I'd say that both are potentially non-borderline malicious gossip, or at least would be considered so in my workplace.

Not saying that they wouldn't get said, but it wouldn't be considered "polite conversation" either.

The latter seems far less likely to come up in a context-appropriate situation. Not that it doesn't happen (which is why I said it's rare, not non-existent), but I'd be careful with that outside of an enclosed conversation between one or two coworkers I know very well.

Can a statement be gossip if the person the statement is about is present and knows that it´s a funny statement?

Mostly the ones about sexual harassment, and the ones about throwing power tools at one another.

---

I find myself endlessly fascinated by your career - Stark, in a fit of Nerd-Validation, November 3, 2011

You know what else behaves this way? Assuming that the person will change if only X happens? Yeah. Abuse victims. American liberals are suffering from a case of electoral Stockholm syndrome. - Aly, re: Obama enthusiasts expecting a change-of-direction, after the 2012 election

Do you guys keep score?

Is there any workplace with portable power tools that actually handles them according to the books? Or hand tools in general?

Goofy please

Pinto did we establish that you work in HR, because you talk like that

The familiarity in my workplace with shock and appal you. But then, no one out here is actually sleeping around. That's for F&B to do.

---

lol, opsec doesn't apply to fanfiction. -Aaron

PRFYNAFBTFC
CAPTAIN OF MFS SAMMY HAGAR

I know very few people working in any professional context who hear "it" and think the topic of conversation is a person.

Overheard some coworkers while I was washing dishes...

Coworker one: Who keeps mixing up the coffee mugs.
Coworker two: I'll tell you, it's that goddamn Sasquatch. Keeps taking the coffee outta the lobby too.

For some reason, I just couldn't stop laughing.

Background: I work in the Inventory/Listing section of a small online retailer. There is one other person in my office who deals with Customer Service and Item returns. I'll be honest I don't like the guy as a person but if he need me to check something over I will do.

Co-worker: I'm not having that!!

Me: What?

Him: This customer. Sent a return back to us claiming it was faulty, I couldn't find anything wrong with it and they are now calling me a liar.

Me: Was there something wrong with it?

Him: They claimed there was a tear in the fabric above one of the heels. Hang on i'll get the exact pair for you.

Sure enough after spending 2 minutes in the warehouse he storms back in with a pair of boots.

Him: Can you see anything wrong?

Me: Pointing to a tear in the fabric above one of the heels. You mean this tear in the fabric?

Cue mumbled excuses, items removed from inventory and apologetic e-mails to a customer.

Not a specific conversation per se but I've been offered a particularly juicy feature project to start Monday, meaning that I have to find and hire a replacement for myself on the present show, if I want to leave. About 1/3 of the people sending me resumes competing for my position, are people who have hired -me- for one thing or another, in the past...

---

I find myself endlessly fascinated by your career - Stark, in a fit of Nerd-Validation, November 3, 2011

You know what else behaves this way? Assuming that the person will change if only X happens? Yeah. Abuse victims. American liberals are suffering from a case of electoral Stockholm syndrome. - Aly, re: Obama enthusiasts expecting a change-of-direction, after the 2012 election

Coworker calling up IT helpdesk to register that the Outlook server that hosts everyone in our building is down...

"No, I can't send you a screenshot. I would normally use Outlook for that."

discussing the human traffiking prop and sex workers
S: no one with any personal value would work in porn
Me: well Nna Hartley is a Nurse so you get a two-fer hiring her.
S: Well she can't be any good she's a porn star
Me: don't see how that correlates, Sasha Grey and Sandra from the Nerdist are sociologists, Asia Carerra has a higher IQ than me, and has a PhD, Traci Lords and Amber Lynn still do B movies, and are active in their communities. Julie Strain is Married to the Ninja Turtles guy and runs all kinds of small businesses.
S: How do you so much about porn stars
Me: I'm a GUY

---

The scariest folk song lyrics are "My Boy Grew up to be just like me" from cats in the cradle by Harry Chapin

So I work for a Minister now. Yesterday he had me go find a pick up to borrow, then help someone pick up a couch for him.

