I am a fictional charcter now [Tom Kratman]

[Thanas]

The following thread is sponsored by Lonestar, who PM'd me the link.

Some of you may be familiar with Tom Kratman aka He-who-wanks-to-Nazis (but can't speak German). His highlights include shameless Nazi apologia, which, surprise, surprise, didn't go over that well on this board. (Example 1, Example 2 and Example 3)

Apparently, dickless wonder Tom "THE NAZIS COULD JUST HAVE SWAM ACROSS THE CHANNEL"* Kratman took issue with Stuart Slade (who actually did real-life strategy work and is a former poster here) and me criticizing him.

Now, let us review the choices Tom "I don't know how German names work" Kratman had.
a) Do nothing, after all just two guys on an internet board
b) Sign up to said internet board to defend your work
c) Actually turn your critics into characters in one of your works

Guess which one he chose?
Spoiler

The morning sun was at about forty-five degrees by the time Khalid roused himself. His sleep had been lousy, continuously interrupted by two gay guys, one apparently named “Stuart” or maybe “Slade”—it was hard to be sure, what with the slurred speech—and the other named or nicknamed “Thanas,” buggering each other in a nearby tent until all hours of the night and early morning. Then, too, it was possible there were three or four rather than two. The only line he could be sure of was, “Oh, my, that’s a big one.

- The Rods and the Axe

Boy, Stuart and I must really have riled him up. I guess our criticism hit too close for home.**




___________________
*he actually did say this.
**Gotta love the homophobia too. "I'll make them gay. THAT'LL ANNOY THEM, HERP-A-DERP". Can we all say projection?

[Lonestar]

Yeah, I was definitely like "waaaaat" when I was told that Slade was in Kratman's book. Even more so when the person said "and some SDN mod" and produced the quote.

[mr friendly guy]

Can't be as bad as when Michael Crichton turned one of his critics into a child molesting paedophile.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/ ... alist.html

[Zaune]

Kratman's got form for this. He actually showed up in a thread on Spacebattles where one of his works was being reviewed, where he tried and failed to defend a particularly egregious bit of bad research about the NBC capabilities of an Abrahms tank... to someone who used to drive them while serving in the US Marines and has seen actual combat, unlike Kratman. Said individual has appeared in several of Kratman's books to get killed off in some ridiculously unpleasant fashion... and that was before she came out as transsexual, at which point he turned it up to eleven.

She finds this hilarious.

[Lonestar]

Can't be as bad as when Michael Crichton turned one of his critics into a child molesting paedophile.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/ ... alist.html

I mean "Stuart" and "Thanas" have some mad stamina.

[Thanas]

Also, big dicks.

Kratman didn't think that one through, probably didn't realize that if you don't find gay people offensive then the whole thing becomes kinda flattering.

[Mr Bean]

Also, big dicks.

Kratman didn't think that one through, probably didn't realize that if you don't find gay people offensive then the whole thing becomes kinda flattering.

I assume because being two gay men of average size was not as insulting as being one gay man of above average size and one assumes one man of legendary penis size.


I'm not sure how all I'm saying is, congrats Thanas, Tom Kratman thinks your... endowment is prodigious.

[Lonestar]

Kratman's got form for this. He actually showed up in a thread on Spacebattles where one of his works was being reviewed, where he tried and failed to defend a particularly egregious bit of bad research about the NBC capabilities of an Abrahms tank... to someone who used to drive them while serving in the US Marines and has seen actual combat, unlike Kratman. Said individual has appeared in several of Kratman's books to get killed off in some ridiculously unpleasant fashion... and that was before she came out as transsexual, at which point he turned it up to eleven.

She finds this hilarious.

Yeah, the guy who told me about Slade and Thanas mentioned that too. Dude is a complete baby.

[Zaune]

Also, big dicks.

Kratman didn't think that one through, probably didn't realize that if you don't find gay people offensive then the whole thing becomes kinda flattering.

