Re: "The Power of a Name" - Dr. Who Multi-Crossover SI Series
Posted: 2017-03-21 12:13pm
Short 27 - Intervention
Losing my chance to regain Katherine left me catatonic for a time. To have worked so hard and come so close, and to reclaim someone lost to something so avoidable... it was frustration like I can't describe.
At first the frustration got to me. I made other... inquiries as to alternative methods. None panned out. Bit by bit the last flickers of hope died.
I... stopped at that point. To lose her, gain hope for regaining her, and to lose her again... it was just too much.
I knew I had to get over it. Grief and loss is part of life, after all. Katherine was gone and there was nothing more I could do. But it gnawed at me. It always gnawed at me. The knowledge of what I could have done. What my potential was.
I'm a Time Lord, after all. Why hadn't I used that? Why hadn't I crushed Ryan Steiner before that bomb was ever conceived? Why had I been so... so cautious?
I could do so much more.
Eventually I started traveling around again. Looking for Cracks I hadn't yet closed. That sort of thing. And that was all. I had no Companions. I... couldn't, at that point in time. Losing Jan and Cami had been bad. Losing Katherine had been worse. And it had reminded me how fragile other species could be. I simply could not open myself up to such loss again.
And yet... the TARDIS remained ever so lonely. I couldn't bring myself to put up Katherine's necklace or my mementos of Jan and Cami's time. And every time I looked at them it reminded me of the joy I'd had with someone to share the entirety of Creation with.
And so there I was, locked between my loneliness and my fear of more loss, burning with frustration.
That was the state I was in when I received the phone call.
Once I tell you the city I went to, you would know whom I was called by.
And you would know why.
So I will not bother with further establishing description. I would rather not recall this at all, but it was an... important moment for me. It involved a friend trying to help me, even if I was so wrapped up in my own problems that I refused to see it at that time.
I materialized the TARDIS into the warmth of early summer. I left it in an alley and made my way into the meeting point, a pub.
Under other circumstances I might have looked forward to finally visiting McAnally's Pub, but I had a good idea why I had received the summons.
The pub's proprietor looked at me closely as I entered. Black pants, white shirt and apron, and a rather ordinary-looking human. Mac looked at me and tilted his head to indicate a sign beside me. "Neutrally Accorded Territory". The Pub was neutral ground in the "supernatural" world of this cosmos. Anyone fighting here would be in violation of the Unseelie Accords and could expect the opprobrium of the supernatural political scene. That was usually fatal.
Of course, I was not an official signatory of those accords, but I had never broken them either.
I nodded in reply and went into the pub proper. Its design was not normal for such an establishment, but given the clientele that couldn't be surprising. The layout was intentionally used to disperse the random energies of magic practitioners and other entities.
My caller was already at a table in the corner. I recognized him from the brown duster and the scraggly stubble. "Hello Harry," I said. "I take it Burger King wasn't the proper venue?"
"Not for this," Harry Dresden replied in a low tone. I looked at his brown eyes - although not into them for obvious reasons - and could see disappointment and anger in them.
Ah. Yes, as I suspected.
"Shall we exchange pleasantries or skip to the reason you're looking at me like I ran over Mister?", I asked flippantly.
"I think you know damn well what my problem is," Harry said coldly.
I nodded and blinked. "My gift to Mab."
"It was a hell of a way to find out about Katherine." Harry thumped his hand on the table. "What.... I don't... I know you're better than this, Doc. I know it."
"If you've heard the whole story, Harry, you know why I did what I did," I answered calmly.
"No, no I don't!", Harry retorted angrily. "I don't know why you thought you had the right to give a mortal over to flipping Mab! I don't see how anything could justify that! Anything!"
"He will not be killed," I pointed out. "As far as Mab is concerned, I am still in charge of his destiny. He's a... loaner."
"Oh, I know Goddamn well how you played that game." Harry pointed his finger at me. "But you also know that doesn't justify throwing a man to monsters.
"He killed dozens of people, Harry."
"And that means you have the right to decide how he's punished?" Harry shook his head. "Listen, I get it. You were pissed. Katherine meant a lot to you and this bastard blowing her up shocked the hell out of you. But dammit, Doc, you know better. You damned well know better than to hand a man to monsters."
