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Re: The Salvation War: Pantheocide Part Eighty Three Up

Posted: 2010-08-13 03:47pm
by Stuart
Zaune wrote: And that crack about the '83 Manifesto is the closest thing to a hint of who you voted for that I've seen in anything related to the Salvation War series, which is damn tricky to pull off in this genre.
Actually, the "longest suicide note in electoral history" crack was made by Labour Party MP Gerald Kaufman.

FYI, I vote for Cthulu. Why settle for the lesser evil?

Re: The Salvation War: Pantheocide Part Eighty Three Up

Posted: 2010-08-13 03:59pm
by Zaune
I long to ask Kaufman whether he thinks what they did in '97 was somehow better. Still, well done for your even-handedness in portraying most of the real-life political figures.

Re: The Salvation War: Pantheocide Part Eighty Three Up

Posted: 2010-08-13 08:38pm
by Simon_Jester
Stuart wrote:I didn't want to foreshadow what was going to happen because that way, the reader feels the sheer shock that Michael felt when a character he had presumed to be dead suddenly appeared. There were a couple of hints that Elhmas was alive; the vagueness of the accounts of his death (which should have tipped Michael off, that was his big mistake) and the near-response to Yahweh's attempt to draw on Elhmas during the battle. That was all that Michael had to go on and so that was all I gave the reader. Other than that, I wanted Elhmas's appearance to be a shock. The model is in the end of some films (for example Rush Hour 3 and a lot of westerns) where the Big Bad has apparently won and is about to whack the hero when there's a shot and the Big bad is brought down by an apparently minor character.
Well, what I think would be good would be to not foreshadow "Elhmas didn't die," but to establish Ehlmas as less of a complete idiot. I haven't seen the film, but I imagine that the scene in Qien Sabe worked because the Mexican revolutionary was built up over the film- he's not a bit player. Thus, the viewer has time to build up a sense of who the Mexican man is. The surprise ending thus has overtones of "Wow, when did he grow a pair? He's smarter than we thought."

But just in terms of screen time, Ehlmas is a bit player in the action of Pantheocide. So your "lesser character comes out of left field and overwhelms someone we normally think of as greater" isn't adequately set up; it's less of a "Wow, when did he grow a pair?" moment and more of a deus ex machina. I'd suggest one or two more scenes where Ehlmas appears and we get Michael's view of him as a mediocre stoner- just to give him some time on screen so he's not a mystery. Then the one you already have that shows Ehlmas as being considerably more competent and intelligent than Michael gives him credit for.

Then everything up to and after the nuke proceeds just as planned- subtle hints that Ehlmas might still be alive, but nothing credible, and nothing that would tip Michael off.
Also, I did much the same thing with Armageddon. Michael appears there in a few places, coming over as just another member of Yahweh's court, as deluded and seduced as the rest. Only in his last appearance do we see the situation through his eyes and realize that he is actually plotting against Yahweh and holds Yahweh in utter contempt. That's the first indication as to how devious he is.
Yes. I suppose if you're planning to set up Ehlmas as a primary character in Lords of War, the parallel structure might work to your advantage. I don't know.

Re: The Salvation War: Pantheocide Part Eighty Three Up

Posted: 2010-08-13 09:48pm
by Ilya Muromets
Zaune wrote:Point taken, though a weapon on the ineffectual end of marginal that's available immediately beats a truly effective weapon that won't become available in useful quantities for a number of weeks, and I'm sure most of the world's armies have at least some old 7.62mm rifles knocking around in the stores. It's a pity they didn't think of producing 5.56mm hollowpoints either, because those might have made an equally good interim measure without issuing new weapons or rendering the old ammo completely worthless.
I've actually thought that was what most of the other, smaller nations did. You know, the lower priority ones which wouldn't get any re-chambered guns in any significant number (if at all) for a long time. A country like the Philippines, for example, if faced with a need for guns with bigger rounds than the 5.56mm NATO would likely just pull out the old stores of M1 Garand and M14 rifles since there's plenty of those left over, and most are kept in working order. Hell, a lot of those are in service with the CAFGU auxiliary militias. There's even a few functional Browning Automatic Rifles in reserve stocks IIRC.

Re: The Salvation War: Pantheocide Part Eighty Three Up

Posted: 2010-08-14 01:53am
by Deebles
Simon_Jester wrote:Well, what I think would be good would be to not foreshadow "Elhmas didn't die," but to establish Ehlmas as less of a complete idiot. I haven't seen the film, but I imagine that the scene in Qien Sabe worked because the Mexican revolutionary was built up over the film- he's not a bit player. Thus, the viewer has time to build up a sense of who the Mexican man is. The surprise ending thus has overtones of "Wow, when did he grow a pair? He's smarter than we thought."

