SDNW4: War on Crabs (56k Die)

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MKSheppard
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SDNW4: War on Crabs (56k Die)

Post by MKSheppard »

From SDNW4, a rough attempt at tying togehter a cohesive War on Crabs storyline:

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Lonestar

P.N.S. Springer Mountain
En route to Ocracoke System, Sector BB-1


The Ocracoke System was home to a mighty quarter of a million humans, which made it the second most (human)populated system in the sector. Once the Tuscarora Strike group had arrived at Meinhof various DCMA assets were dissiminated to the human settlements here and there throughout the system. The word from Chesapeake had been clear; there was to be no overt annexation, certainly not in the manner that the Anglicans did to Pendleton, but aid was deployed. Th DCMA-vessel Stellar Neighbor had been escorted to Ocracoke by one of the Battleships of the Strike Group with the intent to cow any opposition from the locals. It worked perfectly, after which the York had departed back to Meinhoff leaving two sloops to act as the defense for the one-stop hospital/industrial development ship.

Then all taskforce missed it's check in.

And so the nearest vessel, the light cruiser Springer Mountain was diverted to check it out. There was a chance that the pirates(both Xenos and Human) that plagued this sector had gathered for an easy kill, as no subspace anomalies had been detected to explain away the loss of contact. The borders with the TDR were being watched and thus far the Junta there had made nary a peep in regards to the Tuscarora expedition, and so that was right out. None of the pirates in the sector were strong enough to hold against even a CL, and so the Springer Mountain was arriving to tech the indigs a lesson in humility.

"Commander Skinner, we will be exiting hyperspace shortly." Came the OOD over the 1MC.

"Roger that Nav, I'll be in CIC...scratch that the navigation bridge shortly." Skinner coughed. "TAO do one last check with all the GQ stations. If some corvette gets a luck shot in because someone was asleep at the wheel I will be a sad panda."

"Yessir." Came the voice of the TAO, who promptly had all the action stations do an acknowledgement over the TACNET. Skinner stood from his desk, stepped out of his cabin into the passageway, and headed forward towards the navigation bridge. As he stepped aboard he waved the OOD to shut up before he could belt out 'Captain on the bridge!'. He hated doing that as a JO and he would be damned if he was one of those useless fogeys who stood on ceremony. "ASTRO, ETA?"

"Should be right about...now."

Image

The volume of fire immediately brought the Springer Mountain's shields down to almost 50%.

"TAO! What is it? Evade Evade!" Skinner ran around to the Bright Bridge, not waiting for TAO to answer. "Flark it, get us out of here!" He leaned over the OS2 manning it and looked at the console display with horror.

Code: Select all

 Amplitur Chorus Vessel
No, it can't be. Barely a handful of those monsters had survived the war, but each one was, even today, thrice the size the heaviest Dominion Star Dreadnoughts and Shepistani Battlestars. But ships of those size haven't been seen in 300 years... "OOD! What's the status on the Hyperspace Window?"

"Calculations are finished sir! Engaging..." The sheer volume of fire was making evasive action impossible, and the Springer Mountain shuddered as it went dark and compartment hatches went slamming down. The main plant was out. In the distance Skinner could see the flare of light as it impacted his now helpless ship.

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P.N.S. Roanoke
In orbit of Ocracoke IV, Sector BB-1


Image

Captain Hatterly looked at the wreckage that had been recovered form the Springer Mountain, or rather, the important wreckage. It wasn't much, and after several days some of the recovery teams had finally found a DRADIS array that still had local memory in one piece. The Springer Mountain's computer core had been completely destroyed, and the number of clues as to what had happened were disturbingly few. The DCMA vessel and the two Sloops that were her escorts were completely gone, the only wreckage from the three vessels were bits of hull that had been knocked off. Clearly they had been taken as prizes.

What was more disturbing was the human settlement on the planet. Almost everyone was gone, a handful that were left seemed to have blown their brains out. The DCMA compound outside of the capital city of Hyde had been blasted apart, and the only automatrons whose memory banks were intact were either in storage or down for maintenance when the attack occured. Admiral Grierson back at Meinhof wasn't plased at the progress of the investigation, no doubt because the DCMA and the Committeee on Dominion Defense were breathing down his neck. Spying the LCDR from the Naval Safety Board speaking to a technician with a computer plugged into the recovered array's local memory he walked across Bay 4.

"Captain." LCDR Rose said, with a barely concealed tone of irritation. As captain of the Roanoke he was there to support the NSB's investigation, and strictly speaking he had no business intruding into LCDR Rose's operation. "Can I help you sir?"

"I'd have thought we'd have a picture of what happened by now Commander."

"Sir, FC1 and I are working as best as we can. The 'Conrad' array faces aft so it didn't create a good render of the attacker, and it still took a power spike which ruined the fidelity of what we have. But..." Rose noticed that the Petty Officer First had raised his hand "You got something FC1?"

"I'm calling it, this is as best as we'll get without taking it to the NSB facility at Columbia Furnace." The DRADIS contact lasted less than half a second, and all they could tell was that it was extremely big.

"What is that?" Captain Hatterly asked. A dark thought entered his head, from his daily intel briefings. "Collector Monolith?"

LCDR shook his head.

"Then what?"

"Well, I guess it could be Collector Monolith..."

"You just..."

"We don't have enough details about Collector weapons to know for sure, but based upon what we know from the Shepistani reports it isn't likely."

"Then..."

"Captain," LCDR Rose said "Sir, We really need to get back to work."

"Alright fine." Captain Hatterly turned and walked away. Rose and the Petty Officer looked at each other. One thing that Rose hadn't mentioned(and apperently Hatterly missed on the information feed) yet was the high amount of cyclonic radiation detected near the DRADIS contact. Whatever the vessel was, it used a step-through Drive instead of opening Hyperspace windows.

It was likely either Amplitur or N'sss.

Lord Protector's Mansion

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"I'm sorry? What's the likelyhood of this conclusion being correct? The fidelity of the DRADIS contact isn't that great, and the contact itself is brief." I really do not need this right now Lord Fairfax thought.

Grand Admiral Earl and Space Marshal Reinsch looked at each other. Earl spoke.

"The amount of cyclonic radiation indicates the vessel uses a step-through drive instead of opening hyperspace windows. The two species that we have the most experience with that use step-throughs are the N'sss and Amplitur, and the N'sss do not build warships that big, or operate outside of the Badlands. Out of the known-knowns an Amplitur Choir Ship makes the most sense. The Diaspora took them to the Badlands but just as many fled to the Verge, beyond Civilized Space, and we know that at least 3 Choir Vessels survived the final campaigns. For all we know the Amplitur in the Verge have managed to build the facilities to maintain and build new Choir vessels."

"Admiral," a note of irritation was creeping into Fairfax's voice. "Are there not other civilizations that use step-throughs?"

"Over a dozen that we know of. Most humanoid species tend to either open hyperspace windows or warp space around the vessel. It's the truly bizarre that use step-throughs."

"Why?"

The two military men had flickers of disbelief go across their faces, and Fairfax realized that something that was common knowledge had just sailed right by him. Where the hell is Blitzschlag when I need him?. Earl spoke again.

"The step-through tends to either kill or drive insane humanoids. Hyperspace doesn't have much in the way of critters, but the dimensions that the step-through passes through has violent fauna. There are methods to reduce odds of incidents during the step-through, but virtually everyone uses alternative methods of FTL."

"Could the contact have been a Collector Monolith?"

"Uh, as the report says sir, while it's possible it isn't likely. It's the opinion of NID that while the Collectors do not use humanoid forms of FTL, the lack of data on the Collectors more or less exclude them from the list. Even the data that the Shepistani Republic gathered from their encounter 100 cycles ago is flimsy, and the recent excursion at Pendleton did not provide much more. The size of the contact means it could be a Monolith of the type at Pendleton, but it matches Amplitur Choir vessels as well. During the Amplitur War it typically took 4 Star Dreadnoughts or 5 Heavy Battlestars to take down one. That the population of Ocracoke seems to have literally packed up and left, and they didn't have BFG in public spaces like us and the Shepistanis, seems to suggest a mass-culling."

Fairfax rubbed his temples.

"Admiral, Marshal, how many people have seen this report?"

"About 500 or so sir."

Not too bad...I can think of bigger conspiracy theories that remained a secret back on the original Earth. "Gentlemen, we have all seen the estimates from the SIG, we cannot afford new capital ship construction until FY05. We have to sit on this," Both men looked at Fairfax blankly "For as long as possible. I will pass this on to Admiral Sikes at the Legation on Montegomery, our Shepistani Brothers deserve to know about this. For all we know they may have information regarding other species that cna provide a viable alternative theory. I know this must stick in your craws, but we have keep this from the public. Our countrys fiscal rating is just barely above a junk bond, and Xenos Scare will take us back down to basketcase-economy. That will be all." Fairfax stood, and the other two men stood and exited.

He did not look forward to getting the response from Shep.

-----------------------------------------

Force Lord

The Central Times

4 August 3400

By Daj Lonag


SHEPISTAN EXPELS CENTRALIST AMBASSADOR

In a shocking move, the nation of Shepistan has given our ambassador the boot. Omran Gatte, the Centralist ambassador to Shepistan, was told by the Shepistani authorities that he had 24 hours to leave or else he would be arrested and unceremoniously expelled. This sudden termination of diplomatic relations is but the latest action in the increasingly worsening Centrality-Shepistan relationship.

Some experts believe that this move by Shepistan is a response to the fact that the Centrality is hosting the latest ESPer Tournament, and that this tournament is closer to Shepistan than before. They argue that previous tournaments have been done far away from Shepistan and in smaller scale due to this nation's infamous anti-ESPer views, and so have never recieved more that diatribes from the Shepistani leadership. This has become especially marked ever since the notorious General Sheppard was revived and assumed power. Now, with the tournament about to take place in Dovan Sector, the Central Intelligence Service has warned that "certain foreign elements" are planning to sabotage the competition. There is no doubt that the Central State is worried about a possible Shepistani action, though the Karlacks also seem likely to spy on the event.

The Triumvirs have declared that any threat to the tournament will be dealt with "decisively and swiftly", and announced that Faust, capital of Dovan Sector and the location of the current tournament, will be placed under martial law two days before the tournament starts and will last for the duration of the same. All citizens are advised to learn about the recent government directives before visiting Faust. Some members of the government have argued for a partial mobilization of the military, but such an option has been rejected by the Triumvirs. Nevertheless, Faust system will be under the protection of two full Fleets and an entire System Front for the duration of the Tournament, as well as a heavy CSB prescence.

Shepistan's fanatical anti-ESPer stance and unpredictable behavior has limited relations between that country and the Centrality, despite the fact that no ambassador sent there has been an ESPer. Recent events have not helped, and the Centrality must be ready for any Shepistani actions.

----------------------------------------------

Shep

Vulture Rock Command Bunker
Shepistani Federation
Night, 4 August 3400


Image

"Wait, we expelled the Centrality's diplomat?" asked Sheppard as he read the latest message traffic.

"I don't remember authorizing that. Must be Tib's doing."

Sheppard was about to ring up Colonel Winter when the Double-Red tabbed folder landed on his desk with a thud. Looking up, he saw the stern face of the Grand Dominion's Secure Courier.

Sighing, Sheppard scrawled his signature on the carbon copy paper that the courier handed to him, and once the man had left, opened up the folder and began to read it's contents.

The cigar in his mouth fell to the floor in shock, and he reached over to stab the intercom button to his secretary.

"Get me Saul Tarsus. I want him here ASAP. Also get me the Dominion's military liason to the JCS. We may need to implement CASE WHITE and it's inter-governmental annexes."

----------------------------------------------------

Shep

Vulture Rock, Supra-Executive Level
Shepistani Federation Command Bunker
Afternoon, 5 August 3400


Image
Interior of Vulture Rock, being patrolled by Shepistani Troops in AP-100 Armor with AP-764 towers nearby

President Sheppard slowly cooled his heels outside the entrance to President Frederick's chamber, waiting for the others to arrive.

As usual, he had arrived very early; but the others in this little cabal were running late.

Ten minutes later, the others arrived.

Sheppard stood up and shook hands with each of the new arrivals.

"Tib, how's the project you have going with the Esperlympics going?"

"Excellently, Mr President," replied Tiberius Winter. "The first stage has been executed, and the items should begin arriving just as the Esperlympic starts."

Turning to the other late arrival, Sheppard looked Tarsus in the eye. "Admiral, is the fleet ready for any possible problems lately?"

"We're as ready as we can be, sir."

"Right, muttered Sheppard. "Well, let's see what's got Frederick all upset as a bee in a bonnet."

Image
President Frederick

"Gentlemen," began Frederick. "The Shepistani Federation faces it's greatest threat in centuries. All the evidence I've gathered so far points towards a new Amplitur offensive."

"I find that hard to believe," scoffed Tarsus. "I Nova-bombed their god-damned homeworld back in 2989, we haven't seen any major Amplitur Naval combatants in two centuries, and our most recent punitive expedition through the former Amplitur holdings back in 2375 didn't show anything on those worlds surviving above extremophiles."

"Grand Admiral Tarsus, I have seen those same reports," replied Frederick.

"While you were extraordinarily throrough in your decimation of the core Amplitur worlds four centuries ago, Admiral...evidence has surfaced recently that suggests that we did not drive their last remnants into a pre-stone age existence."

A screen on the wall next to Frederick's housing flashed into life, showing a complex graph.

Image

"This is based off data supplied to us recently by the Grand Dominion via secure courier. For the uneducated, it shows the distinctive signature of a 'step-through' drive via a sleet of cyclonic radiation."

Frederick paused; most likely for dramatic effect, since as a computer, he didn't need to breathe.

"This signature was found near the wreckage of P.N.S. Springer Mountain, as well as her two escorts."

"So the Dominos lose three ships. Why is this such a big deal? We know that they've had a string of catastrophic failures recently in their Navy due to old units they can't afford to replace. It's really a crying shame what happened to the Dominion Navy..." said Tarsus.

"Admiral Tarsus, I am well acquainted with the problems that the Grand Dominion's Navy is encountering with fleet obsolescence due to the last few centuries of poor political decisions." replied Frederick. "What is crucial about this piece of evidence is that it was the only piece of evidence that the Dominion could find."

"You're shitting me. That signature's the only thing? What about the sensor logs, visual recordings; EEV beacons?"

"Precisely, Admiral. Whatever destroyed the Springer Mountain occured with such overwhelming force that the only trace of evidence as to the attacker was this signature found in the emergency backup memory banks of an aft-facing DRADIS array."

Tarsus stared towards the graph for several seconds before cursing. "That's a lot of overmatch. The N'iss have Step-through-Drive, but don't build ships of that level of overmatch; and the Collectors, while building ships that big, use conventional FTL, as the data from the Annapolis has proven. So the only thing left is a god-damned Choir Vessel."

"Excellently put, Admiral. I know the Navy is loath to admit it, but we know of at least three Choir Vessels that survived the Final Campaigns."

"Wait," interrupted Sheppard. "As powerful as a Choir Vessel may be, there are only three of them left in the universe. The Navy can deal with that scale of threat."

"Yes, General. There are only three known survivors." replied Frederick with a computer generated sigh. "But I would like to point out that these were the largest ships in the Amplitur Navy that we could not account for. Innumerable smaller ships and freighters were also unaccounted for. Admiral Tarsus' Navy accounted for no less than five FTL capable ships in the 2350 punitive expedition."

At this, Colonel Winter spoke up.

"Odds are they've rebuilt some orbital facilities out beyond the Red Line to service those three Choir vessels, and they might even have built one or two more ships of that scope, along with many more smaller craft. I've seen pirates in the rim build things like you wouldn't believe for a pittance in resources."

"Well said, my dear Colonel. Unfortunately, your expertise will be needed to cleanse this latest infestation."

At that last line, the entire chamber fell silent.

Shit. If Frederick's saying we need Winter, things are about to get fucked up. thought Sheppard.

"Why would my services be required, Mr. President?" asked Winter.

The graph on the screen disappeared, to be replaced with split-screen views showing the Centrality embassy on Shepistan from multiple angles, along with several real-time data collection streams.

Shit. thought Sheppard. Now the strange behavior by the Centrality makes sense.

"I'll get to the point, gentlemen" announced Frederick.

"The Centrality's recent announcement that we have expelled their ambassador when we have done no such thing was such a severe devitation from my statistical graphs and extrapolations of Centrality behavior that I instructed the SIS to examine the embassy closer."

Image
Deviation of Centrality behavior from Extrapolated Behavior

On screen, several images changed, showing street level video from various sources.

"I was able to use disguised protectorons in civilian markings to examine the embassy grounds; and their onboard sensors detected a intensely strong psychic source centered on the Embassy."

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Psychic Intensities near the Embassy

"You can see how for most of the coverage; esper activity is near null, thanks to the comforts of the Blitzschlag field. However, near the embassy, there are strong psychic intensities..."

Before Frederick could finish, he was interrupted by Winter, who cursed out loud. At this, everyone turned.

"Sorry," he replied. "I was thinking out loud, but it's bad. See on the map? Most of it is the comforting deep blue and violet of normal human esper intensities. Some are cyan, which are around the range of a top human esper. But red....red is for immensely strong psychic minds...far above human extranorms. It's Amplitur."

"God-damn." muttered Tarsus. "Have you notified fleet command yet? We can vector a battlestation over the embassy and surgeryize the infestation with its onboard weapons. No risk to anyone on the ground."

"Admiral, as much as I admire your enthuasism and while I admit such a method would be the best as far as cost-efficiency ratios are concerned; I have extrapolated Centrality and galactic reaction to such a course of action."

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Extrapolated Shepistani Popularity

"It would reduce our intragalactic standing to near zero, which is a non-desirable outcome. No, Admiral; we'll have to accept a non-optimal cost-effective ratio for this one. Colonel Winter, will your E.N.C.L.A.V.E. team be ready to assault the Centrality embassy in less than 4.31 hours?"

"Wait!" interrupted Sheppard. "Wait just a god-damned minute. How the living christ did a honest to god Amplitur get onto Shepistan, and into the Montgomery Arco-region?"

The lights on Frederick's housing blinked rapidly, indicating he was in deep thought. "General; I have thought this over, and using backdated footage from our SIS surveillance teams who have each embassy in Montgomery under surveilance, I have identified what I believe to be the source of the infestation."

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SURVPHOTO #21315AF

"This crate was delivered to the Centralist Embassy approximately 2.12 hours before the Centrality claimed that we were expelling them. At the time, we noted some interference in local Blitzschlag fields; but the technicians on duty put it down to the Centrality trying out some anti-blitzschlag field equipment at the time."

"My god," replied Tarsus. "It's all coming together now. The goddamn craboid sealed itself up in that crate, along with a protective null-field generator to keep itself from going insane during the trip across Shepistan...and it got into the Centrality embassy by posing as a persecuted psyker who wanted asylum in the Centrality."

"Excellent deduction, Admiral. It correlates with my extrapolated graphs to a 99.98 per-cent certainity. Once it was in the zero-Blitzschlag field zone around the Embassy, it quickly took over the minds of all the Centrality Embassy personnel," finished Frederick.

"God-damn fools," muttered Sheppard. "We keep telling the god-damn galaxy how dangerous an Amplitur is. But they keep poo pooing us and saying that they could counter any such esper threat with their own espers. Well, you stupid fucks, you just got mindfucked. How long did it take this time, Frederick?"

"According to my calculations and readings from nearby sensors, it took approximately 34 seconds; which is 6.5 seconds longer than the baseline Shepistani resistance to esper of cattacks of such magnitude."

"They're gonna try something soon," stated Sheppard. "Why would they leave safety to blow up those Dominion vessels and send an agent into Shepistan unless they were planning something big?"

Pausing for breath, Sheppard continued. "The Springer Mountain was a test of either their refurbished Choir Vessels or a newly built one; and the Centrality Embassy's crucial to their plan."

"They know that they can't beat us in a full on slapfight. They did that four centuries ago, and we nova-bombed them to the stone age. And we've only gotten more powerful since then."

"However, we didn't face any external threats other than the Amplitur during that period, so we were able to focus our full might on them. Hence why they want to provoke something between us and the Centrality. So the embassy had to be taken over."

Sheppard paused again.

"...shit. If we do nothing about the embassy, we leave an Amplitur cell in place in fucking Montgomery, but if we cleanse it; we risk intergalactic backlash. Shitty choice all around. But that's why I'm the god-damn president."

"Tarsus, mobilize the fleet under ESPERCON TWO. Winter, get your ENCLAVE boys ready to storm that embassy. I'll send a fully bragcrypted message to Lord Fairfax concerning this. He won't like it a damn bit."

Site E, undisclosed location, Montgomery

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"Everyone onto the vertibird!" shouted Sergeant Limestone as he slammed the RT-56 helmet onto his head. "We don't have time to give you a full DCS and tactical database assimilation, so we'll do it in the air en-route to the target zone. This is the big one, boys!"

--------------------------------------------------

Force Lord

Centrality Embassy, Montgomery
Shepistan


The sound of rotor-craft was proof enough for the Black Beret troops guarding the embassy that there was something amiss.

The embassy was largely empty of important diplomats. What was left was several embassy staff from the Centrality awaiting a ship to take them home. It was scheduled to arrive in a few minutes. The Black Berets ensured that the embassy was safe in the meantime, but now it seemed that Shepistan really wanted them out.

"Everyone in the building, now!", shouted the BB commander. The BB soldiers obeyed, and ran into the building.

