The truth behind my hijab

[PainRack]

http://felixiayeap.blogspot.sg/2013/12/ ... hijab.html

Yes, I was a Playboy Bunny (and sometimes, every now and then, still get imported out of the country for appearances at Playboy official events and happenings all over the world)...
I posed for Playboy Philippines magazine before (but not naked), which made me the THIRD Malaysian woman ever to be posing for Playboy magazine after beauty queen Jacinta Lee in 1986, and top model Amber Chia in 2006...
....and besides Playboy...I model for car shows in racy race queen outfits...
....appeared front cover and featured in FHMs both local and foreign...
...done shoots in lingerie, bikinis and attires that are not exactly meant to protect my modesty...

...and I think I probably am considered or publicly categorized as one of the "hot and sexy" models in Malaysia...
...but really, all these achievements got me thinking of a woman's worth.
I believe I am more worthy than showing off my body.

I am MORE than this.

And I don't feel proud if any of those attention or fame seeking model wannabes out there look at me as idol or role model.
I don't want you to be blaming me when your career is pretty much done and you feel empty, used, lost and hollow after all those exposures and exploitations.

Honestly speaking...I am doing quite well in managing my modelling career besides having a portfolio that includes international exposures and recognitions...
....but I am slowing down, slowly.

I yearn for more to life than this.

I KNOW there is more to life than this.

And honestly, I had never asked for fame, dramas, marrying some rich guy and brag about wealth and all...

NO...

I was really just passionate about posing in front of camera and strutting down the runway.

Yeah...I do admit I like bags, cars and jewelries...but I don't ask for much, and I am never a collector or trend chasing kinda girl...I am happy enough to own one Chanel classic bag that I used years to save up for (which is a vintage, by the way, not brand new)...and that's all...I am sated...any extra Chanel bags would be an extra blessing...

I am happy enough to able to own a car on my own... (which is slowly breaking down, and I am the third hand owner of)...

I am even happy enough to be able to stay in a studio unit of less than 500sqft which I am moving in, soon...

And due to my career as a model...I got used and played by men who only look for fun instead of a wife for marriage...I crumbled times, after times...I picked up myself just to crumble all over again...

Why??

Because I was never the one looking for fun when I fall in love, or when I allow myself to fall in love...despite of my image and how I look and how people assume me as.

Because of the way I was always portrayed for work purposes, people assume that I am a party person who drinks, smokes and do casual sex.

Which I strictly DON'T.

I have always been someone who believes in happily-ever-after and that one true love who would be my hero 'til-death-do-us-part-and-beyond, protector, guidance, a great father of my future child, a husband to a beautiful, loving marriage and most importantly, love me enough to take me away from all these nightmares that are repeating themselves...

I was naive...and unfortunately I still am.

And then, I started to look for something deeper...a religion, a God, a better way of living life.

I wanted to cover myself up more...be respected and known for who I am inside...not for how much flesh I am showing outside...

I fell in love with traditional Malay baju kurungs due to the fact that they are really comfortable to wear...and the first time I put on a hijab was when I went for local telco company TVC casting...

...and I looked at myself, and I feel liberated...I feel so happy and protected...I feel safe...



...and it almost made me cry when I looked into the mirror with that very blue little hijab.

I feel special, and deserving.

And then during Hari Raya this year, I was modeling for a Muslimah boutique fashion show...and I was so happy to be able to cover up myself and put on the hijab again...

Then secretly I realized...that I actually longed for it.




As much as I am proud of my modeling portfolio and achievements both local and international...I am also proud that I am insaf, peaceful and more toned down now.

That I am heading towards a better way of living life.




Like every human beings, I like beautiful things in life.
If a religion could show me the beauty of life and living, why not try to understand it? Why detest it just because a few confused racists and extremists try to twist things around?
Are they in the religion to begin with?

Are they rightful enough or greater themselves to judge another human being?

Well...unless they are Gods.
Which...based on how they curse, insult and behave...I wouldn't think so.
They are the ones who make this religion that I am trying to learn and understand look more beautiful and peaceful.
And...I feel sorry and fear for what their religions have taught them.

Yet, I am also really happy to be able to inspire people, make them analyse themselves and remind them of their religions...at least, in the path of trying to learn something good and be a better person, I actually did something good to the society too.

On the side note, recently I started practising a pescetarian diet and way of eating too...because I want to stop eating meat of other living beings...although I still keep a minimal intake of fish and seafood in my diet.

I guess I feel much better, and more of myself now.




Long gone are those days when I was bleached blonde, always sexy and wild looking, and trying to blend in with the rest of the modeling crowd. That was never really who I am.

That's me running around feeling lost and looking for the wrong people to be with.

Now, if people think I am weird to be a non-Muslim model covering herself up, so be it.

