Well I've started writing this fic -or at least, PUBLISHING it again.
I don't post on SDN much at all these days, but I thought if there WAS anyone here who might care, I should at least update this thread
Apologies in advance for any formatting screwups, this text must have passed through a half dozen different WYSIWYG editors - and Word still hates me formatting wise...
As always, a big shout out and thanks to Academia Nut for his beta services ... and yes, I am still invoking Anime Physics on some of the stuff :p
Sandalphon
Shinji tried to keep his face blank as the conference room door glided shut, but he none the less flinched ever so slightly as the room was sealed off from the brightly lit corridor outside and plunged it into darkness, plunged into another world. In a way, he was actually grateful for the fact that these people would expect him to be nervous, sealed alone in the imposing room as, frankly, he didn't think he could hide his emotional state very well.
So he simply waited, keeping himself as calm as possible in the darkness, until it was swiftly eliminated by a spotlight that switched on directly above him and blazed with glare that made him blink.
It was a cheap trick.
Just like his Father's open office, he realized the paired darkness and light were meant to focus the mood of the room on him, intimidating him and putting him off balance…but it wasn't working. He had far too many other things to worry about right now to get worked up over the lighting conditions, so he just waited quietly, resisting the urge to look at his watch until a short length of time later figures started to materialize around him.
The first hologram to appear was to his left; an old man highlighted by a dark blue spotlight and dressed in a conservative –and expensive looking- Western style business suit. The man glanced up at him as he materialized, nodded once, and turned back to a stack of papers on his desk, ignoring him in favor of whatever business he was clearly in the middle of. Shinji didn't let it stop him from studying him; the oddest feeling as if he should know this stranger pressing at the back of his mind. The long craggy nose and lined face set into a perpetual scowl both felt strangely…familiar, despite the fact that he knew he had never met this person before. But he didn't have time to dwell on the feelings, pushing them to the side as a new figure materialized further down the table.
The newcomer was highlighted in Green that clashed horribly with a dark brown NERV suit and combined to give him an almost sickly appearance, an image not helped at all by his severe looking moustache and thick eyebrows, both of which framed a face lined and age worn that looked liked it belonged more in a nursing home then a NERV facility. The man's eyes however, belayed any thoughts that this was a senile old man. He was alert and appeared to take in the entire room as he materialized, his head barely moving as he glanced across at his colleague and exchange the slightest nod before turning back to face nothing, interlacing his fingers precisely in front of him on his desk and cultivating an air of patient anticipation, as another figure started to materialize.
The third man to appear directly across from 'Green' didn't even bother to take in his surroundings. Highlighted by a bright yellow spotlight, the half bald man with an absurdly pointed nose and wire thin glasses simply continued to work at a laptop computer with a steady tapping that pointedly stated that either the man found this whole meeting a waste of time, or, he was simply ignoring the three people in the room as unworthy of his attention.
The fact that in Shinji's mind both 'Green' and 'Blue' looked utterly nonplused by his 'I don't care' attitude suggested that this wasn't really anything personal, so Shinji just ignored him as a forth figure materialized seconds later to his left opposite 'Blue', highlighted by a rather demonic looking 'Red glow, but the man barely acknowledged him before turned away to glance down the table-
"Good morning, Mister Ikari".
The voice - that voice - turned his spine from cartilage to a column of ice in a heartbeat.
It was somewhat nasal; old and crackly like dried parchment…but utterly commanding; a voice that carried with a terrible majesty straight through the room, cutting through his preoccupation like an icy wind.
Slowly, Shinji raised his gaze to the position opposite his own, peripherally aware that the other men at the table –even Yellow- had also done so…and for the first time in either of his lives, he looked into the hidden gaze of Keel Lorenz, Chairman of the Human Instrumentality Committee.
Well, the man had a presence, Shinji would give him that.
He could feel it making his skin crawl in much the same way his Father dominated any room he entered; a presence so self assured in its power it all but dared someone to challenge him - while simultaneously speaking volumes to the consequences should anyone be stupid enough to actually try and do so.
"Chairman Keel".
It took an effort, but somehow Shinji managed to find the strength to hold the man's terrible visored gaze without flinching, earning him the slightest nod in acknowledgement before Keel broke away easily without loss or defeat, simply switching his attention to acknowledging his minions one after with minimal but polite nods back and forth before the visor covered gaze again swept back, dragging the gaze of his underlings with it back onto him.
"You have been asked before this committee, Mister Ikari, to assist us with ongoing investigations," Keel spoke with no more preamble, his voice echoing despite the physical reality of the small room as he leaned back into his chair, half melting into the darkness as he did so. "As you may or may not be aware, the Human Instrumentality Committee is the body the United Nations has directed to oversee all aspects of the 'Angel situation' and humanities counter-projects, such as the Evangelion. Our mandate Vis-à-vis the NERV organization is therefore to provide both Governance and Budgetary oversight on behalf of the UN Security Council. As a member of NERV; you also fall under our jurisdiction, and so you have been asked here to assist our inquiries. Do you understand?"
"Yes," was all Shinji trusted himself to say in a neutral tone…but then Keel did something Shinji never would have thought he would do.
He chuckled.
And so did the rest of the committee, a wave of polite sycophantic amusement passing through the infinitely black room from the five men sitting in judgment over him.
"That, Mister Ikari, was the necessary legal…'disclaimer', if you will" 'Yellow' entered the conversation, a faint sharpness in his accent that Shinji occasionally noticed in Asuka's voice, leading him to hazard a guess that he was from Germany. "For the record, I believe I speak for every member of the Committee -and indeed on behalf of the UN- in offering a long overdue welcome to you, as well as our most sincere thanks for your outstanding service on behalf of humanity".