I show up at the legislature building, park the truck in his spot, harass building maintenance for a shovel to clear the snow with, which the management denies having because grounds keeping handles that work, so I have to look for someone who actually does work and of course they have one, so I'm standing there in a suit shoveling snowing of a pickup while parked in front of the Leg. Another Minister pulls up, his staffer in the passenger seat is scared and confused, walks always quickly. The minister knows me, comes over, and just asks "What the fuck do they have you doing now?" To which I replied, "They want me to do some real work once in a while." He replied that he is jealous and misses it (rural constituency).

My accounting degree is serving me well.

Had a meeting with my boss and the company's VP regarding all the stupid problems and headaches we're having to deal with on the job we were contracted to carry out for the government.

Me: So that's where we are now and until the (fedgov) union grows a brain we are stuck
VP: I see. Is there anything else either of you would like to add?
Boss: I don't believe so <looks over at me>
Me: Ummm....yes. I don't want to do any more government contracts. I don't get paid enough for this.
VP: How much do you want?
Me: At least double
VP: Ha-ha. No.

line cook: god this is rough
Chef: I swear the turkeys get bigger every year
line cook: Dinosaur turkeys
*Crazy Aspie laughing*
Colin: Jurrassic Turkey's and the water glasses rippling

---

The scariest folk song lyrics are "My Boy Grew up to be just like me" from cats in the cradle by Harry Chapin

I work part time in a second hand shop.

Steve (the boss): Jack, how much is this (mid 90's crappy film) camera worth?
Jack (did photography in uni, in the process of opening a photo gallery): Nothing, a fiver if you're lucky.
Steve: Well I'm sticking 25 on it, might sell it for 20. Nothing my arse.
Jack (to me afterwards): He didn't want a value, he wanted verification of his delusions.


This happens fairly regularly, with anything from electronics (my speciality), cameras (Jacks knowledge), and furniture (his son's department), we tend to just roll with whatever he thinks these days, then convince him to drop the price six months later.

Okay, a little background to this story. I'm on the phone with Asus, trying to return a bad power supply from a computer case my company bought from them. The case, with a replacement power supply, is already at a customer's home, and I've got the bad one on my desk. My coworker is sitting across the desk from me, as we were slow that day. I've already gone through all the idiot-proofing steps to demonstrate that it's actually a bad power supply, and now it's time to get the nuts and bolts of the return processed.

Asus customer service: Can you read me the serial number?
(I turn the power supply over in my hands a few times, there is no serial number or serial number-esque thing in sight.)
Me: There's no serial number.
ACS: There should be a sticker with the serial number on the back.
(I look at the back of the power supply. There's a fan grate, a power switch, a voltage selector, and a power plug.)
Me: No, there's not.
ACS: Sir, there should be a sticker on the back of the case.
Me: I'm not returning a case, I'm returning a power supply.
ACS: There should still be a serial number on the back of the case.
Me: I'm not returning a case at all, I don't have a case here, the case is at a customer's site, I have a bad power supply your company sold me, and I need a replacement for that.
(By this point, my voice has started to take on that classic deliberately-slow, exasperated, I'm-talking-to-a-monkey tone.)
ACS: Sir, I still need you to read me the serial number off the back of the case.
Me: Again, I'm trying to return a power supply, not a case. Why are you asking for the serial number of something I'm not returning? Should I give you the serial number of one of the video cards on the shelf next to me? I'm not returning one of those, so it would be just as useful.
(By this point, my coworker is absolutely losing it, stuffing a hand in his mouth to avoid bursting out laughing. It should go without saying, there were no customers in the store at this time.)
ACS: I still need you to give me the serial number of the case the power supply came with.
Me: I'm returning the power supply, not the case it came with. It could have shipped inside a fluorescent pink ostrich, and that wouldn't matter, because I am not returning an ostrich, I am returning a power supply. Now, can I please talk to someone who understands the difference between a power supply and any of the great many things that are not power supplies?
ACS: Please hold.

The supervisor who came on a few minutes later got things sorted out in short order.

---

Chronological Incontinence: Time warps around the poster. The thread topic winks out of existence and reappears in 1d10 posts.

