Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

[weemadando]

Me: *picks up a new claim to do and see's that it's missing something - usually the Medical Report. Sends a letter explaining the situation w/ a new copy of that form to the Customer to have it completed*

3-4 days later I get this phone call:
Customer: "I don't see why I need to lodge that form again."
Me: "Because the form wasn't completed by a Health Professional. In fact it wasn't completed at all. It was blank."
Cus: "So?"
Me: "In order to test your eligibility we need to have that form completed by a Health Professional."
Cus: "Why - I've already filled out the forms."
Me: "No, you filled out *some* of the forms. We need you to have that form completed by a Health Professional or else your claim will be automatically rejected without being assessed."
Cus: [insert defeatist, abusive comment here] *hangs up*.

2 weeks later:
Me: *receives new form, still can't use it. Send out ANOTHER letter with ANOTHER form*

3-4 days after that I get this phone call:
Cus: "What do you mean you can't accept that form?"
Me: "Because we cannot confirm that it was completed by a Health Professional." [read: it looks like someone else (usually the Cus) filled it out/it's not signed/it doesn't have the Doctor's details - or even better, it's STILL fucking blank]
Cus: "What are you trying to say?"
Me: "I'm simply saying that we cannot accept the form that you've lodged and that we need to have that Medical Report completed by a Health Professional."
Cus: [insert defeatist, abusive comment here] *hangs up*.
Me: *rejects claim on the grounds that they have not supplied the required information within the allotted period*

2 weeks later:
Me: *gets appeal paperwork handed to me - Cus disagrees with decision to reject claim and wishes to have me reassess my original decision. I look at the record, look at the paper work and go: "Yes. I did reject this. And I stand by that decision because we still haven't been given a Medical Report completed by a Health Professional." I go through the many hoops involved in formalising this and send a letter to the Cus explaining the reasons for my decision.*

2 weeks later:
Me: *gets a request for Authorised Review Officer appeal - Cus still disagrees with my decision. So I have to gather all the lodged paperwork, request the paper-file from the storage facility, and when it all comes through bundle it up w/ cover letters, copies of all correspondence/system notes/whatever and send it off the AROs.*

2 weeks later:
Me: *gets response back from ARO saying: "Cus has lodged form now. Why didn't you ask them for it in the first place, they said that you never asked for it. Re-do it all and pay them." Attached to this response is usually a checklist detailing a whole bunch of minor quibbles about how I didn't print out every letter ever sent to this person for the ARO to look at (they have system access, but don't ever try and make that argument with them) and shit like that. This then usually gets brought up by my Team Leader and the Senior Practitioner both of whom have oversight over ARO appeals.*

3-4 days later:
Me: *gets all the paperwork back from the ARO, code everything and it turns out that the Cus still isn't eligible for payment for some other reason. Reject the claim on those grounds... Get appeal again... You get the idea...

----

Dumb-arse CSA (Customer Service Adviser as we are known): "Why hasn't the claim been done yet?"
Me: "Have you looked at our MapStat page" (MapStat is the internal yellow pages kind of things with details about each office/site and staff lists and usually notes on what is happening.
D-A CSA: [hesitantly] "Yes."
Me: "Then you would have seen the request to not call us or send Callbacks or ActDocs through unless it is a hardship or otherwise urgent case."
D-A CSA: "Where does it say that?"
Me: "On the front page. On the office notes page. On the header..."
D-A CSA: "Well, the Customer is very angry, can you speak to them?"
Me: "No, that isn't my job. Are they currently on payments?"
D-A CSA: "Yes."
Me: "Well, it's not hardship and thus not urgent."
D-A CSA: "But the KPI is -"
Me: "Look at MapStat - the KPIs are gone, we're still stuck in mid-November. We'll get to it when we get to it." *hangs up*

---

Repeat the above for a whole working day. Usually with our responses to the latter getting more and more exasperated and angry and people still keep fucking calling us and interrupting us from doing the fucking work that they're complaining about us not doing.

[Kanastrous]

A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.

[Spyder]

C: "This is a fuckin' joke, a fuckin' joke!"
R: "Yeah well, blame it on the fatcats at city hall."
And the day there were only two of us and there was a guy outside taking photos of little girls... Jesus that was one stress-filled day.
The day I asked a customer if they were all right and they answered "No! Fuck off! I'm not stealing!" was awesome.