There was a murmur of agreement from the others and Shinji had to work hard to keep his expression from shifting into one of confusion, admitting that if they were trying to keep him off balance, they were succeeding wildly-
"We are quite pleased you have followed in the footsteps of both your Father and Mother in joining NERV" 'Green' broke in smoothly. "We do of course appreciate that the…circumstances, shall we say, under which you joined NERV were far from ideal".
"We are also certain that you are intelligent enough to understand the reasons for the methods your Father used to bring you into Project-E" 'Blue' spoke up next before they could dwell on it for too long. "As one of only three people thus far discovered with the innate ability to pilot an Evangelion, I am sure you can appreciate the ... necessity of his actions at the time, even if we all regret them".
"But that is thankfully in the past" 'Yellow' put in smoothly, retaking control of the conversation. "We are more concerned with the future at this time".
"Indeed" 'Blue' agreed, turning from 'Yellow' to face him with an 'all business' expression back on his face as he leaned forward, tapping his pen vertically against the table in idle concentration. "Rest assured Mister Ikari, you have not been brought to us to answer for your actions yesterday. While we are concerned with the events that took place and would strongly encourage you to think before you act in such a dangerous way, especially when concerning all of our known Evangelion pilots, we are reasonably satisfied that your direct superiors will deal with this situation and, as such, have neither comment nor input to offer on that situation, in of itself…"
That statement earned Mikhail Dostoevsky –also known as SEELE 06 to a very select few- a slight smirk from Gendo Ikari as the entire sequence placed out in miniature holographic form in front of his desk, in his darkened office. For all the Committees insistence on needing to talk to the Children in regards to the events of Yesterday, they had dropped the subject almost before it had come up, now that they finally had the Third Child in front of them.
Of course, their stated reason for talking to them had been complete sophistry, but it was a valid request he had no way of stopping. So rather than waste energy fighting an already decided matter, he had gone out of his way to expedite it for them, ensuring their every request was met with precision and efficiency.
It gave him endless amusement to cause confusion and suspicion by choosing precisely the opposite course of action that he would have been logically expected to take.
Rei's meeting had been spectacularly short, he was -almost- proud of the way she had developed an ability to answer almost any question in three words or less. Her meeting with Keel and his merry men had almost been pro-forma; they knew they would get nothing out of her to be used against him, but they had gone through the motions anyway, politely listening to her answers one after the other as they ran through their questions.
Yes she was fine.
Yes she had gotten her hair cut.
Yes the dress she had worn to the dance had looked nice.
Yes she did find the Third Child to be a skilled and extremely valuable member of NERV.
No she didn't have any complaints about anything.
No she knew nothing to suggest SEELE's scenario was in any danger.
Yes she had made several new friends at school.
And yes, she was ready to end the world when ordered to do so.
He wasn't sure what had been more off-putting for SEELE's representatives; Rei's dramatic new look, or the way she had answered every question from her dancing activities to her ability to exterminate the remaining half of the human race with the same neutral expression and 'to the point' response.
Still, with the critical questions answered, Rei had been sent out and Soryu sent in.
She had at least proven to be more of an amiable conversationalist, and although her 'interview' was perhaps the least important of the three there had been quite a few interesting moments in it.
For the most part of course, Keel and his merry men had opened up with the praise as they had always done, playing to her ego as they congratulated her on her victories against the Angels, declaring them a triumphant vindication of her years of hard work. Then, with astonishingly little subtly, they had shifted the topic towards the Third Child, all but pumping her for insights, observations; for anything they could use in complete ignorance of the friction that existed between the two pilots.
Exactly as he had predicted they would.
Of course, it helped greatly that he had not mentioned anything at all about the amusingly 'friction filled' relationship between the Second and Third to them. That little 'oversight' had ensured that Soryu had taken their questions as SEELE intruding into her personal space, diminishing her to little more than a source of information for them, an annex to the Third Child.
Which was entirely true of course - The Second Child was by far the most expendable of the three pilots, but beating her about the head with that fact truly didn't help them in getting any useful data.
Clearly recognizing that his underlings had overplayed their hand, Keel at least had been smart enough to send her on her way with his own personal praise at her performance in an attempt to mitigate the damage, moving onto the 'main course' as it were…and Gendo was finding himself hard pressed to not roll his eyes at the mess they were making of this 'interrogation'. With the exception of the Chairman himself who, as always, was keeping his distance, they were all as timid and weak as Dostoevsky; all too aware of their rapidly approaching mortality and all too terrified of losing everything they had worked for to do what needed to be done to grasp their prize.
But that was hardly surprising to him; Keel hadn't chosen any of these people because they were leaders who would use inititive, he had chosen them because they were followers who would obey.
Dostoevsky, the Russian member of the Committee was SEELE's 'banker'; an apparent do-nothing, albeit senior, bureaucrat in the UN's budgeting office whose skills and authority had been critical in 'acquiring' the resources to set up the Artificial Evolution Laboratory, GEHIRN's predecessor, which had finally given SEELE's dream form. He was the genius who had washed money through hundreds of banks and corporations around the world, diverting countless Dollars, Euros and Yen into SEELE's less than public projects until GEHIRN and then NERV had become powerful enough in their own right to become SEELE's personal bank, and even now his efforts ensured the money trail to SEELE's private pet projects was so tangled through various financial instruments that it would take years –years the world did not have- to uncover the truth of the elaborate shell games.
