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 Post subject: Valour and Mayhem Mk II (40k) PostPosted: 2008-05-01 11:03pm
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Okay, so I've been fighting writers block for about the past week or so, so to try and break it up I present to you... this. Yeah. I've had this thing in my head for months, so with any luck getting it out will help pave way for more Pietro. I think this should hopefully give you a few laughs.

---

He was old, old enough to turn his hair to steel from its once dark black, but rejuvenation treatments and extensive bionic work kept him looking far younger than his sidereal age implied. Not all of the work done on him had been to combat the effects of time upon the human body either; grievous injury had removed significant amounts of his original flesh. Both of his arms, his right up to the elbow and his left up to the shoulder, had been replaced with bionics, and the criss-crossing patchwork of scars across his face was particularly heavy about the left side where from his eye to his ear to his lips he had a large metal plate. Both eyes were artificial, but of such high quality that you had to look at him quite closely to notice. His great black coat with red and gold trim, modelled after those typically worn by Imperial commissars but the iconography changed, assuredly hid even more old wounds and bionics, and he even walked with a limp.

Of course the woman who walked next to him, equally old and grey, which was to say far less grey than she should be considering her actual age, knew that the limp was all an act. While he did have an artificial leg, it never slowed him down when he wanted to move with all the boundless energy he had wrapped up in a body that refused to stay as young as his soul. She would have said that he should have shown some dignity in his old age, but considering that she had gone through multiple rejuvenation treatments herself to keep up with him, that would have been a tad hypocritical of her.

Not that she would have said anything given the circumstances. All around them there were a collection of equally old and theatrical bastards and bitches, and only the one she followed had any authority to actually speak to them without being spoken to first, and she would not dare their wrath, or his displeasure, by talking out of line to scold him. Besides, the fact that he had asked her to stand with him out of all the others he had in his confidence was humbling and moving. He had far more reputable members of his staff to call upon to stand next to him and this point, and instead he had asked her, his oldest and most faithful companion, to be here.

Pulling out their appointed chairs, the two old warriors sat down at the table while those who would be their judges took up their positions, their seats elevated above them so that they could peer down at those they were to ask questions of in an intimidating manner; not that Horus himself could have struck any sort of fear into either one of them.

The man at the centre of the horseshoe of judges about them cleared his throat and said, “For the record, I am Inquisitor Lord Sebastian Federov residing over this trial into the actions of Inquisitor Mosegi Corbath of the Ordo Hereticus for his actions in the Horbedan Sector Incident and beyond. Please note that any and all past actions can and will be brought up in this accounting.”

“Of course, I would ask nothing less of you Lord Federov. I have nothing to hide from other loyal members of the Inquisition,” Mosegi said neatly.

Several of the other Inquisitors in the court grumbled noticeably at that, one of them still hooked up to a life support machine due to Mosegi’s actions. None of them said anything though, not wanting to be seen at all stepping on Lord Federov’s toes.

Looking through some of the notes arrayed before him, Lord Federov then asked, “Am I to presume that your companion here today is Rivka Lake, a long time associate of yours?”

“She is indeed Lord Federov,” Mosegi replied.

“And what purpose does she serve here?” Federov asked.

“I am allowed to bring someone with me to this trial, and since Dame Lake has been with me since before I was made Inquisitor, I felt that she would be called upon to bear witness as to my actions the most, and thus it would save this court considerable time and effort if I brought her with me,” Mosegi replied.

“I see. You do realize that we will be talking anything the both of you say with considerably scepticism?” Federov asked.

“Of course, but since Dame Lake is often the only other living witness to many of my actions, she will be called upon to give witness anyway,” Mosegi replied.

“Quite. Now, for the record, could you summarize for this court what you feel you did in the Horbedan Sector Incident?” Federov asked.

“I intentionally threw it into complete disarray, grinding all industry and action there to a standstill and completely ruining several systems,” Mosegi replied calmly.