When does he ever think his written works through?

[General Zod]

He should be congratulated on being progressive enough to feature homosexual characters in his fiction when most media ignores them completely.

[The Romulan Republic]

Its not progressive if its for the purposes of gay bashing or if its a stereotypical depiction.

Edit: I'd take nothing over active hostility.

[General Zod]

Whoosh.

[salm]

So is there a name for giving an internet user name a cameo appearance or did this Kratman dude invent a whole new literary sub mechanism?

Whoosh.

QFT

[mr friendly guy]

I am sure its been done in the good old days of ST vs SW fan fics.

Stravo had Darkstar guess star twice in his fic, once as a Starfleet cadet who was proven so wrong when the Empire whopped the UFP's forces. I am sure Wong also guessed starred in that fic. Heck I used that mechanism in my own fic, but in the vs debates scene we tend to confined it to other debaters being on on a particular side getting annihilated by the opposing side who they think shouldn't win. Like how I had a SB.com member who thought daleks couldn't get up stairs get chased by a dalek doing just that.

That being said, no one I know of could sink Michael Crichton at it.

[Alyrium Denryle]

Its not progressive if its for the purposes of gay bashing or if its a stereotypical depiction.

Edit: I'd take nothing over active hostility.

That part does not bother me. What annoys me is that he is a sniveling coward who could not even confront the reality of his own (botched) character assassination, and wrote it off screen.

He wanted to be like "Behold, my enemies are degenerate queers", then got squeamish about actually showing the degenerate queers, and ended up saying "Behold, Thanas, a man with such sex appeal he can get potentially multiple partners in bed simultaneously, with unlimited stamina and a huge penis."

It is almost as if he wants Thanas to fuck him, but he is too self-loathing to admit it, so he lives vicariously through Stuart, but cannot even bring himself to write out his kinky fantasies in detail for us to enjoy.

I hereby propose a contest for the best Thanas/Stuart erotic fanfic. Just to send to this asshole.

[Metahive]

So, to sum it up:

[Kratman]"Well, UR GAY!" *runs away giggling*[/Kratman]

What I like best about Kratman is all the level-headedness, class and maturity he demonstrates every step of the way.

[LaCroix]

I hereby propose a contest for the best Thanas/Stuart erotic fanfic.

I believe that this was a mistake we all are going to pay for. Most of all by having to read them in order to judge them.

Also, I thought it was well known that Thanas was always the one who spoke softly, but carried a mighty stick...

[Ritterin Sophia]

Now, let us review the choices Tom "I don't know how German names work" Kratman had.
a) Do nothing, after all just two guys on an internet board
b) Sign up to said internet board to defend your work
c) Actually turn your critics into characters in one of your works

Guess which one he chose?

To be fair the last time he joined a board to defend himself it didn't go well. Link

[K. A. Pital]

Tom who? Is that the guy who wrote about dead SS men rising to protect Earth from aliens, and cultural green marxists (sorry for borrowing Breivik-speech) were the bad guys?

[Darksider]

See I know people like to lump Kratman and Ringo in together, but to me, this is what separates the two. Kratman's fragile ego can't handle the slightest criticism, wheras Ringo seems much more jovial about it.

[Steve]

As I recall, when some poster on Livejournal put up a famous critique of "Ghost" that spawned the meme "OH JOHN RINGO NO!", Ringo himself replied with approval and his own jokes about the story, including his belief that most of the story is just the near-death hallucinations of the protagonist, with the real ending being his frozen body being found in the landing gear well of the plane he'd stowed away on.

I would hope so, because I read "Ghost". The first segment was at least amusing and entertaining in its over-the-top action crazyness. The second segment started amusing but then went into that prolonged hardcore BDSM bit with the two co-ed girls that was so uncomfortably misogynist-sounding (to me at least) that trying to read it was like running razorblades over my eyeballs. And the third segment was... also extremely fucking uncomfortable in several places and then just silly.