But just in terms of screen time, Ehlmas is a bit player in the action of Pantheocide. So your "lesser character comes out of left field and overwhelms someone we normally think of as greater" isn't adequately set up; it's less of a "Wow, when did he grow a pair?" moment and more of a deus ex machina. I'd suggest one or two more scenes where Ehlmas appears and we get Michael's view of him as a mediocre stoner- just to give him some time on screen so he's not a mystery. Then the one you already have that shows Ehlmas as being considerably more competent and intelligent than Michael gives him credit for.

Then everything up to and after the nuke proceeds just as planned- subtle hints that Ehlmas might still be alive, but nothing credible, and nothing that would tip Michael off.
Meh. I like the existing level of hints, myself; I still got most of the way there before the plot, although the wait between the nuke and now had me double-guessing myself a bit (which is all to the good).

Re: The Salvation War: Pantheocide Part Eighty Three Up

Posted: 2010-08-14 08:21am
by Lagmonster
Hah! Knew my hunch about Ehlmas was spot on. Well done.

Re: The Salvation War: Pantheocide Part Eighty Three Up

Posted: 2010-08-14 11:16am
by thegreatpl
I think that the return of Ehlmas was perfectly spot on. There was, if i remember correctly from what i skimmed from reading the thread at the time, plenty of speculation at the time that he was alive and had had some flunky stand in for him. A debate i think sprang up as to whether or not he was alive, before it got distracted by the next chapter.

And i think you left it just long enough for it to have fallen out of mind, and then blam, he is really alive after all.

Hmmmm, i hope in the next book we see some sort of political chess between the Mason, Ehlmas and Michael as each vie (or not in Ehlmas's case, more like trying to limit the fallout) for power in the new angelic society.

Re: The Salvation War: Pantheocide Part Eighty Three Up

Posted: 2010-08-14 05:51pm
by Pelranius
I suspected Ehlmas was still among the living, but I hadn't expected him to pop up so quickly. And where's he going to go hide now?

Re: The Salvation War: Pantheocide Part Eighty Three Up

Posted: 2010-08-14 06:23pm
by GrayAnderson
Yeah...to echo the "What's he going to do now" question, what does he plan to do? I don't imagine he's going to be showing himself to the humans too quickly, but he also doesn't seem to have anywhere to go.

Re: The Salvation War: Pantheocide Part Eighty Three Up

Posted: 2010-08-14 07:22pm
by Zaune
GrayAnderson wrote:Yeah...to echo the "What's he going to do now" question, what does he plan to do? I don't imagine he's going to be showing himself to the humans too quickly, but he also doesn't seem to have anywhere to go.
Well, if I were him I'd have purchased a beach-house on a remote tropical island and stocked it with a year's supply of junk food, lager and weed for the express purpose of laying low until the dust settled.

Re: The Salvation War: Pantheocide Part Eighty Three Up

Posted: 2010-08-14 10:23pm
by Pelranius
He could go hide with his relatives.

Stuart: I assume that Ehlmas, apparently unlike his father, hasn't brunt the bridges with the rest of his family (I am assuming that Yahweh and Satan are not on speaking terms with their relatives after booting them away from Earth) and could hide out with them (in fact, I'd be surprised if he didn't make such arrangements).

Re: The Salvation War: Pantheocide Part Eighty Three Up

Posted: 2010-08-14 11:54pm
by Zaune
Yaweh having parents or siblings just like any other angel really should have occurred to me before Pelranius brought it up, shouldn't it?

Re: The Salvation War: Pantheocide Part Eighty Three Up

Posted: 2010-08-15 12:07am
by GrayAnderson
Actually, a question that popped in and out of my mind: Elhmas is the son of Yahweh, right? Considering the frequent presence of the Virgin Mary in Catholicism, who's his mother?

Re: The Salvation War: Pantheocide Part Eighty Three Up

Posted: 2010-08-15 12:53am
by Simon_Jester
thegreatpl wrote:I think that the return of Ehlmas was perfectly spot on. There was, if i remember correctly from what i skimmed from reading the thread at the time, plenty of speculation at the time that he was alive and had had some flunky stand in for him. A debate i think sprang up as to whether or not he was alive, before it got distracted by the next chapter.
After his presumed death in the nuclear attack, everything was good. That was well done.

