Good work Texas, good work

OT: anything goes!

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muse
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Good work Texas, good work

Postby muse » 2017-03-15 10:28am

This bill is now before the Legislature in Texas.
http://www.legis.state.tx.us/tlodocs/85 ... 04260I.htm

Choice excerpts:

A BILL TO BE ENTITLED
AN ACT
relating to the regulation of men's health and safety; creating a
civil penalty for unregulated masturbatory emissions.
BE IT ENACTED BY THE LEGISLATURE OF THE STATE OF TEXAS:
SECTION 1. Subtitle H, Title 2, Health and Safety Code, is
amended by adding Chapter 173 to read as follows:
Sec. 173.001. SHORT TITLE. This chapter may be called the
Man's Right to Know Act.
Sec. 173.002. PURPOSE. The purpose of this chapter is to
express the state's interest in promoting men's health; ensure
Texas men experience safe and healthy elective vasectomies, Viagra
utilizations, colonoscopies procedures, and men's health
experiences; ensure a doctor's right to invoke their personal,
moralistic, or religious beliefs in refusing to perform an elective
vasectomy or prescribe Viagra; and promote fully-abstinent sexual
relations or occasional masturbatory emissions inside health care
and medical facilities, as a means of the healthiest way to ensure
men's health.


Sec. 173.009. SONOGRAM ELECTION. An attending physician
must administer a medically-unnecessary digital rectal exam and
magnetic resonance imagining of the rectum before administering an
elective vasectomy or colonoscopy procedure, or prescribing
Viagra. This digital rectal exam and rectal sonogram must take
place during the initial health care consultation before an
elective vasectomy is performed, a prescription is given for
Viagra, or a colonoscopy is performed.
Sec. 173.010. FINES RELATED TO MASTURBATORY EMISSIONS.
Masturbatory emissions created in health or medical facilities will
be stored for the purposes of conception for a current or future
wife.
(a) Emissions outside of a woman's vagina, or created
outside of a health or medical facility, will be charged a $100
civil penalty for each emission, and will be considered an act
against an unborn child, and failing to preserve the sanctity of
life.
(b) Penalties collected under this section will be
deposited in a fund established by the Department of Family and
Protective Services for the purpose of the care and services
provided to children in the conservatorship of the Department of
Family Protective Services in order to assist in the assertion of
the importance of the sanctity of life.
ø¤ º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur.
(Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.)

I like Celine Dion myself. Her ballads alone....they make me go all teary-eyed and shit.
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Khaat
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Re: Good work Texas, good work

Postby Khaat » 2017-03-15 10:55am

Make it a Federal law, and you could pay off the national debt in a week!
"Just because you're the captain doesn't mean you can order me to... oh, right. Fuck, it does." - Krep, Spacetrawler

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Re: Good work Texas, good work

Postby LadyTevar » 2017-03-15 12:28pm

:wanker: :wanker: :wanker: :wanker:

:angelic:
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The Romulan Republic
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Re: Good work Texas, good work

Postby The Romulan Republic » 2017-03-15 12:46pm

Every time that you think the Republican Party can't get crazier, or stupider...

Edit: Note, also, how it penalizes "Emissions outside of a woman's vagina..."

So its both a masturbation ban and a return of the sodomy ban.

Of course, even if this were to pass, the Supreme Court would presumably slap it down, unless the Orange Rapist (who thinks that sex should only be between a rich man and coerced, possibly underage models) gets to appoint more than one more judge. But the fact that its futile stupidity doesn't make it any less stupid.
"Our progress in degeneracy appears to me to be pretty rapid. As a nation, we began by declaring that "all men are created equal." We now practically read it "all men are created equal, except negroes" When the Know-Nothings get control, it will read "all men are created equal, except negroes, and foreigners, and Catholics." When it comes to this I should prefer emigrating to some country where they make no pretence of loving liberty -- to Russia, for instance, where despotism can be taken pure, and without the base alloy of hypocracy." - Lincoln.

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aerius
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Re: Good work Texas, good work

Postby aerius » 2017-03-15 01:25pm

The Romulan Republic wrote:Every time that you think the Republican Party can't get crazier, or stupider...

Edit: Note, also, how it penalizes "Emissions outside of a woman's vagina..."

So its both a masturbation ban and a return of the sodomy ban.


