The Parlor of Saint Peter's Cursed Horseman! (Original Fiction, AU + NSFW)

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The Parlor of Saint Peter's Cursed Horseman! (Original Fiction, AU + NSFW)

Postby Archinist » 2016-07-26 10:44am

PART 1

A Garden Shed, Southern Australia, Northern Adelaide

Thomas sat down in his garage, working on a motor to fit into his new boat, called Cassie, shortened to simply 'CAS'. It was a good boat with one engine but sometimes it broke down and Thomas was about to fix it.

A generator hummed and chugged on dirty fuel in the corner as the lights flickered and dimmed for a second. There had been a local blackout for some reason, probably a result of the winter storms which were throwing massive boulders around in the backyard, Thomas could only just hear through the extra solid metal doors and double-brick layers.

It was a good thing that Thomas had upgraded the garden shed's structural stability, or the storm might have killed him by now. Suddenly, there was a terrible smashing noise and Jill, Thomas's wife walked inside. She picked up a concrete block on the ground and dropped it on the ground.

"Jill, what are you doing? Go and cook the eggs for the dog, darling. Don't want him to starve, else the boat will drown in the ocean and yeah.", said Thomas as he whacked the engine with a spanner.

"Alrighty dear, I will go and make an egg.", said Jill as she walked back inside.

There was a clattering sound and a plate smashed. Jill walked back into the shed and started to scream.

"Honey, the birds are killed. There must have been an intruder. We need to get the shotgun and shoot them if they come back, understand? It's up there in the wardrobes, where are the bullets?", said Jill, slightly confused.

"Shit, the birds? Don't worry, I just forgot to feed them. I guess I'd better feed them now, then?", said Thomas, picking up a bottle of motor oil and walking into the bird room. The birds were still and motionless on the cage floor, but Thomas was not worried, they were probably just sleeping.

"Here here chicky chicky", said Thomas, pouring the oil bottle over the birds, drenching their decomposing skins. He dropped the bottle in the cage and walked off to the garage.

"Jill, if you wouldn't mind?? Here, take the eggs to the dog, I'm sure he'll love them! I will go and get the CAS in operation, never know when we'll need her, okay?", said Thomas as he picked up a pipe wrench and started beating the engine block with it.

Suddenly, there was a loud beeping noise from the wall. Thomas whipped around, sending the metal pipe flying into a wall. "Goddamned alarm, I already woke up you piece of shit! Why are you still ringing?!", Thomas said as he began groping randomly at the plastic box on the wall.

"Alarm! You're not supposed to distract people from their work, you're supposed to wake them up! Not distract! Understand?! UNDERSTAND!! YOU FOOL, I WILL DESTROY YOU!", yelled Thomas in a fury.

Thomas found a plughole and ripped out the plug. The alarm finally stopped, thank the heavens for that. What type of idiot set the alarm for the middle of the afternoon?! The cold weather must be getting to his head, he thought and walked over the the central gas heating center and maxed out the settings.

Jill removed three eggs from the fridge and set them down on the gas stove top and switched the burners on, all of them. She reached down and lit a match near them, activating the burners, which flared upwards with a brilliant orangey color.

The eggs began to get very hot to the touch, so that means they were probably done, but the dog only needed one. Jill picked one egg up walked over the the dog kennel, but the dog was not there. Jill called out it's name and waited until it slowly arrived from the upper staircase. Why was the dog up there? It didn't matter, she walked over and smashed the egg on the dog and murmured at the dog to eat it and walked back into the kitchen.

"Thomas, hurry up with that boat. We need to get the CAS and get out of here before we're crushed by boulders. The news channel suggests to stay indoors, but fuck that, we'll get ripped to shreds by boulders. As soon as that boat is done, we're getting out of this place.", said Jill, looking at the boat.

"Yes, it is nearly complete. Such a wonderful tool, the CAS. I do wonder how people managed without it.", said Thomas. Suddenly he cried out as a shadow crept over the work bench.

"Fuck! That must have been a winter demon, get the dog and the shotgun! It can be killed with a good bullet, so kill it, okay?", said Thomas, suddenly confused.

"No, no, darklinks. It was only a rat, such things are common in our time period. Just stay calm, everything will be alright. We'll go Sydney, there is a giant ship there where they will feed us forever.", said Jill, trying to comfort Thomas.