What could have been better, I think was the setup of Ehlmas before the nuclear attack: just to give him a little more face time so that people pay more notice to his death.

Re: The Salvation War: Pantheocide Part Eighty Three Up

Posted: 2010-08-15 01:31am
by wickeddyno
Also, up until his actual appearance, he's almost always referred to as 'Jesus' -- this would be better to have him referred to as Ehlmas for the most part, except perhaps as a nickname that he visibly dislikes, presumably out of a feeling of guilt over the death of Jeshua ben Josef. An expression of this guilt might make him more sympathetic to the readers as well, might get a sense of "Hey, he's really an OK guy", then feel a bit of a loss at his "death" then more of a jolt at his reappearance.

Re: The Salvation War: Pantheocide Part Eighty Three Up

Posted: 2010-08-15 01:40am
by wickeddyno
Oh, and my guesses for Ehlmas's failures on earth are Jesus, Mohammed, and Joan of Arc.

Re: The Salvation War: Pantheocide Part Eighty Three Up

Posted: 2010-08-15 02:22am
by westrim
wickeddyno wrote:Oh, and my guesses for Ehlmas's failures on earth are Jesus, Mohammed, and Joan of Arc.
Joan of Arc is a decent possibility, since she more or less kicked off nationalism, the greatest divider of humanity over the last half millennium. And scientifically we still can't figure out how she was nuts enough to genuinely hear voices, yet not crazy enough to dull her mind and get her rejected as soon as she met Charles. She was a good tactician and an excellent leader in the field, and we have solid historical evidence from her trial of her sound mind and fervent belief in her voices. Possession is just as good as a psychologists shoulder shrug for me.

Re: The Salvation War: Pantheocide Part Eighty Three Up

Posted: 2010-08-15 03:31am
by Pelranius
wickeddyno wrote:Oh, and my guesses for Ehlmas's failures on earth are Jesus, Mohammed, and Joan of Arc.
So Ehlmas was a pretty good military commander (at least for pre-gunpowder and medieval armies), if Muhammed and Joan de Arc are any indicators. Though that sort of does jive with Paradise Lost.

Re: The Salvation War: Pantheocide Part Eighty Three Up

Posted: 2010-08-15 04:21am
by StrikaAmaru
wickeddyno wrote:Oh, and my guesses for Ehlmas's failures on earth are Jesus, Mohammed, and Joan of Arc.
I'd have gone with Jesus, Emperor Constantine, and Mohammed.

To my (admittedly thin) knowledge, Joan d'Arque wasn't planetarily important, she held some relevance to the fate of 15th century France, and did not preach peace and understanding at all. Constantine, however, was instrumental in stopping Christian persecutions, and his trippy vision which historically converted him fits nicely too.

Re: The Salvation War: Pantheocide Part Eighty Three Up

Posted: 2010-08-15 08:33am
by Darth Yan
how did joan kick off nationalism

Re: The Salvation War: Pantheocide Part Eighty Three Up

Posted: 2010-08-15 10:49am
by Ethesis
thegreatpl wrote:I think that the return of Ehlmas was perfectly spot on. There was, if i remember correctly from what i skimmed from reading the thread at the time, plenty of speculation at the time that he was alive and had had some flunky stand in for him. A debate i think sprang up as to whether or not he was alive, before it got distracted by the next chapter.

And i think you left it just long enough for it to have fallen out of mind, and then blam, he is really alive after all.

Hmmmm, i hope in the next book we see some sort of political chess between the Mason, Ehlmas and Michael as each vie (or not in Ehlmas's case, more like trying to limit the fallout) for power in the new angelic society.
I'm assuming this is the last chapter in this volume, so it makes a perfect end cap.

