ESB needs help for semi-big fic.

[Evil Sadistic Bastard]

Okay... I'm planning a long fanfic, not SW related, but SF related, involving a whole load of weird and shit and I wonder if you guys can lay the feedback upon me. I'll only have a bit of time (3 weeks or so) to post before my ass gets drafted off to defend my country, but I'll try to give back as good as I get.

Okay?

Gooood.

[Mr Bean]

I'll only have a bit of time (3 weeks or so) to post before my ass gets drafted off to defend my country, but I'll try to give back as good as I get.

Which Country is that?

And normaly when drafted(At least in the UK and USA) you get a choice of where to go so running off and joing the Coast Guard might help if you realy don't want to serve or going into the Airforce, lots of non-flying jobs aviable, or Navy, lots of Tecnical jobs involing siting on your rear

[Evil Sadistic Bastard]

The setting: Earth in the near future somewhere around (2050)

The characters:

Alec Matsuzaka, university student with an interesting past...

Natalie Chan, university student, in the same university as Alec.

Pavel Zavorotko, brother of the infamous crime lord Sergei Zavorotko, who is somehow connected to Alec.

Nigel Wong, the (in)famous scientist recently convicted of heinous crimes against humanity. Currently not a major player, but will be soon enough.

I can't think of any other characters as of yet, but I will update this as often as possible.

[Evil Sadistic Bastard]

I'll only have a bit of time (3 weeks or so) to post before my ass gets drafted off to defend my country, but I'll try to give back as good as I get.

Which Country is that?

And normaly when drafted(At least in the UK and USA) you get a choice of where to go so running off and joing the Coast Guard might help if you realy don't want to serve or going into the Airforce, lots of non-flying jobs aviable, or Navy, lots of Tecnical jobs involing siting on your rear

I come from Singapore, or as some people say, "a totalitarian police state run by the PAP which perpetuates a faux democracy to make its communitstic rule seem palatable "

While I don't really care, I will be taken out of action for around 4 months while I learn to fire a gun, use basic infantry tactics, skive on PT, and generally do army things. It may get batter after that, because I'll be in a vocation phase then, but I may not be able to come back here ona regular basis.

Oh, and I'm setting the story hin Singapore, although the scope is global. I mean, why not? Stories of this kind all revolve around abig city in America, which I know nada abouyt. And besides, it's mroe interesting this way.

[Evil Sadistic Bastard]

Prologue: Dominus Pugnae

The wind wailed through the darkened halls, whose floors were illuminated by the moonlight streaming in through the night that had been cleared of clouds. All was quiet. All seemed at peace.

Yet, an attentive observer would be unable to help but notice the little signs that betrayed the tragedy that had befallen this place. The slowly-drying blood that almost matched the red pile carpets. The almost invisible fragments of glass, exploded inwards by the force of a dynamic entry and the holes in the walls that were obscured by shadow. The broken bodies slumped against the doors, bulletproof vests sheared in half and the body below bearing cauterized wounds. The door, slightly ajar, revealing a splash of blood on the wall of the next room, obscured by the dead body of a man in black battle dress uniform, his head torn apart by submachinegun fire.

All these were mute witnesses to what had happened previously. And in the room beyond, another man was kneeling, this one alive, but wishing he were dead, and he cradled the blood-stained body of a young woman in his arms.

" Mary... "

The blonde man's voice cracked. It hurt. His heart hurt. Corny as it might have sounded in other days, he could actually feel a physical agony in his chest that throbbed with each pulse of his life. And below him, the young woman smiled, in spite of the grievous injuries she had sustained. Two rounds had taken her in the chest, and two more in the belly. She was gut-shot - a painful way to die.

" Reiji... " She coughed, this time bringing forth pink froth. The blonde man's eyes widened. He had known, but he had ignored it. She was lungshot - and had scant few moments to live.

" Yes, Mary, what is it? I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! I swear, I'll never let this happen again. It's... " He squeezed his eyes shut, and remembered.

Two of them, coming from his right, the other two coming in from the front door. The first two fired, but they could not have known Reiji perceived the bullets' flight as a leisurely glide though the air. With lightning speed he evaded the shots, and he was already on the two coming in through the door. One had already gotten through, the other was int he middle of the threshold. He broke inot a leap, and let his whole weight go into his foot, which hit the door and evinced a cry of pain from the incoming assaulter as the impact broke a rib. The man halfway through the door fell back, clutching his chest. Without looking he lashed his left elbow out, smashing the other man across the chin before the submachinegun in his hands could be brought into play. Reversing the grip on his heatblade, Reiji drew the superheated blade across the man's chest, laying his torso open and ending his life in a single instant.

All this had taken no more than two seconds.

