biostem wrote: ↑
loomer wrote: ↑
biostem wrote: ↑
I never said that expressing emotion is bad. I only ever advocated for maintaining your composure. Do you not understand that you can feel extremely loss, heartache, and sadness, without crying and carrying on?
Can you or can you not provide evidence that it is healthier to take the course you advocate for than to cry?
You are missing the point completely - can you, or can you not, operate more effectively while crying and carrying on? Who has a higher level of function, a person who is bawling, or a person who remains composed? If you want to conduct an experiment, do something to induce heavy tearing in yourself, and let me know if you're more or less able to function.
The effects of crying, alone, are not very good: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/th ... cts-crying
Certainly, I can't 'operate more effectively while crying'. But my life experience is that I rarely need to operate at full function when I am actively mourning
. Do you often encounter situations where, immediately after being exposed to the death of a loved one or during appropriate mourning, you need to 'operate effectively'? I should hope not, at least outside of immediate hazards like a car wreck, a natural disaster, or a warzone.
Further, your link addresses only the immediate aspect, not the long term aspect of crying and open displays of grief - which is the perspective you were advocating for considering earlier, as I recall, especially with that whole 'Short term comfort, long term harm' metric you decided to invoke. Not only that, but your link does not discount the idea that crying can be beneficial, and states outright that research is mixed.
Here, let's have a contrary opinion. http://www.post-gazette.com/news/health ... 1510050002
Ms. Bylsma, who does research on children who are prone to depression, is also the lead author of a 2008 study that looked at the crying experiences of more than 5,000 men and women from around the world.
The key finding: Most people do feel better after they’ve had a good cry, but their sense of catharsis depends partly on where the crying occurs and whom they’re with.
People tend to feel better if they cry alone, or somewhat privately in front of one other person who can offer sympathy and support, the study says. If they weep in front of two or more people, for instance in the workplace or among strangers, they are less likely to get that intimate support and are more likely to be embarrassed.
People also are more likely to experience catharsis — from a Greek wording meaning to cleanse — if the situation they are crying about is resolved, whether it’s a fight with a spouse or frustration in the office.
Of course, the death of a loved one can’t be resolved, but the study also notes that people can get a sense of catharsis if the crying gives them new insights into their suffering. One of those revelations is that even if you can’t be with the people you lost, you can be comforted by your memories of them....
...Besides the psychological salve of crying, there are direct physical benefits, too, Pitt’s Ms. Bylsma says.
Before someone cries, blood pressure and heart rate climb, and the tears then help the body return to baseline levels, a process known as homeostasis....
Many people associate crying during grief with depression, Ms. Bylsma says, but in fact, deeply depressed people are less likely to cry.
In those who are extremely depressed or traumatized, she says, crying can actually be a sign of healing."
So again. You got any actual evidence that it is healthier - and yes, that does mean over the long term, not just 'oh no, short term immune drop' - to refrain from crying in favour of 'operating... efficiently'?
"You're wonderful, and you're alive, and you deserve every little bit of happiness that the universe has to offer anyone, no matter who or what you like. Never forget that." - Achewood