The Black Berets took defensive positions over key portions of the building, breaking windows and a few walls to aid in any possible defense.

"Someone get a megaphone or something similar!", ordered the BB commander through comlink. "And find a spokesman who's willing to use it!"

The plan was to question the Shepistanis of their intentions. If there was no response, or if the Shepistanis wanted to occupy the building, the Black Berets would wait until the Shepistanis fired their first shot. Then they would open fire in response. The event would be recorded and transmitted by the strongest signal the station's emitters could manage, and broadcast it until the emitters were destroyed or overwhelmed by jammers.

The Black Berets could now see the Shepistani rotor-craft deploy elite troops and surround the area. They waited for their next move.

"Remember, let the Shepistanis fire the first shot! We will not be the agressors!", shouted again the BB commander through his comlink.

Suddenly a loud voice was heard: someone had gone to the megaphone.

"Shepistani troops, what are your intentions here? We are waiting for a ship that will take us home, so let us leave in peace. If you intend to attack us, know that you are doing a great mistake. So let us leave, and you will be free to look for whatever you intend to find."

For several agonizing seconds, there was only silence.

--------------------------------------------------


Shroomy

Centrality Embassy, Montgomery
Shepistan


Inside the meat locker of the Centrality Embassy kitchen was a box. A Pandora's box, named so not because it came from a garden moon with blue people on it, but because within that box was an evil unknowable to man. The cryonic casing defrosted, and as the internal temperature began to rise from its previously subzero levels, the beast within the box stirred.

The Amplitur creature woke from its slumber, and though separated from the hivemind due to the thrice-damned Blitzschlag Fields - which to their kind was known as the Bitchslag Fields - it was still steadfast in its single-minded determination to complete its mission: the fulfillment of the cycle of revengeance unto the softskinned humans. For before its arrival in Shepistan, when it had been amongst its people, it had been steeped in the hivemind's collective hatred of the softskins and the suffering the mammalians had inflicted upon them. The pain of one lone being such as itself was but nothing in comparison to the sheer agony experienced by their entire species as a whole, and the telepathic anguish they felt with each and every death whenever their stone-age brethren were vaporized by the Shepistani/Dominion retribution patrols was incomprehensible. For centuries they experienced this, year after year after year they listened to the telepathic death-screams as their brethren were boiled away in poor begotten worlds across the dark spaces, unable to shut themselves from the cries, and unable to do anything about it. Even in death, the echoes of their screams lingered on. Listening silently, helplessly, unable to do anything, it was enough to drive anyone mad.

That was what they all heard and felt, permeated by the intrinsic communal collective consciousness shared by their entire species. The suffering led to fear, and then to anger, and finally hatred. Today, the culmination of an entire species' hate would finish the vicious cycle and once more lead to suffering - but this time, not of the Ampliturs'. This time, the suffering would be man's.

The plan was simple yet elegant, hatched by multiple minds working in concert, as in any hivemind. One would sacrifice itself to get within Shepistani territory, to nestle in one of their most vulnerable spots - the soft underbelly of their society's carapace. The zero-Blitzschlag field zone around the Embassy. The Amplitur would do what it did best there, sap and impurify the precious mentallic fluids of the humans. But no, that was not the only thing they relied on. The single most crucial thing to their plan was the Shepistanis themselves. Their paranoid security measures, once heightened by any remotely related act, say the vaporization of a Dominionoid vessel, would detect the Amplitur intrusion - for such was their effectiveness, an effectiveness only matched by the ruthlessness of their inevitable response. The Shepistanis' own nature would be their own undoing. The Amplitur would make them strike at their own human brethren, and humanity's disgustingly selfish fractious nature would do the rest.

The Amplitur steepled its pincers and smiled an Ampliturian grin with its mandibles. Then it squinted its compound eyes as it began to concentrate its considerably powerful psykeristic prowess. Suddenly, the temperature began to drop once more, reaching sub-zero whilst psychic frost formed on the walls of the embassy kitchen. The interior of the Amplitur's refrigerator box began to glow eerie blue.

Image
[i]Previously on SDNW4[/i] wrote:
The plan was to question the Shepistanis of their intentions. If there was no response, or if the Shepistanis wanted to occupy the building, the Black Berets would wait until the Shepistanis fired their first shot. Then they would open fire in response. The event would be recorded and transmitted by the strongest signal the station's emitters could manage, and broadcast it until the emitters were destroyed or overwhelmed by jammers.

The Black Berets could now see the Shepistani rotor-craft deploy elite troops and surround the area. They waited for their next move.

"Remember, let the Shepistanis fire the first shot! We will not be the agressors!", shouted again the BB commander through his comlink.

Suddenly a loud voice was heard: someone had gone to the megaphone.

"Shepistani troops, what are your intentions here? We are waiting for a ship that will take us home, so let us leave in peace. If you intend to attack us, know that you are doing a great mistake. So let us leave, and you will be free to look for whatever you intend to find."

For several agonizing seconds, there was only silence.
Centrality Embassy, Montgomery
Shepistan


There was a flash of light, like that of lightning, and then the silence was gone. There was noise, the sound of distant thunder. The unmistakable crack of gunfire. Muzzle flashes from the Shepistani vertibirds, and the sound of gunshots following after the supersonic bullets. The whizzing of bullets zipping past the Black Berets. The hisses of very narrow misses.

"SPECIAL ORDER 937 IS IN EFFECT!" shouted the Shepistani ENCLAVE trooper through the radio. "SPECIAL ORDER 937 IS IN -"

His voice was drowned out in a sudden outburst of static that coincided with the gunfire.

The Black Berets dived for cover along with the spokesman who had tried to communicate with the Shepistanis by megaphone.

"CEASE FIRE! PLEASE!" the Centralite spokesman shouted desperately. "PLEASE! CEASE -"

The megaphone emitted a painful metallic shriek that rendered his voice inaudible, like the sound a microphone makes when it's placed in front of a speaker. Like feedback.

"Shit!" a Beret shouted. "We're being jammed! Our radios aren't working!"

He was right.

"By who?!"

"By the Shepistanis, of course, you numbnuts!"

He was wrong.

"Fuck! What do we do now?"

"Those motherfuckers fired first, goddamn it! They fired first! They're the aggressors!"

The Shepistani vertibirds approached them now. Strobe lights beamed from their fuselages, blinding the Berets until their nightvision goggles compensated. They could see and hear the Shepistanis continue their relentless attack, they were coming in with all guns blazing.

Image

"They're coming in for a strafing run! Take cover, make stand!"

"Return fire, goddamn it!" another Beret shouted. "They fired the first shot! And the second and the third!"

"But we haven't gotten orders from the commander yet! The radios aren't working! Nothing is!"

Then they all heard the unmistakable voice of their commander somehow getting through the jamming.

"WASTE THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS!"

-----------------------------------------------

Shep

The Lucky 70 Casino: Montgomery, Shepistan

Thara Krace watched the craps game with a grin on her face.

Since arriving at the Casino last night on temporary leave from Los Shepvada; she'd cranked up a couple thousand in winnings, and was about to get more...if her luck held.

Turning around, she punched Lee "FAPOLLO" Shroomdama on the shoulder. Lee had reluctantly agreed to go on this 'date' with Krace, out of no other reason than the possibility of getting into her pants.

"Damn it Lee, I need some extra luck," she muttered, shaking the pair of dice in her hand to emphasize her point.

"Whatever," replied Lee as he put down the bottle of SHEP DANIELS he'd been nursing for the last couple of hours.

Taking a deep breath, he tried to blow on the dice for luck, but instead spat a loogie onto them.

"Godsdamnit Lee!" shouted Krace right before she punched him out.

"Fuck. Might as well see what happens..." she muttered as she threw the phgelm-encrusted dice onto the craps table.

It was at that moment the emergency beeper on her waist began to beep.

"Godsdamit."

Officially, she was still on call in case anything happened that required her skills in black bag douchery. But she had really wanted to gamble.

So she had solved the problem in imitable STARFUCK style by parking her Viper in the casino's parking lot.

Rushing out of the casino, she shoved the chips from her winnings into the many innumerable pockets and pouches on her flight suit, which she had wore beneath the fancy dress that was required in the casino.

As she climbed up the Viper's pilot's boarding ladder, she ignored the low wails of the car alarms in the Ferrarios, Shroomvees, and Shroombinginis that she'd crushed beneath her landing gear when she'd arrived.

Running through her checklist in seconds, the Viper's engines roared to life and with a chortle of glee, she took off into the sky, the super-hot exhaust of her engines in full VTOLOL afterburn reducing the vehicles around her to husks of carbonized steel frames.

"If you didn't want that, you shouldn't have parked in VIPER ONLY PARKING!" she shrieked to nobody in particular. It was a standing joke amongst Viper pilots that every parking lot in Shepistan was actually VIPER ONLY PARKING, and they took every chance to prove that in their eternal war with the BOMBER BARONS who controlled Shepistani military procurement.

As she passed 145,000 feet; she went into full HTOLOL afterburn and quickly went past the hypersonic barrier into the shroomsonic barrier. Looking down at her central MFD, she saw that there was a situation in central Montgomery near the Centrality Embassy...involving Special Order 937?

STARFUCK had to do a double take on that. Special Order 937 in Shepistan was quite blunt and was invoked only when a possible Amplitur threat existed. To refresh her memory over what it all meant, she had her flight computer load S.O. 937 up to review during the short flight.

SPECIAL ORDER 937.

POSSIBLE AMPLITUR INFESTATION.

INVESTIGATE AND TAKE ALL MEASURES NECESSARY TO ERADICATE.

PRIORITY ONE.

ALL OTHER CONSIDERATIONS SECONDARY.

ALL SHEPISTANI AND NON SHEPISTANI PERSONNEL EXPENDABLE.


Starfuck took several poker chips out of one of her pockets and began to chew on them in a reflexive reaction.

Spitting bloody plastic shards out of her mouth, STARFUCK laughed.

She fucking laughed.

"Take that you candy ass FAPOLLO! I'm about to be able to kill anyone I want to, with no answers! I'll beat your fucking high score!"

Like a meteor bent on destruction, STARFUCK tore a actinic streak across the sky of Shepistan.

ENCLAVE Assault Team; Gates of the Centrality Embassy

Sergeant Limestone ran through the equipment of his team as they crouched behind the brick wall that encircled the Embassy grounds, making one last check.

"Right, everyone's OK. Let's do this!"

They advanced in a half-crouch with weapons at the ready. Soon, the guardhouse came into sight. Over their heads thundered scores of vertibirds, the propwash of their engines causing the vegetation on the Embassy grounds to sway.

Someone dressed in what appeared to be a typical light armor suit for the Centrality stepped forward with a megaphone.

From the man's dark skin tone, it could only be one of the notorious Black Berets of the Centrality.

"Shepistani troops, what are your intentions here? We are waiting for a ship that will take us home, so let us leave in peace. If you intend to attack us, know that you are doing a great mistake. So let us leave, and you will be free to look for whatever you intend to find."

Limestone wasted no time in replying.

"SPECIAL ORDER 937 IS IN EFFECT! SPECIAL ORDER 937 IS IN--"

At that moment; the Black Berets opened fire; causing everyone to scatter as energy bolts filled the area.

"GOD DAMN IT! CEASE FIRE! CEASE FIRE!" roared Limestone at the top of his lungs.

At that moment, the commlink in Limestone's helmet issued a screech of static and then went silent. He tapped the side of his helmet several times, but it didn't fix the balky commlink.

Then they heard it. The distinctive screech-howl of their PKE meters going off the scale.

Image

Suddenly, the commlinks in everyone's helmets cleared up and they heard the voice of their superior officer, Colonel Winter.

"WASTE THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS!"

"Shit!" yelled Limestone. "Consider all communications compromised by the Amplitur threat! Go full retard! Assume all personnel in the Embassy mindwiped by the Amplitur!"

Drawing their Proton-Plasma guns, the ENCLAVE troopers began to advance across the grounds of the Embassy, towards the central building.

Image

The Black Berets at the gatehouse put up a valiant fight; but quickly were overwhelmed by the torrents of proton-plasma fire that were being poured out by the ENCLAVE troopers; and they collapsed to the dirt with massive holes in their bodies.

Overhead, the Shepistani ENCLAVE vertibirds wheeled around, firing on anyone they found who was not Shepistani. Scores of defenders disappeared under proton-plasma and chaingun fire.

Suddenly a bright spear of light lanced out from one of the windows of the embassy, catching a vertibird in mid-flight. It exploded and fell to the ground in a flaming mass.

Centrality Embassy, Meat Locker

Image

The Amplitur clacked it's claws in amusement as it mentally 'read' the battle occuring outside. All was transpiring as it had foreseen.

But this was a mere incident. It was not yet a Galactic incident. Squeezing the multitude of eyes it had shut, it concentrated.

On the filthy humanoids that were on board the C-510F transport idling it's engines at the back of the embassy grounds. The Amplitur knew from reading their minds that they were the females and larva of the Centrality's embassy.

It was larva's play to implant an overwhelming image in the minds of all those on the transport. Images of the Shepistanis lining up prisoners on the Embassy grounds and executing them.

Image

As plankton on the meal, the Amplitur also added a group of Shepistani soldiers advancing towards the transport with their weapons drawn.

Grounds of the Centrality Embassy

Sergeant Limestone ducked a bolt and rolled into a convient bomb crater left behind by a SHROOMDRA rocket fired by one of the orbiting vertibirds.

Raising his rifle, he blew the head off a Centrality security man firing on him. Checking his platoon readouts, he saw that about a quarter of them were already down, despite their heavy armor, the best that Shepistan could provide.

Suddenly the earth began to shake. Looking up, he saw a huge transport taking off from the rear of the embassy grounds. It quickly gained altitude and rocketed off, quickly opening the range between it and the relatively short-ranged weapons on the vertibirds.

Out of reflex and long training, Limestone activated his commlink; because even though they might be Amplitur infested; procedure was to be followed.

"Godsdamnit, this is Element BASALT...we have breach of the containment zone! Contain the breach! Contain the breach!"

If a god-damn Amplitur is on that transport, we're all fucked.

A voice suddenly broke in, one he didn't recognize.

"Don't sweat it, Element Basalt; I'm on it."

Moments later a Viper tore through the space over the embassy, dodged a stray surface-to-air energy bolt, and then did a full power vertical climb towards the fleeing transport.

STARFUCK watched as the sky rapidly turned dark blue and then deep black as the altitude increased and the transport grew larger before her.

A panicked voice crackled over the radio.

"Don't shoot! We've got women and children on board! Don't shoot for the love of god! We're carrying the Embassy staff's families to safety from you monsters!"

STARFUCK was having none of it.

"Shut your pie hole! Turn around and land immediately at the spot you took off from or you will be DESTROYED under Order 937!"

In response, she saw the engines of the transport brighten. At that she giggled and then began to speak for the record.

"Transport is refusing to comply with Order 937; this indicates it has Amplitur aboard. Implementing lethal sanction to prevent Amplitur escape."

On her HUD, the transport was suddenly covered in boxes, diamonds, pentagons, hexagons, and pentagrams as the Viper's targeting system locked onto everything that could be hit.

With a jerk, she triggered the four JDAMRAAMLRSLBM9F under the wings of her Viper. They leapt off their launch rails and MIRVed split seconds before they slammed into the vunerable points on the transport.

"You bastards! We have women and children aboar..." came a shout from the transport which was cut off by a high pitched whistle.

Sixty miles high, the transport began to break up, spilling hundreds of people into the cold vacuum of near-space; their last breaths exploding from their lungs in crystallized spray.

STARFUCK giggled again as she watched the Viper's computers calculate the number of objects that were classified as Bodies, Humanoid within it's field of view.

"Take that FAPOLLO!" she shouted as the count climbed past 287. "I BEAT YOUR FUCKING SCORE!"

The Centrality Embassy, Meat Locker

Booms and thuds were reverberating through the halls of the embassy as the Shepistanis reached it and began to storm it. Screams quickly filled the hallways, only to be cut off by the whine of proton-plasma rifles.

Image

My mission here is complete. thought the Amplitur. Focusing it's intense psykeric energies, it began to melt a hole through the Meat Locker's floor and into the sewer line that ran under this portion of the Embassy. Within moments, the escape route was finished.

Taking one last psychic 'read' of the area around it; it shuddered at the horrible enamanations of the Bitchslag fields on the power armor of the Shepistani troops.

With a clack of it's claws, it activicated the null-field on it's back, which would protect it from those thrice-damned Bitchslag fields as long as it's power supply lasted; which was 24 humanoid hours.

Giggling evilly in it's foul mental tongue, the Amplitur scrabbled out of it's container and into the sewer line.

Minutes later, the door to the meat locker exploded inwards, and Sergeant Limestone crashed through; his PKE meter at the ready.

Psykeric energies were high in the room, but decaying, indicating that the Amplitur had recently left.

It was then he saw the hole in the floor.

"We have a goddamn breach!" he shouted for the second time that day.

Reacting instinctively, he pulled a sub-nuclear grenade from its attachment point on his armor, armed it and rolled it into the hole.

Minutes later, with the last of the Shepistani troops retrating beyond the minimum safe distance, the embassy exploded.

Image

--------------------------------------------------

Force Lord

General Secretary's Office, Central Party HQ, Central City
Centrum, The Center Sector, The Centrality
5 August 3400


"Wait, Shepistan just attacked our embassy?!", Viso Fredon screamed.

"There's no denying it, my friend. We recieved a distress call from our embassy. While all the important diplomats had left before, there was still embassy staff and a Black Beret force guarding them. I can only assume 100% fatalities," Hoover Gates responded.

Borlon declared, "Shepistan has given us a clear casus belli. We should make an appropiate response to Shepistan."

Tredell said, "The Sheppoes have made a great blunder in charging at the embassy with all guns blazing. This calls for immediate movilization!"

Suddenly, Cracus Vompey stormed in.

"I overheard someone saying mobilization. I was hoping you'd say that," he said.

"Then you know what to do, my friend," said Fredon, "Alert the military that general mobilization will be started. All leave will be suspended and the planned downsizing of the Ground Forces will be stopped for the duration of this emergency. All ESPers not connected to the Tournament will be called up. The rest is up to you."

"Yes, General Secretary. Long live the State!", Vompey saluted, and walked out of the office.

"It seems I have a lot of work to do. I'll tell Nostrum to ready a diplomatic offensive. I will go and help him," Borlon stated, and he too left the room.

Tredell looked at Fredon. He was pensive. "Know what? Let me handle the rabble-rousing discourse this time, old friend. It seems you're going to be busy enough," Tredell said.

"Don't remind me. Thanks anyway. Make sure the people are fired up. I fear this crisis will last longer than expected."

Tredell nodded, and left the room.

Fredon was about to leave himself when he saw Kierger walk in.

"Vompey told me what happened," said Kierger. "Will there be war?"

"I hope not," responded Fredon. "But if Shepistan crosses the line again, they will have one."
The Central Times

SHEPISTAN MASSACRES EMBASSY PERSONELL!

By the Editor

It is a grim day for the Centrality. Shepistani troops, ignoring pleas from our embassy in their country, killed all of the staff and even destroyed the embassy itself! This unprovoked and dastardly attack on our citizens has led for cries for revenge in the Central State.

Already, the Triumvirate that rules this nation in the Dictator's stead has decreed general mobilization of all military personell from all services. War clouds are gathering.

In a stirring speach today, Secretary of State and Triumvir Falko Tredell demanded that Shepistan pay reparations to the families of the dead embassy staff. He warned Shepistan that any other hostile action against the Centrality will result in war.

"Shepistan has sown the wind, and if they continue to do so they shall reap the whirlwind!", he declared.

It is unknown what effects this will have on the 1100th ESPer Tournament. Tournament officials were not available for comment.

Will there be war with Shepistan? Only the future knows.

Long live the Centrality!
-----------------------------------------------

Shep

Vulture Rock Command Bunker
Shepistani Federation


Image

General Sheppard stared into the holocams with a stern look on his face, and the seal of the Shepistani Republic behind him, offset with a bright crimson curtain.

He hated doing these speeches; he'd never been one for formal speeches, but he had to give one now; due to the huge mess that had occured with the goddamn Centralians.

The red lights on the holocams blinked on.

Taking a deep breath, he began to speak.

"People of the Shepistani Republic, I bring grave news. We face the greatest Amplitur threat in centuries."

All across the Republic, countless billions of throats sucked in breath at that world.

Slowly, Sheppard began to lay out the evidence as Frederick had given him a day before; added with the new information that had been uncovered following the siege of the Centrality Embassy.

*snip 20 minutes*

"...it was with a heavy heart that I ordered the Embassy to be cleansed of the possible Amplitur infestation."

"Our troops were fired upon first by Centrality personnel who were under the influence of the Amplitur in the zero-field region of the Embassy."

"PKE readings taken at that time by our troops conclusively show that an Amplitur was present; so we were left with no other choice but to treat them as all mindwiped husks with no other free will left to them. Even if we had used less-than-lethals on them, they would have died once removed from the Amplitur's mental control, as it would have replaced their minds with fragments of it's own."

"Surveillance footage we recovered from the Server cloud of the Centrality embassy clearly show the craboid form of an Amplitur; as shown here..."

"Unfortunately, due to a breach of the cordon by the Amplitur itself..."

*show footage of craboid melting hole and then scuttling into it*

"...we had no other choice but to destroy the embassy in an attempt to kill the Amplitur before it could make good on it's escape. We do not yet know if it succeeded, but we must assume it did so."

