Reprehensible Movies

[FSTargetDrone]

This can be rather wide-ranging and subjective, but what are some movies (mainstream or otherwise) that you find particularly unseemly or completely without any sort of inherent artistic value? I don't mean the kinds of stupid comedies or whatnot. I mean stuff that's really offensive garbage and without any sort of merit.

I'm watching MST3K's take on the very shitty Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders. It is essentially 2 unrelated movies poorly edited together. But the real problem is that it also seems to be marketed to young children because it features a young boy being told stories by his good-natured grandfather. In the movie,
Spoiler

A young boy visits Merlin's titular shop and he witnesses a local reporter berating Merlin for being a fraud. Later, the reporter, given a book of spells by Merlin as proof of his (Merlin's) abilities eventually succumbs to its power. The reporter turns the family cat into a evil familiar and then using a previously-learned "dragon breath" spell (seemingly harmless at first) he burns the cat to death. He then assaults his wife to draw some of her blood for another spell.

In the second part of the movie, a demonic wind-up monkey toy causes the death of a different young boy's pet fish and then starts a fire in a garage which smothers the family dog. The monkey also nearly causes the boy to be hit by a car but is stopped when the father intervenes. The boy's father is eventually subjected to an earthquake which nearly kills him.

Granted, this movie was probably seen by almost no one when originally released (though by a lot more people who watched MST3K, however those people are probably adults and not young kids), but it looks like the sort of movie an unsuspecting parents might have picked up as a cheap rental for the kids. It's definitely not the sort of thing I'd show to any young child. I'm sure there are "worse" movies of all kinds but this is what came to mind as I'm watching MST3K. I'm just trying to imagine what the marketers of this piece of shit were thinking when it was put together. Well, beyond making a profit, of course.

[Patrick Degan]

"Please, Grandpa Borgnine, doesn't anyone live happily ever after?"

"No, Timmy. All are damned. Even you."

[Dalton]

Hostel and Hostel 2. Wastes of film both.

[Enigma]

House of a Thousand Corpses.

[FSTargetDrone]

"Please, Grandpa Borgnine, doesn't anyone live happily ever after?"

"No, Timmy. All are damned. Even you."

You watched it too, huh? The riffs are the only redeeming thing about it.

[JointStrikeFighter]

Avatar

[eion]

Another Gay Sequel: Gays Gone Wild!

Another Gay Movie was a funny, timely satire of both gay & teen movie cliches. The sequel's story is rambling, the least interesting of the original cast is the only one to stay, and it's not even a parody anymore.

[phred]

I'm not sure this qualifies, but, something about 8mm made me somehow feel worse as a human being for having sat through it.

I'll second the Hostel movies as well.

[eion]

I'm not sure this qualifies, but, something about 8mm made me somehow feel worse as a human being for having sat through it.

I'll second the Hostel movies as well.

I wouldn't say that 8MM falls into the same "torture porn" category as movies like Hostel. It did have a story at least. 8mm 2 on the other hand...

[TC Pilot]

I want to say "Birth of a Nation" or "Triumph of the Will," but even they had at least some value to them (i.e. not their message).

[Elfdart]

The Klansman.



The trailer is but a snowflake on the tip of the iceberg.

I'm going to summarize the film in the hopes that maybe I'll save SDN members from the hell of watching it:

At the beginning, Linda Evans (yes, THAT Linda Evans) gets raped by a black man. When she goes to church the following Sunday, an old granny starts screaming "I smell nigger on this woman! I swear I can smell nigger on her!". White thugs led by a local cop, gang-rape Lola Falana (yes, THAT Lola Falana) in revenge. At this point, O.J. Simpson (yes, THAT O.J. Simpson) goes on a killing spree and hides in a Ford Bronco. All the while, Lee Marvin and Richard Burton (yes, THAT Lee Marvin and THAT Richard Burton) make utter fools of themselves while talking a lot of pious horseshit. You can tell that both men are drunk off their asses in this movie, which is understandable since I'd need a quart of gin between takes to do such a godawful movie. The guys who stand around beating off while waiting their turn in bukkake videos come away with more dignity than anyone who had anything to do with this vile, racist piece of shit.