There was a ripple of annoyance and anger amongst the various inquisitors, and one even shouted out, “So you admit to your heresies!”

Inquisitor Lord Federov looked annoyed at those who had spoken out of turn before he said, “I know you have a reputation for the theatrical, but I demand that you give us a straight answer.”

Shrugging, Mosegi said, “Very well Lord Inquisitor. I threw the sector into complete disarray because the enemies of man had very nearly snatched it from us. The industries I ground to a halt were about to be turned over to the traitors and heretics that dwelled within the systems I ruined. The sector may not be producing anything for us, but neither is it producing anything for our enemies, and unlike us they have not the logistics network to fight over the space. In essence, I ruined an enemy held sector so that our armies might take it from them with minimal casualties.”

“We had the situation under control until you showed up with your blasphemous ways!” One of the Inquisitors shouted out angrily.

“I contend that you did not,” Mosegi replied.

“Silence, both of you,” Federov demanded, glaring at both before he said, “The veracity of your claims will be evaluated in the due course of this trial, but for now let us ask a different question. Namely why you felt the need to recruit orks into your scheme?”

Frowning slightly, Mosegi said, “I did not ‘recruit’ them; I merely took advantage of their predictability to use one enemy of the Imperium against another. They were never under my control; I simply presented them with a path that led them into conflict with the forces of Chaos. Surely you can agree that destroying an ork Waaagh with a Chaos incursion, and visa versa I might add, serves the interests of the Imperium?”

“How?” Federov asked dryly.


Lord Gordorgo watched the proceedings with amusement as his mighty fleet came in to dock at the orbital facilities of Fort Invincible above the planet Serpentis Majoris Primus. Once a former Imperial facility, decades of infiltration by elements of the Alpha Legion and the Word Bearers working in conjunction had resulted in the complete overthrow of the entire system without either group having to lift a finger. They had all of the naval facilities under lock down and three quarters of the entire sub-sector fleet confined to the fort, caught unaware when those who had been on the station suddenly revealed their new loyalties.

The entire system belonged to Chaos now, along with other critical points in the Horbedan Sector, and this victor would please the Gods greatly. Within a few months every world would be purged of the fools that still clung to the false Emperor, and all of the captured armies and factories and ships would be turned upon the neighbouring sectors.

“My lord! I am detecting a warp-real space insertion half a million kilometres off our port side!” One of the deck slaves cried out from the station where he had been fused to.

“Who is it and why were they not detected before this?” Gordorgo snapped irritably.

“Checking now my lord… they appear to have been hiding within our own warp wake, I have no idea how the survived. IFF and transponders unknown but… yes, image being brought up now,” the slave reported while deformed, elongated fingers danced over the input system. In the centre of the bridge a hololith flared into life, showing a smallish, arrow shaped vessel a little less than a kilometre long, much of its mass devoted towards enormous, oversized engines on the rear. Painted black, it declared its allegiance quite proudly with a titanic, stylized ‘I’ on the top.

Chuckling in amusement, Gordorgo replied, “It would seem that the Inquisition is on to us. Prepare a broadside…”

“My lord! Additional contacts appearing!” The slave screeched as additional forces began to drop out of the Warp and into sight. Many, many forces, at least three times as many as the fleet Gordorgo had at his disposal when they finally stopped appearing. Admittedly, the masses were probably similar and there was a major tech disadvantage, but the fact remained that Gordorgo suddenly had to deal with a massive ork fleet while his ships were preparing to dock.

“The Inquisition ship is broadcasting something on an open channel, shall I display it my lord?” The slave bound to the communications cistern asked while the crew scrambled to get to battle stations.

Already beginning to respond to the threat, Gordorgo waved dismissively and said, “Put it up.”

The hololith flickered from the image of the small Inquisition ship to a middle-aged looking Inquisitor staring at what was presumably the pict-caster that was recording the image on the screen.

