Star Trek: Voyager--the rewrite (updated 25 October)

[tim31]

I would have assumed the first option, but the second is intriguing... And too easy. I'm betting old Red's got something up his sleeve.

[RedImperator]

Do you have a link to the rough draft? I'd like to see if it's something I'd buy

Ever hear the expression "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" You know, the one that manages to insult women by comparing them to cows and insult men by implying all they're interested in is sex? That sums up what publishing companies think about writers, readers, and releasing stuff on the Internet. Sorry man.

[Solauren]

I must say, you have my curosity up Red. What is the general category of the book you are writing?

[tim31]

As I understand it, it's hard sci-fi, and it's very good. I've taken this at the face value of everyone on this board who has read it, and you should too.

[Kartr_Kana]

I understand Red, just wish I'd taken a gander at it when I had the chance. Do you have a synopsis or anything? Maybe something like what they're going to put on the back once you get published?

tim31 trust but verify

[tim31]

Well have you enjoyed the Voyager rewrite because the concept excites you or because you like Red's narrative stylings? I appreciate enough of the latter to buy his THI when it comes out without reading the blurb. I usually do that with authors whose previous works I've enjoyed. Some times it backfires(see Crichton)

[RazeByFire]

Problem is, the nearest Tactical Expert is currently Chakotay, whom she had recently stunned, and arrested.

Um. Yeah. I'm sure he'd also like the chance to not get killed, and so would help. If Janeway is willing to bend her neck and ask. Then the Val Jean might also stop trying to get him back and work with Voyager again, helping both survive.

I'd really like to see the Val Jean survive. It would be nice to have a scout ship to look things over first, without being a target everyone wants to steal.

[JME2]

I've been playing catch up for the last hour and I've got to say, excellent work, Red. A fantastic take on what VGR could have been.

[Darth Nostril]

Oh you absolute cock, I thought there was an update.

[Soontir C'boath]

I shall compound it further by saying that if a story hadn't been updated for more than a month then you should open the thread with pessimism. Upon seeing it is indeed not an update, you should assume the second email notification you'd inevitably get will just be of someone calling the poster above him a random curse for posting when there is no update.

[RedImperator]

You jerks, I thought there had been an update, too!

Oh wait. There has been.

-----------
The cabin lights were low. Janeway appreciated that. She sat on the bed, legs hanging over the side. Next to her sat Chakotay. She'd insisted the armed guards stay out.

"They were waiting for it," said Janeway. "They didn't just know how to block a transporter bomb, they knew how to throw it back at us."

"How did they do it?"

"They're still analyzing the logs, but the working hypothesis is that they varied their power-up timing."

Chakotay nodded. That's what he would have done. "They're backwards, but they're not stupid," he said. "You know the difference between a tactic and a trick?"

"What's that?"

"A trick only works once."

Janeway sighed. "I killed them."

"Were they the first to die by your orders?"

She shook her head slowly. Chakotay looked puzzled. She explained. "Just before we left. Bujold asked me to send someone to the bridge while the ship was in the Badlands. I volunteered to go myself but she...didn't think my expertise matched her needs. So I flipped through my personnel files until I found someone with experience studying interstellar plasma anomalies--Lieutenant Donaldson. Maria Donaldson, twenty-six, husband and infant son back on Alpha Centauri. The first time I met her was when I told her to report to the bridge."

"And she died in the blowout," said Chakotay.

"Yes," said Janeway.

"It wasn't your fault," said Chakotay.

"I've told myself that. It doesn't seem to be making any difference."

"It never does," said Chakotay.

"How many have you lost?" said Janeway.

"Seventeen," he said.

"How do you cope with it?"

"I tell myself they died for a reason." The words hung in the air.

"Even when they didn't?"

"Gombe and the others bought us time. You said the Kazons have fallen back deeper in the Kuiper Belt, and their scouts are advancing slowly."

"A few hours at most," said Janeway.

"That's better than what we had," said Chakotay.

" We can't hide forever."

