Lusankya, I think you've hit the nail on the head. There's something to that theory. The only real question is, how did John McClaine manage not to die?Lusankya wrote:To put this into context for people who weren't privy to Shroom and my conversation, this is based on our discovery that Korban Dallas is John McClaine, just a long time into the future when he was still too hardcore to die.Shroom Man 777 wrote:It looks like John McClane had a lot of time to practice, before he changed his name.
This was based on an Incredibly ScientificTM investigation of Die Hard and The Fifth Element, whereupon it was discovered that both men have the same trick of taping a gun to their back and then whipping it out and shooting the guy with the hostage just when they least expect it, because they think McClaine/Dallas is unarmed. Clearly these two fine gentlemangs are one and the same!
Perhaps the Fifth Element comes in two parts, and the alien guys knew that he was it. So they meddled with him one night to make him ageless after seeing him lay down unholy amounts of smack against a bunch of shitheads. Of course, this resulted in him vastly outliving everyone he'd ever known, his wife, his kids, his grandkids, his great-grandkids, and so forth and so on, until he was tired of trying to explain that no, he couldn't be that John McClaine, that guy was an ancestor, and just invented a new name. This, of course, was facilitated by him joining the ultra-super-secret-special-forces team under a French Foreign Legion like thing wherein you join, you serve, and you get a new identity free of questions asked.
Then of course, the shit came down, the ageless aliens return with their ageless second part of the Fifth Element, Mila Jovovich got her titties out, and he was so inspired by the sight of those ageless orbs that he refused to let a trivial thing like the impending Armageddon stop him from getting it on with that sweet and fine immortal badass chick, the only badass chick to match his badass self.
Of course, this does present a problem for the brawl: if he's John McClaine, he can't kill John McClaine without creating a titanic parodox so bad that he might as well have just let Darkness destroy everything. So he'll have to trick John into thinking he's won, then crawl home to slap Ruby Rod over the back of the head and get it on again with his immortal babe.
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