MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

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Lord Revan
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby Lord Revan » 2016-12-11 01:05pm

Raw Shark wrote:JACKASS: I'm not somebody that you want to fuck with, motherfucker.

YOUR DRIVER: My Mom is a very pretty lady, but we're not quite that close.

JACKASS: I don't give a fuck about your Mom.

YOUR DRIVER: Hey, you brought her into it.
:lol:

Was said jackass drunk as well or just picking a fight for no good reason?
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Oh wait, that's marijuana..."Einhander Sn0m4n

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Raw Shark
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby Raw Shark » 2016-12-11 02:11pm

Lord Revan wrote:Was said jackass drunk as well or just picking a fight for no good reason?


Both, I suspect.

"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker

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LaCroix
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby LaCroix » 2016-12-12 07:27am

Raw Shark wrote:
Lord Revan wrote:Was said jackass drunk as well or just picking a fight for no good reason?


Both, I suspect.


The season for wishes fulfilled.
May it be butt slaps or kickings.
They ask, they shall receive.
A minute's thought suggests that the very idea of this is stupid. A more detailed examination raises the possibility that it might be an answer to the question "how could the Germans win the war after the US gets involved?" - Captain Seafort, in a thread proposing a 1942 'D-Day' in Quiberon Bay

I do archery skeet. With a Trebuchet.

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Raw Shark
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby Raw Shark » 2016-12-12 08:30am

I actually managed to defuse that one. He was just posturing because he insisted repeatedly that I was going the wrong way and I proved him to be incorrect.

"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker

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aerius
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby aerius » 2016-12-15 09:53am

Coworker: WHY IS IT SO COLD??
Me: Because Canada, that's why
Coworker: Why did I move here??
Me: I don't know, you tell me
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aerius: I'll vote for you if you sleep with me. :)
Lusankya: Deal!
Say, do you want it to be a threesome with your wife? Or a foursome with your wife and sister-in-law? I'm up for either. :P

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LadyTevar
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby LadyTevar » 2016-12-16 10:59pm

New job, so I have new Conversations to report!

Number 1:
My Boss comes out, tells me I'm cut because there's no Lunch Rush
I thank him, sign out, and ask the cooks to make me a burger & fries as my free meal.
A minute later My Boss comes back. "Uh... let's make this a 30min break instead. I honestly thought it was 1p, not 11:30."
After my 30min break, there was no lunch rush, so he let me go anyway.

Number 2:
We have real whipped cream, which we keep in a bucket on ice on the line. We have real butter, and we keep a small scoop in a container of hot water on the line, not far from the ice bucket.
"Who put the Whipped Cream in the Butter Water!?!"
yes, someone switched the whipped cream and the butter scoop. Wasted a whole tube of whipped cream for a joke.

Number 3:
Customer comes in, looking for wife.
I let him look for her, and he can't find her.
So I ask if he wants to wait, and he shakes his head "Nope, this is IHOP. She's at Cracker Barrel."
Image

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Nitram, slightly high on cough syrup: Do you know you're beautiful?
Me: Nope, that's why I have you around to tell me.
Nitram: You -are- beautiful. Anyone tries to tell you otherwise kill them.
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Enigma
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby Enigma » 2016-12-18 04:56pm

We joke a lot at work, it really helps in dealing with working nights.

The Q&A guy came by my section to check on my work and as he did so a co-worker came by and comments on my work.

Co-Worker: *joking* They look ugly.
Me: Much like looking at your reflection!
Q&A Guy: *laughs* Burn!
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"How so?"
"Unfuckable."
SMBC

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Raw Shark
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby Raw Shark » 2016-12-18 11:43pm

I prefer to work nights. I feel alive at night, and sleepy during the day. I've heard that it's a variation in brain chemistry that has something to do with melatonin that affects about 10% of the human race. Probably due to evolution; some of us kept watch while the rest slept back in the stone age. My Favorite Stripper calls us vampires.

"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker

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Raw Shark
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby Raw Shark » 2016-12-19 01:03am

OLDEST REGULAR: Shark. You up for a wheel job?

YOUR DRIVER: It's been a while, but yeah. I quit drinking and it's been... boring.

OLDEST REGULAR: I promise you, this won't be boring.

YOUR DRIVER: When and where?

OLDEST REGULAR: I knew I could count on you.

"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker

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Alyrium Denryle
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby Alyrium Denryle » 2016-12-19 03:15am

A... wheeljob?
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby Zaune » 2016-12-19 03:24am

We're going to see this on the news. Or America's Most Wanted.
There are hardly any excesses of the most crazed psychopath that cannot easily be duplicated by a normal kindly family man who just comes in to work every day and has a job to do.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Small Gods)


Replace "ginger" with "n*gger," and suddenly it become a lot less funny, doesn't it?
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LaCroix
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby LaCroix » 2016-12-19 09:27am

Rule One: Never change the deal.
Rule Two: No names.
Rule Three: Never look in the package.
A minute's thought suggests that the very idea of this is stupid. A more detailed examination raises the possibility that it might be an answer to the question "how could the Germans win the war after the US gets involved?" - Captain Seafort, in a thread proposing a 1942 'D-Day' in Quiberon Bay

I do archery skeet. With a Trebuchet.