"Oh, of course. Just watch the windows, okay? Things are getting pretty rough out there, we need to watch our backs.", said Thomas. Jill walked over to a glass window and peered out, trying to see anything, but the window was completely misted over and dripping with residue.

"Oh no, man. The windows are all covered up with water? Is it raining outside? Oh god, I hope we're not underwater. But we do have a boat, after all.", said Jill, rubbing her forehead.

"Sure. The boat is almost done, but I don't think I can finish it right now, honey, I've an awful migraine. Just going to lie down for a bit, right? Try and give me some dog soup, I really love the eggs!", said Thomas and collapsed on the floor.

"CAS, CAS, where are yooooou...??", said Jill, purring to the boat. "Brrrrr-brrrrrrr, little boaty. What sound are the hills filled with now, my little boaty?", said Jill, walking on the boat and detaching it.

"Oh my, I almost forgot the eggs! I'll be back, boat! Remember, Jills have a 200x greater affinity to boats than Thomases, riiiight? Or something like that, I heard that from the darling newsman, sweetie boaty! The newsman! Oh my!", said Jill, picking up a random cable and biting on it.

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Re: The Parlor of Saint Peter's Cursed Horseman! (Original Fiction, AU + NSFW)

Postby madd0ct0r » 2016-07-26 02:48pm

do you seek feedback or confused expressions?
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Re: The Parlor of Saint Peter's Cursed Horseman! (Original Fiction, AU + NSFW)

Postby Borgholio » 2016-07-26 02:53pm

madd0ct0r wrote:do you seek feedback or confused expressions?


How about confused feedback?
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Re: The Parlor of Saint Peter's Cursed Horseman! (Original Fiction, AU + NSFW)

Postby Archinist » 2016-07-27 03:31am

Borgholio wrote:
madd0ct0r wrote:do you seek feedback or confused expressions?

How about confused feedback?
madd0ct0r wrote:do you seek feedback or confused expressions?


What do you mean? The characters in the story are intentionally designed to be a bit "out of it" for a specific purpose for the story. There is nothing too confusing here, you just have to pay attention to what is going on.

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Re: The Parlor of Saint Peter's Cursed Horseman! (Original Fiction, AU + NSFW)

Postby LadyTevar » 2016-07-27 08:55pm

Archinist wrote:What do you mean? The characters in the story are intentionally designed to be a bit "out of it" for a specific purpose for the story. There is nothing too confusing here, you just have to pay attention to what is going on.
Constructive Critique:
There is a line between having your characters "out of it", and totally losing the reader. Crossing that line means the readers aren't going to read any further, because there's no connection to the characters or to the situation they're in. If the readers don't connect to the story, they won't read it.

I see no reason to keep reading at this point.
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Re: The Parlor of Saint Peter's Cursed Horseman! (Original Fiction, AU + NSFW)

Postby Archinist » 2016-08-08 10:34am

Profanity/violence warning

James Racket was sleeping his bed when it happened. At first there was a gentle moaning sound as bits of metal and wood rained down from the apartment building, but then there was a terrible ripping noise as the entire ceiling caved in and several dozen gas bottles filled with gas tumbled out of the ceiling.

Sparks rained down from snapped cables and dust poured into the room from a mountain of powder rushing from the ceiling.

"Shit! The room is filling with dust. I need to escape immediately before the gas bottles overheat and explode.", said James Racket as he pounced out of bed and ran into the apartment's hallway, grabbing a M16 rifle hanging off the ceiling.

Several firemen burst out of the woodworks, and came yelling towards him, holding some sort of machinary. James spun around, firing his M16 frantically at the firemen, downing them instantly.

"Fuck it! Alright, Rosetta, I require immediate support. Uploading coordinates now.", said James, talking to his phone. There was a buzzing noise somewhere in the city as over one hundred attack helicopters spun to life.

James ripped a set of elevator doors off with his bare hands and leaped down the shaft, falling 30 levels before hitting the ground. His leg was slightly bruised, but otherwise nothing too serious had happened.

James crept along the hotel's corridor, peeking around the corner in time to see a dozen police officers slowly making their way towards him. He pulled out his M16 and lept around the corner, the muzzle of his rifle flashing red and orange.

