MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

OT: anything goes!

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Raw Shark
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Raw Shark » 2019-09-17 02:17pm

NEW CO-WORKER: Hi, excuse me, Sir- Could you possibly help me to [get ridiculous object off very high shelf]

MY DUMB ASS: DO YOU EVEN LIFT, BRO!?

NEW CO-WORKER: OhmigawdI'mso-

MY DUMB ASS: Dude. I am totally fucking with you. Where's your flat?

"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker

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Raw Shark
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Raw Shark » 2019-09-17 02:25pm

LadyTevar wrote:
2019-09-12 11:04pm
There is one truth in Southern West Virginia -- GPS DOES NOT WORK.
Really? That's the only thing? The utterly unrepentant piece of MAGA shit I work with is an exception there?

"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker

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Raw Shark
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Raw Shark » 2019-09-17 03:00pm

And unless I am unclear on this, I fully do believe that any blue collar Trumpie is A FUCKING RETARD. Proceed to go up on that if you want.

"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker

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LaCroix
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by LaCroix » 2019-09-18 07:46am

Lunch - there were Burgers that had the Cafeteria Logo burned into them...

Coworker (miffed): Don't you like it when they brand their logo into the food? Territorial, aren't they?
Yours truly: Just be glad they didn't pee on it to mark their territory... You know, there are places...

*round of silent nods around the table, eating commences*
A minute's thought suggests that the very idea of this is stupid. A more detailed examination raises the possibility that it might be an answer to the question "how could the Germans win the war after the US gets involved?" - Captain Seafort, in a thread proposing a 1942 'D-Day' in Quiberon Bay

I do archery skeet. With a Trebuchet.

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LadyTevar
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by LadyTevar » 2019-09-18 08:16pm

Raw Shark wrote:
2019-09-17 02:25pm
LadyTevar wrote:
2019-09-12 11:04pm
There is one truth in Southern West Virginia -- GPS DOES NOT WORK.
Really? That's the only thing? The utterly unrepentant piece of MAGA shit I work with is an exception there?
I said ONE TRUTH. MAGA is a big fat lie
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Enigma
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Enigma » 2019-09-19 08:32am

At work I'm a Quality Coordinator and last night I had to inspect every tote that had been re-worked. A co-worker who was the head of the group reworking the totes, came up to me with one of them.

Co-worker: "Is this okay? The customer wrote something on the bottom of the insert."

Me: "Let me see." I take a look inside. "No goog? Let me turn this around........ boob on?"

Both of us chuckle and I told her it was fine to use.
ASVS('97)/SDN('03)

"Whilst human alchemists refer to the combustion triangle, some of their orcish counterparts see it as more of a hexagon: heat, fuel, air, laughter, screaming, fun." Dawn of the Dragons

ASSCRAVATS!

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Raw Shark
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Raw Shark » 2019-09-19 04:13pm

Enigma wrote:
2019-09-19 08:32am
Me: "Let me see." I take a look inside. "No goog? Let me turn this around........ boob on?"

Both of us chuckle and I told her it was fine to use.
HR will need to speak with you tomorrow.

"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker

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The Romulan Republic
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by The Romulan Republic » 2019-09-19 09:38pm

Had to special order a customer a copy of Mein Kampf at work today (for those who don't know, I work in a bookstore). They swore it was for academic purposes (university class, I gathered). Honestly I think they were more embarrassed to be buying it than I was to be selling it.

Still, there's something slightly spooky about writing "Hitler, Adolph" under author's name on an order card. There was this weird feeling of mixing something so ordinary, and something so sinister. I felt kind of like a Potter Wizarding saying "Voldemort" instead of You Know Who.
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Enigma » 2019-09-19 10:07pm

Raw Shark wrote:
2019-09-19 04:13pm
Enigma wrote:
2019-09-19 08:32am
Me: "Let me see." I take a look inside. "No goog? Let me turn this around........ boob on?"

Both of us chuckle and I told her it was fine to use.
HR will need to speak with you tomorrow.
HR will do squat as it was the customer that wrote it not us. Not my problem that the customer can't spell.
ASVS('97)/SDN('03)

"Whilst human alchemists refer to the combustion triangle, some of their orcish counterparts see it as more of a hexagon: heat, fuel, air, laughter, screaming, fun." Dawn of the Dragons

ASSCRAVATS!

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phred
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by phred » 2019-09-21 06:21pm

Co-worker 1: All you white people look the same to me

Co-worker 2: You're a white person... and he's Mexican.
Yo mama so classless, she's a Marxist utopia - Proof that not all general chat is totally devoid of intelligence.

