StarDestroyer.Net BBS

Joe wrote:I'm a coward, and my self-confidence is rock bottom. I hate that.

Have you considered handgun ownership?

I'm really overweight. I've been working at losing for awhile and have lost 20lbs by eating right, portion control, and good ol' exercise. Who knew that stuff actually works?

A lot of my traits have been mentioned. I procrastinate and put off work 'till two hours after it's due. I lack motivation to do anything. I'm very introverted, and I hate having to deal with new people. I deal very well with the people I know, but getting to know new people is a pain in the ass.

Physically, I'm not too bad, but I could be better. I'm slightly overweight (10-15 pounds) but my height negates alot of the visible aspects (I'm 6'2"). I can't for the life of me talk to an attractive girl without making an ass of myself. Friends I can deal with, but if it's someone I actually am attracted to, I just fall flat on my face. I'm agile and graceful...when no one is around. When I'm in public, I can't walk straight without walking into something or dropping something.

I can have, depending on my mood, extreme pessimism, excessive optimism or rampant cynicism. I use long, confusing words in place of more common, well understood ones when I type and speak. I tend to lie about useless things and get very defensive over nothing topics. I'm stubborn to a fault and have a very hard time admitting failure. I criticise people over small things in inappropriate situations, especially about writing/speech. I ramble a lot. *looks up and * I sidetrack almost every conversation I'm in onto completely different topics. I talk very fast, and I have difficulty controlling the volume of my voice when I'm excited. I've got a raging temper and can become extremely...aggressive when I'm pissed.

Mostly though, what pisses me off the most is the fact that although I can identify my faults, I often can't bring myself to do a damn thing about them.

I hate my inability to get over indecisiveness and lack the knowledge or ability to do the ridiculously simple things that other people take for granted.

Lack of motivation, determination, and ambition. I know I could achieve much more, but only if I wanted to do it enough.

Being too passive. I'm trying to work on this - its not that I'm uncomfortable in social settings, but I don't have much to say. I'll nod, go "uh huh", and ask basic questions, but I seem to be unable to produce other words unless I'm with people I'm comfortable with.

Being unemotional. It's hard for me to get worked up and excited about things (And according to people, it shows... although it might just be my deep voice ). Not to say I lack emotions completely, but I feel as though other people are feeling more than I do.

Sea Skimmer wrote:

Joe wrote:I'm a coward, and my self-confidence is rock bottom. I hate that.

Have you considered handgun ownership?

Ahhh - responsible gun ownership... The foundation of the American dream.

If there was one thing I could change about me it would be the allergies. There were the two episodes where I landed in the emergency room from them. There's the amount of money I've spent on drugs over the years. The misery of itchy eyes, runny nose, rashes so itchy I want to take a wire brush to my own skin.

But worst of all are the food allergies. The number of foods I can not eat is lengthy, and it's a constant struggle to avoid what I shouldn't have, to make people understand that I'm not kidding, I'm not overreacting, I'm not a "picky eater" I'm just trying to stay healthy.

It was a problem when I was dating. It has caused me problems in the work world during work/social events around food. It complicates travel. It has scared other people. It has scared me.

What, afraid of falling out of the sky to a fiery death? Hell no! I'm afraid of dinner!...

And - goddammit! - I miss beer!!! It was a beverage I really enjoyed for years and years and about five years ago I acquired an allergy to barley... the main ingredient in beer. I can never, ever have another beer. See what I mean? Too many foods I enjoy and love that I can never have again on pain of illness or even death.

I eat too fucking fast. Put a plate of tacos down, and they'll be gone in a few seconds with a slurp. During my teenage years, I used to be quite overweight, and I still wince when I see an old photo, and if it weren't for my religious jogging and working out, I'd be a real porker.
Also, I tend to chew on my shorts strings constantly.
Oh yes, and my fucking whacked immune system (candidiasis when I was 11) my conversion disorder (it can never really be cured, and I still have seizures once every few months) and my allergies. I'm a cornucopia of medical ailments.

Ooh, this is an easy question.