The officers were shredded by the rounds, and a mixture of red mist and gray dust was tossed into the air around them as their insides were ripped apart by the hailstorm of lead.

James quickly dashed outside the building, killing over 20 firemen and hotel workers as he did so.

Elsewhere

A man sat at a desk, paper in hand. He was planning on upgrading his office's heating systems, but had run out of money and now several officers were dead from the cold. He sipped his cold coffee and looked out the window.

He had a good idea, though. New York City was under attack by some of raving madman, so if he could hunt this man down, the government would most likely give him a massive amount of money.

First, he rounded up his forces. He had over 700 SWAT personnel, 1,500 standard policemen and dozens of armoured vehicles.

He gathered all 10 M1A2 Abrams tanks into a corner, 20 AH-6 little birds, 40 MH-53 Pave Lows, 70 LAV-25s and over 300 M113s. He ordered his little birds to pick up the M113s and carry them to the top of a skyscraper, for maximum defensive values, while his Abrams tanks would be carried by the pave lows permanetely giving the Abrams tanks the ability to function as a helicopter gunship with the armour of a tank.

The man also attaches two high-torque jet engines onto the LAV-25s and fits them with aeroplane wings and a single rotating blade at the top, thus making the LAV-25s resemble something similar to both a gunship and a CAS fighter jet.

He launches the LAVs first, watching their engines scream as they clear the runway and lift into the skies. Then he asigns a task force of 10 little birds to unload some weapons on a nearby mountain side, in order to begin preparing for construction of a fort. The little birds land ontop of the mountain, but the mountain is very dark and some of the crew fall off the mountain and die.

The Abrams tanks are hoisted onto the helicopters, but there is a terrible creaking noise and the man, who is actually the president in disguise, gets worried. He orders his men to fire at the helicopters slinging the Abrams tanks to make sure that they are sturdy. The helicopters seem to be okay, so he tells them to fly back into the city.

Meanwhile, the president unveils a set of 20, 500 megaton nuclear warheads he has at his disposal and prepares to fire them at the city. He also has a nuclear submarine fitted out with tank treads and drives it on the land, but then it gets stuck in a hole and the crew run out of oxygen and die.

Meanwhile, an earthquake occurs and the ground splits open and an ancient city is revealed! But the president is horrified when he realises that the city contains hundreds of thousands of ancient Roman soldiers which are furious and begin pillaging dozens of local towns.

Most people just though they were cosplayers and ignored them, even when they started massacring people on the streets most people thought it was just a prank and ignored them while looking for rare pokemons.

Very quickly, the Romans adapted to the technology and created a hundred warmachines equivalent to a WWII King Tiger tank and began reducing entire cities to rubble with primitive spitfires and tiny atomic bombs.

The president ignores them and focuses on the James killer in NYC, watching in shock as he butchers more than half of the population in mere days. The president screams and deploys the entire U.S. military, but since they are in the Middle East, they take a while to arrive.

The president tells them to hurry, and they do so, loading dozens of M1 tanks on little bird helicopters, which drastically reduces their average life expectancy.

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Re: The Parlor of Saint Peter's Cursed Horseman! (Original Fiction, AU + NSFW)

Postby Simon_Jester » 2016-08-08 10:54am

Please seek medical attention for your acid trips before they cause further injury to you.
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Re: The Parlor of Saint Peter's Cursed Horseman! (Original Fiction, AU + NSFW)

Postby Archinist » 2016-08-25 10:57am

Far, far away, stood Jim, a man sitting on his wooden seat, waiting for the truck to arrive.
He was quite nervous, and was hoping that the truck would arrive soon, so he could test his new tools on the neighbour's tank, which was sitting in his driveway, blocking it completely. It had been sitting there for a long time now, ever since the neighbour had been killed by a group of several men with a M113.

Now, however, when his tools arrived, he could finally demolish the tank sitting in the driveway, at last. He had tried earlier of course, but soon realised his mistake when the coaxial cannon twirled around at speeds quick enough to cause the tank to gain lift, and began firing at random.

Jim was lucky he didn't have his head taken off after that incident. He was sure that his new tools which quickly fix any problems, and the tank would disappear in a few minutes.