“So I say again to every ork out there, this is what I and my comrades think of you,” the camera then panned over to gaze upon a gigantic, crudely designed axe that was clearly of ork manufacture.

Then the music started up.

The grey haired Inquisitor leaned into the shot and waved his finger mockingly before he said, “Can’t touch this.”

And thus began four minutes of the entire bridge crew, including Lord Gordorgo, staring in open mouthed awe as an Imperial Inquisitor dancing and singing about an ork weapon, telling the previous owners how they couldn’t get either the choppa or the Inquisitor. It was especially distracting because the man’s retinue joined in on the entire production. Various warriors, death cult assassins, hunched over scribes, Techpriests, even at least one Adepta Sororita, were all dancing about in accompaniment to the clearly insane Inquisitor.

When it finished, the Inquisitor smiled at the camera and said, “Enjoy the crossfire.”

Lord Gordorgo blinked, so utterly enthralled by the utter madness that he had just witnessed that he had forgotten to do anything for the past four minutes. Looking about him, he suddenly realized that the psychotic Inquisitor’s ship had been advancing at full acceleration since it began transmitting, the ork ships in hot pursuit. His course would put him in the midst of the Chaos fleet in seconds, followed shortly after by the slower ork vessels.

Unfortunately the fire being thrown haphazardly at the Inquisitor by the enraged orks was already beginning to slam into the Chaos vessels. Most had at least charged their void shields and armed their weapons, but with Gordorgo watching the broadcast in stunned bemusement he had failed to actually give any orders.

“Fools!” He cried out as he began to frantically try and coordinate the battle rapidly forming.

“My lord! The Inquisition ship has just deployed numerous drones broadcasting its IFF signal, and they’re dispersing throughout the fleet! The orks are targeting them and shooting at our ships… by the gods, we just lost the Ravager,” the slave bound to the sensor suite declared, the expanding ball of light on the view screen punctuating his report.

“Where’s that Inquisitor?” Gordorgo bellowed in a fury as the deck plates began to rumble with the firing of the guns. All across the fleet line the mighty ships began to open fire, but already their escort craft were popping under the tremendous onslaught from the greenskins.

The slave frantically worked the controls before he declared, “He moved past us too quickly to respond, he’s turning towards the planet… he’s broadcasting again.”

On the hololith, the Inquisitor declared, “To any greenskin who thinks he’s harder than me, I’ll be on the planet below. Catch me if you can!” He then broke down into maniacal laughter before switching off.

“Ork transports diverting from the battle to the planet my lord,” the slave said nervously. He then blinked and said, “More ork warships are dropping out of the Warp.”


The assembled Inquisitors watched in mute, stunned silence as they watched the hololith showing the tactical situation as recorded by Mosegi’s ship, along with the recording of his song and dance number. Several wanted to yell at him for bringing shame upon their office for his undignified behaviour, but they could not find the words to express their shock and disbelief.

“So as you can see, I did not in fact ‘recruit’ the orks, but rather I goaded them into following me right into the heart of the enemy position by stealing their Warboss’ favourite choppa and then mocking him about it. The orks had been building up to a massive Waaagh in that sector anyway; I merely triggered it early so that the filthy xenos would land upon the foul heretics of Chaos rather than our own lines later on,” Mosegi explained calmly and rationally.

Finally one of the Inquisitors on the judging panel asked, “How did you steal the choppa in the first place?”

Another demanded, “No, I want to know what he did after that!”

---

So when I next work on this one, what would you like to see?



I love learning. Teach me. I will listen.
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 Post subject:  PostPosted: 2008-05-01 11:40pm
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More! I can forgive you for the lack of Pietro as long as you write more of this. :)



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 Post subject:  PostPosted: 2008-05-01 11:44pm
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Good lord, that dance number was hilarious! I haven't laughed that hard in ages. An Imperial bridge crew channeling MC :lol:

I'd like to see how he got the choppa in the first place if you please.



