MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

OT: anything goes!

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aerius
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by aerius » 2018-03-28 01:42pm

Co-worker: it says inflate to 8 bar, how much is that?
Me: 800 kilopascals
CW: No, psi, how much is that in psi?
Me: Canada is a metric country, we don't do retard units
CW: fuck you, just tell me what it is in psi!
Me: sorry man, we don't speak stupid around here
Image
aerius: I'll vote for you if you sleep with me. :)
Lusankya: Deal!
Say, do you want it to be a threesome with your wife? Or a foursome with your wife and sister-in-law? I'm up for either. :P

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U.P. Cinnabar
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by U.P. Cinnabar » 2018-03-28 02:58pm

Is there a gauge, or is your co-worker incapable of reading it?
"Beware the Beast, Man, for he is the Devil's pawn. Alone amongst God's primates, he kills for sport, for lust, for greed. Yea, he will murder his brother to possess his brother's land. Let him not breed in great numbers, for he will make a desert of his home and yours. Shun him, drive him back into his jungle lair, for he is the harbinger of Death.."
—29th Scroll, 6th Verse of Ape Law

"The Constitution's a piece of paper. A kick in the head is a jolt."
—Stanley "Ray" Kowalski
"Accuse the other side of that which you are guilty."
---NRA motto

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aerius
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by aerius » 2018-03-28 05:26pm

The gauge is in psi but the label is in bars. Yeah, I know, real helpful there. I'm old enough that I still use the Imperial system and can do the conversions, but we're a metric country damnit!
Image
aerius: I'll vote for you if you sleep with me. :)
Lusankya: Deal!
Say, do you want it to be a threesome with your wife? Or a foursome with your wife and sister-in-law? I'm up for either. :P

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Napoleon the Clown
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Napoleon the Clown » 2018-03-28 08:18pm

Is this dude not aware that Google can do the conversion for him?
I have kittens for sale! They will come with their first round of vaccines and paperwork indicating vaccine status. Located in Kandiyohi county in Minnesota, I am willing to transport a kitten as far as St Cloud, MN if you're sure you want one. Coming to look at them here is also an option. There are a variety of coat patterns. PM me for details if interested!

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U.P. Cinnabar
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by U.P. Cinnabar » 2018-03-28 08:21pm

aerius wrote:
2018-03-28 05:26pm
The gauge is in psi but the label is in bars. Yeah, I know, real helpful there. I'm old enough that I still use the Imperial system and can do the conversions, but we're a metric country damnit!
But why should you? That coworker's gonna have to do the job on his own, isn't he? Then he can Google the conversion on his own(with one of those smart phone thingies people can't even go to the shitter without), and not bother you.
"Beware the Beast, Man, for he is the Devil's pawn. Alone amongst God's primates, he kills for sport, for lust, for greed. Yea, he will murder his brother to possess his brother's land. Let him not breed in great numbers, for he will make a desert of his home and yours. Shun him, drive him back into his jungle lair, for he is the harbinger of Death.."
—29th Scroll, 6th Verse of Ape Law

"The Constitution's a piece of paper. A kick in the head is a jolt."
—Stanley "Ray" Kowalski
"Accuse the other side of that which you are guilty."
---NRA motto

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U.P. Cinnabar
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by U.P. Cinnabar » 2018-03-28 08:23pm

116.03 psi, on the remote chance he's both literate and lurking here.
"Beware the Beast, Man, for he is the Devil's pawn. Alone amongst God's primates, he kills for sport, for lust, for greed. Yea, he will murder his brother to possess his brother's land. Let him not breed in great numbers, for he will make a desert of his home and yours. Shun him, drive him back into his jungle lair, for he is the harbinger of Death.."
—29th Scroll, 6th Verse of Ape Law

"The Constitution's a piece of paper. A kick in the head is a jolt."
—Stanley "Ray" Kowalski
"Accuse the other side of that which you are guilty."
---NRA motto

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Lagmonster
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Lagmonster » 2018-03-29 01:45pm

Yelled down the hall: "YOU CAN'T STICK THAT IN A RABBIT, FOR FUCK'S SAKE!"

