My Little Warhammer: Friendship is Heresy

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Re: My Little Warhammer: Friendship is Heresy

Post by evilsoup »

Chapter 4 - First Blood
Nine days had passed, and things had got worse for unit 14c. Casari had returned after his beating, his nose flattened against his face and several teeth missing; the sound of breath moving through his shattered face (a sort of wet rattle) kept everyone from sleeping properly, Casari included. Khofi, increasingly paranoid in his interpretations of the unit's every glance, had added another week to their period of half-rations, and the air was far hotter and more stifling than it had any right to be in a controlled environment. The heat exhaustion, sleep deprivation and lack of food were combining to make them fall far behind the other units on their combat training, which lead to more punishment beatings.

At twenty minutes to official wake-up time, Madrin sat up. He looked around the cell and saw that the other nine were still lying down. He blew out through his nose, trying to stop the stench of urine from the piss-bucket by his bed from infiltrating his nostrils. It didn't work - it never worked. His gaze settled on Vimel Casari and he felt the familiar stab of guilt at the sight of his friend's face. He looked at the floor, then at his hand; his stomach rumbled audibly, drawing a breathy laugh from the man sleeping next to him, Ginyard Salsot. Madrin stood, carefully picked his way across the prone men to get to the coathooks on the wall, took his and Casari's jackets.

Over the next few minutes everyone in unit 14c got up and got dressed: with a tired carefulness they checked that their uniforms were in order, then checked each other - Khofi had taken to punishing them collectively, so nobody could afford a uniform violation. At twelve minutes to the official wake-up time, unit 14c were standing to attention in two rows. They stood there, still and silent, for the two minutes until custodian Khofi's walked into view: they took care then to stare directly ahead, to make sure their backs were rod-straight.

Khofi walked cockily into view, flanked by two assistant custodians. He snapped smartly around to face them, malicious grin plastered over his face. Madrin noticed, out of the corner of his eye, that one of the assistant custodians was holding a large bag.

"Right then, you scum. Today is a very important day. We are almost at our destination, you see. Compliance position two, all of you."

They all placed their hands above their heads, fingers threaded. The assistant custodian to Khofi's left unlocked the door and slid it open. Khofi reached into the bag and pulled out a thick metal collar; it was hanging open at a hinge.

"So far, we have been keeping you in line with fear of pain," - his gaze lingered for a moment on Casari - "But in the heat of battle, that is sometimes not enough. These collars will provide a greater fear: they are packed with enough explosives to take your head clean off. And I can trigger any one of them with this." - he waved a little shiny remote control - "And before any of you vermin get any funny ideas: if I die, then three random collars will explode."

Khofi put the remote into his pocket, looked over unit 14c. They were still stnading to attention, but he could see the nervous fear radiating off of them.

"Prisoner 14c01. Larek Dag. Get over here."

----

Dutal was on his knees, scrubbing the floor of the same section of gun-deck corridor that he had cleaned daily from the last three years - not that he knew exactly how long it had been since he had been pressed into service. It was a lonely, mind-destroying task: the only real human contact he had was with his supervisor, and the seven other men who shared his cabin. He hadn't had a proper conversation in all the time he had been on board.

The sound of boots on the metal floor, getting closer: Dutal started working faster; this time, if he sees how hard I'm working, maybe he'll leave me alone. The footsteps stopped at the end of the corridor behind Dutal. For a long moment there was no sound save that of the bristles of the scrubbing-brush rubbing against the floor.

"What are you doing?"

Dutal continued scrubbing, closed his eyes tightly. The footsteps started again, then stopped: Dutal could feel Travis looming over him. He could feel an ache over his back - a memory of old beatings. A part of him wanted to run away, but he knew that would only make things much worse. Another part - a tiny, almost-crushed inch of his being - screamed out to turn around and fight. But it was a very small part.

"You're going too fast, you ... you idiotic shit-head!"

The kick hit Dutal in the stomach, sent him sprawling on the floor. Dutal looked up at Travis, resigned to recieving another beating: he made no movement. Travis spat a green gob of phlegm at him: it clung to his ragged work-clothes.

"Fucking slave. No fucking pride. Stand up, you dog-fucking piece of shit!"

Dutal stood slowly, watching Travis for an indication of another blow, bracing himself against the wall. When Dutal was fully standing, Travis took a step towards him, smiling as the other man flinched at his approach.