But for all his skill, Dostoevsky was an utter failure as a true 'player' on thislevel. He lacked both vision and ruthlessness, and so had been quickly put in his place by SEELE 01 once he had reached the Inner Circle, becoming little more than an extension of Keel's will…a fact which held true for the rest of the core committee to lesser or greater levels.
'Yellow', better known as Gunther Hertz and commander of NERV's Third Branch had the least real power here. The man was unlikely to do anything more dangerous than ordering lunch without asking Keel's permission - and yet he was a brilliant administrator, the two facts combining to make him a perfect person to place in charge of the Third Branch, turning it in turn Keel's de-facto fiefdom and seat of power. But it would be foolish to underestimate him, even if only for the fact that as NERV Headquarters had been moved to a full war footing, the Third Branch had been delegated an increasing amount of Central's former R&D work. Including the Mark V Evangelion Mass Production prototype, some of the work on the Second Branch's S2 engine project…
And even failing those high profile projects, there was always 'A-Project'.
It was one of Gendo Ikari's few regrets that he would never be able to see the look on the faces of Hertz and Keel when they discovered that 'Adam' was in fact nothing more than a plastic mockup in a frozen Bakelite block...
'Red' on the other hand was the most powerful man of the Committee, at least publicly, in his primary role as the US Undersecretary for Defense. The job had long mutated into a consultative and coordinating position concerning the use of 'borrowed' elements of the US Military for the United Nations Combined Military Force; in essence a bureaucratic 'do-nothing' job with little formal authority but a great deal of 'soft' influence on the US Government which Keel, a somewhat Euro-centric man, had found very useful.
Unfortunately for Michael Richards, his rather cushy job had been come screaming to a halt overnight with the loss of over ten thousand USN personnel and two dozen ships to the 6th Angel, among the Third of the UN Pacific Fleet had had been sunk in that engagement. The parts of the US Government still rather leery of the post Second-Impact UN had been having a field day using him as a punching bag, dragging him before the US Senate on no fewer than four occasions to answer some rather heated questions. It had all been patched over of course, but not without calling in some very significant markers SEELE-01 had not been pleased to cash in, meaning he was somewhat out of 'favor' with Keel right now…almost the exact opposite situation of the final player in the room.
Better known as Keisuke Hachisuka, 'Green' had become a continual source of annoyance to Gendo. Stationed in Tokyo-2 and employed as a high level bureaucrat in the Japanese Civil Service, Hachisuka was primarily in charge of SEELE's highly successful counter-intelligence operations that had effectively neutralized the two principal investigative arms of the Japanese Government, the JDA and NPA.
Indeed, in theory, Hacisuka worked for him as much as Keel in keeping the Japanese Governments nose out of Tokyo-3 and SEELE's business, while performing his 'real' job as the main conduit between the NERV and Japanese bureaucracies that kept everything running smoothly between the supranational organization and its host country.
It was an amusing fiction, but he knew full well the real reason Keel had put his hatchet man in place all those years ago was to cultivate the contacts SEELE 01 would need if –or more accurately when- moving against Tokyo-3 in forcebecame necessary. Gendo had taken care to build up quite a formidable powerbase during his time Tokyo-3, a powerbase independent of SEELE that they had accepted as the price of putting someone in charge who could look after their interests, yet keep them completely out of the picture. He -unlike every other member of SEELE- had been more than willing to get his hands dirty, to be the public target for every investigation launched into NERV…but the end result was that he was not going to be leaving his domain any time soon, if he didn't want to go.
By that same token of course, he knew Lorenz would never have been so stupid as to just leave him to his own devices, so Hachisuka found every possible excuse to visit Tokyo-3 from Toyko-2, sticking his nose in everywhere without even the slightest hint of subtlety, his presence a warning from Keel not to go too far or gain a hold of too many resources in their little game of chess, lest SEELE be forced to eliminate him and accept the messy consequences that would result.
But their comfortable game of murderous plotting had been shaken to the core with a new variable that had entered the equation, one that by its very position could undermine any number of critical assumptions in SEELE's scenarios, simply by being present.
Shinji Ikari.
That the Third Child had been proven to be anything butthe introverted, fragile and pliable child both he and SEELE had been expecting was an impressive enough failure on its own merits. But when combined with an astonishing natural talent that still confounded the best scientists NERV had to offer, the lack of any kind of control over him had become an intolerable situation for SEELE. All their reports had proclaimed that he was a weak and easily controlled child, thus a non-factor in their calculations.
The real Shinji who had turned up in Tokyo-3 however, was an entirely different matter. And while he could no doubt be influenced like any normal person, NERV's clear need for him after his phenomenal combat debut and 'setting of terms' with his Father had ended even the possibility of coercion, leaving SEELE in the entirely uncomfortable situation of trusting enormous parts of their scenario to someone who could, even entirely incidentally, bring it all crashing down if he so chose.
In short, Keel needed information. He had destroyed his chance to get a read of the Third Child from Soryu, Rei was equally useless to him, and this little 'interrogation' was getting them nowhere.
And yet…Lorenz was just sitting there, quietly waiting and watching in the background, but saying nothing; letting his underlings continue their clumsy questioning…
Which meant he had something, another card to play, and was just waiting for the right moment to put it on the table.
Gendos eyes narrowed slightly.
Your move, Old Man…
"We are aware that your Father has devolved all parental responsibilities to Captain Katsuragi," 'Green' continued, leaning forward slightly in his chair and fiddling with a pen in a distracted sort of way. "We are also aware that since the death of your Mother, your relationship with him has been…" the voice trailed off as if embarrassed.