"Then let's not. Get the warp core back online and let's show them what this ship can really do."

Janeway shook her head. "There's not enough time. Carey's working as fast as he can, but if the Kazon maintain their approach pattern, they'll be here before he's finished." I waited too long, she thought. My fault. Everything's my fault.

Chakotay had an answer. "Let Torres help. She's spent her entire adult life jerry-rigging warp engines."

Janeway was about to object. Wait, she thought. What's the worst that could happen? We'll all die? She laughed, once, a short bark that she refused to explain to Chakotay. "You're right, why not?" She tapped her commbadge. "Bridge, this is Janeway. Hail Val Jean."

"They're not responding, ma'am. Their communications might be out."

"Understood," said Janeway. Oh, shit. "Oh, shit," she said.

"What?" said Chakotay.

"We knocked out their communications and their sensors. They're blind and deaf out there."

Chakotay's eyes widened. "If they Kazon go after them...Captain, I have to warn them." He seemed to think about it, and then added: "I have to bring them spare parts. If their comms aren't back up now, it's because B'Elana doesn't have the spares to fix it."

"How?"

"I'll take a shuttle."

"We can't lower the shields to let you out," said Janeway.

"We'll phase-invert the shuttle's shields; we'll pass right through Voyager's shields, like a photon torpedo."

"That's incredibly dangerous. If you leave a gap in either sheid, even for a moment..."

"The shuttlebay bulkhead is reinforced, right?" said Chakotay.

Janeway had to check a PADD to find out. "Yes," she said. "But it won't hold ninety atmospheres. Hold on a second." She tapped on the PADD, pulling some (very) rough calculations. "Any gas that enters the shuttlebay from outside will expand and cool before it hits the bulkhead. The shuttlebay is a big space with a lot of room for the gas to expand. As long as the gap in the shields isn't very large or open very long, the pressure from the outside atmosphere won't break the bulkheads." She looked up from the PADD to him. "On the other hand, it will crush the shuttlecraft like an egg."

"I'll take my chances," he said. "I will need a good pilot, though, if we run into trouble."

"I thought you could fly," she said.

"I can, but not well," he said.

"My best shuttle pilot is dead," said Janeway.

"No, he's not."

#

"You're kidding, right?" said Paris.

"No, I'm not," said Janeway. "We need your help."

Paris glared at both of them. "Why should I risk my life to help the Federation or the Maquis."

"Why don't you think about someone besides yourself for once in your sorry life?" said Chakotay.

"I did! Fat lot of good it did me."

"All right, fine," said Janeway. "We'll find someone else. Go back to sickbay."

"Tom, if you don't help me, A'shadieeyah is going to die," said Chakotay.

Paris froze halfway to the doors. He turned around. "She's on Val Jean?"

"Of course she is," said Chakotay.

"Bujold tried to use her against me...I just thought she was lying...shit! Where's the shuttle bay?"

Janeway pointed at a nearby goldshirt. "Take him to the shuttlebay. Mr. Paris, start your pre-flight checklist as soon as you get down there." She tapped her commbadge. "Mr. Carey, has the cargo been delivered yet?"

"Yes, ma'am. One Mark XXI general-purpose sensor pallet. It's been loaded onto the shuttcraft Drake. Crewman Jaxz is waiting there with it."

"You're all set," said Janeway. She glanced at the door through which Paris had vanished. "Is this going to work?"

"Tom Paris is useless as a leader, as a friend, and as a human being in general," said Chakotay. "He's good at two things and two things only: saving his own skin and flying spaceships. Hopefully, I'll be back in an hour."

"That's not exactly reassuring," said Janeway. "Are you sure you don't want a different pilot?"

He shook his head. "I watched Tom Paris run an entire Cardassian wolfpack in circles for three straight days once. You fly with the Maquis, you learn how to fly in hostile territory."

"But you hate each others' guts."

"You learn to make do with what you have in the Maquis, too," said Chakotay. "Besides, I can always kill him later."