Thankfully he went into the Kildar books with the Mike Jenkins character, which where crazy and wanky, but at least entertaining in their crazy wankery.

[Thanas]

Tom who? Is that the guy who wrote about dead SS men rising to protect Earth from aliens, and cultural green marxists (sorry for borrowing Breivik-speech) were the bad guys?

Yes. It also featured such gems like "everyboy in Germany/elsewhere forgot to fight (because they are leftist pussies) so instead of reanimating/rejuvenating the millions of Wehrmacht soldiers who might not all have been genocidal assholes, we turn to the one group whose express purpose was genocide". Heck, he did not even make the effort of raising the elite units of the Heer (Panzer-Lehr, Grossdeutschland, Fallschirmjäger etc.). Nope, gotta have the SS.

This got absurd to the point that eventually the IDF joined the SS, units who trained several decades to blow up bridges suddenly run away (because they are leftist pussies).

[Bob the Gunslinger]

I hereby propose a contest for the best Thanas/Stuart erotic fanfic. Just to send to this asshole.

"Balls," said Lt. Mike Wong.

"Yes, they are," said Stuart 'First Class Privates' Slade.

A whisper of breath teased every possible bump to rise out of Wong's taut flesh. "And I'm a clever girl," Sniper Thanas surprised him from behind.

[Alyrium Denryle]

I apologize. Both for the german (which I am not so confident in), and...oh god.

I hereby propose a contest for the best Thanas/Stuart erotic fanfic. Just to send to this asshole.

"Balls," said Lt. Mike Wong.

"Yes, they are," said Stuart 'First Class Privates' Slade.

A whisper of breath teased every possible bump to rise out of Wong's taut flesh. "And I'm a clever girl," Sniper Thanas surprised him from behind.

Private Slade thought he came to the right place. He had some leave and decided to spend it in Hamburg, when Thanas called him.

"Ich muss mit ihnen sprechen" he said, his accent thick enough to trouble the most discerning of size-queens

"Where?" he had replied

"Die sündigste Meile" came the reply

So he came. To Hamburg's red-light district. Pornographers and prostitutes hocked their 'wares' among discotheque and art theaters

The problem was, Stuart Slade had no idea where Thanas would be among the friday night throng. He jolted when he felt a gentle caress along the small of his back, afraid someone was trying to pick pocket him. But it was just Thanas, dressed in rubber boots, a sequined halter top, sparkly spandex leggings, and covered head to toe in glitter.


"Hallo meine Liebe"

"hi sweety. What is it you needed to talk about?"

"Nun, unser Verhältnis war gut sein, und der Sex ausgezeichnet. Aber, habe ich einige....andere Bedürgnisse"

When he said this, he glanced over to a dude wearing nothing but vinyl and sucking on a clove cigarette between propositioning random passers by to come into his nightclub

"Hallo gutten Herren, wollen Sie innen kommen? Wir haben eine bizzar Biber aus Bulgarien in einem Hannibal Lecter-Simulation!"

Stuart looked at the man. Looked at Thanas.

"I am down."

[SCRawl]

I apologize. Both for the german (which I am not so confident in), and...oh god.

I hereby propose a contest for the best Thanas/Stuart erotic fanfic. Just to send to this asshole.

"Balls," said Lt. Mike Wong.

"Yes, they are," said Stuart 'First Class Privates' Slade.

A whisper of breath teased every possible bump to rise out of Wong's taut flesh. "And I'm a clever girl," Sniper Thanas surprised him from behind.

Private Slade thought he came to the right place. He had some leave and decided to spend it in Hamburg, when Thanas called him.

"Ich muss mit ihnen sprechen" he said, his accent thick enough to trouble the most discerning of size-queens

Why would Thanas' accent be "thick" when speaking German? Does he speak German with some accent? I mean, I get the double-entendre -- might as well introduce another language here -- but if you want to talk about his accent, shouldn't he be speaking some other language with it?