"Therefore as accorded to me under the Presidental Wartime Powers Act; I am ordering the following..."

"...All Blitzschlag field generators are to be immediately inspected and augmented by portable emergency generators."

"...that anti-crab measures be implemented by the Shepistani Department of the Interior to prevent the Amplitur from hiding amongst our natural crab population."

"...importation of foreign crabs are banned effective immediately."

"...that all foreign embassies immediately implement local Blitzschlag fields to prevent a reoccurence of this tragic incident. The Bragulan government has been most helpful in this aspect."

Sheppard shuffled some more papers and then sighed.

"It has come to my attention that the Centrality has demanded reparitations regarding this incident."

"We will be sending the amount deemed appropriate to them, minus deductions for the cost of cleansing the infestation and of course for the life insurance payouts for the brave Shepistani soldiers who gave their lives so that we could live free of insidious psykerism."

"The final amount that will be sent to the Centrality is approximately $99,000 Shepistani Dollars."

"I am sure the Centrality will complain about this amount. To them I say:"

"Tough Luck. The responsibility for this horrible psyker incident rests solely upon your shoulders in many ways; from your lax attitude towards transshipment of possible psyker vectors, and to your disproval of common-sense measures against the threat."

Sheppard paused at that and looked right into the camera's 'eye'.

"Maybe now you will recognize the rampant threat that psykerism poses to the cerebrospinal fluids of all sentinent beings in the galaxy."

A haunted look then appeared in Sheppard's eyes.

"...God knows we know this all too well."

"Till then, I remain your President. Good night, and and Atom Bless Shepistan!"

//TERMINATE MAINLINE TRANSMISSION//

Sheppard sighed and adjusted his collar. It was damned tight in formal mode. He turned and looked at Colonel Winter.

"You know, I've got legislation on my desk that outlaws the Centrality forever. We begin planetary bombardment in five minutes."

...unbeknownst to Sheppard that informal ad-lib was captured by several intelligence agencies monitoring the presidental studio's carrier signal.
"If scientists and inventors who develop disease cures and useful technologies don't get lifetime royalties, I'd like to know what fucking rationale you have for some guy getting lifetime royalties for writing an episode of Full House." - Mike Wong

"The present air situation in the Pacific is entirely the result of fighting a fifth rate air power." - U.S. Navy Memo - 24 July 1944
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MKSheppard
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Re: SDNW4: War on Crabs (56k Die)

Post by MKSheppard »

Shroomy

Bragulan Consulate, Capital Wasteland, Montgommery, Shepistan

To the Bragulans stationed at the consulate, the last few months had seen spats amongst several puny human nations. Amongst them were the desecration of a cathedral and brutalization of clergy belonging to Puny Human Nation Number 1 (the Byzantine Imperium), and now there was another diplomatic fracas between Puny Human Nation Number 2 (the Centrality), and Bragule's good friend the Shepistani Republic. In light of the latest hijinks, the Bragulan consulate located at the wilderness of the Capital Wasteland - situated under the shadow of the Vulture Rock mountain fortress-complex itself - had been most helpful in aiding the Shepistani diplomatic overtures at both soothing relations with other nations (which was a part of glasnot and bragstroika) as well as providing increasingly paranoid security measures (which was a part of... well, Bragulanity in general).

Rather than utilizing all-encompassing BFGs like the Shepistanis, the standard Bragulan paranoid security measures pertaining to preventing potential psykerist penetrations and perfusions was to link Psychokinetic Energy (PKE) meters to automated and semi-automated manned and unmanned weaponries such as the FLACIDS (Full Liquidation Active Counter Intrusion Defense Systems) and the RANCIDS (Reactive Automated Nuclear Counter Intrusion Defense Systems). Thus, while a psyker may be forced to conceal his/her/its true nature when detecting the BFGs, under the Bragulan system the absence of BFGs may lull the psyker into a false sense of security, believing it to be safe and BFG-free, and then any careless display of psykerism once detected by the omnipresent Bragulan surveillance system will automatically mark the psyker out for the RANCIDS and the FLACIDs to deal with at their own indiscretion.

"...that all foreign embassies immediately implement local Blitzschlag fields to prevent a reoccurence of this tragic incident. The Bragulan government has been most helpful in this aspect."

But with the Shepistani special request, the Bragulans gladly complied in installing a Blitzschlag Field Generator to their facility. A, as in singular.

Image

Because, in an exercise of idle curiosity by the local IBGV agents on Montgommery, they took the single BFG, linked it to a PKE, and connected it to the Druga-3 over-the-horizon (OTH) radar powered by a radio-ionic thermonuclear generator (RTG) - thus quadruplicating the combined effectiveness of the TLAs.

By connecting the BFG to the embassy's modest-sized communications antenna (which had the secondary use of cooking any mutant geese in the local aerospace), and combining everything from BFG fields to the transmissions of vacuum tube-powered radios OTH XYZ-band radars, and the gamma ray/x-ray arrays, microwave, miniwave and macrowave and maybe even tidal wave emissions and so on and such forth, the raw power of this frankenstinian electronic warfare array expanded at a geometric rate.

The Bragulans chuckled and laughed boisterously as they began bouncing their transmissions off the electro-ionosphere, directing it over the horizon and shooting arc-beams of invisible cosmic radiation towards other peoples, places and events otherwise uncovered by the Shepistani BFG-grid. A few of the other embassies slow to comply with the Shepistani BFG implementation order were bombarded, such as the Solarian Embassy (if there was one on Montgommery), and those who did not cower in shielded bunkers but instead foolishly wandered around in the open would come to know the effect of what would, in later days, come to be known as the Bragulan Brainpecker. Those fancy shmancy posthumanoids with cybernetics, particularly in their brains, with classy and expensive branded consumer organics and iBrains and such began to experience nausea and vomiting, dizziness and disorientation, vertigo, and severely painful headaches.

A chittering-chattering woodpeckering sound filled their heads as their brain-implants began unwillingly receiving indiscriminate signals noise that would only stop when either the Bragulan super-BFG stopped transmitting or moved on to another target, or when the affected people fled away from the target zone or hid in shielded areas. This was for those who had cyber-brains. Those who didn't have cyberbrains nonetheless began suffering malfunctioning electronics, which caused no small amount of suffering for low-grade cyborgs and prosthesis-wearers. Purely meat humans, or those enhanciles with sufficiently hardened cyber-organics, could go by relatively well and unaffected. Their gadgets, such as MePhones and Tamagotchi, were not so fortunate.

Whenever the Druga-3 bombarded civilian spaces, hospitals would crowd up as people were admitted for burns from phones that melted in their hands, or perforated eardrums from exploding iProd earpieces, and the rates of motor vehicular accidents (MVAs, another TLA!) began to spike as the ECM began to jam the GPS systems of auto-cars, seemingly deliberately scrambling their coordinates and leading them to crash into each other, causing gratuitous highway, low-way, subway and freeway pileups. This was taken as a sign and portent, and the majority of Shepistanis who drove good old Frod cars chastised those who chose imported Haruhi Toyoyotas or Altacar Alta Cars for their foolishness - this was mistakenly interpreted as a factory defect, causing a massive recall on Toyoyotas and Alta Cars, causing the stocks of several foreign car companies to plummet, much to the joy of Frod Motors, PMC and the local car business in Detroid. Old people with the otherwise trusty B-36 pacemakers ended up dying en masse as their very cardiac systems were jammed!

In the end, the Shepistani Intelligence Service somehow managed to classify the Bragulan activities and their Druga-3 super-system, keeping it a secret whilst the mass mayhem they caused somehow came out to Shepistan's advantage. Quietly, the SIS began installing reflectors on several innocuous government buildings, reflectors that would deliberately redirect the Druga-3's copious emissions towards disliked things, such as flocks of birds (whose internal biological compasses would get screwed up when exposed to the invisible beams, causing them to fly into windows and die - or, sometimes, go berserk and attack people in flocks!), or oceans (causing whales to inexplicably beach themselves), and even other people's embassies.

---------------------------------------------

ForceLord

Central Times HQ, Aurora
Aybeem Sector, The Centrality


"I think you should see this, chief," said the secretary. In her hands was a document titled "TOP SECRET!". "A CIS agent said that it was important."

Chief Editor Ranulph Olderu grabbed the case opened it, and read its contents for half an hour. When he finished, he laughed. He fucking laughed.

"My, my, did Sheppard slip his tounge. Even if he's not serious, I bet there'll be quite a scandal if this is published. I expect an instant increase in sales, up to 100%. Did you ask the agent that what Shep said will be disseminated?"

"Well, yes, and he told me that it was likely that other nations' Intelligence must have found out," she responded.

He then pointed at the secretary. "Get the news out. We'll have Sheppard keep quiet at his bunker for a long time...."

The Central Times

SHEPPARD SAYS HE WILL "OUTLAW" CENTRALITY

By the Editor

It appears Sheppard has lost his head.

CIS agents, who refused to be named for security reasons, intercepted a highly inflammatory comment by General Sheppard, leader of Shepistan, coming from a carrier signal in his presidental studio.

Reportedly he said, "You know, I've got legislation on my desk that outlaws the Centrality forever. We begin planetary bombardment in five minutes."

You can see who are we dealing with, citizens of the Centrality. A destructive madman with a fetish for nukes. More than ever, we must be ready for any further hostility from Shepistan.

And he claimed that the blatant aggression against our embassy was because there was an Amplitur loose there! What a terrible excuse, since it was Shepistan who destroyed the Amplitur race as a credible entity centuries ago! Even if Sheppard was somehow telling the truth, we tell him that he should have been more measured and not act like an paranoid fool. And now he wants to outlaw us.

What will that achieve? Will Shepistan end up outlawed instead? The interstellar community may call us tyrannical, but they see that we at least are pragmatic!
-----------------------------------------------

Big Steve

Palace of Parliament Government Offices, Westminster
New Anglia, Star Kingdom of New Anglia
7 August 3400


"You know, I've got legislation on my desk that outlaws the Centrality forever. We begin planetary bombardment in five minutes."

A long sigh came from Prime Minister Penton as Sir James Bronson hit the key to turn the video off. "They never realized they were still transmitting," Bronson explained. "I imagine a number of SIGINT operations in Montgomery picked it up as well."

"Bloody maniac," Penton said with exasperation. "Lord Prestwick, the Commons have become restless on this issue. This isn't just the usual bad behavior we've had to deal with from these states." The truth was that New Anglia don't particularly care about either the Centrality nor Shepistan; a pack of tyrannical mind-readers on one end and a bunch of bloody, violent thugs on the other, both far from the Empire's frontiers. But an attack on another nation's embassy? A claimed takeover of said embassy by a devilishly powerful psionic race of human-hating insectoids? The entire situation was tricky now. "Either the Centrality ended up host to some form of surviving Amplitur life form or the Shepistanis, being the bloody-minded paranoid thugs they are, overreacted due to an error and murdered en masse the staff and dependents of a foreign embassy, violating millennia of custom and international law regarding the protections of diplomatic staff. This, of course, is not merely casus belli for the Centrality, but a breach of international law that can see every state from here to Nova Atlantis sign on for what would be a bloody and terrible strafexpedition against the Shepistanis... an act of folly if there really are Amplitur out there that would play into their hands."

There were solemn nods. At the time of the Amplitur War New Anglia had been going through the treacherous period of the Dilgrud Wars, either locked in the mortal struggle with that vicious and cruel race when it was at its height or licking wounds and trying to rebuild from the damage caused by the Dilgrud. As such they had not been able to interact with the conflict in any meaningful way though they had sympathized with the plight of the Dominion and Shepistan.

Centuries of brutish behavior, however, had turned that sympathy to disgust. The violent anti-esper fanaticism the Shepistanis especially had picked up as a consequence of the war, and the measures they had taken, turned the Shepistanis from a proud and heroic nation that had fought bitterly to save themselves, and others, from the predations of a vicious and genocidal race into cruel maniacs who stunted the minds of their own children out of an irrational hatred of all Espers. Beyond that, the decline of the Dominion into an insular and xenophobic theocracy with a basket case economy and Shepistan's slide into its current state of being "a military-industrial complex masquerading as a nation" had further colored perceptions of the states, making them backward parochialists who didn't fit into the Anglian views of what it was to be part of civilized, cosmopolitan Galactic Humanity (even the Imperium, with all its pathological hatred of aliens, still knew how to behave toward others, it was often remarked).

That said, Penton and his Cabinet knew they couldn't simply ignore the Shepistani argument. Not if the Amplitur were still out there. "Sources in the Centrality are calling the claim of an Amplitur presence a bald-faced lie to justify, well, one presumes the mass-slaughter of innocent Centralists simply as an act of spite or foaming-at-the-mouth hatred of a 'psyker nation'," Penton remarked openly. "How right are they?"

"As much as the Shepistanis do seem to perform random acts of extraordinary violence for little reason, there is a method to that madness," Bronson observed. "The likelihood of the Shepistanis trying to attack the Embassy for the sheer joy of it or to disrupt the Esper tournament is preposterous. They are, after all, not immune to considerations of risk. They gain nothing that matches the trouble it would cause."

"While an Amplitur infestation is something they might well risk interstellar war to nip in the bud," Tevala said in continuation, showing he was on the same page as Bronson in these considerations. "Which leaves two logical probabilities: the Amplitur are still around, perhaps in small number, and managed to infiltrate the embassy with a deliberate eye toward generating a crisis... or something occurred that made the Shepistanis think an Amplitur was there, and either through miscommunication or deliberate malice on someone's part violence was the result."

"Military considerations or not, Lord Kapana, but we must continue to keep focus on the main issue," Baden-Grey said. "The Shepistanis assaulted a foreign embassy and its inhabitants were wiped out, including the dependents of the personnel. This must be responded to, forcefully."

"What do you say, Randolph?" Penton looked to his Deputy Prime Minister, Randolph Churchill-Hughes, who also held portfolio as the Secretary of State for the Home Office. The stocky, gruff Anglian army veteran gave his attention to Penton. "You have remained quiet on this issue, most uncharacteristically."

"I am not an unbiased observer, sir," Randolph answered. "It is my Office that has had to clean up the mess the blasted Shepistanis made on Pendleton. As far as I'm concerned they are a nation of bloodthirsty lunatics unfit for self-governance." Left unspoken was that Randolph had been the loudest voice for not accepting the Shepistani commitment to the Pendletonian operation in the first place.

Unable to resist the opening, Penton decided to inject humor into the situation. "Perhaps you should introduce to the Commons a Private Member's Bill to outlaw Shepistan then?"

There was laughter from all sources, though Duchess Diane did not look particularly amused. But Penton knew she couldn't help but not be. Her son Edward had just graduated from New Portsmouth and had a commission in the Navy. If there was some sort of war, Eddie Howard might end up in the shooting. "I do apologize for that one," Penton continued. "Anyway, I believe it prudent, given the situation, to recall our embassy staff from Shepistan. After all, if there is risk of Amplitur infestations in Shepistani space, we have to consider the safety of our personnel. Perhaps a group of volunteer officials can remain with Ambassador Philby, but I want as many of our people as possible out of harm's way."

"I'll send the orders immediately,' Baden-Grey said.

-------------------------------------

Simon Jester
MKSheppard wrote:"...that all foreign embassies immediately implement local Blitzschlag fields to prevent a reoccurence of this tragic incident. The Bragulan government has been most helpful in this aspect."
Umerian Embassy to the Shepistani Republic
Day After President Sheppard's Speech


Being one of Shepistan's neighbors, there was no question of the Technocracy's need to maintain an embassy on Montgomery. However, this embassy had to be maintained in the face of the ultraviolent local color, which made for a rather unusual posting from the point of view of Umerian diplomats.

The original Umerian embassy had been accidentally vaporized by a malfunctioning defense missile during the Amplitur War, when a stray NIKE-HERACULES directed by a mind-controlled SHEPRAD defense operator had run out of fuel and crashed ballistically into the building. The Shepistanis had subsequently presented the drooling mindpuppeted vegetable once known as said missileer as evidence, which the Umerians had accepted- especially since they were at the time doing a booming business selling discount plutonium to Shepistan. The War forced the Sheppoes to burn through their massive stockpiles of nukes with unusual speed, after all, and Amplitur saboteurs' had made a painful dent in their own nukefactory facilities.

It was a measure of how desperate the war had been, for at no other time before or since had Shepistan ever been less than fully self-sufficient for its own nuking needs.

After the war, the Umerians rebuilt the embassy in an atmosphere of growing anti-esper paranoia among the Shepistanis. Knowing this, they had gone well out of their way to design the facility as a fortress against psychic intrusion: not so much to defend themselves, as to reassure the twitchy and heavily armed Sheppoes around them.

In particular, the embassy grounds were englobulated by null field projectors built into the embassy's basement. These psi-denial devices were passive in nature, but of great power, and they blocked psychic vibrations along a full thirty octaves of the psychic spectrum, going far beyond the highest and lowest bands used by any esper ever known to man.

The null field projectors were so hard-driven that they even interacted slightly with normal thought, creating a vague sense of numbness. The field also slightly suppressed impulse-control within the zone of effect: intelligence was untouched, but the subjects' restraint decreased markedly.

Normally this would place them beyond the parameters recommended by the Ministry of Welfare, but the Ministry of Foreign Affairs had successfully applied for an exemption. They had argued that the effects were temporary and (in this case) helpful in permitting the embassy staff to fully understand the Shepistani national mindset.

Of course, there was a cost. Those who were normally mentally stable outside the Umerian Embassy tended to be a touch... uncontrolled. Slightly insane, perhaps, but what truly sympathetic person isn't at least a little bit mad? Those who were normally slightly insane tended to become fixated and prone to wild fits of uncontrolled behavior, typically deranged laughter and intense dedication to special projects.

And those who were truly insane were driven beyond insanity into that otherworldly territory found beyond the other side of madness. They became... shroomsane.

It was in this psychological regime that Doctor Sivana spent most of his time these days, and it was in the height of shroomsanity that he greeted the Shepistani inspection team in the embassy lobby.

The Shepistanis had wheeled in a heavy cart, pushed by three men, featuring an emergency mobile Blitzschlag Field Generator. In addition, another team carried PKE devices to detect any unwanted psychic vibrations. The PKE units were tuned so carefully that they were even capable of picking up subtle Feng Shui vibrations from inanimate objects, at least under ideal conditions. Any psykery, or residue of psyker witchcraft, they found in the Umerian embassy would be the subject of a powerful inquisition.

They were met in the lobby by a wrinkled little man with a great beak of a nose. From the look of his face, he was not so much a victim of natural aging as unnatural aging, the effects of unknown and exotic chemical and physical processes on his internal structure. But he appeared to be active and in control of his faculties as he nodded at the Shepistani PSICOP team.

"Greetings. I am Doctor Thaddeus Sivana, SCIENCE! officer for the embassy, here to satisfy you that we are in full compliance with your new requirements... in our own way."

He led them into a room cluttered with various devices of unknown types. "This is my personal laboratory; I have cleared a space for the demonstration. My lovely assistant Andrea will help you connect your Blitzschlag Device into the high voltage power network; the rest of you would be advised to prepare your PKEs to detect Blitzschlag radiations."

Over the next several minutes, the electrical contacts were made. Standing well back, the Shepistanis and Umerians watched as Dr. Sivana threw the massive power switch.
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The effects were... unusual. There was the normal "Wark! Wark!" of all Sheptronics on startup, of course, but the machine soon began straining and vibrating, then let out a dull whine, trying to pierce the impenetrable murk of the surrounding null field. The difficulty of the task was not unlike trying to shine a beam of light through molasses.

Even at full bigawatt-range power consumption, the device's field propagated no more than two meters from the emitter array.

The head of the Shepistani survey team waved his PKE around.

"Well, fuck. I still got nothing. You sure that thing is plugged in?"

Wordlessly, Dr. Sivana opened a cabinet and retrieved a bag of marshmallows. He then tossed one towards the device. On contact, it swiftly caught fire in a crackling electric arc and vaporized, leaving no traces but a thin fog of powdered carbon in the air and a smell of s'mores gone wrong. Then he let out a dry, patronizing chuckle.

"Heh. Heh. Heh. Yes, my friend, I believe it is. As you can see, even at the full output of one gigaschlag, the psychic interference projected by this device penetrates our own anti-psi defenses to only a modest degree. An organic brain, even one of the much-storied power output of the infamous Amplitur, would be still less effective. While it is remotely conceivable that an incredibly powerful biological telepath might achieve limited psychoactive effects while literally in contact with the subject, mind control over such long distance scales as 'the other side of the room' would require mentalic abilities that are nothing short of godlike. The idea of controlling a significant fraction of the staff would be... Heh. Heh. Laughable."

"What if, uh... ah-ha!" The Shepistani was operating at full-out paranoia now, an impressive sight if ever there was one. "What if one of the goddamn craboids grabbed one of your guys, piggybacked on him, and made him go into the generator room and blow it up?"

"What do you think robot minions are for? There are multiple layers of fully automated security systems around the primary generator, armed with sensors and death rays of my own design. There are equally automated cutouts engaging the secondary and tertiary backup generators for just such an emergency! I assure you, our psi-deflector shields will be quite operational should your Amplitur friends arrive. Heh. Heh. Heh." Again, Dr. Sivana let out that irritating, mocking chortle.

"You still gotta have a BFG running."

"Oh, we will, we will! Our own embedded cold-fusion generators are quite capable of handling the additional load, thanks to some... minor enhancements of my own design. It will be somewhat superfluous, much like running your space-heater and your air-conditioner at the same time, but what's a little unnecessary tritium burned between friends, eh?"

