Todays whoroscope (reposted from ASVS)

[Eleas]

I take no credit for this, other than translating it from Swedish:





HOROSCOPE (by Viktor)

Aquarius (21/1-18/2)
You are inventive and you lean toward the progressive. You lie
frequently and often. You repeat the same mistake time and again
because you're thick-headed. Everyone thinks you're a goddamned
asshole.

Pisces (19/2-20/3)
You are a pioneer and think most people you meet are shitheads. You're
quick to retaliate, impatient and full of good advice. The only thing
you achieve when meeting new people is to piss them off. You are
touchy.

Aries (21/3-20/4)
You have a vivid imagination and often believe yourself to be followed
by CIA or FBI. You have slight influence upon your friends amd people
despise you for bragging about the small power you possess. You lack
confidence and are an all-around zero.

Taurus (21/4-21/5)
You are practical and persistent. You possess great determination and
work like hell. Most think you're stubborn and pigheaded. But you're
really just a fucking commie.

Gemini (22/5-21/6)
You are intelligent and quick-thinking. People like you because you're
bisexual. You tend to expect too much in return in a relationship
compared to what you give. This means that you're a stingy bastard.
Geminis are notorious for incest.

Cancer (22/6-22/7)
You are sympathetic and understanding when it comes to the problems of
others, which makes you a gullible sod. You always postpone things.
That's why you're always going to live off grants as a parasite on
society. All people in prisons are Cancers.

Leo (23/6-23/8 )
You see yourself as a born leader. Others see you as an idiot. Most
Leos are troublemakers. You are vain and can't take criticism. Your
arrogance is simply revolting. Leos are thieving sluts who get more
out of masturbation than sex.

Virgo (24/8-22/9)
You are the logical type and hate disorder. Your pedantic attitude
makes your friends and coworkers physically ill. You are cold and
insensitive and often fall asleep while fucking. Virgos become good
bus-drivers and pimps.

Libra (23/9-23/10)
You are of the artistic persuasion and have difficulty in grasping
reality. If you're male you are probably a fag. Your chances of
getting hired and recieving good wages are equal to zero. Most female
Libras are whores. All Libras die from venereal diseases.

Scorpius (24/10-22/11)
You are the worst of them all. You have a keen business mind and are
completely unreliable. You are fated to climb to the top of the career
ladder due to your utter lack of ethics and morality. You are the
perfect asshole. Most Scorpios are murdered.

Sagittarius (23/11-21/12)
You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to
blindly trust your luck because you are completely talentless. The
majority of Sagittariuses are drunks. You are a worthless shit.

Capricorn (22/12-20/1)
You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are, in short, a
pansy-ass bitch. No Capricorn has ever amounted to anything. You
should take your own life.

[Evil Jerk]

Gemini (22/5-21/6)
You are intelligent and quick-thinking. People like you because you're
bisexual. You tend to expect too much in return in a relationship
compared to what you give. This means that you're a stingy bastard.
Geminis are notorious for incest.

I will find whoever wrote this and I will kill them.
Then I will use them as fuel for my doomsday device.

[Mr Bean]

Sagittarius (23/11-21/12)

You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to
blindly trust your luck because you are completely talentless. The
majority of Sagittariuses are drunks. You are a worthless shit.

Wow Spookly accurate!

I just happen to know how to take advantage of the other fools of this world to get by

[Raptor 597]

Damnit I'm a Scorpius, hey I'll rule the World via Bill Gates Style, not my plan, but if it works I'll be murdered 10 years into my reign, leaving no heir, causing massive from City to State Size Wars, sort of post Palpatine, after another 10 years of war, a Clone with my spirit or embodiment whatever it is placed into a clone and I sweep up the piecesm secretly uniting my former faction and trusted advisors too sweep the opposition. Too live forever. Muwhahaha.

[NecronLord]

Ditto.

dammit

i'm

not

the

only

one,

only

one

thing

to

do

now


ATTACK!!!

[Cpt_Frank]

Virgo (24/8-22/9)
You are the logical type and hate disorder. Your pedantic attitude
makes your friends and coworkers physically ill. You are cold and
insensitive and often fall asleep while fucking. Virgos become good
bus-drivers and pimps.

Except for that part with the bus drivers it's astonishingly accurate.

[MKSheppard]

I take no credit for this, other than translating it from Swedish:
Virgo (24/8-22/9)
You are the logical type and hate disorder. Your pedantic attitude
makes your friends and coworkers physically ill. You are cold and
insensitive and often fall asleep while fucking. Virgos become good
bus-drivers and pimps.

Is this from August 8th to September 22nd? If so, it's mine.....

*adjusts monocle*

Excellent

[Colonel Olrik]

Aries (21/3-20/4)
You have a vivid imagination and often believe yourself to be followed
by CIA or FBI. You have slight influence upon your friends amd people
despise you for bragging about the small power you possess. You lack
confidence and are an all-around zero.

AH AH!! Impossible. I know for a fact we don't have CIA and FBI here. And our secret police.. is not that secret.. or police..

[Raxmei]

Exactly how many people here are Virgos?

I count that Frank, Shep and myself, making for three.

[Andrew J.]

Scorpius (24/10-22/11)
You are the worst of them all. You have a keen business mind and are
completely unreliable. You are fated to climb to the top of the career
ladder due to your utter lack of ethics and morality. You are the
perfect asshole. Most Scorpios are murdered.

Woo-hoo!

[Ted]

Gemini (22/5-21/6)
You are intelligent and quick-thinking. People like you because you're
bisexual. You tend to expect too much in return in a relationship
compared to what you give. This means that you're a stingy bastard.
Geminis are notorious for incest.

I take offence to this, especially that last line. The first sentence is true, the rest is MEAN.

[Colonel Olrik]

Whow can it be a lie? astrology is an exact science! It's true, I read it once in the cover of a book. And the book was on the science department.
QED.
If you don't feel identified, then what you need is a quest to know yourself

[Mr. B]

Cancer (22/6-22/7)
You are sympathetic and understanding when it comes to the problems of
others, which makes you a gullible sod. You always postpone things.
That's why you're always going to live off grants as a parasite on
society. All people in prisons are Cancers.

Exactly where in Sweden is this horoscope found.

[Grand Admiral Thrawn]

Capricorn (22/12-20/1)
You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are, in short, a
pansy-ass bitch. No Capricorn has ever amounted to anything. You
should take your own life.

However wrote this shall die.

[Anarchist Bunny]

I too am a virgo, and this is older than the Pong Video.

[Eleas]

Cancer (22/6-22/7)
You are sympathetic and understanding when it comes to the problems of
others, which makes you a gullible sod. You always postpone things.
That's why you're always going to live off grants as a parasite on
society. All people in prisons are Cancers.

Exactly where in Sweden is this horoscope found.

It has wandered through many mail servers and its origin has since been lost.

I take offence to this, especially that last line. The first sentence is true, the rest is MEAN.

And you claim to be from ASVS. Uh huh.