Star Trek: Voyager--the rewrite (updated 25 October)

[RedImperator]

Awesome. Neelix is a little more interesting, though as a writers note 'spinward' got used a bit too often for my liking.

And 'services'? *shudder*

I feel like it's a pretty natural way to describe direction in the galaxy, though, especially since every culture would have its own definition of "galactic east" or whatever, whereas the galaxy spins in the same direction everywhere.

[JonB]

Neelix refers to Light-years as a unit of distance. Is he talking Talaxian years, or did Voyager also pick up his units of measurement and convert to Human/Federation Light years?

[RedImperator]

Neelix refers to Light-years as a unit of distance. Is he talking Talaxian years, or did Voyager also pick up his units of measurement and convert to Human/Federation Light years?

Assume the universal translator converted his light years into Federation light years, the same way aliens on the show always make references to meters or kilograms or whatever.

[Themightytom]

I definitely like janeway bumbling along with Chakotay giving her advice via PiP



It seems not only is janeway pushing herself too hard, she is so far gone she is surprised others are making common sense decisions.

Excellent jem'hadar reference although i'm a little surprised they didn't ahve more lucka gainst the Kaazon.

Neelix is well handled, you didn't reboot nhim you just recharacterized him, although in the pilot he was more or less benign at the first meeting.

[Simon_Jester]

It seems not only is janeway pushing herself too hard, she is so far gone she is surprised others are making common sense decisions.

Could you give a few specific examples? I don't disagree, but I'm not seeing the things you're thinking of.

Excellent jem'hadar reference although i'm a little surprised they didn't ahve more lucka gainst the Kaazon.

May have just been one of those little bug-ships, and they were probably badly damaged.

Neelix is well handled, you didn't reboot nhim you just recharacterized him, although in the pilot he was more or less benign at the first meeting.

He's a trader operating on the fringes of civilized society, right? Generally, people like that aren't going to be benign bumblers; if they were they'd be dead.

[The Romulan Republic]

It would be interesting if, and I'm just speculating here, Neelix's persona is a bit of a front or pretense he puts on when dealing with other people.

I'll second Themightytom in saying I loved the Jem'Hadar reference.

[Flameblade]

Excellent jem'hadar reference although i'm a little surprised they didn't ahve more lucka gainst the Kaazon.

I wouldn't think that the Jem'Hadar would have much in the way of excess engineering crews to get their ship up and going again after the sort of catastrophic damage that the caretaker inflicts.

[Burak Gazan]

Could you give a few specific examples? I don't disagree, but I'm not seeing the things you're thinking of.

When Vorick calls to report the electrical fault, he mentions Carey and Rodriguez are getting some sleep; her first response is she didnt order that -- she seems to think since she can go sleep-deprived and overcaffinated, everyone else should too; not smart when you trying to fix a busted warp engine and antimatter reactor I suspect

Great stuff, loving this

[Themightytom]

Could you give a few specific examples? I don't disagree, but I'm not seeing the things you're thinking of.

When Vorick calls to report the electrical fault, he mentions Carey and Rodriguez are getting some sleep; her first response is she didnt order that -- she seems to think since she can go sleep-deprived and overcaffinated, everyone else should too; not smart when you trying to fix a busted warp engine and antimatter reactor I suspect

Great stuff, loving this

Right , Simon how'd you miss that? I was virtually WATCHING for it after the whole nodding off in front of Tuvok/ multiple cups of ccoffee situation in the last post.

I suppose the jem"hadar could have been seriously damaged, but if it was still battle ready, I would think its advantages in maneuverability would have made the diffference as the Kaazon ship in the pilot wasn't exacltty turning on a dime, also the whole "ZOMG! Polaron weapons bypass shields!" assuming delta quadrant ships ahve the same weakness.

Edited to be less rude.

[RedImperator]

In the episode "The Jem'Hadar", the bugships ram Odyssey even though it was retreating, they could outmaneuver it, and there was no reason why their weapons couldn't have finished it off. They did it to send a message--"We are crazy-ass motherfuckers and we're happy to die if we can take you with us. Don't even think about fucking with us."

Besides, the Kazon ships don't need to outmaneuver a bugship. That's why turrets were invented.

[RedImperator]

Voyager

"Well, what do you think?" said Janeway. She, Chakotay, and Tuvok sat alone in the science department conference room. Janeway had another coffee. Her stomach was churning and she had to piss every fifteen minutes, but she kept chugging it down.

"Assuming he was telling the whole truth," said Tuvok, "We may not have many options."

"The whole truth?" said Chakotay. "Do you think he was lying?"

"That possibility cannot be ruled out," said Tuvok. "However, I find it more likely that an impoverished scrap merchant simply does not have access to all the information the de facto local authorities do."

"You're saying we have to talk to the Kazons," said Janeway.

"That may be necessary," said Tuvok.

"Fantastic," said Janeway. "I'm sure they'll be in the mood to help us."