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 Post subject:  PostPosted: 2008-05-01 11:46pm
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I wanted to work the line "Stop! Choppa time!" in there somewhere but it didn't really work out so well.



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You know, if Christian dogma included a ten-foot tall Jesus walking around in battle armor and smashing retarded cultists with a gaint mace, I might just convert - Noble Ire on Jesus smashing Scientologists

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 Post subject:  PostPosted: 2008-05-01 11:59pm
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Hory shit, that was funny. That guy is certainly creative, if nothing else.

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 Post subject:  PostPosted: 2008-05-01 11:59pm
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That was just too surreal... even for 40k.

First the 'How I got the Choppa', then the "What happened to Planet"



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 Post subject:  PostPosted: 2008-05-02 12:55am
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You MUST have a 'GET TO THE CHOPPA' somewhere in one of the subsequent chapters. This is a non-negotiable point, really more of a law of reality than anything else. Awesomeness so far :)



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 Post subject:  PostPosted: 2008-05-02 12:57am
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Yes... yes... that line will be used... somehow. Oh sweet God Emperor, that left me in tears.



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You know, if Christian dogma included a ten-foot tall Jesus walking around in battle armor and smashing retarded cultists with a gaint mace, I might just convert - Noble Ire on Jesus smashing Scientologists

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 Post subject:  PostPosted: 2008-05-02 03:25am
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thanks for this i have been looking forward to reading more about this hilarious character does this mean you are back in the groove??

thanks again this made my morning :D :D

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 Post subject:  PostPosted: 2008-05-02 06:14am
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That...was pure win. I declare this an adequate substitute for Pietro.

Also, I want to see how he got the choppa.



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 Post subject:  PostPosted: 2008-05-02 06:28am
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I want to know how he got the choppa.

And how MC's work is still intact after 38000 years :P



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 Post subject:  PostPosted: 2008-05-02 08:44am
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Valour and Mayhem MkII wrote:

The grey haired Inquisitor leaned into the shot and waved his finger mockingly before he said, “Can’t touch this.”

And thus began four minutes of the entire bridge crew, including Lord Gordorgo, staring in open mouthed awe as an Imperial Inquisitor dancing and singing about an ork weapon, telling the previous owners how they couldn’t get either the choppa or the Inquisitor. It was especially distracting because the man’s retinue joined in on the entire production. Various warriors, death cult assassins, hunched over scribes, Techpriests, even at least one Adepta Sororita, were all dancing about in accompaniment to the clearly insane Inquisitor.


That was my favourite bit, right there.

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 Post subject:  PostPosted: 2008-05-02 11:02am
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Yeah, I figured an Imperial Inquisitor and his followers doing MC Hammer's "You Can't Touch This" would be the highlight of this part of the story. I mean, honestly, the sheer insanity of it is more than enough to make the majority of people burst out into laughter. As for how the song survived 38,000 years, I would say that some things are just timeless and/or it was inspiration from the Emperor.



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You know, if Christian dogma included a ten-foot tall Jesus walking around in battle armor and smashing retarded cultists with a gaint mace, I might just convert - Noble Ire on Jesus smashing Scientologists

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 Post subject:  PostPosted: 2008-05-02 11:57am
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'I'm too sexy for my Throne?'



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 Post subject:  PostPosted: 2008-05-02 11:59am
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Quote:
even at least one Adepta Sororita

Did the Chaos lord mistake Rivka for a Sister of Battle? If not, I'd like to know how Mosegi got on the Sisters' good graces after all the stunts he pulled.



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They have more WMD than there are monsters for us to fight. (More insanity here.)

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 Post subject:  PostPosted: 2008-05-02 02:31pm
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Being an Inquisitor of the Ordo Hereticus and thus being able to call up the SoB for military services has a way of getting them to at least have to listen to you. Getting shit done and often being in the right has a way of getting them to respect you... despite the fact that their underwear has a habit of going missing if they're not vigilant about him. Of course, the way he spins it, he's just making sure that they are vigilant and aware of what is happening about them at all times.

