Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

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The Yosemite Bear
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby The Yosemite Bear » 2012-08-23 08:41pm

Me *holding a box full of box cutters* can I offer you a box cutter to breakdown that box?
numerous linecooks and bosse today: Whats up?
Me: I got tired of spending over an hour a day breaking down all the cardboard boxes that everyone leaves me to do for them.
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The scariest folk song lyrics are "My Boy Grew up to be just like me" from cats in the cradle by Harry Chapin

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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby Temjin » 2012-08-30 10:56am

Two co-workers and I were leaving the building to check on something outside. A drunk/high non-client sees us, and starts shouting that we were the four horsemen of the Apocolypse. He's specifically refering to us as he continues shouting. We mostly ignored him except for this bit of conversation between ourselves.

Me: Wow, I've been called a lot of things around here, but that's the first time I've been called a harbinger of the Apocolypse.
Co-worker A: Isn't there only three of us? Where's the fourth? And which one of us is which?
Co-worker B: Well... *pats his gut* I doubt any of is Famine...
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby Terralthra » 2012-08-30 01:16pm

In the GTA bullpen:

Me: How should I reward students who posted extra comments on iLearn?
Other GTA: How about a handy?

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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby Kanastrous » 2012-08-30 04:44pm

So I'm trying to get a refinance together on a couple of properties and need latest paystubs etc for the accountant and loan broker.

Me: (hands paystub to P.A.) - You can scan this for me, right? Yeah, please scan it and when you're done laughing, e-mail me a copy.

Thirty seconds later I walk past the copier/scanner room and sure enough, hear the sound of laughter...
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby Enigma » 2012-08-30 11:16pm

What? They get paid better than you?
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby Kanastrous » 2012-08-31 12:34am

No. At least, if they do it means I -really- screwed up my deal, this time.
I find myself endlessly fascinated by your career - Stark, in a fit of Nerd-Validation, November 3, 2011

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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby Zwinmar » 2012-08-31 11:23am

I am a clerk at a gas station/convenience store until I get done with college, so a couple:

1.)

Customer: Let me get a pack of Marlboro Reds
Me: ID please.

Customer: I left it at home, you see me in here everyday.

Me: Sorry, I have to ask for ID if you look younger than 30.

Customer: But you just sold me some yesterday.

Me: Sorry, but my job comes before your smokes.

Customer: That is the most real reason I have ever heard.

--------------
Training a new person:

Me: I need you to clean that case <pointing over to the one indicated> for some reason it collects bugs and we have to make sure there are no dead bugs on it.

They go over and clean, I follow behind watching as they just clean off the plexiglass front.

Me: Your forgot to get the bugs <pointing out two dead ones in plain sight>

They clean again, missing other dead bugs just as obvious.

Earlier....

Me: I will clean the doors (windex the glass of all the finger prints), you get the floors.

They, roll their eyes and and huph.

This is their last night of training, in two days they are on their own... I shudder at the result.

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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby The Yosemite Bear » 2012-08-31 12:26pm

talking with my local housing guy whose moving into my room once I'm out yesterday
ok I only have a week before the switchover of my phone and internet service
how did you swing that?, they told me that I'm going to have to get a new number and disconnect/reconnect fees. <$200>
I haven't missed a payment in two years and I agreed to the charges. <$70>
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby Dr Roberts » 2012-08-31 02:05pm

Guy drops off computer off at shop to find out what's wrong with it. I have NEVER seen so much Hentai.
Have Computer/Virus/Malware etc. problems or questions feel free to PM me.

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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby PeZook » 2012-08-31 05:35pm

Dr Roberts wrote:Guy drops off computer off at shop to find out what's wrong with it. I have NEVER seen so much Hentai.


Heh...you know, at my place, we could probably get every single one of our clients arrested if we bothered to report all the pirated software we find on their HDDs :D
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby Jub » 2012-08-31 05:43pm

I'm a tech support rep for my local ISP and I had one of those calls yesterday at work. The little old lady who doesn't speak English and has somehow managed to get her TV on the wrong input and on the wrong channel. The good news is that using the remote that came with her cable box we got her back on the right input, the bad news is that the remote was a simpler model meant for old people and couldn't change the channel on the TV. She wasn't able to find the remote for her TV, and she claimed that her TV had now buttons on it to manually change the channel, a claim I doubt because that model of TV does have buttons. As I tried to walk her through finding these buttons she started to grow more and more confused, eventually ending up claiming that her TV was the remote and claiming it had no buttons... I ended up sending her off to the TV company for support because otherwise we're spending around $100 to send out a truck to change the channel on her TV.

I hate those calls a) because I like to solve issues for people, and b) because it makes me sad to see people that enfeebled with age.

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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby Borgholio » 2012-08-31 06:40pm

Kanastrous wrote:So I'm designing a bunch of technical crapola to festoon a navy ship set for this movie we're making. And the Assistant Art Director walks by my desk - Hey, Karl, what are you doing? Are you doing Japanese destroyer stuff?