"As far as I'm concerned, he was a monster too, and he deserves it," I said coldly. "He's damned lucky I gave him an outlet to go free one day. His employer wasn't so lucky."
Harry glowered at me. "What did you do?"
I smiled mirthlessly. "The Source Wall," I answered. "I threw Ryan Steiner into it. An eternity as conscious stone in a prison for those who grasp for too much power. I thought it fitting."
"Hell's bells," Harry muttered in horror. "My God, Doc.... this is..." He struggled with his voice. "...this is wrong, Doc. You're wrong."
"Perhaps," I said. "But what's done is done. Katherine, her mother, and the others have justice."
"No they don't," Harry countered. "Don't even dare to pretend that was justice. That was revenge. Cold-blooded revenge."
"They're the same thing sometimes." I shook my head and, despite myself, chuckled. "If Mab knew the full truth she would have loved it even more. It was such perfect symmetry."
"What was?", Harry asked, his voice still cold.
"I changed that timeline, Harry," I answered. "I altered things. And yet... it didn't prevent the bombing. The damn bomb still got planted, by the same man, for the same employer, in the same method. Do you want to know the only difference?" i cackled again. "Katherine was there! She was bloody there to get blown to bits because of me! And this, oh, this is the beautiful part. The reason she wasn't there in the timeline that would have existed without me was because she was in on the bomb!"
Harry blinked. "What?"
"I caused her to make different choices, Harry," I laughed. "I kindled her imagination, her wonder, I made her direct her ambition toward that end. If not for that, she would have grown up a spoiled princess to the point that she'd become a megalomaniac! She would have been part of the bomb plot to kill her mother, and then she would have manipulated the people against her brother and other members of her family until she literally tore their nation apart. She would have undone the work of her father and grandmother out of her lust for power, killed millions, and gotten away with it. I changed that. Me."
The response I got was stunned silence. "Doc." Harry shook his head. "I..."
"She was just a little girl when I first saw her, Harry," I continued. "A sweet and innocent child. Why couldn't I divert someone of such promise to better ends? And I did. And she was brilliant. She stopped a war, Harry! She did so much! So don't tell me I was wrong."
"Did she have a choice?", Harry asked bluntly.
"Yes," I insisted. "She had many paths open to her. She chose to be the young woman who traveled with me. Up until that bastard you're pining over killed her."
Harry's fist thumped the table. "I'm not saying he deserves a teddy bear, Doc. I'd toss him to the authorities myself. But you didn't do that! You gave him to Mab!"
"Yes." My face contorted with anger. My words had brought the memory of loss back up. "And he's going to spend decades growing mycosia flowers in the freezing cold of Winter, remembering how he used that flower to murder my Companion and her mother, all while Faeries of Winter torment him for the slightest infractions. And I won't shed one bloody tear. My only regret is that I didn't do enough to stop the bombing from happening." I thumped my hand on the table now. "Because I could have, Harry. I could have done so much more. I'm a bloody Time Lord! I could have crushed Ryan long before he conceived of that bomb. I should have."
"You know damn well you can't just do what you want with timelines, Doc. We had this conversation before, remember?"
"Time Lord brain. Of course I remember," I guffawed. "And I've seen how I was wrong. I've saved so many worlds, Harry. So many cosmoses made better. And I could do so much more." I waved a hand at him. "Even for you. All of the threats I could help you pre-empt. I could make your life happier, I could tell you about the secret that's going to..."
"Knock it off," Harry growled. "You don't get to bribe me with future knowledge to justify the idiot schemes bouncing around in that souped up brain of yours!"
"...I can help you dammit!"
"Not like you are now." Harry shook his head. "We talked about this. Remember that whole 'tapestry' argument? You're talking about yanking at threads now. The threads of my life included! This world is getting crappy enough without that thrown in. I mean... are you even listening to yourself?!"
I went to answer and stopped. "I'm tired Harry," I finally said. "All I have is what I am now. I am the Doctor. I make people better, I make worlds better. And I could do so much more. Let me."