Janeway wondered how literal he was being.

"I'd better go," said Chakotay. "One more thing, though. If you don't mind, I have two pieces of advice for you."

"What are they?" she said, expecting some tactical insight that would help them if the Kazon suddenly rushed to Ocampa.

"Number one: get some sleep," he said.

"But there's so much to do," said Janeway.

"Trust your crew to do it," said Chakotay. "They're Starfleet; they can look after themselves for a few hours."

Janeway wanted to argue with him, but the moment he mentioned sleep, it was suddenly as if her mind was full of pancake syrup. She was holding off fatigue by sheer will power and running out of it fast. Voyager was, for the moment, immobile and hidden. If anything was going to go wrong, it would go wrong with or without her on the bridge.

"What's number two?" said Janeway.

"You're in command. You've been in command for hours and you'll be in command for the forseeable future. You should dress the part."

"What do you mean?"

He pointed at her chest. "Put on a red uniform."

"I'm sorry I shot you," said Janeway.

"Ithappens," said Chakotay.

They parted with a salute. Janeway started wandering in the direction of her cabin. She paused a moment to lean against the wall to rest, and was startled to wake up on the floor five minutes later, having fallen asleep standing up.

As it turned out, her cabin had taken a direct hit from a Kazon railgun shell and the entire section was vented to space. She needed to make new arrangements.

"Computer, find the nearest vacant officers' cabin and assign it to me," said Janeway.

There was a chirp and a moment later, the computer gave her a room number on the same deck. It wasn't until she got there that she realized it was Bujold's. A crazy accident or a subtle hint from the machine? She was too tired to care.

As it happened, she and Bujold had been about the same size. She took one of the former captain's uniforms out of her wardrobe and draped it over a chair. How am I going to change uniforms with my damn arm in a sling? she thought. Never mind. It could wait. "Computer, wake me in two hours," she said. She laid down on the bed, flat on her back, eyes closed. She was asleep ten seconds later.

[CaptainChewbacca]

Awesomerageous! Write more, cuz I need more Tom/Chakotay banter.

[RecklessPrudence]

Not much to say, except:

1) Hell Yeah!
2) Please write more soon.
and
3) Damn... I wish the televised Voyager (can't call it the real Voyager, not after reading this) was half as good.

[Soontir C'boath]

"You learn to make do with what you have in the Maquis, too," said Chakotay. "Besides, I can always kill him later."

This is what we needed on the show instead of all the pansy "good guys" we got.

Hmm, last update was back in February so, the next one should come in October.

[tim31]

PAYOFF!

Worth the wait, and very much appreciated! Hope to see the story concluded

[Imperial Overlord]

Good work as usual Red. As someone who had the good fortune to be one of Red's proof readers, his novel is quite good and I'm fairly stingy with that kind of praise. It's definitely worth your money.

[Simon_Jester]

I'm going to join in on the congratulations.

What I really like is the use of scientifically plausible scenarios to create risk (such as we have here with the shuttle trying to exit through the ship's shields in a Venusian atmosphere). I have a certain affection for problems created by unusual conditions and solved through the use of SCIENCE!, but I dislike technobabble. So I always appreciate it when someone takes the trouble to create a more realistic situation like this.

[Crazedwraith]

Excellent stuff. I loved Chakotay's response to 'Sorry I shot you." "Meh. It happens"

And Janeway actually listened to his advice, did canon Janeway, ever do that? Good stuff, its easy to see why she'll assign him XO by the end of the episode.

[Captain Seafort]

And Janeway actually listened to his advice, did canon Janeway, ever do that?

Occasionally. Mostly in S1 and not very often then IIRC. The only good example I can think of was using a Maquis trick to beat a couple of alien cruisers in Ex Post Facto.

[RedImperator]

Bonus update.

------------
"Pre-flight checklist complete. We're ready when you are, Voyager."

"Acknowledged, Drake[/i]. Stand by for launch clearance."