"Strained" 'Yellow' offered into the gap.
"Indeed" 'Green' continued with a nod of thanks to 'Yellow'. "As I am sure you can understand, we therefore have some degree of concern over your current guardianship arrangements as they have been arranged".
"First and foremost among them, the fact that Captain Katsuragi is being overloaded with her responsibilities at this point in time," 'Red' spoke up somewhat gruffly, tapping his own pen against the desk as he entered the conversation for the first time, drawing Shinji's attention towards his end of the table. "As I am sure you can appreciate, the Captain, in her capacity as Operations Planning manager, has had a remarkable increase in her workload since the Angels returned. Yet at the same time, she has selflessly taken on the responsibility as guardian to you and the Second Child, and indeed even something of the same to the First by all our reports".
"Which is something I am extremely grateful for," Shinji replied curtly as he fought the urge to wipe his palms off on his trousers, wondering where they were going with this. Surely they weren't going to try and order him to move in with his Father, were they?
"Indeed, she should be commended for her efforts," 'Yellow' agreed with a nod before he shut up at a look from 'Red', who continued, albeit looking slightly miffed at the interruption.
"Yes, indeed…yet the Captain, in addition to her dramatically increased workload, has the added burden of looking after you…and in some quarters, the events of yesterday, which took place technically under her supervision, are raising questions about if she is suited to the responsibility". And as if to forestall the protest he could probably see starting to form on his face, 'Red' raised his hand before continuing. "None of the members of this Committee deny the extraordinary efforts she has made, nor the clear bond you share with her. We simply suggest that, for more her sake than yours, you might consider an alternative arrangement ".
"And before you reply in the resoundingly negative as I know you would like to" Keel put in with a slight smile still on his face, "I would like to offer you something of an alternative you may wish to think about".
Shinji blinked as Keel re-entered the conversation. He hadn't even realized the man had left it until then, and as he stared at him it finally hit him that Keel had simply been watching him. Studying him.
As if waiting for the right moment…
Nervously fighting off the feeling that he had stumbled right onto the edge of a abyss he couldn't see, Shinji none the less nodded hesitantly and Keel gestured to his right without looking away from him, a new spotlight clicking on to reveal a new 'old man' standing at Keels right hand in a soft colorless spotlight.
Gendo Ikari raised an eyebrow and leaned back in his chair as the new player materialized.
So, this was Keels play was it?
It was…unexpected.
But it was elegant; he would give Lorenz that.
The person who had just materialized he had long dismissed as a non-player in the secret world he and SEELE dueled in. In fact, his current position was as much due to this man's self imposed decline as his own machinations; all of it traced back to a single event that still dominated both of their lives, even after all these years.
Yui's Death.
Using this man as their attempt to get at the Third Child was inspired thinking, a truly spectacular play at the precisely correct time…if, if Keel was reading his target correctly.
Forcing his eyes back to their normal, somewhat indifferent gaze as the other approached Keels shoulder, Gendo Ikari did the only thing he could.
He watched. And waited.
"May I introduce, or, more accurately, reintroduce you to your Grandfather, Takuya Ikari?"
Shinji just stared as Keels voice echoed grandly around the room, unbelieving and caught completely off guard as he stared at the newcomer. Oh he had heard of him before, but he had never really thought about him, anymore than any of his other relatives who had never been inclined to so much as send him a Birthday card.
"…Yes," he said, congratulating himself on keeping his voice somewhat steady as he sounded out the word, the only word that tumbled out of his racing thoughts. He had thought that he had been prepared for just about everything the Committee might have tried to do today, from threats to bribes to a revelation that they knew everything, followed by a bullet into his head from some Section Two agent standing in the darkness.
Yet despite his paranoia…SEELE had managed to blindside him.
He couldn't help but feel the slightest twinge of admiration under the stunned disbelief blowing through his mind, at how they had gotten him so off balance, so easily.
"I know it has been a very long time Shinji," Takuya continued in an all too Grandfatherly voice; the small smile on his face no doubt a direct consequence from the utterly flabbergasted expression on his. "And I must apologize most sincerely for that, and yet I rejoice that fate has allowed us this chance to meet once again".
Shinji worked his jaw several times before taking a somewhat shaky breath to try and steady himself, somehow returning the older man's gaze while peripherally aware that every pair of eyes in the room –and probably many others near and far- were studying him closely
"It has been a long time," he agreed as he stared down his Grandfather with as level an expression as he could manage, clasping his hand behind his back to stop them twitching as he fought to rally himself, offering a stiff shrug in return. "I shouldn't be surprised; you're not the first family member to remember I exist since my ability to pilot an Evangelion was discovered".
His barb, unfortunately, didn't so much as make any of the men staring at him blink.
"You have every right to be angry Shinji," his Grandfather replied softly to his blunt statement, the man's voice and face thick with a mixture of guilt and deep sadness…or at least very good approximations of them, leaning on a cane of the finest craftsmanship made from dark red woods as he stepped past Keel. "It is a hard thing to lose one's only child Shinji, but to lose your mother at your age - and then your Father only a week later..."
He couldn't help it. He just couldn't help it.
Because at those words, as he blinked, Shinji once again found himself a terrified and uncomprehending four year old child, clutching his teddy bear and a train ticket as his Fathers back receded inevitably out of his life for the next decade, ignoring his desperate screams and cries with an indifferent coldness that even now, two lifetimes later-
"Your Mother had a saying Shinji; we cannot make time run backwards, but only spur its course forward with our own hands," his Grandfather, snapping Shinji's attention back to the present. "I cannot and will not try to defend failures in the past to you; fate however has given us an opportunity that I do not intend to waste, and I intend to arrive at Tokyo-3 within the week to make sure of it".
