Begin!

RETCONNED.

---

"Don't fuck with The Mess. Unless you've been there, done that, and have the t-shirt, shut your cakehole." - Me
"By the Blood of Sanguinius" - Blood Angels Battlecry
"The enemies of the Emperor fear many things. They fear discovery, defeat, despair and death. Yet there is one thing they fear above all others. They fear the wrath of the Space Marines." - Anonymous
"This can't be good" - Sherriff Jack Carter

SOFIA
Shroomanian Office - Fungal Intelligence Agency

The Director interlaced his fingers as he looked eagerly at the telescreen.

"Yes?"

"Our operative has completed his mission and I must say, he certainly has performed far beyond our expectations. Not only did he contact the FIFA and coordinate with the Shadow resistance in preparing the way for the FUN's airstrikes, but thanks to him, we now know that Emperor Shady is alive and well."

"Indeed he has. I trust that you have the records..."

"I have. I've saved his mission data, up to the completion of his final objective."

"Which was?"

"The elimination of Minister Stojkovic, one of the coup conspirators. It wasn't in the original parameters, but our man had to improvise on-the-spot."

"The situation is under control, then?"

"It is, sir."

"Good. Debrief our man when he's finished rendezvousing with the Shadow WITCH and give him an award or something, a medal - I'm sure saving the Shadow Empire is worth at least that much."

"I will, sir."

Director John Baylor killed the telescreen, picked his cellphone up, and dialed the Prime Minister's number.

"Good evening, Prime Minister."

"Yes, sir. The situation is under control. I'm sure you've received the FUN Force reports, but I've got other news as well... intelligence. Something you won't receive from your men in the SAF."

"What is it? Well, I am certain that you'll be pleased to know that our man has taken out one of the coup's co-conspirators, a Minister Stojkovic."

"Yes, it is good news, sir. It will save us a considerable amount of time. No need for a trail when all that's left to do is to tag and bag a body."

"Speaking of bodies, sir, it is also my pleasure to report to you that Emperor Shady is alive and well."

"Yes sir, he is. He apparently went into hiding after the assassination attempt, for reasons unknown. No doubt he had a cunning plan."

"Indeed. I'm sure he had good reason to disappear and give his opponents time to marshal their forces. I'm sure it was part of his plan to allow his nation to plunge into a devastating Civil War."

"You were right, of course. These Shadows are... certainly very unpredictable. We'll be keeping a closer eye on them - for all our safety's sakes."

"Thank you, Prime Minister. I shall keep you apprised of the situation."

*click*

---

shroom is a lovely boy and i wont hear a bad word against him - LUSY-CHAN!
Shit! Man, I didn't think of that! It took Shroom to properly interpret the screams of dying people - PeZook
Shroom, I read out the stuff you write about us. You are an endless supply of morale down here. :p - an OWS street medic
Pink Sugar Heart Attack!

Location: Shadow Empire, Capital City Sarajevo, Improvised command center near the ruins of the imperial palace

[Elena] My lord, we have rounded up the remaining rebel officers.

[Emperor Shady] All of them.

[Elena] Yes my lord. What shall be done with them?

[Shady] Execute them.

[Elena] Consider it done. *smiles*

[Elena] I still can't believe we won.

[Shady] Yes, we won. But at what price? The cities are in ruin. So many dead.

[Shady] I want a detailed report of the damage.

[Elena] I will put someone on it, immediately.

[Elena] My lord there is something else.

[Shady] What?

[Elena] You know how everyone thought you were dead?

[Shady] Yes. What about it?

[Elena] Well now that you are alive again, it appears that the people have begun worshiping you as a God.

[Shady] Really...

[Elena] They call you the God Emperor.

[Shady] That sounds good.

[Elena] What should we do about it?

[Shady] Let them believe what they want, it works in our favor. If it grows we will make it the official religion of the empire.

[Shady] And, Elena inform the world leaders that i am alive and have restored control of the empire, we wouldn't want anyone else to attack us.