There was a rumbling noise, and Jim looked up. It seemed like the truck was arriving, but very slowly. Jim decided he could wait no longer and grabbed his AK-47 and began firing at the truck, until it exploded. He ran towards the burning truck with his dog and a small bird and quickly threw them inside when he reached it. The dog seemed to resist for a few seconds, but finally ran inside and Jim could hear the animals working together and making signals in their search for the tools.

There was a shriek, and the dog flew out of the truck carrying the tools and the bird. Jim quickly picked them up and ran back to the house before he was killed by the fire. Jim put both the bird and the dog inside a cage and threw some rabbits at them to eat. Then he got out his tools and began hammering at the tank.

But all of a sudden, the tank's main cannon blasted Jim away, and the tank drove away of its own accord. Jim watched the tank as it plowed through a dozen houses, making sure to run as many people over as possible, and fired it's coaxial at hundreds of cars, killing thousands in seconds.

Then there was a wailing sound and Jim could see 500 SWAT vans approaching. The SWAT vans smashed into the tank hard, exploding instantly, and Jim could see the tank become more and more damaged as each van exploded.

However, Jim knew it was no good as there was a helicopter sound from the tank, and the tank's turret began to spin extremely fast, turning all the exploded vans into a fine metal liquid wash, and the tank began to slowly rise up into the sky.

Jim could see that the tank had a special skin on it, a type of highly processed human skin which was melted and diluted with molten gold and rare gems, and was extremely tough and elastic, capable of withstanding extreme pressure form any direction.

Jim watched the tank as it rose slowly up, the SWAT vans still exploding even though they were not close enough to deal damage, and the tank's main cannon tilted forwards, causing the tank to fly off into the sky and vanish from sight.

Only 10 SWAT vans had survived, and the crew were stumbling around the site, looking confused. Suddenly, they saw Jim standing there, and immediately opened fire upon him, just incase he was remotely controlling the tank. Jim ducked inside his house and pulled out a live rabbit from the bird cage and threw it at the SWAT team.

The SWAT team looked at the rabbit and shot it dead, and then Jim ran out and told the SWAT team that the rabbit was actually remotely controlling the tank, and now that it was dead, the tank would probably just fall out of the sky somewhere. The SWAT team agreed with him, and turned to leave, although since their vans are all destroyed or too badly damaged, they execute a dozen nearby civilians and take their vehicles and drive away.

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Re: The Parlor of Saint Peter's Cursed Horseman! (Original Fiction, AU + NSFW)

Postby U.P. Cinnabar » 2016-08-25 11:13am

The worst story, the worst acid trip, and the worst psychotic break I have ever seen.

Broomstick's parrots, FTW.
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Re: The Parlor of Saint Peter's Cursed Horseman! (Original Fiction, AU + NSFW)

Postby Archinist » 2016-09-03 01:32pm

Somewhere in Space, Unknown

It was time, the asteroid was teeming with living dinosaurs and was ready to invade the US military! On the surface, everything was not all as it seemed. Even though there was actually only one official president of the US military, in reality there was actually thousands upon thousands of cloned presidents in a massive cloning facility underground! Not just the modern day president, either. Thousands of different presidents, even kings and emperors from hundreds of different empires ranged down below!

Daniel was in his office, listening to the presidents wandering around the ceiling hallways, bashing their heads on the concrete and wooden walls and the local security teams firing their pistols at them. It had all gone wrong! A man accidentally injected all the presidents with a virus, and now they were all insane. Daniel watched through the security camera as a security team ran out of bullets and were slaughtered by the presidents, and the survivors quickly killed themselves with the knives as the presidents closed in.

It was under control, though, the military US was going to be arrived soon, and Daniel could already see the US military people smashing their pickaxes and hands on the bunkers doors in an effort to get inside. A UH-1 Huey circled above, shooting through their HMG mounted on the machine. "Shit, I must leave the room before it is destroyed!", yelled DANIEL as he LEAPED from the chair and flew down the corridor, slicing dozens of presidents in two.

But then a zombie staggered around and bitted the DANIEL and he died, with giant green funguses bursting from his intestines, turning into terrible tentacles which quickly overtook the presidents and spread throughout the facility, and killing everyone in mere microseconds!

Somewhere in the city, New York City, Eastern Chinese Sea

"MIKE! You need to see the TV, there are aliens that are coming from the ocean now!?", yelled Mike's wife as she ran up and down the stairs in terror. "Shit, the aliens are invading I need my shotgun right now!", said Mike as he ran upstairs to get his shotgun, falling down and breaking his finger several times.

