PLANET-DISSOLVING DUST CLOUD IS HEADED TOWARD EARTH!
Monday September 12, 2005
By MIKE FOSTER
CAMBRIDGE, Mass. -- Scared-stiff astronomers have detected a mysterious mass they've dubbed a "chaos cloud" that dissolves everything in its path, including comets, asteroids, planets and entire stars -- and it's headed directly toward Earth!
Discovered April 6 by NASA's Chandra X-ray Observatory, the swirling, 10 million-mile- wide cosmic dust cloud has been likened to an "acid nebula" and is hurtling toward us at close to the speed of light -- making its estimated time of arrival 9:15 a.m. EDT on June 1, 2014.
"The good news is that this finding confirms several cutting- edge ideas in theoretical physics," announced Dr. Albert Sherwinski, a Cambridge based astrophysicist with close ties to NASA.
"The bad news is that the total annihilation of our solar system is imminent."
Experts believe the chaos cloud is composed of particles spawned near the event horizon of a black hole (a form of what's called Hawking Radiation) that have been distorted by mangled information spewed from the hole.
"A super-massive black hole lies about 28,000 light-years from Earth at the center of our galaxy," explained Dr. Sherwinski.
"Last year the eminent physicist Stephen Hawking revised his theory of black holes -- which previously held that nothing could escape the hole's powerful gravitational field. He demonstrated that information about objects that have been sucked in can be emitted in mangled form.
"It now appears that mangled information can distort matter.
"Just imagine our galaxy the Milky Way as a beautiful, handwritten letter.
"Now imagine pouring a glass of water on the paper and watching the words dissolve as the stain spreads. That's what the chaos cloud does to every star or planet it encounters."
To avoid widespread panic, NASA has declined to make the alarming discovery public. But Dr. Sherwinski's contacts at the agency's Chandra X-ray Observatory leaked to him striking images of the newly discovered chaos cloud obliterating a large asteroid.
"It's like watching a helpless hog being dissolved in a vat of acid," one NASA scientist told Dr. Sherwinski.
Ordinarily, Hawkings Radiation is harmless.
"It's produced when an electron- positron pair are at the event horizon of a black hole," Dr. Sherwinski explained. "The intense curvature of space-time of the hole can cause the positron to fall in, while the electron escapes."
But when "infected" by mangled information from the black hole, the particles become a chaos cloud, which in turn mangles everything it touches.
"If it continues unchecked, the chaos cloud will eventually reduce our galaxy to the state of absolute chaos that existed before the birth of the universe," the astrophysicist warned.
Some scientists say mankind's best hope would be to build a "space ark" and hightail it to the Andromeda Galaxy, 2.1 million light-years away.
"We wouldn't be able to save the entire human population, but perhaps the best and the brightest," observed British rocket scientist Dr. David Hall, when asked about the feasibility of such a project.
But even if such a craft could be built in time, evacuating Earth might prove fruitless if theories about the origin of the chaos cloud are correct.
"A black hole at the center of Andromeda is about 15 times the size of the one in our own galaxy," Dr. Sherwinski noted. "It might be like jumping out of the frying pan into the fire."
Speaking under the condition of anonymity, a senior White House official said the president's top science advisors are taking the findings in stride.
"This is a lot like global warming, where the jury is still out on whether it's real or not," said the official.
"The existence of this so called chaos cloud is only a theory. Americans shouldn't panic until all the facts are in.
Wow. Evidently, Yahoo News will run just about anything...
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Wow. Evidently, Yahoo News will run just about anything...
Why the hell are they pulling articles from the Weekly World News?
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Ok, so this chaos cloud thing is supposedly several light years away from us (will arrive in 2014, traveling at near light speed) yet we have taken images of it "dissolving" an asteroid.To avoid widespread panic, NASA has declined to make the alarming discovery public. But Dr. Sherwinski's contacts at the agency's Chandra X-ray Observatory leaked to him striking images of the newly discovered chaos cloud obliterating a large asteroid.
"It's like watching a helpless hog being dissolved in a vat of acid," one NASA scientist told Dr. Sherwinski.
ROFLMAO
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Though, is it really possible for an 'acid nebula' to exist?
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Holy fuck! We're all gonna DIE!!!
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FOR L. RON HUBBARD!Davis 51 wrote:Holy fuck! We're all gonna DIE!!!
Quickly, my brothers! We must all pray to the almighty Xenu so he protect us!