And that includes me for watching it.

[Patrick Degan]

I HAVE seen this movie.

[Elfdart]

I feel for you.

I am not the easily offended type, even when it comes to racial humor like Don Rickles, Paul Mooney or Lisa Lampanelli. But this movie is vile.

[eion]

I propose a new standard for rating the Reprehensible…ness of movies: The Burton/Marvin/Walker index. To wit, how many shots of Johnnie Walker would a leading actor like Richard Burton or Lee Marvin have to down per day of filming to complete their scenes for the movie.

I think the Klansmen would easily rank a solid 15-20.

[Elfdart]

I read on IMDB that Burton was so drunk by the end of the shoot that he had to check into a hospital.

[eion]

We'll rate Klasman a 15R then, R for Rehab/Hospitalization during or immediately after filming.

[Sheridan]

Well, my first choice is Mazes and Monsters (plot synopsis here). Not only was it really bad, it fed into the 80s fundie-mania bullshit about Dungeons & Dragons. I'm still angry with Tom Hanks over this one.

My second choice is Zombie Chronicles (what bare information exists on the web is here). It was just so horrible that I couldn't sit through it, and I've got a pretty high threshold when it comes to indy b-rate zombie films. This was softcore porn-level acting and scripting, without all of the nudity. Seriously, with my restaurant coworkers and a camcorder, I could film this fucking thing!

[Big Orange]

I really dislike Natural Born Killers (1994). It had a snappy script and strong ensemble cast, making a few good satirical points, but it was essentially an immoral splatter fest that went round in circles and the movie wanted you to like the psycho protagonists.

[Darth Yan]

Beverly Hills Cop. It seemed to be saying "It's a ok to break the rules" Funny as hell but the message left a bad taste in my mouth.

[Darth Wong]

There are four categories of film which are so common as to be categories of cliché, and which piss me off to no end:

1. "Wholesome small-town folk": the cold-hearted selfish big-city person goes to a small town, whereupon he meets an endless parade of charming, friendly, warm, caring (and coincidentally all white) individuals who wear down his cynical resistance and eventually make him ... oh! ... rediscover his heart! Oh my! It's so touching! Please, find me the fucking vomit bag NOW. I've actually lived in small towns, and I know what they're really like. There are too many examples to list, so I'll just throw out one: "Doc Hollywood" starring Michael J Fox. OK, I'll add a second, since this is stardestroyer.net: "Star Trek Insurrection".
2. "The Icarus Syndrome": this is the classic anti-science cliche movie where the scientist tampers with forces beyond his comprehension and is punished for his hubris in a modern version of a Greek tragedy. Proof positive that Bronze Age mentalities survive and thrive today. Again, too many examples to list (the sci-fi horror genre is almost entirely based on this cliché), but the most high-profile example would be "Jurassic Park". Malcolm's diatribe against scientists still stands as one of the most offensively idiotic speeches by a character in the history of major motion pictures.
3. Of course, it goes without saying that I find movies with an overt religious message to be reprehensible. That doesn't mean I necessarily find a story reprehensible for religious content; just an obvious religious message. For example, say what you will about "Ghost Rider", but it didn't really preach, per se. It's not like the movies where someone learns the importance of having faith and throwing logic to the winds.
4. Anything made by the Wayans brothers. OK, I get it: you can make light of "nigger" stereotypes. Ha ha. But you're still perpetuating them in the process.