[Elena] Yes my lord.

Baernish Ducal Staff
Personal Communique
File PC-17

FROM: His Grace Duke James of Baerne
TO: His Imperial Majesty Emperor Shady of the Shadow Empire

You have my personal, as well as official congratulations on your speedy recovery from the usually fatal condition of being dead. I am, however, puzzled by the reports of a cult of personality growing within the Shadow Empire. In light of recent events in Libertopia and on Old Earth, it strikes me that to allow such a "religion" to continue risks it's perversion into...something unpredictable.

James of Baerne

---

Conversion Table:

2000 Mockingbirds = 2 Kilomockingbirds
Basic Unit of Laryngitis = 1 Hoarsepower
453.6 Graham Crackers = 1 Pound Cake
1 Kilogram of Falling Figs - 1 Fig Newton
Time Between Slipping on a Banana Peel and Smacking the Pavement = 1 Bananosecond
Half of a Large Intestine = 1 Semicolon

Imperial Staff
Personal Communique
File XX-01

FROM:His Imperial Majesty Emperor Shady of the Shadow Empire
TO:His Grace Duke James of Baerne

Many thanks my friend. I would like to personally thank you for your assistance in dealing with the rebel scum. I assure your Grace that this Cult is not a threat, the people are merely happy that their emperor has returned from the dead.

The Battalion
LSRMC to order 50 F-35Bs from Northray
It's been announced that the Lone Star Republic Marine Corps will be ordering 50 F-35Bs from the Tian Xia corporation Northray over the next two years. The STOVL craft will be operated off the CSGNs and potentially the LHD vessels in the LSRN. The planes will be manufactured under license at the North Texas Aviation Plant in Fort Worth, and the 1st Expeditionary Air Wing will be based at NAS JRB Fort Worth(Carswell Field).
LSR begins draw down in Adrianopolis
The 2nd Air Defense Wing will be returning to Dyess Air Force Base by the end of the month, a DoD spokeswoman confirmed. Two squadrons from the 1st Air Defense Wing at Lackland Air Force base will take over the roll, bringing the number of F-16Es deployed in support of Operation Defend Liberty down to 25.

San Antonio Business Journal
PLUTO3 Completed
The PLUTO3(PipeLine Under The Ocean 3) project between Wilkonia and the LSR is complete, and will begin operations on Monday. Said the SWP&E Program Manager "Our experience with the PLUTO2[with Tian Xia] allowed us to quickly build the pipes across the ocean floor, avoiding the need to re-invent the wheel".

The PLUTO projects have led to increased petroleum exports for the LSR, causing Humble Oil and SWP&E stocks to surge.

BBC Reports
BBC File Photo:The Remains of wrecked cars in the fighting in the Shadow Empire


"This is the BBC News update. In this hour we have stories from the Shadow Empire's civil war, an exclusive interview with some key figures in that conflict and a retrospective."

"First some basic facts, the Shadow Empire conflict is estimated to have cost between one point eight billion to three point one billion dollars worth of economic damage to the country. Two major power stationed were destroyed in the conflict, shops were wrecked pirate auto-mo-cars were burned or destroyed during the street battles. The entire Shadow Empire air defense network has been destroyed, radar's and launchers both. What little the country had in armor or IFV's are now little bettle than scrap metal, and it's estimated that over twenty thousand small arms, crew serviced weapons, mortars, soldier fired rockets and other light weapons have ended up as lost or even now showing up on the International Arms marketed."

"The International Atlantis Studies group estimated that between eleven thousand to eighteen thousand people died in the fighting, along with an addition forty thousand people wounded, International Aid is already outpouring from several different countries including private donates most notably from UKB, Shroomia, Pezookia and several prominent businessmen in the Red Technocracy"


"With more on this story were joined here by Dr Aasif Mandvi, Senior War corespondent for the BBC's "That Was The Week That Was" Lets go now to Dr Mandvi"

------------
August 31th 2010
Secure Channel, to UKB State Department Atlantis Office

It is agreed? President Shinra wants a meeting?

