What would you do if your child became a fundamentalist?

[Singular Intellect]

Why should I have to choose? Why can't I assign equal weight to both?

Why is it that if I ask if you'd prefer one trait over the other, you jump to the conclusion I wouldn't accept an answer of "equal weight to both" or "both are equally important"?

And we should assume that ... why? This is not some fucking abstract thought exercise, you little twat. And I'm not interested in playing whatever game you want to play. These are my children, and if you have something to say, then grow some fucking balls and say it, otherwise shut the fuck up before I ram your bullshit down your throat.

If you're trying to say that it's bad to expect anything other than pure selfish happiness for your children, you're an idiot. It's like saying that you'd rather raise a happy asshole than a less happy but more decent person. I don't want to raise a selfish asshole, no matter how happy he is.

It seems you've attributed some alterior motive to my question, when it was simply a straight forward one. I was asking if you favoured one trait over another, and your reply is that you give them both equal weight.

My question is answered; there's no need to get riled up about it.

[Darth Wong]

It seems you've attributed some alterior motive to my question, when it was simply a straight forward one. I was asking if you favoured one trait over another, and your reply is that you give them both equal weight.

My question is answered; there's no need to get riled up about it.

Sorry, but your follow-up about "let's assume that you must choose between one or the other" seemed to suggest a very ulterior motive.

[Singular Intellect]

It seems you've attributed some alterior motive to my question, when it was simply a straight forward one. I was asking if you favoured one trait over another, and your reply is that you give them both equal weight.

My question is answered; there's no need to get riled up about it.

Sorry, but your follow-up about "let's assume that you must choose between one or the other" seemed to suggest a very ulterior motive.

That was merely there because, as others have pointed out, in the face of reality it's kind of absurd to suggest someone couldn't find a job that is both productive and fulfilling.

I'm well aware that any good parent would chose both, hence I had to stipulate "one or the other" because, as I said, I was curious if you favoured one over the other.

I don't think it's ridiculous to suggest that there are parents out there that would give one more weight than the other.

PS: Yeah, and my misspelling of 'ulterior' was retarded. *grumbles*

[Pint0 Xtreme]

It's rather pointless to ask the abstract question of whether you place more importance in your child's happiness or productiveness in some fantasy world where you only have one option; after all, this thread was about what you would do if your child became a fundamentalist, not some fucking dumbshit philosophical question about principles where it would have little to no relevance in a real life situation.

[The Duchess of Zeon]

Blame myself. Extensively. I'm not sure how I in particular could ever quite recover from that; how could I really even handle that kind of fundamental rejection by one of my children? Utterly devastating, to put it mildly.

[Nieztchean Uber-Amoeba]

Well, for all the people in this thread saying 'Oh, that would almost certainly never hapen with my kids', I direct you to the Trans Marriage thread is ARSE where I mentioned the fundie Neo-Con Swede. He was raised by two Socialist, Atheist parents, who he says were perfectly loving people, in a country where the vast majority is also Socialist and Atheist, and he claims that in adulthood he found Religion and embraced Evangelical Christianity fully. So this kind of shit does happen, even if it's not common.

As to how I would react if it my kid caught the Old Time Religion? I think it woul depend on the kid, to be honest. I wouldn't want to argue with my child, but the main thing I would do would be to push to see if my kid is satisfied with his choices and his ideology. My parents have always followed the philosophy that, since they aren't interested in living vicariously through me, they'd be just as happy with me and my brother if we decided to be manual labourers or tradesmen as opposed to a professor and a lawyer (which seem to be the directions we're heading in) as long as we're happy. I think that's been imprinted on me pretty well, and really, as much as I'll be teaching my children critical thinking and history and logic when I raise them and through my actions, I'd be okay as long as they found satisfaction on their own path. I wouldn't mind if they turned out to be Conservatives, either. Now, if they become hostile belligerents or true Evangelists or skinheads, that of course would be grounds for estrangement and I'm sure I'd feel like a failure as a father. But I really don't need my children to be as successful or as rich as I am, or to have the same ideology or philosophy towards life. I'll give them the best tools I can for living a good life and try to support them however I can, but ultimately I don't want to force them into being my successors or duplicates or anything. I maintain the optimistic belief that they'll find their own way, and if they don't, well, I'm the father, so what the fuck.

So overall, I think I'd be okay with it. If they can take my critical thinking indoctrination and snipes at the Catholic Church as a two-thousand year pyramid scheme and still come out deciding they want to join the Pentecostals, then as long as they're happy and remain decent people, I won't have failed. It's if they become assholes or vainly try to ape acceptance through their Imaginary Friend Jesus that I'll step in, all heart-broken and father-figurely.

[TimothyC]

I'm not a parent, not ready to be a parent, and have no intent on becoming a parent any time soon, so take the following with some amount of salt.

Or (if you are of the evangelical persuasion) atheists?

Thank you for including this Surlethe. This is a tough question for me to wrestle with, as I am of a non-major anti-trinitarian persuasion, and thus in all likelihood a hypothetical future spouse and I might not see eye-to-eye on all things religion.

How would you ideally react?

Ideally I would be accepting, while gently trying to bring them back. I would hope. Religion is to me a personal thing, and while I would be disapointed that they didn't follow what I believe, I would hope that I could accept it.

How would you probably react?

I would probably carry my ideal reaction way to far and drive them further away, starting a positive feedback loop. Not knowing when to quit has always been one of my larger flaws.

