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Re: The Thirteenth Tribe (nBSG/SG Crossover)

Posted: 2018-02-10 07:06pm
by fnord
More things that apparently got overlooked, in no particular order:
Over Terra the two dozen Ha’taks had come face to face with the entire Combined Fleet, backed up by the new and ....
Next paragraph:
The battle over Terra had been a lot closer, for here the Tau’ri had only four ships, the recently refitted ...
Shouldn't that second planet, from context, be Earth, not Terra?
Now though it could not be hidden, because this battle had seen a mostly-intact Ha’tak crash-land in the Chesapeake Bay after conducting a brief bombardment of several European cities, before a drone salvo had disabled it and forced it out of orbit. Prague, Stuttgart, Calais and Bristol had all taken hits, luckily they were not the full-power planetary bombardment shots but the damage was done and impossible to conceal. The fact that the Ha’tak had caused a small tidal wave when it hit the water caused considerable damage along the American coast, and the hulk of the crashed ship was visible from a long way inland. The secret was well and truly out.
Would have well and truly blown the lid off. Suggested comma bolded.
The Middle East had exploded into violence: whether this was based on religious fanaticism over the existence of aliens, or a nationalistic realisation that without a global oil dependency they had no say in global affairs any more, no-one was sure.
Comma, comma, comma, banana.
The cruisers Franklin North and George Shtarker, along with four destroyers, took up positions hovering over the region, five thousand metres above the ground, their shields raised and their point-defence batteries shooting down any plane, missile or rocket that flew within range, while turbolaser batteries conducted pinpoint strikes to eliminate the logistics tails of the marauding armies. It had proven effective, but there had been consequences.
Frankie, non stop, show 'em how it's done, let's rock. That said, that first sentence does run on a fair bit, and I nearly got lost before getting to the bottom of it. Maybe something like:
Some wombat wrote: ... took up positions hovering over the region. With shields raised, their point defence batteries shot down any plane, missile or rocket that flew within range. Pinpoint turbolaser strikes annihilated the marauding armies' logistics tails...
This was where Bazelgette had really excelled himself. He had devised what could best be referred to as a jump-gate, a form of external FTL drive that could jump Battlestars between any two such gates. It was, in effect, a Stargate for ships. The power requirements were immense ...
Functional analogue of an Ori supergate?
The Asgard had done so much for them, they would honour their friend’s last request.
Plural possessive? Their friends' last request, instead of the above?
At least the constant patrols and minor skirmishes had been highly effective and seasoning his largely green crews.
Shouldn't that be "highly effective AT seasoning..." ?

Re: The Thirteenth Tribe (nBSG/SG Crossover)

Posted: 2018-02-10 07:08pm
by LadyTevar
I don't like the 40K idea. Magog isn't that bad, they're more balanced to the genre. Now the question is -- What Do the Furlings Look Like? Don't make them human, we already have the Ancients and the Nox for human(ish). Go in another direction there.

Re: The Thirteenth Tribe (nBSG/SG Crossover)

Posted: 2018-02-10 07:17pm
by Eternal_Freedom
I agree with you on the 40K side of things on reflection - as fun as it would be, I need a way to include the Furlings as well, and there just ain't a suitable race in 40K I could conceivably shanghai into being "good guys."

The Magog are looking more and more likely, but I'm still open to suggestions. I need a while to plan out the sequel before I start writing it.

As for the Furlings, well if I do go with the Magog they'll look like the Vedrans, who IIRC were humanoids but had blue skin. But honestly I'd prefer to go a totally different direction and have them look completely alien, not even humanoid or bipedal.

Incidentally, I'd like a moment to revel in accomplishment here. Not only is this my longest-ever work, topping out at 130K words...it's also the first major fiction-writing project I've ever actually finished.

Re: The Thirteenth Tribe (nBSG/SG Crossover)

Posted: 2018-02-10 07:59pm
by LadyTevar
You're mistaken. I just checked, and I was wrong as well, the Vedrans aren't just more Humanoids, they're Centaurs. Quadrupeds. See This Wiki. They'd work well as Furlings, imho.

You also have two choices for the "Ascended" that come from the Vedrans -- The Paradines and the Celestial Avatars. Both have their own goals, their own rules of behavior, and both are far more likely to interfere with major historical events than the Ancients or Ori. More conflict on a cosmic scale?

Re: The Thirteenth Tribe (nBSG/SG Crossover)

Posted: 2018-02-10 08:07pm
by Eternal_Freedom
Funnily enough quadrupeds was what I was thinking, though less centaur-like than that I think. As for Paradines/Avatars, oh hell no, that plotline was so totally "what the hell?" it wasn't even funny. The Furlings won't have Ascended. If I do use the Vedrans and Magog, it'll be in my own inimitable style (taking bits I like from earlier stories, ditching other things passed a certain point).

