StarDestroyer.Net BBS

'innovative features' = features stolen from games nobody remembers
'exciting features' = genre-standard features they wrote on the box
'shooter 2.0' = shooter 1.0

Stark wrote: 'shooter 2.0' = shooter 1.0

No. Shooter 2.0 = Graphics 1.5

'X-ray engine 1.5' = X-ray engine 0.8

"Intelligent enemies" = they will take cover sometimes, possibly throw a grenade at you. Don't be fooled, this isn't because its a good idea to do so for them, its because we scripted it in.

"Unfolding plot" = centres around a conspiracy plot that you can see a mile away.

"Horror" = has lots of gore and scary-looking enemies that you usually see in dark rooms that have flickering lights.

"Free-form" = you will have to wonder from one point of the game to the next on your own.

"Incredible graphics" = We spent 30 man-hours on collecting, capturing, converting, modifying, mapping and modelling a rock that you'll look at for 0.5 seconds. Of course, you better have a 800+ system to handle it, preferably one using brands from our sponsors.

I'd obviously have more, but I actually try my best to avoid marketing scores and reviews.

"Deep moral choices = Give the hobo all your money or shoot him in the face.

"Complex plot = reviewer too lazy to pay attention.

I'm going to introduce some more generic concepts.

This is more in the realm of fanboys than reviewers.
Because Rule 1 for being a fanboy: Everyone is trying to ruin your favorite franchise. This counts double for the franchise's creator (triple if the creator is George Lucas).

"Milking a cash cow" - They released a sequel
"Did not stay true to the spirit of the original" - They replaced one or more old characters with new ones that have the same backgrounds/motivations/personalities as the originals. But their names/hair colors are different!
"Killed the franchise before its time" - They didn't release a sequel

This thread just pulled a Dante. Plunging into the bowels of hell only to rise again towards the heavenly spires of G&C.

RPGs:

Innovative combat system= fight a billion battles to get one new ability
Diverse enemies= fight the same 10 enemies in a thousand different combinations... a few hundred thousand times
Challenging bosses= puzzle boss! Cast Ice when he's red.

As CWM says -

'disappointing' = not enough changed from the previous game
'over-ambitous' = too much changed fromt he previous game

'dumbed-down' = a needlessly complex system was reduced to be attractive to new players
'overwrought' = a simple system was increased to meet the demands of the 'hardcore' players

"Next-Gen" - runs on now-gen hardware
"great boss-battles" - player has to smash buttons shown on screen to trigger scripted cut-scenes
"mysterious story" - aliens did it

Zixinus wrote:"Intelligent enemies" = they will take cover sometimes, possibly throw a grenade at you. Don't be fooled, this isn't because its a good idea to do so for them, its because we scripted it in.

dude you got to learn some word economy

"intelligent enemies" = hella scripting

"Strategic Gameplay" = three way 'damage / resistant' class motif

"Extensive Strategic Gameplay" = four way 'damage /resistant' class motif

"Amazing interaction" - Quick time events

"Wi-fi enabled" = online leaderboard buried deep in the Options screen
"RPG-style upgrades" = collect five tokens for 2x ammo capacity
"Precision targeting" = magnetic auto-aim
"Strategic racing" = track has shortcuts
"Fight across five continents" = has five marginally different sky textures
"Squad-based gameplay" = every mission is a babysitting mission
"Stylized" = low-poly
"44 characters" = 11 characters, 4 texture maps
"Free-form fighting system" = different animation for when you're holding a weapon
"Exciting low-altitude dogfights" = cramped levels

"<system> exclusive!" - Will often be (poorly) ported to other systems within the year.
"not two games are the same" - Random encounters.
"Lifelike AI" - The AI cheats.

Bounty wrote: "44 characters" = 11 characters, 4 texture maps

Actually that's 2 character models (male/female) and 22 skins. 20 of which are different hair/eye colours on a white dude. The others are asian and black.

"Innovative" = This game is based around a gimmick
"Groundbreaking" = Combined gimmicks of several older games
"Character Interaction" = NPCs have a scripted line, maybe two
"Beautiful" = Will drag your PC into a dark alley and murder it
"Online Community" = A multiplayer tab on the main menu, leading to a server list
"Immersive World" = Infodumps on things you will never see or experience
"Dynamic" = Two options
"Expansive World" = Not a corridor shooter
"Focused Gameplay" = You are a human shell script
"Strategy" = Tactics
"Tactics" = Rapid clicking

"episodic content" = wait years for a tiny sequel with some cosmetic improvements

"RPG elements" = We've added stat grinding
"Based on..." = Total shit
"Deep moral choices" = You can play as an asshole who randomly kills people.

"Fantastic single player campaign" - 10 mediocre levels that could be beaten in a day.

"Great co-op" - One guy presses this button at the same time the other guy presses another button that is five feet away.

"varied mission objectives" - There's stuff for everyone to do, but only one class can actually win the mission for the team *cough* Enemy Territory: Quake Wars *cough*

"Classic Platforming" - Original Mario ripoff

"Unmatched online play" - Will be considered revolutionary for about a month

"Incredible attention to detail" - The game is shiny

"ever-changing game play" - We're getting paid to wank over this game.

"Emergent Gameplay" = Make Your Own Fun

Bounty wrote:"Strategic racing" = track has shortcuts

LOL Mario Kart 64?

Phantasee wrote:

Bounty wrote:"Strategic racing" = track has shortcuts

LOL Mario Kart 64?

Mario Kart
"Strategic racing" = Now with drifting/snaking/powersliding.
Or stay in 2nd place so you don't get hit with the blue shell.

From the creators of...: studio bought out by EA, game will be released 5 months early and not supported

Badass character=Shallow one dimensional mary sue suck

"Thrilling Acrobatics!" = you can do a flip and probably a cartwheel in slomo lol