"Go talk to Michael," Harry insisted. "If I can't get through to you, he might."
"Dammit, Dresden, I don't need someone to hold my hand and 'get through to me'!", I shouted angrily, drawing attention from others in the pub. "I am offering you the chance to save people you love. I'm offering you the chance to help save..."
Before I could utter the name of "Susan", Harry waved his hand and cut me off. "You're offering me the chance to throw everything haywire," Harry said. His voice was growing harder while in his eyes I saw... not just anger and disappointment, but fear. Growing fear.
He was... afraid? Afraid for what I was.... no, that wasn't it.
He was afraid of me.
The thought of Harry being afraid of me actually chilled me. I could understand him being angry with me. But what had I done to warrant fear? The truth, of course, was that my argument was making him realize what I was becoming. A Time Lord unbound by the Laws of Time, by the caution that a time traveler must always keep to avoid ruining history. A Time Lord who presumed he could change things for the better and force history to bend to his will.
At that point, a Time Lord, even the Doctor, ceases to be a force for good and becomes something rightly terrifying.
But I was not ready to think such thoughts. My frustration with what had happened to Katherine and my desire to do good in the Multiverse was becoming a toxic compound.
"I can fix things, Harry," I hissed. "I can make this world better, please, trust me."
"Do you really think you're wise enough?", Harry asked hoarsely.
"I'm a Time Lord," I answered, believing that sufficient.
"That's not a real answer," he pointed out. Harry shook his head. "Doc, you need your head on straight. Please go talk to Michael."
"I don't need to be psychoanalyzed and told how I should trust God to make things alright," I countered. "Listen, I respect you, Harry. I understand you're frightened by the thought of what I could do. But don't let fear dictate your actions. You know better."
"Doc, I've been there," Harry said softly. "I've felt those feelings before. But you've got to recognize limits. The Laws of Magic, the Laws of Time, they all exist for a reason. You're still a Human, even if you've been turned into a TIme Lord."
"How do you know that?", I asked. "I thought I was Human, yes, but it's become clear to me that was just confusion from my memories being blanked."
"Okay, maybe not literally, but even Time Lords still share Human qualities. We're almost the same. Except you're even more dangerous to yourself and others if you lose control." Harry reached over and took my wrist. "Dammit, don't ignore this! You need to get your head back in order before you do anything you'll regret."
I didn't answer at first. A part of me wanted to shout at him, wanted to deny what he was saying and express anger at his clear mistrust.
But there was yet a small part of me that was not ready to take the final plunge. A part that recognized Harry had a point, that I needed to think more on this, before it was too late.
"I'll think things over," I promised Harry, standing up. "But I'm not going to stop doing what I believe is right."
"Just..." Harry swallowed. "You need someone to travel with, Doc."
"Not anymore," I answered. "I can't do that. I need to face this alone."
"Please..."
I answered by turning my back to him and walking away. A part of me actually began calculating my options. Yes, those options. Harry's mistrust was starting to effect me like that. I was now suspicious on whether he would follow me out and attack me. Attempt to subdue me and drag me to Michael or whomever to be talked down.
And for those moments, I actually considered fighting Harry. The ways I could hurt him, stop him, put him down so hard he'd never come at me again.
And, quite possibly, never be my friend again.
I forced that thought down. Harry wasn't here for a fight. If I were to start trouble, start trying to screw with events, then yes, he might fight. He'd do so for the noble purpose of saving me from myself. I wasn't sure which way such a fight would go; I might be a Time Lord, but Harry was a powerful combat wizard, even if he had yet to claim the mantle of the Winter Knight. That was another decision of his in the not-so-far future that I could change.
All I'd have to do is get the right weapon, deliver the right information.... and I could undo that. I could stop the changes coming in Harry's life. And....
My thoughts were interrupted when Harry called out to me. I turned, a fair distance from his table by this point, and just as I completed the turn an object flew from his right hand into my hands. I looked down at it and recognized the device.
It was the temporal beacon. The one I'd left him, that let him turn even an old land-line into a phone connection he could call me with.
"Harry?", I asked, holding it up.