You know those times when someone bungs up so bad that you can't even bring yourself to laugh at him? This is one of those times. I'd suggest looking up the name of the person who introduced this bill and her party affiliation. This shouldn't be too hard, given that her name is right at the top of the bill.
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aerius: I'll vote for you if you sleep with me. :)
Lusankya: Deal!
Say, do you want it to be a threesome with your wife? Or a foursome with your wife and sister-in-law? I'm up for either. :P

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The Romulan Republic
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Re: Good work Texas, good work

Postby The Romulan Republic » 2017-03-15 01:34pm

aerius wrote:
The Romulan Republic wrote:Every time that you think the Republican Party can't get crazier, or stupider...

Edit: Note, also, how it penalizes "Emissions outside of a woman's vagina..."

So its both a masturbation ban and a return of the sodomy ban.


You know those times when someone bungs up so bad that you can't even bring yourself to laugh at him? This is one of those times. I'd suggest looking up the name of the person who introduced this bill and her party affiliation. This shouldn't be too hard, given that her name is right at the top of the bill.


I see. Its a satirical bill introduced by a Democrat. But their's absolutely no way to tell that from the OP post or the article it linked to, and, let's be honest, would anyone be surprised if a Republican legislator seriously introduced such a bill?

Hell, I could totally see this attempt at trolling backfiring when the Republicans vote it in, in the name of Christian values.

I don't know, maybe you just have more faith in the Republican Party than I do.

Edit: Well pranked, OP.
"Our progress in degeneracy appears to me to be pretty rapid. As a nation, we began by declaring that "all men are created equal." We now practically read it "all men are created equal, except negroes" When the Know-Nothings get control, it will read "all men are created equal, except negroes, and foreigners, and Catholics." When it comes to this I should prefer emigrating to some country where they make no pretence of loving liberty -- to Russia, for instance, where despotism can be taken pure, and without the base alloy of hypocracy." - Lincoln.

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aerius
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Re: Good work Texas, good work

Postby aerius » 2017-03-15 01:47pm

The Romulan Republic wrote:I see. Its a satirical bill introduced by a Democrat. But their's absolutely no way to tell that from the OP post or the article it linked to, and, let's be honest, would anyone be surprised if a Republican legislator seriously introduced such a bill?


I don't know about others, but when I see things like this
Sec. 173.009. SONOGRAM ELECTION. An attending physician
must administer a medically-unnecessary digital rectal exam and
magnetic resonance imagining of the rectum before administering an
elective vasectomy or colonoscopy procedure, or prescribing
Viagra.


The first thing I'm going to do is see if I'm on a parody site or not. Seriously, they're proposing gratuitous anal probes using the fingers and you're not thinking that there's something fishy? Come on now, anal probes for Viagra prescriptions? Think man, think!
Image
aerius: I'll vote for you if you sleep with me. :)
Lusankya: Deal!
Say, do you want it to be a threesome with your wife? Or a foursome with your wife and sister-in-law? I'm up for either. :P

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muse
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Re: Good work Texas, good work

Postby muse » 2017-03-15 01:51pm

Road Trip was prophetic

ø¤ º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur.
(Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.)

I like Celine Dion myself. Her ballads alone....they make me go all teary-eyed and shit.
- Havok

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Khaat
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Re: Good work Texas, good work

Postby Khaat » 2017-03-15 01:54pm

Pre-abortion vaginal sonograms in Texas, boys: reproductive healthcare interrupted by yet another Red-state-mandated violation of one's person.
"Just because you're the captain doesn't mean you can order me to... oh, right. Fuck, it does." - Krep, Spacetrawler

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The Romulan Republic
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Re: Good work Texas, good work

Postby The Romulan Republic » 2017-03-15 02:12pm

aerius wrote:
The Romulan Republic wrote:I see. Its a satirical bill introduced by a Democrat. But their's absolutely no way to tell that from the OP post or the article it linked to, and, let's be honest, would anyone be surprised if a Republican legislator seriously introduced such a bill?


I don't know about others, but when I see things like this
Sec. 173.009. SONOGRAM ELECTION. An attending physician
must administer a medically-unnecessary digital rectal exam and
magnetic resonance imagining of the rectum before administering an
elective vasectomy or colonoscopy procedure, or prescribing
Viagra.


The first thing I'm going to do is see if I'm on a parody site or not. Seriously, they're proposing gratuitous anal probes using the fingers and you're not thinking that there's something fishy? Come on now, anal probes for Viagra prescriptions? Think man, think!