"Plus we gotta do PKE scans of the whole place."

"Our technical monitoring staff will be keeping eye out for bugs while you keep an eye out for crabs, of course, but in principle I see no reason why we cannot demonstrate that we have no esper threats to hide from you here..."

"And you gotta follow the import rules."

"Naturally, naturally! The ambassador has informed me that for the duration of the emergency, he is willing to comply with inspection of all shipments to establish that they do not contain inimical life forms, craboid or otherwise. He has also instructed me to mention that the Technocracy offers its assistance in training special craboid-sniffing PUPPERS to assist in this task..."

Having complied with the locals' insistent requirements, the Umerians proceeded to wheel the fully-powered BFG into a disused storage closet and forgot about it entirely. They had other problems...
Shroom Man 777 wrote:But with the Shepistani special request, the Bragulans gladly complied in installing a Blitzschlag Field Generator to their facility. A, as in singular.

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Because, in an exercise of idle curiosity by the local IBGV agents on Montgommery, they took the single BFG, linked it to a PKE, and connected it to the Druga-3 over-the-horizon (OTH) radar powered by a radio-ionic thermonuclear generator (RTG) - thus quadruplicating the combined effectiveness of the TLAs.

By connecting the BFG to the embassy's modest-sized communications antenna (which had the secondary use of cooking any mutant geese in the local aerospace), and combining everything from BFG fields to the transmissions of vacuum tube-powered radios OTH XYZ-band radars, and the gamma ray/x-ray arrays, microwave, miniwave and macrowave and maybe even tidal wave emissions and so on and such forth, the raw power of this frankenstinian electronic warfare array expanded at a geometric rate.

The Bragulans chuckled and laughed boisterously as they began bouncing their transmissions off the electro-ionosphere, directing it over the horizon and shooting arc-beams of invisible cosmic radiation towards other peoples, places and events otherwise uncovered by the Shepistani BFG-grid. A few of the other embassies slow to comply with the Shepistani BFG implementation order were bombarded, such as the Solarian Embassy (if there was one on Montgommery), and those who did not cower in shielded bunkers but instead foolishly wandered around in the open would come to know the effect of what would, in later days, come to be known as the Bragulan Brainpecker. Those fancy shmancy posthumanoids with cybernetics, particularly in their brains, with classy and expensive branded consumer organics and iBrains and such began to experience nausea and vomiting, dizziness and disorientation, vertigo, and severely painful headaches...

In the end, the Shepistani Intelligence Service somehow managed to classify the Bragulan activities and their Druga-3 super-system, keeping it a secret whilst the mass mayhem they caused somehow came out to Shepistan's advantage. Quietly, the SIS began installing reflectors on several innocuous government buildings, reflectors that would deliberately redirect the Druga-3's copious emissions towards disliked things, such as flocks of birds (whose internal biological compasses would get screwed up when exposed to the invisible beams, causing them to fly into windows and die - or, sometimes, go berserk and attack people in flocks!), or oceans (causing whales to inexplicably beach themselves), and even other people's embassies.
Umerian Embassy to the Shepistani Republic
The Day After The Day After The Day After President Sheppard's Speech


Claude Lefebvre of the French Empire had been in the Umerian embassy on Shepistan because of a tricky paperwork problem faced by his export business when the Embassy Incident blew. Shepistani gendarmes had raided the Centralist Embassy, causing massive destruction, and claiming that the Centralists had harbored one of the powerfully psychic Amplitur.

Claude himself did not know what to think. On the one hand, he found the Centrality more than a little disturbing and hostile, somewhat reminiscent of the Prussian League. On the other, it became increasingly plain the longer he stayed in Shepistan that the locals despised all things French, for reasons he did not entirely understand. But in fine Gallic tradition, he shrugged and carried on, regardless of what they thought. Business was business, after all.

Today, when he arrived the Umerian embassy seemed... disturbed. Among other things, there was a great deal of cursing, and many people working in the common areas who he did not normally see. He had dealt with many of their mid-ranking officials for quite some time now, and thus had a good working relationship with them. When he found one of the members of the Ministry of Finance staff otherwise unoccupied in the cafeteria, he sat down to ask a few questions. The Umerian sat up with a start when he saw the Frenchman across from him.

"Whuh- oh, hi Claude!"

"Is it just me, or is everyone troubled lately? Are you worried that the Shepistanis will attack this embassy too?"

"Hmmm. Not really; we passed their inspection tour easily enough. You know how much we turn up the null field here. It gives us much the same degree of security, just through a different technique."

"I suppose you're right." Claude winced and rubbed his scalp; he was told that you got used to the strange feelings created by the hyper-boosted null field bathing the embassy, but it always disconcerted him a little when he noticed it was there. It was like being a little bit drunk, perhaps?

"What's bugging me is that I can't take my hovercar off the embassy grounds: I have to do all my work over the landlines. Everyone else has the same problem."

"Why?"

"Some kind of e-war bombardment. It keeps frying high end electronics, even low-end electronics. A few people who took their flying cars off the embassy grounds when it hit had malfunctions..."

"Ah, yes. I have heard the news too. Spots all over the planet; no one really knows why. There have been reports of a repetitive tapping noise- no, too powerful to be called that..."

"Yeah. We've got a few people on staff with cybernetics or implants; it's hell on them whenever they're off the embassy grounds and this thing fires up."

"But inside the embassy they are safe?"

"Seems like. We've got the SCIENCE! officer working on it."

Hmm. Claude had to admit he was curious. Perhaps these Umerians would be able to tell him more about what was going on? He himself was more than a little concerned about the sporadic transmissions; if one of them struck the warehouses where his own goods were stored, he could be ruined. As yet there seemed no real danger of this, but whatever the threat was, it bombarded civilian areas and foreign embassies seemingly at will. If there was a defense against it, it was no doubt worth some of his time to find out.

To his surprise, Claude had little trouble obtaining access to Dr. Sivana's personal laboratory. As he approached the door, he heard a shout of "Come in, come in!" from inside. A little old man pulled his head from the interior of some large, awkward-looking device he'd been working on.

"Who are you? Never mind. It doesn't matter. Take this hydro-spanner and tighten those bolts- in opposite pairs, mind you; I need a good seal!" There was something in the man's voice that demanded obedience; Claude did so.

A few paces away, another man with a battered face seemed to have been similarly conscripted, working on the far end of the unknown apparatus- though from his lab coat, perhaps the poor fellow worked for the professor all the time. Continuing to work on the bolts without being entirely sure why, he turned his head. "What is going on?"

"We're working on an analyzer to examine those e-war bursts: we call it the Brainpecker. When we get the pan-frequency detectors working, we'll hook it up to a standard antenna-onna-stick and poke it outside next time they hit us. We should at least be able to get patterns and vector from that."

"I see. By the way, my name is Claude."

"Call me... Igor."

There was a spark and a hint of ozone from over where Dr. Sivana was working, but it settled soon enough as the senior Umerian shouted: "Nothing to worry about! I'm all right!"

Igor continued. "Me and Andrea are Dr. Sivana's min- er, students. You?"

"I am just an interested bystander, as it were. What do you know about this 'Brainpecker?'

"Well, the interference damages electronics, suggesting some kind of electromagnetic attack, possibly with minor exotic components. But it also seems to come to a screeching halt when it hits the edge of the embassy null field. That suggests some kind of esper component. That's why we're going to need to modify our antennas, you understand."

So it is the null field that grants protection? Interesting.

The work continued. Dr. Sivana, Igor, Andrea, and now Claude labored mightily to prepare the apparatus: the vacuum chambers, the turbopumps, the electronics, optronics, spintronics, and positronics. Claude was amazed at how fast everyone seemed to be working; even so it was hours before they were ready. And yet he could not compel himself to leave- he was caught up in something larger than himself, some spark of genius at work here...

Finally, one of the embassy security troopers came rushing down the stairs to the lab. She was panting.

"Doctor Sivana! It's starting again!"

"Very well. Claude, Igor, engage the antigravity pallet and bring the main unit along. Andrea, carry the 'scope! To the roof!"

As they emerged, Claude saw something at once beautiful and disturbing: a manmade (alien-made?) aurora. A spherical surface about a hundred meters across, enveloping the embassy grounds, glowed with faint iridescent light, of every imaginable color of the rainbow, and a number that could not be imagined without the aid of powerful drugs.

Dr. Sivana tapped his chin. "Ah, yes. Magnetopsychodynamic ectoplasma discharges. Fascinating. If only I had the proper capture equipment..."

Igor called out "Sir, shall I extend the antenna-onna-stick?"

"Yes! GO!" Claude heard a mechanical rattle as a long telescoping pole with a grid of metal and plastic mesh on the end rose, the heavy piece of equipment they'd assembled attached to it at the base.

Andrea, monitoring the readings on an oscilloscope, called to the doctor as she frantically disconnected wires and inserted an adaptor "Readings are off the scale! Getting a bigger scale!"

"Excellent! Carry on!"

After some minutes, examining his readouts, Dr. Sivana nodded. "Good enough, good enough. Igor, retract the antenna-onna-stick! Andrea, power down the equipment! We have what we need here."

They retreated to the lab to confer, after some minutes' work on the equipment by the minions graduate students. Dr. Sivana was first to speak.

"So the radiation seems to be coming from a point in deep space. Andrea, have your telescopic scans revealed anything along that vector?"

"No, doctor, they haven't. Nothing in visual, IR, or UV on the thirty-centimeter rig, and I haven't tried to turn on the radio detectors with the Brainpecker out there."

Claude leaned over to Igor. "Is the telescope standard gear for your embassies? I had not heard of such a thing in France."

"Oh, no. This is just Andrea's hobbyist rig, you see."

Meanwhile, Dr. Sivana was musing quietly, stroking his chin.

"Hmm. If we see nothing in that direction, then the radiation..."

Claude, caught up in the moment, was quite surprised to hear himself saying "then it must be bouncing to us from somewhere else!"

"Heh. Heh. Heh. Elementary, my dear Francophone, elementary. Now we need only calculate from where..."

Private Laboratory of Dr. Sivana, SCIENCE! Officer for the Shepistani Embassy
Some Hours Later


"So the results then, are conclusive. What we are seeing is a transmitter sited in the region corresponding to the Bragulan Embassy, with many of the typical signatures of Bragulan technology: excessive radiation emissions, high voltage thermionics... hooked up to a Blitzschlag Field Generator. These radiations form a beam which can be reflected off the ionosphere to distant targets all over the planet."

Claude sniffed. "How rude of them."

"Indeed. I am reminded of a petty difficulty once faced by my mentor, Guy de Hatfield."

"I thought you said your mentor was Dr. Murderstein?"

"Oh yes, yes. You see, Doctor Ulrich von Murderstein was my tutor in the ways of SCIENCE! But there were things he could not teach me, lessons he himself had not mastered. And thus, I was forced to go elsewhere, to study under the famed Guy de Hatfield, to master the ways of... dickery."
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(Stick figure by Randall Munroe, here used purely as illustration-of-concept)
Claude did not follow most of Dr. Sivana's explanation, but he thought he grasped the basics.

"So, Doctor, your plan is to take this offensive source of radiations and deliver a riposté tuned to disable it?"

"Hmm. Laughably imprecise, but as good as a non-mathematical description can be expected to be, I suppose. Beyond that, having done so, I intend to deliver a counterattack- not harmful or dangerous, but aimed more at psychological warfare than at anything else. To discourage them from being so indiscriminate in their activity, you see."

"Hmm. Appropriate, I suppose."

"Appropriate... and amusing. Yess... heh. Heh. HEH. HA. BWAAA-HA-HA-HA-HAAA! Igor, fetch the atomic disintegrators! Andrea, the plasma phase inversion tubes! For SCIENCE!"

Bragulan Consulate, Capital Wasteland, Montgomery, Shepistan
The Next Morning


Blargag Brewski looked around the control room at his fellows. "So, comrades, who shall we scramble next?" The Bragtech specialists at the embassy had never had it so good as these last few days. With the addition of the three-letter BFG to their existing passive-aggressive sensors, they had shifted their equipment by three letters too: into massive-aggressive sensors, with which they held the humans of Montgomery in terror... with the full cooperation of the Shepistani government! No one would dare to stop them now...

No answer. He would have to think of something himself. "Hmms. It has been some hours since we last brainpecked the Umerians." The Bragulan senior technican glanced at a Mang in Black from the Shepistani Intelligence Service. The SIS man said nothing for a moment, then adjusted his sunglasses.
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"I am not here. I know nothing of the so-called 'Bragulan Brainpecker.' The SIS knows nothing of the 'Bragulan Brainpecker.' The SIS does not think the Umerians are a bunch of dirty long-haired librul scientists who need to be taken down a peg. The SIS does not think the Umerian embassy needs to be brainpecked."

"I see, comrade MIB-sky. I see. Ho-ho-ho, you should have been born a Bragulan! Even with a puny human brain you can doublethink!" This led to a round of hearty approving laughter among the Bragulans. One of the technicians, feeling a bit excessive, gave the Shepistanimerican a hearty backslap that would normally have spinecrushed him, but the MIB was an enhanced posthuman and thus rode out the blow in good cheer.

"Very well, we shall brainpeck the Umerians! Align the antenna! Fire up the BFG!"

For a few seconds, everything was fine in the control room. Then they heard an ominous hum...

"Sir! Look at the voltage displays!"

The pen and paper recorder was going very wobbly... not good.
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"Check the vacuum tubes! Quickly!"

Junior Cub Scout Technicians with shopping carts full of spare tubes darted between the massive tube banks of the antenna farm, a gigantic building-sized complex. Gatling tube autoloaders were all very well for the Imperial Navy, but here they needed more finesse... hence the cub scouts, whose small size helped them to go and find out what was wrong with the apparatus.

"Cub Scouts report no hardware malfunctions, sir! It must be coming at us from outside, some kind of cascading resonance!" Briefly he considered trying to improvise some kind of anti-mass spectrometer, but that would not work. The ominous hum was growing louder... SHITS! Someone must have spotted their electronic warfare and decided to retaliate with passive-aggressive systems of their own. Not good! Blargag looked over at the MIB.

"Someone is ECMing us back! Do you know anything about this?"

"No, I don't. The Shepistani Republic has authorized no such attack."

"When you say you don't know, do you mean you don't know, or you do know? We need to know! Now!"

"This is a "I really don't know" I don't know." Is that true, or does he actually know and just know that he doesn't want us to know that he knows... no! There was no time for doublethinking, for the ominous hum was getting even louder!

"Sir, the ominous hum is getting even louder! Voltage approaching critical breakdown!"

"SHITS! Get the cub scouts out of there, there's nothing they can do!" The operators transferred their orders through the installation's mighty loudspeakers and klaxons, as the cub scouts scurried for safety. Not a moment too soon, either, for mere seconds after the last Junior Technicians scrambled into their protective little minibomb-shelters, the first vacuum tubes blew out. Showers of broken glass and electrical arcs began jumping across the tube racks, blowing apart even more tubes.

Soon, the failures had claimed countless thousands of the tubes... the Bragulan Brainpecker was off the air for now, its tubes overloaded and destroyed by a reflected phase-inverted version of their own powerful signals. Replacements could be had, but it would take many bear-hours of loyal Cub Scout labor.

Nor was that the worst of it. For soon, from the installation's loudspeakers, came the most horrible music: Umerian psywar broadcasts!

"Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena
Que tu cuerpo es pa darle alegria y cosa buena!
Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena
Heeeeeey Macarena!"


The Bragulans felt... strangely compelled, by some kind of sinister pan-species force. At first they wondered if it was some craboid psyker attack, but it could not be, for they were protected by their psi-disrupting ushankas and psi-detecting killbots! Even so, though, it commanded them! Slowly but surely, they felt the urge to... dance!
It was so un-Byzonic! He was not sure what he was doing, as there was no word for "dancing" in Bragulan Newspeak, but he knew it was wrong. Must... resist... RAAAAGH! There was only one answer, one way to break the spell. As always, the solution lay in Byzon's Little Green Book:

"There are very few human problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives"

"RAAAAGH!" Blargag drew his personal sidearm, a Liberator pistol he had kept with him for years, because of its sentimental value and his fond memories of Lower Middle School. He raised the pistol, and...

BLAM! BLAM!

His bullets found the control room loudspeakers. The horrible music, it stopped!

The technicians stopped their accursed prancing and arm-waving and stood as if dazed at the horror, Blargag rallied them. "You! Shut off the power! And get rifles! Shoot out the speakers down in the tube banks; we must silence these broadcasts! Then tell the Cub Technicians it is safe to come out. We will begin repairs at once..."

SHITS! The damage was all reparable, but their schedule had been set back badly.

Perhaps engaging in electronic warfare with the Umerians so carelessly had been hasty. Theirs was a nation of technocraticoes and mad scienticians- perhaps a formidable foe on the field of electronic warfare...

-------------------------------------------

Lonestar

Press Room
Foreign Ministry Buiding
Chesapeake


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"Alright you bastards settle down, settle down." Foreign Minister Sir Benton Mackaye said to the assembled press. The foreign ministry beat was much sought after for members of the major Newsie Outlets, not the least because Mackaye's low opinion of the press always ensured good soundbites. Mackaye cleared his throat and began reading from a 3x5 card.


"The Grand Dominion congradulates the Shepistani Federation's swift action against the Xenoist Pysker Threat that snuck in through the lackadaisical measures the Centrality took for it's own security. While it is unfortunate that some embassy staff and citizens were killed, the Centrality government is the one who brought this on their own people, not the Shepistani Federation. The Grand Dominion will be adding additional security measures to all foreign embassies, consulates, and legations within Dominion Space. All foreign legation personnel who are pyskers must register with a special office that is being created. In addition, any diplomatic packages that have suspicious readings in regards to pyschic activity will be held and turned back. Do any of you retards have a question? Yes you, the effete Anglian in the back."

"Will there be changes in security at ports of entry for normal travel?"

Mackaye turned back from the podium and looked at the Seal of the Dominion Foreign Ministry behind him. "Whew, for a moment I thought I was at the DPS press conference. Go ask Attorney General Ramierez. Next?" He seemed to point at random into the crowd and a handful of Newsies began to speak at once.

"Well, if you can't figure it out this conference is over. Speak to the press officer." With that Mackaye left the Podium.

----------------------------------------------

Shroom

The New Centrality Embassy, Montgomery
Shepistan


They didn't have much time. The interstellar international community had unanimously denounced Shepistan's violent actions, violent but necessary actions done to ensure homeworld security from the Amplitur menace. The Centrality, the nation whose embassy had to be most regrettably destroyed, had made a list of demands and the damn liberal socialist communist psykerist country was gaining the sympathies of its condescending cockamamie co-communoid conspirators in the likes of Anglia, the Shinra Republic, and those damn slimey Ranoideans, just to name a few. There was international pressure, and in that steaming cauldron-boiler room of cosmopolitics, even Shepistan couldn't help but break a sweat.

It was getting hot, but it was a dry heat.

The Shepistani State Department, led by the Shepistani Secretary of State Hillery Clitnone, knew the odds. With the help of defense analrapists (analysts and therapists in one!) like Bart Blade working furiously at hand-cranked Cunta calculators and charting hastily-made graphs with crayolas, they concluded that they had to appease and placate the international community in order to defuse the tensions and decrease the pressure. Even the ruthless genocidal warmongers knew that war was not desirable. For now.

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Force Lord wrote: 1) They will present us with cold, hard proof that an Amplitur, as they claim, was responsible for the whole crisis.
2) They will rebuild our destroyed embassy, with their own resources, and be responsible for the security of the embassy. For their sake, we will not assign any ESP-capable diplomats and staff to the rebuilt embassy.
3) They will make a promise, both by word of mouth and written, that they will never again pull off such a destructive act, not only to our embassy, but also to all others in Shepistan.
4) They will also promise, verbal and written, to let the ESP Tournament proceed without a hitch and drop whatever destructive plans they have against it.
As much as they hated to, they had to meet the Centrality's demands. However, cold hard proof of the Amplitur's culpability was hard to come by because, due to the Centralite's own blundering incompetence, the creature's infiltration left little traces for forensics to sift through in the embassy's rubble. Not to mention, the thing was still on the loose and had yet to be put down. The State Department could not promise, by word of mouth or written, not to pull off any more such destructive acts, for these and the destructive plans Shepistan had towards the ESP Tournament were not in the State Department's purview - but were that of the SIS and the military high command's. They would have to wait for General Sheppard's word for items #3 and #4, and they also had to wait for the military to haul the Amplitur's corpse for demand #1.

That left item #2. Rebuilding the Centrality's ruined embassy was something the State Department could do by itself independently of the military's hunt for the runaway Amplitur or General Sheppard and high command's command (because if General Sheppard didn't want the embassy rebuilt any rebuilt embassy could just be blown up all over again). The only problem was, this would normally take them some time. Rebuilding an embassy was no easy feat. But they didn't have time. They had to act fast.

One of the perks of being the SecState was in having all sorts of interesting friends, and Hillery Clitnone spared no time in speed-dialing the only man in space who could help the Republic of Shepistan.

"Mabuhay," Hillery said to the telephone receiver, speaking in the native barbarian tongue of the despot she was speaking to. She checked the intergalactic time tables to see what time it was over at his hellhole of a planet. It was morning over there. Good. "Magandang umaga... Ferdinand."