Me: Yeah. I think I'm turning Japanese. I really think so.

Assistant Art Director: Uh...I'll just get away from your desk, then...


Just read this...movie wouldn't be Battleship, would it?
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby Kanastrous » 2012-08-31 07:18pm

I don't like to connect particular posts to particular projects. But, draw your own conclusions.
I find myself endlessly fascinated by your career - Stark, in a fit of Nerd-Validation, November 3, 2011

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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby Dr Roberts » 2012-08-31 07:28pm

PeZook wrote:
Dr Roberts wrote:Guy drops off computer off at shop to find out what's wrong with it. I have NEVER seen so much Hentai.


Heh...you know, at my place, we could probably get every single one of our clients arrested if we bothered to report all the pirated software we find on their HDDs :D

Haha, same.


Another guy brought in a laptop saying it stopped working when his son used it. I spoke to the son to see if I could narrow it down and it was his failed attempt at writing a virus.
Have Computer/Virus/Malware etc. problems or questions feel free to PM me.

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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby Kanastrous » 2012-08-31 07:45pm

Or successful attempt, depending upon how you frame it...
I find myself endlessly fascinated by your career - Stark, in a fit of Nerd-Validation, November 3, 2011

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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby atg » 2012-09-03 02:30am

Team Leader via IM: "... because there are 7 punic holidays in that period."
Me: "Punic Holidays? Does that mean we're gonna have Hannibal riding through the office on an elephant?!"
Team Leader: "What is it with your imagination?"
Marcus Aurelius: ...the Swedish S-tank; the exception is made mostly because the Swedes insisted really hard that it is a tank rather than a tank destroyer or assault gun
Ilya Muromets: And now I have this image of a massive, stern-looking Swede staring down a bunch of military nerds. "It's a tank." "Uh, yes Sir. Please don't hurt us."

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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby The Yosemite Bear » 2012-09-03 06:43am

hannibal claus comes in on his elephants and brings presents, and loot and pillage....
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby Agent Fisher » 2012-09-06 03:43am

So, I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but I now work as an armed security guard, patrolling a number of different apartment complexes, HOAs, business parks, even a few PBIDs (Property Business Improvement District, basically an area of the city where the businesses have banded together to improve the quality of the area, in these cases by hiring a security company to patrol the area and ensure no one is breaking the law or the rules of the area, such as trespassing, loitering, or committing crimes. Now, we don't handle anything on sidewalks or the actual streets, but the parking lots, store fronts, stores and the rear areas are all under our 'jurisdiction' for lack of better term). This leads to an incredible number of interesting conversations and situations, both hilarious and scary as hell. Some of these apartment complexes are so ghetto and crime ridden, I'll use an anecdotal example, that we've responded five units deep to a shots fired call, get there, finding shell casings all over the parking lot. PD rolls in, asks if anyone is hit, and when the answer is no, they just roll out again. Of course, that night they were dealing with a high speed pursuit and various other issues.

But this past weekend has been really fun for conversations with drunks. On thursday night, I was doing five and half hours at a single property, trying to make sure nothing got too crazy. I'm locking up the laundry rooms and I hear yelling and glass breaking. Well, I call it on the radio so dispatch knows I am into something and that they should status check me every few minutes. I walk over, and a guy is yelling at a female and I see a broken window on the second floor apartment. I separate them, get them calmed down (somewhat). Guy (was intoxicated) was angry at the female cause he mistook a statement she made about being stressed out and that she might lose the baby she is two months pregnant with as her saying she was gonna starve his kid out. Anyway, he had thrown his cell phone at her window, breaking the window and getting his phone stuck in there. While talking to him, he demanded to use my phone, and when I told him no, he accused me of violating his civil rights.

Me: How do you figure that, sir?
BMA: Man, you're an officer of the law, you gotta give me a phone call.
Me: Ok, few things, 1. Not an officer of the law, just security
BMA: Man, you carry a gun and badge, means you an officer of the law
Me: No it doesn't, but moving on, 2. You're not under arrest and 3. Even if you were, you aren't at booking and they aren't required to give you a call anyway.

Finally, got got tired of talking to me and went back inside.

The second funny thing, was sunday night. I'm at a nice apartment complex in suburbia, doing a call for service about a noise complaint. I get to the unit, I hear loud music and talking, it's about midnight. I knock on the door, goes dead quiet. I see someone look through the peephole and hear whispering. I knock again, announcing myself as '*company name* Security'. The door bursts open and this guy who's about 6', maybe 6'2", 280LBS, comes bursting out and shuts the door behind him. Shirtless. With super red eyes. Stinking of booze.