"See, now: you've had plenty of time to get used to the job. Keeping the corridor clean, I think that should even be within your sub-human capacity. So that only leaves one explanation." - He delivered a quick jab to the gut, making Dutal double over - "I think you're fucking with me. Stand- STAND THE FUCK UP!"

In spite of the acute pain in his gut, Dutal stood. He felt nauseous; he sputtered:

"N-no, ple-ease-"

"No? Did you just- did I hear right? Are you trying to tell me what to do? Bastard!" - he slapped Dutal's face with the back of his hand - "Whoreson!" - and again. He let out a scream of frustration and kneed Dutal in the groin; Dutal threw up over him.

"You- you dare- you fucking dare to vomit on me, you fucking parasite!?" - he pulled his knife out from his belt, brought it up to Dutal's face:

"I'll teach you a lesson you'll never forget." - he cut across Dutal's cheek, leaving a nasty gash; a flash of white light filled the corridor, though Dutal couldn't see it's source through Travis - "Hm. I wonder if you'll do your job any better with one eye-"

"Stop." - It was a woman's voice, a voice used to command. Travis spun around to face-

It was an impressive sight; the snowy white fur and feathers, the shifting borealan mane blowing in non-existent wind. Celestia walked towards him, hooves making a sharp click as they collided with the metal floor.

"What are you doing to this poor man?" - she was less than a foot from Travis now: panicked, he lunged with his knife; but his arm stopped mid-arc, a shimmering white light surrounding it. He looked at his hand and the winged pegasus in horror as his fingers were pried off of the knife - it didn't hurt, but it was an irresistible force. The knife floated up high, and then flew off behind the alien creature. He felt the pressure on his arm release; the creature turned to Dutal.

"Oh, my, that's a nasty cut ... here, let me-"

Her horn glowed, and so did the cut on Dutal's face. First the pain dulled, then he felt a strange sensation: as though his flesh was knitting together. He reached up and touched his cheek - it was slick with blood, and the flesh felt a little tight, but there was no wound. Dutal looked at Celestia, smiled weakly.

"Uh- ah, thank you."

She nodded.

"You're welcome. I don't suppose you could give me directions to the bridge..?"

"Uh-uhm, I ... I don't know where that is, sorry, I've only ever seen these sections of corridor. A-and the broadside guns."

"I see." - she turned to face Travis - "And do you know where the bridge of this ship is?"

Travis backed away from her, fear in his eyes, urine trickling down his leg. He opened his mouth, but only a quiet whimper emanated. Celestia raised an eyebrow.

"Never mind, I'll find it by myself. And I'll be watching you, so don't do this again."

Her horn glowed, a sphere of bright white light appeared around Celestia, and she disappeared.

----

Breakfast at the custodians' mess was of higher quality to the rank-and-file: today they were being served reclaimed sausages and fried red potato, as opposed to the prisoners' thin algae soup and lentil-bread. Most of the custodians were finishing their meals and getting up to leave, but colonel-custodian Mangum had not had time to eat: he was receiving a very disturbing report.

"All of it?" he was fanning himself with a sheaf of papers, looking at the senior vat-minder disbelievingly. The vat-minder - a lanky, bespectacled man of perhaps forty, with a nervous disposition quite unsuited to space travel - shuffled his feet, forced himself to meet the colonel's gaze.

"S-sir, it's an ongoing situation, with the emperor's blessing we might s-salvage one of the vats, but..." he trailed off, feeling foolish at the colonel's unblinking stare. Mangum leaned forwards in his chair.

"What exactly does this mean?"

"Er, a-at current rates of spoilage, the regiment will have enough food to last for ... maybe a week. Plus their emergency rations, of course-"

"Shut up."

Mangum considered the implications: if the algae vats were spoiled, then the Divine Might of Right would not be able to supply his soldiers with food; not without breaking into the ship's own supplies, which he doubted the fat admiral would countenance. The colonel had no qualms with his prisoners starving, but he had an emperor-sworn duty to make sure they were up to the fight. Maybe we can procure food on the alien world? - he didn't fancy trying whatever monstrous half-formed abominations doubtlessly passed for food amongst these 'Equestrians', but having his soldiers try it-

Mangum's train of thought was interrupted by a commotion outside his door: he could hear the unmistakable sounds of a panicked mass, and his blood ran cold. Are the prisoners rebelling? Surely not-

"Colonel!" - the scared cry from outside snapped him out of his building panic. He picked up his laspistol and walked to the door (ignoring the trembling vat-minder), swung it open and stepped into the custodian's mess.