Fuck I hated selling games. Worked retail before getting into IT.

Kid: One copy of GTA 3 please.

Me: This is an R18 game. I can't sell it to you.

Kid: What? That's bullshit! My parents let me play and watch stuff worse then this all the time!

Me: That doesn't matter, I can be fined if I sell this to you.

Kid: I won't tell anyone!

Me: *shakes head*

Kid: Come on man, I biked here all the way from Taradale.

Me: When you're old enough to buy the game you can borrow Dad's car.

Kid: *starts crying and leaves* (which was an odd site given that he looked like he was in his early teens.)

[The Yosemite Bear]

Reminds me of the time a teen came up to my counter at 7-11.

puts a 6 pack of crappy beer on the counter and asks for a pack of smokes.
Me: *puts 6 pack behind counter* No!
Teen: but I have an ID.
Me: looking down at the teens ID, also putting it behind the counter. "get out of here before the cops show up for their free coffee in about half an hour."

[Fleet Admiral JD]

I'm reminded of my worst horror story as a techie at my high school--of everyone in the building, including staff and students and faculty, I knew more about the equipment in the booth than anyone. Kinda freaky to think about what's happening now that I'm gone.

Anyway, one weekend I got hired in to do lights for a Christian Rock Concert. (I know, I know, but it paid pretty well.) I couldn't find a single person who was trained with me to help out, so I finally asked my father to come in and lend a hand.

When we got there, the windows to the booth were already open, which was the first bad sign of the night--I was the one who was supposed to unlock and open that room. I walked in and a middle-aged guy and his two sons were in there.

ME: Umm. . . excuse me, can I help you?

FUNDY DAD: Oh, hey there. We needed to get some lights up and running.

ME: How did you get in here?

FD: Oh, we jumped through the windows.

Now, keep in mind, to get through the windows you have to go over a $10,000 sound board and a very expensive light board, as well as whatever other equipment happens to be on the desk. I was pretty ticked off.

ME: Well, I'm here now, so you guys can head out.

FD: Oh, no, my sons know how to do this stuff.

ME: I'm the one working this event--I need you out of here.

FD: Well, I'll stay back here and help you out. And they can stay too, right?

Being a sophomore in high school, I acquiesced. A few minutes later the guy with the DVDs got there, but it wasn't in time for us to be able to test them in the player.

Then the fundie crowds started showing up in force--what a scary lot indeed. By now I'd gotten over my anger at the fuckers who jumped over my booth, and the concert started. I'd throw in effects now and again for the bands and the moron who was in the booth with me would go nuts every time.

FD: (commenting on one of the effects) YEAH YEAH! SHARK TEETH! YEAH!

ME: (rolls eyes)

Eventually the time came to run their first movie. My father went around backstage with a clear-com headset to bring the screen down while I put the movie in the projector and played it. Once everything was set, I tried the DVD player. Of course, the scratched-to-hell DVD didn't work. The moron running the thing asked "why isn't it working?" I really wanted to tell him that he was a fucktard who didn't give me time to test anything. Finally he said, "Okay, well, I'll get the backup one and we can play it after the next band."

We brought the screen back up and the next band went on, same story with the utter dumbshit behind me. After this, we brought the screen down again and tried the "Back-up", which was even more scratched to hell. Finally, we gave up on the movie and I got on clear-com to tell my dad to bring the screen up. Then I hear,

ME: Okay, dad, you can bring that sucker up.

DAD: Hey, the band here is wondering if they can use the screen as a curtain--the front curtain is too far back for them to use, they say.

BACKGROUND: Yeah, this is the headliner band, we don't want to be seen setting up.

DAD: What do you think?

ME: (sees the corner of an amp pressing up against the hugely expensive projection screen.) Bring that thing up NOW!

Dad was off-air for a second, then I saw the screen start to rise. The rest of the concert made me more and more angry as the assholes tried to make me do things that I could not or would not do. After the concert, I was talking to dad.

ME: What happened back there?

DAD: Well, they said they were the headliner band and they didn't want to be seen setting up. I told them that you did not want that screen down and that I was doing what you said. Then they asked if you were 'just a student.' I told them, yeah, he's 'just' a student, but he knows more about the stuff in this room than anyone, and his ass is on the line if anything happens to it. So piss off.