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Raw Shark
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby Raw Shark » 2016-12-19 01:12pm

Zaune wrote:We're going to see this on the news. Or America's Most Wanted.


You will not. I am, before anything else, a professional.

"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker

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Raw Shark
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby Raw Shark » 2016-12-19 06:37pm

Man, Crown Victorias are fun to drive. I've got a rocket in my pocket. Catch me if you can, motherfuckers! :D

"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker

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SCRawl
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby SCRawl » 2016-12-19 09:56pm

Why do I keep imagining this regarding the Shark's recent job as the wheel man?

73% of all statistics are made up, including this one.

I'm waiting as fast as I can.

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Raw Shark
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby Raw Shark » 2016-12-20 04:28am

SCRawl wrote:Why do I keep imagining this regarding the Shark's recent job as the wheel man?


Vics handle like shit in the snow, but they're not quite that bad. :lol:

"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker

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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby Khaat » 2016-12-20 10:34am

Hmm... I'm thinking vehicle repossession. Because that just seems like the kind of job a taxi-driver's oldest regular would be into: "Take me to this address, and if this car is there, stay out of the way. Oh, and don't pick the guy in his underwear up, especially if he says 'follow that car!'"
"Just because you're the captain doesn't mean you can order me to... oh, right. Fuck, it does." - Krep, Spacetrawler

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Raw Shark
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby Raw Shark » 2016-12-20 01:10pm

Khaat wrote:Hmm... I'm thinking vehicle repossession. Because that just seems like the kind of job a taxi-driver's oldest regular would be into: "Take me to this address, and if this car is there, stay out of the way. Oh, and don't pick the guy in his underwear up, especially if he says 'follow that car!'"


RAW SHARK: [shrugs; looks around]

"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker

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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby Zixinus » 2016-12-20 01:16pm

Did you ever get a call like that?
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Raw Shark
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby Raw Shark » 2016-12-20 06:25pm

Zixinus wrote:Did you ever get a call like that?


I've gotten all kinds of calls.

"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker

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LadyTevar
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby LadyTevar » 2016-12-22 02:57pm

Me, apologizing profusely to people because I'm the only one available to seat and to run register

Lovely couple of senior citizens: It's ok, dear. I'll tell the manager that he needs to get someone up here to help you.
Image

Librium Arcana, Where Gamers Play!
Nitram, slightly high on cough syrup: Do you know you're beautiful?
Me: Nope, that's why I have you around to tell me.
Nitram: You -are- beautiful. Anyone tries to tell you otherwise kill them.
"A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved, except in memory. LLAP" -- Leonard Nimoy, last Tweet

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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby Broomstick » 2016-12-28 05:10pm

Listen, asshole, just because some talking head on a TV news soundbite or some damn infomercial or whatever suggested haggling post-Christmas it doesn't mean you're going to get anywhere with it Yes, you have a right to ask. You do not have an entitlement to receive. Please do not whine, do not ask forty-eleven other people, and get the fuck out of my face.
A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved, except in memory. Leonard Nimoy.

Now I did a job. I got nothing but trouble since I did it, not to mention more than a few unkind words as regard to my character so let me make this abundantly clear. I do the job. And then I get paid.- Malcolm Reynolds, Captain of Serenity, which sums up my feelings regarding the lawsuit discussed here.

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aerius
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby aerius » 2017-01-03 01:51pm

Manager: Can I have a few words with you for a moment?
Me: Sure...
Manager: This is regarding the Christmas staff party, please do not make any lesbian jokes tonight, especially around Joe*
Me: No problem, I can do that. If you don't mind me asking, is he married to a lesbian or something?
Manager: Not exactly. His wife recently left him for a woman.
Me: Oh. Oh. Ouch.
Manager: Yeah.

*not his real name
Image
aerius: I'll vote for you if you sleep with me. :)
Lusankya: Deal!
Say, do you want it to be a threesome with your wife? Or a foursome with your wife and sister-in-law? I'm up for either. :P

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Raw Shark
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby Raw Shark » 2017-01-03 04:24pm

aerius wrote:Manager: Not exactly. His wife recently left him for a woman.
Me: Oh. Oh. Ouch.


Yeah, that happened to a friend of mine one time. Part of him died that day. I've never seen him with a woman (or a man or what-have-you, for that matter) ever since; he just works on cars all the time. Also a very reckless driver; he routinely does about 50-100mph over the limit and has lost his license so many times that they're probably never giving it back. Kid has a bit of a death wish. You think I'm bugfuck nuts behind the wheel? You should see this guy.

"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker

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LaCroix
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby LaCroix » 2017-01-16 12:21pm

*arrives at office after a long night with sick toddler*
*sits down at workstation*
It is by will alone I set my mind in motion.
*sips Red Bull*
It is by the juice of sapho that thoughts acquire speed, the lips acquire stains, the stains become a warning. It is by will alone I set my mind in motion.
A minute's thought suggests that the very idea of this is stupid. A more detailed examination raises the possibility that it might be an answer to the question "how could the Germans win the war after the US gets involved?" - Captain Seafort, in a thread proposing a 1942 'D-Day' in Quiberon Bay

I do archery skeet. With a Trebuchet.


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