Picking apart GK's fanfic

Crazy_Vasey · Post by **Crazy_Vasey** » 2002-07-29 03:17pm

After reading it I felt like I had washed my eyes out with bleach.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2002-07-29 03:27pm

It's not a fanfic. It's Graham Kennedy masturbating. Nobody wants to see Graham Kennedy masturbate.

Doomriser · Post by **Doomriser** » 2002-07-29 03:31pm

I'm not so sure about that. I hear that Gothmog and E1701 like to help him out.

Cpt_Frank · Post by **Cpt_Frank** » 2002-07-29 03:33pm

That's disgusting man!

SirNitram · Post by **SirNitram** » 2002-07-29 03:34pm

Darth Wong wrote:It's not a fanfic. It's Graham Kennedy masturbating. Nobody wants to see Graham Kennedy masturbate.

Thanks, now my brain needs to be washed with bleach as well as my eyes. I'd shove you in the Rancor pit but Fluffy escaped...

Wicked Pilot · Post by **Wicked Pilot** » 2002-07-29 04:14pm

I e-mailed Grahamn Kennedy once telling him his "no-laser" idea is full of shit, and gave him some real world examples of why his logic was in fact no logic. His responce was as follows:

As to how this could work with energy, there are various ways.
What if there is an 'intensity threshold' on the shields - when
photons hitting a part of the shield exceed a certain intensity
value, then that part of the shield opens up a little tunnel
into subspace. All the energy then passes through and is lost
harmlessley. No damage to the ship, because nothing is ever
actually hitting the ship. No stress on the shields, any more
than a door is stressed when something passes through it.
And this would work no matter how powerful the incoming beam was
- if the entire output of every star in the universe was fired
at the ship it would make no difference, because it just passes
harmlessley into subspace.

That's just a wild guess, but it illustrates the point nicely -
we have no idea whatsoever how shield technology works in Star
Trek, because it's pure fiction. All we can do is guess how
things work based on what the characters say. And while we could
guess that the characters are not being totally literal about
this, I really see little reason to make that assumption when
the other way works just as well. My policy is to assume
characters mean what they say unless there is a reason within
the show to believe otherwise.

Hope this helps you to understand why I went the way I did with
this.

Nobody · Post by **Nobody** » 2002-07-29 04:36pm

Darth Wong wrote:It's not a fanfic. It's Graham Kennedy masturbating. Nobody wants to see Graham Kennedy masturbate.

I RESENT THAT!!

I most certainly Do NOT!!

*passes out at the Mental Image*

Grand Admiral Thrawn · Post by **Grand Admiral Thrawn** » 2002-07-29 04:48pm

ST ships are not invunerable to lasers.

(Thanks to Mike's database)

RIKER: ... or the Away Team's tricorders.
Sensors: again, we see that a particular type of detonator can make an explosive device invisible to their sensors. If their sensors were capable of the sort of omniscience often described by certain Trekkies, they would be able to detect the explosives themselves, regardless of how the detonator works.

Season 4, Ep# 76: "Suddenly Human"

DATA: Talarian warships are limited to neutral particle weapons, high-energy X-ray lasers and merculite rockets. No match for the Enterprise, Captain.

So the E-D is invulnerable to lasers right?

Season 4, Ep# 76: "Suddenly Human"

RIKER: Geordi, the Talarians are moving into attack posture. Classic triangular envelopment.
GEORDI: I've tapped the impulse engines for additional power to shields, Commander. We're ready.

They needed to tap power from the impulse engines. But surely the magical navigational deflector will save us!

Season 2, Ep# 32: "Loud as a Whisper"

WORF: I'm reading laser activity in the Solari Solar System!
RIKER: How concentrated is the activity?
WORF: It is localized -- and very intense.
RIKER: So much for the cease-fire.
PICARD: Open hailing frequencies.
WORF: I can establish voice only.
PICARD: This is Captain Jean-Luc Picard, commander of the Federation starship USS Enterprise. If you continue to violate the rules by breaking the cease-fire, I will abort this mission.
FIRST LEADER: You have no jurisdiction here, Picard. Where is Riva?
PICARD: Riva is in charge of the summit. I command the ship that brings him. I will not endanger my ship under any circumstances.

Endanger the ship? But they're mearly lasers!

Doomriser · Post by **Doomriser** » 2002-07-29 04:51pm

Don't forget the Borg "cutting laser" that carved the Enterprise up "like a roast."

Cpt_Frank · Post by **Cpt_Frank** » 2002-07-29 05:17pm

Conclusion: Graham Kennedy disregards all canon facts that don't fit his purpose (of masturbating).

2000AD · Post by **2000AD** » 2002-07-29 05:18pm

OUCH! I think I could write better than this.

Hell, even Jade from Big Brother 2002 (UK) could write better than this and that's saying A HELLUVA LOT

Master of Ossus · Post by **Master of Ossus** » 2002-07-29 05:25pm

BTW, Kennedy's "mechanism" for how shields in ST work is full of shit, anyway. We can clearly see that ST weapons BOTH damage the shields and the ship when fired. That could not possibly work if his mechanism is correct.

Kennedy's fanfic sucks shit, anyway. It's just TERRIBLE literature. It has no structure, no plot, its characters are as bad as they come, and it seems to have no relevance to anything. They're really not even stories, they just seem to be events that randomly take place at different times. There is NO figurative language of any kind. There is not even an attempt at breaking away from cliches, and his writing style ranges from bad to awful. I've read bad fanfiction that is reasonably accurate as far as the relative powers of different ships (SW ships beat ST ships, except in huge numbers) but compared to Kennedy, that junk looks like it's been written by a Phi-Beta-Kappa!

