Good work Texas, good work

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muse
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Good work Texas, good work

Post by muse »

This bill is now before the Legislature in Texas.
http://www.legis.state.tx.us/tlodocs/85 ... 04260I.htm

Choice excerpts:
A BILL TO BE ENTITLED
AN ACT
relating to the regulation of men's health and safety; creating a
civil penalty for unregulated masturbatory emissions.
BE IT ENACTED BY THE LEGISLATURE OF THE STATE OF TEXAS:
SECTION 1. Subtitle H, Title 2, Health and Safety Code, is
amended by adding Chapter 173 to read as follows:
Sec. 173.001. SHORT TITLE. This chapter may be called the
Man's Right to Know Act.
Sec. 173.002. PURPOSE. The purpose of this chapter is to
express the state's interest in promoting men's health; ensure
Texas men experience safe and healthy elective vasectomies, Viagra
utilizations, colonoscopies procedures, and men's health
experiences; ensure a doctor's right to invoke their personal,
moralistic, or religious beliefs in refusing to perform an elective
vasectomy or prescribe Viagra; and promote fully-abstinent sexual
relations or occasional masturbatory emissions inside health care
and medical facilities, as a means of the healthiest way to ensure
men's health.
Sec. 173.009. SONOGRAM ELECTION. An attending physician
must administer a medically-unnecessary digital rectal exam and
magnetic resonance imagining of the rectum before administering an
elective vasectomy or colonoscopy procedure, or prescribing
Viagra. This digital rectal exam and rectal sonogram must take
place during the initial health care consultation before an
elective vasectomy is performed, a prescription is given for
Viagra, or a colonoscopy is performed.
Sec. 173.010. FINES RELATED TO MASTURBATORY EMISSIONS.
Masturbatory emissions created in health or medical facilities will
be stored for the purposes of conception for a current or future
wife.
(a) Emissions outside of a woman's vagina, or created
outside of a health or medical facility, will be charged a $100
civil penalty for each emission, and will be considered an act
against an unborn child, and failing to preserve the sanctity of
life.
(b) Penalties collected under this section will be
deposited in a fund established by the Department of Family and
Protective Services for the purpose of the care and services
provided to children in the conservatorship of the Department of
Family Protective Services in order to assist in the assertion of
the importance of the sanctity of life.
ø¤ º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur.
(Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.)

I like Celine Dion myself. Her ballads alone....they make me go all teary-eyed and shit.
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Khaat
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Re: Good work Texas, good work

Post by Khaat »

Make it a Federal law, and you could pay off the national debt in a week!
Rule #1: Believe the autocrat. He means what he says.
Rule #2: Do not be taken in by small signs of normality.
Rule #3: Institutions will not save you.
Rule #4: Be outraged.
Rule #5: Don’t make compromises.
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Re: Good work Texas, good work

Post by LadyTevar »

:wanker: :wanker: :wanker: :wanker:

:angelic:
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The Romulan Republic
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Re: Good work Texas, good work

Post by The Romulan Republic »

Every time that you think the Republican Party can't get crazier, or stupider...

Edit: Note, also, how it penalizes "Emissions outside of a woman's vagina..."

So its both a masturbation ban and a return of the sodomy ban.

Of course, even if this were to pass, the Supreme Court would presumably slap it down, unless the Orange Rapist (who thinks that sex should only be between a rich man and coerced, possibly underage models) gets to appoint more than one more judge. But the fact that its futile stupidity doesn't make it any less stupid.
"I know its easy to be defeatist here because nothing has seemingly reigned Trump in so far. But I will say this: every asshole succeeds until finally, they don't. Again, 18 months before he resigned, Nixon had a sky-high approval rating of 67%. Harvey Weinstein was winning Oscars until one day, he definitely wasn't."-John Oliver

"The greatest enemy of a good plan is the dream of a perfect plan."-General Von Clauswitz, describing my opinion of Bernie or Busters and third partiers in a nutshell.

I SUPPORT A NATIONAL GENERAL STRIKE TO REMOVE TRUMP FROM OFFICE.
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aerius
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Re: Good work Texas, good work

Post by aerius »

The Romulan Republic wrote:Every time that you think the Republican Party can't get crazier, or stupider...

Edit: Note, also, how it penalizes "Emissions outside of a woman's vagina..."