"Maybe," said Chakotay. "That depends on if we can offer them something they want."

"Such as?" said Janeway.

Chakotay waved his arm. "Transporters. Subspace sensors. Phasers. Replicators. Better shields, better computers. Holodecks. Take your pick."

"Absolutely not," said Janeway. "The Prime Directive forbids it."

"They're warp capable," said Chakotay. "The Prime Directive doesn't apply."

"That's bullshit and you know it," said Janeway. "You used to be a Starfleet officer; you know the Prime Directive has shades of meaning. We can make contact with warp-capable civilizations. We still can't interfere with their development by giving them technology centuries more advanced than their own. And then there's the follow-on effect: giving them advanced technology would absolutely upset the balance of power here, upsetting the development of hundreds, possibly thousands of cultures. And finally, I don't know if you noticed, but you just proposed giving sensitive Federation technology to a species which fired on a Federation starship without warning just yesterday. All in the hope they know something about the Caretaker that could get us home? No, absolutely not."

Chakotay was clearly not a man used to being told his ideas were "bullshit". "Commander Janeway, you're right about exactly one thing: I used to be a Starfleet officer. I'm not anymore, and Val Jean isn't a starfleet ship. I put about as much stock in the Federation's precious principles as the Federation council did when it abandoned my world to the Cardassians. If you're not willing to set aside the Prime Directive for the sake of our two crews, I'll go to them myself."

"If you try to compromise the Federation's strategic interests--"

"What strategic interests? What will a bunch of barbarian pirates on the other side of the galaxy do to the Federation? Use the Caretaker to make raids on the Alpha Quadrant?"

"Maybe," said Janeway.

"Now you're the one talking bullshit," said Chakotay. "If the Kazon could figure out the Caretaker, they'd have done it by now. They're no threat to you even if they have replicators or a handful of photon torpedoes or anything else. I don't think you even care about that. It's all about the Prime Directive to you."

"The crew of this ship took an oath to uphold the Prime Directive, even if it costs us our lives," said Janeway.

"Mine didn't," said Chakotay. He stood up. "You can't stop me. I won't lie: I'd rather do this together, but if I have to go it alone, I will."

Janeway stood too. She didn't know what she was even going to say. In the back of her head was the knowledge that Voyager's weapons were online again.

The doors hissed open. Tom Paris walked in, wearing a borrowed blue uniform and holidng a medical tricorder. "Captain, the Doctor wanted to remind you that he needs to examine your shoulder again, but the comms aren't working, so he sent...me." He trailed off. He was looking directly at Chakotay.

Chakotay was looking directly back at him. His mouth was hanging open.

"You son of a bitch," said Chakotay. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Hello, Chakotay," said Paris. "Miss me?"

"How much did they offer you to sell out the Maquis?"

"I don't know. How much did they offer you to steal my ship and dump me in Starfleet's lap?"

"Fuck you," said Chakotay. "I won that election fair and square. Maybe if you weren't absolutely worthless as a commander, your crew wouldn't have voted for me. Even your girlfriend wanted me, not you."

Paris wound up and thre the tricorder at Chakotary's head. Chakotay ducked, vaulted the table, and charged.

#

Paris had forgotten Chakotay's hobby was boxing. The big man knocked Paris off-balance with his charge, then drilled him with a right hook to the temple that sent him sprawling. Chakotay hauled Paris back to his feet and delivered a body-blow to the solar plexus which blasted all the air out of Paris's lungs. Paris staggered backwards, breathless, dazed, and reeling, his vision blurred. Chakotay was winding up for another punch to the head.

Suddenly, Tuvok grabbed Chakotay's arm. Chakotay wheeled on the Vulcan. "What the hell are you doing?" he said.

"Captain--" started Tuvok, but he didn't finished because Paris took advatage with an off-blance swat at Chakotay's right ear that miraculously connected. Chakotay shook off Tuvok and turned on Paris.

"You're really going to get it now," said Chakotay.

"Tuvok is a Starfleet spy!" gasped Paris.

Chakotay froze. "You're full of shit," he said.

"Oh yeah? Why do you think Starfleet came looking for you? You think they give a shit about you? They wanted to get their man back." Paris folded over, fell. He could barely breathe.

Chakotay turned to Janeway. "Is this true?"

And Janeway--inexperienced, exhausted, caffeine-addled, and in shock at the fistfight which had broken out in her conference room--couldn't think fast enough to tell a convincing lie. By the time she worked her mouth the second time and no sound came out, Chakotay knew.

Paris started laughing. "You're the only Maquis commander in the galaxy stupid enough to trust a Vulcan," he said.

Chakotay advanced on Paris. "Hey!" said Paris. "He's the guy who betrayed you!"

"He's just a Vulcan. He can't help it. You, on the other hand, are a piece of shit." He drew back his leg, ready to drop-kick Paris's head. Paris braced himself, wondering if the Doctor would be able to get the dent out.