WMA: What's going on? Everything ok? What's wrong? (Spoken really fast)
Me: :wtf: Everything's ok. Is everything ok in there?
WMA: Oh yeah, we're fine man.
Me: O....K. There's been a noise complaint. You been drinking tonight?
WMA: Fuck yeah! It's labor day weekend man!
Me: *nodding* Ok, well, look, I need you guys to keep it down.
At this point, his more sober girlfriend came out, and I could see in the apartment, bunch of people, some multicolored lights going and a person with one of those fuzzy top hats with lights on it. Looked like a mini rave or something.
WFA: Come on babe, come back inside. *to me* We'll be quiet.
Me: Ok.
WMA: So we're cool, right?
I nod and start to turn to walk back down the stairs and the guy tries to give me a hug. I'm like "Whoa, we're not that cool man, I don't hug, have a nice night."


Man, drunk people can be hilarious when they aren't trying to fight you.

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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby The Yosemite Bear » 2012-09-17 09:29pm

well we've had some good ones over the last two weeks...

Yesterday:
me: I burned myself BBQing
Chef: They weren't kidding you really are a real line cook

Me: Hey any openings at night?, I've got people that are geting laid off due to the Hanta mice.
Chef: well the new hire keeps missing work because he's got rotten teeth because he's never gone to the dentist due to never having had basic health insurance, so yeah should be soon.

*cackles evil*
Chef: what his time
Me: I was just thinking about photoshopping a killer deer mouse with a chainsaw surrouneded by a field of human bones
Chef: you need to send it to the local ABC and FOX affiliates after the hatchet job they did on us during the last month/

during the 9/11 union meeting
So Colin how's the Hanta invesigation going?
I don't know my Internet has been blocked for a week now.
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby madd0ct0r » 2012-09-18 11:35am

"can you hurry the american office up on this? the deadline is 5.30 SEAsian time"

"Well, they won't be awake by then, but I'll see what I can do..."
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby Kanastrous » 2012-10-02 05:37pm

So we're doing a set, the interior of an OBGYN office. And the network asks that we somehow or other cover up and hide nipples, vaginas, etc on the medical posters etc. decorating the space. And the Production Designer walks into our office while the Art Director and the Graphic Designer and I are in the middle of the vagina conversation.

Production Designer: What the hell did I just walk into?

Art Director: It's the network guys. They want us to cover up all the OBGYN nipples and vaginas.

Production Designer: (splutters)

Me: My art has been commended as being strongly vaginal, which bothers some men. The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Vagina.
Last edited by Kanastrous on 2012-10-05 01:08pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby Kanastrous » 2012-10-04 01:48pm

Production Designer stalking the halls with a handheld color meter, renaming crew personnel based upon the correspondence of their skin tones to the contents of the Benjamin Moore paint catalog. My new name is apparently "Pancake Syrup."

As in, "Hey, I need those staging plans for stage four, Pancake Syrup!"
I find myself endlessly fascinated by your career - Stark, in a fit of Nerd-Validation, November 3, 2011

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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby TronPaul » 2012-10-05 12:22pm

Manager: "So [the other team] wrote a test that says, 'Hey, we're in August. What's the income for September?'"
Team member: "Man, that would make finance so much easier."
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby Themightytom » 2012-10-05 01:31pm

I went to a bar and grill that participated in a job fair just to get some feedback and was waiting around for the manager, the bar tendress pulls out a phone

"Wow you guys have a phone? I always just call Ali's cell."
"Yeah it hardly ever rings, when it does, it's usually some person with a really stupid question"
"Like crank calls? Seymour Butts? Phil McCracken, Amanda Huginkiss?"
"No, like one girl called and asked if we would help her lie to her boyfriend about working here. Apparently she needed to fake employment or he'd kick her out."
We both pause and stare at a younger guy who had come in the middle waiting patiently. Startled he clears his throat and says
"Uh can I have, I'll just have a tap water." bartendress goes to get him one i notice he is standing there awkwardly with a folder under his arm.
"Wow man I hope you weren't just about to ask for a job application, that'd be kind of funny."
"No I already put my application in here I was hoping for an interview."
:wtf:

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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Postby Phantasee » 2012-10-06 12:45pm

Themightytom wrote:I went to a bar and grill that participated in a job fair just to get some feedback and was waiting around for the manager, the bar tendress pulls out a phone

"Wow you guys have a phone? I always just call Ali's cell."
"Yeah it hardly ever rings, when it does, it's usually some person with a really stupid question"
"Like crank calls? Seymour Butts? Phil McCracken, Amanda Huginkiss?"
"No, like one girl called and asked if we would help her lie to her boyfriend about working here. Apparently she needed to fake employment or he'd kick her out."
We both pause and stare at a younger guy who had come in the middle waiting patiently. Startled he clears his throat and says
"Uh can I have, I'll just have a tap water." bartendress goes to get him one i notice he is standing there awkwardly with a folder under his arm.
"Wow man I hope you weren't just about to ask for a job application, that'd be kind of funny."
"No I already put my application in here I was hoping for an interview."
:wtf:

Sometimes showing up and asking for an interview is what it takes to get noticed.
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