I love my dad.

Anyway, the following Monday brought the usual debrief from our AV lady, who I related the whole incident to. Suffice it to say that those people will not be allowed in our auditorium for a very, very long time.

[Kanastrous]

I used to work on this show involving a big slick technical bridge set. My responsibilities included designing/honchoing the bridge control consoles at which the actors sat, doing whatever operatin'-the-hardware kind of stuff any given director might have in mind, for them to do.

The consoles were festooned with all sorts of different lights, buttons, switches, etc, mostly from an aerospace salvage yard in San Fernando. Each particular type of light, etc was made to work with one of three different voltages: 6V (most of them), 12V or 24V depending upon its original application and salvage source.

So SFX wires up each console with three independent harnesses: one 6V, one 12V, one 24V. And coming out the base of each console are three separate feed lines, one for each voltage. And the SFX guys - against my specific instructions - used the same standard 3-prong grounded connector (but wired without ground) for each line. And when I called them on it they assured me that hey, no one but SFX will ever touch the feeds, no worries.

Around 23:00 on the night before photography is to commence on the bridge I'm over by the helm seats applying graphics and one of our Executive Producers comes walking in, giving the old dog-and-pony to a couple of suits. I ignore them but a few minutes later, from across the set hear Oh, these are our control panels, they're so cool, here, let me show you what they look like all lit up, and I turn around just in time to see him pick up the 6V feed and plug it into the 24V line - which had been left hot because SFX had been testing for bad bulbs.

Ever have one of those Nightmare on Elm Street climbing-the-stairs moments wherein you try to leap to your feet and sprint but instead somehow your feet are stuck in horrible globs of demon super-glue and the world drops into slow motion and no matter how loud you scream, it just comes out in a sort of thin whistling squeal?

There follows a flash of brilliant blue-white light visible through every seam in the console, a sort of loud FOZZ sound and the smell of ozone as about one hundred 6V miniature bulbs blow simultaneously, wires arc and the circuit shorts.

Since the 08:30 call obviously wasn't going to be pushed, we had to roust a bunch of seriously pissed SFX guys to somehow find about one hundred 6V bulbs of the correct type and disassemble/reassemble the console to get everything replaced and running, by call time.

And yes, I did say "I fucking told you so."

But I said it from a safe distance.

[Kanastrous]

Art Department side meeting, during main production meeting -

Them: Okay, so we're down underground in the big concrete vault, and we want a big thick welded steel fire door, with a big vent at the bottom.

Me: Uh...the whole point of a steel fire door is that it's sealed and won't permit flames or gases to pass.

Them: So?

Me: So breaching the steel fire door with a vent defeats the entire purpose of... (notice that the producers are just staring at me) ...right, that's gonna be a big thick welded steel fire door, with a vent in it.

[Uraniun235]

The consoles were festooned with all sorts of different lights, buttons, switches, etc, mostly from an aerospace salvage yard in San Fernando. Each particular type of light, etc was made to work with one of three different voltages: 6V (most of them), 12V or 24V depending upon its original application and salvage source.

Heh, I know which series you're talking about... you've told this story before. How much detail went into the consoles? Were the buttons mostly labeled or was it just a whole bunch of generic buttons?

Also was there ever a reference document for the consoles... something like this? (link, link, link)

Ever have one of those Nightmare on Elm Street climbing-the-stairs moments wherein you try to leap to your feet and sprint but instead somehow your feet are stuck in horrible globs of demon super-glue and the world drops into slow motion and no matter how loud you scream, it just comes out in a sort of thin whistling squeal?

YES, ugh, I hate those. Usually I wake up because I keep trying to scream so hard that I start to actually vocalize.

[Kanastrous]

How much detail went into the consoles? Were the buttons mostly labeled or was it just a whole bunch of generic buttons?

For the most part the buttons, switches, etc themselves were either generic or retained their original text (from whatever aircraft etc application they'd been used for, before we got them). Some things were labeled in blocks, or in gangs. The consoles as built weren't nearly as densely-packed with hardware as I'd originally spec'd because the materials used to make the console faces weren't suitable - too weak and therefore couldn't be punched as full of holes as I'd originally wanted.