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Put it this way, in the one in a bazillion chance that this actually happens (which is generous, I think its one in at least fifty bazillion), the people who are right about this won't survive long enough to throw it in our faces.
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Heretic! Only Jebus can save us from the chaos cloud. I blame Voyager, they should have patched up the event horizon rift...Davis 51 wrote:Holy fuck! We're all gonna DIE!!!
Quickly, my brothers! We must all pray to the almighty Xenu so he protect us!
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Funny, though.
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You mean Jim T. Kirk! He's fought killer clouds before and won after all . . .CJvR wrote:Heretic! Only Jebus can save us from the chaos cloud. I blame Voyager, they should have patched up the event horizon rift...Davis 51 wrote:Holy fuck! We're all gonna DIE!!!
Quickly, my brothers! We must all pray to the almighty Xenu so he protect us!
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But... massive cloud of... something that dissolves stars. Moving at the speed of light. But must have enough gravity to keep the cloud together... *head explodes*
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Lets Sends the Enterprise-D, Picard will save us...
Picard: Give me a scan, what is that object
Data: The object is a highly corrosive phased meta-energy field, it is eminiating from a central source, an event horizon.
Picard: Can we dissolve it.
Laforge: I Believe so, if we repolarize the main power conduits and saturate the power field and run it through the main deflector.
*A Field of energy runs from the deflector dish.. but the cloud hasnt dissolved.
Riker: What the hell...
Troi: I sense some intelligence...
* Hailing frequencies open automatically and an anime loking woman comes up.*
Anime woman: Your planet will be dissolved, in the man of KIO--KAHN!!
Picard: This is captain Jean Luc-Picard of the USS Enterprise, identify yourself.
Anime woman: I am Katrina..
Picard: Well Katrina you cannot destroy our planet, the ramifications of that will be far-reaching.
Data: Captain, according to Starfleet Scientific Records, this is possibly the same Katrina that attack the city that was once New Orleans back in the 21th century before we became a one world government.
Picard: We can negotiate...
Katrina: I must find the one who killed my people with his technobabble non-sense. His name is DarkStar
Worf: This darkstar who is he
Data: DarkStar was a person who was known as Robert Scott Anderson,...he was the enemy of a SD.Net, a primitive BBS system that was used by people who didn't have lives...
Picard: Hail earth...* hailing frequencies open to the empire of SD.NET* Do you know a darkstar...
SD.NET empire: YES AND WE HAVE HIM!! *He beams him to Katrina cloud*
Katrina: I have you, you shall pay,( Darkstar is thrown outside the cloud and suffocates and dies)
Everyone on earth: WERE SAVED!!
Picard: Give me a scan, what is that object
Data: The object is a highly corrosive phased meta-energy field, it is eminiating from a central source, an event horizon.
Picard: Can we dissolve it.
Laforge: I Believe so, if we repolarize the main power conduits and saturate the power field and run it through the main deflector.
*A Field of energy runs from the deflector dish.. but the cloud hasnt dissolved.
Riker: What the hell...
Troi: I sense some intelligence...
* Hailing frequencies open automatically and an anime loking woman comes up.*
Anime woman: Your planet will be dissolved, in the man of KIO--KAHN!!
Picard: This is captain Jean Luc-Picard of the USS Enterprise, identify yourself.
Anime woman: I am Katrina..
Picard: Well Katrina you cannot destroy our planet, the ramifications of that will be far-reaching.
Data: Captain, according to Starfleet Scientific Records, this is possibly the same Katrina that attack the city that was once New Orleans back in the 21th century before we became a one world government.
Picard: We can negotiate...
Katrina: I must find the one who killed my people with his technobabble non-sense. His name is DarkStar
Worf: This darkstar who is he
Data: DarkStar was a person who was known as Robert Scott Anderson,...he was the enemy of a SD.Net, a primitive BBS system that was used by people who didn't have lives...
Picard: Hail earth...* hailing frequencies open to the empire of SD.NET* Do you know a darkstar...
SD.NET empire: YES AND WE HAVE HIM!! *He beams him to Katrina cloud*
Katrina: I have you, you shall pay,( Darkstar is thrown outside the cloud and suffocates and dies)
Everyone on earth: WERE SAVED!!
You wanna set an example Garak....Use him, Let him Die!!
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Who's been letting Yahoo news huff paint...again?!
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