Because in the end of the day, I would be the one answering to the consequences of my life, and not any of those people who can't accept me.

And in the end of the day, I would be the one answering to my God, whichever religion I choose to commit to, by then.

Excuse the formatting, the author was posting on blogspot with pictures and the sentence structure/paragraphs are her own.

I just wished to post something about how certain women viewed the hijab. To them, the hijab is more akin to the same stance that feminists viewed on discarding bras. A form of...... protection/statement against the overt sexualisation of women, especially in the Western world.


Let's set the table straight. The Hijab is not the burqa, which is overtly restrictive. Traditionally, the hijab was viewed as a veil, seperating men and women from each other in the public sphere. The Quran statements regarding it marks the hijab as the mark of distinction between Muslim believers and non believers and a form of allowing women to demonstrate their modesty.

We can never remove the cultural baggage from the Hijab through outright suppression. Yes. The Hijab is a symbol of suppression, of female submission to men. It seeks to cover up women sexuality and its expression, denying a means of living themselves.


HOWEVER, does this mean that the Hijab as a symbol should be outright oppressed? There is an alternative viewpoint to the Hijab prevalent in more Westernised muslim countries. The blogger in question is a model, who began inching towards the Muslim faith this year. Her viewpoints are that of a convert, and is also one shared by many muslims brought up in the faith in more modernised countries.


Should this..... representation of the hijab be allowed to subplace the oppressive nature of the burqa ? Is it any more.... wrong than say women discarding bras and wearing asexual clothes as a form of protest against the overt sexuality of women? Afterall, if we remove the forced conformity of the Hijab, allowing only women who wish to adopt this as a symbol, would that be wrong? A more liberal interpretation of Hijab, say one when the women chooses to don the Hijab and its context only when they choose to, yet, are free to display their sexuality in clothes and expression if they choose to is already present here.

Or is the cultural baggage of the Hijab simply too heavy to be discarded, the force of oppression it has become too tainted for an alternative viewpoint to ever truly flourish, a symbol that would be impossible for feminism to co-exist with?

[Guardsman Bass]

I don't have any problems with women choosing to wear the head cover, if that's what they choose and as long as they can take it off when they choose. I believe in free expression of attire, from nudity to full covering (barring public safety concerns). I don't think this conflicts with feminism.

That said, I do wonder about the claims that it somehow represents a "statement" against sexualization. It seems more like giving in, believing that sexualization is going to happen and all you can do is try to cover yourself against it. It's like warning women not to drink at parties lest they get raped, instead of focusing on telling people not to rape or sexualize to an objectifying level. I've heard that kind of victim-blaming is common in conservative muslim countries, too - the idea that men are "beasts" who can't be expected to control themselves if they see a beautiful women exposed, so it's on women to cover themselves up.

[Replicant]

I don't have any problems with women choosing to wear the head cover, if that's what they choose and as long as they can take it off when they choose.

So as long as you brainwash muslim women into "wanting" to act a certain way and dress a certain way so that its their "choice" then its all good?

Is it really their choice when they have had it beaten into their skull for their entire life that wearing it is the right thing to do.

[Guardsman Bass]

Are you arguing that it's okay to specifically forbid them from wearing it? Because there's nothing fundamentally wrong with choosing to cover your head or hair as a fashion choice - it used to be much more common with both men and women in the US.

I pointed out in my second paragraph that it's okay as long as they can take it off when they choose, and as long as they aren't being victim-blamed/shamed into wearing it. I'd be skeptical about the idea that wearing the hijab is a "free choice" in most muslim countries.

[Alyrium Denryle]

I don't have any problems with women choosing to wear the head cover, if that's what they choose and as long as they can take it off when they choose.

So as long as you brainwash muslim women into "wanting" to act a certain way and dress a certain way so that its their "choice" then its all good?

Is it really their choice when they have had it beaten into their skull for their entire life that wearing it is the right thing to do.

Congratulations. You have just nullified virtually all choice regarding adherence to various social and cultural mores.

I do admit, I do have the benefit of being at a university with one of the highest proportions of muslim students in the country. Including many muslim women who come from every muslim country. I have had the pleasure of having them in the classes I teach, and getting to know a number of them.

Islam is categorically not a monolithic religion. Opinion on the hijab and other coverings varies from it simply being an outward demonstration of religious faith like a cross is to a christian, to being a ritual purity thing they need to do like a jewish Kippah that they then proceed to own and make theirs, to being a statement about the over-sexualization of women, all the way over to deeply held misogyny grounded in religious beliefs.

So maybe, instead of passing judgement on a billion people, you should *gasp* talk to them.

[Replicant]

I don't have any problems with women choosing to wear the head cover, if that's what they choose and as long as they can take it off when they choose.

So as long as you brainwash muslim women into "wanting" to act a certain way and dress a certain way so that its their "choice" then its all good?