"What we are proposing," Keel re-entered the conversation smoothly, letting his Grandfather pull back slightly, "is simply that you and your Grandfather can get to know each other over the next few weeks. Spend some time with him, give Captain Katsuragi some time to herself, time that in no way interferes with your interaction with her at NERV, or outside it. He is, as a former member of the GEHIRN group, fully cleared on all Evangelion matters, and his security clearance has been reinstated as an independent Special Advisor to NERV, so you can feel completely free to discuss any sensitive issues you may have with him..."
"...and I do not intend to intrude Shinji," his Grandfather took up the narrative as Keel let his voice trail off once again. "Please believe me; more than anything else I just want to make use of this opportunity to get to know you. There are...well, so many things I want to tell you, about your extended Family, about NERV and, of course, about your Mother. And if we can spend some time away from the horrors of this war, away from that loathsome Evangelion that took her from us..."
"I think we might have outsmarted ourselves here Ikari".
Gendo glanced to his left and the brown suited man standing next to his desk, in silence until now throughout the 'interrogations', as it were.
"Do you think so?" he replied to the other with some small trace of amusement before turning his gaze back to the now silent taboo as the elder Ikari's voice trailed off, all the figures in the holographic 'room' utterly silent and still as they waited on the younger Ikari's response.
"Yui is a weak spot for Shinji," Kozo Fuyutsuki pointed out grimly as he stepped up to the desk, his gaze not leaving the quarter scale hologram playing out in front of it as he shook his head slightly.. "Everything points to that Ikari. Keel might well have stumbled onto the right button to push. I don't know, but he figured it out".
Gendo raised an eyebrow at the Vice Commanders grim tone. "And you think Takuya can use these memories to bait a response from him? In such an openly manipulative way? I daresay you are overestimating this threat, Fuyutsuki".
Kozo shrugged slightly in a non committal way to his dismissive skepticism. "You've refused to provide those answers to Shinji, Takuya is all but offering them to him on a silver platter and going out of his way to avoid being too forward while doing so. He even outright denigrated the Eva right in front of the Committee, taking 'his' side against 'them'. It's simplistic, but direct...and if he is able to edge Shinji away from our control, provide a vector for SEELE to directly influence him without anyone involved loosing face…"
Gendo ignored the 'I told you so' tone in the Fuyutsukis voice, dismissing it as a factor of his amusing -if misplaced- thoughts that he and the Third Child had to reconcile, as if the last decade could simply be swept under the bridge with a few tearful hugs or some such foolishness.
A point that neither Keel nor Takuya appeared to understand either, given their attempt at this play. Clearly, they had taken note of the fact that he had devolved all parental and guardianship responsibilities to Katsuragi...and leapt to the conclusion that he must have been left even more isolated, desperate for any part of his 'real' family.
Having read the Captain's rather 'colorful' file, he could even understand such a conclusion being reached, flawed as it was.
So he allowed a grin only he knew to materialize behind his steepled hand as Shinji finally brought his gaze back up to drill into his Grandfather, his expression suddenly carved from granite for all the emotion present in it compared to ten seconds ago, but an expression that Gendo recognized as the same one Shinji had directed at him all those weeks ago in the Evangelion cage, as the Third Angel had stalked its way towards Tokyo-3.
This promised to be mildly entertaining.
At the height of the Third Impact, Shinji knew that on some level he had become, for lack of a better word, a 'conduit' for Lilith as she had harvested - reaped- the souls of humanity from across the world. Those moments were something of a blur to him, and he had often quietly thanked a God he didn't really believe in that he couldn't remember too many specifics of those moments, knowing that to recall that hour of his life again would forfeit his sanity in an instant.
But these people...these people he remembered. After a fashion.
Intellectually, he knewthat they were killers; murderers on a scale that had never been achieved before in human history, despite mankind doing its best to invent a great deal of technology for the purpose of mass destruction over the last century.
Intellectually, he knew that they had been responsible for using him as a pawn, forcing him into his position at the heart of the Third Impact. That as much as his failures, they were responsible for making him who he was, what he was.
The facts as they stood should have been more than enough to convince him - to convince anyone - to refuse everything they asked of him, to laugh at any suggestion of wanting to get to know anyone involved with them, to turn around and walk out right now and dare them to do something about it...
But it wasn't enough.
Not for him.
Not for Shinji Ikari.
Their reasoning about Misato he knew was wrong. Granted; he knew that he and Asuka had made her life difficult at times, but she had never suggested that either of them was a burden. He still remembered the second time he had run away from Tokyo-3; he had been so angry with everyone that he had externally looked almost paradoxically calm. It had been then that Misato, in an equally frank way, had told him that she was leaving both his pass to Headquaters and his room exactly as they were. She had told him then and there that she and just about everyone at NERV had put all her hopes in him to save them all...
...and he had just ignored her words and run anyway. Again.
But as he stood there, under the spotlight with the faces of the most powerful people in the world focused on him, off balance and scattered; Shinji Ikari ... froze..
His mind whirled, at the offer. Somewhere in the back of his hesitant, nerve wracked mind, a part of him was screaming at the danger of this moment, the knowledge that if he let SEELE into his life, the odds of them somehow finding out the truth, of finding a way to undo everything he was desperately working towards, would skyrocket catastrophically.
But as much as he desperately tried to deny it, he knew that despite everything he had gone through, no matter how much he might have told himself that he had his real Family now...a part of his soul twitched at the presence of a living relative wanting to spend time with him.