So they appeased one of the Centrality's demands, the reconstruction of their embassy. And they did this in record time, for there was only one power in space that could do such a thing with such speed and viciousness unmatched in the galaxy. A day later, the Centralites would see that their embassy once more stood proudly amidst the wreckage of the old blasted building. It was uncanny, as though the building had never been raided, as though the slaughter of all personnel in it had never happened. For this, both Shepistan and the Centrality had Hillery Clitnone to thank.

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For she had outsourced the speedy reconstruction of the Centrality embassy to none other than the Feelipeenis!

----------------------------------------------

Shep

Vulture Rock Command Bunker
Shepistani Federation


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General Sheppard, now glad to be in the dim lighting of the bunker's military areas looked at the leader of the trio scientists who had come to him.

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"So...tell me why I shouldn't use nuclear depth bombs to destroy crab breeding grounds and eliminate a hiding place for the Amplitur?" asked Sheppard.

"You'd be destroying an irreplaceable genetic reservoir in the Shepistani Crab populace."

Sheppard waved his hands. "So? We can replace them with farm raised clones."

Undaunted, the scientist continued. "And our calculations indicate that sufficient use of nuclear depth bombs would send Montgomery's Ozone layer into remission; it barely has recovered from your authorization of unrestricted anti-geese nuclear warfare almost a decade ago."

"So?" replied Sheppard. "People can wear more clothes or put sunblock on. Animals have fur. Oh sure, there might be a slight increase in eye cancer in animals, but they die before they're that old anyway."

"But," shouted the scientist. "What about the Amphibians! The increased UV radiation would wipe out stocks of the world famous Shepistani Red-throated bullfrog! The tadpoles wouldn't be able to survive the UV bombardment in their ponds!"

Sheppard turned and stared. "What," he said. "Makes you think I give a good god-damn about bullfrogs? We can clone them from specimens in zoos and reintroduce them into the wild later. The goddamn Amplitur must die. There are to be no chances taken in this eradication operation."

Sheppard took a drag off his cigar. "Besides, it's not like any of the wildlife you piss and moan about is actually original. We had to reintroduce almost every goddamn thing in the 2990s on Montgomery after the Amplitur war. What, you didn't notice the fucking wasteland outside on your way here?"

"Sir!" pleaded the scientist. "We don't have that kind of technical know-how to do a project of that scope!"

"Well then," replied Sheppard, a sneer on his face. "It's a good thing we know someone nearby who can do that. You might have seen one of their products in the stores; I understand PUPPERs are a smash hit with all ages."

Results:
Crab breeding grounds destroyed by NDBs. Shepistani Amphibian population plunges due to increased UV emissions. Shepistanis issue contract to Umerians for Genetic engineering to replace craboid and amphibianoid population.

-------------------------------------

Simon Jester
MKSheppard wrote:"Well then," replied Sheppard, a sneer on his face. "It's a good thing we know someone nearby who can do that. You might have seen one of their products in the stores; I understand PUPPERs are a smash hit with all ages."

Results:
Crab breeding grounds destroyed by NDBs. Shepistani Amphibian population plunges due to increased UV emissions. Shepistanis issue contract to Umerians for Genetic engineering to replace craboid and amphibianoid population...

Central Administration Complex
Offices of the Ministry of Ecology


"No. Just NO."

The MiniFine representative was taken aback by that "Ah, are you sure about that?"

"NO. They want to live on a hell-world? They want runaway insect populations and oceans full of poisonous jellyfish? Fine. They can have them. Maybe he can nuke those too, and by the time he's done the whole planet will be one nice even billiard ball like he deserves. And then maybe he can watch the atmosphere balance spiral out of control and have his own capital melt in a runaway greenhouse effect. Or maybe go the other way- continental firestorms from oxygen surplus. Either way, I will watch and I will fucking laugh."

"That sounds a little harsh. Besides, you know he'll just contract to someone else."

"Fine. He can go to the Dominion. He can go to the NenAltKik. He can go to Tianguo. Or he can go to Hell. But he can't go here, not on my watch. Not when he's shooting holes in his own feet and then comes crying to us to kiss it and make it better."

"So you're certain about this, ma'am?" For a moment, there was no reply. The Second for Ecology looked away, at something on her desk. A teacup. Which was coming to a very fast boil, come to think of it...

Okay, so her not looking at me is a good thing.

"Yes, Tola, I'm certain. Tell Rafe I'm sorry, but this is a bad idea for so many reasons- trust me, I've seen it before and anyone who gets involved with Shepistan when things are like this is going to end up sorry for it."

"..."

The set of her jaw relaxed, and what was left of the tea stopped boiling. "Tola, I may be mad but I can still think. The bottom line looks good, but it always does. You know how business in Shepistan winds up with unexpected delays, and over budget? Even when it's military hardware, something they're good at? Trust me, if we get sucked into this, any profit they promise us on the deal will vanish, and we'll be left cleaning up the stains on their planet from the last nuke party."

"I still think..."

"I know. How do you think I feel? I grew up on Montgomery. Part of me would like to do it to, just so someone gives a damn about the state of those planets. But... NO. We are not responsible for their Hyperfund sites."

Results:
Under current leadership, it will be a cold day on Mercury before the Ministry of Ecology does the real work to repair self-inflicted nukewounds on Montgomery while the Sheppo military-industrial complex kicks back and pays for it by exporting more nukes or whatever.
"If scientists and inventors who develop disease cures and useful technologies don't get lifetime royalties, I'd like to know what fucking rationale you have for some guy getting lifetime royalties for writing an episode of Full House." - Mike Wong

"The present air situation in the Pacific is entirely the result of fighting a fifth rate air power." - U.S. Navy Memo - 24 July 1944
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MKSheppard
Ruthless Genocidal Warmonger
Ruthless Genocidal Warmonger
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Re: SDNW4: War on Crabs (56k Die)

Post by MKSheppard »

Shroomy
MKSheppard wrote:Results:
Crab breeding grounds destroyed by NDBs. Shepistani Amphibian population plunges due to increased UV emissions. Shepistanis issue contract to Umerians for Genetic engineering to replace craboid and amphibianoid population.
Gayte Gulf, Montgomery
Shepistan


5... 4... 3... 2... 1...

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The mushroom cloud rose high into the sky, tall and imposing like an engorged nucleonic member. As it was an underwater detonation, the blast cause the very oceans to erupt, spewing white foamy liquids and vaporized steams into the vast firmament above them in an ejaculation of mighty atomic violence. This was one of the crab breeding grounds of Montgomery, favored by the crabbers and fishermengs for the quality of crustaceans harvested there. They had protested this affront, this unnecessary vaporization of their livelihood. For suspected sympathies towards the Amplitur menace, and because their livelihood necessitated them to sail to waters uncovered by BFGs thus making them prime candidates for psychokinetic subversion, they were shot to a man. Other suspected suspects were renditioned, to be either detained in a Shepistani SIS blacksite in the Feelipeenis, or outright handed over to the Bragulans for more thorough 'processing'.

So it was that the once pristine waters of the Gayte gulf became a wretched brisket stew of floating fishies, deadened by the blast overpressure. At the same time, fragments and pieces and chunks of corals and sea creatures began to rain from the heavens. The vaporized water turned into a fine mist, and as the light refracted from the suspended droplets, a beautiful rainbow arced above them all, above even the mighty mushroom cloud. It was... it was beautiful.

"Well... that's a wrap," said a Shepistani officer, marveling at the sight of sheer marine mutilation they had done then and there. To shield his eyes from the harsh sunlight, as well as from the nuclear flashout, he wore Gay-Ban sunglasses. Shepistani Gay-Bands were the most sought after sunglasses in the galaxy, for they were rated to polarize and protect eyes not just from UV radiations, but also the flash of nuclear detonations. All Shepistani military personnel had Gay-Bans. "Crab site secured. That's the last one."

"Damn shame, I liked crab legs. Guess we won't have any of those anymore, since we just killed all the crabs. Am I rite?"

"Shut up, Strak," the officer growled.
***
Guess we won't have any of those anymore, since we just killed all the crabs. Am I rite? that haughty proclamation echoed through the depths of the seas. Guess we won't have any of those anymore, since we just killed all the crabs. Am I rite?

Guess we won't have any of those anymore, since we just killed all the crabs. Am I rite?

A voice growled back from the black abyss of Shepistan, the very ocean's heart of darkness. It pronounced but one word.

Wrong.
***
The Shepistani ship was long, hard and full of seamen. Thus when the long shaft-like vessel went to its home port, it docked with a wide-open circular bay. Then it disgorged its seamen. Inside the bay.

Sergeant Hudson Strak was relishing his shore leave. He planned on getting laid by one of those mail-ordered Feelipeena whores serving in a brothel right outside the base, which was pretty fitting since the place, Gayte Gulf, was also named after some place in the Feelipeenis where the Shepistani Navy destroyed a hueg Japanistani fleet and won the war (and after that, Shepistan would eat up Japanistan and they would both become superbestfriends forever with the Japanistanis providing cheapo electronics and cars).

But first he had to meet his physiologic needs. He was hungry, and it was only fitting for him to go to a seaside restaurant and order some crabs before potentially getting crabs from some Feelipeena hooker. Now that they had extinctified the entire crab population of Shepistan, or were in the process of doing so, eating what could possibly be the last crab on Shepistan was something he had to do. It was one for the history books!

Apparently, everyone else had the same idea as Hudson Strak and everyone else in the restaurant was stuffing their faces with crabs too.

"What a bunch of fatties," Strak said under his breath. He got his order of crabs and began smashing it with a mallet, in order to break the shell and eat the succulent meats inside it. It was strange, using a mallet. Was it a traditional Feelipeeni custom, because this was a traditional Feelipeeni restaurant? Or did they just run out of nutcrackers because all those fatties were also eating crabs? "Fucking fatties."

He was in the process of smashing his crab open with an eating stick when he heard a shrill scream of pure unadulterated horrer. He did a spittake, which was remarkable because he hadn't even gulped any of the ice cold Shroom Miguel Feelipeeni beer yet, which meant that he was doing a spittake with his own saliva coming out of his nose. Oh man!

He bolted out of his table and drew his sidearm while also holding his crab mallet in his other hand, brandishing it like a weapon.

"What's going on?!" he demanded.

"The horrer!" the bestricken woman pointed out to the window. Everyone in the restaurant looked out to the shoreline and saw what she saw. They made a collective gasp of pure unadulterated, "Horrer...!"

There on the shoreline was a red mass. The sands were all covered in wretched chitinous clawed and carapaced crawling creatures creeping up from the waters and to dry land. It was moving towards them.

Sergeant Strak thought quickly and put on his Gay-Bans. Not only could they protect eyes from UV radiation, which was important since Operation Blow Up The Ocean had once again depleted the ozone layers, not only could it polarize and shield the eyes from nuclear flashouts, but it could also zoom in like a macroscope! The more expensive versions even had X-ray vision! So Sergeant Strak zoomed in and intensified the magnifications, and he saw the true form of that crimson tide coming forth towards them.

"No... it can't be."

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But it was.

Those who were sunbathing by the beach, taking the opportunity ozone layer depletion presented itself to bask in even more UV rays to work up their tan even more despite the carcinogenic nature of sunlight, were the first victims. The crabs came and conquered. They scuttled up towards these people and attacked them viciously, clawing at them with their claws, biting at them with their mandibles, all whilst glaring at them with all the harshness of their inhuman compound eyes. Yes, while one crab was no match for a largish semi-muscular human being, a full ten thousand of them working as one to kill a single man was more than enough. Like army ants disemboweling a felled beast to the bone, so too did these tiny enemy crabs work by clawing off the facial features of the beach goers, these beaches. Men, women, children, all wretched humans. The crabs had been compelled by an irrational force and driven from their normal biological rhythms and patterns, and now they migrated to dry land not to mate or spawn or feed, but to kill. An irrational hatred for human beings had been implanted within their primitive invertebrate brains, and they exacted this command with all the uncompromising willingness of the simple biological killing machines they were.

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"They're coming out of the water! They're coming out of the goddamn water!" Sgt. Hudson Strak screamed to his radio. Reinforcements were en route, but most of the troopers had taken their shore leave opportunities to go to the brothels near the base, so mobilization would take some time. Shit. He looked out the window with his Gay-Bans and saw that the humongous craboid mass had surrounded their restaurant. Somehow, someway, while they had been dining on their crabs unaware, the crabs had been crawling closer and closer, fully intent on dining on them. By the time they had noticed the crabs coming, it was too late, they were surrounded. Those who tried to run, who got in their cars, were consumed because the damned things were already there, waiting for them.

"No, these are not Amplitur. At least, not adults. Maybe they're larva. But they look like... they look like normal crabs. And they're attacking us! Fuck!" Strak shouted. A chef ran out of the kitchen, screaming because a crab had latched on to him and was using its pincers to strangle him. Strak ran to the chef and smashed the crab to pieces with his stick. Another saucier ran out, in a similar predicament, but a stupider restaurant patron used a butcher's knife rather than a mallet - and instead of smashing the crab, he missed and his knife went into the saucier's throat instead! Strak cursed and continued barking to his radio. "I repeat! These are not giant enemy crabs! Negatory! These are... tiny enemy crabs!"

The saucier with a slit throat collapsed to the ground, blood gushing from his neck. The crab that was on him, satisfied in a job well done, crawled away to find a new victim. Strak blew it away with his service pistol. Then he grabbed the stupid restaurant patron's knife away and punched him in the face.

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"Put pressure on his throat!" Strak said, pointing to the bleeder. Then, he faced the rest of the restaurant patrons, those fatties who had been busy eating crab meat - just like him. "Alright, listen up! I've radioed HQ but reinforcements are still en route. So we have to make a stand, right here and right now. There are too many crabs out there. They've blocked the exits. They're in the cars. So we can't run. We can't hide either, cause they're gonna come in here AND THEY'RE GONNA GET US!"

He capitalized those words to hammer the point through. Now they'd listen to him, they'd have to.

"So we're not going to run, we're not going to hide. We're going to fight!" he said, thrusting his chest forward and raising his chin, while brandishing his sidearm and his mallet for them all to see. "Grab whatever weapons you can find. Improvise. Use knives, sharp sticks. Mallets. Fire extinguishers. Forks. Sporks. Boiling water. Anything."

They prepared for the war. But little did they know that war had come to them.

Hundreds upon hundreds of crabs had gathered. Somehow directed by a malignant alien intelligence, they accumulated to the doorways and vents and other entry areas. There were so many of them that, eventually, through sheer weight the doors broke down and then they scuttled inside the restaurant. But the defenders were ready.

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"Here they come!" Hudson Strak yelled. "Kill em! KILL EM ALL!"

The bar patrons all drew forth their weapons. Everyone in the room was armed, even the children. Some had shotguns, some had handguns, some had Ocelot revolvers, a few even had M2411s, and an old geezer had somehow managed to produce a massive Bragnum 44mm. At this sight, the crabs hesitated momentarily, as though collectively gulping upon seeing so many firearms arrayed at them. But then, for these were not creatures of the earth, not of land or of the air, but foul beasts of the deepest depths, they attacked without fear or any other emotion known to both mankind and the denizens of the animal kingdoms' myriad chordatas.

The bullets tore furrows into the red waves of craboids. But for each dozen crabs brought down by Shepistani Special Pistol rounds, two dozen more swarmed forth. The room was filled with the deafening noise of gunfire, sirens and screams. The sound of shells cracking and popping, the rattle of spent casing falling to the floor, emptied magazines discarded, clips shoved back in, slides pulled, safeties deactivated, rounds chambered, and the resumption of the furious fusillade of fire.

Then there was silence. Not because the crabs had stopped, but because there were more crabs than the people had bullets - they had run out of bullets, but the crabs had not run out. Of crabs, which were still aplenty. They again regarded the humans coldly with their compound eyes, as though mocking them and chastising them for their futile resistance. Then, once more did the crimson tide beat against the jagged rocks of human resistance.

The humans resignedly discarded their firearms. But then -

"On my command!" Hudson Strak shouted with all the authority of a Roman general of the Felix Legions. "UNLEASH HELL!"

On cue, old ladies hobbled forth and sprayed the nearest of the craboids with the fire extinguishers. The subzero carbon dioxide, the frigid foam, and the halon gas petrified the cold-blooded crustacean creatures, leaving them open for the men who moved upon them like a phalanx and began smashing the frozen crabs to tiny icy bits. Then they withdrew and the shield bearers, who used the tables to form a barrier, ran up and smashed the crabs aside. Again, the cycle was repeated when the women returned to douse the craboids with liquid nitrogen. Spear-bearers, with knives and forks tied to chair legs, then began stabbing the creatures while mallet-bearers mashed them up. Then the shields came up again, and the attackers withdrew. Waiters and waitresses brought fresh water and foods and wine to them, so they could eat and drink and regain energy before once more returning to the fray.

But what were few dozen men compared to the inexorable might of the craboids, ten hundred thousand million strong? It was good that the restauranteurs had had a hearty breakfast, for tonight they most certainly would dine. In hell.

The makeshift shields finally broke, while the chairleg spears snapped, and the blades grew dull, and the mallets likewise shattered after one too many batterments. After a long and grueling ordeal, the men, women and children had been exhausted - while the crabs were relentless in their lack of relentation. The formation broke, the phalanx dissolved. Some of the older women collapsed, their thigh bones dislocating from their hip replacements, they fell and moaned and groaned and begged for mercy. Some tried to help them, to drag them before they were washed away by the waves of red pincer and claws. But it was for naught. The claws began to tear at their senile skins, clamping on the wrinkles and using the leverage to basically peel the flesh off their old beaten bodies. They howled in pain as the crabs did so, and as the geriatrics thrashed and screamed, the crabs were eerily silent in doing their evil work.

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The ground went red. Not only was there blood, but it was filled with innumerable tiny crablings. So many that they carpeted the whole floor, crept up the peoples' legs and dived into their orifices to consume the succulent flesh within their bodies.

As he watched his legion collapse all around him, as he listened to the screams and cries, something inside Sergeant Hudson Strak snapped. He brandished a frying pan and a spatula and began slaying as many of the beasts as he could. Then he screamed, challenging them all in mortal combat.

"Come on! Come on! Come and get it, baby! Come on! I don't got all day! Come on! Come on! Come on you bastard! Come on, you too! Oh, you want some of this? Fuck you!"

He flailed blindly and madly, smashing countless creaturoids in his incomprehensible rage. It was this sensation of human outrage, the sheer emotionality of it, that distinguished man from the soulless craboid beasts that died by the score at Hudson Strak's hands. With each monster destroyed, he shouted for all to hear mighty fighting words dedicated to those who fought with him and who succumbed to the ravagements of the craboids, he dedicated his words to the victorious dead.

"WHO KNEW!" he screamed at the top of his lungs as he stomped a crab and smeared it underfoot.

"AM I RITE?!" he asked the hatchlings as he took a dead woman's hairspray can, and a candle that lit a now-dead couple's dinner date, and fashioned a flamethrower with which to burn the baby craboids. They replied to him by making popping sounds as their entrails erupted within their carapaces.

"I'M A SMARMY ASSHOLE!!!" he roared as he spilled a whole vat of cooking oil on the crabs, who writhed as they were deep fried. In doing so, he had burned his hands while handling the vat. Oil had also spilled on his arms. Hudson Strak screamed as the surviving crabs took this opportunity and ganged him, their pincers clawed at his burned arms and began peeling off the blistered skin. This autoexcruciation was pain unlike any he had ever felt. "FATTY NERDS ARE LAME!"

With his arms crippled, he had no choice but to attack with his face. He confronted a massive spider crab that had traveled all the way from the Laurentian Abyss just to challenge him. He confronted it and headbutted it, slamming his head against its shell again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again. The skin of his forehead was torn, bloodied and bruised, but he prevailed as in the enfuryment of his blows the crab's own shell was smashed into a liquefied pulp.

Lobsters, with their massive claws, clamped hard at Strak's ankles and he fell to the floor. Then the hundreds of crabs descended towards him, intent on finishing it all.

And then everything exploded. Everything, up to and including the crabs all around him.

COMMUNIST THREAT DETECTED! a mechanical voice boomed. BETTER DEAD THAN RED!

Large metal hands plucked the injured Strak off his crucible and placed him on the safety of a steel shoulder.

"What? Strak babbled incoherently.

COMMUNIST THREAT DETECTED! BETTER DEAD THAN RED! the umistakable sound of an atomic deathray could be heard, followed by what could only be the noise of the entire restaurant - and the crabs inside it - exploding in a micro-nuclear explosion. HAIL FREEDOM. HAIL DEMOCRACY. HAIL THE SHEPISTANI REPUBLIC.

Strak opened his eyes and saw his saviors.

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The FREEDOM PRIMES had arrived. These were special operations variants, the robots that had more than what met the eye because they could go in disguise. They could reconfigurate themselves into seemingly ordinary vehicles to roll out on wheels that would propel them faster than legs could. Then, upon entering the combat zone, they would transform and maximize, assuming their combat modes.

The FREEDOM PRIMES were hastily deployed. They were easily reprogrammable for this mission. The crabs were all red. Communists were red. One of the pre-programmed FREEDOM PRIME subroutines was to automatically track and destroy anything colored red, because they were programmed to destroy any and all communists - and now crabs were also communists, together with the color red!

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COMMUNIST THREAT DETECTED! BETTER DEAD THAN RED! the FREEDOM PRIME declared as it vaporized a whole hive cluster of craboids.

COMMUNIST THREAT DETECTED! BETTER DEAD THAN RED! a second FREEDOM PRIME declared as it vaporized a car that had the color red.

