[WIP]Superman: Super Patriot. (working title)

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Enigma
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[WIP]Superman: Super Patriot. (working title)

Post by Enigma » 2014-04-04 11:13pm

Superman belongs to DC... blah blah blah.

I've been writing this off and on utilizing various ideas one of them is the premise somewhat based on "The Nail" and the other is Smallville the T.V. series. The chapter is a bit rough as I have done some basic proofreading. The first chapter is basically my version of the Jor-el's and Lara's last moments before the destruction of Krypton. Let me know what you think of it Enjoy!

Superman: Super Patriot (working title)
by: Enigma


Chapter One

Walking softly yet proudly into her husband's laboratory, the tall long haired brunette made her way to where her husband sat and stood behind him.

“Husband, you must relax or I fear you will become like many of these spires. Burned out.” Lara spoke and at the same time looked at the blackened and cracked crystal spires that dotted the lab. They had served as super computers but ceased functioning from over use and from the ground quakes that had been occurring during the past few weeks.

Jor-El sighed, tore himself away from the holo-display and swiveled his chair around. He looked up and saw that Lara held in her right hand a large mug of hot herbal tea and cradled in her left arm was their son, sleeping in a loosely wrapped silk blankets.

Giving his wife a tired smile, Jor-El graciously accepted the tea with both hands and placed it gently by the holo-display before returning his attention to his wife. “Thank you, Lara,” Jor-El spoke softly. “for your concern, but I do not fear of burning myself out for I believe I do not have the time for it to happen.

More accurately, we won't have much time to see me fall apart. The quakes have been getting stronger in these past several weeks and not only are they getting to be more frequent but all of Krypton is affected. I've collected data from throughout Krypton and sent probes throughout the system including Rao itself without the Council's knowledge. I ran the data through the computers thousands of times over and spent the same amount of time creating simulations based on that data.

In the end my dear wife, the quakes are just the beginning but it is the sign that our star, Rao is dying, in its final phases in fact.Once Rao dies, it will take Krypton and us with it.”

If Lara was afraid, she did not show it except to hug their sleeping son a bit tighter. Taking a step forward and with her free hand, Lara caressed her husband's cheek. “Fear not, Jor-El. You will find away to save us all. You have always come through for our people. Zod and his fanatics were stopped by you and sent them through the Phantom Zone. Even Kandor was saved, after a fashion, by your actions in defeating that traitorous AI, expelling it from Krypton. They might be a fraction of their original size but the citizens of Kandor are grateful to be alive and are thankful to you. I have confidence in you, Jor-El. I always have and always will.”

Gently touching her caressing hand, Jor-El looked deep into her eyes and then to his son. A gamut of emotions raged within him but he breathed in deep, suppressing them and gave out a sigh.

“I'm afraid the Council has doomed us all,” Jor-El spoke and gave Lara a smile that betrayed his true emotions. “but no fear,there is some hope. I've begun to design and build a ship that will carry us all and take us away from here. At the moment, I've only built a prototype from a probe. It is fully functional and includes a portal generator, similar to my Gateway Arch. Unfortunately, the probe is too small to generate enough power to operate the generator so it would have to rely on outside energy sources. This is an issue I hope to rectify once our ship is built. Alas, time in not on our side and I must hurry for any day now Krypton will tear itself apart.”

Turning away, Jor-El slammed his fist onto the console, nearly knocking over his tea. Grimacing from the pain, speaking with a harsh tone, “We could have already made our escape through the Gateway Arch and gone anywhere throughout the seven galaxies, if the Arch had not been sabotaged by some -”

Jor-El was cut off by a shrill alarm sounding off throughout the laboratory. Manipulating the holo-display and punching a few commands into his console, he swore from what he saw on-screen. “Dear Rao,we are already damned.”

In a heartbeat, Jor-El jumped up from his chair and quickly took his son before rushing deep inside the manufacturing section of the laboratory.

Now filled with fear, Lara went after her husband, calling out to him, “Jor-El! What is going on? What is happening?” Jor-El did not reply and when Lara finally managed to catch up to him, she found him placing their son gently into the triangular probe.

“What is happening, husband?” Lara asked again with the sound of fear in her voice. Jor-El ran to her, for a moment gripped her forearms and gave her a passionate kiss before replaying, “It is too late.” Letting go, he ran to a nearby control panel. “It has already begun.” Typing furiously, Jor-El continued to speak as he worked frenetically. “Rao has begun to expand. It has already consumed the closest probe to it.”

Several crystal spires began to glow brightly, transmitting energy to the re-purposed probe. The vast amounts of energy flowing through the crystals was more than they could tolerate and one by one began to explode into tiny shards.

The explosion woke the sleeping child, causing him to cry. Lara wanting to calm her son, ran towards the escape pod only to be knocked to the ground from an exploding crystal spire. Seeing his wife lying on the floor, Jor-El quickly inputted the final commands and rushed over to Lara's side. Falling to his knees, he cradled his badly injured wife in his arms. “Oh Lara.” Jor-El moaned softly as he looked at his wife's battered body, completely peppered in crystal shards. Tears began to roll down his cheeks as he gingerly parted the hair from her face. “This isn't how I wanted our final moments to be.”