The entire room was bathed in light; at the centre of the commotion, surrounded by a wide circle of custodians (some staring slack-jawed, some aiming at it, some looking to their weapons in confusion) stood the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. It's wings were flared open, horn glowing, a single front hoof raised curiously. She looked at him and spoke clearly in a woman's voice, with a tone of strained patience.

"You. Are you in charge of these?"

Mangum almost took a step backwards, but the weight of his laspistol gave him strength.

"Yes." - he swung the gun up to shoot-

-and the pistol was pulled out of his hand, thrown across the mess by an invisible force. Celestia started walking towards him, slowly, voice trembling with rage.

"You are in charge of this? You keep these people in cages, brutalise them, injure them!? Is this the camaraderie of the Imperial Guard that I heard so much about?"

She was looming over him now, looking down into his eyes. He could feel his knees going weak. He started patting his belt for his painstick. She continued:

"I will remember your face. I will find you, personally, if you step foot on-"

He swung the painstick up, electricity crackling over its surface, aiming for the creature's neck; it made contact and she screamed, took a step backwards. Mangum could see that he had cut the creature, there was a small amount of red blood seeping from the wound. He stepped forwards to press his advantage: there was a retina-scarringly bright white flash, and the creature disappeared.

----

"Lord Darkium on the bridge!"

The guard's shout made admiral Kil-ban-Ocean jump, releasing a small amount of gas and causing his thurifer to move. The admiral crane his neck to confirm, yes, that damned Inquisitor really is here again, then opened his mouth.

"Ah, Lord-"

"Send the lift down now, admiral."

Kil-ban-Ocean hesitated for a moment, then turned and nodded to one of the tech-priests.

"It's sending it down now, Lord Inquisitor; to what do I owe the honour of this visit?"

There was no reply, only the high-pitched hum of the lift's struggling old motor. Perhaps he's come to complain about the cold again? ...no, he's probably been monitoring on-board communications, he knows about this little problem! The admiral forced his face into the practiced idiot grin that had led many to underestimate him, and the lift shuddered to a halt. Darkium stepped forward, anger painted over his face, loomed over the admiral. Kil-ban-Ocean widened his grin, met the Inquisitor's gaze.

"Why was I not informed immediately of the situation?"

"I assume you are referring to these reports of an alien on my sh-"

"You know damned well what I am talking about, admiral. Why was I not informed the instant you heard about this intrusion?"

"Lord Inquisitor, I was about to contact you. I did not wish to warn you until I was sure that these reports were accurate-"

The Inquisitor took another step forwards, hand resting on the butt of his pistol.

"It is not for you to make those judgements, admiral. This ship is seconded to me, and you command it by my sufferance. Do you understand?"

The admiral narrowed his eyes, dropped the smile. He felt his lip twisting into a snarl of contempt, but had enough self-control to stop that.

"Yes. I understand."

"When was the first report of the alien's presence?"

Kil-ban-Ocean glanced at the gold-plated Holy Timekeeper to his side, then back to the Inquisitor.

"About forty minutes ago."

"Within an hour of returning to realspace."

"Yes."

Darkium gave him a cold look.

"That was not a question. How far are we from the planet?"

"At our current speed, we should be in position to deploy the soldiers in just under seventeen hours."

"Can we-"

White light and a sound of held breath being released both came from behind Darkium; then there was the sound of regularly beating wings.

A long while ago - when he was barely a fully-fledged Inquisitor - Grimmus Darkium had killed a daemon. It had been on the garden-world of Gaiala, in the aftermath of a foiled Eldar plan: of course, it had turned out that they were the only thing holding back the warp-spawned monstrosity. The daemon - a vast, wriggling mass of slime and toothed tendrils - had seemed fundamentally unreal; sickeningly out-of-focus.

The alien creature hovering in front of him, beating it's wings to keep level with the admiral's podium, gave quite the opposite effect. It looked somehow more real than the command chamber. The white of it's hair and feathers, the clear pink of it's large eyes, the shifting colours of it's mane and tail; all contrasted strikingly with the foreboding darkness and garishly-impressive gold of the surroundings: but something else drew his gaze. It was as if the alien was bleeding into the foreground.

It had an impressive, regal presence. Grimmus took a second to glance around: the admiral and his thurifer were gazing, slack-jawed, in awe of the alien. Kil-ban-Ocena's bodyguard was slowly lowering his arms, trying to take in what was going on; one of the tech-priests was looking, confused, while another was too engrossed in whatever systems he was monitoring to pay any attention. The alien spoke with the voice of a woman, and Grimmus' attention snapped to it.