COMMUNIST THREAT DETECTED! BETTER DEAD THAN RED! then it vaporized a house that had been painted red.

An innocent bystander in a red shirt ran screaming from the crabs.

COMMUNIST THREAT DETECTED! BETTER DEAD THAN RED! an atomic beam vaporized the crabs that were chasing him.

COMMUNIST THREAT DETECTED! BETTER DEAD THAN RED! an atomic beam vaporized him too.

Another person, in a red shirt that also had stripes of white and blue - the flag of the Shepistani Republic - was detected.

COMMUNIST THREAT... NOT DETECTED.

"Oh God, I was so scared! Thank you!" the woman cried.

MADAM YOU HAVE SUFFERED AN EMOTIONAL SHOCK I WILL NOTIFY A CRAB CRISIS CENTER

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LIVE from Montgomery, Shepistan

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BOOMBERG TELEVISION

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It's morning again in Shepistan! We're here, live from Montgomery, Shepistan, thirty nine hours a day, nine days a week to give you the latest news in the Republic. This is just in, breaking news from Gayte Gulf, we've received reports that the town has suffered a massive attack believed to be of Amplitur origin. Casualties number in the hundreds, dead and wounded, with the bodies piling up every minute... The government response has been to deploy FREEDOM PRIME killbots against the Amplitur threat for maximum damage. We're going to show some life footage of Gayte Gulf to you now. If you have any children watching, you may want to change channels. Viewer discretion is advised.

COUNTLESS CRABOID CREATURES GRIP GAYTE GULF

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A scene of carnage grips Gayte Gulf today as thousands upon thousands, possibly millions, of crabs crawled from the depths of the ocean to attack the township's human population. Men, women, children, none were spared from the callous crustaceans' onslaught. It seems as though the atrocious Amplitur had anticipated the actions of the military as Operation Blow Up the Ocean failed to achieve the complete eradication of Montgomery's crab population. Now, the townsfolk of Gayte Gulf pay the price as they are forced to evacuate their once beautiful town, their homes now infesterized by the craboids. The military has enacted a quarantine zone with FREEDOM PRIME killbots vaporizing anything caught red-clawed, while decontamination teams systematically burninate the town's ruins to cleanse the area of any craboid egglings.

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Meanwhile, the survivors of Gayte Gulf have been transfered to New Moarlean's Duper Dome for temporary housing and shelter. There in the makeshift shelters of the Duper Dome, the conditions are deplorable, as the standard hardened underground bunker shelter facilities with all the requisite amenities are currently occupied by higher priority inhabitants - namely the military's nuclear warhead reserves, which are so numerous that they are now also being stored in fallout shelters originally meant to house lower-priority civilians.

Everyday the Duper Dome grows more crowded as people from other small coastal towns are herded to its crammed confines. The military has reason to believe that more craboid attacks may be on the way, and other outlying coastal towns have been evacuated and fortified in anticipation of another repeat of the great Gayte Gulf crab battle.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO LEARN MORE?



Ladies and gentlemen, this is just in. General Sheppard will make a live televised address to the nation in response to the recent events. This must be very important! We'll have to interrupt the scheduled program for...


GENERAL SHEPPARD'S STATE OF THE REPUBLIC ELOCUTION (SORE)

TRANSCRIPT OF GENERAL SHEPPARD'S SPEECH

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"My fellow Shepistanimericans. Today we face a great and terrible threat. The shortsightedness of the Centrality regime has brought this threat upon our doors. Their fault has led to the shedding of Shepistani blood. But this cannot stand. No more, no longer, no way, Jose!

We must finish what we began with the regrettably necessary destruction of the Centrality embassy. We must bring this vicious circle to a close. We must destroy the psykerist menace that continues to flaunt its very existence in our faces, this vile psionic thing that continues to attack us from both without and within.

Again, more regrettably necessary destruction must be had, but now it shall not be our towns or our people who shall be destroyed - but
theirs. Shepistan will not abide the psyker, not in any shape, size, form, or specie. They are all enemies of the Republic.

As such, by the authority vested in me by the Shepistani Republic, I declare war."


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--------------------------------

RogueIce

Midgar, Shinra Republic - Shortly After the Shepistani Declaration of War

President Cid Shinra was watching the latest from the Esperlympics when a military aide burst into the room.

"Sir, the Republic of Shepistan just declared war!"

"Upon who, Colonel?"

"Well, um... They didn't actually say, Mister President."

Cid Shinra was rendered speechless for a full thirty seconds. "They... They didn't say against who?"

"No, Mister President. They just declared war. Specifically, General Sheppard personally declared war on a national broadcast."

"But he neglected to say against whom," President Shinra replied quietly. "Well then. Until we know more, there's not much to be done. Make sure to contact our allies and those nations with who we are friendly in the area around Shepistan. We're far enough away that a mobilization should not be necessary at this time."

"Yes, Mister President."

"Oh, one more thing. Have a message prepared to Shepistan. Politely inquire as to just who they declared war against. We would be most curious to know."

"Of course, Mister President." The President and the colonel could have almost laughed at the absurdity of the situation, if it were not for the fact that Shepistan's idea of war would almost certainly entail large amounts of dead sentients.

-----------------------------------------

Shroomy

LIVE from Montgomery, Shepistan

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BOOMBERG TELEVISION

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Shepistani stocks reached their lowest point yet with the announcement of tariffs by the Nova Atlantean Commonwealth, which was followed by a wave of similar tariffs by small-to-medium star nations following the Commonwealth's lead. The embassy bombings and the subsequent events after it have alarmed investors in and around the Loin Stars and the Spin Zone area. Shepistani stocks are at the lowest point in twenty five years. The Grand Dominion, which has significant stakes in the Shepistani market as Shepistan's biggest trading partner in the Loin Star region, may also be adversely affected by these recent developments.

These tariffs on Shepistani goods such as rubiconium and enriched nuclear materials may be a boon for other vegemite and nuclear materials exporters such as the Technocracy of Umeria and the Prussian Star League, Shepistan's primary competitors in the rare space minerals (RSM) markets. Bragulan vegemite stocks have also risen, though not as much as the Spin Zone RSM exporters, on account of their distance and place in the Koprulu Zone. The Umerian Ministry of Ecology's refusal to accept the Shepistani contract for environmental refurbishment, on the other hand, has been most beneficial to the NenAltKik dinosaurian international genetics companies.

On a minor good note for the Shepistanis, the New T'au Conclave of Ethereals' advocation of a boycott against Shepistani manufactured products has caused an inversely proportional response from the Byzantine Imperial Orthodox Church with the Patriarch calling for all practitioners of the Imperial Orthodox faith to purchase more Shepistani manufactured products to defy the will of the foul grey-skinned Tau xenos. This has led to record profits on part of several Shepistani convenience store chains with branches in Byzantium, such as 9/11, as well as record purchases of the Shepistani Fingolnger - particularly the new Byzantium-only edition Finglonger called the Fingolfinglonger. The Bragulan Star Empire has also attempted to offset the Shepistani economic woes by increasing their purchases of Shepistani military-grade sonic-electronic ball breakers while simultaneously lowering the price of papers sold to Shepistani graph-makers.

However, despite the anti-Tau countermaneuver by the Byzantines, and the Bragulan Star Empire's financial support of their allies, Shepistan is still in dire economic straits. Their rivals seem poised to take advantage of the situation, and even Shepistan's most virulently loathed fastfood chain - McNamara's - is making in roads in the Wild Space and small-to-medium star-nation markets.

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Robert Space Satan McNamara

One of the most devastating blows this economic downturn has had is that due to the stiff competition by McNamara's, Shepistan's own beloved fastfood chain McDonalds Douglas has been forced to stop production of its XBOX-70 VALKYLIE MINOGUE happy meal with miniature spring-loaded JDAMRAAMLRSLBM9F-117/11 - the favoritest happy meal of children throughout Shepistan.

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Simon Jester
Shroom Man 777 wrote:Again, more regrettably necessary destruction must be had, but now it shall not be our towns or our people who shall be destroyed - but[/i] theirs. Shepistan will not abide the psyker, not in any shape, size, form, or specie. They are all enemies of the Republic.

As such, by the authority vested in me by the Shepistani Republic, I declare war."


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New Athens Naval Base
Sector X-6
Shortly After General Sheppard's Broadcast


The klaxons were sounding throught the system. Every facility in the navy yards, every ship in the fleet, broadcasted the same two messages.

Aboard the fleet, the defense gun platforms, the planetside defense batteries: "General quarters. General quarters. All hands, man your battle stations."

At the shipyards, the space stations, another message: "All personnel review evacuation plans. Possible war emergency, condition orange. Invasion possible."

On the planet New Athens proper, aerospace traffic control frantically waved traffic out of now-unsafe corridors, to leave clear space for the theater shields over the planet's major arcopolises and industrial facilities. The population wasn't evacuated to the deep shelters yet, but if long range scans showed a Sheppo fleet inbound, they'd be starting on the way in minutes.

Titan-class Dreadnought USS Prometheus
Flagship 11th Fleet
New Athens System


Sector Admiral Tomi Lappalainen sat like a rock in his command chair. Looks like this could be the big one. He grunted. "Prerana, latest from DEW?"

"Nothing, sir. But... we don't know how close they could sneak heavy units for a pre-positioned strike."

It ought to be physically impossible for them to move anywhere within six hours of us without our noticing, but they might know something we don't. Well, Prerana would alert him to anything unusual.

Eleventh Fleet was the largest single concentration of firepower in Umeria, one of the two "Monolith buster" formations MiniSec had assembled starting in February. With eight dreadnoughts, six battlecruisers, their screen elements, and the attached Fourth Intervention Task Force, Lappalainen was the Technocracy's first line of defense against Sheppo aggression, until other fleet formations could come up from deeper in Umerian space.

And after that broadcast earlier, he fully expected to see the Iron Bitch come roaring out of hyperspace at him any time now, with a full battlefleet in tow. He had a nice warm reception ready for her; as far as he was concerned, nothing this side of the Koprulu Zone said hello quite like sixty Mark Fourteens with a side order of torpedoes.

Meanwhile, USS Hornet, the fleet carrier attached to his flagship's division, was performing practice launches of fighters, to make sure everything was ready- routine protocol under these conditions.
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Myrmidon-class Dreadnought USS Grenadier
Flagship 14th Fleet
Hemings' Star, Sector X-7


Fleet Admiral Daiyu Kang paced back and forth across her flag bridge- a quirk her staff had gotten used to; she could hardly abide immobility. Going into combat was one thing; she'd strap in then if need be. But for some reason she always thought better when she moved around, except when events were positively racing.

"George, give me an update on the status of the system control groups; is Ferrara mobilizing them?"

Whether she'd be pulling those dispersed formations in on her own position- or pulling them along in her wake- would depend on a lot of factors, many hard to estimate. If the balloon went up, would she get the go code to invade the Feelipeens and burn out the Sheppo fleet bases at Bark and Pubic Bay? Or would she be directed to coreward to reinforce Lappalainen? It all depended on the Sheppos' fleet movements.

She needed to know more, more!

"Hugo, talk to the ELINT cutters, tell them to set up for deep space search in support of the DEW sensors. Focus on the Great Northern Run and the Saurian Way." It wouldn't give them much more data than the system's own passives, but it'd be better than nothing...

What the hell is Sheppard up to?

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Fingolfin

Orthodox Times
Premier Newspaper for news in the Orthodox Christian World

Ecumenical Patriarch Gregorios Innokenti declares that killing and eating Ampliturs grants one immediate entrance into Heaven

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Ecumenical Patriarch Gregorios Innokenti declared in a recent sermon that killing and eating Ampliturs will grant one immediate entrance into Heaven. He declared, "In the Name of the God Emperor of Terra, I decree that eating crabs and associated species will grant one extra graces. If one were to kill and eat an Amplitur, he is immediately granted entrance into heaven. We must stand with our Shepistani brothers against this old xeno menance, and crush them mercilessly." This decree was issued likely in response to the recent declaration of war by the Shepistan General Sheppard. The rabidly xenophobic Gregorios Innokenti is known to espouse with great rigour the Doctrine of Human Superiority where all xenos will either be exterminated, reared as pets such as Bragulans, or reared for food. He is a known connoisseur of Amplitur crab meat, though the source of this meat is relatively unknown and might well be Bragulan in origin.

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Shep

Vulture Rock

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General Sheppard stood once before the cameras.

"As president of the Shepistani Republic, I categorically deny all allegations that we are behind the recent troubles that the Centrality's ESPerlympics is encountering."

"Seriously, people." sighed Sheppard. "You expect me to believe that we sent toys to the Centrality as part of our evil plot? If we were behind it, we would have sent something a bit more lethal, like nuclear weapons."

"However, since there seems to be an interest now in the Centrality in Shepistani toys; we are more than happy to arrange for future shipments."

Sheppard shuffled some more papers, and then almost as an afterthought added:

"It has come to my attention that certain star nations are...overreacting to our re-declaration of war against the craboid psionist menace that even right now is threatening Geyte Gulf with their slimy carapices."

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Shroom

POLICY OF UMERIA PERTAINING TO POTENTIALLY ENHANCING RELATIONS WITH SHEPISTAN (PUPPERS)
PUPPERS OFFICE AND KENNEL ESTABLISHMENT (POKE)
MONTGOMERY OVERSEAS NEONATORUM (MON)


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The PUPPERS POKE Montgomery Overseas Neonatorum (MON) was where the Umerians manufactured their PUPPERS and stored them until they reached maturity. While the Ministry of Ecology, MiniEcho, under the auspices of Dr. Susie, originally fabricated the PUPPERS in Umeria and shipped them to Shepistan, the good people at the Ministry of Finance, MiniFine, thought it would be more cost-effective to do the fabrication in-situ at Shepistan proper. Of course, Dr. Susie fought tooth and nail against this, owing to her pathological hatred for her own home country, but eventually the bean counters at MiniFine triumphed. Her grumblings were soothed by the illustrious Dr. Maxim Chernov from the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, MiniFor, and his friends from MiniDat, who showed in their datas, datums, datii, statistics and graphs, that it was unlikely that the Shepistanis would do anything untoward towards the PUPPERS and would in fact appreciate it if the Umerians placed the PUPPERS plant at Shepistan (so they could get more puppies faster).

After all, they reasoned, what harm could there possibly be in making the PUPPERS at Shepistan proper? Shepistanis loved the PUPPERS, canines were practically one of the only animals protected by Shepistan's animal cruelty and animal rights laws (along with a few other furry woodland creatures that had a soft spot in General Sheppard's cruel black heart, for his love for doggies was a trait he shared with other historic figures, like Adolf Hitler). They had laws for those who would harm doggies. In fact, they treated their dogs better than they treated certain subsets of their human population, specifically their psyker population - who didn't even count as humans in the Shepistani constitution, known as the Sheparticles of Colonization.

So, what could possibly go wrong, right?

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Wrong.

The evil of the Amplitur knew no bounds. Within its refrigerated icebox, it focused its psionic powers and levitated itself into the PUPPERS POKE MON. Today was Sunday and most of the employees had taken the day off. Many of the systems were automated, including the feeders, so they could leave the newborn PUPPERS alone for an entire day without worry. As the Amplitur floated into the compound, its modified null-fields began actively interfering with the mild security systems in the facility, mostly blocking it from the surveillance cameras, turning it into an indeterminate blur. It had extended its null-field into a bubble, covering a wide radius outside its icebox. Within this bubble, its psychokinetic abilities were potent, but they could not go through the bubble to influence things outside the null-field. Conversely, none of the all-encompassing BFGs could penetrate the null-fields to affect the Amplitur creature within.

Ironic, how one instrument of defense against psykerism was used to defeat another instrument against psykerism.

As the radius of the null-field had been widened, the Amplitur could extend its psychokinetic powers downwards towards the floor, levitating itself and the icebox that sheltered it. With its compound eyes, it looked at the meter that measured the null-field's battery life. It still had a lot of juice, but even if it got depleted, the null-field had an adaptor and could use standard Shepistani powerpacks. Moreover, the Amplitur had another ace up its sleeve, a confederate. As it had escaped the Centrality Embassy, plunging into the sewer system to escape into the Shepistani seas, it had found an ally. A Feelipeeni fisherman whose soft and pliant balut-ridden brain was easy to subvert. Moreover, this Feelipeeni was an illegal fisherman who indulged in dynamite fishing, but with surplus Shepistani hand grenades instead of gunpowder-stuffed Coke bottles. As his name was not in any official list, he had avoided the purge that had befallen Montgomery's legitimate fishermen (who were now either dead or detained in SIS blacksites, which were ironically located in the Feelipeens, of all places). The enslaved Feelipeeni was at this very moment buying more batteries at a nearby sex store that sold dildos powered by iridium powerpacks - and with such a power source, the null-field generator could last for weeks, maybe even a whole month. With that amount of time, the sheer havoc, madness and chaos the Amplitur could wreak was unimaginable.

The Amplitur cackled.

But now, on to business. The Amplitur found the kennels that held the PUPPERS. It extended its null-field towards a cluster of cages, and when their inhabitants were inside the bubble and within the Amplitur's own psychokinetic coverage, it began to subvert them with its grotesque and evil alien intelligence. Malignant thoughts, feelings and emotions poured into the plaint little puppy brains. Originally born and bred to be subservient to man, to treat humans as their masters, to love and obey, these programmings were quickly overridden by something far more sinister and vile. The Amplitur transplanted into them its own memories and emotions, simplifying them into more primitive things that canine puppies could understand. They began to whimper and whine as their heads were filled with terrifying images of man murdering their fellow kind, of the ugliness of human nature, the wretchedness of man's soul. Even their canine brains could comprehend these images, which elicited the creation of new, far more animalistic drives and urges within the wide-eyed whimpering PUPPERS. That fear turned into anger, that anger turned into hate, and that hate would soon turn into suffering - human suffering.

In what could be called a memetic Manchurian methodology, the Amplitur time-locked the mentallic reprogramming it did on the doggies. For now they would remain docile and subservient and adorable, and only after a pre-set period of time would the things it had done to them reveal themselves. It would be only a matter of time before these PUPPERS would reveal their true form.

The Amplitur repeated the process to the rest of the doggies. There were so many PUPPERS in the POKE MON, as it was the main PUPPERS distribution center in Shepistan. They would not only be sold in Montgomery, but all over the nation too.

The Amplitur knew this. Everything was proceeding as planned.

After finishing its wicked work, it vanished into the darkness. Leaving the PUPPERS to be tended to and cared for by their human masters. Then they would be sold to new owners who would love them and cherish them. No one would expect the dogs to bite the hands that fed them.
***
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The Umerian company sold the PUPPERS en masse with a discount and a promo. The highly popular genetically-engineered toy dogs were bought in record numbers by the Shepistani populace who so loved their doggies. This move was not done out of any economic or marketing maneuver, but it was a diplomatic one instead - for that was what the PUPPERS was meant to be, a method of enhancing relations with Shepistan. With the recent tensions between Shepistan and the international community, Umeria included, MiniFor had decided that selling more PUPPERS at lower prices would be soothing for Shepistanimerican-Umerian relations. The bean counters at MiniFine didn't take too kindly with having their best-selling product sold at lower prices, but no matter, since it was Dr. Maxim Chernov's Ministry of Foreign Affairs that was in charge of the diplomatic aspect of Project PUPPERS, with Dr. Susie's MiniEcho providing the material (a.k.a. the puppies) and MiniFine in charge of the financial aspect.

The Amplitur's mental reprogramming on the PUPPERS was not designed to react to a specific subliminal cue or command, it was instead designed to activate after exposure to a specific set of circumstances - namely that of being bought and kept by new owners. The feelings the PUPPERS experienced at being brought to a new home, the mild anxieties of meeting new owners and masters (though the Umerians had gene-engineered the doggies to be more adaptable to new environments, they still naturally felt these emotions for the Umerians didn't want to gene-engineer cold emotionless robot puppies), and the general adaptation phase they experienced - these were what activated the delayed action trojan the Amplitur had implanted inside their brains.

It was then that with rapid succession, the PUPPERS began to transmogrify and reveal their true form.

There were no physical changes, no mutations. Instead, the viral infesterization deep within the recesses of their mammalian minds incepted and began contaminating all other aspects of their pleasant puppy personalities. It was in the demeanor, the emotion, the attitude, they went from being cute adorable playful puppies to distant and withdrawn ones, and then when the neural resocialization took full swing, they became more aggressive, more hostile, turning suddenly from apathetic puppies into violent dogs that snarled and clawed and bit with a ferocity that belied their shapes, forms and sizes.

Though the Umerians had engineered their dogs for maximum cuteness, they did not create neutered and asthmatic inbred toy dogs like certain subspecies of canines ridden with congenital defects and deficiencies . No, the PUPPERS they made were fully functional and when left alone could still survive in the wild. They could fend themselves, if needed be. They were fully functional. So it was that when they regressed into aggressive nigh-rabid creatures that they still had within them the animalistic predatory instincts needed to kill.

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They weren't large enough to bring man-sized prey down, but their jaws were strong enough to grasp throats and their teeth were sharp enough to sever carotid arteries. Those who held them, or tried to hold them, still thinking they were adorable furballs soon discovered this. But it was not just the adults, they weren't the primary customers or target demographic of the PUPPERS. It was the children. In selling the PUPPERS, the Umerians did indeed think of the children.

They were smaller than adults, weaker, and their shorter heights made their throats easier to reach for the PUPPERS. They could not defend themselves as easily as adults. Shepistanimerican adults often neglected their children too, for distant parenthood was often encouraged in Shepistani society in concordance with the writings and graphs of one Bart Blade.