While he's currently being accused of Radicalism, and he does indeed have some Recongregator and Istvaanian leanings, he doesn't actively work against the Imperium... it's just that the weak and stupid tend to get blown up around him, and he's quite diligent at rooting about for corruption and heresy if rather unconventional, so he tends to leave havoc and mayhem in his wake, much to the annoyance of his peers. Dropping a Waaagh!!! on a Chaos incursion when the rest of his peers were essentially asleep at the wheel was the last straw for many of them, hence the trial.



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You know, if Christian dogma included a ten-foot tall Jesus walking around in battle armor and smashing retarded cultists with a gaint mace, I might just convert - Noble Ire on Jesus smashing Scientologists

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 Post subject:  PostPosted: 2008-05-02 02:36pm
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...You know, after dropping that one-liner in here a few hours ago, it's been running along my brain in the intervening time. Now I've got the mental image of the 'I'm too sexy' music video...mixed with the Emperor ascending from the Throne into the Battle at the End of Time.



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 Post subject:  PostPosted: 2008-05-02 02:41pm
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Great... now someone is going to have to make a filk song about the Emperor singing about how he's too sexy for the Golden Throne...

I was also considering having Mosegi follow up "You Can't Touch This" with a bunch of ratings come in front of the camera and give a rendition of "In the Imperial Navy", but it didn't quite work.



I love learning. Teach me. I will listen.
You know, if Christian dogma included a ten-foot tall Jesus walking around in battle armor and smashing retarded cultists with a gaint mace, I might just convert - Noble Ire on Jesus smashing Scientologists

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 Post subject:  PostPosted: 2008-05-02 07:51pm
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So... question.

Why are you posting this when you never finished the LAST story? I just found and re-read it, and you have them cliff-hanging in a Genetics Lab with the Serpent Sister helping them, and no clue when backup will arrive. :x



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 Post subject:  PostPosted: 2008-05-02 08:07pm
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LadyTevar wrote:
So... question.

Why are you posting this when you never finished the LAST story? I just found and re-read it, and you have them cliff-hanging in a Genetics Lab with the Serpent Sister helping them, and no clue when backup will arrive. :x


For the same reason it takes me eight months to finish a chapter, I suspect. He's a bastard.

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 Post subject:  PostPosted: 2008-05-03 12:54am
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Honestly? Because I had no fucking clue where I was going with the story at a certain point. Oh, I sort of knew what I was doing, but I wasn't entirely happy with what was happening. Then my writer's ADD kicked in and I went "Oooh! Butterfly!" and did something else.

Still, Mosegi is so badass I couldn't let his character die.



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You know, if Christian dogma included a ten-foot tall Jesus walking around in battle armor and smashing retarded cultists with a gaint mace, I might just convert - Noble Ire on Jesus smashing Scientologists

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 Post subject:  PostPosted: 2008-05-03 07:20am
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Academia Nut wrote:
Honestly? Because I had no fucking clue where I was going with the story at a certain point. Oh, I sort of knew what I was doing, but I wasn't entirely happy with what was happening. Then my writer's ADD kicked in and I went "Oooh! Butterfly!" and did something else.

Still, Mosegi is so badass I couldn't let his character die.


I reread the first part of the story yesterday, and I actually like the cliffhanger ending. I imagine the situation was resolved in the Mosegi manner, copious amounts of explosives and violence. :D

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 Post subject:  PostPosted: 2008-05-03 10:39am
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LadyTevar wrote:
So... question.

Why are you posting this when you never finished the LAST story? I just found and re-read it, and you have them cliff-hanging in a Genetics Lab with the Serpent Sister helping them, and no clue when backup will arrive. :x


I have got to agree the last story was soo great I’ve read it about 5 times :) couldn’t you work the ending to that mission into this story kind of like Mosegi reminiscing Rivka Lake about past missions?

just to close that story and to give this one some back story?