He does, 1300 tomorrow. How deeply does his Majesty want to bring in the President on this?

All the way, Ensure the Armistice meeting room is swept and ready for the meeting.

The Armistice room?

This is exactly why we built that room

Security?

Standard, the President brings anyone he likes to the first floor.
Only three security personnel to the Armistice room.
One monitor to ensure the room is clean plus two body-guards.
The same for his Majesty, the monitor's leave and the two speak.

Suites or Kukri's?

Kukri's

Yes Minster

Also inform Director Granger that we need a full folder copy of the report to bring to the meeting.
--------------------------
Riverhome, August 31st 2010
Call Between HGKBVI and Minster of State Koji
TS/REC--August 31st Meeting Transcript--TS/REC
[Koji]He has agreed to the meeting

[Blackadder VI]Good, this is a gamble you know?

[Koji]My department remains confident that a face to face talk is the best solution

[Blackadder VI]Will the documents be prepared?

[Koji]I've already called the director

[Blackadder VI]Your opinion about the recommendation from Horace?

[Koji]I disagree, keep it about Saddamstian, that's enough of an issue without adding IRON MOUNTAIN into the mix

[Blackadder VI]I agree, when we finally break that on the world, it's likely to make the whole world go nuts. But I like the idea of letting the Mess in on it. If nothing else to show we've been compensationg for the conventional military draw-down.

[Koji]It is sufficient that all of OMSK knows of it, half the usefulness of that program is a first strike as the CNO tells us.

[Blackadder VI]I suppose your right

[Koji]Besides with the wraps off IRON MOUNTAIN, the ability to ensure Saddamstain's neutralization goes off the table. Let the Mess fleets patrol off the coast for all the good it will do in a conflict when we have it on our side.

[Blackadder VI]You've convinced me, make sure we have the hard copy of that intel that set of Saddam the Great to begin with. I don't think he'd believe me otherwise.

[Koji]I'm make sure of that

[Blackadder VI]Where is the meeting being held?

[Koji]Armistice

[Blackadder VI]I thought we were saving that for Saddam?

[Koji]Were better to make the case to the President?


[Blackadder VI]A point, all right as usual I thank you for your ever efficent service Minster, have a good night.

[Koji]I still have a few phone calls to make, but good nice your Grace. Good luck tomorrow, we may need it.

Baernish MinState
Multiple Files

File BMS-24

The Shadow Empire has ever been a friend to the Sovereign Duchy of Baerne, and your current devastated state saddens His Grace's Govenment. If there is anything at all we can do to help-such as providing food aid, industrial supplies, or replacement fighters, that last at a very reasonable price, feel free to let us know.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

File PC-18

FROM: His Grace Duke James of Baerne
TO: His Imperial Majesty Emperor Shady of the Shadow Empire

As long as you are sure that this cult won't turn in unexpected, potentially dangerous directions.

---

Conversion Table:

2000 Mockingbirds = 2 Kilomockingbirds
Basic Unit of Laryngitis = 1 Hoarsepower
453.6 Graham Crackers = 1 Pound Cake
1 Kilogram of Falling Figs - 1 Fig Newton
Time Between Slipping on a Banana Peel and Smacking the Pavement = 1 Bananosecond
Half of a Large Intestine = 1 Semicolon

Colin: "So what have our construction crews done so far?"
Star: Well they have an Airship port constructed, and should have enough of the older ships, and flying boats in place to begin sinking them inplace, and constructing a pontoon extention out into the bay, So that our port/airport facility won't be taking up too much of The Empire's land."

