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"Stoned? Oh well, whatever. Worse comes to worse, we'll sell his organs on the Russian Capitalist Market and help pay off our debts."

REPAIR GUY monitors ONLINE AUCTION.

You are now: ZIXINUS, IVAN IVANOV

You are in the BANK. It is BUSY. There are many GUNS. There is TENSION. The TENSION is THICK. You have REACHED the FRONT of the QUEUE, and must now CARRY OUT your BUSINESS.

What do you do?

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You are now: SPACE PILOT, REPAIR GUY, HISTORIAN, COMBAT JANITOR, STRANGE BLOKE.

You are in the HANGER. The HANGER holds the RAVENSTAR. It LOOKS slightly WORSE FOR WEAR.

The EBAY AUCTION CONTINUES. You have WITHDRAWN your BID for PASSENGER MODULE, and you have WON the SPACE TOILET and the SPARE TILES. Now you MUST CHOSE DELIVERY and PAYMENT OPTIONS. The BILL is $120,000.

The BASEMENT EXPLORATION SQUAD has RETURNED. They BRING with THEM a STRANGER, CLAD in an ABSURD CLOTHING MISHMASH, with a BERET. He is SUBDUED and TIED UP by HISTORIAN. He is CLEARLY STONED. He has FAINTED, WOKEN and FAINTED AGAIN.

He MAY or MAY NOT be a HUNGARIAN POLICEMAN called MAISNER. NO ONE is CERTAIN, least of all HIM.

What do you do?

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You are now: MILDLY DERANGED PHYSICIST

You are in a CORNER. The CORNER is UNOBTRUSIVE. You have been tasked with WORKING OUT our COURSE and ORBITS ETC for the FLIGHT to ARMSTRONG BASE, using your SCIENCE!!! skills.

What do you do?

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You are now: CTHULLU CULTIST.

You are in a STRANGE PLACE. There is FOG. It is THICK. It SMELLS of ALMONDS.

There is CHANTING. It is a CHALLENGE from the NECRONOMICON. You DO NOT ANSWER and PREPARE FOR BATTLE.

The CHANTING STOPS. A LIGHTNING BOLT falls from the SKY, FALLING NEARBY. There is THUNDER. It is EXTRAORDINARILY LOUD.

What do you do?

Look VAGUELY MENACING, though not AGGRESSIVE. Pretend to receive COMMUNICATIONS through an EARPIECE, to make us look more IMPORTANT than we actually are.

MAISNER continues to SLEEP. HIS CLOTHING is NOT BIZARRE, as he is WEARING A SUIT and a BERET, while LOOKS REASONABLY NORMAL.

DO MY BUSINESS of taking out the money from the check. Be POLITE to the STAFF and DO NOT MAKE SUDDEN MOVEMENTS.

Look CONFUSED at IVAN as he is pretending to receive something from his ear-piece. He does not appear to do so.

OOCish: Hungarian policeman? That didn't sound Hungarian.

Eternal_Freedom wrote:You are now: MILDLY DERANGED PHYSICIST

You are in a CORNER. The CORNER is UNOBTRUSIVE. You have been tasked with WORKING OUT our COURSE and ORBITS ETC for the FLIGHT to ARMSTRONG BASE, using your SCIENCE!!! skills.

What do you do?

I WORK OUT our COURSE and ORBITS ETC for the FLIGHT to ARMSTRONG BASE, using my SLIDE RULE FU and SCIENCE!!!

Key question is: when do we leave, and when do we arrive? I need to make sure we have a useful LAUNCH WINDOW.

I look forward to meeting RUSSIAN HEAT SHIELD SPECIALIST. I am DISMAYED at the possibility that OLD RUSSIAN HOBO may have been KILLED in the PASSAGES.



Also, MILDLY DERANGED PHYSICIST has an OHSHIT MOMENT. Who owns ARMSTRONG BASE anyway? If that is AMERICAN JURISDICTION, we may be TOTALLY SCREWED.

OOCish: Hungarian policeman? That didn't sound Hungarian.

Spoiler

Well then, MILDLY DERANGED PHYSICIST attempts to PLOT A COURSE that will take us there, using SLIDE RULE FU and so forth.

[Slide rule should not be used by people with logarithm allergies. Calculators may be required for high precision work. Ask your doctor about slide rule!]

REPAIR GUY chooses fastest shipping method, and pays with AMEX.

"Okay guys, we should get the stuff tomorrow. We still need replacement hydralics, don't we?"

MAISNER WAKES UP. He is DAZED.

"Kde jsem?"

Spoiler INSANE CTHULHU CULTIST CEASES BATTLE PREPERATION and ATTEMPTS to ACQUIRE the NECRONOMICON. FOR LIMITLESSS POWER! He BEGINS doing this by YELLING BACK "And with strange aeons even death may die!"

TOO LATE, CULTIST. You MISSED your CHANCE.

CULTIST is EXTREMELY ANNOYED at the CLEARLY MALEVOLENT GOD that SCREWS HIM OVER for making a SINGLE MISTAKE. There is ONE WAY to FIX a SINGLE MISTAKE. CULTIST SUMMONS... THE OMEGA THIRTEEN!
Spoiler

CTHULLU CULTIST wrote:CULTIST is EXTREMELY ANNOYED at the CLEARLY MALEVOLENT GOD that SCREWS HIM OVER for making a SINGLE MISTAKE.