"NO! NO! MIKE!", yelled the wife again as she threw a knife a an approaching green tentacle. The tentacle yelled in agony and squirmed around a bit before melting into the air. More green and purple tentacles raced from the skies, eager to devour the unlucky residents. Below, on the street of the road, a a SWAT team was reminding everyone that they were safe. A dozen policemen stood at their posts, smiling and nodding their heads violently.

There was a sick wet snapping sound and one of the policemen's head's snapped all the way backwards, and a split line appeared on his throat as the civilians watched as his head was slowly but surely ripped away from his body and fell onto the ground.

A wet plopping noise was heard and enormous amounts of blood was pumping from the policeman's body, so the EMTs ran over and put a cloth on his throat to stop the bleeding, but it didn't work and the EMTs drowned in the blood and died.

Finally, the bleeding stopped and the civilians lost interest and walked away, but then a giant purple tentacle appeared, with great green and yellow bosoms coming out of it's chest, and gooey white fluids spraying out of thousands of holes at many kilometers an hour. The SWAT team quickly leaped onto the tentacle and wrestled it to the ground, biting a the thick flesh! The tentacle gasped quietly as the fluids turned red then black then suddenly green and the SWAT team's skin and flesh melted off their bones and they turned to ash and went down the street's sewers. The watching civilians panicked, realising that the SWAT team was dead, and they quickly ran away, many committing suicide with knives and firecrackers.

"Police! Police! There are raiders and bandits coming out of the sewers!", yelled a thin orange man with strange rat-like hairs coming out of his eyes, and he was right! The coppers quickly ran over to the sewers and fell inside, many complaining that they couldn't grab onto the water railings, and some were instantly decapitated, while others had only a mild ache in their feet.

The raider, consisting of a single man-sized rat with glowing purple hair, elephant-like hands and feet, and a horse's head, crawled swiftly and oozily like a worm down a small metal and wooden pipe. The POLICEMEN quickly turned and crawled after him, coughing up thick balls of rusted metal balls and strange triangles.

"STOP! WE ARE THE POLICEMEN!", yelled the copper but gasped as he realised his hands had turned into raw chunks of beef steaks, and the other coppers gathered round him, licking and lapping at his hands, eager to taste the RAW MEAT.

"No! No! Aeeeahhhhhh!", squirreled a Policemen as he ripped and tore at the strange stringy meat from the copper's hands! The copper's heads were bleeding horribly now, with weird black strings emitting from his hands and feet, and he could hear the elephant raider in the background, giggling and laughing!

Suddenly, the elephant-raider appeared, and his elephant-arms stretched very widely and closed in around the copper's mouth! He could not breath, and he could feel the arm going all the way down his throat, and finally into his proper body. The elephant man toppled onto the poor copper, and strange spices leaked out of his nose, as the copper's body turned into a giant slab of assorted meats and vegetables, but with horrifying rats and mice chirping and running everywhere!

The other policemen shoved their heads into the alien salad, salivating everywhere, rending apart both apples and live rats with their own white teeth, sucking the rat's tails through their nostrils, enjoying the exciting rush of energy they provided. The salad itself squirmed and moaned as the salad leaves themselves curled up and over and folded up and down as if they were living creatures!

Mike was on the action scene now, but the raider was upon him! He fired his shotgun several times, not noticing the elephant-like trunks oozing out of his shotgun barrel like clay from mother's breasts. The trunks whined and multicolored lights burned through skull as the trunks plunged themselves into his body, causing it to stretch and bend and TWIST, almost as if it was not supposed to be!

A burn of fire and relaxing shot through him, and from the ceiling fell through the rubble! A tentacle went through his right nostril, and Mikee felt a twitching, curdling feeling as liquid tentacles, made up of flashing rat's tails covered with the eyes of elephants squealed loudly and the eyes penetrated his body, melting his skin right off his body, Watching as the bones themselves hurled themselves into his mouth! This was great evolve! How it all began??

A human head floated above mike, coated in thick white fluids and strange yellow and pink gelatinous masses, covered in horrifying eyes and skinned flesh of men, rammed itself at mike's face, crushing mike's face inwards, revealing a weird mirror like surface, with uncountable numbers of detached floating rat's tails filled with vibrating maggots and intestines covered in flattened rabbit's heads with mortifying tentacle-like materials wibbled and wobbled inside him and was ended!

