The Next Frontier (Kerbal Space Program/Something)

[Simon_Jester]

"For a race of peaceful explorers and scientists, you fellas sure play for keeps."

More generally, it does seem logical that you'd send a master sociologist and cultural analyst on an interstellar mission, more so than sending a master receive-radio-signals guy.

Also, you forgot a footnote about 'bootnecks'

[Zaune]

More generally, it does seem logical that you'd send a master sociologist and cultural analyst on an interstellar mission, more so than sending a master receive-radio-signals guy.

It was actually a bit of a last minute throw-in on my part; I'd originally intended that most of the detailed socio-political and cultural analysis would be done back on Kerbin, but I decided I needed at least one character on the scene who could pick holes in the Alliance's official version of events.

Also, you forgot a footnote about 'bootnecks'

Oh, not again!

* A nickname so ancient that nobody on the Fredricksson could tell Kurt where it had come from.

[LadyTevar]

YAY! I'm glad you got the writing bug again

[Zaune]

I'm actually a little scared to post this...

TABJeb knew from experience that he was going to regret this -something about his endocrine system not having all the right enzymes yet according to the xenobiology people back home- but he'd gladly put up with some gastric distress in a few hours if it meant his hands would just stop shaking already. Besides, this drink that the locals called 'Navy Rum' was really rather nice.
TAB"Thought I'd find you here." Jeb looked up, and saw Admiral Liu standing at the hatchway to the wardroom. "Mind if I join you?"
TAB"I don't, although I suspect the medics might."
TAB"Ah, the hell with what they think! I'm beyond economic repair anyway. Pour me one of whatever he's having, son, and leave the bottle."
TAB"Aye sir." The steward poured Liu a double in a balloon glass and made himself scarce.
TAB"So," the Admiral began, picking up his glass and savouring the bouquet, "how you holding up?"
TAB"As well as can be expected, I guess." Jeb stared into his drink. "You're right, by the way. That was the first time I'd ever fired a gun at anything but a paper target, and so help me every deity who might be listening I never want to again."
TAB"You saved a lot of lives today. Mine included."
TAB"You're welcome."
TAB"Doesn't help much, does it?" Admiral Liu raised his glass. "Here's to swimmin' with bow-legged women," he said to himself, and tossed it back in one long swallow.
TAB"That did not translate well. And no, it doesn't. Every time I close my eyes, I keep seeing..." Jeb sighed heavily and poured himself another shot. "I'm sorry. This must seem rather pathetic to a career military man."
TAB"Not at all. Sapient life's the rarest commodity in the gorram universe, near as we can tell. Attacking another thinking, self-aware being with intent to kill, even in defence of your own life or someone else's? That ain't something to take lightly. Sometimes I think we Navy folks have it too easy because we only see the ships through our gun-sights, not the people in 'em. Makes it easier to not think about the people in.. planetary targets, I guess you'd call 'em."
TABJeb thought of satellites loaded with twelve-metre tungsten rods, an idea conceived at the height of the Kerm Grove Crisis but mercifully banned by treaty before it could go beyond a feasibility study. Not that warship railguns were any less deadly in practice, or even an overclocked cargo mass-driver on an asteroid mining tender, but by the time they'd started building those the prospect of war was a lot more distant. "I see what you mean," he agreed. "So, how much mayhem did we cause?"
TAB"Oh, moderate amount. Parliament's about evenly split on awarding Bob a medal and clapping him in irons, and Blue Sun's got one hell of a lot of explaining to do."
TAB"Good. I'm sure the Council of Twelve are feeling much the same about Bob, or they will be once they've read Kurt's report. Heck, I am. I'm going to need at least another three of these before I have that conversation..."
TAB"I'll, uh, come back later then?"
TABJeb spun around in his seat, preparing to give Bob an industrial hairdryer-grade shouting at, then saw the bandanna and burst out laughing instead. "Bob, you crazy son of a bitch, I've gotta hand it to you," he said, once he'd got his breath back. "When you get your action hero on, you go all the way."
TAB"Well, if it's worth doing, it's worth doing right. Now if it's all the same to you gentlemen, I'm feeling a powerful urge to get drunk."
TAB"Reckon that makes three of us," Admiral Liu replied.

TABSo they did.

TABA few weeks later...