"Don't worry, I'll take it back," he answered, nursing a bottle of Mac's best beer, which I still had yet to partake of. "But only after you show me you've got your head on straight. I'm not having you rampaging around when I've already got a bad situation going down."
"Harry..." I almost threw it back. But I could see the stubborn determination to refuse it in his eyes.
He'd made his choice.
And so I made mine. I pocketed it and walked out of Mac's without another word.
I returned to the TARDIS. As I opened the door I felt a presence behind me and turned. I expected it to be Harry. "Change your mind Har-...."
The figure was most definitely not Harry. He wore the cowl of his cloak up on his head, casting much of his face in shadow. But I could make out the desert-tanned bronze of his skin. And the glass eye.
"To what do I owe the honor?", I asked.
"I came to see how far you'd gone," the Gatekeeper answered calmly, his voice a soft English accent. "You wield great power, Doctor. Now you feel it tempting you. I plead with you, do not give in to the worst of those impulses."
"Did Harry call you?", I asked, pointedly. "Is this some sort of wizardly intervention for me?"
"No. He did not need to." The Gatekeeper settled his staff on the ground. "They say the road to Hell is paved by good intentions, Doctor. That is the road you are choosing to follow. I ask you, step off of it."
"A fair warning," I admitted.
"Yes.." The Gatekeeper sighed. "Harry considers you a friend, Doctor. He could not bring himself to raise his power against you, even for your own good. I have no such limitation."
The hairs on the back of my neck stood up on end. As much as I'd considered the possibility of a fight with Harry, I'd known that prospect would be a tight one and the outcome unclear. And against arguably the most senior member of the Senior Council of the White Council?
Against that power, even at my best I would be hard-pressed to just get away.
"I pray you make wise decisions, Doctor," Rashid continued. "Listen to your reason."
He turned and walked away.
I stood for a moment at the TARDIS door, silent. I thought hard about things. On my choices lately. On the fire that was growing inside me, the demand to do more, the frustration with things going wrong.
Was I on the wrong path?
For a moment, a key moment, I thought about going to the Carpenter house after all.
It is what I should have done.
But I didn't.
I got into the TARDIS and left Harry's cosmos.
And in doing so, I missed my last chance to avoid what was coming.
Losing my chance to regain Katherine left me catatonic for a time. To have worked so hard and come so close, and to reclaim someone lost to something so avoidable... it was frustration like I can't describe.
At first the frustration got to me. I made other... inquiries as to alternative methods. None panned out. Bit by bit the last flickers of hope died.
I... stopped at that point. To lose her, gain hope for regaining her, and to lose her again... it was just too much.
I knew I had to get over it. Grief and loss is part of life, after all. Katherine was gone and there was nothing more I could do. But it gnawed at me. It always gnawed at me. The knowledge of what I could have done. What my potential was.
I'm a Time Lord, after all. Why hadn't I used that? Why hadn't I crushed Ryan Steiner before that bomb was ever conceived? Why had I been so... so cautious?
I could do so much more.
Eventually I started traveling around again. Looking for Cracks I hadn't yet closed. That sort of thing. And that was all. I had no Companions. I... couldn't, at that point in time. Losing Jan and Cami had been bad. Losing Katherine had been worse. And it had reminded me how fragile other species could be. I simply could not open myself up to such loss again.
And yet... the TARDIS remained ever so lonely. I couldn't bring myself to put up Katherine's necklace or my mementos of Jan and Cami's time. And every time I looked at them it reminded me of the joy I'd had with someone to share the entirety of Creation with.
And so there I was, locked between my loneliness and my fear of more loss, burning with frustration.
That was the state I was in when I received the phone call.
Once I tell you the city I went to, you would know whom I was called by.
And you would know why.
So I will not bother with further establishing description. I would rather not recall this at all, but it was an... important moment for me. It involved a friend trying to help me, even if I was so wrapped up in my own problems that I refused to see it at that time.
I materialized the TARDIS into the warmth of early summer. I left it in an alley and made my way into the meeting point, a pub.
Under other circumstances I might have looked forward to finally visiting McAnally's Pub, but I had a good idea why I had received the summons.