Eh, Bible Belters pretty much hate sex. They may hate female and gay sex more, but anything not Bible-sanctioned is likely to get frowned on, at least publicly.
"Our progress in degeneracy appears to me to be pretty rapid. As a nation, we began by declaring that "all men are created equal." We now practically read it "all men are created equal, except negroes" When the Know-Nothings get control, it will read "all men are created equal, except negroes, and foreigners, and Catholics." When it comes to this I should prefer emigrating to some country where they make no pretence of loving liberty -- to Russia, for instance, where despotism can be taken pure, and without the base alloy of hypocracy." - Lincoln.

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TheFeniX
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Re: Good work Texas, good work

Postby TheFeniX » 2017-03-15 04:37pm

I should... totally throw this in my wife's face because our "us time" has been cut down WAY to low since the birth of FeniX Jr. Be like, "Honey! I can't be breaking the law so DO YOUR DUTY FOR AMERICA!"

You guys are hilarious at times though. Like, this thread is a fucking riot. Look, Texas is BAD, but there ARE people here who fight the power and are willing to fight fire with.... male semen.

aerius wrote:You know those times when someone bungs up so bad that you can't even bring yourself to laugh at him? This is one of those times. I'd suggest looking up the name of the person who introduced this bill and her party affiliation. This shouldn't be too hard, given that her name is right at the top of the bill.
I got this immediately. Farrar, IIRC, was also behind the Democrats in the legislature taking off for OK to fuck Republicans way back. LOOSE CANNON! I've always liked this woman.

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Re: Good work Texas, good work

Postby Raw Shark » 2017-03-17 02:44pm


"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker

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aerius
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Re: Good work Texas, good work

Postby aerius » 2017-03-20 12:41am

Khaat wrote:Make it a Federal law, and you could pay off the national debt in a week!


Not if I open up a nationwide chain of discount brothels. 20 minute quickies for $110.
You can pay the masturbation fine, or for just $10 more, you can get laid!

The hard part will be laundering my money so that I don't pay taxes.
Image
aerius: I'll vote for you if you sleep with me. :)
Lusankya: Deal!
Say, do you want it to be a threesome with your wife? Or a foursome with your wife and sister-in-law? I'm up for either. :P

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Re: Good work Texas, good work

Postby Broomstick » 2017-03-20 08:07am

The Romulan Republic wrote:I see. Its a satirical bill introduced by a Democrat. But their's absolutely no way to tell that from the OP post or the article it linked to, and, let's be honest, would anyone be surprised if a Republican legislator seriously introduced such a bill?

Yes, I would be surprised because it would seriously inconvenience men and penalize them for being men. That's not the Republican Way. Christian white men are the default and the ideal.
Now I did a job. I got nothing but trouble since I did it, not to mention more than a few unkind words as regard to my character so let me make this abundantly clear. I do the job. And then I get paid. - Malcolm Reynolds, Captain of Serenity, which sums up my feelings regarding the lawsuit discussed here.

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Re: Good work Texas, good work

Postby General Zod » 2017-03-20 08:16am

aerius wrote:
Khaat wrote:Make it a Federal law, and you could pay off the national debt in a week!


Not if I open up a nationwide chain of discount brothels. 20 minute quickies for $110.
You can pay the masturbation fine, or for just $10 more, you can get laid!

The hard part will be laundering my money so that I don't pay taxes.


20 minutes is hardly enough time for a handy.
"It's you Americans. There's something about nipples you hate. If this were Germany, we'd be romping around naked on the stage here."

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The Romulan Republic
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Re: Good work Texas, good work

Postby The Romulan Republic » 2017-03-20 12:26pm

Broomstick wrote:
The Romulan Republic wrote:I see. Its a satirical bill introduced by a Democrat. But their's absolutely no way to tell that from the OP post or the article it linked to, and, let's be honest, would anyone be surprised if a Republican legislator seriously introduced such a bill?

Yes, I would be surprised because it would seriously inconvenience men and penalize them for being men. That's not the Republican Way. Christian white men are the default and the ideal.


Point taken, though like I said, the Christian Right also has an ideological hostility towards sex (or at least any sex not strictly for reproduction) in general. So targeting, say, masturbation is at least conceivably within their ideological framework.
"Our progress in degeneracy appears to me to be pretty rapid. As a nation, we began by declaring that "all men are created equal." We now practically read it "all men are created equal, except negroes" When the Know-Nothings get control, it will read "all men are created equal, except negroes, and foreigners, and Catholics." When it comes to this I should prefer emigrating to some country where they make no pretence of loving liberty -- to Russia, for instance, where despotism can be taken pure, and without the base alloy of hypocracy." - Lincoln.


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