TAB"You are completely unsuited to the very concept of a vacation, aren't you?" Inara sighed, but affectionately. "Here we are, staying in a beautiful country house on a huge estate as the guests of a fantastically wealthy couple, and you're yearning to be back onboard a cramped little cargo ship eating protein bars."
TABMal just shrugged. "I'll admit to bein' a mite restless. Not to mention concerned 'bout overstayin' our welcome."
TAB"You worry too much. Now get back into bed before I have to come get you."
TABMal wisely declined to argue. Inara wrapped her entire body around him like he was the world's largest teddy-bear and sighed happily. Mal stroked her hair and smiled, allowing himself to relax a little...

TAB"Cap'n, 'Nara, I think you'd better come see this!"
TABInara said a word unbecoming her previous occupation. "Kaylee, this had better be extremely important!"

TABGabriel and Regan had a ridiculously large television at one end of the ranch house's open-plan ground floor, and everyone currently even approximately awake crowded round it as a reporter excitedly babbled into a microphone in front of the Parliament building.
TAB"... still no official word from the government about what transpired, but- Wait, here they come now."
TABSomeone stepped onto a small podium outside the building. Someone very, very obviously not human. He(?) fiddled with a small computer for a moment, plugged what appeared to be a microphone into it and clipped it to his lapel.
TAB"Citizens of the Union of Allied Planets. My name is Jebediah Kerman, and my colleagues and I have journeyed here from a solar system some eight light-years distant. I know this is a terrible old cliche, but... we come in peace." There was a pause as the alien stared at his computer, then cracked what was probably a smile. "Except for my friend Bob. He came to chew bubblegum and kick ass, and he ran out of gum somewhere in the Oort Cloud. And I have no idea what the hell that means," he muttered in a tone the microphones probably weren't meant to catch. "Can you tell I didn't write this speech myself? Anyhow, before taking questions I would like to give a short statement in order to place an accurate first-hand account of recent events in the public domain before the rumour mill can get going..."

TAB"Well," said Inara, once the network finally cut back to the studio, "that... happened." Her expression and tone of voice suggested that she'd emote properly later when she could spare the mental system resources for it because what was currently happening was just that weird. That was normally more Mal's shtick, but even a trained and experienced Companion's professional veneer of unflappable serenity has its limits.
TAB"Gorram it! I knew we missed some of the kids," River grumbled. "You'd better phone them," she told her father. "Mrs Wei will want to talk to Christopher."
TAB"Yeah. Yeah, I guess so." Gabriel rubbed his eyes. "After coffee. Or something stronger."
TABWordlessly, Simon pointed to the television, which was now showing footage from what appeared to be a Kerbal news channel.
TABGabriel blinked. "Are those Independent flags?"
TAB"Yep."
TAB"Ich bin ein Browncoat," River quoted happily.
TAB"Right. Definitely something stronger. And not a word, dear," Gabriel added, giving his wife a quelling look.
TAB"Actually, I was going to ask you to pour me one."

TABMal just leaned back on the sofa and smiled. Today, he decided, looked like it was going to be a good day.

TABTHE END... of the beginning.

[Eleventh Century Remnant]

Well, you did, and now it is the end of a story. Feels like something going away, doesn't it?

It was fun, and a lot more even in the end than I had expected, although I still can't quite get my head round the idea of Kerbal browncoats...

It's odd, too, to find a universe in which the aliens make more sense than the humans.

Well, good stuff, and hopefully SDN will still be here when you get around to doing the sequel.

[InsaneTD]

A mighty excellent read. Gonna have to re-read it from start to finish when I get done more time. Thank you for sharing the story with us.

[Zaune]

Well, you did, and now it is the end of a story. Feels like something going away, doesn't it?

More than you'd imagine. At the risk of sounding melodramatic, there've been times in the past few months when getting this thing finished is all that's kept me from giving up and falling apart.

Well, good stuff, and hopefully SDN will still be here when you get around to doing the sequel.

Heh. I already started it. How does, "Ich Bin Ein Browncoat" grab you for a title?

[Simon_Jester]

Nice ending- what do you envision having happened to the Serenity gang exactly that netted them what looks like a happy ending after their canonical adventures?