Out of Context Theatre, this week starring Vanas
-'I think a relativistic paladin has its own problems.
Lack of skin error, please reboot.'


Fiction!: The Final War (Bolo/Lovecraft) (Ch 7 9/15/11), Living (D&D, Complete)

Manager: You never laugh at any of my jokes, you must have a terrible sense of humor.

Me: Have you considered the possiblity that you're just not funny?

---

A fuse is a physical embodyment of zen, in order for it to succeed, it must fail.

Power to the Peaceful

If you have friends like mine, raise your glasses. If you don't, raise your standards.

Boss: Hey, how's it going.

Me: Good

Boss: I don't know how we would ever get along without you working here, but starting tomorrow, we're going to find out.

(No, that's not really how the conversation went, but I'm unemployed now just the same.)

---

73% of all statistics are made up, including this one.

I'm waiting as fast as I can.

This is more of a rant, and it's paraphrased, since I'm too annoyed to remember the full conversation.

After receiving a call from a sobbing wife, I start calling around looking for why a particular Death Certificate hasn't had copies made. My Supervisor had already left for the day, so I get to make all the FUN phonecalls. After all, there's nothing as horrible as a wife crying her eyes out as she's trying to explain how hard its' been, how she can't pay her bills, and if only if only....

First Call, The Medical Examiner:
Me: Yes, I have this lady asking about Case # (xxxx), where's it standing?
M.E: What? Yes, I talked to the wife, we sent you the CoD (cause of death) on Nov 9th. It's closed out.
me : You sent it Nov 9th? I don't see where we have it. I'm going to fax it to you
M.E: Ok, but our records show it's been completed.

I get out the DC, fax it, then I make Call #2:
me: Ok, we don't have the M.E's release yet, and btw you didn't order copies for it.
Funeral Home Director: Oh, no, we were going to order copies from the County Office once you sent it there
me : Ok, ok. but he's been dead since Sept, why didn't you call and ask about this sooner? The wife was crying her eyes out, and that made me feel horrible
FHD: Oh, yes, she's been calling me crying too. He did work for me, you know, so I know the family well.
me,wondering why he didn't jump on it faster if he knew the family well.: Well, I don't know when it will get to the County, as we have no record of the ME releasing it. Why don't you go ahead and order a copy from us so we can get it to her faster, ok?
FHD : (hems, haws) well, ok, I'll try to get it in the mail before it goes out.
me: Good. you dothat

Then I noticed something that made me sit up and want to kick the shit out of the FHD.
The guy died in September.
The M.E. released the cause of death Novemeber 9th.
THE CERTIFICATE DIDN"T REACH OUR OFFICE UNTIL NOVEMBER 21st

A quick search of my Supervisor's desk, and I find the M.E.'s fax adding Cause of Death and releasing it from Pending, marked Nov 9th just as they said. A quick call back to the M.E. asking them to disregard gets me talking to the actual MD who signed it, and we have a nice little chat about Stupid Funeral Home Directors who hold onto Death Certificates instead of turning them in like they're supposed to, even if they ARE pending CoD. (This is the second DC this particular MD and I have had a FHD being a dick over)

Last Call, to wife:
me: Ma'am, we have it here, we're going to take care of it.
Wife, breaking into audible tears: Oh, thank you, thank you! I just have so many bills I need to pay, and it's been so hard...
me, interrupting another recitation of her problems: I just don't understand why the FHD didn't have this here sooner... we didn't get it until just before Thanksgiving. The Medical Examiner had sent the cause of death to us before we got it.
Wife: Wha... what? Thanksgiving?
me, : Yes, we didn't get it until November 21st, ma'am. Also, there were no copies ordered, the funeral home was going to get County Copies, not State Certified.
Wife: Oh.. well... well... how long will that take?
me : I can have this on file tomorrow, but the County won't get it until next week, ma'am.
Wife: oh... oh... do you think they can order from you?
me, : Yes, yes they can, ma'am. You may want to call the funeral home and ask about it.
Wife: oh, yes I will... you said you got it in November? My husband died in September.
me, : Yes ma'am. November 21st. But I'll make sure it gets filed tomorrow.
Wife: Thank you so much.