• I hate my totally irrational yet socially crippling fear of rejection/social phobia
• I hate the fact that I am going to be 26 on Friday, have two university degrees and the most highly paid/responsible job I've ever had is a junior clerical position which pays 16AUD per hour and which I only got because my mum works there and I was all they could get at short notice.
• I hate the fact that my life is going nowhere and I just don't seem capable of doing anything about it.
• I hate being tired all the time.
• I hate the fact that I allowed some arsehole who I thought cared about me make a complete fool of me and even though I know this, I still miss the fucker.
• I hate the fact that I seem to gain and lose weight for no discernable reason. It makes buying clothes a real pain in the arse.
• I hate that I spend so much time on the internet because I'm incapable of making real friends.
• I hate my lack of willpower. My parents tell me I was pig-headed as a child. I wonder what changed.
• I hate the fact that there are so many people in the world worse off than I am, yet I am incapable of being content.

Physically: as athletic and good looking as I am, I'm a bit on the short side


Psychologically is easy: I'm too shy. Waaaay too shy
+ a rather closed personality

Whoa, I fit most people here.

Physicly, I have good lower body, but my arms...well I'm overweight and it hurts that.

Emotionally, I can't get over stuff, I still remember stuff from when I was 7, 9, and every single bad episode in my life.

But mostly, its like Alyeska said, I CAN'T bring myself to study, when I study, I get A+, but my average this year is a B-(lower 80's).

Well, I have a problem with short patience, and I can't seem to romantantically hit it off with a girl.

Sometimes I get embarrassed at just how much I utterly outshine everyone else. The feeling is usually quick to pass.

The Morrigan wrote:I hate the fact that there are so many people in the world worse off than I am, yet I am incapable of being content.

Nothing wrong with wanting more in life.

HemlockGrey wrote:Sometimes I get embarrassed at just how much I utterly outshine everyone else. The feeling is usually quick to pass.

I admire your modesty.

Now to answer the OP.

I wish I was taller. I am only 1.68 or 5 foot 6 on the old scale. Otherwise I am not too bad. I am not overweight, in fact I want to gain more weight.

I used to train in the gym when I was at uni, nowadays I seem to be gripped by laziness on days when I am not working.

I am also not a very socioble person (I am still debating whether that is a good or bad thing). I tend not to go to parties and I don't drink much. In fact I hate wine, I hate beer, and the only time I drank was a social occasion where the senior doctor bought me a drink.

-Like many people here, I can be pretty unmotivated. Once I *do* manage to start something, I really get into it and do a great job, but it's starting that is the problem.

-I am very apathetic. A lot of things in my life are pretty screwed up, and have been for years. These things used to bug the hell out of me when I was 8 or 9, but now I've just gotten to the point where I don't care anymore. I really feel like I should care and show emotion, and I really try to dig deep down and find some, but I just can't.

-I have a *very* hard time trusting people. I really can't even remember too many "incidents" or anything when I was younger that would make me this way, so I guess it's just how I am. Even the people I really know well and trust, for the most part, I have doubts about in the back of my mind. It doesn't matter who it is, or for how long I've known them, there's always that thought in the back of my mind that they're just playing with my head.

Physically, I wouldn't mind losing a few pounds, I'm not overweight; but a couple to take me back to around twelve stone would be nice. But then some of that is muscle these days, I just need to get motivated to go to the gym.

Also hate the crease lines that warp the hell out of my face when I have to hold a smile for a photo. But not much to be done about that.

Personality wise, I don't like my long and unrelenting memory for my flaws - it can be useful, but when you can still get occassional strong pangs of shame for something relatively minor you did when you were 10, it's a bit extreme. I also wouldn't mind not being quite as paranoid at times, it's not major paranoia but it can be annoying when you start wondering that because they havent sent you an emai reply in a week whether they're still talking to you or something. Working on that one though. Think it directly correlates to the amount of social life I'm having, if I'm bored stiff and not going out, obviously it comes into play.

Also wouldn't mind being able to focus on things a bit more, especially work.

Well I'm overly paranoid and/or pessimistic sometimes, but that's the only thing I would say I hate about myself.

Whoah, I fit so many that other people have mentioned it's pretty scary.

So I'll add one that I don't think anyone else has mentioned.


I'm still pissed that my super powers haven't kicked in yet. At this point I don't think it's going to happen except through some strange bolt from the blue type of fluke. Dammit.

We in the mood for a rant?

All signs point to YES!