Colin: Erm, Star, where the fuck did you get the ships to build a pontoon extension?
Star: Well we've been capturing not sinking the low grade pirate vessels that we've encountered, and for the most part, our own merchant ships made it through the devestation of pirate's bay, much better then the facilities to maintain and repair them. We got a few ships that were pushed heavily inland repaired enough to scuttle them. By the end of the year we should have a ship port for cargo and refueling in the shadow empire, and within a month we should have the hangers and warehouses up. It will take another six months for the leveling, the clearing of the debris, and pouring new concrete for the new airfield to be able to handle a proper Loadmaster, 777, or Heracles II

Colin: So any other nefarious schemes for the shadows?
Star: Well the port facility even if it's only for shipping and refueling/rearming our helos and GEVs against pirates is going to need a freshwater plant, tool shops, fuel, and rearment industry. They got bombed back thirty years by the FUN.
Colin: Might as well set up a fuel cell factory, and build a production line for missiles, ammunition, and other basics.
Star: oh and someone sent a DVD of tests of the new Gyrojet systems for small arms. For some reason we might be able to sell them to certain other trade partners.

---

The scariest folk song lyrics are "My Boy Grew up to be just like me" from cats in the cradle by Harry Chapin

Canissian Seaside Palace

King Arik Coyotus-I relaxed, enjoying the view out his rooftop hot tub while paradise wrapped around him.


He was enjoying a fine Cuban cigar, an expertly-mixed White Russian was on the rim of the tub, and Bob Marley's "Three Little Birds" played as Miss Isabelle gave him a backrub.

"This is the way it was meant to be all along," Arik muttered as he relaxed and enjoyed the beautiful day. "Goddamn Libertopia ain't worth getting wrinkles over."

"And, of course, the good news from the Shadow Empire," Miss Isabelle said. But there was caution in her voice as well, and Arik knew what it was about.
"Good tactical news, I guess," Arik said, sipping at his drink, "Strategically-- long term-- I dunno if the idea of living god-emperors is going to go over well... let's hope it's just a fad."

"Well..." Isabelle said, "There may be a breakthrough in the UKB situation, too, if President Shinra gets his audience."
"We'll know the answer to that soon," Arik said. They sat in silence for awhile. Isabelle stopped, and Arik leaned back gently on her.

"If Blackadder is willing to play the diplomacy game, are you still going to go ahead with Case King of Spades?" she asked. Arik sighed.
"Probably. I mean, King of Spades isn't really an action so much as it is just a policy shift. We're just recognising that the Kingdom of Blackadder is a likely political and military rival, and to be ready for it, is all."

"They weren't before?" Isabelle asked.
"No," Arik said, sadness in his voice, "I gave Bean & everyone else the maximum benefit of the doubt. I thought we'd all work together to make this world a paradise, a model of all the good ideas we boasted about on the old discussion board... but that annoying Q seems to be right, much as I hate to admit it."

"What he said about human nature?" she asked.
"Yeah," Arik replied, "I hate to say it, but he was right. Instead of working together for benevolent purposes, we started going after each other's throats, worrying about power and sovereignty and pride..." He flicked some water away with his fingertips as if shooing away an annoying little bug.

"It bothers you," she observed.
"Yeah," Arik said, "It does. I always retained some sense of optimism. Cleverly disguised beneath a heavy glaze of cynicism, but overall, a sense that people would at least try for the best."

"I'm sorry it didn't work out so well," Isabelle said. Arik shrugged.
"Canissia turned out okay," he said, "I have no regrets. None at all. So I have to defend the place from the unfortunate, unexpected, and disappointing schemes of others... well, it's worth fighting for."

Baernish News Service
File BNS-32

The MinFin resource-location team sent to Indhopal turned in it's findings to the Indhopal government today, detailing the extensive deposits of copper and gold on the island. In addition, small amounts of tungsten, iron, coal, and lead located.

More information may be released later, at the discretion of the Indhopal government.