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Re: The Parlor of Saint Peter's Cursed Horseman! (Original Fiction, AU + NSFW)

Postby Archinist » 2016-09-10 04:55pm

Ray, a man working as a cleaner, was doing his job a good. The scrubbing action was slowly but surely removing the mold on the walls. Ray decided he could use a little extra dakka. The manager was away, so who would find out? Ray grabbed a bucket of bleach, a dozen bottles of ammonia, and a phone from the top bench.

Ray giggled to himself as he worked how things would go. He picked up the phone and dialled a number, then spoke in a realistic panicky tone to the other side. Eventually, he put the phone down and giggled again. There was a wailing noise from the other side of the city already.

Ray picked up the buckets of bleach and tossed it all over the place, dumping it all over the room and into the service hallway, billowing dust flying everywhere. He had already set up some cameras around the room, which were streaming live 1080p/60 footage to his phone. He grabbed a string of rope and roped the bottles of ammonia above the bleach dust and tied it to a electronic switch.

When Ray activated the electronic wireless switch, the ammonia bottles would release their payload. Now, all Ray had to do was get outside. He leaped out of the window and ran behind a dumpster. This was going to be so much fun, he thought to himself.

Soon enough, 3 SWAT vans pulled up outside the apartment. The officers were walking around in a great panic. The SWAT captain walked up to the doorstep and signalled for the rest of the men to go inside.

Ray could see the SWAT team already on the camera and pressed the button. The ammonia fell onto the bleach on the floor, sizzling and creating small plumes of smoke. The effect was instant, all of the SWAT members began to cough and choke on the toxic gases going through the house. Ray jumped up and locked his apartment door. There was no way they were getting out alive, Ray laughed and chuckled.

Ray picked up a can on the floor, filled with petrol. He threw it inside, coating 3 SWAT members with petrol and set it on fire. Ray could hear the SWAT men screaming in agony as the petrol burned right through their useless armors, turning their flesh into a blackened, bubbling mess. Looking at his cameras, Ray felt an exciting feeling as the SWAT members bumbled around, their faces twisted with pure agony. One even discharged his rifle several times before falling down and wriggling around.

"Shit!", thought Ray. His manager was going to arrive any second now. He'd better start cleaning up the mess soon, or he would be pretty pissed. He grabbed a mop and charged into the room. The surviving SWAT officers were choking and gasping with blood smeared around their mouths for some reason. Ray grabbed a knife and stabbed the officers several times, splattering blood everywhere.

"Damn it, I need some cleaning done now.", said Ray in anger.

Jones, the manager was indeed furious when he saw what Ray had done. He grabbed his shotgun and blasted Ray clean in his head, leaving nothing but shattered bone and a red gelatinous mass from his neck. There was now a splattered red something trailing down from the wall, along with a massive chunk taken out at the top, but Jones did not care. The dead SWAT officers everywhere already looked quite interesting, he thought.

There were at least 30 SWAT officers downed here, thought Jones, licking his lips. A wailing sound was being emitted from somewhere else in the city, indicating more were soon going to be added to that list.

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Re: The Parlor of Saint Peter's Cursed Horseman! (Original Fiction, AU + NSFW)

Postby Archinist » 2016-10-19 07:23am

Isle of Man, Southern Cairo, Unknown Farming Village


The ground soiled as 300 cows flew past it in solid formation, grinding up millions of lilies with the accuracy of a feather. The fishing man, named S303, was building a large quarry used for transporting snow clouds to the river, which were then refined into pure coal and delivered to The President.

S303 looked at the sky and wished for a simple life, one where the trees would groan as they rocked backwards and forwards in their life and the birds were dead on the stone. He was dressed in a strange costume that consisted of a rubbery cloth and a colored metal shield.

There was a noise and S303's friend, Connar Dakleed exploded around the corner and appeared behind him. S303 twirled around, knocking over a pee pot and gnawing on a dog bone accidentally. He became upset and picked up the flower pot and placed it back onto the kitchen stove, searing his hand and killing the Connar's bride who was standing next to him accidentally.