The pub's proprietor looked at me closely as I entered. Black pants, white shirt and apron, and a rather ordinary-looking human. Mac looked at me and tilted his head to indicate a sign beside me. "Neutrally Accorded Territory". The Pub was neutral ground in the "supernatural" world of this cosmos. Anyone fighting here would be in violation of the Unseelie Accords and could expect the opprobrium of the supernatural political scene. That was usually fatal.
Of course, I was not an official signatory of those accords, but I had never broken them either.
I nodded in reply and went into the pub proper. Its design was not normal for such an establishment, but given the clientele that couldn't be surprising. The layout was intentionally used to disperse the random energies of magic practitioners and other entities.
My caller was already at a table in the corner. I recognized him from the brown duster and the scraggly stubble. "Hello Harry," I said. "I take it Burger King wasn't the proper venue?"
"Not for this," Harry Dresden replied in a low tone. I looked at his brown eyes - although not into them for obvious reasons - and could see disappointment and anger in them.
Ah. Yes, as I suspected.
"Shall we exchange pleasantries or skip to the reason you're looking at me like I ran over Mister?", I asked flippantly.
"I think you know damn well what my problem is," Harry said coldly.
I nodded and blinked. "My gift to Mab."
"It was a hell of a way to find out about Katherine." Harry thumped his hand on the table. "What.... I don't... I know you're better than this, Doc. I know it."
"If you've heard the whole story, Harry, you know why I did what I did," I answered calmly.
"No, no I don't!", Harry retorted angrily. "I don't know why you thought you had the right to give a mortal over to flipping Mab! I don't see how anything could justify that! Anything!"
"He will not be killed," I pointed out. "As far as Mab is concerned, I am still in charge of his destiny. He's a... loaner."
"Oh, I know Goddamn well how you played that game." Harry pointed his finger at me. "But you also know that doesn't justify throwing a man to monsters.
"He killed dozens of people, Harry."
"And that means you have the right to decide how he's punished?" Harry shook his head. "Listen, I get it. You were pissed. Katherine meant a lot to you and this bastard blowing her up shocked the hell out of you. But dammit, Doc, you know better. You damned well know better than to hand a man to monsters."
"As far as I'm concerned, he was a monster too, and he deserves it," I said coldly. "He's damned lucky I gave him an outlet to go free one day. His employer wasn't so lucky."
Harry glowered at me. "What did you do?"
I smiled mirthlessly. "The Source Wall," I answered. "I threw Ryan Steiner into it. An eternity as conscious stone in a prison for those who grasp for too much power. I thought it fitting."
"Hell's bells," Harry muttered in horror. "My God, Doc.... this is..." He struggled with his voice. "...this is wrong, Doc. You're wrong."
"Perhaps," I said. "But what's done is done. Katherine, her mother, and the others have justice."
"No they don't," Harry countered. "Don't even dare to pretend that was justice. That was revenge. Cold-blooded revenge."
"They're the same thing sometimes." I shook my head and, despite myself, chuckled. "If Mab knew the full truth she would have loved it even more. It was such perfect symmetry."
"What was?", Harry asked, his voice still cold.
"I changed that timeline, Harry," I answered. "I altered things. And yet... it didn't prevent the bombing. The damn bomb still got planted, by the same man, for the same employer, in the same method. Do you want to know the only difference?" i cackled again. "Katherine was there! She was bloody there to get blown to bits because of me! And this, oh, this is the beautiful part. The reason she wasn't there in the timeline that would have existed without me was because she was in on the bomb!"
Harry blinked. "What?"
"I caused her to make different choices, Harry," I laughed. "I kindled her imagination, her wonder, I made her direct her ambition toward that end. If not for that, she would have grown up a spoiled princess to the point that she'd become a megalomaniac! She would have been part of the bomb plot to kill her mother, and then she would have manipulated the people against her brother and other members of her family until she literally tore their nation apart. She would have undone the work of her father and grandmother out of her lust for power, killed millions, and gotten away with it. I changed that. Me."
The response I got was stunned silence. "Doc." Harry shook his head. "I..."
"She was just a little girl when I first saw her, Harry," I continued. "A sweet and innocent child. Why couldn't I divert someone of such promise to better ends? And I did. And she was brilliant. She stopped a war, Harry! She did so much! So don't tell me I was wrong."