Now, this may seem stereotypical, but it is astonishing how much better the "pro-SW" writers are than the "pro-ST" ones. I think that it reveals a fundamental difference in the intelligence levels of the people who support both sides. No one who looks at Wong's work, or Stravo's excellent piece that he is working on, and compares those two to anything Kennedy vomits up could come to the conclusion that Kennedy is very bright. His work is laughable in its stupidity.

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2002-07-29 05:29pm

Yikes! That fanfic is proof that Graham Kennedy is just as much as a hypocrite, a liar, and a Trekkie as Timothy Jones. When I read that crap, I was just about to lose my lunch.

Akm72 · Post by **Akm72** » 2002-07-29 05:50pm

This only proves my point that DITL is only good for pictures and size measurements of insignifigant ST ships.

There're better sites for that sort of thing, such as; http://www.ex-astris-scientia.org/

Master of Ossus · Post by **Master of Ossus** » 2002-07-29 06:13pm

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi wrote:Yikes! That fanfic is proof that Graham Kennedy is just as much as a hypocrite, a liar, and a Trekkie as Timothy Jones. When I read that crap, I was just about to lose my lunch.

He's actually worse. He honestly believes this stuff. And he makes fun of Enterprise continuity, even though he obviously totally disregarded SW continuity for that story (and I use that word loosely, with this piece of work) of his. BTW, we should e-mail him and tell him about this link. That way, maybe he would learn a little about SW and writing, while he's working on his next [cough] masterpiece.

Oberleutnant · Post by **Oberleutnant** » 2002-07-29 06:37pm

"Portal" was the first SW/ST crossover fic I ever read in my life!

Akm72 · Post by **Akm72** » 2002-07-29 06:39pm

Oberleutnant wrote:"Portal" was the first SW/ST crossover fic I ever read in my life!

My sympathies.

Master of Ossus · Post by **Master of Ossus** » 2002-07-29 06:51pm

Oberleutnant wrote:"Portal" was the first SW/ST crossover fic I ever read in my life!

The first and only, in all likelihoods.

I just can't believe that Kennedy thinks that a real confrontation would favor the Federation MORE!

Oberleutnant · Post by **Oberleutnant** » 2002-07-29 07:30pm

If you can ignore some of its -- umm -- negative sides, you can view it as some kind of humorous piece of entertainment. Forget logic and everything what you've seen to happen in SW movies, and the reading experience isn't as painful. *shudders*

When I read "Portal" for the first time, I didn't think it was that bad... Thank god I soon afterwards encountered ASVS fanfic archive and a few other places which shed light into me.

Akm72 · Post by **Akm72** » 2002-07-29 07:31pm

Master of Ossus wrote: I just can't believe that Kennedy thinks that a real confrontation would favor the Federation MORE!

I believe it, he obviously makes every single assumption go in Treks favour. He probably thinks he's being generous letting Turbolasers do any damage at all to Trek ships, and SW ships travel faster than 1.5c.

Master of Ossus · Post by **Master of Ossus** » 2002-07-29 07:42pm

Stravo wrote:The PAIN of reading even these excerpts was almost too much. The sad part is while researching how to write my own fanfic (Star Crossed SHAMESLESS PLUG ) I actually tried to read this pile of steaming shit and could not get past the first PAGE. This is AWFUL. The man should be ashamed he even keeps this thing on his website. We should burn it, bury it and salt the earth where it lies.....

You did the right thing, Stravo. Writers learn by reading the work of other good writers. We can't have your piece of work being screwed by Graham Kennedy's shitty style, lack of characters, and idiotic ideas about how it would actually happen.

Oberleutnant · Post by **Oberleutnant** » 2002-07-29 07:50pm

Isn't GK a high-school teacher or something?

Master of Ossus · Post by **Master of Ossus** » 2002-07-29 07:52pm

Oberleutnant wrote:Isn't GK a high-school teacher or something?

Yeah, but surprisingly not in the United States. He's a school teacher in BRITAIN, and I think he might even teach science!

Oberleutnant · Post by **Oberleutnant** » 2002-07-29 07:57pm

Please, don't tell me anything about American high school teachers! If they are like him in UK. Can you think of any good scene/point/whatever in Portal? At least he made Imperials powerful enough to destroy entire Mars, (or was it just the Utopia Planitia Fleetyards)...

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2002-07-29 07:59pm

Didn't GK say that TPM will keep him away from SW? I don't think that's because he d it. Reference to so many new planets made his "small galaxy" idea even more absurd. In AotC, two planets less than a parsec away are considered "neighbors". He's not watching the prequels because he doesnt' want to see his theories debunked right in front of him. Of course, the OT debunks most of the fic. The very existance of the Stars is impossible without the combined industry of thousands of planets. Coruscant, seen briefly in the SE of RotJ, needs many planets to supply it with food and dispose of it's waste. In the movies, we hear references (or see) these planets.

Tatooine
Alderran
Yavin
Corellia
Hoth
Dagobah
Bespin
Endor
Coruscant
Malastare
Naboo
Kamino
Geonosis

I idd miss a few. Besides, Grand Moff Takrin mentions "The million systems of the Galactic Empire". Of course, it's just dialouge, But, since Kennedy puts dialouge over everything else, why can't we?