[Darth Wong]

Well, for all the people in this thread saying 'Oh, that would almost certainly never hapen with my kids', I direct you to the Trans Marriage thread is ARSE where I mentioned the fundie Neo-Con Swede. He was raised by two Socialist, Atheist parents, who he says were perfectly loving people, in a country where the vast majority is also Socialist and Atheist, and he claims that in adulthood he found Religion and embraced Evangelical Christianity fully. So this kind of shit does happen, even if it's not common.

The fact that his parents are atheist does not mean he was never exposed to religious thought, even in Sweden. In fact, parents who never bring up the subject of religion do their kids a disservice: kids should be taught about the particular mental tricks that are employed in irrational arguments such as those commonly used by religionists, conspiracy theorists, etc. The fact is that religion is completely illogical, and the only way for someone to fail to recognize this is to be ignorant of logic.

[ray245]

Well, for all the people in this thread saying 'Oh, that would almost certainly never hapen with my kids', I direct you to the Trans Marriage thread is ARSE where I mentioned the fundie Neo-Con Swede. He was raised by two Socialist, Atheist parents, who he says were perfectly loving people, in a country where the vast majority is also Socialist and Atheist, and he claims that in adulthood he found Religion and embraced Evangelical Christianity fully. So this kind of shit does happen, even if it's not common.

The fact that his parents are atheist does not mean he was never exposed to religious thought, even in Sweden. In fact, parents who never bring up the subject of religion do their kids a disservice: kids should be taught about the particular mental tricks that are employed in irrational arguments such as those commonly used by religionists, conspiracy theorists, etc. The fact is that religion is completely illogical, and the only way for someone to fail to recognize this is to be ignorant of logic.

However, doesn't some people fear death so much they will accept certain thoughts even if it is illogical? That they can get demoralized by the notion of rejecting an afterlife?

Lots of my friends told me that before. They basically said that without religion, they cannot find any sense in life at all or being unable to bring themselves together when a loved one died.

This appeal is just too great for people, that they are willingly to ignore logic as long as they can keep on going.

[Solauren]

Some types of fundie are rather harmless. Hey, if my kid want's to waste 3 hours a day meditating to Buddha, that's his problem. However, if she's starting fights over Buddha, well, that's s problem.

You'll change your tune when you have kids of your own. Seriously, what the fuck kind of idiot thinks it's OK for his kid to waste his life as long as he's not hurting anyone else? That's the attitude we take toward complete strangers, not our own progeny. We want our own children to be happy, successful, productive human beings. It is completely unacceptable for a parent when he sees his kid wasting his life. If my kid went Buddhist fundie and wanted to live in a monastery and chant mumbo-jumbo for the rest of his life, you can goddamned well bet I'd be unhappy about it.

Oh no doubt I'll change my tune.

It really also depends on the age of the kid. I can't do jack all for a 25 year old not living at home anymore, for example, but a legal-dependent, I could do lots.

[Korgeta]

What the title says. Given how my in-laws, especially my father-in-law, have treated my wife, this is a question we've talked about regarding our own child, since we intend to raise her, well, non-fundamentalist. The way I currently see my job is this: to produce a healthy, productive, rational adult. Beyond that, all I can do is love my children (current and future) unconditionally and always be welcoming and willing to reasonably support them. So if my daughter at some stage became a fundamentalist, I suppose my reaction would be to talk it through with her - question her, see how well she has internalized critical thinking and applied it to her new beliefs. Beyond that, though, I suppose I would welcome her into our home and still be her loving father, even though her actions disappointed me.

So, how would you react if your children became fundamentalists? Or evangelicals? Or (if you are of the evangelical persuasion) atheists? How would you ideally react? How would you probably react? How does this jive with your parenting vision?

I'll be more worried about the groups that exploit that person's company more then anything but there is only so much one person can do. Personally, no one should be born into a faith and then accept it simply as that, they should remain free of faith and then choose at a later life. if they choose to. However there are those who need faith sooner then others and those who don't need it at all. The sudden death at a young age will change a perspective or even at a older age. There will be events that you cannot dictate or control such as loss of a family member, it should never be underestimated and will change you or your child in some way it's unavoidable and will change her. You should accept that your child even if your daughter does not become a non fundamentalist, there will be views she will take on that you will disagree on. The most important thing for a child is to have the education and the friends, to who will help her. If your daughter in later years does choose to take a new faith or such there won't be much you can do, only to be self aware and at best religion should be a guide to life, not dictate it because learning about different faiths will not see through the con artists those who try to exploit your child for cash or brainwash who are self declared faith branches such as christianity, the minor cult like faiths and the like.

These kind of people are very persuasive and cunning and best to stay away from them entirely, any argument with these kind of people will achieve nothing, so best to avoid them and advise that to your child as well. If your child does choose a faith then pick one that is part of the community or an organized faith. Other then that this just another suggestion, we can't tell you what to do any more you can to your daughter when she comes of age, only to try and give her the best advice.

[Edi]

Korgeta, welcome to the forum. You're new, so if you haven't already, please take a look at the forum policies in the Announcements forum. Threads that have been inactive for more than two or three weeks should not be resurrected unless there are substantial contributions to be made to them or it has been okayed with the mods.

It's more commonly called thread necromancy and usually frowned upon. In this case, you had a post wih (in my opinion) fairly substantive contribution, so it's not so bad (often it has been just one-liners). But try to keep this in mind for the future.