[Zaune]

I've got a rough draft of that story sitting on my hard drive, which I may or may not finish some day. The gist of it is thus: Spoiler

While delivering cargo to a remote asteroid mining outpost, the crew of Serenity run into Simon and River's father. He's very much a changed man, courtesy of their friend the Parliamentary Operative paying a call on him with some video footage of exactly what was done to River, and he's out here because he has a lead on a neuroscientist called David Kaplan who is now working as an asteroid miner after some kind of falling-out with Blue Sun.

They track down Kaplan, and get his story. He did some of the preliminary theoretical work on the Academy project before the Unification War, then got approached by Blue Sun to see if he'd like to start putting his theories into practice. However, Kaplan turned out to possess some actual morals and nope'd the fuck out of there with the intention of going to the cops. They sicced one of their first graduates on him, but he ended up getting the drop on her (even psychic space ninjas are vulnerable to hubris, and tasers) and set about trying to de-program the poor kid while rapidly making himself as untraceable as humanly possible.

Kaplan knows a number of very useful things about the whole operation, starting with where they moved the Academy after Simon's little escapade. Despite Gabriel Tam's loudly expressed reservations about the idea, the crew of Serenity start talking about the biggest heist they've ever carried out.

After the most spectacularly awesome Big Damn Heroes moment in the history of everything, so awesome that my small talent with words is nowhere near adequate to do it justice on the page (which is why the writing process kind of stalled out), a slightly battered Firefly full of deeply-traumatised adolescent supersoldiers makes a rough landing at the Tam family's ridiculously large country estate. A very surprised Regan Tam learns that not only are her children home for the first time in years, but Gabriel -who she was in the process of divorcing- played a large and surprisingly badass role in making it happen. And Simon even brought a young lady home with him!

[Zaune]

Damn it, I've got to post this somewhere. I'll start a proper thread for this once I decide on a title, but in the meantime, here's a preview of Part 2:

TAB"Ah, Malcolm Reynolds! Just the man I was looking for!"
TAB"Well, that's not at all ominous."
TABBadger affected a hurt look. "Oh, come now, Captain. Haven't we worked together often enough to establish a certain measure of trust?"
TABMal raised his eyes heavenwards, but conceded reluctantly that the man sort of had a point. Badger didn't possess much in the way of moral scruples, but he was very attached to his money, his reputation and above all his life. Fixers who snitched on contractors were apt to very quickly lose hold of all three. "So what's the job?"
TAB"Mixed cargo. Big load of terraforming equipment, secondhand computers and college textbooks, among other things."
TAB"Other things being?"
TAB"Well..." Badger demurred.
TAB"C'mon now, Badger. Haven't we worked together often enough to establish a certain measure of trust?" Mal echoed mockingly.
TAB"Hah! Touche, Mal. Truth is I don't know myself; most of it came to me in sealed containers, and the client indicated they'd be a bit peeved if it didn't arrive in the same state. For the fees they were offering I wasn't inclined to argue the toss."
TAB"Speaking of fees..."
TABBadger named a figure that convinced Mal not to argue the toss either. "Half in advance, half on arrival," he added.
TAB"Alright. Where's it headed?"
TAB"Jessenstein Base. Where else?"