So its both a masturbation ban and a return of the sodomy ban.
You know those times when someone bungs up so bad that you can't even bring yourself to laugh at him? This is one of those times. I'd suggest looking up the name of the person who introduced this bill and her party affiliation. This shouldn't be too hard, given that her name is right at the top of the bill.
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aerius: I'll vote for you if you sleep with me. :)
Lusankya: Deal!
Say, do you want it to be a threesome with your wife? Or a foursome with your wife and sister-in-law? I'm up for either. :P
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The Romulan Republic
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Re: Good work Texas, good work

Post by The Romulan Republic »

aerius wrote:
The Romulan Republic wrote:Every time that you think the Republican Party can't get crazier, or stupider...

Edit: Note, also, how it penalizes "Emissions outside of a woman's vagina..."

So its both a masturbation ban and a return of the sodomy ban.
You know those times when someone bungs up so bad that you can't even bring yourself to laugh at him? This is one of those times. I'd suggest looking up the name of the person who introduced this bill and her party affiliation. This shouldn't be too hard, given that her name is right at the top of the bill.
I see. Its a satirical bill introduced by a Democrat. But their's absolutely no way to tell that from the OP post or the article it linked to, and, let's be honest, would anyone be surprised if a Republican legislator seriously introduced such a bill?

Hell, I could totally see this attempt at trolling backfiring when the Republicans vote it in, in the name of Christian values.

I don't know, maybe you just have more faith in the Republican Party than I do.

Edit: Well pranked, OP.
"I know its easy to be defeatist here because nothing has seemingly reigned Trump in so far. But I will say this: every asshole succeeds until finally, they don't. Again, 18 months before he resigned, Nixon had a sky-high approval rating of 67%. Harvey Weinstein was winning Oscars until one day, he definitely wasn't."-John Oliver

"The greatest enemy of a good plan is the dream of a perfect plan."-General Von Clauswitz, describing my opinion of Bernie or Busters and third partiers in a nutshell.

I SUPPORT A NATIONAL GENERAL STRIKE TO REMOVE TRUMP FROM OFFICE.
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aerius
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Re: Good work Texas, good work

Post by aerius »

The Romulan Republic wrote:I see. Its a satirical bill introduced by a Democrat. But their's absolutely no way to tell that from the OP post or the article it linked to, and, let's be honest, would anyone be surprised if a Republican legislator seriously introduced such a bill?
I don't know about others, but when I see things like this
Sec. 173.009. SONOGRAM ELECTION. An attending physician
must administer a medically-unnecessary digital rectal exam and
magnetic resonance imagining of the rectum before administering an
elective vasectomy or colonoscopy procedure, or prescribing
Viagra.
The first thing I'm going to do is see if I'm on a parody site or not. Seriously, they're proposing gratuitous anal probes using the fingers and you're not thinking that there's something fishy? Come on now, anal probes for Viagra prescriptions? Think man, think!
Image
aerius: I'll vote for you if you sleep with me. :)
Lusankya: Deal!
Say, do you want it to be a threesome with your wife? Or a foursome with your wife and sister-in-law? I'm up for either. :P
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muse
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Re: Good work Texas, good work

Post by muse »

Road Trip was prophetic

ø¤ º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur.
(Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.)

I like Celine Dion myself. Her ballads alone....they make me go all teary-eyed and shit.
- Havok
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Khaat
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Re: Good work Texas, good work

Post by Khaat »

Pre-abortion vaginal sonograms in Texas, boys: reproductive healthcare interrupted by yet another Red-state-mandated violation of one's person.
Rule #1: Believe the autocrat. He means what he says.
Rule #2: Do not be taken in by small signs of normality.
Rule #3: Institutions will not save you.
Rule #4: Be outraged.
Rule #5: Don’t make compromises.
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The Romulan Republic
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Re: Good work Texas, good work