Re: The Thirteenth Tribe (nBSG/SG Crossover)

Posted: 2018-02-10 11:32pm
by Dass.Kapital
What? No Bretai or Zentradi love?

Who wouldn't want to see giant, waifu, gene created, vat grown super-DUPER solders in combat?

Uhmmm....

I'll see myself out.

:P

Re: The Thirteenth Tribe (nBSG/SG Crossover)

Posted: 2018-02-11 04:48am
by B5B7
I like the solution you created for the Asgard better than the canon version where they basically just let themselves die.
Now, in regard to matters in Pegasus, they can let the decades pass while the Genii build up to become a military threat, or they can conduct an infiltration campaign designed to destroy the Genii command structure from within, taking it over.
You have an interesting idea with the Furling and their super sensor beacon, waiting for that which could attract the Great Enemy (TM!), whoever or whatever that may be.

Re: The Thirteenth Tribe (nBSG/SG Crossover)

Posted: 2018-02-11 10:28am
by Eternal_Freedom
I should confess that the "Asgard seal themselves away" idea isn't mine - it's based on ideas in two other fanfics, the aforementioned CHange of Fate/Ori War pair and "Reunion ares a Bitch," a different SG/BSG crossover.

Now that I tihnk about it, the covenant would probably make an interesting "Great Enemy" to fight, though again I'm not sure where the Furlings would come in.

Re: The Thirteenth Tribe (nBSG/SG Crossover)

Posted: 2018-02-11 05:11pm
by LadyTevar
Eternal_Freedom wrote: 2018-02-10 08:07pm Funnily enough quadrupeds was what I was thinking, though less centaur-like than that I think. As for Paradines/Avatars, oh hell no, that plotline was so totally "what the hell?" it wasn't even funny. The Furlings won't have Ascended. If I do use the Vedrans and Magog, it'll be in my own inimitable style (taking bits I like from earlier stories, ditching other things passed a certain point).
well, I was also incorrect about the Celestial Avatars being Ascended Vedrans. They're something else.

Re: The Thirteenth Tribe (nBSG/SG Crossover)

Posted: 2018-02-11 06:01pm
by Eternal_Freedom
Eh, as far as Andromeda I tend to imagine everything after just before the end of season 2 didn't happen.

Re: The Thirteenth Tribe (nBSG/SG Crossover)

Posted: 2018-02-11 06:19pm
by U.P. Cinnabar
You mean everything before the season two finale. Before the dark times. Before Kevin Sorbo hijacked the show.

(and while Trance was still a purple monkey girl)

Re: The Thirteenth Tribe (nBSG/SG Crossover)

Posted: 2018-02-11 06:23pm
by U.P. Cinnabar
Eternal_Freedom wrote: 2018-02-11 10:28am I should confess that the "Asgard seal themselves away" idea isn't mine - it's based on ideas in two other fanfics, the aforementioned CHange of Fate/Ori War pair and "Reunion ares a Bitch," a different SG/BSG crossover.

Now that I tihnk about it, the covenant would probably make an interesting "Great Enemy" to fight, though again I'm not sure where the Furlings would come in.
Forerunners who hid themselves away before the last infestation of Flood.

You could even have the Covies as taken over by the Flood. Or Forerunners plus Copies plus Flood.

Or, Cortana pulling all their strings, once she goes full power mad at the end of Halo 5.

Re: The Thirteenth Tribe (nBSG/SG Crossover)

Posted: 2018-02-11 06:31pm
by U.P. Cinnabar
Or... if you go back to 40K, you could fight the Eldar... and race against the clock to keep them from muderfucking Slaneesh into being, amongst other disasters.

With the Furlongs being those Old Ones not eaten by the Necrontyrs and the other three Ruinous Powers.

Re: The Thirteenth Tribe (nBSG/SG Crossover)

Posted: 2018-02-12 12:00pm
by Eternal_Freedom
Eh, I'm moving away from the 40K idea tbh. My story is basically set in a rational universe, having actual demons appear would stretch things too much. And almsot all of my 40K knowledge is of the tabletop game and lore, so I have no idea how the ships would stack up against Battlestars.

Looking like either Magog or Covenant.

Re: The Thirteenth Tribe (nBSG/SG Crossover)

Posted: 2018-02-12 03:58pm
by U.P. Cinnabar
How about Magog and Nietszchians? In particular, the Drago-Jerkoffs who were doing the Spirit of the Abyss' bidding toward the end.

