Bruce Willis vs... Bruce Willis?!

[wautd]

In todays Battle Royale, 6 incarnations of Bruce Willis duke it out in a fight to death! Place your bets on which Bruce dies first, and which Bruce can call himself as the most badass of all the Bruces.

Presenting:

Korben Dallas - The Fifth Element (1997)
Highly decorated ex-special forces major.
Special skill/weapon: Insane reflexes
Weakness: bright orange shirt makes him stand out like a Christmas three on the beach. May only use the same modern weapons like the rest (no futuristic shit)

The Jackal - The Jackal (1997)
Notorious Assassin, master of disguise and distraction.
Special skill/weapon: One vial with enough poison to paint a door handle. Poison causes near instant death upon skin contact
Weakness: may only use pistols as firearms.

Tom Greer - Surrogates (2009)
Police detective in a robotic body.
Special skill/weapon: Remote controlled surrogate. He’ll get all the advantages (increased stamina, no pain, increased endurance, …) but he will still die if the surrogate gets destroyed.
Weakness: Controlled by a pretty average guy with whatever training a cop of his function gets.

John McClane - Die Hard (2007)
The hero cop who always ends up in the wrong place at the wrong time
Special skill/weapon: Highly resourceful in killing people with improvised weapons. Can take one hell of a beating in hand to hand combat, can dish out a lot of pain as well.
Weakness: Doesn't get to wear any shoes

John Smith - Last Man Standing (1996)
Highly lethal mob enforcer who was able to take out a small army of mobsters.
Special skill/weapon: Dangerous with any gun. Deadly with his akimbo Colt 45’s
Weakness: worthless without his guns or ammo.

Joe Hallenbeck - The Last Boy Scout (1991)
A badass ex-secret service agent who only speaks in one-liners.
Special skill/weapon: When cornered, effectively uses jokes and bullshit to distract his enemies before delivering a deadly sucker punch. (You may laugh but he gets away with it 3(!) times in that movie).
Weakness: has a hangover

Arena for this event will be Nakatomi Plaza. Each Bruce starts on a random location next to a weapons cache containing enough guns and and ammo equip an army platoon.

Lets get ready to rumble!

[weemadando]

I'm torn between Korben Dallas and John Smith...

[Lusankya]

Korben Dallas is highly proficient in all of the weapons, as well as general kick-assery.

Plus, he's powered by the power of Love.

[Sarevok]

Does Korban Dallas get Fifth Element weapons to play with ? With normal 20th century weapons he still a threat. With advanced technology weapons from his home timeline he is damn near unstoppable.

[wautd]

Does Korban Dallas get Fifth Element weapons to play with ? With normal 20th century weapons he still a threat. With advanced technology weapons from his home timeline he is damn near unstoppable.

No, just normal, standard weapons. It was difficult enough to find a weakness and with futuristic weapons he'll be too overpowered. Editted in the OP.

[Twigler]

McClane has shown he's nearly immortal over the years, with an ability to soak up an incredible amount of damage, but I think my man Korben will given him a run for his money... over broken glass.

[Temujin]

Korben Dallas. He's so good he's practically a parody of a special ops soldier. If Greer gets his android body, Korban should get whatever weapons he had from the movie, and his cab.

Does Korban Dallas get Fifth Element weapons to play with ? With normal 20th century weapons he still a threat. With advanced technology weapons from his home timeline he is damn near unstoppable.

No, just normal, standard weapons. It was difficult enough to find a weakness and with futuristic weapons he'll be too overpowered. Editted in the OP.

Pre Edit: Yeah, your right, he is over powered.

[Solauren]

Korban Dallas.

He's from a point in time where we have interstellar travel, and contact with aliens.

He's got to have had training to deal with more powerful creatures. His opponents are just humans. (Okay, and a surrogate).

Besides, he drives a Taxi Cab in New York. That gives him bonus points for toughness.

[weemadando]

Is everyone overlooking that fact that John Smith shot a man so hard that he flew backwards through the air no less than thirty feet and through at least one closed door?

*edit* I was getting a few scenes confused in my head. The one I'm thinking of a guy gets shot and flies backwards down a hallway, out the front door, off the porch and into the street before tumbling across half the street and coming to rest against a truck on the far side of the road.