S303 apologized and climbed up a ladder where the haystack was filled with needles. He laughed and leaped onto the stack, ripping entire bay needles out inside it and suddenly devoured the sheets. "Umtshootles!", said Connar as he suddenly didloadoo!

"Connar, is there a plane I can borrow for your comfort? I'm kinda a bit cold here, don't you know.", said S303 in a yelling yet clam voice.

"S303, you know better than to ask for planes. Your sister will arrive and give you many planes, they are simply waves in the ocean compared to anything more than a bleak, gray sky. Why did you even ask such an obvious Question, Mr. S303? You have been annamin for over 2 years, although I can't remeber the exact date.", said Connar in a frustrated tone.

"Oh, I'm sorry thr cows haven't arrived yet, He looked suddenly staring out of the window. I think there are zombleis coming and we need to stay in the doors, else they will turn into goats?", said S303, walking into the air and floating.

"Anyway, you're not a annamin, you're only a moodim. You floody bool. Did you knot no that stealing a annmin's rank is a treasured crime against the Sermium? I bet you didn't... know that. I was an moodim once, I knew everything, but now I am a sooper dooper moodim.", said Connar, going through the walls.

A roaring sound commenced and a great thing, the stuff of literally nothing but legends! It flew over the house, causing the cows and brids to slam into all of the walls, but the moodim and annamin simply walked through them.

"Welp, looks like the planes is here. Looks Like I'm needing to get off here, said the Moodim."" Aty

"Aye, sir. The moodims are leaving now, make sure none of them get through.", said him.

Connar riveted a single nail into the bed now, making sure the moodim did not get attacked. Code 4Q-3 is enabled, he won't even get that one! Hahaha!", said Connar, typing up a brilliant thing.

"Get the what thing? I told you don't do that, you will get a flying banner until you are totally goned next time. Next time the banner will not fly, instead it will be nailed to the wall and stay there forever. Surely you do not want a permanent banner, no?", said S303 directed at a strange thing.

"It is just no nevermind. See now, you would not have a clue singly handedly. What if it was like legit brodude all along? Duebro you never know, stuffing happens all dee time!", said Connar.

Connar picked up a flare and lit her up, holding it in the sky. S303 could see it and it was annoying. S303 reached for the flying banner... He did not get it, he thought the Connar was trying to blind him with brightness, it was not so, not at all! The code! The code!

Damn, he reached for the flying banner again. It was so cold, now, that wasn't it. S303 was annoyed now, so he whacked the flying banner on Connar once and then twice. Then he got a pink slip and nailed it to his coat and put some strange stars on it.

"Everything is fine nao, it's not like you cannot do anyway, there is nothing else for you. Nothing will do the flare, mate, don't even bother", said S303 and a strange snake comes out of the darkness with something dripping from it.

It was fine anyway and soon the sun was blossoming and blooming and there was little white and pearly fairies in the sky, but they were odd looking and some seemed dead and evil. This was odd, for the Boughing monster was not in the sky yet, It couldn't be!

The Boughing, otherwise known as 'Senven Ate Senven' watched the skies and jumped into the air with a tumbling noise, which rolled over the seas and made them vibrate closely, except that wasn't how it worked, NO Nop.

Ralin
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Posts: 2162
Joined: 2008-08-28 04:23am

Re: The Parlor of Saint Peter's Cursed Horseman! (Original Fiction, AU + NSFW)

Postby Ralin » 2016-10-20 08:59am

t Archinist

MORE OF THIS SHIT PLEASE!

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U.P. Cinnabar
Jedi Council Member
Posts: 1815
Joined: 2016-02-05 08:11pm
Location: Aboard the RCS Princess Cecile

Re: The Parlor of Saint Peter's Cursed Horseman! (Original Fiction, AU + NSFW)

Postby U.P. Cinnabar » 2016-10-20 03:00pm

"When you send a man out with a gun, you create a policymaker. When his ass is on the line, he will do whatever he needs to do.

And, if the implications of that bother you, the time to do something about it is before you send him out."
—David Drake


"Oh, but you did! You turn on any of my crew, you turn on me! But, since that's a concept you can't seem to wrap your head around, then, you've got no place here. You did it to me, Jayne, and that's a fact."

—Malcolm Reynolds, captain of the Firefly-class hauler Serenity,in a nutshell


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