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 Post subject:  PostPosted: 2008-05-06 03:55am
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Waving off the other inquisitors, Federov asked, “I too want to know just how exactly you managed to get your hands on the favourite choppa of a major ork Warboss.”

“It wasn’t exactly easy, it took several weeks worth of infiltration, but in the end, we managed to not only get into the system, get a team down to the planet, and then get close to Warboss Magarg, but successfully get away with it. I have an audio recording of the fight and the minutes leading up to it,” Mosegi explained.

“Why do you have an audio recording of such a thing?” Federov asked.

“I took the recording for the purposes of using it to taunt the orks later on,” Mosegi replied with a grin.


“My lord, I must protest. If Dame Lake were to find out about the modifications you’ve made to the plan…” Titus, one of the few inquisitorial storm troopers in Mosegi’s permanent employ, protested quietly.

“Listen, when we get back, Riva will be my problem to deal with,” Mosegi whispered back.

“And Francesca and Margaret and Helena and…” Harrison, a former hive worlder pointed out.

“Hence why there are no females on this mission,” Mosegi said with a roll of his eyes.

“Yeah, but they’re going to take it out on us for not stopping you,” Titus noted.

Shaking his head, Mosegi just replied, “Come now, where is that fearlessness storm troopers are noted for?”

“Do you remember when Francesca got that platoon of Skitarii to back down? You know the ones who had neurosurgery to remove their capacity for fear?” Titus reminded Mosegi.

Mosegi paused for a moment before shrugging and saying, “It was merely the logical choice at the time, I mean… okay, yeah, when Francesca gets mad enough she can be rather intimidating… err… was she the one the Bloodthirster ran away from?”

“Technically that was mostly the damn thing trying to get away from the Pariahs, but yeah, she was there at the time,” Harrison reminded them.

Memory flickering in Mosegi’s eyes, he nodded and said, “Oh yeah! Wait…”

“The Pariahs were the ones who were running from Francesca in the end. Hence why I’m terrified of her,” Titus detailed out.

Right…” Mosegi said with a shake of his finger. “That battle was exceedingly confusing.”

“I think you had hijacked the Dark Eldar jet bike at that point… or maybe that was when you were running it into the Chaos Landraider… honestly, if you hadn’t engineered that four way fight I would say that it was highly contrived,” Harrison said.

Snapping his fingers, Mosegi said, “It was after I crashed the jet bike into the Landraider. The wreckage took out one of their icon bearers, forcing the Bloodthirster to retreat from Francesca and the remaining Pariahs to another icon. I was disoriented at the time as the collision sheared off my left arm so I was looking for my favourite gun.”

“Don’t forget the Immortals that you were drunkenly staggering through,” Titus pointed out. “Considering the fact that my squad had to assault them to try and get you out of there, I certainly won’t.”

“They phased out shortly after that,” Mosegi said somewhat dismissively.

“That’s because my team managed to successfully assault the Monolith and plant the melta charges,” Harrison pointed out.

Appearing out of the shadows, one of the assassins on the team, rather unimaginatively named Shadow, asked, “My lord, is this not supposed to be a stealth operation? Your incessant chattering has already attracted the attention of seven gretchin and two orks.”

“I assume they’ve been taken care of Bob?” Mosegi asked. He used Shadow’s actual name as was his habit to annoy the at times rather pretentious assassin.

Frowning, Shadow asked, “My lord, could you at least call me Robert?”

“No Bob, I will call you Bob until I respect you sufficiently to call you otherwise,” Mosegi said.

“But, but… you use Deadeye’s nickname and it’s far lamer than mine!” Shadow protests.

“First of all, Deadeye doesn’t whine like you do. Second of all, he got his nickname not because he’s a sniper extraordinaire but because he took a round to the face protecting me and lost his right eye, his sniping eye. Man does some ballsy shit like that and I’ll call him whatever the hell he wants me to,” Mosegi replied in annoyance.