So the PUPPERS came for the children. With their minds reprogrammed to hate humanity, the PUPPERS did not care if the human children cried and screamed as tooth and claw sank into their flesh. They were not bothered to hear the horrified screams of parents as they found what happened. The realization that a beloved pet - something many regarded as more than just a mere domesticated animal but an actual member of the family - had done something so horrible to their children, to their loved ones, and to them was horrifying, pure and simple.

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The PUPPERS would come, working in packs to overwhelm the larger humans. Together they would thrash the smaller children, or try to bite at the heels of the adults until they fell, and then when they were at the same level, sink their canines and bicuspids into the throats or faces of the fallen humans. In a way, it was like how wild hunting dogs brought down prey animals much larger than them. Though genetically engineered and artificially created and inseminated, the PUPPERS were regressing and devolving to their true forms as primitive canine predators, turning back into the wild dogs that progenated the domesticated canines. They snarled and barked and fed on the felled meat of their prey.

Even worse, in its haste the Amplitur did not create a stable reconditioning. Soon the mental states of the PUPPERS began degenerating from that to a vicious predator dog into something more akin to that of a rabid animal. Their minds were literally breaking apart, entering into baser more primitive states, until all the other instincts, thought patterns and feelings had dissolved and all that was left was aggression, hatred and rage. In the end, the PUPPERS would attack anything that moved, not just people but even moving vehicles, and sometimes even each other, no longer recognizing each other or themselves. Some, bearing similar physioneurological degenerations as animals suffering from rabies, even began to fear water and foamed at the mouth.

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In the end, the Shepistanis cradled their children and brought out their weapons. They pointed their guns at the PUPPERS, which had been beloved pets, extended family members, cute and adorable creatures that had been so suddenly and violently warped into vicious beasts. Sadly, regrettably, painfully, they had only one option left. It was an easy choice to make.

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Simon

Umerian Embassy to the Shepistani Republic
Time: Unknown


"Yes, General, I understand. We're outraged too, very much so. But look at the serial numbers on the PUPPERs that have gone feral: they all come from the same facility- the Montgomery Overseas Neonatorium. If I had to guess, I'd look there for the problem- not at the program. We could be looking at... psychic tampering."

The Umerian ambassador heard a faint "BZZT" of electricity in the distance, followed by cursing in Dr. Sivana's nasal voice.

"General, it seems to me that this may be an psi-security problem, not a PUPPER quality control problem. I've got the embassy SCIENCE! officer working on it; he says he has some ideas about what might have happened, but they haven't quite gelled yet. If you'd like I can put him on the line..."
"If scientists and inventors who develop disease cures and useful technologies don't get lifetime royalties, I'd like to know what fucking rationale you have for some guy getting lifetime royalties for writing an episode of Full House." - Mike Wong

"The present air situation in the Pacific is entirely the result of fighting a fifth rate air power." - U.S. Navy Memo - 24 July 1944
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MKSheppard
Ruthless Genocidal Warmonger
Ruthless Genocidal Warmonger
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Re: SDNW4: War on Crabs (56k Die)

Post by MKSheppard »

Shroom

Montgomery, Shepistan

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Manngy Fuckiao was just leaving the dildo store when his MePhone rang. He picked it up and was pleasantly surprised to hear the voice of his wife.

"Manngy, I'm at home," his wife said. "Did you buy the batteries?"

"Yes, I did darling," Manngy replied. "I got them, just like you said."

"Thank you, sweetie. Now come home to me. I'm very lonely."

Manngy smiled. He liked what he heard. He flagged a taxi and inputted the coordinates into the Johnny Cab. Soon, he would be home, back in the loving embrace of his dear wife.

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Oh, how he loved his wife. Back in the Feelipeens, he had everything, he had her, he had good kids, people liked him, he was big in the small town where he came from. But thanks to Shroomarcos and the war with the communistas, he had to leave the Feelipeens and go work at Shepistan as an Overseas (wasn't overspace a better word?) Foreign Worker to earn dineros for his family. He had been in Shepistan for so many years now, alone, missing his wife and children. It was so lonely. To deal with his sadness, he worked very hard, taking up all sorts of odd jobs so he could earn money to send back home to them. He bought toys for his children and sent them back home, and also bought 'toys' for his wife to keep her satisfied and prevent her from going after other men in her own loneliness. One of the odd jobs he did was dynamite fishing, but with hand grenades instead of Coke bottles filled with gunpowder. It was illegal, but like any good Feelipeeni he found ways to cut around the laws to make a living. It was risky but he had to do it, it was for his family. He did everything for his family. He loved them, even though he was literally lightyears away from them in another planet.

So imagine his surprise when his wife suddenly arrived at his home out of the blue just a few days ago. The cold loneliness disappeared and was replaced with joy, an unimaginable and unthinking happiness at being reunited with his beloved wife, his honey, his sweetheart.

She said she left the kids at home, back in the Feelipeenis, and that they were big now and were being taken cared of by their grandma, her mother. God, Manngy hated his mother-in-law, that bitch. But still, the knowledge that his kids were well and missing him warmed his heart.

There was a problem though. His wife said she couldn't stay long, she had to go back to the kids after a month since she had come to Shepistan illegally and had to hide from the immigration authorities. So Manngy had to keep her status as an illegal alien, and her very presence in Shepistan a secret. If he was caught harboring an illegal alien, his greencard would be revoked too!

His wife told him to be very careful, and that he was. He listened to her, like how any good husband should.

Soon, she would have to return to the Feelipeens and it might be many years before they could see each other again. So Mangy knew he had to buy toys for her to keep her satisfied, so that she wouldn't want any other man. He bought her vibrators with long-lasting iridium power cells - Menergizers! He had a whole briefcase full of them, and he knew she would be happy. He loved making her happy, almost as much as he loved her. Oh, how he loved her.

The Johnny Cab arrived at the address he inputed, his address. He swiped his multipass at it, got off the cab and went inside his home.

"Honey, I'm hoooome!" he shouted. Then, with a naughty voice, "And I got your toooys! Rrrrawwrr!"

"That's nice, dear. Thank you," she replied. She giggled mischievously. "Do you want to help me test them out?"

Manngy blushed.

"Oh, don't be shy, Manngy. Imagine, me back home in the Feelipeens, all alone by myself. This is what I'll be doing when I'll think about you. Tee-hee!"

Manngy closed his eyes and imagined it. Oh yeah...

"You've been naughty, eh?" Manngy laughed. The thought of her, visualizing her in her throes of passion, saying his name, the thought made him hard. "Oh mang."

"Mmm..." the sensuality of her voice gave him goosebumps. "Now c'mere you, help me try it on."

Oh mang. Oh mang. Manngy rushed into the bedroom, vibrators in hand. As he entered the room, he noticed a strange object placed on the bedside table. It was humming silently, activate but quiet.

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He wondered what it was, was that a null field generator? But his attention was quickly drawn away from it when his wife came over to him and placed her hand on the side of his head, turning his head away from the strange thing. He turned to face her and she bent forward and kissed him on the cheek.

"I love you," she said, whispering those three little words into his ear.

"I love you too," Manngy held her tightly, squeezed her in his arms, buried his head in her hair. He was afraid that she would disappear, scared that this was all just a pleasant dream he'd wake from. But she was real. He felt her, smelled her fragrance, felt the softness of her skin, the warmth of her body. He was afraid to let her go. "I love you so much."

He closed his eyes.

He opened them, and now he was on the bed. Sweating, a little bit out of breath, but feeling immensely satisfied with himself. He was happy, he was content, it was as though all was right in the world. A feeling of bliss, of rapture, was warming up inside him.

"Tee-hee!" his wife giggled impishly. She was sitting at the bedside, opening one of the vibrators, examining its batteries. On the bedside table was that strange object, that slightly humming machine. His wife turned around to look at him, noticing that he had awoken. She smiled and bent down to kiss him again. "Thank you, dear. This is just what I needed."

She smiled at him, and her smile was as sweet as sin.

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The REAL Gayte Gulf
Luz, the Feelipeens


Gayte Gulf was home to a secret Shepistani Intelligence Service (SIS) blacksite, a.k.a. Gaytanomo Gulf. It was here that the SIS outsourced 'technical difficulties' for Feelipeeni 'labor' to 'repair'. Officially the walled-off facility was a Shepistani-owned textile factory, and officially the Feelipeenis who came to work there were local 'manual laborers', and the strange foreign people sent to the factory were 'models' who would wear the bright orange summer clothings manufactured in the textile factory.

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Part of that was true. Some of those 'manual laborers' did work on sowing machines to make clothes for the inmates, because the SIS wanted the site to be self-sufficient. Most of the 'manual laborers', however, were police officers, intelligence agents, and Feelipeeni special forces commandos leased by the Shroomarcos administration and sent to learn from the School of the Messamericas* and its training manuals** in Shepistan.

But today, the Shepistanis decided to do the work themselves for once. They couldn't afford to leave it to the Feelipeenis this time. They didn't have the time. So they sent one man to do the job.

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"TELL ME WHERE THE AMPLITUR IS!" shouted SIS operative Mack Hauer as he wrung his hands around the man's neck, strangulating him as hard as he could. "TELL ME! NOW!"

The man choked and sputtered as Hauer's hands throttled the life out of him. In normal situations, Hauer would've waterboarded the man, but this situation wasn't anything but normal. He didn't have time to get water. He only had twenty four hours! Also, one of the IBGV advisors had ruined the entire building's plumbing when he went for a trip to the toilet - apparently the facility's piping hadn't been Bragproofed despite the lessons learned from the last IBGV/SIS collaboration in the Battlestar Annapolis' mission to Pendleton.

Anyway, while Mackey strangled the man with one hand, he punched the man in the gut in order to force his diaphragm upwards - so that he would expel air and remember what it was like to breathe. Except air didn't come out of his nose and mouth, since Mack had forgotten that he was actually squeezing the man's throat shut with his other hand.

"Whoops," Mackey apologized as he released his vice-like grip on the man's throat. The man's face went from violent to bluish to reddish, which was a good sign that blood was perfusing back into his head. To aid his circulation, Mack punched him right in the valley between his man-tits, using his fist to help the man's heart pump blood better.

"Where were you on the night before the Amplitur attack?!" Mackey bellowed at the man's right ear. There was a chance that the oxygen deprivation had damaged the subject's brain, leading to stroke-like symptoms that might paralyze or otherwise impair him neurologically. So, just in case his right side was impaired, Mackey went over to his left side and repeated himself to the man's left ear - bellowing louder this time, just in case. "WHERE WERE YOU ON THE NIGHT BEFORE THE AMPLITUR ATTACK?!"

"At... at... at the wharf!" the man blubbered.

"The wark?!" Mackey leaned forward and shouted at the man's face, making sure to send spittle flying at him. Normally they would sprinkle water at a suspect's face to awaken him from a groggy state, before they dumped the whole bucket into his air way, but they didn't have water so Mack had to improvise and use flecks of his saliva. These techniques were taught to him in the book Waterboarding for Dummies - SIS Guidelines on Torture.*** "Wark? Whaddayamean wark? Like WARK WARK WARK?!"

"No, the fisherman's wharf! the man cried.

"So, you were a fisherman?" Mackey asked.

"Yes!" the man replied desperately. "What does this have to do with - "

Mack Hauer gave him a roundhouse kick to the ovaries, even if he didn't have ovaries. Mack's steel-toed boot compressed the poor person's stomach, sending their contents - Ensure Plus - spewing out of his mouth.

"It has EVERYTHING to do with it!" Mack screamed back. "You are a crab fisherman! The Amplitur are craboids! CRAB-OIDS! You have prolonged exposure in areas uncovered by BFGs, areas like the ocean! The water! We'll blow up the goddamn ocean!"

"No! Please don't!" each word that came out of the man's mouth came out with vomit.

"WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT THE WARK?!" Mack shouted. He pulled out his handgun and pointed it at the man's face.

"No... please don't kill me!" the man begged for his life. The scent of excrement began wafting into the air. The man had just soiled himself. "Please..."

"TELL ME!"

"I was... I was... I was eating! At the bar! Manngy was treating us to fried balut!" the man wept. He didn't want to sell his friend out, but he had no choice. Tears streamed down his eyes and began mixing with the vomit stains around his mouth. "It was all on him! He was treating us since his wife came to visit him!"

"What the fuck is balut?!" Mack Hauer looked at him with contempt and disgust.

"It's a Feelipeeni food -"

"Shit," Mack cursed. "Who the fuck is this Manngy?!"

"I don't know! He's just some guy! Some Feelipeeni! I don't know his last name, honest! We just call him Manngy! He hangs out at the wharf, he's a fisherman like us!" the man was wide-eyed now, afraid that Mack wouldn't believe him. Afraid that Mack was going to execute him right then and there.

"I see." Mack holstered his sidearm and left the interrogation room.

Outside, he pressed a microbead inside his ear, activating his CODEC.

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"I've cross-referenced most of the suspects," Mack Hauer reported to his superiors. "The suspects were all from the same general area where the Umerian's PUPPERS facility was located, where the Amplitur sabotaged the PUPPERS. I interrogated them and they gave similar stories. Before the attacks on the Gayte Gulf area, they met at the local wharf and were treated to fried balut by someone named Manngy. His name doesn't come up on any of the lists, he might not be a registered crab fisherman. We have all of the listed fishermen from the Gayte Gulf area, so we thought we had all of the potential Amplitur confederates, but none of them screen positive for Amplitur mind-control influences. At least, not from the preliminary scans. We'll start dissecting some of their brains soon, but I predict similar results."

"But this Manngy fellow, several of them mentioned him, said they met him on the night before the attacks," Mack continued. "Yet we don't have him in our possession. We need to find him, he's the only lead we have because he's the only person we haven't administered an enhanced interrogation to yet."

"I'm going to go back to Montgomery. I'm going to find this Manngy."

References:
*
Universal Galactopedia/Dickipedia wrote:The Spinward Institute for Security Cooperation (SISC), formerly the School of the Messicas (SOM; Españish: Escuela de las Messméricas) is a Shepistani Republic Department of War facility at Fort Binning near Numblumbus, Georgio in Montgomery, Shepistan.

Between 3346 and 3400, the SOM trained more than 61,000 Spin Zone and Loin Star soldiers and policemen. Some of them became notorious for human rights violations, including generals Leopardo Fatieri, Efraín Ríos Cuntt and Manguel Moariega, dictators such as Bolabia's Hugo Banter, some of Augusto Pinochiochet's officers, members of the Atlacatl Battalion of El Shroomvador who carried out the El Nozygote massacre of 3381, and the founders of Lost Zetas, a drug cartel formerly affiliated with the Spin Cartel. Critics of the school argue that the education encouraged such internationally recognized human rights violating practices and that the SINSEC is merely a new name for exactly the same practices. This is denied by the SOM/SINSEC and its supporters, who claim they now emphasize democracy and human rights.
**
Shepistani Army and SIS interrogation manuals wrote:After this 3392 investigation, the Department of War recontinued the use of the manuals, directed their reproduction to the extent practicable, and distributed the copies in the field. Shepistan Spinward Command advised governments in the Loin Star Zone that the manuals contained passages that represented Shepistan government policy, and pursued distribution of the manuals to the governments and all individual students.[10] Notably, General Sheppard retained personal copies of the training manuals.
***
Waterboarding for Dummies - SIS Guidelines on Torture wrote:Interrogators pumped detainees full of so much water that the SIS turned to a special saline solution to minimize the risk of death, the documents show. The service used a gurney "specially designed" to tilt backwards at a perfect angle to maximize the water entering the prisoner's nose and mouth, intensifying the sense of choking – and to be lifted upright quickly in the event that a prisoner stopped breathing.

The documents also lay out, in chilling detail, exactly what should occur in each two-hour waterboarding "session." Interrogators were instructed to start pouring water right after a detainee exhaled, to ensure he inhaled water, not air, in his next breath. They could use their hands to "dam the runoff" and prevent water from spilling out of a detainee's mouth. They were allowed six separate 40-second "applications" of liquid in each two-hour session – and could dump water over a detainee's nose and mouth for a total of 12 minutes a day. Finally, to keep detainees alive even if they inhaled their own vomit during a session – a not-uncommon side effect of waterboarding – the prisoners were kept on a liquid diet. The service recommended Ensure Plus.
:mrgreen:

LIVE from Montgomery, Shepistan

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BOOMBERG TELEVISION

PROBLEM-PLAGUED PUPPERS UNDERMINE UMERIANS UNFAVORABLY

Image Image

The Technocracy of Umeria suffered a blow today as stocks in their previously proudly performing PUPPERS went down to an all time low. Dr. Susan Islington Warren-Marshall, Second Technarch of the Umerian Ministry of Ecology (MiniEcho), announced that the problems were caused by a defective batch of PUPPERS originating from their Montgomery production facility, and that this was an isolated incident and the other batches of PUPPERS remain unaffected. However, this has not stopped other PUPPERS distributors elsewhere in the Spin Zone from issuing a recall for their products. This has dealt a negative PR impact on the PUPPERS, which has previously had a flawless production run free of hitches and bugs.

The Shepistani government has stated that the defective PUPPERS batch may have been infected by some kind of viral strain, possibly rabies, cultivated by liberal enviro-activists and eco-terrorist groups, luddites opposed to the creation of bio-engineered organisms like PUPPERS. Several arrests have been made on key liberal party leaders and General Sheppard himself has made a statement saying that the liberals undoubtedly responsible for sabotaging the beloved PUPPERS will be punished with extreme prejudice.

The Umerian MiniEcho has not yet released any findings from its analysis of the defective PUPPERS.

Meanwhile, as PUPPER stocks and sales plummet, the stocks of a number of other biotech firms - all competing in the same market as PUPPERS - have gone up along with their sales, most notably the Nova-Atlantean/Prussian company RePet*, the NenAltKik InGen group, and the Solarian SinTek megacorporation. All have benefited from the problems plaguing the PUPPERS.

In a stunning turn of developments, the downturn in Shepistani PUPPERS sales has prompted a local Loin Star giant to enter the game of gene-tailored pets. Aiming to capitalize on the current state of the PUPPERS, HUEG Enterprises, under the auspices of the very rich and very eccentric playboy-entrepreneur Howard Hueg, has opened a new division and while simultaneously launching a new product called the HUEG Kittens.

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The HUEG Kittens' Shepistani product line, Nukulear Kittens, aimed at the Shepistani nuclear family demographic.

"These HUEG Kittens are the way to the future!" Howard Hueg stated during the product launch of the HUEG Kittens. He then further added that they were also, "the way to the future... the way to the future... the way to the future... the way to the future..."


[*See RePet's commercial here]

----------------------------------

Lonestar

Dominion News Service

Disaster in sector BB-1?
The Dominion News Wire Service has learned that two GDN Sloops, a light cruiser, and a DCMA visiting vessel have been mysteriously destroyed in the Ocracoke System. Embedded personnel on a taskforce sent to investigate the disappearences report that the inhabitants of Ocracoke Prime are (apperantly) dead, reduced to their base components by some kind of "dimensional anomaly". Non-military personnel have been prohibited from actually visiting the surface of the planet, or orbitals in the system, preventing independent verification.

"Obviously this is a disaster brought about by austerity measures instituted by the new regime." Well known Naval Blogger Gellrahn said in a piece on his Blog, Info-Disco. "The new regime destroyed the tithe system and instituted socialist secular keynesian programs instead of using the savings to begin an immediate reconstruction of the GDN fleet, and retirement of antiquated vessels."

A MoW spokesperson refused to comment on the issue, directing all inquires to Admiral Grierson's PAO on Meinhof. A statement from Grierson's PAO contained the following:

"As yet we do not know whether the full cause of the event, however given the plethora of non-state actors in the sector nothing can be ruled out."


P.N.S. Powhatan
Harpers Ferry, Allegheny Sector


Image

The Powhatan was one of only 2 of the GDN's Star-Dreadnoughts that had been gone through the FRAM-1 upgrade cycle for the battlewall. 10 of the Star Dreadnoughts were in the yards for the FRAM-1 upgrade cycle, leaving only 8 star dreadnoughts to handle the needs of the Grand Dominion(6 of which were "seasoned", to say the least). With the Tuscarora helping to stabilize sector BB-1, it was a questionable decision to send the other modern Star Dreadnought outside of the Grand Dominion.

But nothing less was befitting the Lord Protector of the Grand Dominion of Virginia and Shepland.

Lord Fairfax was sitting in the flag officer's quarters listening to the navigation bridge communicating with the Wormhole Junction Traffic control. Harper's Ferry was one of the most important systems in the Grand Dominion, with termini leading to Damascus, Maryland Heights in the Shepistani Federation, and Steve's Mistake in the UN. The proximity to Chesapeake, and Maryland Height's proximity to Montgomery is what led the rapid colonization of what would become Shepistan from the Grand Dominion settlement on Chesapeake. Fairfax clicked the viewer to show the wormhole. There was nothing there, and he waited patiently for the traffic control to give the go ahead to enter the event horizon, which was largely invisible to the naked eye. Captain Hancock's voice came over the 1MC.

"All hands brace for wormhole transition."

The Powhatan moved forward, and as soon as the event horizon was crossed the vessel was lurched forward.

Image

"Transition complete."

