StarDestroyer.Net BBS

WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY looks at IVAN.

"Small potatoes. Let's just hope we live through this."

WCDG decides to pass around the Chinese takeout on board. He then starts eating one of the boxes of sweet and sour pork.

"If I die, I die after dinner."

START HAVING AN EPILEPTIC SEIZURE

BITCHING MARY IS SHRIEKING IT"S NOISE.

Both RIANN SHAPP and LARGE IRRITABLE DOG look at the constellation of WARNING ALARMS spreading on the NEAR INOPERATIVE CONTROL PANELS with ALARM.

SHAPP DECIDES TO EJECT BOTH HIM AND LARGE IRRITABLE DOG.

THE EJECTION SEATS BLOW HIM AND THE DOG CLEAR OF THE UNAUTHORIZED SPACECRAFT BEFORE IT EXPLODES.

ONCE CLEAR OF THE SPACECRAFT, THE EJECTION SEATS BEGIN TO FORM A FOAMED RE-ENTRY SHIELD on their BACKSIDES and ORIENTING THEMSELVES FOR RE-ENTRY.

Like MOOSE

RIANN SHAPP AND LARGE IRRITABLE DOG RE-ENTER ATMOSPHERE AND BY A CURIOUS COINCIDENCE LAND NEXT TO WHEREVER THE STOLEN SPACEPLANE LANDS.

January 22nd 2025
Wednesday
Wheels Up + 01:27:01


You are now: ZIXINUS, ETERNAL FREEDOM, IVAN IVANOV, WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY, BITCHING BETTY, ROBOTIC PROBE, INSANE FILIPINO, PHANT and FUCKER NEWTON.

You are on a SPACEPLANE. The SPACEPLANE is FLYING really FAST. It is PILOTED by ETERNAL FREEDOM and ZIXINUS. It is rather CRAMPED. The CONTROLS are CONFIGURED in METRIC UNITS. There is no SCRAM FUEL. There is 32% of MAIN ENGINE FUEL. There is plenty of HYDRAZINE for the APU. There is a ROBOTIC PROBE in the CABIN. It is not HOMICIDAL for the TIME BEING. The SYSTEMS COOLANT is nearly BOILING. The AIR is no longer VENTING from the CABIN. There is much PEE and VOMIT in the AIR. It STINKS a LOT.

The AIR inside the CABIN is REALLY goddamned HOT. PHANT hisses after TOUCHING a METAL SURFACE. He does not SEEM to UNDERSTAND what is GOING ON.

You have DECIDED not to DO ANYTHING about the DAMAGED RADIATOR. You will HOPE for the BEST. Namely that you WILL not be BOILED ALIVE. Which is quite a LONG SHOT.

The INSANE FILIPINO has LOST CONSCIOUSNESS. ZIXINUS has GOTTEN everything SECURE and in ORDER. Even the ROBOTIC PROBE which is LOCKED in a DEFENSIVE STANCE. It must be REMEMBERING its LAST MOMENTS.

BITCHING BETTY Says: Warning! Coolant temperature!

ETERNAL FREEDOM Says: All right. Entry interface. Let's land this fucker!

You GLIDE into the ATMOSPHERE. The MAGNIFICENT SPACEPLANE begins to SHAKE VIGOROUSLY. It is almost IMPOSSIBLE to hold the CONTROLS due to the HEAT.

BITCHING BETTY Says: Warning! Coolant temperature!

The RIDE is getting BUMPIER. You can HEAR the air HOWL outside.

PHANT Screams: Oh my god we're gonna die!

PHANT Adds: Again!

BITCHING BETTY Says: Warning! Coolant temperature!



The AIR outside the MAGNIFICENT SPACEPLANE begins to TURN into PLASMA. The G-FORCES have reached the HIGH TWOS.

BITCHING BETTY Says: Warning! Coolant temperature!

ETERNAL FREEDOM MUTTERS a PRAYER to the GOD of SPACE.

ROBOTIC PROBE begins to BLARE HORRIBLE MUSIC out of its TINY SPEAKERS. It is VERY LOUD.

BITCHING BETTY Says: Mach 20
BITCHING BETTY Says: Warning! Coolant temperature!

PHANT SCREAMS something INCOHERENT and BEGINS to UNSTRAP from the SEAT despite the HIGH GEE FORCES.

BITCHING BETTY Says: Mach 15
BITCHING BETTY Says: Warning! Coolant temperature!

