those JW's

Shrykull · Post by **Shrykull** » 2002-07-09 04:55pm

I've asked this question to a lot of people, but I want to see if anyone else can come up with any other creative ways to get rid of them. This is what happened to my friend who is a Buddhist. Two Jehova's witnesses came his door, a man and a woman and they had a strategy, they brought a kid with them and had him stand it between them, They asked him his "religion" and he told them he and his wife weren't buddhists, then they started downsizing him, saying Buddhism was a bad religion, etc, then when he tried to close the door on them, the man put his foot in the door, how would you get rid of them?

Post by **Mr Bean** » 2002-07-09 05:06pm

10 Gauge Double Barrel shotgun into the persons nose
Does not have to be loaded(And for gosh sake keep your finger off the trigger)
JW are trained to not go away no matter what but when you kindly inform them that you'll be sending them strait to God if they don't get the hell of your lawn most of them crack

Even better in Texas if they don't go away you CAN shoot them in Self Defense

Crayz9000 · Post by **Crayz9000** » 2002-07-09 05:44pm

Shrykull wrote:Then when he tried to close the door on them, the man put his foot in the door, how would you get rid of them?

Slam the door on his foot and watch him hop away. When the police come, tell them it was in self-defense.

Post by **Mr Bean** » 2002-07-09 06:10pm

Acutal its a whole lot harder to slam the door on someones foot if they know how
When you swing back door to slam foot they get the leg in there too

Also if they are wearing a nice steel toed boot you could slam all you wan't the door is not gonna win

The best Defense is lying,
IE-I am a lawyer I will sue your ass and your group for harrasment if you don't get the @$^%@^% off my lawn
-I am a homsidal manic would you like to come in and drink some bloody of my victrums say you two look just like the last six I killed
-LOOK! Your getting between me and my Football Match, And I'm IRSIH! Get to stepping or I'll knock you a good one just like home town

Howedar · Post by **Howedar** » 2002-07-09 06:35pm

Its easy, you go grab your baseball bat and tell them to get the f*** off your property.

CorSec · Post by **CorSec** » 2002-07-09 10:44pm

The best defense is to not need one. To whit: Don't answer the door.

LMSx · Post by **LMSx** » 2002-07-09 10:51pm

The 9-Step Plan To Remove Jehovah's Witnesses From Your House

1. If you see a group of them coming, prepare a special "potion" of ketchup, red Kool-Aid, and Jack Daniel's Special #7 Whiskey in a 1-gallon container.

2. Put a frozen burrito in the microwave

3. Put the Psychic Friends Hotline on speakerphone (maximum volume).

4. Cover your mouth in the ketchup/Kool-Aid, open the door, and ask them to wait one moment so you can finish your raw lamb meat currently resting in a scorched pile in the BBQ pit in the backyard.

5. Take out a cross and wave it upside down for a couple of minutes, chant nonsenical phrases, and wait for the microwave to beep that it is done.

6. Apologize for the interruption, and run back to the microwave, take out the Burrito, and offer it as a Holy Artifact of the Prince of Bel-air

7. When the psychic's voice comes up, bow your head and shuffle to the phone, and ask the psychic if she's ever had Jack Daniel's Special #7 Whiskey.

8. Finish by saying that burritos go well with raw lamb meat, and hang up. Should the JWs ever walk inside your home during this time, grab the fake blood/whiskey mixture and spray it on them. (It's your home)

8.5-Should Prince be one of the Witnesses, ask for an impromptu concert.

9. Rinse, wash, repeat.

Einhander Snoman · Post by **Einhander Snoman** » 2002-07-09 11:52pm

then when he tried to close the door on them, the man put his foot in the door, how would you get rid of them?