"So," she said in a calm tone that (Grimmus suspected, from the heavy bruise on the neck) hid whatever emotions she was feeling; "which one of you is the leader?"

The question snapped Grimmus out of the daze the alien's appearance had caused; in two jerking, lightning-fast movements he pulled out his plasma pistol and took aim.

"SHOOT IT!" he shouted, a fraction of a second before his finger recognised a disturbing smoothness where his pistol's trigger should have been. There was a horrible weight in the pit of his stomach that only grew heavier as he looked at his gun, confirming that the trigger was missing. A quick glance over the side of the podium told him that the command chamber's guards were experiencing the same problem.

"That would be you, then. What is your name?"

The alien was slowly moving closer. Grimmus dropped his pistol, moved his arms to be ready to grab his sword and strike; I'll play along, to buy time...

"I am Lord Darkium, of the Holy Inqui-"

"You're an Inquisitor? You were the one to find out about us?"

It knows of the Inquisition? That traitor Raleigh must have told them ... she's nearly close enough now...

"That I was."

"Wel Raleigh didn't give you this information freely. Is he dead?"

"YES!" - Grimmus pulled out his sword and lunged at the creature; but a sudden force acted over his whole body. He was stuck mid-arc, a pale light playing over him. Celestia looked at his sword with an expression of disdain: with a creak the blade began to bend - all the way around, until the end was pointing at Grimmus's eye, mere inches from his face. She landed on the lift platform, but kept her wings erect. She looked to one of the tech-priests and clicked in the static-esque secret language of the Mechanicum. The tech-priest was stunned into silence for a few seconds, then replied; the alien let out another short burst, and the tech-priest turned to his console.

"What are you- how do you know the language of the tech-priests?" - it was Kil-ban-Ocean; "What did you say!?"

The winged unicorn ignored him and looked at Grimmus. Suddenly he felt the pressure holding him in place leave; he stumbled uncouthly and dropped his sword off the side of the podium.

"How did he die?"

Grimmus met her gaze, his upper lip curved up with contempt.

"Slowly."

"And his daughter?"

"Hah! It's only a matter of time before my agents find her-"

"In the Emperor's name," - it was Kil-ban-Ocean; "What is going on!? Who- what are you?"

"She's a- a daemon!"

This elicited a snort of laughter from Celestia.

"Oho! Daemon! You are a very limited little person, aren't you? I'm no daemon. There is a word to describe me, but daemon is certainly not it."

Kil-ban-Ocean was on his feet now.

"Then what are you?"

She finally deigned to look at him now, the slightest hint of a smile emerging on her face.

"I raise the sun every morning, and I raise the moon every night. That is not a boast, or a metaphor: I have just told your tech-priest to look at the orbital mechanics of this system. When he is done he will tell you that they do not make sense, not without some outside force. I am that force. What do you think would be the right word?"

"Heresy!" sputtered Grimmus; "The God-Emperor of Mankind is the only true god! I know what you are, I name you-"

Celestia took a step towards the Inquisitor, looking deep into his eyes.

"You do not know what I am, little man! If you did you would turn this ship around, and run back to your home, and hide in your bed, and pray to your corpse of a god that I do not come to seek revenge for the murder of my friend!"

Grimmus fell flat on his arse; for the first time in a long time he felt fear. He opened his mouth to speak, but his lips felt numb; there was a flash of light over his lower face, and they had been transformed into two tracks of a zipper, which promptly closed. Celestia rested a hoof on his chest.

"That's enough out of you." - she turned her head to face the admiral; "I know that you are here to kill us all. Before you make the attempt, you should know something: the value we place on friendship. We are kind and generous to strangers: we offer them food, and shelter, and whatever we can afford to give. But if that stranger were to harm our friends, we would not be quick to forgive. If someone was so foolish as to kill one of my friends - well. I would make sure they were unable to do so again. Wel Raleigh was my friend. I helped to raise his daughter - and if anything had happened to her, it would be the worse for you. His murderer will be punished."

She took her hoof off of Grimmus and turned to face the admiral fully; she spoke louder now, making sure the whole command center could hear.

"The only thing stopping me from tearing your Imperium apart is the knowledge of the toll it would take on my little ponies. But know this, admiral: for every hair put out of place on the manes of every pony killed, or hurt, or inconvenienced by your invasion; I will rip a whole world out of your reach."