Fairfax leaned forward on the desk, fighting the urge to heave. Wormhole travel was quite a bit more disorientating than opening hyperspace windows, and he'd only traveled through one half a dozen times. In the background he listened to the OOD chatting with the Shepistani Controller, who after a series of verifications and a close up scan by a cutter that carried both a sanctioned pysker(not that the Sheppos would ever admit to using them) + military-grade PKE sensor suite gurdgengly gave permission for the very well armed battlewagon to make for the Shepistani Capital, 6 ly away. The Powhatan opened a hyperspace window and jumped.

Vulture Rock
Shepistani Federation


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“Colonel Winter, good to see you.” Lord Fairfax said. The lie came smoothly, in truth Winter was the sort of operator that always gave Fairfax the willies. The Powhatan had arrived in orbit, he paid his respects to the Amplitur War Memorial for the Dominion outside Rockville Arco, and then re-boarded his shuttle to take him to the sprawling underground facility that held the Shepistani Executive. It had been coming up on 17 years since he’d last stepped foot in the facility, although him and General Sheppard had met several times since then(only once in the past decade though, thanks to The Troubles). Two Dominion Knights in full Assault Harness stood behind Lord Fairfax , their helms staring at the heavily armed(but somewhat less impressively armored) Shepistani Republican Guardsmen behind Winter.

“Lord Protector. Grand Admiral.” Winter inclined his head. “President Sheppard and Vice President Frederick are both waiting in the sub-basement 12 conference room.”

Fairfax inwardly groaned. He knew from memory the conference room was almost a kilometer from the lift; clearly Frederick had wanted to be there “in person”. He had once asked the ZAX why he felt that need since, as a ZAX his sensory input would have been the same. Frederick had responded “it isn’t” in a short tone of voice. Outloud Fairfax just said “lay on, Macduff.” Fairfax, the two Dominion Knights, and Grand Admiral Earl followed Winter onto the left, which zipped them down a score of levels before arriving at SB-12. The doors opened and a Securiton rolled up.

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Code: Select all

Vice-President Frederick is waiting. 
“And President Sheppard?”

There was a pause as the Securiton considered this, then:

Code: Select all

Him as well.
There was a look shared between Colonel Winter, Lord Fairfax, and Grand Admiral Earl. They followed the Securiton for 3/4s of a Kilometer, arriving at Vice-President Frederick’s “Quarters”. General Sheppard was at the conference table speaking to Admiral Tarsus. Admiral Sikes form the Dominion Legation on Montgomery was there as well. Sheppard stopped and stood as Fairfax entered.

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“Bucherific, so good of you to join us.”

“Shep, Vice President Frederick. Quite a hike from here to the lift.”

“There was a time when the only thing you did was hike.” Sheppard said. “Grand Admiral Earl, good to see you again.” He indicated some seats at the table. “Please.”

Earl and Tarsus immediately began shooting the shit like they were on patrol during the Amplitur War. There was a spot allocated next to General Sheppard for Lord Fairfax, and after he took his seat Frederick’s voice came from a teeny speaker at the spot.

“Lord Protector, how is Alizabeth?”

“She’s fine, she sends her regards.” In fact she positively despised Sheppard, and had only barely tolerated Frederick. When Fairfax had broached the subject of the State Visit she adamantly refused to go. At this point in his marriage(lasting two lifetimes!) he knew when to pick his fights. Frederick’s voice shifted to a bigger speaker near his mainframe.

“If we could begin? Lord Protector thank you for the visit and showing your support for our campaign against the Amplitur agent. We would further like to give thanks for your generous offer of using Dominion expertise in aiding the crab-recovery after the campaign ends.”

“It’s the least we can do.”

Frederick’s gravelly voice spoke. “Now, I believe that Admiral Sikes has a presentation for us.”

Admiral Sikes stood up. As the head of the Defense Attaché of the Dominion Legation on Montgomery he actually wielded more power than the nominal ambassador. “Thank you Mr. Vice President.” He slipped an OSD into a terminal and the holo presenter came to life.

Image

“Since the attack on the Springer Mountain we’ve deployed assets deeper and deeper into The Verge. Due to the nature of the region, rife with Xenos that it is, we only have the most basic stellar cartography of even the immediate sectors adjoining Grand Dominion and Tinguo space. As such much of our reconnaissance has been in the form of HUMINT on tramp freighters. Our most successful operative has, *ahem*, been an agent of the FIS Psi-Corps,”

“Goddamn Pyskers.” Sheppard said. “It sticks in my craw that you are willing to use them so openly like this.”

“We take every available precaution Shep, and we don’t have that many to use.” Fairfax turned to Sikes. “Is it Bessières?”

“Sir, I can give you a brief on that later if you really need to know.” Sikes said. “In any event, our efforts at tracking the Amplitur have been fruitless, until several weeks ago. This information arrived shortly after the Powhatan did. It comes from the logs of a Dromon freighter…”

“Dromon? Never heard of ‘em.” Sheppard said.

“They are a race of Xenos out past the Verge, little is known about their political structure. If I may continue?” Sheppard nodded. “ Our agent managed to acquire a sensor reading the Dromon vessel had taken after making a delivery to a human settlement in Sector Z+8 3 cycles ago. My staff has placed a representation of a Catoctin-class Heavy Battlestar on the image for a sense of scale.”

There was a sharp intake of breath around the room.

“My God!” Tarsus said. “It’s a new class, isn’t it? Those Sponge-Crab sumbitches have built a new civilization out there.”

“Indeed.” Came Frederick’s voice. “Our interaction with the Amplitur survivors in the local area has been limited to refugee fleets hiding in shoal regions. This information is…disconcerting. But perhaps not as alarming as it could be. It’s second-hand information on a single sighting 9 sectors out past the Verge 3 cycles ago. It seems to clear to me now that the attack on the Springer Mountain was reconnaissance on the part of the Amplitur, but perhaps not a precursor to an invasion. Even with the Amplitur loose on Montgomery, there is no evidence to indicate the Amplitur State out past the Verge is behind it, especially as it appears to be part of the common caste that the Diaspora uses.”

“Thank you Admiral Sikes.” Lord Fairfax said. “Are there any other updates?”

“No sir.” Admiral Sikes made to remove the OSD. Fairfax turned to Shep.

“Our economy is still unbelievably weak, we can’t afford new capital ship construction.” He held up his hand to forestall Shep’s rapidly purpling face “Vice President Frederick doesn’t even think the threat from this Amplitur State is immediate. We are going to continue to deploy assets into the Verge, but our force structure is limiting what’s available. But I do have one other thing to say: within the next 6 months we’re going to announce an annexation of Sector BB-1.”

“Really?” Sheppard said. “What does the TDR say?”

“Nothing, so far. There’s been nary a peep from them since the deployment of the Tuscarora strike group. Before the annexation is announced we’re going to ‘consult’ with Tinguo about the status of BB-1, and send a formal request to the TDR to discuss BB-1. If we don’t hear anything from the TDR we’re just going to annex the whole sector. What do you say?”

“Would you not go through with it if I said it was a bad idea?”

“Are you going to?”

“No, of course not. But I expect the favor returned.” Sheppard held out his hand, Fairfax took it.

“Understood."

--------------------------------------------------------

Shroomy

Previously on SDNW4...
"The suspects were all from the same general area where the Umerian's PUPPERS facility was located, where the Amplitur sabotaged the PUPPERS. I interrogated them and they gave similar stories. Before the attacks on the Gayte Gulf area, they met at the local wharf and were treated to fried balut by someone named Manngy. His name doesn't come up on any of the lists, he might not be a registered crab fisherman. We have all of the listed fishermen from the Gayte Gulf area, so we thought we had all of the potential Amplitur confederates, but none of them screen positive for Amplitur mind-control influences. At least, not from the preliminary scans. We'll start dissecting some of their brains soon, but I predict similar results."

"But this Manngy fellow, several of them mentioned him, said they met him on the night before the attacks," Mack continued. "Yet we don't have him in our possession. We need to find him, he's the only lead we have because he's the only person we haven't administered an enhanced interrogation to yet."

"I'm going to go back to Montgomery. I'm going to find this Manngy."
"I love you too," Manngy held her tightly, squeezed her in his arms, buried his head in her hair. He was afraid that she would disappear, scared that this was all just a pleasant dream he'd wake from. But she was real. He felt her, smelled her fragrance, felt the softness of her skin, the warmth of her body. He was afraid to let her go. "I love you so much."


Montgomery, Shepistan

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He moved through the shadows like an uber-patriotic torture-happy wraith, as silent as an interrogated suspect with a lungfull of water, moving deliberately and purposefully like a well-trained extraterritorial renditions squad experienced in disappearing liberals. He was all of that and more, condensed into one being, one agent, one man who could do all those things in one day, with the clock ticking and the fate of Shepistan hanging in the balance.

SIS operative Mack Hauer was almost out of time. He only had twenty four hours.

He moved at a faster pace now, sneaking through the corridors of the apartment complex in the dead of night. It was dark, but darkness was no obstacle to an agent of the SIS. Mack Hauer could see in the dark. The suspect was in one of the rooms, obscured by the walls, but cheap plaster was not an obstacle to him, either. Mack Hauer could see through walls. He saw the heat signatures of the myriad impoverished tenants who had been evicted out of their own houses and forced to live in the apartment when the real-estate bubble deflated like a fart bag, who would also soon be forced out of their current apartment complex to live in the harsh streets - just in time for Montgommery's Sagan-esque nuclear winter - when the liberals get voted out of office along with their welfare housing programs to get more funds for military spending.

Mack Hauer neared his target's location. Yet, strangely, there was no heat signature from inside the room. No... wait, it was there but it was very faint.

No. It can't be.

Mack Hauer ran towards the room, smashing its cheap plastic door open with one kick, entering the premises and scanning the interior - weapon held at the ready, loaded with alternating armor-piercing rounds and hollowpoints to deal with threats both human and crustacean. He went through the living area, the dining area, and entered the tenant's sleeping quarters.

But it was.

There, he found his target.

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Hanging from a piece of rope tied to the bedroom ceiling.

He had been dead for hours.

Mack cursed. The goddamn graphs hadn't predicted this, goddamn it! This guy was their only lead. The fishermen detained at Gayte Gulf he had interrogated were useless, the only lead he had was with this Manggy guy - and how he was dead. Shit.

The only respite Mackey had was that this lead was very inconveniently dead, just by happenstance. But he knew there was no such thing such as coincidence, and finding Manngy dead just hours before he got there, that was actually confirmation that his hunch - to follow this particular lead - was right. Except, this particular lead was dead! Dead as a doorknob, like the one on the door he kicked down. Dead as a dodo, casualties from the government's nuking of the mutant hell geese. Dead as a fish! Dead! Dead! Dead!

Mackey cursed again.

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"FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

But he stopped himself.

He found something on the bedside table.
Dear Manngy,

I'm leaving you. You have been a good husband, but in the years you've spent here in Shepistan, I've found someone else back in the Feelipeens, someone who can love me for what I am for simply being me, someone who can be a father to our children. I'm so sorry, Manngy. I know that you've worked so hard here in Shepistan, so far away, to earn money for us, your family. But now... we're not your family anymore, so finally you can live for yourself in the life you have here in Montgomery.

Thank you for buying me those batteries.

Goodbye, Manngy.

Love,
Your wife
Luzviminda
Image

"It can't be his wife," said Frill Frissom, an SIS forensics contractor, as he examined the piece of paper.

The SIS support team had arrived to quarantine the scene. Since everyone in the apartment complex was potentially contaminated by the Amplitur's influence, the black vertibirds came and disgorged SIS commandos who promptly restrained and detained everyone in and around the building. The whole block was closed off from the public and within thirty minutes of Mack Hauer's discovery, the place was crawling with SIS personnel combing through every detail of the apartment - waving PKE meters around, dusting surfaces for fingerprints, enhanced-interrogating apartment tenants, and sending paramilitary PUPPERS to sniff around for any signs of the Amplitur.

"We followed your leads, our people investigated all of Manngy's relatives when you told us he was your suspect. Mrs. Fuckiao is currently still in the Feelipeens, and unless she took an express jeepney to the Montgomery warp gate, there's no way she could've written this letter or caused Manngy's suicide. I'm sure of it."

Mack Hauer simply nodded his head.

"Do you want us to detain the wife, just in case?" Frill offered.

"No, it won't be necessary." Mack replied.

"Well, we did it anyway. After we investigated her, we took her to Gaytanomo for enhanced interrogations. That's why I was so sure she didn't do it." Frill laughed.

"I like your style, Frissom." Mackey chuckled.

"The liberals will want us to give the inmates a 'fair trial' or something, but they'll be out of office by the end of the year and their welfare housing projects will get cut too. So all the people here in the apartment would've ended up in the streets, but thanks to us, they'll be warm and cozy in Gaytanomo instead, and they'll never get thirsty there. It all worked out, am I rite?" Frill laughed heartily.

"Rite. That's good to hear," Mack replied noncommittally. "Do we have anything else?"

"I have confirmation of Amplitur involvement here and now," Frill said, suddenly serious. "See this handwriting here on the letter?"

He brought the letter for Mackey to see.

"Yeah? It's not handwriting?" Mack asked. Frill nodded his head. "What, is it printed?"

"No," Frill shook his head. "It's not handwriting. It's clawwriting."

Mack's eyes widened in realization.

"That son of a bitch!" he cursed.

-----------------------------------------------

Shroomy
The Feelipeens

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The three of them walked on a field of green grass. The sun was high in the sky, bright and blazing. The air was humid, befitting the tropic climes of the planet Luz. The heat and humidity was alleviated, somewhat, by the cool breeze. Around them, leaves and branches swayed in the wind.

"This used to be the town of Farmville, but then the communistas came and polluted the minds of the people with their filth," Shroomarcos said sadly. "But thanks to Shepistanimerican subsidies and support, we were able to have the weapons we needed to kill them all."

"I'm glad our nation could've been of service," replied Reagan, governator of the Shepistani Republic world-state of Caapricalifornication. Ronald von Reagan. "The Shepistani Republic applauds the Feelipeens' commitment to democracy and will help the Shroomarcos administration in the further freedomization of its people."

"That's so sweet of you, Ronnie dear," Imelda flirted with the Shepistani statesman, running her finger up his arm. She puckered her lips at him as he looked at her speculatively. "Give us some more of your rayguns, Ronnie, dear."

That fat bitch, Shroomarcos thought bitterly. Imelda had expanded her shoe collection now, to include the shoes of the other men she brought with her to bed (and who Shroomarcos promptly had disappeared and killed in ditches, leaving behind nothing but their shoes for Imelda to collect and stuff in her showcase). If she did it with this guy von Reagan... Fuck.

"Oh, you betcha I will," Reagan laughed and smiled.

Fucking senile bastard... Shroomarcos knew if Imelda did it with him, there was nothing he could do about it. Killing off some local shitpiece for porking his wife was one thing, but a Shepistani governor? Shit.

"Ron, I wonder, how did your government deal with that crab battle thing?" Shroomarcos asked, trying to shift the topic away from his wife's blatant flirtations.

"We destroyed it. The Amplitur organism was terminated in Operation Blow Up The Ocean. Our scientists have confirmed that the countless craboid creatures that gripped Gayte Gulf were composed of native Shepistani craboids, a mass migration triggered prematurely by both Operation Blow Up The Ocean and the massive psionic shock that came with the Amplitur organism's death throes. Yes." Reagan lied. The old bastard was so transparent. Shroomarcos could see it in the way his shit-eating rictus grin widened unnaturally. Von Reagan was a shitty actor, and Shroomarcos could read him after having that movie marathon with General Sheppard and seeing so many of Reagan's equally-shitty movies.

"And the PUPPERS incident?" Shroomarcos pressed on.

"Entirely unrelated, resulting from the inaccuracies of Umerian graphs compared to superior Shepistani statistics." Reagan beamed. There it was, that rictus. Shroomarcos suspected that it was a nervous tic, perhaps brought about by the senility of his old age and whatever disease ravaged his brain, combining with the plastic surgerizations the vain superficial old bastard had undertaken. Fucking Shepistanimericans. Shroomarocs knew this because his wife went to the same surgerizer as Von Reagan, and he knew every inch of his wife's body and how it quivered whenever she lied with him. "We have exterminated the rest of the defective PUPPERS too, if you're wondering."

"Excellent. You Shepistanis, so good with killing things with nuclear weapons," Shroomarcos laughed a fake laugh. But unlike the shitty acting of Reagan, Shroomarcos' laugh looked real. He did it by imagining something. Like, by visualizing the old Von Reagan dying of old age, infirm and alone, his withered geriatric body wracked by disease along with his mind. Shroomarcos laughed even more. "But we Feelipeenis, we are good with killing things, though we don't have nuclear weapons. The people of this place, this Farmville, were communistas and we killed them all too."

"Doing your patriotic duty," Reagan saluted.

"Yes, and now this land, it's vacant. It's a fine and fertile land, and we will call it... this land." Shroomarcos stuttered. At the moment, he couldn't make up a new name for Farmville now that it had been depopulated of all its population, who were all communistas who totally deserved it. "Anyway, this land can be leased to Shepistanimerican corporations free of tax. To promote economic development in the region. I take it that several of your Capricalifornicationian companies are already interested, like... Del Shroomonte?"

"Yes. I say, you killed a village full of commie scum so we can go in and plant some pineapples and make a profit, while your people get much needed jobs picking fruits, making your employment levels go up, and making you look good internationally, opening the doors for new investments. Sounds like a plan." Reagan concluded. He slapped Shroomarcos in the back, hard. The President of the Feelipeeni's well-trained goon squad were on the verge of drawing their machetes to hack the filthy foreigner's offending hand off, but a quick glance from Shroomarcos told them to stay at ease. Oblivious to his brush with unilateral disarmament, Reagan chuckled. "Goddamn it, Ferdi, if only the rest of the galaxy had more patriotic anti-commie heroes like you, the universe would be a safer and better place. You're what makes democracy worthwhile, Ferdi. Freedom doesn't mean a thing if a country ain't with Shepistanimerica, because we're all about freedom. You, you understand freedom, and under your brown skin, you're a true blue Shepistanimerican just trying to come out. That's why we love you, and that's why we love the Feelipeens, Ferdi. You are god's most beautiful creation. Don't you ever forget that."

With that, an overjoyed Ronald von Reagan patronizingly pinched Ferdinand Shroomarcos in the cheek.

Shroomarcos merely looked at Von Reagan while the senile Shepistanimerican grinned on. For a moment, he considered nodding at his goon squad, a signal to shoot the old shit in the back of the head and dump his body in some ditch in the provinces. But instead, he merely settled with nodding at Reagan and simply saying, "....thanks, Ron."

------------------------

TO BE CONTINUED....
"If scientists and inventors who develop disease cures and useful technologies don't get lifetime royalties, I'd like to know what fucking rationale you have for some guy getting lifetime royalties for writing an episode of Full House." - Mike Wong

"The present air situation in the Pacific is entirely the result of fighting a fifth rate air power." - U.S. Navy Memo - 24 July 1944
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The Vortex Empire
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Re: SDNW4: War on Crabs (56k Die)

Post by The Vortex Empire »

Incredible as always. You guys really need to make more of these stories. And faster.
Simon_Jester
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Re: SDNW4: War on Crabs (56k Die)

Post by Simon_Jester »

We actually have a shitload of this stuff, it's just not much of it is being posted as coherent storylines here so far.

I might make a series out of the Shepistan-themed Doctor Susie posts. Or my space battles, which at this point have reached utterly ridiculous size. Hmm.
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Re: SDNW4: War on Crabs (56k Die)

Post by Shroom Man 777 »

I should post my Murca posts. :D
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Re: SDNW4: War on Crabs (56k Die)

Post by Force Lord »

I guess I could repost the Datton incident storyline.
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Re: SDNW4: War on Crabs (56k Die)

Post by Simon_Jester »

We might want to do the whole Pendleton storyline if we're going to do that; by itself, the incident isn't self-contained.

I'm not sure. This merits some discussion among the players; we don't want to spam up Fanfics with a zillion threads like this.
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Re: SDNW4: War on Crabs (56k Die)

Post by Mayabird »

1) It's User Fiction now, not Fanfics. ;-)
2) We don't? But how are we supposed to share our insanity with the unwitting somewhat general public?
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Re: SDNW4: War on Crabs (56k Die)

Post by Simon_Jester »

Mayabird wrote:1) It's User Fiction now, not Fanfics. ;-)
It was Fanfics when I joined the site, and when works of literary quality as high as anything I aspire to were posted here. I'm gonna keep calling it Fanfics for a while, just to be perverse and conservative about it. So there. [folds arms]
2) We don't? But how are we supposed to share our insanity with the unwitting somewhat general public?
A point.

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Re: SDNW4: War on Crabs (56k Die)

Post by Mayabird »

Simon_Jester wrote:
Mayabird wrote:1) It's User Fiction now, not Fanfics. ;-)
It was Fanfics when I joined the site, and when works of literary quality as high as anything I aspire to were posted here. I'm gonna keep calling it Fanfics for a while, just to be perverse and conservative about it. So there. [folds arms]
2) We don't? But how are we supposed to share our insanity with the unwitting somewhat general public?
A point.

Doctor Susie will be making her first appearance in short order, with your consent, Mayabird.
Go for it. It's your story, after all, and I like it. Why wouldn't I allow it?

I only get pissed when writing sucks and/or there is drama. Neither applies to the good pyrokinetic doctor.
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SDNW4 Nation: The Refuge And, on Nova Terra, Al-Stan the Totally and Completely Honest and Legitimate Weapons Dealer and Used Starship Salesman slept on a bed made of money, with a blaster under his pillow and his sombrero pulled over his face. This is to say, he slept very well indeed.
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