---

Conversion Table:

2000 Mockingbirds = 2 Kilomockingbirds
Basic Unit of Laryngitis = 1 Hoarsepower
453.6 Graham Crackers = 1 Pound Cake
1 Kilogram of Falling Figs - 1 Fig Newton
Time Between Slipping on a Banana Peel and Smacking the Pavement = 1 Bananosecond
Half of a Large Intestine = 1 Semicolon

((OOC: Most of the descriptions and such before President Shinra starts talking were done by Mr Bean. So if there are any spelling or grammatical errors, take it out on him, not me. ))

Atlantis, September 1st 2010

Rufus sometimes forgot how big this place was. The official meeting hall, ballrooms and overly showy buildings were built in the middle of a field, three and a half miles of cleared grass-lands stretched west of the "International Building". All the way to the edge of the twenty mile barrier forest that was even now being patrolled by a small army of Gurkhas. The whole thing was set up kind of like the Old Earth DC Mall. Instead of the Congress, there sat the International Hall. The walkways had three lane roads next to them because the " Mall" was two miles long rather than the one mile length of the Old Earth design it was modeled after. No civilian cars ever drove down those roads, only embassy cars meant to transport world leaders or ambassadors from the "Checkerboard" at the end of this Mall.

The "Checkerboard" was so named because under the Atlantis Accords each country was given one square kilometer to do with as they wished. Roads ran down the divides between the granted space, and since each country had the right to do whatever they wanted in their granted space - provided no building was over five stories tall - each country had created almost little copies of themselves behind the brick, concrete or wrought iron walls. Each country who signed the Atlantis Accords was granted one square kilometer of land, most had taken to duplicating the look and feel of their native country and when a conference was not in session it was often here the tourists came to see what "their" country had done.

Between the Checkerboard and the International Hall lay nothing but open grass and three large buildings. One the in-construction Media building, the second the International Non-Profit building and third the administrative offices for the various security companies and cleaning/catering/staffing corporations which ran and saw to the needs of the island were housed.

When he arrived at the International Hall, they took him directly down to the sub-basement. No glit and glam down here: the walls and roof above were concrete. The exposed pipes and bundled wiring a strong contrast to the gilded frames and lush carpets just a floor above. Even the basement had been carpeted, the walls wood-paneled and the lighting bright and cheery. However once he had gone down the stairs into this floor the change had been a sharp contrast.

This floor hummed, machines, backup generators, air purifiers, all the support for the floors above were housed down here, but his and his security group were soon standing before a set of great steel doors. They opened to reveal yet more stairs down. Four flights later sat another set of steel doors, even larger than the ones above.

His guide who had been silent spoke up at this point. "Mr President, on the other side of the building is a duplicate route, a second set of stairs and the same doors. Beyond these doors is a room, it is constructed as a special bunker. The entire bunker is built as a Faraday cage. Inside and outside the foot of concrete there is copper sheath and half an inch of lead insulation to prevent any possibility of transmissions in or out of this room."

The nameless guide paused to ensure the President was paying attention, seeing the President's raised eyebrows, he continued: "We are twenty-six meters underground here. As much as possible we have constructed this room to prevent it to be impossible for tapping, recording or any other transmission device to operate. As much as it is possible there can be no more secure room in the world. His Majesty is waiting for you inside."

He nodded at his guide and waited.

The air locked hissed open and slid to the side, the President walked down the twenty foot hallway as the door hissed closed behind him. There sat a final steel door in front of him, set deep into the concrete. Even as he walked towards it the door hissed, then slid down. Beyond was a long room, the walls and roof were solid steel, it almost looked as if the entire room had been cast in one piece. The room, some sixty feet long and twenty feet across held only one thing of note, a large wooden desk bare but for a single thick folder, two chairs at either end of a table, and a well dressed dark haired man standing beside one of the chairs, his eyes watching the President approach.

He spoke quietly, "President Shinra, I believe you're here to ask some questions about what I've been up to." He tapped the folder, "This may provide some answers, but what questions did you want to ask me Mister President?"

"Well Bean," reverting to using the old nicknames for a moment, "I suppose I could make some joke about how much you like privacy, but I think that goes without saying."

