Ending a relationship

[ZGundam]

So I'm in a bit of a bind and I do not know how to finish it.

I have been in a relationship since August. The girl was nice when I first met her, and we got along great. Then 4 months in she ran into issue where her roommate's home had a heater issue and it needed fixing. After about 2 weeks in close to sub zero temps, I offered her my place. She moved in and she was working to get a job here so things were fine....until a month ago.

I then begin to find out that she was on meds but had to have them re filled. But before then she started drinking, saying she was using it till her meds were refilled. Well, I had to put up with her drinking almost every night, being crazy, and sleeping all the time. She had found a job by then, but kept calling in because she drank the night before. Needless to say, she lost that job because she didn't go to work. excuse was she did not want to work nights or weekends.

Well her meds are filled and she is still drinking. This whole week I have come home to her sleeping and staying asleep till morning. I've been ignoring it till now but I cannot take it anymore. My big problem is she has no family here, they are in Oklahoma, one friend in Denver, and the old place she used to live in is 1 1/2 hours away.

I have 2 options:

1) Rent a truck and take her shit back to her old place (being a stupidly nice guy)

2) Kick her out and put her things to the curb and lock her out. Call the police if I have to.


So, who has been through this and has advice?

[Jub]

Is option 3:

Talking to her and trying to work out a way to end things smoothly while still getting her out of your place not on the table?

[ZGundam]

This is someone who cries like a river because she misses 2 cats she used to live with. right now she can't stay sober enough to talk without slurring her voice.

I can try again tonight, but it may not end well.

[Iroscato]

Considering an alchohol addiction...rarely ends well for the addict, is taking an active approach to helping her get off it an option? We could be talking about a human being's life/health here. You said you 'ignore' it. Have you tried anything more proactive?

[ZGundam]

I have tried the usual. I have told her no. It never ends well for me.

She got paid for what work she did and uses that.

She at one time walked in sub zero temps just so she could get wine without proper clothing.

She tells me she needs to go to the 711 for coffee. She has never drank coffee....ever.

I could throw away her alcohol when she is asleep, I guess.

[Lagmonster]

Nobody with any good sense will give you advice, because a situation that works on one person might not work on another.

Nobody knows what kind of a relationship you even have other than "she lives with me because it's convenient for her" or how committed you are/were. And "It never ends well for me" is vague and bizarre. Does that mean she cries and whines and self-harms? Abuses you emotionally? Threatens you with a knife? All of these responses call for a different approach. Help groups and/or support services for alcoholics and those living with them aren't rare. You must be able to find a local support service of some sort or another you can get free advice from.

Or you can ask an international group of anonymous nerds, who you've only said 159 sentences to in your life, half of whom aren't in relationships at all much less shitty ones.

[TheFeniX]

When I was 17, I ended up dating a 23-year-old college girl that (as I would find out) had severe mental health problems leading to a number of issues I will not discuss. I realized how bad it was when she began complaining about how her psychiatrist was saying that dating a high school kid was not the best thing for her to be doing.

Things got progressively..... worse and I broke it off clean because she needed help some dumbass Senior in high school could not provide. Seriously, I had neither the experience nor the maturity to deal with that and to this day I hope I made the right decision by letting her go.

At the least, to protect yourself: you need to be documenting the substance abuse. And you'd be much better off contacting some kind of local substance abuse center/counselor than looking for advice here. They are trained (hopefully) professionals. We are nothing but faceless assholes on the Internet. I would however be more than willing to offer help with any computer-related issues you may be having at the moment.

[ZGundam]

I'm taking her to an alcohol addiction tonight after work.

Thank you for your brutally honest opinions.

[Terralthra]

You can't make someone quit drinking, and you have no responsibility to follow her to rock bottom.

[The Romulan Republic]

Their is something to be said for trying to help other people, though their is obviously no obligation to harm/endanger oneself doing so.

As for advice for this situation, I wish I could help but this isn't something I know much about.

[General Zod]

Have you tried getting in touch with her relatives?

[madd0ct0r]

You can't make someone quit drinking, and you have no responsibility to follow her to rock bottom.

as in all these situations. your first obligation is to yourself. you will not hlep her by wearing yourself down.

[Raw Shark]

I have tried the usual. I have told her no. It never ends well for me.

Seconding that we're going to need some more detail on this part before anybody can offer real advice. Crying, waving butcher knife, self-harming, what? Also, why was running out of meds an issue? Did she binge on them instead of sticking to the prescribed schedule? And what are the meds for, exactly?

[Arthur_Tuxedo]

You can't make someone quit drinking, and you have no responsibility to follow her to rock bottom.

Indeed, especially someone you've only known for a few months and mostly under false pretense (make no mistake, her meds running out was not when the drinking really started). Encourage her to get help with her addiction, but get her the hell out of your living space. Providing her with comfortable shelter so she can indulge her addiction is categorically not going to help, and unless you're a medical professional you are not at all equipped to help an alcoholic who would rather use you and your apartment as a supporting lamp post in lieu of confronting her demons.

This is coming from someone who's struggled through a severe drinking problem, btw.

[Raw Shark]

I'm going to go ahead and take ZGundam's lack of an update on this situation to indicate that his girlfriend stabbed him to death with the big kitchen knife when he tried to drag her to an alcohol addiction (I feel like we're missing a word here; specialist?), and is currently sliding around his apartment in her socks singing, "I've Got No Strings," while doing shots of Rumple Minze out of his skull and wearing his face as a hat. Who's with me?

[Purple]

I'm going to go ahead and take ZGundam's lack of an update on this situation to indicate that his girlfriend stabbed him to death with the big kitchen knife when he tried to drag her to an alcohol addiction (I feel like we're missing a word here; specialist?), and is currently sliding around his apartment in her socks singing, "I've Got No Strings," while doing shots of Rumple Minze out of his skull and wearing his face as a hat. Who's with me?

I like the color of your thoughts.