StarDestroyer.Net BBS

In the same spirit as the famous Lord of the Rings thread and the slightly-less-famous-but-still-noteworthy Zombie thread, this is a hypothetical scenario wherein All active members of the board are transported to Southern France circa 750.

Details:
All people who currently post on the board, whether sporadically or constantly, are dumped ceremoniously into this village.

Everyone is put in a small township/fiefdom previously occupied by ~4000 people and their lord up to the transport of our people. Their food, tools, lodgings, clothing, etc. all remain untouched. Members of the Senate are placed atop the small castle which sits in the centre of the city atop a hill. It is complete with a feast table set out, crown jewelry for our Emperor, an armoury, and whatever else might be expected to be found.

The village is situated with the slightly to the East, with a freshwater river with fish flowing just to the side and a plentiful forest surrounding it. There is plenty of agrable land near the river, and plenty of wheat has already been planted.

There are plenty of market stalls, huts, houses, guildhouses, tradesplaces, taverns, and shops for everyone.

The only a-historical thing about this village is a vault filled with insulin, anti-depressants, and a whole slew of drugs and medicines to supply the people on the board who need them essentially indefinitely.

NEW GOAL AND INCENTIVE: The Great Sky-Fairy has sent you back in time with a goal in mind: Improve the past while keeping as many members alive as possible. The greater advances in technology, the bigger a peaceful empire, whatever new philosophies lead to a revolution in thought all count. If you manage to successfully accomplish these things, you're reverse-aged back to whenever you left Kansas, back to where you were, with a cash bonus based on how well you did. A big one. From God. Of course, if you die on this trip, or leave the group in tatters, or abandon it entirely, God smites you hard, 'cuz he's a dick. If you die in service of the goal and the group succeeds, you get the Jesus treatment, plus money.

Can the board replace Charlemagne and usher in a feudo-socialist democracy? Or will the language barrier lead to all our heads being bashed in by a nascent Holy Roman Empire?

PS: I know 750 isn't technically the medieval ages. Sue me, it was a snazzy title.

EDIT: I've changed the rules on what you can bring back. Any member has 24 hours to grab whatever they can carry on their person (including stuff in a backpack, etc.) and they will be transported along with that.

Language barrier is a beeeeeeeg problem, though not insurmountable.

However, given our historical knowledge, as well as the various experts in assorted fields available (not a few of our members are well versed in history, which would be of quite excellent help), we can definitely get some shit done. Starting with gunpowder.

More seriously, the best plan of attack (so to speak) is to *not* try to ursurp the local rulers. Rather, establish our own little fiefdom while we train our own members in various skills, and craft some essential tools (a printing press perhaps? Early water-powered industry?). Attract people (labourers) to the area with the offer of, say, free education for their children? Defense against local marauders or the Arabs currently in Spain? We can come up with something I'm sure.

In time, offer our services as technological advisers to the local rulers. "Oi, Charley! Wanna add that 'Magne' to your name? Here's a little thing we like to call a 'boomstick'..."

First things first, we'll have to import alot of women.

KrauserKrauser wrote:First things first, we'll have to import alot of women.

Just get some of the ex-military guys to teach us drill, while we get a bunch of spears and shields made. Organizing a militia would be one early priority, considering the conflicts in the area and the tendency to enforce rule by force.

Then go out hat in hand with flowers and chocolate... (yes I know chocolate's anachronistic considering it's a New World crop, but I'm sure some of it would be included in that essentials icebox along with the insulin and meds... )

Nieztchean Uber-Amoeba wrote:
The only a-historical thing about this village is a vault filled with insulin, anti-depressants, and a whole slew of drugs and medicines to supply the people on the board who need them essentially indefinitely.

So there is enough medicine to last just the board's population until they naturally die or is there an unspecified amount stashed in there? One thing I could see is stealing the stocks from anyone who died from combat or accident and bartering them off as "magic" pills towards rulers for alliances.

A fief full of philosophers?

Who is going to do all the labor?

(edit) I'll read more thoroughly next time, I promise.

Well I'd have my small amount of experience in logging and small home building (my grandfather owned a saw mill and I've helped build 2 houses, a log cabin plus a few barns with my father, a man I'd rate as an expert in housing construction) to help pitch in if we needed anything new. Of course it'd be a lot of axe-work, so my summers chopping will finally pay off. I doubt I'd be able to bring any new innovations to the time period, but my strong back and plenty of motivation can make up for that

EDIT: So I guess that makes me the labor, since all I've got is knowledge of Roman history and archetecture (not too good considering I'll be busy with woodwork) and building skill. I'll dig em and die in em!