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Raw Shark
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Raw Shark » 2019-09-22 05:11pm

MEXICAN-AMERICAN CO-WORKER: Mateo Dos es muy fuerte...

PUERTO-RICAN CO-WORKER: Si, y muy facil, y-

ME: Hablo Español, senoritas. [wink]

"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker

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Raw Shark
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Raw Shark » 2019-09-29 05:43pm

CO-WORKER #1: Oh yeah!? [takes a drunken swing]

CO-WORKER #2: Yeah! [drops into a kickboxing stance and shifts weight to throw a high kick]

ME: [barges in] HAUL THIS BUS TO THE SIDE OF THE ROAD! WE NEED YOU THIS MORNING AND IF YOU BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER I WILL LITERALLY RAPE YOUR UNCONSCIOUS BODIES!

~~~~

When I have to be the adult in the room, shit's gone sideways.

"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker

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Raw Shark
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Raw Shark » 2019-09-29 06:00pm

[time passes]

BOSS: ...Shark. You know, I like where your head's at, but I need you to take it down maybe half a notch.

ME: Yes, ma'am. One half of a notch, ma'am.

"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker

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LaCroix
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by LaCroix » 2019-09-30 05:44am

Shark - the shift supervisor version of the hound...
A minute's thought suggests that the very idea of this is stupid. A more detailed examination raises the possibility that it might be an answer to the question "how could the Germans win the war after the US gets involved?" - Captain Seafort, in a thread proposing a 1942 'D-Day' in Quiberon Bay

I do archery skeet. With a Trebuchet.

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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by FaxModem1 » 2019-10-01 01:07am

Its worrying when my coworkers are taking the time to tell me to stop working so much, they're concerned that I'm going to collapse because I keep on saying yes to overtime and extra shifts.

Fellow Supervisor: You need to stop doing this. You're going to be so tired that you're going to crash driving home.

Me: I only live five minutes away.

Fellow Supervisor: Doesn't matter. You're going to collapse and die if you're not careful. You need to start saying no when (boss) asks you to come in.

Me: I need the money.

Fellow Supervisor: Fax, you need to take time off when you're supposed to take time off. I know (the boss) relies on you when there's holes to fill, but you need to relax.

Subordinate : You can't spend the money when your dead.

Me: I promise, if I'm close to dying, I'll take some days off.

Fellow Supervisor: You do know they'll find someone to fill in when you die, right?

Me: Nah, they'll just sell me to the local glue factory for missed profits.
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Zwinmar
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Zwinmar » 2019-10-01 09:07am

Yep. Need a new job: They are moving us to day shift and removing the shift differential to do it so I will lose pay to do the same job I'm doing now, only since it will be the day shift then customers will be everywhere and have to deal with the idiots in management.

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Raw Shark
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Raw Shark » 2019-10-02 04:32pm

MASSHOLE ACCENT THEATER:

CO-WORKER #1: Lookit me, I gotta 10' [box shipped by the company called something that sounds like] Boner!

CO-WORKER #2: Don't fucking slap me with that 10' Boner!

ME: Jesus Fuckin' Christ, kid, you just hit my box with your Boner!

FEMALE CO-WORKER: My aunt is in HR but I don't hate you so I'm just turning up my music right now.

CO-WORKER #1: I can't control a Boner this big all the time!

CO-WORKER #2: If we knew you couldn't control a 10' Boner, you wouldn't have this job. How did you get out of the casting couch?

ME: They don't call it Boner because it's easy. They call it Boner because it's hard.

"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker

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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Silver Jedi » 2019-10-04 02:47pm

Co-worker 1: How do you spell "exed"?

Co-worker 2: "Eksed"?

Co-worker 1: Yeah. Like, "I "X"'d something out"

Co-worker 2: ...

Co-worker 1: I'll just say "marked"
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Raw Shark
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Raw Shark » 2019-10-09 10:47am

RAW SHARK DOES AN ACTIVE SHOOTER SEMINAR:

HR: Okay, today we're doing an active shooter drill, because of what happened at Wal-Mart.

ME: Are you sure that this is more necessary than me doing my actual job?

HR: Absolutely. So in the event of an active shooter, what could you find that could help you to stop-

ME: [deploys box cutter] Okay, team. This here is your Stanley Knife. It's good for a lot of things, but going deep is not one of them, so the first thing you've got to consider is surface area. I know going for the gun arm will occur to you first, but forget that until you take out the eyes. Then when you have the arm locked up, you gotta go down the river, not across the street, and-

HR: Shark. Stop helping.

"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker

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Raw Shark
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Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Raw Shark » 2019-10-09 07:49pm

When the going gets crazy, the crazy get going.

"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker

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