PHANT FALLS out of his SEAT. He SLAMS into the AIRLOCK door. It is VERY PAINFUL. There is a HISS and SMELL of BURNT FLESH thanks to the REALLY HOT METAL.

ZIXINUS SCREAMS as his GRAND MOUSTACHE begins to SIZZLE.

BITCHING BETTY Says: Mach 12
BITCHING BETTY Says: Warning! Coolant temperature!
BITCHING BETTY Says: Warning! Hull temperature!

ETERNAL FREEDOM SCREAMS something REALLY OBSCENE having NOTICED your current POSITION.



BITCHING BETTY Says: Warning! Coo...

The COMPUTERS fail ABRUPTLY. The AUTO PILOT stops HOLDING your ANGLE OF ATTACK. You are at 50 kilometres of ALTITUDE and flying at ABOUT MACH 12.

INSANE FILIPINO starts HAVING an EPILEPTIC SEIZURE.

What do you do? _

SUAVE PLAYBOY has regained consciousness. SUAVE PLAYBOY is surrounded by a shaking and roaring flame lit enviroment that is very hot and smells awful.

SUAVE PLAYBOY has deduced that he has DIED and gone to HELL.

SUAVE PLAYBOY starts yelling semi coherent pleas and threats at the demons and damned souls surrounding him and attempts to find a WEAPON to use on the DEMONS OF BUTTSEX.

GRAB CONTROLS and BEGIN INDESCRIBABLY IMPRESSIVE FLYING that REDUCES OUR SPEED and ALSO COOLS US DOWN. SOMEHOW.

CURSE HORRIBLY about our POSITION.

WCDG tries to SHOUT ABOVE the NOISE.

"DUMB QUESTION. CAN THIS THING MAKE A WATER LANDING?"

"IS NOT FLYING BOAT! IS NO SUCH THING! ONLY CRASHING INTO OCEAN."

"So, we're dead?"

SAY "Yes, unless we can stabilize our flight, slow down and switch on external cooling. We could try to use the air brakes but that is not the time yet. Thing is, that now that we missed our mark, we have to use the main engines to steer us which will also heat things up."

Be GLAD that the SCRAM PORT was CLOSED.

THE SCENT of ROASTING POO FILLS the COCKPIT

THE URINE BOILS into a FINE MIST of PEE-STEAM that EVERYONE INHALES

IT IS STRANGELY SOOTHING in these TURBULENT TIMES of SEEMINGLY IMPENDING DEATH

January 22nd 2025
Wednesday
Wheels Up + 01:36:12


You are now: ZIXINUS, ETERNAL FREEDOM, IVAN IVANOV, WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY, BITCHING BETTY, ROBOTIC PROBE, INSANE FILIPINO, PHANT and FUCKER NEWTON.

You are on a SPACEPLANE. The SPACEPLANE is FLYING really FAST. It is PILOTED by ETERNAL FREEDOM and ZIXINUS. It is rather CRAMPED. The CONTROLS are CONFIGURED in METRIC UNITS. There is no SCRAM FUEL. There is 32% of MAIN ENGINE FUEL. There is plenty of HYDRAZINE for the APU. There is a ROBOTIC PROBE in the CABIN. It is not HOMICIDAL for the TIME BEING. The SYSTEMS COOLANT is BOILING. The AIR is no longer VENTING from the CABIN. There is much PEE and VOMIT in the AIR. It is EXTREMELY HOT. You are FAR AWAY from your LANDING SITE.

There is PEE STEAM and BOILING VOMIT in the CABIN. It is STRANGELY SOOTHING. You BEGIN to SUSPECT you MIGHT have LOST your SENSE of SMELL.

You ARE at 50 KILOMETRES of ALTITUDE and FLYING at about MACH 12.

The INSANE FILIPINO has PASSED OUT from the HEATH. He has STOPPED his SEIZURE.

WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY ASKS a DUMB QUESTION about making a WATER LANDING.

IVAN IVANOS Says: IS NOT FLYING BOAT! NO SUCH THING! ONLY CRASHING INTO OCEAN!

ETERNAL FREEDOM is CURSING HORRIBLY. He is HOLDING the CONTROLS. His SKIN is SIZZLING due to the EXTREMELY HOT PLASTIC. He is SCREAMING.

The MAGNIFICENT SPACEPLANE begins to SHAKE even MORE.

PHANT SCREAMS in PAIN. He is BURNED by the METAL DOOR to the AIRLOCK.

PHANT Yells: FUCKING FUCKERS GODDAMN FUCKER FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!