And now for some individual nominations (obviously, not including incredibly obscure films):

• "Gods and Generals". Wow, I had no idea that the South was so fucking morally superior in the Civil War.
• "Thelma and Louise". Despite the fact that I'm a Ridley Scott fan, this film is a paean to idiocy. Yes, I understand that you're pissed off at your douchebag husband, but if a movie were made about a pair of guys who acted like that, people would have zero sympathy for them.
• "Cannonball Run". The movie is almost entirely based on the premise that drinking and driving is hilarious. Sorry, but I don't find drunk driving to be funny.
• "You Only Live Twice". Yes, it's one of the hallowed James Bond movies. It does have some redeeming qualities; Sean Connery adds a point to any movie just by being in it, and the SPECTRE launch base in the volcano is the penultimate classic James Bond super-villain base. Having said that, the racial bullshit in this movie is simply intolerable, and when they bring out the ninjas ... well, it's time to head to the kitchen to make a meal and hope that the movie has improved by the time you get back.
• "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers". Seriously, what the fuck. If you want a girl, you should kidnap her and hold her captive until she learns to love you? And the film is marketed as a "family film" for kids? Goddamn.
• "Atonement". I've written at length about this horrendous abortion of a film. This one gets special marks for having been so highly praised by critics, despite being a goddamned atrocity against filmmaking. The main character is a fucking sociopath, her victims suffer and never find any kind of relief or happiness, and she never gets her comeuppance at all.

I'm sure there are plenty more, but those are all the ones I can think of right now.

[General Zod]

Pretty much anything with Adam Sandler in it.

[Zixinus]

"Atonement". I've written at length about this horrendous abortion of a film. This one gets special marks for having been so highly praised by critics, despite being a goddamned atrocity against filmmaking. The main character is a fucking sociopath, her victims suffer and never find any kind of relief or happiness, and she never gets her comeuppance at all.

Is that the one where the main character ruins the life and relationship of her sister/friend and her boyfriend/fiancee? But its OK, because the main character writes a book about it?

[Darth Wong]

Pretty much anything with Adam Sandler in it.

That's a good addition but a bit over-broad. Some of his films, like "Happy Gilmour" and "Big Daddy", try to make heroes out of complete douchebags, without ever really making them see what was so wrong with their behaviour. "School of Rock" with Jack Black is very similar in that way. I can't stand it because the guy is such a fucking asshole, and nothing he does later in the film redeems him.

However, Sandler does have other films which don't follow that mould. "The Wedding Singer" and "50 First Dates" both include a character who seems like a basically decent guy, rather than celebrating extreme selfishness as some of his other films do. There's also "Bedtime Stories", which is a kind of a lukewarm family film but which I certainly wouldn't call "reprehensible" in a moral sense.

[General Zod]

Pretty much anything with Adam Sandler in it.

That's a good addition but a bit over-broad. Some of his films, like "Happy Gilmour" and "Big Daddy", try to make heroes out of complete douchebags, without ever really making them see what was so wrong with their behaviour. "School of Rock" with Jack Black is very similar in that way. I can't stand it because the guy is such a fucking asshole, and nothing he does later in the film redeems him.

However, Sandler does have other films which don't follow that mould. "The Wedding Singer" and "50 First Dates" both include a character who seems like a basically decent guy, rather than celebrating extreme selfishness as some of his other films do. There's also "Bedtime Stories", which is a kind of a lukewarm family film but which I certainly wouldn't call "reprehensible" in a moral sense.

I haven't generally bothered to watch most of his films because I can't stand him. The few that I've seen bits and pieces of pretty much turned me off to wanting to see anything else with him in it.

[Darth Wong]

"Atonement". I've written at length about this horrendous abortion of a film. This one gets special marks for having been so highly praised by critics, despite being a goddamned atrocity against filmmaking. The main character is a fucking sociopath, her victims suffer and never find any kind of relief or happiness, and she never gets her comeuppance at all.

Is that the one where the main character ruins the life and relationship of her sister/friend and her boyfriend/fiancee? But its OK, because the main character writes a book about it?

Yeah, she actually frames the guy for pedophile rape by identifying him as an assailant even though she knew all along that it was somebody else. She did it because she was jealous that he was in love with somebody else. Not only did she send a guy to prison for a crime he didn't commit, but she knowingly let the real pedophile rapist go free. And she doesn't even seem to feel any guilt over it. In her mind, she's atoned for it by writing a novel about the whole sordid situation, decades after the others have died (both died young and miserable). And of course, she's a highly successful writer, so her life has been just peachy.