Damn straight bitch. Welcome to my tenure as GM/DM. No second chances. I'm that kind of a GM.

In THAT CASE, CULTIST attempts to BRING ABOUT THE END OF THE WORLD by MAKING the STARS RIGHT. FORCIBLY. He WILL, eventually, find a WAY to END THE WORLD that is REASONABLE and EASY if that DOES NOT WORK.

CULTIST'S ATTEMPTS to END THE WORLD FAIL due to INEPTNESS and IGNORANCE of the FACT that CULTISM DOESN'T WORK.

CULTIST is UNAWARE that SCIENCE CHALLENGED MYSTICISM to an EPIC DUEL on the MOON in 2019, and WON by APPLIED NUCLEAR PHYSICS, namely a NUCLEAR DEVICE.

...This has ceased to be funny and is clearly an attempt to make me leave and stop with the magic. Congrats, you win. CULTIST resigns from this no-longer-funny game-that-runs-on-humour.

OOC message from the GM:

Despite the above post, CULTIST remains in the game, following extensive (read: ultimatum given) negotiations upon the permissable use of magic.

This has culminated in the "Permissible Magic Act 2011" which is presented herein so you may all be aware of the situation, and the magical rules operating within the TEAM L.A.M.E. world.

1. You may make one (1) final teleportation to the Team's hanger
2. You may use low-level magic. Low level is defined as stuff that is only useful in normal day to day activites (like providing light in a dark tunnel).
3. Magic may not be used to solve extraordinary problems in simple ways. I.e. no magicking up weapons or money or spare parts or people.
4. You may, if you so choose, use magic in larger quantities in some circumstances, but you must send me (Eternal_Freedom) a PM first detailing the idea, and I shall have a final veto over it's inclusion.
5. You may not, under any circumstances, use your magic to cause either players or other characters to die, significantly change their viewpoint or suffer some improbable misshap.
6. You may not, under any circumstances, undergo apotheosis and become a God.
7. You may not, under any circumstances, bring about the Apocalypse.

Although the rules presented above apply specifically to magic and the actions of CULTIST, other players should be aware of them.

If any players feel that CULTIST has breached any of the Articles presented above and feel that I (Eternal_Freedom) have not taken action or given permission, please notify me via PM rather than a post in the thread.

That conlucdes this TEAM L.A.M.E. public service announcement from the GM.

CUTLISTS TELEPORTS back to the HANGAR. He does NOT consider that PERHAPS, RUNNING FOR HIS LIFE would be WISER.

SPACE PILOT NOTICES the NEWLY ARRIVE CULTIST.

SEVERAL THOUGHTS run through his HEAD, NAMELY:

"What the fuck just happenned?"
"Who he fuck is that?"
"What the fuck is he doing in our hanger?"
"Why oh why did I let Ivan have that AK? This is just the kind of crazy insane shit that happens to us all to often."

WONDER how much more exciting things are happening to my COMRADES while I deal with bueacracy.

OOC: Seriously, how long is this going to take?

February 23rd, 2025

You are now: ZIXINUS, IVAN IVANOV.

You are in the VAN. You have COMPLETED your TRANSACTION and LEFT the BANK as QUICKLY as POSSIBLE. You are now RETURNING to the HANGER, having stopped at a FIREARMS DEALER and ACQUIRED (Zixinus, please insert list of firearms you purchased here).

You have been INFORMED of the DiSCOVERY of Mr MASINER, and the APPEARANCE of the CULTIST, although NO-ONE KNOWS he is a CULTIST as YET.

What do you do?

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You are now: REPAIR GUY, SPACE PILOT, MR MAISNER, HISOTRIAN, JANITOR, MILDLY DERANGED PHYSICIST, LARGE SEDATED DOG and CULTIST.

You are in the HANGER. The HANGER is BIG etc., etc.

The STRANGE MAN has REVEALED HIMSELf as Mr MAISNER, a CZECH POLICEMAN. At least, THAT's WHAT HE SAID. He has been TIED UP having FAINTED YET AGAIN.

REPAIR GUY has WON the EBAY AUCTION for SPARE TILES and SPACE TOILET, and PAID for NEXT DAY DELIVERY. The BILL on the AMEX was $120,000.

MILDLY DERANGED PHYSICIST has COMPUTED FLIGHT PLANS and LAUNCH WINDOWS for FLIGHT to ARMSTRONG BASE.

PHYSICIST: "Who owns Armstrong Base? If it's US territory we could be screwed."

SPACE PILOT: "It's under UN jurisdiction, we should be safe enough there."

CULTISt has TELEPORTED into the HANGER, from the STRANGE PLACE where he USED TO BE. There is much SURPRISE at this TURN OF EVENTS.

SPACE PILOT is REGRETTING giving IVAN his AK.

LARGE SEDATED DOG is STILL SEDATED after DOGGIE FIRST AID following the TRAUMATIC ARRIVAL in LIBERTARIAN RUSSIA. He SHOULD RECOVER SOON.

What do you do?

PREEMPTIVELY use MAGICAL BODY ARMOR and LOOK for any NEARBY COVER.

"Huh, well that was weird. Anyway, time to check on the ship."

REPAIR GUY sees what other repairs, if any, are needed besides new tiles and the installation of a toilet.