Pickax through the foot! Or for the more sqeamish, sledgehammer on the foot. My boyfriend- oops, Sith Master, has 16 inch biceps and a penchant for very heavy blunt-force weaponry, so imagine what would happen if those 455wipes tried to sell their cheap, watered-down false god (and probably telling us we're going to hell just because I just happen to be a guy instead of a girl) to a man who already has God! Not to mention the simple fact that we can get the by-now wounded JWs for trespassing! There, that's my two Imperial centicredits... Lata and Happy Fragging!

Antediluvian · Post by **Antediluvian** » 2002-07-10 12:09am

Answer the door naked.

If that doesn't scare them off, nothing will.

MagicHateBall · Post by **MagicHateBall** » 2002-07-10 12:16am

Don't answer the door at all. Then drop a tear gas grenade at their feet, followed by the pin.

Robert Treder · Post by **Robert Treder** » 2002-07-10 12:25am

Just tell them that you're also a JW, and that there's no need for them to waste their time with you.

Datana · Post by **Datana** » 2002-07-10 01:08am

Persistent buggers; they tried to "recruit" me every two months like clockwork up until about half a year ago, so I sympathize. Sticking a foot in the door is a new one, AFAIK. When I'm in a particularly puckish mood, I try to consume as much of their time as possible to spare other people the trouble, but most of the time, persistent and repeated refusals are enough to get rid of most of the ones around where I live. They're trained to force you into becoming rude to get rid of them, however, so don't feel bad if you have to get forceful yourself. Remember that they started it, however childish that may sound. Dominating the conversation is the fastest way to get them to leave; they seem to take passiveness as agreeability and push even harder. Getting physical (ushering them out your doorjamb) simply reinforces their faith that you're out to get them, and they'll be back (or bombard you with a hail of literature, then return). They, or someone higher up on the feeding chain, will probably come by again a few times anyway, but you should eventually be able to dissuade them if you keep your nerve.

Mr. Treder's recommendation I would strongly disagree with, however; I hope it was offered in jest. The JWs meet three times weekly for reinforcement of their faith (trans: further brainwashing); if they don't see you at the meetings and you claim to be one of them, they assume that you've gone apostate (one of the worst sins in their eyes) and start to get vicious. No need to make the situation worse than it already is.

Robert Treder · Post by **Robert Treder** » 2002-07-10 01:42am

Hehe, it was made in jest.

In actuality, though we have a Jehovah's Witness Hall in the neighborhood (Testigos de Jehovah), I've never met one of them. Only a matter of time, I suppose...

Einhander Snoman · Post by **Einhander Snoman** » 2002-07-10 04:57am

Mr. Treder's recommendation I would strongly disagree with, however; I hope it was offered in jest. The JWs meet three times weekly for reinforcement of their faith (trans: further brainwashing); if they don't see you at the meetings and you claim to be one of them, they assume that you've gone apostate (one of the worst sins in their eyes) and start to get vicious. No need to make the situation worse than it already is.

Hell, I wouldn't MIND making it worse (for them!) First I'll fib and tell em I'm one of them, then when they realize I'm an impostor and start sending bombing sorties to my homeworld, I'll just start pulling out ALL the stops (things such as pentagrams; answering door naked and, umm, aroused

; using em as target practice with Super Soaker guns [loaded with ketchup mixed with red-dyed water]; testing their faith with very difficult questions *Cough* Christianity Test *Cough*

; telling them I've converted to, say, Wicca; grabbing my Sith Lord's, umm, lightsaber

in front of them [I'm a guy, so they'll start gaybashing and we can get em for hate crime too!!!]; quoting Bible verses right back at em [My Sith Lord also packs a Bible and knows how to use it!] and then to top it off, calling the local Polizei and report em as trespassers!) and make their lives absolute Hell! They're already in my property, so they have no legal recourse or viable options for retaliation whatsoever!

I think in Louisiana it's ok to shoot trespassers and call it self defense too... My 2 more Imperial centicredits. Lata and Watch out for Trespassers holding Bibles!

IDMR · Post by **IDMR** » 2002-07-10 07:36am

Either keep to the logical fallacies and pseudo science (if any) of the Jehovah's witnesses, or take this to the off topics thread.