He paused, then continued, "What should also go without saying is that while I understand your desire for some secrecy, I would ask if there was any way we could let the others know something about what has been going on. At the very least Coyote, Wilkens, Shroom and Paul, when he is better. If not full details, than at least some assurance can be given? At the very least that you've let me in on it."

He took a breath, and plunged ahead. "I don't really like keeping secrets from my friends and allies. So I think we should try to reach some degree of understanding, between the two of us, before we go on."

Forbidden City Times

Lockmart delivers 2nd squadron of F-35Cs to Shinra Navy

The second squadron of F-35Cs were delivered to the Shinra Navy today. The F-35C is one of the preminent carrier based fighters, due in large part to it's stealth capabilities. Additional deliveries to the Shinra Navy will take place in the near future. The next delivery from Lockmart is to be the Tian Xia Air Force, with more F-35Cs, followed by the first delivery of F-35Bs for test and evalution to the Tian Xia Air Force.

---

"preemptive killing of cops might not be such a bad idea from a personal saftey[sic] standpoint..." --Keevan Colton
"There's a word for bias you can't see: Yours." -- William Saletan

Atlantis, September 1st 2010
Armistice Ultra Secure Conference Room

"Well then "Rogue" let me be clear, I did not invite you down here because I'm just here to shoot the shit with you and show off my pretty conference room. I'm here because I have some facts and figures to share with you. And a little bit of private recent history very few people know about. I'm not asking you to keep it secret, I'm just telling you right now that if this ends up on the 8'oclock BBC News hour or in any other Media outlet that it will cause harm to the UKB and that will cause me great personal anger."

The King paused "But I get ahead of my self, please sit, and tell me what you know of Hasan al-Naqib?"

"Oh no, I didn't think you'd invite me to an underground steel box if this were a social call. And of course I'm not going to go to the BBC. Just send information through secure channels, national leader level only, to give some form of heads up. I wanted to talk it over with you first, though I suppose it'll be better to wait and see what all you tell me before we can decide what's safe to put over the wires, no matter how secure they may be."

President Shinra took a seat, and thought about the question asked. "Hasan al-Naqib, the Iraqi opposition leader from Old Earth? Didn't know much of him back then to be honest. As far as I know he's not in Nova Terra so I haven't given him much thought. Why do you ask?"

DDDF: Deutch-Danish-Dusseldorf-Fregency News
]Saddam The Great Speaks To His People On Refugee Fate, Warns of Coming Nuclear Tests


The DDDF has just obtained details of a short speech given by Saddam The Great over Saddamistans government owned hard wire cable TV system, in which he reportly announced the freeing of 2,828 Liberaltopia refugees, to be deported to TerraLibertia he stated ‘within the week’. However, no word was given fate of three foreign journalists being held on separate charges, and the speech opened with an announcement of a planned series of ‘three to five’ nuclear tests.

---

"This cult of special forces is as sensible as to form a Royal Corps of Tree Climbers and say that no soldier who does not wear its green hat with a bunch of oak leaves stuck in it should be expected to climb a tree"
— Field Marshal William Slim 1956

Austin Republican
Presidential Race getting fierce.




Democrat candidate Erwin McFibblestein called El Presidente Lonestar a "warmonger intent on getting the Lone Star Republic stuck in foreign conflicts." He also said that Lonestar's support of nuclear power, the selling of Uranium on the open market, weapons sells to foreign customers, and fiscal policy was "Immoral and idiotic".

"Far be it for me to say call the Assembly Minority leader a mite skittish," El Presidente drawled, "but stepping in to prevent killing overseas, improving infrastructure here, and selling goods and commodities to keep the Republic's cash coffers full has always struck me as worth the risks they entail."

El Presidente is leading McFibblestein 68%-30% in the polls.

"On old Earth Hasan al Naqib was a two bit nothing of a general who played the political game. However on Nova Terra a man by that name and a General of Saddam The Great's military attempted to assassinate him sixteen months ago."