Post by The Romulan Republic »

aerius wrote:
The Romulan Republic wrote:I see. Its a satirical bill introduced by a Democrat. But their's absolutely no way to tell that from the OP post or the article it linked to, and, let's be honest, would anyone be surprised if a Republican legislator seriously introduced such a bill?
I don't know about others, but when I see things like this
Sec. 173.009. SONOGRAM ELECTION. An attending physician
must administer a medically-unnecessary digital rectal exam and
magnetic resonance imagining of the rectum before administering an
elective vasectomy or colonoscopy procedure, or prescribing
Viagra.
The first thing I'm going to do is see if I'm on a parody site or not. Seriously, they're proposing gratuitous anal probes using the fingers and you're not thinking that there's something fishy? Come on now, anal probes for Viagra prescriptions? Think man, think!
Eh, Bible Belters pretty much hate sex. They may hate female and gay sex more, but anything not Bible-sanctioned is likely to get frowned on, at least publicly.
"I know its easy to be defeatist here because nothing has seemingly reigned Trump in so far. But I will say this: every asshole succeeds until finally, they don't. Again, 18 months before he resigned, Nixon had a sky-high approval rating of 67%. Harvey Weinstein was winning Oscars until one day, he definitely wasn't."-John Oliver

"The greatest enemy of a good plan is the dream of a perfect plan."-General Von Clauswitz, describing my opinion of Bernie or Busters and third partiers in a nutshell.

I SUPPORT A NATIONAL GENERAL STRIKE TO REMOVE TRUMP FROM OFFICE.
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TheFeniX
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Re: Good work Texas, good work

Post by TheFeniX »

I should... totally throw this in my wife's face because our "us time" has been cut down WAY to low since the birth of FeniX Jr. Be like, "Honey! I can't be breaking the law so DO YOUR DUTY FOR AMERICA!"

You guys are hilarious at times though. Like, this thread is a fucking riot. Look, Texas is BAD, but there ARE people here who fight the power and are willing to fight fire with.... male semen.
aerius wrote:You know those times when someone bungs up so bad that you can't even bring yourself to laugh at him? This is one of those times. I'd suggest looking up the name of the person who introduced this bill and her party affiliation. This shouldn't be too hard, given that her name is right at the top of the bill.
I got this immediately. Farrar, IIRC, was also behind the Democrats in the legislature taking off for OK to fuck Republicans way back. LOOSE CANNON! I've always liked this woman.
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Re: Good work Texas, good work

Post by Raw Shark »


"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker
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aerius
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Re: Good work Texas, good work

Post by aerius »

Khaat wrote:Make it a Federal law, and you could pay off the national debt in a week!
Not if I open up a nationwide chain of discount brothels. 20 minute quickies for $110.
You can pay the masturbation fine, or for just $10 more, you can get laid!

The hard part will be laundering my money so that I don't pay taxes.
Image
aerius: I'll vote for you if you sleep with me. :)
Lusankya: Deal!
Say, do you want it to be a threesome with your wife? Or a foursome with your wife and sister-in-law? I'm up for either. :P
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Re: Good work Texas, good work

Post by Broomstick »

The Romulan Republic wrote:I see. Its a satirical bill introduced by a Democrat. But their's absolutely no way to tell that from the OP post or the article it linked to, and, let's be honest, would anyone be surprised if a Republican legislator seriously introduced such a bill?
Yes, I would be surprised because it would seriously inconvenience men and penalize them for being men. That's not the Republican Way. Christian white men are the default and the ideal.
A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved, except in memory. Leonard Nimoy.

Now I did a job. I got nothing but trouble since I did it, not to mention more than a few unkind words as regard to my character so let me make this abundantly clear. I do the job. And then I get paid.- Malcolm Reynolds, Captain of Serenity, which sums up my feelings regarding the lawsuit discussed here.

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Re: Good work Texas, good work

Post by General Zod »

aerius wrote:
Khaat wrote:Make it a Federal law, and you could pay off the national debt in a week!
Not if I open up a nationwide chain of discount brothels. 20 minute quickies for $110.
You can pay the masturbation fine, or for just $10 more, you can get laid!