The PRESSURE ALTIMETER shows you are DESCENDING quite RAPIDLY. ETERNAL FREEDOM manages to STABILIZE your FLIGHT and starts BLEEDING OFF your SPEED. The ROAR of RUSHING AIR has become QUIETER. FUCKER NEWTON is BEATING ETERNAL FREEDOM on the HEAD with a STICK.

You are slowly GETTING HIGH on the STEAMED PEE. For SOME REASON.

ROBOTIC PROBE plays ANOTHER TUNE.

ROBOTIC PROBE Says:

Always look on the bright side of life!

If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle - that's the thing.

And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...

PHANT SCREAMS: Make it shut up fuck MAKE IT SHUT THE FUCK UP!

ROBOTIC PROBE WHISTLES.

ZIXINUS does TECHNICAL TALK about COOLING DOWN.

You are at 40 KILOMETRES of ALTITUDE and are FLYING at about MACH 10. You are LEVEL. You are PAST the BLACKOUT ZONE.

What do you do? _

CONTACT RAAF about OUR PROBLEM.

EXTERNAL COOLING is only AVAILABLE while LANDED near PROPER FACILITIES.

You MIGHT start to COOL DOWN if you SLOW DOWN enough for ATMOSPHERIC HEAT TRANSFER to start WORKING in the PROPER DIRECTION, especially at HIGH ALTITUDES.

TINY SHIT PARTICULATES that COATED the TURD KNIVES begin SEEPING INTO SUAVE PLAYBOY'S BLOODSTREAM from ENTRY POINT in DICKSTAB WOUNDS

January 22nd 2025
Wednesday
Wheels Up + 01:41:42


You are now: ZIXINUS, ETERNAL FREEDOM, IVAN IVANOV, WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY, BITCHING BETTY, ROBOTIC PROBE, INSANE FILIPINO, SUAVE PLAYBOY, PHANT and FUCKER NEWTON.

You are on a SPACEPLANE. The SPACEPLANE is FLYING really FAST. It is PILOTED by ETERNAL FREEDOM and ZIXINUS. It is rather CRAMPED. The CONTROLS are CONFIGURED in METRIC UNITS. There is no SCRAM FUEL. There is 32% of MAIN ENGINE FUEL. There is plenty of HYDRAZINE for the APU. The COMPUTERS have FAILED due to OVERHEATING. There is a ROBOTIC PROBE in the CABIN. It is BLARING a lot of MISMATCHED MUSIC. The SYSTEMS COOLANT is BOILING. The AIR is no longer VENTING from the CABIN. There is much PEE and VOMIT in the AIR. It is EXTREMELY HOT. You are FAR AWAY from your LANDING SITE. There is PANIC. The PANIC is ENORMOUS.

You ARE at 40 KILOMETRES of ALTITUDE and FLYING at about MACH 10

ZIXINUS has CALLED the RAAF on the RESCUE FREQUENCY. He RECEIVES a RESPONSE. The RESPONSE is GARBLED.

RAAF Says: ....suggest....use hydraulic...gain altitude...bleed off...turn to course 165...check magne...pass...try to....an alternative site. Ve...sphere when slow.

The RADIO fails due to OVERHEATING.

SUAVE PLAYBOY is YELLING something about BUTTSEX and DEMANDS he RECEIVE a WEAPON.

FUCKER NEWTON is TRYING to THROTTLE ETERNAL FREEDOM. INSANE FILIPINO has WOKEN UP and is LOOKING AROUND in PANIC. His HAIR is SIZZLING due to the HEAT.

You ARE at 35 KILOMETRES of ALTITUDE and FLYING at about MACH 9.5

What do you do? _

LIFT the NOSE, so the UNDERSIDE is PERPENDICULAR to the FLIGHT PATH, so as to SLOW DOWN AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.

SHOUT TO ETERNAL FREEDOM "CAREFUL! The underside was not meant to take up mach 9 and a half. I think. Lift it just enough for us to slowly bleed speed away while gaining altitude. I'll try to see where we can land now."

TRY TO DETERMINE LOCATION while ACCOUNTING for effects our current situation might impose (such as how the re-entry probably fried the magnetic compass).
Spoiler

UNZIP SPACE TROUSERS and BEGIN MASTURBATING FURIOUSLY AGAIN

EJACULATE COPIOUSLY WHILE AIMING AT SPECIFIC PEOPLE

You CAN'T MASTURBATE because you are TIED DOWN.

The HANDS are WITHIN PROXIMITY OF THE ORGAN!