* * *

TAB"Mr President, this is Colonel Kurt Kerjel from Air Force Information Warfare Command. He's our military liaison to the KSA's research and development wing and resident human expert."
TABThe President's smile was a little pained. Two years earlier this kid would have been considered a little young to be sporting a Captain's single gold bar on his epaulettes, much less four. The joys of large-scale mobilisation from a virtual standing start. "Colonel."
TAB"Good afternoon, Mr President, Mr Secretary. May I offer you some refreshments, or shall we get straight down to business?"
TABThe President laughed bitterly. "Putting off hearing bad news never helps, Colonel. Let's get to it."
TAB"Very well, sir." Kurt sighed. "Based on the tests that we've been running on hull materials salvaged from the wreck of the IAV Lafayette, the only weapon we have that can reliably mission-kill an Alliance warship is a nuclear warhead."
TAB"Well, shit," the President replied.
TAB"That's about what I said when I got the results, sir."
TAB"Correct me if I'm wrong, Colonel," the Secretary of Defence added, "but didn't Starfarer 1 blow the Lafayette clean in two with one railgun shell?"
TAB"Yes, Mr Secretary, we did," Kurt replied, with the air of a man who's getting very tired of answering this particular question. "After several missiles launched from the Fredricksson had already hit her, on top of extensive and poorly-repaired battle damage suffered when she was captured by the Reavers. If Bill had been firing on a Longbow-class warship in proper repair, a standard railgun shell wouldn't have done much more than mess up the paint. Hyper-velocity kinetic rounds would be more effective, but thanks to armour technology involving shear thickening, non-Newtonian fluids -the technical details of which are far beyond my understanding- it'd take at least two or three hits in the same spot to breach the internal compartments. We also believe the Alliance uses delayed-action warheads in their missiles, but how they get a useful explosive payload to survive a hypervelocity impact is a total mystery.
TAB"That by itself would not be an insurmountable problem, except that Alliance directed-energy weapons technology is decades ahead of ours. From the admittedly limited data we have on their pojnt-defence systems, we'll be doing well if we can ram through one missile in forty."
TAB"So we need nukes, and lots of them." The President winced. "Lemrick, what's our current worldwide production capacity for weapons-grade fissile material?"
TAB"A couple of hundred kilograms a year, sir. We could probably ramp it up to half a ton if we only needed small warheads, but that would mean taking a hit on reactor-grade fissile materials production."
TAB"Fortunately, we do. For what the backroom boys have in mind we'd only need between ten and fifteen kilotons, though that's offset some by the need for a specialist warhead design."
TAB"That'd give us about five to seven hundred warheads annually, Mr President. At least as long as we could keep the necessary uranium ore coming in."
TAB"And tungsten," Kurt added. "Lots and lots of tungsten. Are either of you gentlemen familiar with the theoretical concept of nuclear-pulse propulsion?"
TAB"Propelling a spaceship with the blast-wave of a nuclear detonation, yes," Lemrick replied. "Something we looked into during the Kerm Grove Crisis but gave up on because there was no way to build a pusher-plate in orbit."
TAB"And launching a spacecraft by letting off nukes in our own biosphere as a response to a shortage of good land to plant Kerm seeds was considered a little counter-productive," Kurt agreed. "But before the KSA abandoned the concept as unworkable, they did figure out a method of focusing a higher percentage of the energy from the warhead in a specific direction. A cone-shaped firing chamber is used to focus the release of thermal, gamma and other radiation into a large mass of tungsten pellets, which then basically act like the ball-bearings in a Claymore mine*: That's a gross over-simplification of the physics, but you get the idea. It's only maybe twenty-five to thirty percent efficient, and we estimate it'll have to detonate within a hundred metres of the target to be effective against Alliance armour, but we'd only have to get lucky once."
TAB"Well, that's something," the President allowed. "But it raises questions of escalation. If we deploy nuclear weapons in combat against Alliance warships, are they going to take that as a license to start deploying other weapons of mass destruction?"
TAB"I really can't say for sure, Mr President. I don't think it's likely, but I can't rule it out. A lot would depend on who was calling the shots in Parliament; it's only a few tub-thumping hotheads who are actively looking for an excuse to go hogwild with the orbital bombardment, but there's a lot of confused and nervous voters out there. And Blue Sun... Well, at this point we may have to consider them an independent power bloc within the Zyrix system. And a hostile one."
TAB"To us, or to the Alliance?"
TAB"Yes."
TABThe President pinched the bridge of his nose and considered the pros and cons of taking up alcoholism as a hobby. "Colonel... Do you have any unambiguously, caveat-free good news for me, or should I just pack up my belongings and my mistress and go Kermol in the remotest rural district I can find now?"
TAB"As a matter of fact, Mr President, I do," Kurt replied, wondering idly if the President was joking about the mistress before deciding he'd rather not know. "Mr Lemrick's colleagues in the Foreign Ministry have managed to lay hold of pretty much every piece of publicly available information on how the Alliance Navy's hull armour is manufactured. Some of the materials-science involved is way ahead of ours, but we're confident that we'll have at least the theoretical knowledge to manufacture comparable armour ourselves in a couple of years. Less if our academic head-hunting endeavours bear fruit. Mass production is liable to take much longer unless we can obtain the necessary industrial plant from Alliance sources, but it's a start."
TAB"Indeed it is."
TAB"Colonel," Lemrick added, "you said we only had one weapon that could kill an Alliance warship. Aren't you forgetting the 'wake', as I believe it's been nicknamed, of the Alkerbierre Drive? You know, the high-energy particle wave that the civilians accidentally blew up Eeloo with?"
TAB"I believe my exact words were 'reliably kill an Alliance warship', Mr Secretary. The Drive's wake isn't particularly useful against anything in a less predictable orbit than a planet; the spherical error probability of the exit point is huge, aiming would be dependent on a spotter vessel with a QE comms module being in visual range of the target, and in any case the blast radius is so large that we'd be very unlikely to get a clear shot outside of interstellar space. And that's before we get into the aforementioned escalation issue, because while the Alliance civilian leadership probably won't take drastic action in response to tactical nukes being used in a ship-to-ship engagement, I can just about guarantee they will if we go after them with fleet-killing strategic arms. After all, how would we react if they did it to us?"
TABLemrick nodded. "I see what you mean. With your permission, Mr President, I'll ask the Laws of War Committee to add weaponised Alkerbierre Drive wakes to the no-first-use list. It might pour some oil on troubled waters in the Zyrix system, and domestically for that matter."
TABThe President nodded. "See to it. Colonel, my thanks for your input. Now, if it won't disrupt your team's work excessively, I'd like to take a close look at the hulk of that Alliance frigate."
TAB"That can certainly be arranged, sir. Are you EVA-certified with a standard pressure-suit?"

