So, I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but I now work as an armed security guard, patrolling a number of different apartment complexes, HOAs, business parks, even a few PBIDs (Property Business Improvement District, basically an area of the city where the businesses have banded together to improve the quality of the area, in these cases by hiring a security company to patrol the area and ensure no one is breaking the law or the rules of the area, such as trespassing, loitering, or committing crimes. Now, we don't handle anything on sidewalks or the actual streets, but the parking lots, store fronts, stores and the rear areas are all under our 'jurisdiction' for lack of better term). This leads to an incredible number of interesting conversations and situations, both hilarious and scary as hell. Some of these apartment complexes are so ghetto and crime ridden, I'll use an anecdotal example, that we've responded five units deep to a shots fired call, get there, finding shell casings all over the parking lot. PD rolls in, asks if anyone is hit, and when the answer is no, they just roll out again. Of course, that night they were dealing with a high speed pursuit and various other issues.
But this past weekend has been really fun for conversations with drunks. On thursday night, I was doing five and half hours at a single property, trying to make sure nothing got too crazy. I'm locking up the laundry rooms and I hear yelling and glass breaking. Well, I call it on the radio so dispatch knows I am into something and that they should status check me every few minutes. I walk over, and a guy is yelling at a female and I see a broken window on the second floor apartment. I separate them, get them calmed down (somewhat). Guy (was intoxicated) was angry at the female cause he mistook a statement she made about being stressed out and that she might lose the baby she is two months pregnant with as her saying she was gonna starve his kid out. Anyway, he had thrown his cell phone at her window, breaking the window and getting his phone stuck in there. While talking to him, he demanded to use my phone, and when I told him no, he accused me of violating his civil rights.
Me: How do you figure that, sir?
BMA: Man, you're an officer of the law, you gotta give me a phone call.
Me: Ok, few things, 1. Not an officer of the law, just security
BMA: Man, you carry a gun and badge, means you an officer of the law
Me: No it doesn't, but moving on, 2. You're not under arrest and 3. Even if you were, you aren't at booking and they aren't required to give you a call anyway.
Finally, got got tired of talking to me and went back inside.
The second funny thing, was sunday night. I'm at a nice apartment complex in suburbia, doing a call for service about a noise complaint. I get to the unit, I hear loud music and talking, it's about midnight. I knock on the door, goes dead quiet. I see someone look through the peephole and hear whispering. I knock again, announcing myself as '*company name* Security'. The door bursts open and this guy who's about 6', maybe 6'2", 280LBS, comes bursting out and shuts the door behind him. Shirtless. With super red eyes. Stinking of booze.
WMA: What's going on? Everything ok? What's wrong? (Spoken really fast)
Everything's ok. Is everything ok in there?
WMA: Oh yeah, we're fine man.
Me: O....K. There's been a noise complaint. You been drinking tonight?
WMA: Fuck yeah! It's labor day weekend man!
Me: *nodding* Ok, well, look, I need you guys to keep it down.
At this point, his more sober girlfriend came out, and I could see in the apartment, bunch of people, some multicolored lights going and a person with one of those fuzzy top hats with lights on it. Looked like a mini rave or something.
WFA: Come on babe, come back inside. *to me* We'll be quiet.
WMA: So we're cool, right?
I nod and start to turn to walk back down the stairs and the guy tries to give me a hug. I'm like "Whoa, we're not that cool man, I don't hug, have a nice night."
Man, drunk people can be hilarious when they aren't trying to fight you.