Physically- Something about being roughly 30lbs overweight for my height. I don't care how well my friends have said I carry it. 1, they're my friends, they're not going to tell me I look disgusting. 2, I do care more about the numbers and being a normal weight than the appearance. Bright side of that is, if I reach a normal weight for my height, it will look a lot better on me than my extra 30. I fucking hate taking 3 days to go dress shopping for one dress because none of them fit right. And good luck findind a low-cut shirt that doesn't make you look like a whore. I severely dislike feeling gross holding up a pair of my pants.

Mentally- I'm a complete fucking doormat. My Ex wrote me an essay on why I should kill myself (with the knowledge that I was struggling with that anyway) and topped it off by giving me a razor the next day. That was over a year ago. We still hang out, and he's a pretty close friend. My friends can get away with murder. If you ask me to do something, chances are I'll do it. I fucking bend over backwards for people without thinking about it. I wish I had a spine. And despite all that, I don't trust people that much! For the amount of shit I do for people, I have an extremely hard time opening up to people. I'm really fragile, and easily hurt, but I have this shell that makes everyone think I'm the toughest bitch there is. I'm a pretty big introvert, and it makes for a pretty lonely Kate...

Emotionally- Oh god. I'm too unstable. I go from feeling invincible to worthless in seconds. It takes absolutely nothing to get me there too. And seeing as how I can't open up to people (see above rant) I take things out on myself. It's all impulsive. And I can (and do) justify everything to be my fault. Roll this all together with Manic Depression, and we've got a finely tuned blend of fucked up. There are a lot of things I'm not proud of, and most of them are visible. But of course I have this complete opposition to personality-altering medication. Benificial or no, I just can't stand the thought.


:wipes brow:

:looks around:

Err.... carry on... nothing to see here...

Hrrm. . . lesee. For starters I procrastinate too fucking much. There's a bunch of stuff I probably need to get done or should get around to doing, but ultimately wind up putting it off and putting it off.

I'm also incredibly lazy. I'll take the easy way of doing things rather than the hard way if it saves some work, which inevitably gets me in trouble from time to time.

xBlackFlash wrote: Physically- Something about being roughly 30lbs overweight for my height. I don't care how well my friends have said I carry it. 1, they're my friends, they're not going to tell me I look disgusting. 2, I do care more about the numbers and being a normal weight than the appearance. Bright side of that is, if I reach a normal weight for my height, it will look a lot better on me than my extra 30. I fucking hate taking 3 days to go dress shopping for one dress because none of them fit right. And good luck findind a low-cut shirt that doesn't make you look like a whore. I severely dislike feeling gross holding up a pair of my pants.

I've seen your grad picts. There ain't no way in hell your 30lbs overweight. Get your scale calibrated.

As superficial as this may seem, my teeth.

I used to have braces, but someway or another my retainers kept breaking and my mom got so pissed she refused to get me a new one. So now I have a big space between my two front teeth that I am very self concious about.

Well, teeth, weight (under: metabolistic fury!), and um, that's it really.

A question to those out there: do these things negatively affect your outlook on life or confidence? Cause as bad as things might get for me I always stay on the up and up and just accept any faults in my person or character. I try to improve what I can but I never get depressed. I may just be lucky like that.

edit: I'm not trying to rub it in I'm just trying to inject some positive vibes in this otherwise depressing thread. After all I am now a certified combat life saver.

PFC Brungardt wrote:A question to those out there: do these things negatively affect your outlook on life or confidence? Cause as bad as things might get for me I always stay on the up and up and just accept any faults in my person or character. I try to improve what I can but I never get depressed. I may just be lucky like that.

Not any more, and even back then it never really got to me. Once in a while I'd think "goddamn, what the fuck am I doing? Why the hell am I like this?" and then I'd soon shrug it off and carry on as if nothing happened.

These days I'm much like you, I accept my faults for what they are, try to improve myself, and make the most of what I have.

xBlackFlash:

Mentally- I'm a complete fucking doormat. My Ex wrote me an essay on why I should kill myself (with the knowledge that I was struggling with that anyway) and topped it off by giving me a razor the next day. That was over a year ago. We still hang out, and he's a pretty close friend.

Jesus fucking Christ. Those are not the actions of a close friend.