Suddenly everything began to shake. Minor tremors at first but it was rapidly getting worse. The shaking woke the dying woman and she coughed up blood. Looking into Jor-El's eyes, blood trickled down the sides of her mouth as she smiled, “Our son.... safe?”

Wiping the tears from his eyes, Jor-El returned Lara's smile, “He will be, my sweet Lara.” Without looking away, Jor-El commanded his computer to initiate the launch sequence and to launch once completed. The computer beeped in reply and immediately the escape pod began to close up. Once sealed, cables that were attached to the probe were ejected in a series of hissing pops. Then the pod began to hover in its place with an increasing hum from its power source as it was about to engage its drive engines. The wall facing opposite to the escape pod faded away, creating an opening for which the pod containing Jor-El's and Lara's only child, made its exit.

In a blink of an eye the pod was gone. Jor-El wished he could see the pod go but he could not spare a glimpse away from Lara as he wanted to spend the remaining moments with her, yet he wished his son a safe journey.

The ground quakes began to reach an intensity that threatened all life on the crystalline planet. In the House of El, everything was falling apart. Around Jor-El and Lara, walls crumbled, floors cracked, heaved in some areas, collapsing in others, crystal shards rained upon them as the ceiling began to crumble. Time seemed to briefly stop for Jor-El and Lara. His gaze still had not left her, he whispered, "I love you, Lara Lor-van, more than anything else. I've never regretted spending my life with you."

"And I too love you, my dear sweet husband." Lara replied between ragged breaths. "But fear not, as long as our son live, we too shall live on, even if it will be only as memories in our child's mind."

In their final moment together, Jor-El gave his wife the most passionate kiss that they've ever experienced before their lives ended suddenly when the ceiling collapsed upon them.

End of Chapter One
ASVS('97)/SDN('03)

"Whilst human alchemists refer to the combustion triangle, some of their orcish counterparts see it as more of a hexagon: heat, fuel, air, laughter, screaming, fun." Dawn of the Dragons

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madd0ct0r
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Re: [WIP]Superman: Super Patriot. (working title)

Post by madd0ct0r » 2014-04-05 05:25am

kill all the adverbs
"Aid, trade, green technology and peace." - Hans Rosling.
"Welcome to SDN, where we can't see the forest because walking into trees repeatedly feels good, bro." - Mr Coffee

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MondoMage
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Re: [WIP]Superman: Super Patriot. (working title)

Post by MondoMage » 2014-04-07 12:36pm

I agree. It's an interesting start, and I'm curious to see how this take on the Big Blue BoyScout goes, but there definitely comes a point of being too descriptive.

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Enigma
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Re: [WIP]Superman: Super Patriot. (working title)

Post by Enigma » 2014-04-07 02:42pm

MondoMage wrote:I agree. It's an interesting start, and I'm curious to see how this take on the Big Blue BoyScout goes, but there definitely comes a point of being too descriptive.
Sorry. I haven't got someone else to do my proofreading for me, so I pretty much post after a couple of drafts.
ASVS('97)/SDN('03)

"Whilst human alchemists refer to the combustion triangle, some of their orcish counterparts see it as more of a hexagon: heat, fuel, air, laughter, screaming, fun." Dawn of the Dragons

ASSCRAVATS!

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Re: [WIP]Superman: Super Patriot. (working title)

Post by madd0ct0r » 2014-04-08 04:27am

TBH, on first reading I thought you were satirising overly descriptive fan-fiction :)
Gave the whole piece a slightly manic comic feel, like the guy with staring eyes who pins you down at the bar to tell you about his adventures trying to catch next door's cat.
"Aid, trade, green technology and peace." - Hans Rosling.
"Welcome to SDN, where we can't see the forest because walking into trees repeatedly feels good, bro." - Mr Coffee

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Enigma
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Re: [WIP]Superman: Super Patriot. (working title)

Post by Enigma » 2014-04-08 09:05am

madd0ct0r wrote:TBH, on first reading I thought you were satirising overly descriptive fan-fiction :)
Gave the whole piece a slightly manic comic feel, like the guy with staring eyes who pins you down at the bar to tell you about his adventures trying to catch next door's cat.
Not satirizing, just a spin on Jor-el's and Lara's final moments. But I do tend to be wordy. When I started writing this fanfic, it was before Man of Steel came out so to picture the characters in my mind, I used Smallville and the comics. Next chapter will deal with the escape pod and its crash landing.
ASVS('97)/SDN('03)

"Whilst human alchemists refer to the combustion triangle, some of their orcish counterparts see it as more of a hexagon: heat, fuel, air, laughter, screaming, fun." Dawn of the Dragons

ASSCRAVATS!

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