I refuse to seek context.

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InsaneTD
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by InsaneTD » 2018-03-30 02:57am

Probably for the best you don't...

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Raw Shark
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Raw Shark » 2018-04-18 06:01am

CO-WORKER: You're working too hard, man! Slow that shit down.

ME: I'm sorry, what?

CO-WORKER: We want to keep this contract for the rest of the week!

ME: Wow. I'm going to have to adjust my paradigm here.

"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker

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Raw Shark
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Raw Shark » 2018-05-03 12:45pm

LATEST BOSS: So let me be absolutely clear - We have a very strict policy against sexual harassment here. This is including but not limited to verbal comments about appearance or sexuality, as well as inappropriate visual contact and, it should go without saying, physical contact.

ME: Of course, sir. I will remain professional and respectful at all times.

[TIME PASSES]

THE ONLY HOT LADY IN THE PLANT: No, Shark, stick in the hole this way! Shove it in harder!

OTHER GUY: That's what she said!

[GENERAL LAUGHTER]

ME: Huh. Very strict indeed. [twigs to the culture at the new workplace] I am outraged at your suggestions, madam!

THE ONLY HOT LADY IN THE PLANT: [claps me on the shoulder; I am now one of the guys of various genders]

"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker

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Raw Shark
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Raw Shark » 2018-05-05 02:50pm

ME: So, you wanna maybe have dinner after this?

THE ONLY HOT LADY AT THE PLANT: I have a boyfriend.

ME: Of course you do. Question stands.

THE ONLY HOT LADY AT THE PLANT: ... You're confident.

ME: You like it.

THE ONLY HOT LADY AT THE PLANT: I do. But the answer is still no.

MEL: A Scout is loyal.

"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker

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U.P. Cinnabar
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by U.P. Cinnabar » 2018-05-05 06:34pm

And, eleven other things. Though you don't strike me as the reverent type.
"Beware the Beast, Man, for he is the Devil's pawn. Alone amongst God's primates, he kills for sport, for lust, for greed. Yea, he will murder his brother to possess his brother's land. Let him not breed in great numbers, for he will make a desert of his home and yours. Shun him, drive him back into his jungle lair, for he is the harbinger of Death.."
—29th Scroll, 6th Verse of Ape Law

"The Constitution's a piece of paper. A kick in the head is a jolt."
—Stanley "Ray" Kowalski
"Accuse the other side of that which you are guilty."
---NRA motto

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Raw Shark
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Raw Shark » 2018-05-07 10:38am

U.P. Cinnabar wrote:
2018-05-05 06:34pm
And, eleven other things. Though you don't strike me as the reverent type.
I do disobey Obedient and Reverent. Trustworthy, Loyal, Helpful, Friendly, Courteous, Kind, Cheerful, Thrifty, Brave, and Clean I've got you on. There are also unspoken parts that I will forever uphold. An Eagle is an Eagle until he dies.

"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker

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Raw Shark
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Raw Shark » 2018-05-11 08:31pm

WHAM

ON-SITE BOSS: What the Goddamned motherfucking son of a- Somebody call this puddle an ambulance!

ME: [MOANING] It's cool, guys... I think I can hack it...

[time passes]

OVERBOSS: So, Shark. Because of your workplace incident, I'm going to be required to test you for drugs and alcohol.

ME: Well, OB, I can save you some time doing paperwork and tell you that any drug test you give me will show positive for pot due to off-duty use, and since I'm in body-wide pain on my day off, I'm drunk right now.

OVERBOSS: Well, shit... thanks for your honesty, but this probably isn't going to-

ME: Does it help if I say that I consider the matter fully-settled between the guy who fucked up, Medicaid, and myself, and that I'm not filing for workman's comp?