Is it really their choice when they have had it beaten into their skull for their entire life that wearing it is the right thing to do.

Congratulations. You have just nullified virtually all choice regarding adherence to various social and cultural mores.

I do admit, I do have the benefit of being at a university with one of the highest proportions of muslim students in the country. Including many muslim women who come from every muslim country. I have had the pleasure of having them in the classes I teach, and getting to know a number of them.

Islam is categorically not a monolithic religion. Opinion on the hijab and other coverings varies from it simply being an outward demonstration of religious faith like a cross is to a christian, to being a ritual purity thing they need to do like a jewish Kippah that they then proceed to own and make theirs, to being a statement about the over-sexualization of women, all the way over to deeply held misogyny grounded in religious beliefs.

So maybe, instead of passing judgement on a billion people, you should *gasp* talk to them.

I was not passing judgment on anyone. I was pointing out the obvious that its hard to say its personal choice when that choice happens to coincide with a cultural, social, or religious more that has been pushed since childhood.

But then I am also a person that firmly believes that no one younger than a teenager (and even that is pushing it) should be taken into a religious setting (church, sunday school, etc) because at that age you are not teaching them, you are indoctrinating and brainwashing them.

As I once asked a long time ago in another forum, why is love-bombing wrong when a cult does it to a new member, but fine when your local church does it to someone new that walks in the door?

[PainRack]

That said, I do wonder about the claims that it somehow represents a "statement" against sexualization. It seems more like giving in, believing that sexualization is going to happen and all you can do is try to cover yourself against it. It's like warning women not to drink at parties lest they get raped, instead of focusing on telling people not to rape or sexualize to an objectifying level. I've heard that kind of victim-blaming is common in conservative muslim countries, too - the idea that men are "beasts" who can't be expected to control themselves if they see a beautiful women exposed, so it's on women to cover themselves up.

The.... range of opinions amongst those who espouse such views are too varied to be so simply defined.

They go from anywhere between the Medieval 'Women are succubus tempting men" to "Women inflame men passions deliberately", and from the other end, "Women and Men should comport themselves properly without sex tempting men".

And of course, as the author shows, there are those who do view it as a form of modesty/dignity, since it shows they DON"T have to conform to men views/demands on sexuality. Again, women throwing away bras in the sixties.

As it is, the Hijab from the Quran was a command against the overt sexuality in the region and as a sign to demonstrate Muslim believers and the Prophet wives. It rapidly took on additional connotations as the hadith shows, which leads to male sexual discrimination....

I pointed out in my second paragraph that it's okay as long as they can take it off when they choose, and as long as they aren't being victim-blamed/shamed into wearing it. I'd be skeptical about the idea that wearing the hijab is a "free choice" in most muslim countries.

Define 'free choice'. Its actually possible to show how the Hajib is a fashion choice in Turkey, Egypt and other parts of the Middle East. There's definitely norming and a religious obligation thrown into it but how much does this take away from 'free choice'?


Still, that is part of the reason I'm opening this thread for discussion. The hajib as a symbol can take on other meanings, one that's consistently more liberal and more female rights friendly. However, is the cultural and religious baggage simply too heavy for it to become one?

[Guardsman Bass]

I misspoke when I said most muslim countries.

[Replicant]

Define 'free choice'. Its actually possible to show how the Hajib is a fashion choice in Turkey, Egypt and other parts of the Middle East. There's definitely norming and a religious obligation thrown into it but how much does this take away from 'free choice'?


Still, that is part of the reason I'm opening this thread for discussion. The hajib as a symbol can take on other meanings, one that's consistently more liberal and more female rights friendly. However, is the cultural and religious baggage simply too heavy for it to become one?

If one was to try and argue that it has become a fashion choice and women chose it for that reason in certain places then like all fashion trends it should change, fade away, and return as everything does in the fashion world.

[Thanas]

I have no problem with it except in positions where secularization is essential, like in a court room or public offices.

[krakonfour]

If one was to try and argue that it has become a fashion choice and women chose it for that reason in certain places then like all fashion trends it should change, fade away, and return as everything does in the fashion world.

I invite you to discover the huge variety of hijabs available today! Dozens of ways to wear them for multiple meanings and messages!

The hijab is as much a fashion trend for the people that wear it as shoes are for you. Shoes change, fade away and return, right?

[Replicant]

If one was to try and argue that it has become a fashion choice and women chose it for that reason in certain places then like all fashion trends it should change, fade away, and return as everything does in the fashion world.

I invite you to discover the huge variety of hijabs available today! Dozens of ways to wear them for multiple meanings and messages!

The hijab is as much a fashion trend for the people that wear it as shoes are for you. Shoes change, fade away and return, right?

Styles do, but shoes in and of themselves are a functional necessity of modern life. A hijab is not.