Re: The Salvation War: Pantheocide Part Eighty Two Up

Posted: 2010-08-15 10:53am
by Ethesis
Brovane wrote:
CaptainChewbacca wrote:And at that point they would have been able to envelop and destroy the single largest military force on earth, and the only thing between the hellmouth and civilization. They would'nt have gone global, but they would have taken a chunk out of the mideast and Lucifer might have been bold enough to drop a second force somewhere else.
I have a hard time seeing this. The US still had a large military force in the field. If you look at the order of battle. You have the 25th Mechanized Infantry Division, 10th Mountain Division, 15th Marine Expeditionary Brigade, 1st Armored Division, British Brigade and a Iranian Composite Division with over 300+ tanks. In reserve the humans have the 2-brigades of the 4th Infantry Division and the 82nd Airborne. The 1st Armored Division alone is a incredibly destructive force and had maneuvered to cut off the Baldrick army from the Hell mouth. Even if they would have taken out the forces in Battle of Hit, just part of the human army. They would have emerged with a badly mauled force. Also they are a Leg infantry force. The 82nd Airborne, as the theater reserve could have been moved up to slow down any advance. As the Baldricks are not getting any reinforcements, and they have already taken massive casualties, while human reinforcements are starting to pour into the battle area. Remember the Russians where sending large forces also down into Iraqi. The 1st Armored Division had literally run over the Baldricks with there tanks, the British and Iranians had destroyed the forces facing them. So basically the flanks on both sides of the Baldrick's had collapsed which left these forces free to maneuver against the center. It would have been messy, especially for the 10th Mountain and the Marines if the battle of Hit would have been lost by the humans however it wouldn't have altered the course of the war. At the end of the day the Baldricks don't have the speed to envelop human forces, Let alone a US armored Division. Remember these lines from story?
It was far worse even than that. The baldricks were moving slowly, as a professional, Petraeus recognized them for what they were, an infantry army that moved like one. Slowly, ponderously. They had their cavalry out as screens of course but it was a myth that cavalry forces could move much faster than leg infantry, they could in a tactical sense but the difference strategically was marginal at best. The harpies had been more of a worry, there had been an effort to use them as an advance guard but they’d been shot out of the sky by the F-16s based at Kirkuk and Incirlik. The small detachments, usually three at a time hadn’t stood a chance against the fast jets and after a while, their commander had stopped sending them out.

In contrast, the Allied forces were mobile almost to the point of insanity. They could slash at an enemy formation, disengage, regroup and slash again while their enemy was still wondering what to do about the first attack.
Now if Satan would have organized all of his forces in the beginning and sent say 666 Legions through then things could have turned out differently. The front could easily have collapsed just from shear numbers and the human forces start running out ammunition. However he sent out 66 legions because he had no intelligence on what he was facing and couldn't conceve that humans could defeat even 66 legions. This gave the humans time to bring up more forces and ammunition.
The whole point of tactical nuclear weapons ...

Re: The Salvation War: Pantheocide Part Eighty Three Up

Posted: 2010-08-15 11:56am
by Simon_Jester
westrim wrote:
wickeddyno wrote:Oh, and my guesses for Ehlmas's failures on earth are Jesus, Mohammed, and Joan of Arc.
Joan of Arc is a decent possibility, since she more or less kicked off nationalism, the greatest divider of humanity over the last half millennium. And scientifically we still can't figure out how she was nuts enough to genuinely hear voices, yet not crazy enough to dull her mind and get her rejected as soon as she met Charles. She was a good tactician and an excellent leader in the field, and we have solid historical evidence from her trial of her sound mind and fervent belief in her voices. Possession is just as good as a psychologists shoulder shrug for me.
In this universe? It's practically a certainty that Joan of Arc really was a possessed nephilim. And probably by angels and not demons, unless for some bizarre reason a demon decided to torture someone by giving them the power to win battles. However, there's no reason to assume that it was Ehlmas doing it; it might have been any of a number of other angels doing it sort of as a hobby, just as lowly random demons would torment nephilim before the war put a stop to it.

Her voices weren't present all the time, so far as I know, and they rarely gave her specific information- at least not information that would be outside the ability of angels operating in a medieval setting to control.

I wonder if she ever noticed her voices going away when she put on her helmet... though as I recall her helmet didn't have face coverage, and that might make a difference in this setting.

Re: The Salvation War: Pantheocide Part Eighty Three Up

Posted: 2010-08-15 04:30pm
by GrayAnderson
I think there's at least one more chapter coming, maybe two...Stuart promised us more info on the mechanics of the Hellmouth (namely, how all parties concerned set up who resurrected where and whatnot...and therefore how Mikey was able to swipe people).

Re: The Salvation War: Pantheocide Part Eighty Three Up

Posted: 2010-08-15 07:45pm
by declan
Gogyra wrote:Quick size question: is Ehlmas Yahweh/Uriel-sized, or Michael-sized?

I'd guess that he is Mike size.

There was a reference to him and Mike hanging out in Vegas at one point, and while Vegas probably has its share of freaks, I'd imagine a pair of supersized stoners would not go amiss.

Not to mention that other than Michael, Ehlmas would have been the only other heavenly type that would have been real familiar with Nukes, he may have even seen a few of the test shots.

Declan