There was silence for half a minute; Kil-ban-Ocean was speechless, and nobody else would dare speak up. Celestia smirked; her horn glowed brightly for an instant, and then she and the Inquisitor disappeared in a flash of light.
Last edited by evilsoup on 2011-08-17 11:48am, edited 1 time in total.
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My Little Warhammer: Friendship is Heresy - Latest Chapter: 7 - Rainbow Crash
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Re: My Little Warhammer: Friendship is Heresy

Post by open_sketchbook »

Oh damn, that was totally badass.
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Think about it.

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Re: My Little Warhammer: Friendship is Heresy

Post by Darksider »

meh. Whenever someone tries to make girly or kiddy cartoons look badass, it just kinda makes me laugh.

My prediction, the Guard will steamroll whatever forces the ponies can muster against them, but inquisitor moron's decision to proceed ahead of the rest of the battle group will be their undoing. His compliment seems to consist primarily of prison-slaves kept in check with beatings and threats, and his supplies of food have just been cut off. I suspect the fact that the ponies will treat the guardsmen better than their own commanders will lead to a rather bloody mutiny which will save equestria. At least until the rest of the guard force shows up. Then comes the glue-making.
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Re: My Little Warhammer: Friendship is Heresy

Post by Crossroads Inc. »

There has always been a part of me that has been of two minds on Celestia.
She is "supposed" to be essentially a creator "god", controlling the sun, moon, and all aspects of a planet
However we see little to know examples of her power demonstrated in any onscreen evidence. When there is trouble she has a habit of using young inexperienced ponies to help.
Thusly there are two options:

One: She is not as powerful as she claims, and rules through a mix of fear and respect, using others to do what she may not be able to.
Two: She IS a powerful as she is supposed to be, and runs the planet of Equestria as a mere plaything to amuse herself.

This fic supports option number two, which has always been my personal favorite option. The very idea that the happy carefree world of Equestria could exist within the same universe as GRIMDARK WH40k, where dark corruptive forces seek to spread chaos to every world, every being, where no place is left untouched by war or death; if this is indeed the case and the world of ponies is still an Eden in such a universe, it means that Celestia may truly be "that" powerful, and above all else simply wish to be left alone.

Fantastic stuff mr.Soup, do continue.
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Re: My Little Warhammer: Friendship is Heresy

Post by Purple »

evilsoup, you my man are the definition of genius. You answer questions that I newer thought to asks in ways that I can not begin to imagine.

Ave Equestria
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You win. There, I have said it.

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Re: My Little Warhammer: Friendship is Heresy

Post by Zixinus »

I donnu. I sort of think that she sort of descended to their level.
Unlike some here, I never quite imagined Celestia as an actually all-powerful ruler that is underneath a massive asshole. More like a mother-figure.

Still though, anything that smacks the Imperium around for the sake of how big of an asshole they can be.
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Re: My Little Warhammer: Friendship is Heresy

Post by LadyTevar »

Or, like the rest of the Gods, she is limited to working through minions with only occasional Avatars like she did on the ship.
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Re: My Little Warhammer: Friendship is Heresy

Post by Crossroads Inc. »

LadyTevar wrote:Or, like the rest of the Gods, she is limited to working through minions with only occasional Avatars like she did on the ship.
Agreed, one of the main traits of 'most' Gods in Fiction is that, while being "All Powerful" they tend to employ others to do their work.

However I will agree with something Zixinus, that of Celestia being "Motherly"
With the popularity of "Trollestia" it is hard not to fall into of the Meme of seeing her as an 'asshole' or out to dick around with others. but from everything in the show (the highest form of Canon after all) We have only ever seen her as truly caring, heartfelt and protective. As many know the old saying "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" Well the only thing more frightening then a woman scorned, is a Mother scorned.
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Re: My Little Warhammer: Friendship is Heresy

Post by Darksider »

I have a question that's been bugging me for a while.