Never mind, you already said everything from the last three seasons was right out.

Though a trillion Magog, the World Ship, PSP weapons, and the Spirit himself is still going to give the Allies a run for their money. Especially since the Tau'ri and the Kobolians won't have any nova bombs...

Another possibility for the Furlongs are a lost colony of Perseids. Percies were one of the Systems Commonwealth's leading races, were almost as advanced as the Vedrans, and a whole lot crazier.

Re: The Thirteenth Tribe (nBSG/SG Crossover)

Posted: 2018-02-12 04:15pm
by Eternal_Freedom
Nova bombs won't be relevant, they didn't work on the worldship anyway.

Re: The Thirteenth Tribe (nBSG/SG Crossover)

Posted: 2018-02-12 11:42pm
by U.P. Cinnabar
Yeah, that's right. I thought they slowed it up,, but Andromeda Ascendant's entire arsenal didn't even do that, upon further re-watching.

Re: The Thirteenth Tribe (nBSG/SG Crossover)

Posted: 2018-02-13 12:09pm
by Eternal_Freedom
It did slow it down, but the nova didn't actually cause any major damage. As for Rommie's entire aresenal doing squat, they were firing on a ship made from planets. Rommie's weaponry is impressive but not planet-busting-in-one-salvo impressive.

Re: The Thirteenth Tribe (nBSG/SG Crossover)

Posted: 2018-02-27 09:37am
by InsaneTD
Read this today and must say I'm kicking myself for not reading this earlier. This is such a good story and you write the battles and ship deaths so well. I almost cried when Galactica died and it's not one of my major fandoms.

Also, you asked if anyone recognised one character reference before and I don't think anyone answered it. Wouldn't happen to be the daughter of a marine sergeant who would have been your daddy, but the dog beat him over the fence would it? If memory serves of the canon she is the commander of her own frigate in the sequels.

Re: The Thirteenth Tribe (nBSG/SG Crossover)

Posted: 2018-02-27 03:50pm
by Eternal_Freedom
Glad you enjoyed it :D

As for the character references, the only one I can recall that's still outstanding was Lt. Cmdr. Alicia Johnson, callsign "Chaser," if that's the one you're guessing, you're waaaaay off :D

As a general update, I'm still wrestling with ideas for a sequel, but it occurred to me that I could do a whole "Interlude" story showing in more detail some of the things that happened during the two-year timeskip in the Epilogue. Stuff like the Battle of Earth, the effects that disclosing the Stargate had, the sealing away of the Asgard and the rise of the Lucian Alliance and Origin.

Re: The Thirteenth Tribe (nBSG/SG Crossover)

Posted: 2018-02-27 04:52pm
by Crazedwraith
Well that just sounds like a mix and match of Harry Potter Quidditch players.

Re: The Thirteenth Tribe (nBSG/SG Crossover)

Posted: 2018-02-27 05:56pm
by Eternal_Freedom
Ding ding ding we have a winner!

Re: The Thirteenth Tribe (nBSG/SG Crossover)

Posted: 2018-02-27 09:27pm
by fnord
Now I'm damned curious to see the ... umm... is it an interquel if it gets written before your originally-planned sequel?

Re: The Thirteenth Tribe (nBSG/SG Crossover)

Posted: 2018-02-28 12:32pm
by Eternal_Freedom
Eh, I dunno what i'd call it. It'd be a "filling in the gaps" kinda thing, covering events in the timeskip without any long-term plot threads, just exploring the universe I've made and elaborating on side issues. Kinda like the Star Wars stand-alone films like Rogue One I suppose.

Re: The Thirteenth Tribe (nBSG/SG Crossover)

Posted: 2018-03-20 04:38pm
by Eternal_Freedom
Hello everyone.

I am pleased to say that I will soon begin plotting the as-yet-unnamed sequel in earnest. I won't be giving much away by explaining that I will be using Halo, specifically the Covenant and the Flood, as the antagonists. The Furlings will be the Forerunners, or rather, the Forerunners will be the Furlings, as to make the timelines match up in this setting the Furlings were not native to the SG/BSG universe I've dreamed up, but fled here via the Ark Portal after firing the Halo Array. They set up shop on an unknown world, and then eventually left because their old sensor network detected someone (the Covenant) dicking around with some of their stuff, which is why they left the SG!Verse and went back home.

That'll do as a starting point for now anyway. The real difficulty is when to set this within the timeline of the Halo games. Personally, I'm thinking either just before or just after Sigma Octanus IV, but before the fall of Reach.

In the meantime I'm planning to write up some of those "interludes" to help bridge the gap and fill in the blanks left by the Epilogue.