Contents of our pockets, we are limited. Our best bet is to submit to the local ruler in exchange for our technical knowledge.

If we had more resources, say some text books, the language barrier removed, and the 750's approximation of anything in our houses that require electricity to run, then the rest of it, we might be able to get something done.

(Just based on the aresenals some of our members probably have)

I'm sure some of the French are bound to speak some English or Spanish, and many on this board probably speak some Spanish and everyone speaks English. In addition, there have to be at least a few French-speaking members on this board; they could serve as interpreters.

No offense to any of you, but I am chartering a boat and sailing to North America and heading to Michigan. I love it too much.

Cos Dashit wrote:I'm sure some of the French are bound to speak some English or Spanish, and many on this board probably speak some Spanish and everyone speaks English. In addition, there have to be at least a few French-speaking members on this board; they could serve as interpreters.

750 Speech/= Modern speech.

Even if Englsih was around then (it wasn't) it would be pretty much impossible to understand it.

One important thing to consider it that all of us - every one- will be giants compared to the people in those days, when 5 feet was pretty tall. We'll tower over them, even the short board members.

We'd be utterly fucked. We are dependent on a well-ordered technological society, and without personal servants, we'd have a hell of a time just avoiding death by starvation, exposure, disease, or violence. How many of us know how to work a farm, seriously? The first few years would be really bad, even if we start with initial wealth. Medicine is hardly our most pressing health concern; clean water is. We're used to getting that by simply opening a tap.

As for the idea of selling our technical knowledge, this is an era when men were put to death for practicing mathematics because it was a strange alien way of thinking that might lead men astray from the Bible, for fuck's sake. Just try teaching some of these fucktards about science; you're liable to be tortured to death for heresy.

Cos Dashit wrote:I'm sure some of the French are bound to speak some English or Spanish, and many on this board probably speak some Spanish and everyone speaks English. In addition, there have to be at least a few French-speaking members on this board; they could serve as interpreters.

It's 750. The closest thing to English that exists is going to be something along the lines of 'Prythee wuldst thee lyft bum offen ye loo'? Even less dephicerable than that. French and Spanish would be similarly archaic. Latin might be easier, actually...

Cos Dashit wrote:A fief full of philosophers?

Who is going to do all the labor?

We've got a large cross-section of people who are members of this board from ages of roughly fifteen or so to mid-forties, with the middle of the curve being biased towards the younger end of the population. A fair number of whom are most likely in quite good physical condition. We've got no shortage of labor. What we may have problems with are useful skills. I mean, sure we have programmers and engineers here, but our knowledge base means precisely jack without the framework of modern civilization supporting us. We have history buffs and military personnel here, and that will be helpful. What I don't think we have a lot of are people with trades that'd be useful in medieval Europe, like stonemasons, potters, blacksmiths, weavers, shepherds, and farmers.

And we're going to need farmers. In fact, most of the board's population is going to be involved in farming, since it will all have to be done with hand tools with some animal labor. And those who aren't farming are going to be busy with the upkeep of the town, and the and the creation of at least a basic system of running water (in short, ditch-digging, a lot of ditch-digging from that river,) so we can deal adequately with our own waste byproducts. And there will be there will have to be a cadre of folks responsible for interrogating board members and writing down their knowledge, since, to be perfectly honest, depending on how badly we fuck up our farming and how willing neighboring fiefdoms would be to trade with us, a not-insignificant fraction of the board's population will die from disease or starvation in the first few years, and there's zero guarantee that those with priceless, irreplaceable knowledge won't be among the dead.

And since we're on the European mainland, and since whatever town we displaced is going to be large enough to be missed, and since I doubt there's anyone here who's good enough with Latin or the Frankish variants thereof to talk us out of trouble, the rest of us will either be dead or enslaved inside of a decade.

Our best hope would be the board members who speak latin; they could start claim to be missionaries and get money and food for everyone else.

Darth Wong wrote:We'd be utterly fucked. We are dependent on a well-ordered technological society, and without personal servants, we'd have a hell of a time just avoiding death by starvation, exposure, disease, or violence.

You do have plenty of farm animals such as sheep, cows, pigs, etc. for meat, as well as already-planted and grown farms of wheat and vegetables, and fresh water and fish can be obtained from the river.