* * *

TAB"Werner. You're looking..." Gene fumbled for a tactful word for it.
TAB"Bloody awful, I know. That's why I wanted to talk to you." Werner sat back down and took a sip of coffee. "I suppose my darling housekeeper gave you an earful about me?"
TAB"I know it... isn't looking good."
TAB"Hah! That's one way of putting it. Look, I'm not going to dance around the issue: I'm dying, Gene. The cancer might have been treatable if I were twenty years younger, but at my time of life radiation therapy would do more harm than good. I have maybe another year of relative good health, then the symptoms are going to stop being manageable with tablets and I'll need intravenous painkillers. After that point it'll be a couple of months, at the most."
TAB"Oh, Great Kerm." Gene murmured. "I'm... I'm sorry, Wehrner."
TABHe gestured dismissively. "Ah, it had to happen sometime. I'm old and tired enough that the prospect isn't all that frightening anymore, to tell you the truth; I imagine it'll be a lot like going to bed after a very long and busy day. And it's not like I have much left that needs doing now, is it?" He gestured at the big picture window, and the dusty-brown landscape of Duna on the other side of the heavily reinforced glass. "We're a full-blown spacefaring civilisation, Gene, and you and I helped make it all happen. I have the rare privilege of getting to die content in the knowledge of a job well done."
TAB"I... Yeah, I guess so." Gene sighed. "Is there anything I can do?"
TAB"There just might be. I'd like to go to the Zyrix system before I die; not just Jessenstein Base, but one of the planets or moons. I want to see the place, get to know the people and the culture a little bit."
TAB"I'll make it happen. Hanfrod owes me that much, given I've been officially retired almost two years and he still calls me three times a week. You might have to give some speeches and attend the odd university dinner though."
TAB"Hah! I wonder if theirs are as ghastly as ours. Hmmm... Perhaps I'll write a paper comparing human and Kerbal academic politics and see if I can't get into one of the big anthropology journals. That ought to give certain distinguished individuals from my alma mater something to think about!" Werner chuckled. "Say, on the subject of the Zyrix system, how's Bob these days?"