And if his Grandfather hadn't said three words, then and there, in his nervous, intimidated and downright uncertain state, he might just have hesitantly stuttered out some kind of agreement to their proposals.
But his Grandfather had said threewords.
It had been a room like this one that didn't exist, except perhaps in the vast expanse of Cyberspace. Twelve huge monoliths circling nothing as they collectively watched their final plans unfold faster and faster, decades of painstaking planning suddenly thrown into jeopardy as Evangelion Unit Two unexpectedly came roaring out of what should have been its watery grave to decimate their pawn forces in the JSSDF with casual ease, a wave of anger and hate rippling through the people observing the final moments of their scenario as it was suddenly cast into doubt.
-("That Loathsome Evangelion")-
-("Will our goals be denied again!?")-
-("It seems we will have to fight fire, with fire!")-
And with those three words, he was -
-(Slumped over on the verge of a mental breakdown in disbelief as he reached Unit One, only to find the Entry plug mechanism a pile of twisted metal)-
-("And that Baka Shinji is nowhere to be found, of course!")-
-(Asuka screaming in rage and defiance as she impossibly, insanely, charged the first of the Mass Production Evangelions, leaping hundreds of meters to crash down and tear its face apart)-
-("I CAN'T LOSE! NOT WITH HER WATCHING!")-
-(The horrible, soul shattering scream as the Lance of Longinus tore through Unit Two -Asuka's- face)-
-(An even more terrible scream as another half dozen Lances tore through what was left of the disabled Evangelion, before the vultures that were the Mass Production Evangelions crashed to Earth, tearing, eating and fighting over the corpse as they ripped it to shreds...and the impossible, yet impossible to deny fact, that Asuka had somehow felt everything)-
-(And as he had risen in an unholy storm, floating in Unit One above the cratered and burned landscape, his gaze had taken in the shredded remains of Unit Two scattered across the Geofront)-
A final scream had sounded.
But this one had been from his own mouth, as his last, tenuous grip on his sanity had irrevocably snapped and torn open the gates of hell for SEELE.
Somehow -and he honestly didn't know how- he managed to contain the scream that threatened to explode from his lungs as the utter torture those memories were ended as swiftly as they had thrown him back to the lowest point of his life, his body instinctively taking a somewhat shaky deep breath to steady itself...
But it was no longer fear that it was shaking from. It was as if in the back of his mind, a switch had been flicked, the almost catatonic state of nerves and fear he had been working himself into simply vanished as if it had never been.
And in its place, was rage. Simple, breathtakingly straight forward, rage.
'
Burying memories is man's way of surviving. But there are some things a man should never forget. Yui taught me that one irreplaceable thing Shinji. It is the reason I come here, to affirm that commitment'
Those had been his Fathers words, back at his Mother's grave a lifetime ago. He hadn't understood what his Father had been trying to say, feeling only confusion as his Father admitted to destroying everything that reminded him of his former wife, leaving only the memories held deep in his heart. In the days that followed as he had tried to piece together his Father's words, Shinji had concluded that his Father was just a cold man who had ruthlessly sacrificed even his own family, to focus on his work at NERV for reasons he would never understand.
But it was only as he mentally forced the image of Unit Two and its pilot torn to pieces out of his head, that he started to understand what his Father had been trying to tell him that day, as he raised his head to face them.
If he wanted to survive ... he had to bury his own past.
"Three thousand, five hundred and forty nine"
At least Keel and his Grandfather had the decency to glance at each other in confusion for a second, before turning back to face him.
"I'm sorry Shinji? I don't understand-"
"Three thousand, five hundred and forty nine" he repeated, biting off each word with a knife like edge as he stared across the table at the uncomprehending men. "It's the number of days since my Father sent me off to live with my uncle. It also happens to be the number of days since anyone from the rest of my extended family bothered to so much as acknowledge that I even existed."
The look on his Grandfather's face more than anything else dragged Shinji back from the edge. He appeared utterly confused at his response, befuddled even, and it suddenly hit Shinji that they simply didn't understand. Once in his life, he would have leapt at the offer from his Grandfather, in the same pathetic way he had clung to his Father's praise after he had stopped the 10th Angel, letting those three worlds play over and over in his head.
-("Good work, Shinji...")-
But now? Now he only felt contempt for this man. Not perhaps on the same primal level as the feelings he had for his Father, but year after year, alone with no family, no real friends, cast off and forgotten by everyone in his extended family...
Where had this man been when his Father had yanked him to Tokyo-3 and thrust him into the middle of this damn war?
Where had his Grandfather been when everything had become so overwhelming, everything had just made him want to scream and break down as pressure was piled on top of pressure until he had collapsed under the weight of the world, running away from NERV and wandering the streets in a hopeless, aimless search for someone -ANYONE- to turn to as he tried to get some kind of a grip on his life?
Where had this family memberbeen when his Father had forced him to tear apart Unit Three, leaving one of his pathetically few friends a crippled mess with no-one to turn to; as he had been made to feel, see, smell and touch everything, helpless to do stop his own hands from smashing Toji's entry plug?
Where had his own flesh and blood been when everything had inevitably shattered with Misato all but gone, Asuka in her catatonic state, Rei now an utterly alien creature that terrified him, his hands covered in Karowu's blood, desperately looking for someone, anyone to just hold him and tell him it would be alright?
Mistao had been there and tried.
He had not.
Looking into the others eyes, he knew the answer to those questions, the knowledge burned into his mind in the hell of 3rd Impact. His Grandfather had been with SEELE the whole time; chanting with them as the fulfillment of their scenario took place, using him as their Jacobs Ladder to storm heaven, a stairway constructed from the bodies everyone he had ever loved in his life!