Paris leaned back in his seat and danced his fingers across the Okudagram.

"Do we have the right parts with us?" said Chakotay.

"Yes. I already checked," said Paris.

"Crewman.... Jaxz?" said Chakotay, taking a stab at the pronunciation. "Could you check the cargo for me?"

"I told you I inspected it already," said Paris.

"It's a Mark XXI general-purpose sensor pallet," said Jaxz. He was a short, small alien in a gold uniform, not much bigger than a human twelve year old. Paris couldn't place his species.

"I told you," said Paris. "I'm not an idiot, you know," he muttered.

"Could have fooled me," said Chakotay.

"Drake, this is shuttle control. You're cleared for launch."

"Roger Voyager," said Paris. A few more keystrokes, and Drake rises off the deck and glides into position over the launch zone.

"Matching shield frequency to Voyager," said Chakotay, tapping at his own console. There was a brief blue shimmer outside the cockpit. "Phase inverted."

"Opening shuttle bay doors." Pause. "The chief engineer would appreciate it if we could close them again as quickly as possible."

"Roger that," said Paris.

Ahead of them, the doors drew open like a curtain. A beam of hellish orange light speared Drake, widened to lay across the whole shuttlebay like a disease. Voyager's shield was visibly flashing and crackling.

Paris's finger hovered over the launch button. Neither he nor Chakotay said anything.

"Well," said Paris. "It's now or never." He jabbed the launch button and Drake hurled itself towards the shield. The shuttlebay doors were already sliding closed again.

Drake hit the shield with a bang and rattled so hard Paris thought for a moment they'd screwed up and bounced off. And then they were clear of the nacelles and rising vertically, the shuttle standing on its ass and roaring straight up, trying to clear the troposphere before the atmosphere crushed them. Drake's engines bellowed as Paris forced them through air like ocean water, drowning out the alarms and Crewman Jaxz's shouts. They cleared the canyon walls and there was nothing to see through the cockpit windows except the cloud deck. Paris glanced at the altimiter. The numbers were rising so fast he couldn't read them.

"External pressure falling!" said Paris. "Approching the lower cloud layer."

"Drake this is Voyager. What is your status?"

"Thirty kilometers and climbing, Voyager." The numbers on the external barometer and thermometer were falling. "We're clear of the danger zone." He scanned his sensors, looking for any dangerous weather. "No thunderstorms nearby. We'll clear the atmosphere in ninety seconds."

"The closest Kazon scout is six AUs from here. We're transmitting their coordinates now."

"Acknowledged," said Chakotay. To Paris: "I've got a read on Val Jean." He showed Paris the coordinates.

"It'll take at least an hour to reach them at Warp 4," said Paris. He entered the coordinates. "Engaging." The shuttle zipped away at more than 500 c.

Chakotay kept watching his sensor screen. "Shit," he said. "There's a Kazon scout vectoring right towards them."

"Will we beat them there?"

"Just barely," said Chakotay.

"Does this thing have weapons?" said Paris.

Chakotay tapped on his console. "Type four phasers," he said.

Paris snorted. "They might as well glue a dustbuster to the nacelles," he said (the origin of that nickname for the Federation's standard hand phasers was obscure).

"Kazon shields only partially block phasers," said Chakotay. "On the other hand, their armor holds up fairly well. If we do get into a fight, we'll have to aim for a soft spot."

"What are their scouts like?" said Paris.

"Thirty meters long. Fastest I've ever seen them travel is warp 7. They maneuver pretty badly at sublight; not a lot of thrust for their size."

"We can run rings around them, then," said Paris.

"They're well armed," warned Chakotay. "Their heaviest guns are forward mounted, but they've got good coverage from all angles."

"No FTL sensors?" said Paris.

Chakotay shook his head. "What's the turnaround to warp for this thing?"

"Less than a second," said Paris.

Chakotay nodded. Their strategy for dealing with any scouts, if it came down to that, was clear.