This wouldn't be quite as fun if everyone died of natural elements after a couple months.

This is the Dark Ages. The river might be a freshwater river in the sense that it's not salt water, but any villages upstream will have been dumping their shit into it. Trust me, clean water is going to be an issue. There's a reason why everybody lived on the marginal edge of survival back then.

Having livestock won't do shit if we don't know how to manage them, and our farms. Hell, how many of us can even slaughter a cow with medieval implements? Never mind feeding the livestock, which only puts more pressure on our farming abilities. And I suspect that most of us will not truly recognize how desperate the survival situation is until we've killed and eaten far too many of our farm animals. Human nature will cause us to behave foolishly, unless there is a benevolent dictator with a loyal and well-armed police force to keep people in line. Do you have any idea how absurd our modern meat-rich diet would be in a primitive medieval setting? The amount of meat that the average American eats in a day would last for a week or more in a primitive setting.

I'm dead in record time, due to the vast number of things wrong with my body and brain.

Nieztchean Uber-Amoeba wrote:

Darth Wong wrote:We'd be utterly fucked. We are dependent on a well-ordered technological society, and without personal servants, we'd have a hell of a time just avoiding death by starvation, exposure, disease, or violence.

You do have plenty of farm animals such as sheep, cows, pigs, etc. for meat, as well as already-planted and grown farms of wheat and vegetables, and fresh water and fish can be obtained from the river.

This wouldn't be quite as fun if everyone died of natural elements after a couple months.

Quite a few problems still exist:

A) How many of us really know anything about animal husbandry, or how to butcher, dress, and cure meat for storage?

B) How many of us have grown more than a vegetable or flower garden? Moreover, how many of us have grown one relying completely on traditional methods of agriculture (read: no Miracle Gro.) Sure any agricultural experience helps, but how many of us know enough about agricultural methods to get us through the second winter?

C) The natives probably view the water as fresh. After all, their guts are already chock-full of parasites. We, on the other hand, will probably have to boil all our water first.

D) Hopefully there was some netting left in the town somewhere for us to catch fish with.

SirNitram wrote:I'm dead in record time, due to the vast number of things wrong with my body and brain.

That is why I put indefinite supplies of modern medicine and drugs in the vaults, man. To avoid these sorts of posts.

Regarding the spread of technology being regarded as heresy; don't couch it as non-religious. 'Hear ye, and we shall show you how God smiteth the unbelievers!" *boom!*

And seriously, most of the ruling monarchs at the time were only affliated with the Church because the Church had plenty of power at the time; if you can offer them a new weapon with which to vanquish their enemies, and promise a reasonably steady supply, they aren't going to give a second thought to whether or not God approves. If they get excommunicated, they'll ask forgiveness and do penance... *after* they win the wars.

GrandMasterTerwynn wrote:

Nieztchean Uber-Amoeba wrote:

Darth Wong wrote:We'd be utterly fucked. We are dependent on a well-ordered technological society, and without personal servants, we'd have a hell of a time just avoiding death by starvation, exposure, disease, or violence.

You do have plenty of farm animals such as sheep, cows, pigs, etc. for meat, as well as already-planted and grown farms of wheat and vegetables, and fresh water and fish can be obtained from the river.

This wouldn't be quite as fun if everyone died of natural elements after a couple months.

Quite a few problems still exist:

A) How many of us really know anything about animal husbandry, or how to butcher, dress, and cure meat for storage?

B) How many of us have grown more than a vegetable or flower garden? Moreover, how many of us have grown one relying completely on traditional methods of agriculture (read: no Miracle Gro.) Sure any agricultural experience helps, but how many of us know enough about agricultural methods to get us through the second winter?

C) The natives probably view the water as fresh. After all, their guts are already chock-full of parasites. We, on the other hand, will probably have to boil all our water first.

D) Hopefully there was some netting left in the town somewhere for us to catch fish with.

*holds hand up* I have some basic knowledge of all that. I know there are several members here who have had experience with farm life and other stuff like that. Even my minimal experience would be something to start with, at least, not to mention whatever knowledge we can collate from everybody together. I can see several 'town meetings' being done to hammer out an action plan and assign duties, as well as to figure out what the fuck we all do know, and how to use it, however minimal it is.

No insulin = dead Servo.

Darth Servo wrote:No insulin = dead Servo.

Note where NUA emphasizes that there's an essentially infinite supply of insulin and other modern medications sufficient for whatever medical conditions any members may have.