OVERBOSS ...I think we can work something out...

"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker

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U.P. Cinnabar
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by U.P. Cinnabar » 2018-05-11 10:46pm

You said the magic words, Shark.
"Beware the Beast, Man, for he is the Devil's pawn. Alone amongst God's primates, he kills for sport, for lust, for greed. Yea, he will murder his brother to possess his brother's land. Let him not breed in great numbers, for he will make a desert of his home and yours. Shun him, drive him back into his jungle lair, for he is the harbinger of Death.."
—29th Scroll, 6th Verse of Ape Law

"The Constitution's a piece of paper. A kick in the head is a jolt."
—Stanley "Ray" Kowalski
"Accuse the other side of that which you are guilty."
---NRA motto

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Enigma
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Enigma » 2018-05-11 11:10pm

*Team Lead comes over to inspect our work*

TL: I'm here to check your parts.

*Covering myself with my hands and expressed a mock shock*

Me: How dare you try to inspect my parts!

TL: *laughs*
ASVS('97)/SDN('03)

"You, m'lady are alike that spring rose."
"How so?"
"Unfuckable."
SMBC

ASSCRAVATS!

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LaCroix
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by LaCroix » 2018-05-23 01:22pm

I realized (after realizing my welding gas line had a leak) that you can actually weld without innert gas.

But the weld turns out kind of just like me.
Ugly.
All over the place.
Barely hanging on.
A minute's thought suggests that the very idea of this is stupid. A more detailed examination raises the possibility that it might be an answer to the question "how could the Germans win the war after the US gets involved?" - Captain Seafort, in a thread proposing a 1942 'D-Day' in Quiberon Bay

I do archery skeet. With a Trebuchet.

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muse
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by muse » 2018-06-03 06:47pm

New co-worker: wow, what a day. So how was your day today?
Me: I'm going to go home and drown some kittens in the bathtub.
Newbie: Um...yeah...uh...I guess it's better than clubbing baby seals. How could anyone club a seal? They're so cute!
Me: $20 a pelt.
Newbie: Jesus, what is wrong with you?
ø¤ º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur.
(Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.)

I like Celine Dion myself. Her ballads alone....they make me go all teary-eyed and shit.
- Havok

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U.P. Cinnabar
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by U.P. Cinnabar » 2018-06-04 12:37am

First rule of mouse's office: Don't poke the muse.
"Beware the Beast, Man, for he is the Devil's pawn. Alone amongst God's primates, he kills for sport, for lust, for greed. Yea, he will murder his brother to possess his brother's land. Let him not breed in great numbers, for he will make a desert of his home and yours. Shun him, drive him back into his jungle lair, for he is the harbinger of Death.."
—29th Scroll, 6th Verse of Ape Law

"The Constitution's a piece of paper. A kick in the head is a jolt."
—Stanley "Ray" Kowalski
"Accuse the other side of that which you are guilty."
---NRA motto

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madd0ct0r
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by madd0ct0r » 2018-06-04 06:28pm

Say Maddoc, whats your actual job here now?


Polyfilla. When cracks appear they slap me on.
"Aid, trade, green technology and peace." - Hans Rosling.
"Welcome to SDN, where we can't see the forest because walking into trees repeatedly feels good, bro." - Mr Coffee

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LaCroix
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by LaCroix » 2018-06-13 10:21am

Overhearing a collegue having issues with an infinity loop.

Me*quickly makes a moebius loop&walks over*: Here, I made you a 3D model of your problem.

Coworker: *stares at loop* F**k you... :D
A minute's thought suggests that the very idea of this is stupid. A more detailed examination raises the possibility that it might be an answer to the question "how could the Germans win the war after the US gets involved?" - Captain Seafort, in a thread proposing a 1942 'D-Day' in Quiberon Bay

I do archery skeet. With a Trebuchet.

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