How are you going to have the ponies react to the sheer level of violence and brutality present in 40k-style warfare? Everything i've seen of the show seems to indicate that the ponies lifestyle can only be described as idyllic. Yes, there is some violence shown, but it's always of the "loony toons" comedic variety. To the best of my knowledge (Which is admittedly rather limited) the show doesn't present a single drop of blood. How are the ponies going to react when their friends get their heads exploded by bolters, or gutted like fish with chainswords? These are events that they shouldn't be mentally prepared to handle.
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Re: My Little Warhammer: Friendship is Heresy

Post by evilsoup »

Wait. Did Celestia come across as an dick? That certainly wasn't my intention. First, you have to bear in mind that she was willing to banish her own sister to the moon for a thousand years to protect the rest of the ponies; I don't think trying to intimidate a bunch of space-assholes who are coming to her world with the explicit intention of genociding her people is either out-of-character or particularly dickish. 'Descending to their level' would be killing the crew, taking the ship and slaughtering a couple of planets worth of humans; whereas she healed a member of the crew and told a colonel to stop being such a raging asshole to his regiment.
Darksider wrote:I have a question that's been bugging me for a while.

How are you going to have the ponies react to the sheer level of violence and brutality present in 40k-style warfare? Everything i've seen of the show seems to indicate that the ponies lifestyle can only be described as idyllic. Yes, there is some violence shown, but it's always of the "loony toons" comedic variety. To the best of my knowledge (Which is admittedly rather limited) the show doesn't present a single drop of blood. How are the ponies going to react when their friends get their heads exploded by bolters, or gutted like fish with chainswords? These are events that they shouldn't be mentally prepared to handle.
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Re: My Little Warhammer: Friendship is Heresy

Post by lordofchange13 »

this may be unimportant but: how does the magic the pony's use work? is it warp based for some sort of sufficiently advanced tech that they don't understand? Also as far as have ever been shown the pony's have no weapons besides perhaps knives (or any industrial tech what so ever), im really interested how they will fight of humans with weapons that blow you to tiny chucks with a few hits. I really liked the part about one of the IG soldiers wanting to rape a horse(will be funny when the inquisitor splodes his head for conferring with a alien).
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Re: My Little Warhammer: Friendship is Heresy

Post by Grimnosh »

lordofchange13 wrote:this may be unimportant but: how does the magic the pony's use work? is it warp based for some sort of sufficiently advanced tech that they don't understand? Also as far as have ever been shown the pony's have no weapons besides perhaps knives (or any industrial tech what so ever), im really interested how they will fight of humans with weapons that blow you to tiny chucks with a few hits. I really liked the part about one of the IG soldiers wanting to rape a horse(will be funny when the inquisitor splodes his head for conferring with a alien).
Well you have to remember a couple of things.
#1 While they do not have weapons, some of them can move increadbly fast and also have the strength of a pony while some are stronger. While its not as strong as a horse a pony's kick will still hurt like hell and can cause a decent bit of trauma.

#2 The magic the ponies use can be based in many ways (warp based, granted by Celestria like a priest's prayer, toad sacrifices, or similar to wizards/magicusers from D&D, whatever), but in general it seems to avoid most offensive types according to the show. However Twilight was practicing teleporting rocks which was supposed to be advanced magic. The advanced magic that they have could also include more offensive spells (fireballs, lightning, thermal nuclear explosions, ect), and the application of nonoffensive magics can be used to stop attackers by say teleporting thier weapons to a difffrent location.... such as suborbital space for example, where it'll provide a nice skyshow with a lemon russ main battle tank and an accompining a scattering of lasguns and heavy bolters as they burn up on reentery.

#3 The soldier that was suggesting horserape wasn't Imperial Guard but a Penal Legionarre. He's in the legion until he dies for crimes against the Imperium and as such doesn't get ANY of the benifits that IG would normally get such as decent health care should he get wounded, bad food, and absolutely no form of leave or vacation. This means that once he's in there, he isn't going to get any form of sex EXCEPT while in the field (Commissars get rather [understatement] unpleasent [/understatement] at anything that could cause dissention in the ranks and being a shower bitch (or using one) would most definatly qualify as such). As such it could have been years sense he last had a piece of ass and as such wouldn't be picky about what or where he could get some... or he could come from an agri-world where beastiallity isn't quite so uncommon and as such is less repulsive to him then others.