They settled down into an uncomfortable silence that dragged for fifteen minutes. Crewman Jaxz seemed content to sit in back and say nothing to the Maquis.

"So," said Chakotay, "how was prison?"

"Just great," said Paris. "Sorry you missed it."

"Is that why you were on Voyager?"

"Fuck you," said Paris. "I was protecting you guys. I led Bujold on a wild goose chase for eight hours."

"I hear they rescued you from the brig. Looks like you failed that that, too."

"You're welcome," said Paris.

"Oh, get over it," said Chakotay. "Maybe if you didn't run around with that chip on your shoulder all the time, somebody might feel sorry for you."

"That's funny coming from a guy who has such a bad temper he had to be phasered."

"You started that fight," said Chakotay.

"You deserved it," said Paris.

"Why'd you do it, Tom? Why'd you agree to help Bujold in the first place?"

"She offered me parole," said Paris. "I had a choice between another decade on New Senegal or Betazed. Which would you have taken?"

"Are you asking if I'd betray the Maquis to chase Betazed skirt? No, I wouldn't."

"Betazed skirt" made Paris think about Lieutenant Stadi for a moment. He pushed it aside; too weird to deal with now. "I didn't betray you."

"You tried to play it both ways," said Chakotay. "You wanted to help Starfleet enough to get paroled--don't try to deny it; Voyager never could have made it to the Rat's Nest without your help--but not enough to hurt your conscience, such as it is. And it blew up in your face, just like it always does."

When Paris didn't respond, Chakotay pressed on. "In five years, did you ever stop to think about why your time commanding Val Jean was such a disaster?"

"I got unlucky," said Paris. "And then you took advantage."

Chakotay sighed and shook his head. "You're still blaming other people for your mistakes," he said. "You blundered right into a trap. I told you it was a trap beforehand, and you didn't listen. And then you froze solid--three cruisers bearing down on us and you couldn't issue a single order. If I hadn't taken control, we'd all be rotting in a Cardassian prison camp now. Is it any wonder why the crew voted me the new captain?"

"That's not how it happened," said Paris.

Chakotay ignored him. "And before you blame me for you getting caught, you were welcome to stay on Val Jean as a pilot. You were the one who stormed off."

"Now you're really full of shit," said Paris. "Yeah, I was 'welcome' to stay--after you stood up on the bridge and said 'Tom Paris is incompetent to lead, incompetent to fight, and incompetent to be a Maquis, and if you don't vote for me, he's going to get us all killed'. You remember that speech?"

Now it was Chakotay's turn to say nothing.

"The vote was thirty-nine to one," said Paris. "That I wasn't competent to be a Maquis. Would you have stayed?"

"It's irrelevant," said Chakotay. "Nobody ever would have accused me of being one."

"You let a Starfleet spy into your inner circle," said Paris. "Some guerrilla you are."

"Everyone makes mistakes," said Chakotay.

"Yes, they do," said Paris. "Yours was trusting Tuvok. Mine was trusting you."

Silence descended on the shuttle again.

"Anybody want something to eat?" said Jazx.

[CaptainChewbacca]

Dear God, I want to invent some sort of awesomeness award and name it after you!

Paris snorted. "They might as well glue a dustbuster to the nacelles," he said (the origin of that nickname for the Federation's standard hand phasers was obscure).

That wins. HARD.

[The Romulan Republic]

Nice to see this is back, and that the two crews are no longer acting like idiots and are actually trying to work together, unlike a few chapters ago.

[Kodiak]

Dear God, I want to invent some sort of awesomeness award and name it after you!

It's been quite some time, but are we able to award honorary commissions into the People's Republic of Fuck Yeah: Task Force Cunt Puncher? I believe we can find a spot for RedImperator and the MFS Awesomerageous.

[Stofsk]

Good work Red. I'm happy to see this fic updated.

[Darth Yoshi]

Sweetness! Awesome stuff Red, and that last line was hilarious. Some bbcode errors when switching to and from italics during the launch scene, but other than that I didn't see any technical errors.