“My lord, not to interrupt your conversations, but we’ve pretty much drawn the attention of every ork on this planet at this point,” Deadeye reported from his sniping perch nearby.

“Ah, excellent,” Mosegi replied while checking out his equipment.

“Excellent?” His retinue asked simultaneously.

“Yes. I knew someone would protest my alterations to the plan and an argument would ensue. The orks attracted to us by our bickering are almost certainly more interested in seeing how the argument pans out than shooting us, as we are a rather strange lot here, aren’t we? Of course, now that there is a large crowd of orks standing about our position trying to figure out what is going on, an authority figure will show up to put the boot to their asses. Since we are right outside Magarg’s headquarters, he should be showing up right about now,” Mosegi explained.

Deadeye was silent for a long time before he said, “You scare me sir.”

“I thought so. Incidentally, I’m changing the plan again,” Mosegi noted.

“We’re winging it, aren’t we sir?” Titus asked with a sinking feeling.

Drawing his power sword and his bolt pistol, Mosegi smiled and said, “When aren’t we winging it?”

He then kicked open the door to the ramshackle warehouse they had been hiding in, presenting himself to the assembled crowd of orks gathered about outside. A breeze kicked up and ruffled his long camouflage cloak dramatically. Mosegi just grinned and noted, “Well wasn’t that well timed?”

“Wotcha’ doin’ uumie?” The three and a half metre tall Warboss Magarg asked in a bemused sort of way. This was the heart of ork territory; the world had not seen armed humans on its surface in thousands of years, if ever.

“Me’m ‘ere ter annoy ya an nick ya favourite choppa so dat ya will follow meeb ter da ends o’ da galaxy,” Mosegi admitted.

Laughing, Warboss Magarg lifted up his massive axe and asked, “Dis choppa?”

Deadeye’s sniper round caught the Warboss in his hand, the heavy round loaded up with high explosives, causing the ork to drop the weapon in surprise. The enormous choppa dropped to the ground and crushed a gretchin on impact.

Grinning, Mosegi launched himself forward, power sword humming. His skill in melee combat had improved considerably over the past century since his elevation to the rank of Inquisitor, although he still preferred to just shoot his enemies. Unfortunately, as much as he wanted the ork dead, he needed the xeno to lead its armies in chase so that they could be used against Chaos, and he needed the ork to remember his face, hence the close combat.

One of the ork nobs attached to Magarg’s retinue moved to intercept Mosegi, but a well timed sniper round from Deadeye took its head off. The great bulk tumbled forward, Mosegi using it as a stepping stone to take to the air, leaping over a rather confused looking ork to land in front of Magarg.

Having recovered his choppa with his somewhat mangled but still mostly intact hand, the now enraged ork tried to bisect Mosegi, but the deceptively nimble inquisitor just dove between the huge legs, avoiding the massive swing and getting behind the Warboss. With a flick of his sword, Mosegi scored a line in the ork’s massive suit of armour along the small of the back.

Another ork tried to gut Mosegi, but he elbowed the thing in its apish mouth before shooting it under the chin, blowing off the top of its head. Mosegi said in annoyance, “Excuse me but we’re trying to have a fight here!”

Magarg himself discouraged further interruptions when he sprayed fire from his sidearm, what most Imperial citizens would consider a heavy stubber but was handled like an autopistol by the brutish alien. Theoretically it was an attempt to hit Mosegi, but really he just shot up more of his own men, punctuating it by saying, “Stay outa this! This uumie iz mine!”

“Very sporting of you,” Mosegi noted before shooting the Warboss in the knee. The bolt impacted on the joint and exploded but did very little real damage aside from letting Mosegi dance around the huge but surprisingly agile ork once more to score another slash across his backside.