"Chakotay!" said Janeway. There was a whining hiss--a phaser--and Chakotay grunted and cumpled to the floor, crashing on top of Paris. It hurt, but it hurt a lot less than a kick in the face. Paris lay there for a moment, trying to recover his breath, and finally crawled out from under Chakotay. He sat up and looked around, expecting to see Tuvok holding the phaser.

He wasn't. "Get him to sickbay," said Janeway. She set the phaser down on the table gingerly, like it would explode. She half-sat, half-fell back into her chair. "Fuck me," she said.

[Burak Gazan]

THAT..... went well ....

Somehow, this is not exactly the beginning of a beautiful friendship

[Crazedwraith]

Youch, she's in some real pretty shit now, man.

i was going to complement you on the adversarial tones between so often missing from the original and then you ratched it up to 11, with that last section.

[Darth Paxis]

Very nice, I liked the clash between Janeway and Chakotay. Nice to see Chakotay has a little bit of Star Trek style racism in him.

[Themightytom]

That was fucking awesome.

Every
Part
Awesome.

[CaptainChewbacca]

Its a shame they could never put THIS on television. I'm curious, though, as to why Tuvok didn't just drop one of them with Vulcan super-strength.

[The Romulan Republic]

I'm not quite as enthusiastic as everyone else, mainly because this chapter seems to be moving towards a more traditional (for SDN) depiction of the various Voyager characters as ranging from idiots to lunatics. Which would be disapointing to me because, as this is a reboot, it has the potential to remake the characters into something more realistic and sympathetic while still being flawed individuals, and that seemed to be the direction it was taking for a while.

This chapter in and of itself wasn't too objectionable. There should be conflict between the Marquis and Starfleet personel. But its a fine line to tread, and could easily be taken too far. Well, I'll wait and see where subsequent chapters go before commenting further. But I would like to see Janeway in particular become a little more capable as time goes by.

[CaptainChewbacca]

Give her time, they've got to hit rock bottom before they can kick up. And they've only been here like... 12 hours. Her NOT being instantly amazing is realistic.

[The Romulan Republic]

Give her time, they've got to hit rock bottom before they can kick up. And they've only been here like... 12 hours. Her NOT being instantly amazing is realistic.

Fair enough. Like I said, I'll see where it goes in later chapters before I comment further.

[TabascoOne]

I'm sure there were ways for that exchange to go worse, but offhand I can't think of any. I'm expecting rock bottom about the time the Kazon show up.

[Edward Yee]

Give her time, they've got to hit rock bottom before they can kick up. And they've only been here like... 12 hours. Her NOT being instantly amazing is realistic.

Fair enough. Like I said, I'll see where it goes in later chapters before I comment further.

Not to mention, as it was put about Janeway: "inexperienced, exhausted, caffeine-addled, and in shock at the fistfight which had broken out in her conference room." Heck, her having been the former chief science officer (which experience in fairness served her pretty well with her successor Ensign Wildman)...

[tim31]

Red

Did you just reference the fact that Our Lady Kathryn has bodily functions??

WHY I NEVER!

Please don't stop writing this.

[The Duchess of Zeon]

I don't see the whole "this is stereotypical Sd.net voyager hate" -- Janeway did the only thing she could to gain control of the situation.

[Solauren]

I have to agree with the Duchess here.

I'm finding the characterizations of the characteristic very realistic.

Right now, everyone is under stress, exhuasted, and apparently running on a combination of Caffeeine, Piss and Vinegar. (And she appears to be running out of Caffeeine and Vinegar).

When people get to that point, they are over-emotional, reactionary, and irrational.

I'm sure the depicitions would be much more 'calmer' and 'saner' in a more 'sane' situation.

[GrandMasterTerwynn]

I'm not quite as enthusiastic as everyone else, mainly because this chapter seems to be moving towards a more traditional (for SDN) depiction of the various Voyager characters as ranging from idiots to lunatics. Which would be disapointing to me because, as this is a reboot, it has the potential to remake the characters into something more realistic and sympathetic while still being flawed individuals, and that seemed to be the direction it was taking for a while.

This chapter in and of itself wasn't too objectionable. There should be conflict between the Marquis and Starfleet personel. But its a fine line to tread, and could easily be taken too far. Well, I'll wait and see where subsequent chapters go before commenting further. But I would like to see Janeway in particular become a little more capable as time goes by.

I don't see any idiots or lunatics in the story so far. This Lt. Commander Janeway is about as competent as you'd expect for someone whose previous tactical experience was entirely nonexistent and whose command experience was largely academic and hasn't ever had need to extend beyond the boundaries of a ship's science department. The situation she's in is forcing her to "wing it." Apart from her insistence on staying up to personally oversee it all (an understandable mistake,) I'd say she's doing remarkably well for a woman whose specialty is the weather on gas giant planets, and not too badly for a junior officer in a very dire situation.