MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

OT: anything goes!

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Raw Shark
Stunt Driver / Babysitter
Posts: 7160
Joined: 2005-11-24 09:35am
Location: One Mile Up

Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Raw Shark »

ME: Hey, are you super busy right now?

TECHNICALLY NOT MY DAUGHTER: Kinda. Why?

ME: I have a customer who needs your expertise.

TECHNICALLY NOT MY DAUGHTER: What's he looking for?

ME: He's kind of new to using caulk, and he wants a caulk expert to tell him all about what to do with caulk. I heard you're the best in the department.

TECHNICALLY NOT MY DAUGHTER: I know my way around some caulk.

ME: So you'll show him what to do with his caulk? He has a big one in his hands, and no idea how to use it.

TECHNICALLY NOT MY DAUGHTER: Story of my fucking life.

"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker
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The_Saint
Jedi Knight
Posts: 729
Joined: 2007-05-05 04:13am
Location: Under Down Under

Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by The_Saint »

Raw Shark wrote: 2021-11-14 09:05pm ...
caulk
...
Was it Schaeffers Big Black Caulk??
All people are equal but some people are more equal than others.
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Raw Shark
Stunt Driver / Babysitter
Posts: 7160
Joined: 2005-11-24 09:35am
Location: One Mile Up

Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Raw Shark »

Yeah, we totally carry that.

"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker
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InsaneTD
Jedi Knight
Posts: 663
Joined: 2010-07-13 12:10am
Location: South Australia

Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by InsaneTD »

The_Saint wrote: 2021-11-28 01:50am
Raw Shark wrote: 2021-11-14 09:05pm ...
caulk
...
Was it Schaeffers Big Black Caulk??
My wife showed me that when we first got together. Bloody Kiwis and their decks.
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Raw Shark
Stunt Driver / Babysitter
Posts: 7160
Joined: 2005-11-24 09:35am
Location: One Mile Up

Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Raw Shark »

[SLOW DAY AT THE HARDWARE STORE]:

TECHNICALLY NOT MY DAUGHTER: Hey, Shark?

ME: Yeah, TNMD?

TECHNICALLY NOT MY DAUGHTER: What's the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean?

ME: I thought they were the-

TECHNICALLY NOT MY DAUGHTER: I've never paid a hundred bucks to have a garbanzo bean on my face before!

EAVESDROPPIN' OLD LADY: Oh, my! Is that a skin treatment?

TECHNICALLY NOT MY DAUGHTER: Um. It totally is. That's why I only look 21. I'd wash my face with chick pea every day if I could afford it. I'd even-

ME: We don't sell that here, ma'am. I think they have it in the Beyond section of the Bed, Bath, and Beyond across the way.

EAVESDROPPIN' OLD LADY: I'll have to ask them about it!

"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker
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Darth Nostril
Jedi Knight
Posts: 979
Joined: 2008-04-25 02:46pm
Location: Get off my lawn

Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Darth Nostril »

I now work as a taxi driver.

Slightly Drunk Pretty Blonde Passenger: Uhh, driver? My face is mostly made of plastic, could you turn the heating down before it melts?
So I stare wistfully at the Lightning for a couple of minutes. Two missiles, sharply raked razor-thin wings, a huge, pregnant belly full of fuel, and the two screamingly powerful engines that once rammed it from a cold start to a thousand miles per hour in under a minute. Life would be so much easier if our adverseries could be dealt with by supersonic death on wings - but alas, Human resources aren't so easily defeated.

Imperial Battleship, halt the flow of time!

My weird shit NSFW
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Raw Shark
Stunt Driver / Babysitter
Posts: 7160
Joined: 2005-11-24 09:35am
Location: One Mile Up

Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Raw Shark »

Darth Nostril wrote: 2022-05-05 06:56pm I now work as a taxi driver.
I formally pass the taxi torch* to you, Young One. Make me proud.

* Like a tiki torch, only awesomer.

"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker
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Darth Nostril
Jedi Knight
Posts: 979
Joined: 2008-04-25 02:46pm
Location: Get off my lawn

Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Darth Nostril »

Raw Shark wrote: 2022-05-07 08:49pm
Darth Nostril wrote: 2022-05-05 06:56pm I now work as a taxi driver.
I formally pass the taxi torch* to you, Young One. Make me proud.

* Like a tiki torch, only awesomer.
Everything taxi drivers do is awesomer, because it's taxi drivers doing it.





A: "One one to control, in case anyone phones in and asks, I've got their knickers and stockings on the back seat."

Operator: "I beg your pardon!?"

S: "You dirty old man"

A: "One one, control, nothing to do with me, I swear, they were just left there"

Me: "Zero four to one one, can't let you out of my sight for five bloody minutes can I? Now some poor girl's getting frostbitten .."

Operator: "Do not finish that sentence"

A&S: laughter


Out of context theatre

Boss: Matt, just how the actual fuck did you manage to split the bumper in half!?!?

Yours truly: I was thirsty.
So I stare wistfully at the Lightning for a couple of minutes. Two missiles, sharply raked razor-thin wings, a huge, pregnant belly full of fuel, and the two screamingly powerful engines that once rammed it from a cold start to a thousand miles per hour in under a minute. Life would be so much easier if our adverseries could be dealt with by supersonic death on wings - but alas, Human resources aren't so easily defeated.

Imperial Battleship, halt the flow of time!

My weird shit NSFW
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LadyTevar
White Mage
White Mage
Posts: 21300
Joined: 2003-02-12 10:59pm

Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by LadyTevar »

It's the evening shift, and suddenly I'm the Senior Reservation Clerk -- er, Adventure Specialist, and the other 3 are new hires just graduating High School this WEEK.

Me: Ok, it's 8:59, time to shut down.
Lilith (yes, her real name, and she has black hair with purple highlights): Ok, I'll turn on the (overnight call forwarding) phone!
Me: Good, I've got the porch lights and the window blinds.
Lilith: OH! A new chat just popped up in queue!
Me: Leave it.
Her: But, he's in line...
Me: Leave it. We're closing.
Her: But...
Me: Look, we're not getting paid overtime to stay for a last minute chat. Like Cedar Lakes, Like Disney, Seasonal Employees do not get Paid Overtime.
Lilith: .... Oh. I didn't know that.

She shuts down her computer, we shut off the lights and we leave, clocking out at 9:05p.
Image
Librium Arcana, Where Gamers Play!
Nitram, slightly high on cough syrup: Do you know you're beautiful?
Me: Nope, that's why I have you around to tell me.
Nitram: You -are- beautiful. Anyone tries to tell you otherwise kill them.
"A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved, except in memory. LLAP" -- Leonard Nimoy, last Tweet
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