But, with an almost physical effort, he managed to push his anger and rage aside.
Uncontrolled hate was a luxury. One he could not afford in this room.
"The woman you claim is unsuited to looking after me, took it upon herself to sleep outside my room while I was recovering from the battle my Father blackmailed me into," he bit off, his blank face slowly fading away to be replaced with a almost acidic glare at his Grandfather, who actually backed off a step as Shinji slowly started to move towards to him. "She then insisted that I stay with her when my Father refused to have anything to do with me - as per normal. So I can't help but wonder, who exactly should I think of as my real family? Someone who saved my life, watched over me while I slept without being asked and took me into her home? Or people who pretend I don't exist, until they have some kind of use for me?"
Not waiting for an answer, he turned to Keel, suddenly wanting to get out of this room more than anything else before he said anything stupid that he and humanity would regret. "Does that sufficiently answer your question Mister Chairman?"
"Yes, it does. A great many of them, in fact," the other said mildly, a tone of satisfied amusement entering his crackling voice, with neither his words nor his body language giving the slightest indication of any surprise or annoyance at his response.
The tone was like a bucket of ice water to the fire of Shinji's rage, extinguishing it and leaving only the chill in the air as his emotion drained away. This was a person skilled beyond others in this hidden world where he barely ranked as a novice...and in a childish tantrum, he had just given him a good look at his 'real' self.
He couldn't undo such an error ... but, as he looked around the room, the public face of SEELE ... he decided he wasn't going to compound it.
"In that case, good day, Mister Chairman" he nodded briefly to the other before spinning around and striding for the door, wanting nothing more than to walk out and never come back to this room.
He made it most of the way to the door before he heard the older Ikari call out.
"Shinji..." the other said. "I can understand your anger...but I hope you realize, that if you ever need me, as your Grandfather I will be here for you."
Shinji turned around just shy of the door and let his eyes seek out the other out for what he suspected would be the last time. A part of him was still searching...he didn't know for what exactly. A sign of a family member? A link to what he had always wanted so desperately, above anything else, in his long and miserable life...?
He didn't know, not really. But whatever it was...he finally knew it wasn't there - and that he would never find it there. All that remained of his family were the husks of people who were working to destroy the pathetically few things in his life he loved, whose only interest in him was as a tool to make the destruction of mankind happen.
And so when he finally spoke to the other, it was in a tone of utter certainty as that tiny part of himself that had clung to the illusion of a family from his surviving relatives, finally died.
"I may be your Grandson Mister Ikari ... but you are not my Grandfather" he told the other, in a voice stripped of any emotion. "Goodbye".
Turning his back on the man, Shinji stepped up to the door and left the room, swearing to himself that he would not let his Father, his Grandfather or any of the rest of the 'Old Men' drag him back into the past.
"Well...that was most...intriguing," Mikhail Dostoevsky commented in the silence that fell after Shinji had left the room, and their status board indicators confirmed that the link to Tokyo-3, including the link to Gendo Ikari's office that didn't show but everyone knew had to be there anyway, had been cut.
"Our psychological profile is nothing at all like the reality," added Gunther Hertz with an arch look at Keisuke Hachisuka, the 'Japan' Man whose job of watching Gendo Ikari and NERV Central nominally included the rest of his family and acquaintances, including the First Child. SEELE and its slightly more civil face in the Instrumentality Committee was a byzantine organization at the best of times and failure was eagerly used to shift power around the members on a weekly basis. Granted, no-one could have expected that the Third Child merited close observation or attention, but that didn't mean Hachisuka wouldn't take the blame...
"Perhaps," Hachisuka responded grudgingly to the accusation, the green light around him hiding the slight flush of his face at the barb, "but none the less he has shown us his center remained as I anticipated. His own flesh and blood may be irrelevant to him," he said with a glance at the single remaining Ikari in the room, "but his family is not".
"Agreed" a deeper voice broke into the conversation - one not from those sitting at the table. This voice came from a giant monolith that circled the room with seven others, featureless except for the glowing words 'SEELE-05 - Sound Only' on it as they too had weighed and jugged the one who Liliths bastard had chosen. "His respect and regard for Captain Katsuragi was...notable"
"As have been his effects on both the First and Second," SEELE-09 put in from over Keels shoulder. "As much as he may loathe his Father, he has clearly inherited Ikari's ability to take leadership of a group. Even the Second appears to be nominally following his leadership! And as for the effects he has had on the First..."
"Are we certain the First will still play her role?" Hertz asked pointedly.
"Ikari will make sure of it," Hachisuka said, his tone leaving little doubt as to which Ikari he was talking about. "One way...or the other".
"But will her role be ours...or his?" SEELE-08 rebutted, and the voice scrambler couldn't quite contain the acid in the others voice.
"Enough," Keel broke up the childish sparring with a single word that instantly imposed silence. As much as his encouraged those under him to work out their own hierarchy, the better to keep them distracted from his own position, Keel was first among equals and everyone knew it well. "The First is little more than a tool that can be replaced when we need to do so," he pointed out, also leaving unsaid the fact that he was not talking about replacing Rei with another Rei - and wouldn't that be a glorious surprise for Ikari? "As is the case for the Second and even, ultimately, the Third. They are pieces on the board, not players in the game. Valuable, but still merely expendable assets".
"And what of Katsuragi?" Dostoevsky rumbled, the implication clear enough without having to add 'and what about Ryoji Kaji'. Not that he was stupid enough to openly say it given that Keel had been the one to send the man to Gendo Ikari in the first place, but the message was clear.