[krakonfour]

Styles do, but shoes in and of themselves are a functional necessity of modern life. A hijab is not.

AFAIK, a third of the world goes barefoot without a problem.
Seriously, what I'm trying to do here is make you understand that these people see hijabs as an essential part of their outfit, much like you wouldn't go outside without your shoes, they'd feel uncomfortable without their hijab.

[Simon_Jester]

Maybe a better analogy would be bras. Most women in the developed world feel the need to wear a bra, for a number of reasons, some of them related to practical comfort, and some of them related to modesty. A woman might consider not wearing one, but it's considered a bit scandalous in some circles, and very few women see it as a matter of principle not to wear one.

But we pretty much take it for granted that any given girl will start wearing a bra when she hits puberty, as a general cultural assumption, even if we're willing to accept individual exceptions to that rule.

[B5B7]

I was naive...and unfortunately I still am.

And then, I started to look for something deeper...a religion, a God, a better way of living life.

I wanted to cover myself up more...be respected and known for who I am inside...not for how much flesh I am showing outside...

I fell in love with traditional Malay baju kurungs due to the fact that they are really comfortable to wear...and the first time I put on a hijab was when I went for local telco company TVC casting...

...and I looked at myself, and I feel liberated...I feel so happy and protected...I feel safe...

She admits herself, that this covering clothing is a way of hiding herself from the world. She was prompted by fear. She didn't truly freely choose, but had disquiet about her life and the way others [specifically men, she strangely never mentions other women's reactions (excluding "model wannabes")] saw her.

[madd0ct0r]

I wear leather jackets and steel toe cap boots because the weight and colour make me feel protected and safe.

Is this a reason not to wear them?

[Dr. Trainwreck]

Moreover, she's a Playboy bunny. Just ask yourselves, what is that phrase associated with? She implies it makes people think of 'slut'. I don't consider it weird that she doesn't want people thinking of her that way. All this is normal to me, and the hijab is just another thing that is worn in some countries horrible sign of Moozlem brainwashing. Where's the harm here?

[PainRack]

She admits herself, that this covering clothing is a way of hiding herself from the world. She was prompted by fear. She didn't truly freely choose, but had disquiet about her life and the way others [specifically men, she strangely never mentions other women's reactions (excluding "model wannabes")] saw her.

There's some other statements on her facebook which seems to suggest that its a relief from having to play up to a sexual image.
*Shrugs* Maybe there's some baggage there but who knows?

I think the question should be whether the hijab as such a symbol is an acceptable one or is there way too much historical baggage associated with it.....

[Grumman]

I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with wanting to wear a hijab. I think it can look quite cute, so I can definitely see how a woman might wear one just as a fashion item.

[Broomstick]

I have no problem with it except in positions where secularization is essential, like in a court room or public offices.

I'm not sure, exactly, how a religiously motivated head scarf interferes with a court room or public office. Yes, it can be a statement of religious affiliation, but so can various types of jewelry. Advertising religious membership is probably better than concealing it while in public office so voters can know that religion can be a factor in how the person will conduct him or herself. While I would argue that a judge should base his or her decisions solely on secular law I don't see where plaintiffs and defendants wearing head scarves would be an issue.

Of course, I'm talking about the head scarf that basically covers the hair and neck, not the face. Covering/obscuring the face is more of an issue in Western societies, and only getting more so with more and more requirements for photo ID. That's a problem for more than just Muslim women who want to go veiled.

Muslim women are not the only ones who cover their head/hair out of religious obligation, but the other large group in the US who do this tend to utilize either more Western varieties of head covering or simply use wigs so they don't stand out as obviously, practices they brought with them when they left Europe for North America.

Styles do, but shoes in and of themselves are a functional necessity of modern life. A hijab is not.

AFAIK, a third of the world goes barefoot without a problem.

I dare you to try barefoot this time of year in my neighborhood. Shoes have been a feature of this climate for as long as people have lived here.

[Thanas]

I have no problem with it except in positions where secularization is essential, like in a court room or public offices.

I'm not sure, exactly, how a religiously motivated head scarf interferes with a court room or public office. Yes, it can be a statement of religious affiliation, but so can various types of jewelry. Advertising religious membership is probably better than concealing it while in public office so voters can know that religion can be a factor in how the person will conduct him or herself. While I would argue that a judge should base his or her decisions solely on secular law I don't see where plaintiffs and defendants wearing head scarves would be an issue.

If you get a judge or lawyer wearing religious garb if might violate the religious neutrality part. For example, if you are someone who is haunted by religious fundies and you see an official of the court wearing religious headgear or religious symbol it is not going to fill you with confidence that said person will be neutral in his or her duties. Same with politicians.

As for defendants or plaintiffs, they can wear what they like. They were excluded by my statement anyway.