#4 The Inquisitor currently has more important things to deal with right now then a soldier with sex issues.
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Re: My Little Warhammer: Friendship is Heresy

Post by evilsoup »

lordofchange13 wrote:Questions
Again, you'll just have to wait and see.
Grimnosh wrote: #3 The soldier that was suggesting horserape wasn't Imperial Guard but a Penal Legionarre. He's in the legion until he dies for crimes against the Imperium and as such doesn't get ANY of the benifits that IG would normally get such as decent health care should he get wounded, bad food, and absolutely no form of leave or vacation. This means that once he's in there, he isn't going to get any form of sex EXCEPT while in the field (Commissars get rather [understatement] unpleasent [/understatement] at anything that could cause dissention in the ranks and being a shower bitch (or using one) would most definatly qualify as such). As such it could have been years sense he last had a piece of ass and as such wouldn't be picky about what or where he could get some... or he could come from an agri-world where beastiallity isn't quite so uncommon and as such is less repulsive to him then others.
I can see why you would think it, but I don't intend for the 9th Akarak to be 'penal legion' in the proper sense of the word; rather, the government of Akarak decides to fulfil their tithe to the Imperium by emptying their prisons. Why would the Imperium accept such clearly inferior troops? Well, this is why they are called the 'Demoralisers': when a world is rebelling too often, units like the Akarak will be sent in to demoralise the civilian population.

You are right about their being much less prison-rape than one would expect from such a situation: it is standard Akarak procedure to deny any of their prisoner-soldiers any kind of sexual release, so that they will be properly frustrated on arrival. That is also the reason (apart from human psychology) for the over-the-top abuse of the officers towards their soldiers: to alienate their soldiers from humanity and break down any remaining psychological barriers to violence towards human civilians (as opposed to soldiers or aliens that most of the IG are willing to fight).

The good Inquisitor left to destroy the ponies in rather a hurry, and took whatever forces he could get (which also handily explains the lack of commissars amongst the ranks - the regiment was not at the stage of deployment when commissars would be attached by the Departmento Munitorum); based on the information gained from his investigations, the only thing really special about the ponies is their ability to befriend anyone (which he interprets as psychic domination), and so even a low-quality regiment like the 9th Akarak should be able to do a lot of damage.
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Re: My Little Warhammer: Friendship is Heresy

Post by Darksider »

so let me get this straight. The Imperium is about to turn a bunch of sex-starved criminal lunatics who've been constantly beaten down loose on the ponies, with little or no commissariat oversight?

Yeesh. This is gonna be messy, although the lack of commissars is really going to bite them in the ass when the inevitable revolt comes

(I'm assuming that that's how you plan on resolving the plot, as there is literally nothing the ponies have that can stand up to a proper guard regiment.)

Also, what is the loadout of the guard troops here? Since they're essentially penal legionnaires, I assume they don't have much in the way of armor or artillery.
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Re: My Little Warhammer: Friendship is Heresy

Post by lordofchange13 »

A question i really want answered: does there unicorn magic have offensive spells? and do the ponies have any real capability of forming a resistance(like a militia,don't think Celestia has an army) to the invading human scum? On a lesser note is there any possibility to weaponizing pinky pies physics breaking ability;would be really badass to have imperial soldiers defeated from a hoping air head.
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Re: My Little Warhammer: Friendship is Heresy

Post by Xon »

LadyTevar wrote:Or, like the rest of the Gods, she is limited to working through minions with only occasional Avatars like she did on the ship.
Equestria is a remarkable well organised country which runs itself at almost every level without the direct intervention of the local sun-goddess. Besides for making the orbital mechanics 'work', there really isn't much call for Celestia to interfere with the daily activities of Ponyville. Even the more exceptional events are easily handled by the locals.

There is always the option she is training up the holders of the Elements of Harmony, and interfering defeats the entire point.
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Re: My Little Warhammer: Friendship is Heresy

Post by Grimnosh »

evilsoup wrote:
Grimnosh wrote: #3 The soldier that was suggesting horserape wasn't Imperial Guard but a Penal Legionarre. He's in the legion until he dies for crimes against the Imperium and as such doesn't get ANY of the benifits that IG would normally get such as decent health care should he get wounded, bad food, and absolutely no form of leave or vacation. This means that once he's in there, he isn't going to get any form of sex EXCEPT while in the field (Commissars get rather [understatement] unpleasent [/understatement] at anything that could cause dissention in the ranks and being a shower bitch (or using one) would most definatly qualify as such). As such it could have been years sense he last had a piece of ass and as such wouldn't be picky about what or where he could get some... or he could come from an agri-world where beastiallity isn't quite so uncommon and as such is less repulsive to him then others.
I can see why you would think it, but I don't intend for the 9th Akarak to be 'penal legion' in the proper sense of the word; rather, the government of Akarak decides to fulfil their tithe to the Imperium by emptying their prisons. Why would the Imperium accept such clearly inferior troops? Well, this is why they are called the 'Demoralisers': when a world is rebelling too often, units like the Akarak will be sent in to demoralise the civilian population.