"Did she have a choice?", Harry asked bluntly.
"Yes," I insisted. "She had many paths open to her. She chose to be the young woman who traveled with me. Up until that bastard you're pining over killed her."
Harry's fist thumped the table. "I'm not saying he deserves a teddy bear, Doc. I'd toss him to the authorities myself. But you didn't do that! You gave him to Mab!"
"Yes." My face contorted with anger. My words had brought the memory of loss back up. "And he's going to spend decades growing mycosia flowers in the freezing cold of Winter, remembering how he used that flower to murder my Companion and her mother, all while Faeries of Winter torment him for the slightest infractions. And I won't shed one bloody tear. My only regret is that I didn't do enough to stop the bombing from happening." I thumped my hand on the table now. "Because I could have, Harry. I could have done so much more. I'm a bloody Time Lord! I could have crushed Ryan long before he conceived of that bomb. I should have."
"You know damn well you can't just do what you want with timelines, Doc. We had this conversation before, remember?"
"Time Lord brain. Of course I remember," I guffawed. "And I've seen how I was wrong. I've saved so many worlds, Harry. So many cosmoses made better. And I could do so much more." I waved a hand at him. "Even for you. All of the threats I could help you pre-empt. I could make your life happier, I could tell you about the secret that's going to..."
"Knock it off," Harry growled. "You don't get to bribe me with future knowledge to justify the idiot schemes bouncing around in that souped up brain of yours!"
"...I can help you dammit!"
"Not like you are now." Harry shook his head. "We talked about this. Remember that whole 'tapestry' argument? You're talking about yanking at threads now. The threads of my life included! This world is getting crappy enough without that thrown in. I mean... are you even listening to yourself?!"
I went to answer and stopped. "I'm tired Harry," I finally said. "All I have is what I am now. I am the Doctor. I make people better, I make worlds better. And I could do so much more. Let me."
"Go talk to Michael," Harry insisted. "If I can't get through to you, he might."
"Dammit, Dresden, I don't need someone to hold my hand and 'get through to me'!", I shouted angrily, drawing attention from others in the pub. "I am offering you the chance to save people you love. I'm offering you the chance to help save..."
Before I could utter the name of "Susan", Harry waved his hand and cut me off. "You're offering me the chance to throw everything haywire," Harry said. His voice was growing harder while in his eyes I saw... not just anger and disappointment, but fear. Growing fear.
He was... afraid? Afraid for what I was.... no, that wasn't it.
He was afraid of me.
The thought of Harry being afraid of me actually chilled me. I could understand him being angry with me. But what had I done to warrant fear? The truth, of course, was that my argument was making him realize what I was becoming. A Time Lord unbound by the Laws of Time, by the caution that a time traveler must always keep to avoid ruining history. A Time Lord who presumed he could change things for the better and force history to bend to his will.
At that point, a Time Lord, even the Doctor, ceases to be a force for good and becomes something rightly terrifying.
But I was not ready to think such thoughts. My frustration with what had happened to Katherine and my desire to do good in the Multiverse was becoming a toxic compound.
"I can fix things, Harry," I hissed. "I can make this world better, please, trust me."
"Do you really think you're wise enough?", Harry asked hoarsely.
"I'm a Time Lord," I answered, believing that sufficient.
"That's not a real answer," he pointed out. Harry shook his head. "Doc, you need your head on straight. Please go talk to Michael."
"I don't need to be psychoanalyzed and told how I should trust God to make things alright," I countered. "Listen, I respect you, Harry. I understand you're frightened by the thought of what I could do. But don't let fear dictate your actions. You know better."
"Doc, I've been there," Harry said softly. "I've felt those feelings before. But you've got to recognize limits. The Laws of Magic, the Laws of Time, they all exist for a reason. You're still a Human, even if you've been turned into a TIme Lord."
"How do you know that?", I asked. "I thought I was Human, yes, but it's become clear to me that was just confusion from my memories being blanked."
