And now ladies and gentlemen, UPF Enterprises and UPF Productions have teamed with UPF Pictures to present...
THE UNTOLD TALES OF VOYAGER
Chapter 1: Meet The Crew
Ensign Harry Kim felt regret hit him like an icepick to the scrotum.
As a toddler, he was slated to be sold to a wealthy infertile couple on the Luna Colony until his father finally realized he was a boy. The deal was broken as the Kim family was without a male heir. Harry grew up learning the ins and outs of the family business, Matter Reclamation.
It sounded fairly benign, and Harry had even been excited to finally accompany his dad to work one day, only to find out what that entailed. They climbed into the old beat up hovertruck as they had done so many times before, and promptly drove under the cover of night to the nearest pet cemetery.
In horror, Harry watched as his father dug up dozens of deceased and decaying dogs, cats, and a myriad of other small animals. As dawn approached a disgusted Harry and his father, prideful that his son was poised to take over the business one day, bagged the dead animals and tossed them into the back of the truck. Harry and his father would then sleep for most of the morning while Harry’s mother and 14 older sisters scraped the rotting flesh from the animals’ bones. The collection of flesh would be sold to the nearest Government Replicator Center. The replicator centers, ignorant of the meat’s source, would then break it down into untraceable base particles and distribute it to homes across the world as part of the Planetary Replicator Network, the mechanism responsible for feeding the world.
“You see son, the key is not to use human cemeteries. Too many questions asked. But they don’t even post guards at the pet cemeteries! One day this whole operation will be yours! I’m so proud of you son.”
Ten years later, as his father grew closer to retirement and talk of Harry stepping in full time once he had graduated from school became common, Harry Kim left his home in the middle of the night to join Starfleet Academy.
Harry’s biggest regret was that, instead of staying home to work in that macabre profession, he had graduated from Starfleet Academy and been assigned to the USS Voyager.
He was completely naked, his arms bound behind his back with a gimp mask over his face and a ball gag suppressing his screams. The rope cut into his wrists, and he pleaded with his torturer to stop, but Captain Janeway was a cruel mistress.
“Harry, my dear Harry, just how did you get that name anyway? You haven’t even a follicle on you save for that mop on your head…” Janeway said as she walked around her captive in a slow circle, smacking him with a riding crop at random while doing so. “But enough about you and your boyish charms Harry. I know I had lured you here under the premise of supplemental training, well in my own special way that’s just what you’re going to get. The purpose of my lessons…is to make a man out of you Harry Kim!”
Harry began to cry, and a large tear ran down the cheek of the gimp mask, Janeway leaned in, licking the tear off with a long dedicated stroke of her tongue. As the salty flavor hit her taste bud she let out a deep moan, frightening Harry Kim so much that he fainted and feel to the ground.
Tom Paris was busy at the helm when his console lit up. “Commander, we’re receiving a distress signal.”
“Put it on screen Ms. Paris.” Chakotay said deadpan.
“I hope you choke on your fucking bird wing or whatever that nasty thing is that you carry around all the time.” Paris retorted as he brought the image up onto Voyager’s main viewscreen. The image switched from empty space to the bridge of the unidentified ship. To the crews horror, the ship and its crew were Talaxian.
“Greetings strange travelers!” said the one in the middle, “Are we ever so glad to see your. We are having a bit of engine trouble, and my brothers’ attempt to fix it has well…failed utterly!”
Chakotay grasped his stomach; the ulcer Neelix had induced in him was suddenly acting up and counteracting the effects of the equine-grade antacids that the Doctor had prescribed. Although his first instinct was to resume course, Chakotay felt it was his duty to see if there was any way they could profit from this exchange.
“That is a …terrible shame, Mr. uhhhh”
“Oh where are my manners,” the obnoxious Talaxian Captain said as the other two Talaxians began running around in the background behind him, apparently playing a game of tag where the objective was to pinch each other on the ass. “I’m Weelix, and my brothers back there are Deelix and Peelix. If you can help us out, we’ll be happy to join your crew as cooks and entertainers.”
That had been enough. Still clutching his abdomen in pain, Chakotay turned towards Tuvok. “If those motherfuckers get a whiff of the inside of our ship we’re all fucking doomed, lock phasers and fire at will.”
To those that knew him, Tuvok’s lack of hesitation was not surprising. Ten seconds later the Talaxian ship was reduced into a cloud of rapidly expanding debris and gases and Voyager was on her way.
“That was way too goddamn close; I want the specifications for that ship logged in our databanks along with a notation advising to destroy on sight with no questions asked.” Chakotay muttered as he started popping a small bottle of pills, hoping to stop the overworked proton pumps in his stomach.”
“But won’t the Captain just rescind that order? You know how she likes Neelix.” Paris warned.
“That bitch only keeps him around because he annoys the shit out of us all.” Chakotay spat. “Besides when has she ever objected to killing anyone? If you ask me we should alter course to the Talaxian homeworld and not stop firing until we’ve finished doing this universe a huge favor.”
Harry opened his eyes to see that he was in his own bed, with his blanket covering him snugly. As he awoke he felt a strange feeling below his waist, looking down he realized that he was sporting an erection.
“Here let me get that for you,” whispered a voice from behind.
“Tom? Is that you?” Harry asked, his voice full of anxious hope.
“Shhhhh,” Tom said. “Just hush and let me make it all better.”
Harry closed his eyes again as he awaited Tom Paris’s magic touch, but the sweet release never came. Instead he felt a tight grip and a stabbing sensation that reminded him of the Starfleet Medical standard STD test that was administered to all personnel after Shore Leave, a.k.a “The Kirk Rules.”