Also was there ever a reference document for the consoles... something like this? (link, link, link)

No, the only documents covering the consoles that I remember were the construction drawings from which they were built.

[JointStrikeFighter]

Seaquest DSV right?

[Kanastrous]

I've decided to try and be non-specific regarding particular shows. Draw your own conclusions.

[LadyTevar]

In the 'awww, Cute Designer Name' category at work:
Nevaeh Perphekt (lastname withheld)

Nevaeh is "Heaven" backwards.
Perphekt ... well, in English pheonics, it's "Perfect"

*sigh* These people with their pretentious designer names for their newborns.

[Enigma]

I've decided to try and be non-specific regarding particular shows. Draw your own conclusions.

So you worked on Avatar and G-Force?

EDIT: You're kidding me. Dance Flick? I guess a paycheck is a paycheck.

[Duckie]

In the 'awww, Cute Designer Name' category at work:
Nevaeh Perphekt (lastname withheld)

Nevaeh is "Heaven" backwards.
Perphekt ... well, in English pheonics, it's "Perfect"

*sigh* These people with their pretentious designer names for their newborns.

I know there's rules against things like Satan and 189353 (or there should be), but are there any rules for 'Your name is stupid'? There should be.

[thejester]

Customer: "I'd like a cappuccino but with no froth."
Me: "...so more a flat white type arrangement?"
Customer: "Yeah. But like a cappuccino."

Customer: "This drink is cold!"
Me: "Ok it's obviously not cold, it's just not as hot as you'd like."
Customer: "What?"
Me (wimping out): "I'll remake it sir - skinny or regular milk?"

[The Yosemite Bear]

there was an article on a predicted rise in desire names now that Obama is president....

mind you Sasha isn't a desirner naem, it's like russian origin.

[Kanastrous]

In 1991 I worked for what I'm pretty sure was the largest arms retailer and wholesaler in Southern California. Spent some time on the sales floor, and some time upstairs.

One day, in walks a couple who were just poster models for meth life. They've got a rifle they'd like to sell; it's some flavor of Kalashnikov with wood furniture, it was expensive, what would we give him for it. I explained that we didn't buy outright, but that my boss could decide whether or not to take it on consignment. He hands it over (bolt closed thank-yuh-very-much), I clear it and head upstairs. I absently play with the selector lever, push it up, *click*. Push it down, *clack*, keep pushing, *clack* again.

*That's* not right.

Yes, it's a three-position selector, and on close inspection the receiver is stamped in Arabic. And it's got some kind of crest with a bird. When I put this in front of the boss, he says this is a trophy rifle, somebody picked this up in Iraq and smuggled it home. Call the BATF number, I'll go talk to them.

So LAPD and BATF got involved and the meth life poster people allowed as that maybe the guy's brother had served in Desert Storm and had possibly smuggled it home and that perhaps they had had some kind of fight and somehow he had theoretically decided to sell it for what he could get, as payback.

And maybe later some of us possibly borrowed the AK from Doc's cage and perhaps took it out to an unincorporated BLM arroyo and theoretically ran a few magazines through it, just to see. Or not. I forget.

[LadyTevar]

The sad part about finding a newborn baby's certificate with the name "Theoden King" on it? I'm the only one who got the reference.

[The Yosemite Bear]

Wait they didn't see the movies?, I mean back when it was just us kids who read Tolkien, but now?

[Enigma]

About five years ago I was to deliver a bottle of wine to a woman(at the time I didn't know it was for a woman, I only had the address of the destination.). So I picked it up from the liquor store and went to the address. I knocked and a shirtless guy answered the door. Normally I didn't find it weird to see a shirtless guy answering the door but this guy was paranoid. He took the bottle and signed for it all the while looking around as if he expected to be watched or that someone was after him. Nevertheless, after he signed for the bottle, he quickly went back in the house and I went back to my car. I called dispatch and told him that I delivered the bottle and gave him the name. He told me to wait and after about a couple of minutes my dispatcher called back and asked me if I delivered the bottle to the right address. I told him yes. He replied that the client that called for the delivery said that only occupant that was supposed at the house was his girlfriend. I reassured him that I did deliver it to the right address and after had to suppress my laughter and at the same time felt sorry for the guy finding out his girlfriend was cheating on him.