“You see, what I’m going to do here is to cut open your armour about your buttocks and then spank you with the flat of my sword before disarming you once again, a simple thing to do as your gauntlet is shattered and the hand holding your choppa is still injured. Once I have your choppa in my possession I will activate my homing beacon so that my ship, which is hidden in orbit, will teleport me and my retinue away. I will then run for it, cackling like a mad man at my own brilliance while taunting you all the way,” Mosegi explained while adroitly dodging Magarg’s increasingly furious attacks.

Slipping away from another swipe, Mosegi danced about the ork once more and completed his triangular cut pattern, causing a section of Magarg’s armour to fall away, exposing the ork’s dark green butt for all to see. Of course orks had no sense of shame like humans, but it was still rather embarrassing for Mosegi to do it like that, especially since he could have just as easily run Magarg through three times instead.

Now that Magarg was well and truly pissed and every other syllable out of his mouth was some variation on “WAAAGH!!!” Mosegi was forced back, on the defensive. He quickly holstered his bolter and took hold of his sword with both hands, whipping the blade about in a blurring array of parries against the deadly choppa. Eventually Mosegi just smiled and said, “You know all that stuff I told you? I lied.”

With a blurring motion, Mosegi cut off Magarg’s hand holding the choppa, and as the massive axe hit the ground he wrapped a free hand around the handle before striking the activation rune for his teleport beacon with the butt of his sword. There was a brief moment for the power to hit maximum before there was a discontinuity that resulted in Mosegi and the rest of the team he had taken down to the planet collapsing to the floor of the teleport chamber.

“Well that was fun,” Mosegi noted before looking over at his team. Noting the state some of them were in, he asked, “Do you think the orks figured out that we were screwing with them?”

Phobos and Deimos, twin psykers exceptionally skilled at battlefield control looked at Mosegi with strained expressions before Phobos answered, “I don’t think they noticed us slowing Magarg down so that you could fight him.”

“You fought Warboss Magarg?” Riva screeched out as she entered the chamber.

The rest of Mosegi’s retinue just looked at him and he just shook his head.


Handing his forehead in his hands, Lord Federov just sighed and said, “So once again you act the fool. Is there no limit to your shamelessness?”

“If it means serving the Emperor, not particularly,” Mosegi said with a shrug while Riva tried to look embarrassed for him.

“This recording does bring up one of our particular problems with you Inquisitor Corbath, namely the mention of one Francesca… who I believe was slated for execution before you intervened on her behalf,” one of the other inquisitor’s said while leafing through his notes.

“Francesca had much more to offer the Imperium than as ash scattered between the stars, and I not only personally ensure her continued loyalty to the Emperor, but I have independent check-ups of her done ever two or three years,” Mosegi protested. “Besides, who wouldn’t want a woman capable of scaring off a squad of Necron Pariahs at their side?”

“From the sounds of it that is another story we will have to explore in greater detail in this trial,” Federov noted dryly.

“I made a full report on the incident when it happened, and it was far from the first time I used one enemy of the Imperium against another, although I do admit that up until Horbedan few could rival the messiness of that situation. I had actually intended to get the xenos to deal with each other so that I could focus all of my attention on the Traitor Legions attacking that world, but all three forces arrived simultaneously and things sort of spun out of control from there,” Mosegi explained.

Federov sighed.



I love learning. Teach me. I will listen.
You know, if Christian dogma included a ten-foot tall Jesus walking around in battle armor and smashing retarded cultists with a gaint mace, I might just convert - Noble Ire on Jesus smashing Scientologists

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 Post subject:  PostPosted: 2008-05-08 01:56am
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Location: Edmonton, Alberta
Well, it looks like you were all disastisfied with the last update or I snuck one in under the radar. I presume then that you want to see what happened on the planet rather than something else? Like how he got to the ork world in the first place, or some of the origin stories of the odder members of his retinue?



I love learning. Teach me. I will listen.
You know, if Christian dogma included a ten-foot tall Jesus walking around in battle armor and smashing retarded cultists with a gaint mace, I might just convert - Noble Ire on Jesus smashing Scientologists

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