Did I mention that he shoots some other dudes while that guy is still airborne? Yeah.

I think I'll go with John Smith with Korben Dallas coming a very, very close second.

[wautd]

Is everyone overlooking that fact that John Smith shot a man so hard that he flew backwards through the air no less than thirty feet and through at least one closed door?

... and turned 180°C to shoot up some other guys before the first body even hit the ground.

[Raxmei]

Other - David Dunn (Unbreakable). First to die will be Dr. Malcolm Crowe, who died before the battle started but hasn't figured it out yet.

[Marcus Aurelius]

The right answer is, as should be self-evident, the real Tom Greer, not the surrogate. He was more bad-ass than any of those others for going to the streets as himself and looking not a day younger than 50.

[wautd]

My ranking goes as follows:

A very tight top 3

1. John McClane: simply by the sheer amount of sticky situations he's been in, and always coming out victorious against highly competent villains. I'm pretty sure he racked up the highest body count and if you can kill people with fire extinguishers, make human kebap using a BMW on a chain or shoot down a helicopter with a car then you're pretty good at taking lives.
2. John Smith: with his dual 45's he's the Punisher on steroids. He should have plenty of ammo to take out the other Bruces.
3. Korben Dallas: on paper the strongest of the bunch, but on screen the John's did more impressive things (OK, not including saving the universe).
4. The Jackal: Worlds best assassin in a building with a lot of places to hide. He has the potential to take out any Bruce but I don't see him getting lucky with all 5 in a row. The surrogate might be tricky with his limited armory though (although I guess a headshot might do the trick).
5. Joe Hallenbeck: pretends to be more stupid than he is and people constantly underestimate him. However, he's up against people who tend to shoot first and ask questions later.
6. Tom Greer: while a surrogate is no terminator, it can take quite an amount of damage before completely taken out. His lack of training and experience will be his downfall though.

[ShadowDragon8685]

Gonna throw my vote in for Korban Dallas. It's pretty much garunteed he's John McLane's descendant, so he's got all of his predecessor's stamina and ability to take a punishment (because movie genetics works that way,) but he also has one other key advantage his ancestor does not: Shoes. Boots, actually.

Plus, he can always count on a bumbling asshole and a not-Jedi monk to show up and distract the other Bruces long enough to make a getaway if he gets cornered.

[Shroom Man 777]

Hudson Hawk.

[Bob the Gunslinger]

Garibaldi.



Okay, since that's not an option, I have to vote for Korbin Dallas. Just his negotiation skills alone will decide this contest.

Also, he has super-human powers of observation, which will help play an important role in the combat, especially against the Jackal.

Hudson Hawk would probably be the only non-Dallas survivor of this fracas, but I just don't see him killing any of the other Bruces.

[Donal]

Ben Jordan

He fucking survived that movie and is still recognizable as a man.

[Marcus Aurelius]

Ben Jordan

He fucking survived that movie and is still recognizable as a man.

I haven't seen that one, but I doubt it is as good as The Bridges of Madison County.
Yes, I know it didn't have Willis, but it showed that an action star can do a chick flick and still appear as manly as ever.

[Thanas]

Dallas.

[General Zod]

I'm kind of torn between Korban Dallas and McClane, but I've got to go with Dallas simply for his mojo factor.

[phred]

Lieutenant Waters

I gotta go with Dallas. If anything, that orange shirt makes him more awesome.

[Themightytom]

I see we aren't going to include Harry Stamper and his skill with a big wrench..

[Havok]

So much wrong in one thread. Please, come up with a scenario that McClane doesn't will, jury rigg, and innovate his way out of.

After that, it is Hudson Hawk then Butch.

[Themightytom]

So much wrong in one thread. Please, come up with a scenario that McClane doesn't will, jury rigg, and innovate his way out of.

After that, it is Hudson Hawk then Butch.

One Versus Korban Dallas obviously... don't make me steal your icon again.

[Razor One]

The others have been picked off and it's Korben Dallas and John McClane left to go head to head.

The two beat the snot out of each other, call for a truce, then team up against whatever malevolent force has pitted them against each other.

Afterwards the entire Earth is destroyed, simply because that much awesome cannot physically exist in the universe for long without dire consequences.