[Kanastrous]

My first sort of actual job in production was a full-time internship that I worked instead of attending my last semester of high school. There were four or five of us from different high schools working as general PAs, runners, field assistants, engineering/editorial/administrative gophers, etc.

One day we're shooting three-camera studio interviews and I'm one of three interns assigned to run camera. We're all on headsets so that we can get direction from the director, one of the junior full-time staff who's up in the control room.

Now, the second interviewee is a woman of generous proportions wearing an emerald green pants suit, bottle green scarf, green jewelry and green eyeshadow. And the director, who is given to acerbic comedy, starts muttering over the headsets about primary colors, and the Jolly Green Giant, and the Incredible Hulk, and Kermit the Frog and Jabba the Hutt on St. Patrick's Day, and while I was able to suppress laughter for a few minutes I finally lost it in one sharp barking guffaw and had to just lock down my camera, take off my headset and walk out of the studio.

The Station Manager found me helplessly sobbing and wheezing in the hallway, unable to speak, and when he put together what had happened he just about flayed the director alive - being junior wet-behind-the-ears know-nothing apparently protected me from his wrath...

[PainRack]

I think I just got supremely pissed off today.....................

Long story short, the pharmacist sends my medicine record back with a note saying that IV meropenem covers the ranges that oral Flagyl does, no indication for CD toxins, requests that the medicine be struck off. Being a weekend, I called the House Officer on call and updated him briefly on the situation and requested that he take the medicine off.
(paraphrase)"Well, I'm not on the team that's covering the patient, so, I can't make that decision."
"Ok, in that case, can you order not to serve Flagyl?"
"Serve it anyway, let the team review, and its not urgent......."

Well dipshit, I know its not fucking urgent. But as a doctor, don't you have the fucking BALLS to just accept what the pharmacist recommends and listen to said professional? Oh, oops. I forgot. House Officers are just shitheads who aren't full fledged doctors yet, and thus are either
1. bullied into doing things that should be done.
2. Run away at any possible signs of trouble.

It was just the fucking tone in which he expressed that it wasn't his responsibility and duty, let the team review it tomorrow and etc........ It was also obvious that he wasn't actually listening to what I said, and had just absorbed the message "I have a task for you......... ok, should I do this? No. Ok. Pass the buck."

What's the worse possible thing that could happen from you listening to said professional? Tomorrow, another doctor inks up the stupid order and we get to serve it again. Worse comes to worse, the team discuss the medication with the pharmacist, we come up with another altnerative. I don't even need a fucking decision to be made, just "ok, follow the pharmacist advice about not serving, we let the team decide tomorrow."

[tim31]

Oh man Karl, keep them coming, you're killing me with these

My partner Emily, and almost everyone who worked front counter at McDonalds in Australia in the late 90s/early 21C had to deal frequently with this one:

BOGAN(i.e poor redneck/hick): Can I have a thrity cent (ice cream) cone?

McSERVER: Uh... Sorry, they're actually forty cents now.

BOGAN (looks at silver in palm): Fuck.

And off they would go.

[The Yosemite Bear]

well I was reminded of this one today:

Spring 1999, lines out the door, and guests complaining about the wait, while we are making pies as fast as we can.

Manager: It took you over an hour to make this guest's order, this is unaccepatable, I don't want your excuses, I had to refund his money, listen to me!
Me tearing a fresh ticket off the printer, showing him the time posted on the ticket, "We'll work faster can you get IT to update the Registers, they we're supposed to reset for daylight savings over a week ago."
<it didn't take us over an hour, the register tag was an hour off>

[Kanastrous]

The very first night of the very first show I worked on the Universal Studios lot in Studio City, I got in my car and rolled for the Barham gate, meaning my route went through roadway shared with the tourist tram system. This made it possible to drive about rear-wheels-deep into the parting-waters pond, which for everybody who hasn't taken the tram ride is a small version of the escaping-Hebrews trick at the Red Sea in Exodus, for the benefit of the tourist tram which then drives through the parted waters.

Guard: The waters don't part for cars.

Me: I'm an Israelite.

Guard: I'll tell them to adjust the sensors.