"Okay, maybe not literally, but even Time Lords still share Human qualities. We're almost the same. Except you're even more dangerous to yourself and others if you lose control." Harry reached over and took my wrist. "Dammit, don't ignore this! You need to get your head back in order before you do anything you'll regret."
I didn't answer at first. A part of me wanted to shout at him, wanted to deny what he was saying and express anger at his clear mistrust.
But there was yet a small part of me that was not ready to take the final plunge. A part that recognized Harry had a point, that I needed to think more on this, before it was too late.
"I'll think things over," I promised Harry, standing up. "But I'm not going to stop doing what I believe is right."
"Just..." Harry swallowed. "You need someone to travel with, Doc."
"Not anymore," I answered. "I can't do that. I need to face this alone."
"Please..."
I answered by turning my back to him and walking away. A part of me actually began calculating my options. Yes, those options. Harry's mistrust was starting to effect me like that. I was now suspicious on whether he would follow me out and attack me. Attempt to subdue me and drag me to Michael or whomever to be talked down.
And for those moments, I actually considered fighting Harry. The ways I could hurt him, stop him, put him down so hard he'd never come at me again.
And, quite possibly, never be my friend again.
I forced that thought down. Harry wasn't here for a fight. If I were to start trouble, start trying to screw with events, then yes, he might fight. He'd do so for the noble purpose of saving me from myself. I wasn't sure which way such a fight would go; I might be a Time Lord, but Harry was a powerful combat wizard, even if he had yet to claim the mantle of the Winter Knight. That was another decision of his in the not-so-far future that I could change.
All I'd have to do is get the right weapon, deliver the right information.... and I could undo that. I could stop the changes coming in Harry's life. And....
My thoughts were interrupted when Harry called out to me. I turned, a fair distance from his table by this point, and just as I completed the turn an object flew from his right hand into my hands. I looked down at it and recognized the device.
It was the temporal beacon. The one I'd left him, that let him turn even an old land-line into a phone connection he could call me with.
"Harry?", I asked, holding it up.
"Don't worry, I'll take it back," he answered, nursing a bottle of Mac's best beer, which I still had yet to partake of. "But only after you show me you've got your head on straight. I'm not having you rampaging around when I've already got a bad situation going down."
"Harry..." I almost threw it back. But I could see the stubborn determination to refuse it in his eyes.
He'd made his choice.
And so I made mine. I pocketed it and walked out of Mac's without another word.
I returned to the TARDIS. As I opened the door I felt a presence behind me and turned. I expected it to be Harry. "Change your mind Har-...."
The figure was most definitely not Harry. He wore the cowl of his cloak up on his head, casting much of his face in shadow. But I could make out the desert-tanned bronze of his skin. And the glass eye.
"To what do I owe the honor?", I asked.
"I came to see how far you'd gone," the Gatekeeper answered calmly, his voice a soft English accent. "You wield great power, Doctor. Now you feel it tempting you. I plead with you, do not give in to the worst of those impulses."
"Did Harry call you?", I asked, pointedly. "Is this some sort of wizardly intervention for me?"
"No. He did not need to." The Gatekeeper settled his staff on the ground. "They say the road to Hell is paved by good intentions, Doctor. That is the road you are choosing to follow. I ask you, step off of it."
"A fair warning," I admitted.
"Yes.." The Gatekeeper sighed. "Harry considers you a friend, Doctor. He could not bring himself to raise his power against you, even for your own good. I have no such limitation."
The hairs on the back of my neck stood up on end. As much as I'd considered the possibility of a fight with Harry, I'd known that prospect would be a tight one and the outcome unclear. And against arguably the most senior member of the Senior Council of the White Council?
Against that power, even at my best I would be hard-pressed to just get away.
"I pray you make wise decisions, Doctor," Rashid continued. "Listen to your reason."
He turned and walked away.
I stood for a moment at the TARDIS door, silent. I thought hard about things. On my choices lately. On the fire that was growing inside me, the demand to do more, the frustration with things going wrong.
Was I on the wrong path?
For a moment, a key moment, I thought about going to the Carpenter house after all.
It is what I should have done.
But I didn't.
I got into the TARDIS and left Harry's cosmos.
And in doing so, I missed my last chance to avoid what was coming.