The blade severed the polymer vest and the nylon sling with an acrid stench of vaporized hydrocarbons, and almost at the same instant, Reiji removed the FN P90 , cocked it and turned to face the first two, who had adjusted their aim and were firing on him. Reiji dove to the right, and he perceived the change in his frame of view as slowly and clearly as he had the path of the previous bullets aimed at him. One shoulder hit the floor, and his legs followed the path his body had taken, and the gun was firmly welded to Reiji's shoulder. Even inverted, he managed to squeeze off four bursts that took the two armored men in the eyepieces and neck. They fell, silenced weapons still blazing at the ceiling, and Reiji came to his feet, his eyes scanning the surroundings, looking fo trouble.

Trouble came of its own accord. The door from which the two men he had just killed swung open, and with that same liquid speed the P90 came up again, But instead of yet another masked adversary, the sight picture revealed... Mary.

Reiji lowered the gun and rushed over to her. Her brown hair was gathered into a ponytail, and she looked disheveled. Nevertheless, she was a sight for sore eyes.

" Reiji! Thank God you're all right! "

She threw her arms around him and buried her head in his jacket's shoulder. He squeezed her back, then spun her around and set her down on his other side.

" The others, how about the others? " At this, Mary's head drooped.

" They're... gone. Vanessa and Derrick were killed in their sleep. I don't know where Pavel is now. Oh my god, Reiji, what's going on? "

" I think I may know... " He raised his other hand to stroke her head. And just as he was about to explain, the front door swung open again, and this time, the man with the broken ribs lurched forth, one hand clutching his injured body, the other thrusting before him his submachinegun, in a grotesque parody of a lover offering a rose. Instantly Reiji's mind was a whirl of thoughts.

" Dammit, I forgot! Stupid! Stupid! Gotta react! "

Reiji suddenly remembered Mary was between the two of them. he attempted to disengage her and turn her aside, but dustracted and taken by surprise, he was too slow. The P90 bloomed orange death, and the 5.7mm projectiles flew true.

Or at least they would have, if Mary had not been in the way. The sharp-nosed bullets drilled into her back, between her shoulderblades, into her lungs. By some great good fortune they missed her heart, though it wass no consolation. She stiffened, and he felt it. She turned, spun by the impact, and fell at the same time. and Reiji saw it, every second of it agonized into a slow-motion eternity by his augmented vision. He tried to bring his gun up, to fire, to end the pain, but he was still half-holding her, and he succeded only in lifting his hand up part of the way.

The soldier's gun barked again, and the bullets caught her across the front this time, piercing her soft abdomen. She grimaced as she fell, eyes glazed over with pain.

A roar escaped his mouth. Reiji punched the gun forward, index finger clenched so tightly to the stock that the flesh turned white. He felt the recoil pump into his hand, his ITTS telling him exactly where the rounds would impact, and he forced his hand down so hard that had he not caught himself at the last moment he would have been shooting at the floor.

But he did, and the armor-piercing rounds chewed through the soldier's helmet, leaving only a disintegrated mass atop a broken body. He slumped back, against the wall, leaving a juicy red stain where his shattered skull impacted it. He dropped to one knee and scooped Mary up, but she had passed out from the pain. His hands tightened, momentarily, and then he slowly released his grip.

And there he was, cradling her in his arms, the battle won and lost.

" ...I'll get you to a hospital. You'll make it. And then, we'll... "

She raised a hand to his face. Her finger touched the first drop of moisture that began to form on his face.

" You're... crying... " She choked, gasped, and hacked forth more arterial blood. "... I'm sorry I was so useless..."

" No, don't say that! Please, hang on! " He tried to stand and carry her, he was strong enough, but she winced, and all thoughts of moving her fled from his mind.

" .. I'm dying... but it doesn't hurt, not any more... " She exhaled gently, and her body quivered, ever so slightly. Reiji trembled. He knew that sensation. He had felt it countless times, slipping the wire around some poor man's throat, and that quivering signalled the body's surrender to death.

" Mary! MARY!!!! No! Don't do this to me! Come on! "

He shook her, but her body was as limp as an understuffed bolster.

Slowly, he set the body down. He fell back on his haunches, eyes unfocused, numb from the shock.

His only thoughts were five words in his native Japanese. He let them slip from between his lips.

" Dare ka... boku wo koroshita... "

He was still for a long, long time.

And then the first tear fell. Outside, it began to rain.

[Insert music: The Dream Within by Lara Fabian]

(Edited 3 times for clarity and spelling)

[Evil Sadistic Bastard]

Please review... I know it's sucky, but you gotta tell me or I'll never get better...

[Kuja]

Very dark. Interesting.

[Evil Sadistic Bastard]

Sooo... is it worthy of continuation?
And it HAD to be dark, this guy's personality is forged upon an anvil of death, pain and suffering and quenched in the blood of the innocents.

[Kuja]

Yes. Continue.