The Game of Life

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Imperial Overlord
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The Game of Life

Postby Imperial Overlord » 2016-07-07 12:36am

Jim moved some down around until he had a nice mass to sit his down upon. His haunches sank down into the bedding, but not so far he couldn't reach the table. "Make yourself comfortable Jim," said Tony.

Jim didn't need to be told twice. He reached out into the pile of cheetohs and grabbed one. He began to nibble while Tony poured him a thimble sized mug of Mountain Dew. "Thanks Tony," Jim said. "Hey Dave!"

"Hey yourself," said the big grey rat as he emerged into the nest. He twitched his whiskers. "Nice spread Tony."

The sleek brown rat gave a half shrug. "Got lucky today. Urban scavenging bonus for the win."

"Grinding food got way easy since the Urbanization Patch went through," said Jim. "Even a noob can do it no problem. No disrespect intended."

"None taken," said Tony, waving a paw. "Food grinding isn't where the game is at anymore. Not even the most shitlord noobs fail hard enough to starve anymore, except in winter and even then it ain't that hard to grind enough food."

Dave settled down next to Jim and Tony poured him a thimble mug of Dew. "Thanks Tony."

"You're welcome Dave. Besides, you earn it in your own way. Keeping down the mice and defending the stash."

"Mice raiders ain't nothing," said Dave. "Fuckers are piss weak and dumb. You gotta go out there and come back with shit without getting hit by gankers. And you're not a Gutter Runner like Jim."

"Cats are so fucking O.P," said Jim. "Seriously, what the fuck were the devs thinking?"

"The bell nerf helps," said Tony. Jim just stared at him. "Well it does. A little."

"That's the damn problem," said Jim. "It only breaks stealth when the cat moves and when the cat is pouncing it's a little too fucking late. LOL dongs. And collar slipping is accessible on pretty much every cat skill tree. Those fuckers see in the dark, get stealth, super speed, monster dps, and more hit points than a Rat Ogre build. Such bullshit."

"Terriers are worse," said Dave in between mouthfuls of cheetohs. "And Rat Ogres is a dumb build. You're almost terrier sized so you can't Tunnel Hide."

"Dave," said Jim, "you're only saying that because you rolled Stormvermin and you're elite enough to take a kitten. You don't fight terriers. Sure they're small, but their tank tree is fucking ungodly and they all can dip into it. Plus because they're a working breed they barely got hit by the Purebreed nerf. Dumb asses think because they aren't that big and don't have cat speed and can only bite that they can get a posse together and take one, but that's just not going to work. Dogs and cats are imba and you just gotta accept it. Stormvermin are good at PvP and PvE mobs, but no one is good at fighting elites."

"Not just cats and dogs," said Tony. "Fucking owls. Huge detection range, stealth, flight, and enough alpha to end a rodent. Bang. Instant death. Practically teleport on top of you."

"Birds in general," said Dave. "Hawks ain't no joke either. Teleport dead."

"Look," said Jim, "you just got to accept that we got boned. Cats and dogs just come up to the devs and ask for pets whenever the subjects of nerfs come up and come out smelling like roses. Remember toxoplasmosis? It was supposed to crater cat ownership rates, making them rare? How did that turn out? Yeah, that's right. Huge numbers of humans are infected anyway, most never know it, and it fucks us ten ways to Sunday. So cat ownership doesn't move an inch and we get nerfed. Fuckers.

"And what do we get? Ability to use small holes, food buffs, and the fastest respawn rate in the game. Woop di fucking do. And the minor bonuses? Oh yeah, cool whiskers. Except cats get them too along with nightvision gun sights. I feel so fucking empowered."

"And then there's foxes," said Dave in between a mouthful of cheetohs."

"Bad hybrid race," said Jim. "Well, not bad but not great for rating. Still kicks our ass though."

"What else is there?" asked Tony. "Since, you know, we're talking about our predators."

"Snake," said Dave.

"Snake can do tunnels, big deal," said Jim. "Snake is slow. Just gotta run. Really, cats and birds are the worst."

A lean, furry form appeared behind Dave. "Hi Guys! How ya doing?! Nice nest you have here!"

"AHHH! FERRET!!"
The Excellent Prismatic Spray. For when you absolutely, positively must kill a motherfucker. Accept no substitutions. Contact a magician of the later Aeons for details. Some conditions may apply.

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Grimnosh
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Re: The Game of Life

Postby Grimnosh » 2016-07-09 09:33am

This is different, but amusing enough.

More please.
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SCRawl
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Re: The Game of Life

Postby SCRawl » 2016-07-28 05:03pm

It's a fun read. Kudos.

But finish the Nalifan thing too. If you know what's good for you.
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Imperial Overlord
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Re: The Game of Life

Postby Imperial Overlord » 2016-07-29 03:19am

SCRawl wrote:It's a fun read. Kudos.

But finish the Nalifan thing too. If you know what's good for you.


I'll see what I can do about that.
The Excellent Prismatic Spray. For when you absolutely, positively must kill a motherfucker. Accept no substitutions. Contact a magician of the later Aeons for details. Some conditions may apply.

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Grimnosh
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Re: The Game of Life

Postby Grimnosh » 2016-07-29 01:03pm

Imperial Overlord wrote:
SCRawl wrote:It's a fun read. Kudos.

But finish the Nalifan thing too. If you know what's good for you.


I'll see what I can do about that.


Please do, I like Nalifan as well and would like to see how he takes out the Kadhuli, their king and the Carnivora.
You know, its remarkably easy to feed an undead army if all you have are just enemies....

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Esquire
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Re: The Game of Life

Postby Esquire » 2016-08-04 03:27am

Hear, hear.
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