You are right about their being much less prison-rape than one would expect from such a situation: it is standard Akarak procedure to deny any of their prisoner-soldiers any kind of sexual release, so that they will be properly frustrated on arrival. That is also the reason (apart from human psychology) for the over-the-top abuse of the officers towards their soldiers: to alienate their soldiers from humanity and break down any remaining psychological barriers to violence towards human civilians (as opposed to soldiers or aliens that most of the IG are willing to fight).
It should be noted that a lot of planets in the Imperium (such as Necromunda, Stranivar, and Lubiyanka among many other hive and/or forge worlds) to empty thier prisons for use by the Imperial Guard and Imperial Navy as penal legions and untrained ship ratings where they are used to provide cannon fodder (guard) and brute muscle as ship crew (navy). Usually this is done during war efforts in response to attacks (such as a Black Crusade or Hive Fleet incursion) but can also be done to support Imperial efforts to claim new worlds for the Imperium.

Over all the Akarak legions are not unique among the rest of the penal legions as sexual relations among the prisoners is very bad for disipline and as such is suppressed by thier handlers, but I will admit that most penal legions are usually sent to places where they are used for meatgrinder campainges against the enemies of the Imperium instead of rebelling worlds. Usually rebelling worlds are just reconqured, thier leaders executed, and recieve a (very) heavy occupation force (often one or more of the regiments that retook it) with a large detacthment from the Adeptus Arbites to maintain the peace. It also isn't unusual for an Inquisitor (or more then one) to take some time to go undercover and snoop around looking for hersey and other signs of trouble, perticularly if the world has a history of repeated successful rebellions. If the Arbites and PDF are doing thier job and keep slapping the revolutionaries down then the Inquisition will usually not spend much time there. However the Inquisition has been know to make exceptions from time to time.
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Re: My Little Warhammer: Friendship is Heresy

Post by NecronLord »

lordofchange13 wrote:(or any industrial tech what so ever),
They can build high rise buildings and railway lines, despite the bizzare way they run their trains. At the very least they must have mid to late 1800s industrial technology somewhere. The mere existence of these things implies that they must have mastered comparatively sophisticated metal casting.

They also have a modest amount of electricity, though no mass media they have been demonstrated using grammaphones and loudspeakers. Given the lack of sockets, this implies that they have batteries, and therefore battery factories somewhere.
lordofchange13 wrote:do the ponies have any real capability of forming a resistance(like a militia,don't think Celestia has an army)
She has some guards. Quite how many there are is unknown.
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Re: My Little Warhammer: Friendship is Heresy

Post by lordofchange13 »

NecronLord wrote:
lordofchange13 wrote:
lordofchange13 wrote:do the ponies have any real capability of forming a resistance(like a militia,don't think Celestia has an army)
She has some guards. Quite how many there are is unknown.
the guards aren't shown to have weapons, and there usually not unicorns so they cant have magic.
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Re: My Little Warhammer: Friendship is Heresy

Post by Hawkwings »

Considering 4 earth ponies can pull a train at high speed while bodychecking buffalo twice their size, who says they need weapons?
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Re: My Little Warhammer: Friendship is Heresy

Post by dworkin »

evilsoup wrote:"You do not know what I am, little man! If you did you would turn this ship around, and run back to your home, and hide in your bed, and pray to your corpse of a god that I do not come to seek revenge for the murder of my friend!"
Well, that says a lot. Whether Celestia knows it or not that is a stock phrase of the ruinous powers and their little playmates.
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Re: My Little Warhammer: Friendship is Heresy

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Not really. Chaos would be more along the lines of 'run home and pray that I do not follow you and rape your eyesockets and eat your soul'. Chaos wouldn't care about avenging a friend, though I suppose a daemon might resent the loss of a particularly amusing plaything.
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Re: My Little Warhammer: Friendship is Heresy

Post by PhilosopherOfSorts »

I think he meant the "corpse of a god" part.
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Re: My Little Warhammer: Friendship is Heresy

Post by Night_stalker »

Which is not going to really make any Imperial just turn around, I mean, COME ON!

You just insulted their God, that usually doesn't bode well with fanatics...
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Re: My Little Warhammer: Friendship is Heresy

Post by dworkin »

I don't think it will make them run away. It will just confirm for their little grimdark minds what they're facing.
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