“Tom? I’m scared…” Harry whimpered as he looked down to see himself being stroked slowly, as he looked over his should he saw Tom Paris, but his voice had changed slightly.
“Don’t fight it Harry,” said the voice, which was beginning to sound more and more like Captain Janeway’s.
Harry’s eyes blasted open so hard that his eyelids nearly retracted permanently as he saw Janeway inserting the glass rod into his urethra even deeper as she lightly stroked the underside of his penis.
“Ah you’re awake now Ensign. That will make this procedure much easier and far more interesting, although I admit seeing you whisper Mr. Paris’s name while I toyed with your cock is VERY enlightening and I will have to mention it to him the next time I see him in the mess hall.”
Harry tried to say something before realizing that the ball gag was still in his mouth.
“Ah yes I suppose you’re wondering about the rod. It’s an ancient torture technique, the victim would be stimulated until he was fully erect and a glass rod was inserted into his penis. Now back then they would simply smash the rod and the glass would break inside causing some very nasty damage and what I assume would be the most pain a man could possibly feel. But you and I Harry, we’re not as uncouth as to do that. At least I hope not. No, you and I are going to play a little game, and if you win, I’ll pull that invasive little rod out of you and you’ll be free to go, one step closer to our goal of turning you into a real man.”
Janeway started unzipping the uniform on her jumpsuit. “But Harry, if you lose…if you disappoint me I swear I will reach down with my own hand and squeeze down on your cock until that glass rod is nothing but teeny tiny little shards slicing through your insides so deeply that we’ll have to fucking amputate! Is that clear?” Enhancing her point, she reached down causing Harry to flinch nervously.
“I’ll take that as a yes,” Janeway said as she slid out of the upper half of her jumpsuit. Harry tried to look away, “oh and Ensign, I’m not sure if this part of the history is accurate enough, but another tale about this torture has it that if a victim lost his erection then that too could break the rod. So do try and enjoy yourself. You don’t have to work hard tonight, all I want you to do is learn a little about a woman’s body, and to that end I’m going to put on quite the show for you.”
Harry looked on in terror as she finished removing the jumpsuit, the crotch sticking tightly to her unkempt bush, snapping free only when the rest of the suit reached Janeway’s ankles. In a misguided attempt to lure young men such as Harry, she never wore panties, unfortunately her raging libido caused her unusually wet vagina to drip constantly, that fluid mixed with the sweat that gathered in her crotch left her pubic hair a tussled and matted mess.
Unable to look away and forced to “enjoy” the performance, Harry did the only thing that he could do. He wept once again.
Janeway noticed the glistening moisture streaking down Harry’s face, causing her to grin harder. Every sexual experience she had ever been a part of involved a man crying, intentionally on her part or otherwise, and she was not about to end that streak now.
In a secluded area behind the Warp Core, Belanna Torres enjoyed her eight smoke break of the day. Her subordinates in engineering constantly joked that at the rate she was going through smokes, she would end up sounding like Janeway before too long. But she didn’t care, her engineering abilities allowed her to bypass the computer’s restrictions on illicit substances, thus allowing her to replicate some modest quality marijuana.
“Ah weed how I missed thee,” she said wistfully as she lit up. She had always conjured up her best ideas while high. Including the initial failed attempt to travel at the fable Warp 10. Achieving infinite speed and velocity was far easier to understand when baked out of one’s skull, even if the notes taken were incomprehensible to read, and filled with reference to snack foods.
“Is this how organic beings fulfill their duties?” Seven of Nine said as she peeked around the corner. “You are still on duty, correct?”
“Blow it out your ass you cybernetic cunt. I’m trying to have some ‘me time’.”
Not taken aback in the slightest, Seven continued pressing the issue. “If the Captain were to find out that you were inebriated on duty she could have you thrown in the brig.”
“You think I give a flying fuck what Lameway thinks? You think its easy being the only competent fucker in this entire outfit?”
Silently, Seven wondered if it was the drugs, or her own delusions that led Torres to elevated herself up above the other retards of this crew.
Torres looked back and held up the joint in her fingertips. “Look Tits McGee, you want to hit this or not?”
Seven regarded it for a moment before grasping it in a similar manner, up until this point her efforts to integrate in with the crew had been slow, here was a chance for her to finally begin developing a connection with another member of the crew and despite her best judgment she seized on the opportunity.
Phaser in hand, Tuvok quietly stalked through the Mess Hall, it was late and the lights were dim, but Neelix had called in with a report about crewmen attempting to break into his kitchen to steal food. Annoyed at Neelix, but still obligated to do his job, he quietly opened the door to the kitchen, he saw Neelix bound in a silvery tape. Tuvok recognized the tape as one of the tools commonly used by engineering to fix key parts of the ship. It was then that he noticed a trail of food leading out of the kitchen and into the dining area.
Leaving Neelix behind to rot for a while, Tuvok followed the trail of melted chocolate and cookie crumbs to find Seven of Nine and Belanna Torres passed out on top of each other, cuddling together on a giant pile of dirty dishes and snack wrappers. The two had apparently stormed Neelix’s kitchen in a drug induced frenzy and ate everything in sight.
Technically he could have charged them both for assault and theft, but because the only person they had harmed was Neelix, and because of the stiffy he was currently sporting from the sight of seeing the two women pressed up against each other, he decided to ignore their actions this time.
“Still, it wouldn’t hurt to review the tapes from the security cameras I installed in their quarters.” Tuvok thought as he moved swiftly down the hallway, hoping that his erect but crooked Vulcan penis was not too obvious.
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
Last edited by Darth Fanboy on 2012-01-28 08:35am, edited 6 times in total.