* * *

TABAs it happened, Bob Kerman was currently quite vexed. "What do you mean you can't find them?" he fumed. "You've got his full name and date of birth, you've got his last known address and you've even got his gorram DNA profile! How can this kid's parents just vanish?"
TABThe social worker took several deep, calming breaths. "Sir, I appreciate you aren't used to the scale of our jurisdiction-"
TAB"Don't you patronise me, lady, I know exactly how big this solar system is; I spent weeks mapping it by telescope. Now did Christopher Mullin's parents or did Christopher Mullin's parents not have social security numbers, or whatever you call them here?"
TAB"Yes, sir."
TAB"Then it stands to reason that unless they've retreated to some shack in the pi gu end of nowhere to raise marijuana, they must at some point have held a job and paid taxes, does it not?"
TAB"Yes, sir-"
TAB"Well then it might behoove you to place a telephone to the Alliance Revenue Service and get them to go through the tax records!"
TAB"We did, sir. The last confirmed place of employment for Christopher's father was a small financial services firm on Persephone, two years ago. I tried calling that firm, but they've folded; I was able to trace the owner, but all he could tell me was that Mullin planned to take his severance pay and head for one of the border moons. We know even less about his mother; after they divorced she had some kind of breakdown and went totally off the grid."
TABBob sagged in his seat. "Fan-fardling-tastic," he grumbled. "I'm sorry I lost my temper."
TAB"It's alright, sir. I'm frustrated by this too. Anyway... I know this isn't an easy subject, but we do need to talk about Christopher's living arrangements."
TAB"You have a suitable foster placement?"
TAB"Not exactly..."
TAB"Group home?"
TAB"Yes, sir."
TAB"Suitable for a child with serious emotional issues and a history of physical and psychological abuse?"
TAB"Um..."
TAB"And with security arrangements adequate to protect a child who is also a material witness in criminal proceedings against an organisation with a demonstrated willingness to use deadly force against federal agents?"
TABThe social worker sighed. "To be perfectly candid, sir, I doubt it. But it's all we have available."
TAB"Then I think you'd better talk to your opposite number from my government when he arrives on the next ship out of Kerbin; it's due in a week today. I'll have him call you."
TAB"Sir, I would remind you that Christopher Mullin is an Alliance citizen-"
TAB"And I would remind you that K-78356-Jessenstein and all its permanent orbital installations are the sovereign territory of the Kerbin federation of nations, by right of first verified landing as enshrined in Alliance law, and Christopher has been afforded the status of a political refugee. So don't get any bright ideas about showing up with some Federal Marshals to take him into state custody by force, because there's two armed picket ships and a platoon of Espatiers** who'll take grave exception to that even before the embassy weighs in."
TAB"Very well, sir." The woman sighed heavily. "I hope you appreciate that myself and the organisation I represent only want to do right by this child."
TAB"Then where the hell was your organisation when Blue Sun got their hands on him?" Bob retorted. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have private tutors to interview."

TABThe best thing about Eavesdown Docks, in Bob's considered opinion, was the unspoken mutual agreement among the local populace to never ask inconvenient questions about things that didn't concern them. Human or Kerbal, you could rest assured that everyone you met there would be pointedly minding their own business at all times. After all, the saying "What goes around comes around" was another thing the two races had in common, and if you had nothing to fear from the idle curiosity of a passing stranger then you'd be conducting your business somewhere with better property values.

TABThe second best thing about Eavesdown Docks was the bar that an enterprising young kerman couple had opened to cater to the small but growing number of Kerbal ship's crews travelling between Persephone and Jessenstein Base. Bob was developing a deep appreciation for the local cuisine now he'd acclimatised to the point where he only needed antacids when he let Chris pick the pizza toppings, but he did appreciate the occasional taste of home, and the Starfarer Bar & Grill did some of the best homemade djan chips he'd ever tasted.

TAB"Hey, Bobcat!" Jeb called out from his usual spot at the bar. "Look! They've got RT-5 in here now!"
TAB"That's handy. I could really use one."
TAB"Hah. I was gonna ask how your meeting went..."
TAB"Not well." Bob briefly outlined the discussion he'd had with the social worker. "I feel kind of bad for taking it out on her like that," he admitted. "But damn it all, Jeb, why does this have to be so hard? I get that neither of them were in a position to take care of a kid after their marriage broke up, but you'd think they'd want to know he was okay. Anyway, it looks like I'll need to hire a private investigator."
TAB"Why waste your money? If they can't be bothered to leave a forwarding address so that they could keep in touch with their only son, then I say fuck them and the horse they rode in on, as the local saying goes."
TAB"Because the least I can do for Christopher is find out whether they're alive or dead, particularly his mother; from what I can gather she wasn't in the best of mental health. Besides, if I can bribe or cajole them into signing certain official paperwork then I won't have Alliance Social Services -and boy oh boy is that acronym fitting in English- causing me quite so many legal headaches."
TAB"You're serious about the adoption thing, then."
TAB"Of course I'm serious about it, Jeb! I saw everything that kid went through, I can't turn my back on him now and still be able to look at myself in the mirror."
TAB"I know, I know. It's just that Jessenstein Base wouldn't be my first choice for a place to raise a kid."
TAB"Eh, it's only temporary," Bob replied. "My next mandatory physical's in a few months, and it's probably going to be the big one. And I've been thinking it might be getting to that time anyhow. After all, how do we top First Contact?"
TAB"I know how you feel. Been thinking the same thing, to be honest. I mean, I spent a year's pay on my boat; it'd be a damn shame if I never got any use out of her because I stayed in harness 'til I wound up in a wheelchair smelling of piss."
TAB"I'll drink to that," Bob agreed.