After I hung up, with only 5min before clockout, my co-worker tells me "I'm sure glad you took that call. I can't believe they done her that way! I hope she tells him off!"

---

agentfisherSDnet: You're as brilliant as you are beautiful.
Librium Arcana, Where Gamers Play!
"We're cooler than an iced frappicino -- On the Planet Hoth!"

Me (Answering phone): <Company>, can I help you?
Customer: I'm calling to find out if you carry any three-and-a-half-inch floppy disks.
Me: I'm afraid not.
Customer: Do you know anywhere local I could find some?
Me: <Brief pause> ...Invent a time machine and travel back to the 90s?

---

Chronological Incontinence: Time warps around the poster. The thread topic winks out of existence and reappears in 1d10 posts.

Out of Context Theatre, this week starring Vanas
-'I think a relativistic paladin has its own problems.
Lack of skin error, please reboot.'


Fiction!: The Final War (Bolo/Lovecraft) (Ch 7 9/15/11), Living (D&D, Complete)

During dinner at a very, very expensive Swiss restaurant.

Boss, to [suppressed]: "...and people are interested in real estate at the Seven Sisters again."
[Suppressed]: "What are the Seven Sisters?"
Boss: "They are seven skyscrapers built by Stalin after the war. They were considered elite, and when the Soviet Union fell, people bought apartments and then discovered that the elevators didn't work and the hallways always smelled like piss"
Me: "Actually, that was true of everywhere in Russia in the 90s. My apartment building had that, and I wasn't even living in a famous skyscraper. *[suppressed] and others laugh*
Boss: "Not true. When I was living in Russia in the 90s, [Owner] built a private apartment tower for executives, complete with underground garage. I used to live right under [Executive], who would always complain about my dog."
"
Have a very nice day.
-fgalkin

---

My Fundie Guide The World Has Ended.....Life Goes On

I work for a company that owns, maintains and repairs gas meters on behalf of gas suppliers. We're extremely well trained, but the Gas Suppliers.... they're mostly pretty nice, (although the only time anyone's been really really rude to me it's been supplier agents, not the actual Gas Consumers) but only get very minimal training.

Gas Supplier: "I'd like to book a faulty gas meter please. Only..."

Me: "Yes?"

GS: "A bit wierd, it's a credit meter, not a card meter, but they're off supply."

Me: "So... a credit meter, and they're off supply? Next time..." I shut myself up here, not wanting to get reported for being rude.
"...so, let's get this sorted for you. I'll transfer the address details across onto this form. Do you have the customer details?"

GS "Yes [supplies them]"

Me: "Thanks. Next time you can just call straight through to the gas emergency line, but as you're on the phone now, I'll do it for you."
They're supposed to be trained to recognise gas emergencies such as that, but we seem to be the only decently trained office...

GS "Ok, thanks."

Me: "So... do they have more than one gas appliance, and are they all off supply?"
GS: "Um... hang on..."
I am put on hold for about three minutes. Average call length is about 1:02.

GS: "They have a gas boiler and a gas fire, and the boiler doesn't work, but the fire does."

Me: "So...?"

GS: "So the boiler's not working and I gave them the boiler Homecare number. Thanks anyway! Bye!"

Another 5 minutes of my day wasted by people who couldn't be bothered to ask the questions that are their job. Grr.

---

"Our terror has to be indiscriminate, otherwise innocent people will cease to fear"
-Josef Stalin

So, I was at an end-of-year luncheon thing with [owner], where we were discussing the state of the Motherland, and one of the VPs, who served in the Soviet Ministry of Foreign Affairs told us a story how he visited the Philippines for some environmental conference in 1981. After she realized there wasn't much support for whatever resolution they wanted to adopt, Imelda walked around each of the tables, and, to show how civilized the Marcoses were, invited everyone on a tour of the toilets in one of her palaces. She then personally walked everyone through each one of the 18 jewel-encrusted toilets, showing how advanced they were, and thus, how progressive and modern the ruling family was.

Have a very nice day.
-fgalkin

---

My Fundie Guide The World Has Ended.....Life Goes On