http://www.legis.state.tx.us/tlodocs/85 ... 04260I.htm
A BILL TO BE ENTITLED
relating to the regulation of men's health and safety; creating a
civil penalty for unregulated masturbatory emissions.
BE IT ENACTED BY THE LEGISLATURE OF THE STATE OF TEXAS:
SECTION 1. Subtitle H, Title 2, Health and Safety Code, is
amended by adding Chapter 173 to read as follows:
Sec. 173.001. SHORT TITLE. This chapter may be called the
Man's Right to Know Act.
Sec. 173.002. PURPOSE. The purpose of this chapter is to
express the state's interest in promoting men's health; ensure
Texas men experience safe and healthy elective vasectomies, Viagra
utilizations, colonoscopies procedures, and men's health
experiences; ensure a doctor's right to invoke their personal,
moralistic, or religious beliefs in refusing to perform an elective
vasectomy or prescribe Viagra; and promote fully-abstinent sexual
relations or occasional masturbatory emissions inside health care
and medical facilities, as a means of the healthiest way to ensure
Sec. 173.009. SONOGRAM ELECTION. An attending physician
must administer a medically-unnecessary digital rectal exam and
magnetic resonance imagining of the rectum before administering an
elective vasectomy or colonoscopy procedure, or prescribing
Viagra. This digital rectal exam and rectal sonogram must take
place during the initial health care consultation before an
elective vasectomy is performed, a prescription is given for
Viagra, or a colonoscopy is performed.
Sec. 173.010. FINES RELATED TO MASTURBATORY EMISSIONS.
Masturbatory emissions created in health or medical facilities will
be stored for the purposes of conception for a current or future
(a) Emissions outside of a woman's vagina, or created
outside of a health or medical facility, will be charged a $100
civil penalty for each emission, and will be considered an act
against an unborn child, and failing to preserve the sanctity of
(b) Penalties collected under this section will be
deposited in a fund established by the Department of Family and
Protective Services for the purpose of the care and services
provided to children in the conservatorship of the Department of
Family Protective Services in order to assist in the assertion of
the importance of the sanctity of life.