"She is Ikari's problem, not ours," Keel said dismissively, addressing the unstated question by ignoring it. "If a wedge of mistrust can be driven between Ikari and his key officers, so much the better. As long as she is kept in the dark, she remains a net asset to the Scenario. Her hatred of the Angels and military skill combined with her ignorance of the truth makes her the perfect asset to eliminate the Angels - and I remind you all before we get ahead of ourselves; they remain rightly our primary focus for now".
He paused for just long enough to be sure no-one was going to argue the point - and unsurprisingly no-one dared - before nodding slowly and bringing the meeting to a close.
"Now, we will await Ikari's plan of attack to deal with the Eighth Angel which should be soon by the Scenario. The Committee will meet after this event to critique the operation and adjust the budgeting priorities of Evangelion units Six through Nine accordingly. Until then, we are adjourned".
Without any dissension, the four other men around the table and seven brooding monoliths vanished, as their ultra secure conference network shut down. Leaning back in his luxurious chair, Keel took in his lair as the lights came back on, showing the room that very few people would ever see, deep under the 3rd Branch in Berlin. Holographic projectors around the room could shift the perfectly polished rock walls to show anything in perfect clarity if he wished it to be so from a forest in the Ardens to a perfect duplication of the view from Ikari's office in his Geofront should he wish it, but he generally left it in this true state. He had no need to live in illusions of where he was and who he was.
Much the same it appeared, as the Third Child.
Keel winced as he adjusted his seating, feeling tiny servomotors adjust his frame as he did so. He was old. He knew that by all natural law he should have died years ago, laws he had spat on in his refusal to see his life's work left unaccomplished and simply succumb to the legacy of original sin, dust to dust and ashes to ashes. Much of the cybernetic technology that had created the Evangelions had been adapted for use in keeping him alive and functional, from the artificial spine down his back to the biosynthetic leg muscles and servomotors that let him still walk.
But of course, all of that was internal. From the outside, he looked much the same as any other person...except for his eyes.
Lost to cancer many years ago, the visor that replaced them was functional enough, an outgrowth of the same Angelic technology that had built the formidable Evangelions. Much like Ikari and his omnipresent glasses, the shield they provided for his own thoughts was prized. But where Ikari was merely content to hide his thoughts from others, surprisingly few people thought a blind man could see and so few people tried to truly hide themselves from him.
But Shinji Ikari...
Keel Lorenz stayed in his chair for almost half an hour, the only sign that he was still alive being the faintest humming sound that came in time with the rise and fall of his chest. Finally, he leaned forward and turned his attention to the figure that had not vanished with the council, and had been waiting patiently in his office on the other side of his desk, sipping a brandy liberally drawn from his extensive private stock. Although he had in truth been 'out of the game' for a time in terms of any real authority, the older Ikari had been something of a 'party elder' and probably the closest thing to a mentor he had - a mirror of the relationship between Gendo and Kozo in Tokyo-3.
"Well," Takuya Ikari said with a slight smirk on his face that no-one else in SEELE would dare to present to him. "That didn't go exactly to plan".
"No, but it was enlightening none the less," Keel replied with an equally sardonic expression. "I must admit...he did remind me more of Yui than his Father".
"In his zeal or his sense of moral outrage?" the other said with a brief snort.
"Both of those - but I was thinking more of his intelligence and insights," Keel replied, leaning forward slightly in his chair, his gaze behind the visor boring in on the other. "He knows far more then he should...but more than that, he knew enough to try and hide it from us".
Takuya frowned slightly. "How?"
"The more pertinent question is 'what?'" Keel corrected the other. "I feel confident that he knows we have motives beyond those we publicly admit to - and he clearly knows both we and his Father have, shall we say ... conflicting interests? He has rejected Ikari's attempts to control him just as he saw through ours".
"He may simply view us through the same prism he views his father" Takuya suggested into the silence after a moment as he too mulled the situation over. "Seeing us as being cut from the same cloth, the same group. With agendas and motives beyond our public personas that he has no time for in the war against the Angels? Not an uncommon perspective in frontline soldiers".
"Perhaps..." Keel replied, considering the possibility. "When Shinji first looked at me and ... no," he corrected himself as the revelation in the back of his mind he had been struggling towards finally exploded into his thoughts with full force. "No Takuya. It was when Shinji first heard me, there was a reaction. A reaction much more than surprise ... it was recognition. He knew who I was - simply by the sound of my voice".
"Of course he did, he was told he was going to meet the Chairman and you were the only member of the group to talk to him..."
Again, Keel shook his head, this time with increasing confidence, the servomotors in his neck whirring softly as he did so.
"No, it was more than that. It was genuine recognition, on a level far more than meeting some UN official he should care less about. And only for a moment, he covered his reaction almost at once, quite deliberately. But for that moment, it was almost as if he knew both who I was and what I represented".
"That's impossible," the other declared flatly, before frowning slightly. "Unless, of course, his Father has been telling him things he shouldn't?"
"No. Ikari needs his Son in the dark as much as we do," Keel dismissed the thought ... and behind his visor, his non functional eyes narrowed chillingly as he thought over the situation, and came to the only possible conclusion.
"There's something else going on," he concluded. "I don't know what, I don't know who or how, but Shinji Ikari is playing his own game here outside of all of our controls".
Keel's expression only hardened as he thought over the sudden danger and even though he was not the target of the look, Takuya Ikari felt a chill pass up his spine at the expression of Keels face.
"And we must find out what it is".