UNNAMED PONY FANFIC EPILOGUE: "Homeward Bound"
On the day I went away...
Was all I had to say...
I want to come again and stay...
Oh my my...
Smile, and that will mean, I may...
As the Aponylypse unfurled around him, Darth Fanboy found himself at the crux of a great astronomical shift. One that saw the sprial arms of the galaxy shudder and split apart. The intense graviitational forces tore holes in time and space and threatened to destroy the fabric of time and space, and the once serene galaxy began to reform, it's celestial bodies forming into the shape of a pentagram. Across the universe, countless beings died, and as time looped and swirled out of synch with existence, so to did they die again along with the unborn, those who had died before, and those who were never to be conceived.
Adding to the surreality, Death stood behind him patiently, unblinking and undeterred, intent in her observation.
"Impress me." She said again as she twirled an umbrella, which somehow shielded her from the violently swirling debris.
Looking down, Fanboy saw that Sheppard and Falkenhorst were doomed. Madness had overcome them, and their senses were beyond repair. Screaming in unfilitered horror, the two men had only one last instinct, to somehow kill themselves to end the torment and pain.
"Whatever this was, no living thing can contain it now." Fanboy said, reaching to grab a large blade from it's sheath.
"Doesn't seem like it," Death said as she twisted the handle of the umbrella in her hands in an almost playful fashion. "I guess i'll be turning out the lights sooner than I thought."
And then Fanboy had his revelation. "No living thing can contain it, nothing dead either, but perhaps the dying." He turned. "There was someone I loved once, someone who died but never went away. I think it was you that entire time."
She smirked. "Took you long enough to figure it out, although you're only partially right. She was an image, a creation of dreams and shapes." She stood up and stepped closer. "My brother helped me out with her!",she said proudly.
"She was too real to be a puppet like that." Fanboy said, his hand gripping the handle of the blade firmly as he raised it towards the light of a blood red sun.
"She was real....I am real. But I can be in many places at once, however it doesn't always work for the physical manifestation of one of the enduring forces of the universes to be everywhere all of the time. I experience life as a mortal from time to time, but this one was different, unique beyond any other, because she was created from so many ideas and concepts, things I came across when I first almost met you years ago."
Fanboy turned the blade in his hand so the point stared right back at him, he adjusted his angle. "So the reason I kept seeing her, the reason I risked my life the way I did."
"Each time you nearly died for one reason or the other brought you closer to me, and thus her. I had to go for a while, because you weren't ready yet."
"Ready for what?"
"For this moment."
"To save the universe?" Fanboy asked.
Death laughed. "That's adorable, I only wish it were that noble. The universe will go on no matter what silly, as will other realms of existence and dimensions even I don't much care to traverse. No, what you're doing is as much selfish as it is selfless. This universe will die one way or another, whethers its because of this or because of a slow and cold energyless existence at the end of time. It will be reborn too, and I will be there...she will be there...and, if you want it...you will be there also."
And she looked at him and smiled with the calmest eyes he had ever seen.
"So impress me, and let's see what the rest of eternity has to offer us."
The angle of the blade changed sharply, and Fanboy felt a great power swell up within, and then with as much force as he could muster he brought the blade into his chest. Mountains exploded and geysers of superheated magma shot up around him, the skies burned and oyxgen disappeared. The macabre creatures warring over the broken carcasses of the dead were destroyed in an orgy of violent cataclysm. In the center of it all a dying man tore through the skin of his chest and smashed through his ribs, cutting a deep hole that gushed blood in such a way to attract the few surviving scavengers of the dead. With the hole big enough he let out a primal roar and reached into his chest, and with one last burst of adrenaline he tore out his own heart, crushing it in his grip.
Cause I've seen...OH!...blue skies!
through the tears...In my eyes
And I realize.. I'm going home.
. . . . .
Rob Dalton Prime, confined to his Harkonnen floating chair looked on with digust as his representatives filed the papers. Despite the ultimate Deus Ex that saved the fanfic universe, he had to make a deal with the devil himself. In order to maintain strict control it would be necessary to moderate the activities of the Fanfic Universe more carefully, so that his citadel would never be reduced to a dimensional space equivalent to the size of a kit kat bar ever again.
The treaty with the Germans had been signed. Under the control of the Evil Dread Lady Merkel, and her ever present Chief Guard Thanas, the Germans were given carte blanche to oppress as necessary in order to bring order to the Fanfic Universe...starting with UPF. This would be done in exchange for territorial concessions with their home universe, the BDSM-Fic Universe.
"For starting! All inactive plots lines, from Butter Cows to Ron Mexicos are to be either deleted or to be reconciled with swamp gas explanations. Furthermore! Ze ones known as UPF vill be eliminated! Ze one known as Darth Fanboy iz dead! Sheppard and Falkenhorst are next!" Thanas said as he squeezed his leather gloved fists, much to the delight of Merkel, who stood ominously in the background with a cold straight face, even as she toyed with her right nipple.
. . . . .
Awake on the bridge of the Asskicker for the first time in what seemed like years, Shep and Falk stood up and dusted the...dust...off of their garb. They were back, their crew was back, and the incredibly large shipment of Illicit Betazed Breastmilk was back in containment. Not wanting to spend a lot of time wondering what the fuck happened, or wanting to wonder where the fuck Zaia and the Zeon went off to, they resumed course, hoping that they had come back in time far enough that they could still make the delivery.
. . . . .
STAY TUNED FOR THE CONTINUED ADVENTURES OF SHEP AND FALK, AND FIND OUT IF FANBOY GETS A COMIC BOOK DEATH OR IF THAT DUMB FUCK STAYS DEAD.
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.