The hard part will be laundering my money so that I don't pay taxes.
20 minutes is hardly enough time for a handy.
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The Romulan Republic
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Re: Good work Texas, good work

Post by The Romulan Republic »

Broomstick wrote:
The Romulan Republic wrote:I see. Its a satirical bill introduced by a Democrat. But their's absolutely no way to tell that from the OP post or the article it linked to, and, let's be honest, would anyone be surprised if a Republican legislator seriously introduced such a bill?
Yes, I would be surprised because it would seriously inconvenience men and penalize them for being men. That's not the Republican Way. Christian white men are the default and the ideal.
Point taken, though like I said, the Christian Right also has an ideological hostility towards sex (or at least any sex not strictly for reproduction) in general. So targeting, say, masturbation is at least conceivably within their ideological framework.
"I know its easy to be defeatist here because nothing has seemingly reigned Trump in so far. But I will say this: every asshole succeeds until finally, they don't. Again, 18 months before he resigned, Nixon had a sky-high approval rating of 67%. Harvey Weinstein was winning Oscars until one day, he definitely wasn't."-John Oliver

"The greatest enemy of a good plan is the dream of a perfect plan."-General Von Clauswitz, describing my opinion of Bernie or Busters and third partiers in a nutshell.

I SUPPORT A NATIONAL GENERAL STRIKE TO REMOVE TRUMP FROM OFFICE.
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Re: Good work Texas, good work

Post by Elfdart »

Arkansas just introduced a bill where a woman who has been raped can be sued by her rapist to prevent her from aborting. The problem is that state and federal districts are so rigged that the only competition is to see who can be the most bigoted, misogynistic asshole. Like George Wallace vowing to never be "out-niggrahed" again in Alabama.
muse wrote:Road Trip was prophetic

My first prostate exam caused me the kind of raging hard-on men my age normally don't get unless the SO is wearing stockings, an Eva Green movie is playing on cable, or some other kind of coaxing is involved. Just remember: Milk a cow and you have milk for a day. Milk a bull and you have a friend for life!
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Re: Good work Texas, good work

Post by Eternal_Freedom »

Elfdart wrote:Arkansas just introduced a bill where a woman who has been raped can be sued by her rapist to prevent her from aborting. The problem is that state and federal districts are so rigged that the only competition is to see who can be the most bigoted, misogynistic asshole. Like George Wallace vowing to never be "out-niggrahed" again in Alabama.
That's impressively shit. Though I suppose it would require you to basically confess to the rape before you can sue though, so I doubt many people who aren't already imprisoned for rape would do so.
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Re: Good work Texas, good work

Post by Flagg »

Elfdart wrote:Arkansas just introduced a bill where a woman who has been raped can be sued by her rapist to prevent her from aborting. The problem is that state and federal districts are so rigged that the only competition is to see who can be the most bigoted, misogynistic asshole. Like George Wallace vowing to never be "out-niggrahed" again in Alabama.
The important thing is that knocked up women with financial means can still go to another country to get an abortion.
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Re: Good work Texas, good work

Post by Terralthra »

Eternal_Freedom wrote:
Elfdart wrote:Arkansas just introduced a bill where a woman who has been raped can be sued by her rapist to prevent her from aborting. The problem is that state and federal districts are so rigged that the only competition is to see who can be the most bigoted, misogynistic asshole. Like George Wallace vowing to never be "out-niggrahed" again in Alabama.
That's impressively shit. Though I suppose it would require you to basically confess to the rape before you can sue though, so I doubt many people who aren't already imprisoned for rape would do so.
Unless the charges were dropped (or the case was lost) on the belief that the sex occurred, but was consensual. Which is most cases.
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Eternal_Freedom
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Re: Good work Texas, good work

Post by Eternal_Freedom »

Terralthra wrote:
Eternal_Freedom wrote:
Elfdart wrote:Arkansas just introduced a bill where a woman who has been raped can be sued by her rapist to prevent her from aborting. The problem is that state and federal districts are so rigged that the only competition is to see who can be the most bigoted, misogynistic asshole. Like George Wallace vowing to never be "out-niggrahed" again in Alabama.
That's impressively shit. Though I suppose it would require you to basically confess to the rape before you can sue though, so I doubt many people who aren't already imprisoned for rape would do so.
Unless the charges were dropped (or the case was lost) on the belief that the sex occurred, but was consensual. Which is most cases.
Well shit. Well done Arkansas.
Baltar: "I don't want to miss a moment of the last Battlestar's destruction!"
Centurion: "Sir, I really think you should look at the other Battlestar."
Baltar: "What are you babbling about other...it's impossible!"
Centurion: "No. It is a Battlestar."

Corrax Entry 7:17: So you walk eternally through the shadow realms, standing against evil where all others falter. May your thirst for retribution never quench, may the blood on your sword never dry, and may we never need you again.
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