TABAnd they did drink to it. And to several other things they thought up afterwards, until it got to the point where the proprietor tactfully suggested they might want to quit while they were ahead.

TAB"How many times, Cap'n? How many times have I warned you that gorram compression coil was on its way out? 'cause I lost count after the first hundred or so."
TAB"Yeah, yeah, alright. How long is it gonna take to replace?"
TAB"That's the thing, Cap'n! It's not just the compression coil we gotta replace now, I gotta fix everything that got trashed when it let go. And that's gonna take me all weekend 'less I pull an all-nighter, which I ain't gonna 'cause this is your own dumb fault!" Kaylee spun on her heel and stalked back into the ship.
TAB"Hey! Don't you walk away from- Kaylee!"
TAB"She's right, you know," Zoe remarked, carefully checking a large sealed crate of something heavy was secure. "She's been warning you for months."
TAB"Oh, c'mon! Do you have any idea what those things cost?"
TAB"And what's being stuck here, a five minute walk from Badger's office, for two days while Kaylee fixes the engine gonna cost?" she pointed out testily. She ostentatiously held the baby-monitor she was wearing on her wrist up to her ear. "Excuse me, sir."
TAB"Well, that's just shiny," Mal sighed. "Kaylee's mad at me, which means Simon and River are mad at me, Zoe's mad at me... Is anyone on this ship not mad at me?"
TAB"I ain't," Jayne replied cheerfully, applying a lit match to a massive, expensive-looking cigar that Mal was certain he'd looted from Simon's father at some point.
TAB"Oh good," Mal replied, vaguely disturbed to admit that this did make him feel a bit better.

TABGetting the rest of the cargo squared away and lashed down could keep, he decided, because they weren't going anywhere without a new compression coil. And better make it actually new and not just newer if at all possible, because there was a possibility that that might get Kaylee to stop sulking a bit sooner...
TAB"Say, Mal, ain't that the aliens we saw on TV?"
TABMal looked, and blinked. "Reckon it is."

TAB"... with arthritis, your bowels have got collitis, you've gallopin' bollockitis and yer thinkin' it's time you died," Bob sang cheerfully, leaning on a marginally more sober Jeb. "If you've been a man of action, and yer lyin' there in traction, you may gain some satisfaction thinkin' Jesus at least I tried!"
TAB"I can't understand a word you're saying, you know."
TAB"Doesn't translate well, sorry," Bob chuckled, and then launched into the chorus. "Oh, there's sober men in plenty, and drunkards barely twenty! There are men of over ninety that have never yet kissed a girl! But gimme a ramblin' rover, fae... something something something... we will roam the country over and together we'll holy shit that's Malcolm Reynolds! Hey, Mal! I owe you a beer, man!"

TABMal had a sudden premonition that this was going to be one of those days.

* The kerbals call it something entirely different and difficult to render into English, but the weapon in question works exactly the same way.
** Something of an approximate translation, but the term descends from the word for 'space' in Kerbin's dominant language in much the same way that 'Marine' derives from the word for 'sea'. More on these guys later.

[LadyTevar]

~ Give me a rambin' rover, from Cortney down to Dover, we will roam the country over and together we'll face the world!~

[Zaune]

Heh. You mean 'Orkney', but yeah.

For the benefit of anyone not into Celtic folk music, this is the song Bob's singing. It's also my favourite song to sing while drunk.

[Simon_Jester]

Yay! Our favorite spaceship crews meet up!

I'm glad you're still running with this.

[Zaune]

Indeed I am, only mildly deterred by getting the fic booted off the official KSP forums for content unsuitable for an all-ages environment. I'll start a proper sequel thread just as soon as I decide on a title.

[Zaune]

Commissioned from our very own Darth Nostril, I give you an illustrated interpretation of Bob Kerman getting his Rambo on:

Too big to embed so here's a link.