More things that apparently got overlooked, in no particular order:
Over Terra the two dozen Ha’taks had come face to face with the entire Combined Fleet, backed up by the new and ....
The battle over Terra had been a lot closer, for here the Tau’ri had only four ships, the recently refitted ...
Shouldn't that second planet, from context, be Earth, not Terra?
Now though it could not be hidden, because this battle had seen a mostly-intact Ha’tak crash-land in the Chesapeake Bay after conducting a brief bombardment of several European cities, before a drone salvo had disabled it and forced it out of orbit. Prague, Stuttgart, Calais and Bristol had all taken hits, luckily they were not the full-power planetary bombardment shots but the damage was done and impossible to conceal. The fact that the Ha’tak had caused a small tidal wave when it hit the water caused considerable damage along the American coast, and the hulk of the crashed ship was visible from a long way inland. The secret was well and truly out.
Would have well and truly blown the lid off. Suggested comma bolded.
The Middle East had exploded into violence: whether this was based on religious fanaticism over the existence of aliens, or a nationalistic realisation that without a global oil dependency they had no say in global affairs any more, no-one was sure.
Comma, comma, comma, banana.
The cruisers Franklin North and George Shtarker, along with four destroyers, took up positions hovering over the region, five thousand metres above the ground, their shields raised and their point-defence batteries shooting down any plane, missile or rocket that flew within range, while turbolaser batteries conducted pinpoint strikes to eliminate the logistics tails of the marauding armies. It had proven effective, but there had been consequences.
Frankie, non stop, show 'em how it's done, let's rock. That said, that first sentence does run on a fair bit, and I nearly got lost before getting to the bottom of it. Maybe something like:
Some wombat wrote:
... took up positions hovering over the region. With shields raised, their point defence batteries shot down any plane, missile or rocket that flew within range. Pinpoint turbolaser strikes annihilated the marauding armies' logistics tails...
This was where Bazelgette had really excelled himself. He had devised what could best be referred to as a jump-gate, a form of external FTL drive that could jump Battlestars between any two such gates. It was, in effect, a Stargate for ships. The power requirements were immense ...
Functional analogue of an Ori supergate?
The Asgard had done so much for them, they would honour their friend’s last request.
Plural possessive? Their friends' last request, instead of the above?
At least the constant patrols and minor skirmishes had been highly effective and seasoning his largely green crews.
Shouldn't that be "highly effective AT seasoning..." ?
A mad person thinks there's a gateway to hell in his basement. A mad genius builds one and turns it on. - CaptainChewbacca