On second thoughts, better move this...

Pablo Sanchez · Post by **Pablo Sanchez** » 2002-07-10 10:15am

Passive resistance to JWs:

Allow them in and let them sit in your living room. Immediately excuse yourself to get a glass of water, and then do something else. Take a shower, play computer games, whatever. After they get wise to you, pretend you don't know who they are, and threaten to call the police.

Also, if they refuse to get off your doorstep, tell them that you will call the police if they do not leave immediately, and that you will take legal action if they visit again. The law is on your side.

EDIT: Good link, from my personal hero and yours, Chuck Sonnenburg.
http://www.sfdebris.com/chuck1.html

Manji · Post by **Manji** » 2002-07-10 11:13am

Put on some thrash metal as loud as the stereo will go, answer the door dressed in a black trench coat. Inform them that you don't have time to talk to them since you and your freinds are about to engage in a seance after which a cat will be ritually sacrificed in honor of satan, and its blood drunk by everyone present. Add that while you therefore can't spare them the time, if they wished to join you in the seance and sacrifice they are most welcome.

That should get rid of them pretty fast.

Zoink · Post by **Zoink** » 2002-07-10 11:58am

Put on a devil suit, then start saying all sorts of mumbo-jumbo, dance around, sprinkle them with "unholy" water, like you're giving them an unholy blessing.

A Big Flying Fish · Post by **A Big Flying Fish** » 2002-07-10 03:17pm

simple way to get rid of them. Answer the door and act deaf. Hlf way through every sentence just yell as loud as you can "What was that", and they'll leave soon enough
or if that fails, get some finger bells and start doing a mix between a voodoo dance and the macaraina, that should convince them your insane, or just taking too many drugs

Post by **Mr Bean** » 2002-07-10 03:22pm

Or
Answear the door like so

~riiing
Hello?
Yes we are with
AHH OUR SACRIFESE VICTUSM WHERE HAVE YOU Been
Please please sit down I'll go prepare the pentagram then Beslbub will give you some refreshments we can begin the de-virginging(Does not matter if they are of the oposite sex ) and then we can hop right into the blood drinking and crusfictions

If they are still walking and talking at the point exsue yourself from the room and make a good deal of noise elsewhere giving them time to run away
If they are still there advance on them slowy with a knife and ask now Who wants to go fiiiirst?

Most people would run at this point and if they have not by now change tatics

Leave

Walk out the back door and wistle loudly as you go past the front door(which you should have left open)

VF5SS · Post by **VF5SS** » 2002-07-10 03:31pm

Well, if you have a dog like mine, if they stand around long enough the dog will piss on their leg. Not exactly too fancy, but its the simple things in life you treasure.

David · Post by **David** » 2002-07-10 03:56pm

don't answer the door in the first place.

Howedar · Post by **Howedar** » 2002-07-10 04:13pm

No, I have the best way to get rid of them, and I'm not kidding or joking around. Here it is.

When they come to your door and start preaching, break out into joyful noises and scream for happiness and such. When they ask whats going on, tell them you're glad they finally are allowing you back after you were shunned (when the JWs kick you out of their religion). That ought to get rid of them rather quickly.

Sienthal · Post by **Sienthal** » 2002-07-11 05:32am

Personally, I think the best way to get rid of them would be to let them in and have a friend pelt them with a paintball gun as soon as they're inside. However, I've been blessedly free from JWs, so I'm not sure if that'll get them out

.

On a second note, duct tape (The universal problem solver) might make for an efficient deterrent (Get their hands and mouth, then boot them out). For added fun, duct tape their hands to their pamphlets, then light the said pamphlets on fire.

IDMR · Post by **IDMR** » 2002-07-11 05:59am

I never have to worry about them. The porter won't let them in, for a start.

StarDestroyer.Net BBS

those JW's

those JW's

Re: those JW's

heh