The King paused as that sunk in, he could see the question in President Rufus's eyes and continued. "That little bit of information is not know outside around one thousand people, nine hundred and seventy of them Saddamstain's internal defense people, roughly twenty nine people in the UKB and now you Mr President. Naqib launched a quiet coup, he succesfully killed someone who he thought was Saddam the Great but was simply a double along with sixteen memebers of the Saddamstain defense department, key generals and civilian leaders and then tried to put his own people in place. However Saddam had know about the coup and was only caught off guard on how soon Hassan kicked it off."

The King sat back in the chair then contiuned. "Hassan al Naqib was handed allong with all 87 of his co-conspirators in secrecy and the entire event was hushed up."


President Rufus was starting at him, half is disbelief, half in incredulity. Exactly how closed off Saddamstain was to the world was still an abstract to him. Well so be it, time to lay the bombshell on him and see how he would react.

"Eight months ago, three months prior to the start of the "Liberaltopian" straits incident a man going by that name and with that description showed up in the Sultanate and was observed by two different of our local agents as meeting with Sultanate official. At the time we had no idea about the coup had ever happened. When we tried to use the intel to pressure his people they went apshit, calling us liers, dogs, imperalists and every name they could think of and threaten to kick us out.

"The next day the Saddamstain unoffical ambassador was asked to come in person to see the Saddam the Great and to bring this report, this proof that Hassan was seen in Liberaltopia.

Six hours later my ambassador was asking to speak to me personally, there had been a major breakthrough in the Saddamstain out-reach program, Saddam had thanked us personally for the gift of this intellgence, even offered to let us open an embassy.

We found out about the coup a month before the Liberaltopai Straits incident, but by then it was to late."

File XX-02
FROM:His Imperial Majesty Emperor Shady of the Shadow Empire
TO: His Grace Duke James of Baerne

I assure your grace that this cult will be tightly controlled and will not be a problem.I thank you for your offer to help, some food and medical supplies would be appreciated.

-----------------------------------

Location: Shadow Empire, Sarajevo

[Elena] My lord, i have the first damage reports coming in.

[Emperor Shady] So how bad is it?

[Elena] Well i have good news and bad news. The good news is that the ISCA shipyards are intact. And they can be back in operation as soon as the workers report for work.

[Elena] The other good news is that although we lost all of our MiG-21, the An-26 are all intact. We were lucky that they were stationed in the northern province, so the FUN didn't bomb them.

[Emperor Shady] And the bad news?

[Elena] We lost most of our BTR-60, only five remain. And even they are damaged.

[Elena] Our Air Defense is nonexistent, and our small arms factory has been damaged. It appears that some of the weapons from the factory have disappeared.

[Emperor Shady] That bastard Karic must have sold them to somebody.

[Elena] That, or they were destroyed in the conflict.

[Elena] The capital took the worst damage, we have burning cars on the streets, ruined buildings. It's bad, but we can rebuild.

[Emperor Shady] It will take time but we will get back up. Already the international community is sending aid shipments.

[Elena] I know. In the meanwhile we have some hard work ahead of us.

[Emperor Shady] Indeed.

As Rufus tried to digest this, he wasn't sure he liked what he was hearing.

"So you're telling me, basically, that the UKB was at least partly responsible for the conflict? Inadvertently it would seem, but still..."

He leaned back as what he had been told started to sink in. The path to Hell is paved with good intentions indeed. The UKB may have gotten their relations with Saddamistan, but it was at a terrible cost to the rest of the world.

There were of course a lot of questions to be asked, but one seemed most important right then: "Just how sure of Hassan's identity were you before giving the information to Saddam?"

Technically prior to the transfer of Xanadu, the Republic had actuallly not done anything with their square klick. however, now he wondered, no, the tallest building in Xanadu was under the five story limit, but a square kilometer of Zoos, gardens, a castle/hotel that was rediculusly huge, a four story Roman style bathhouse with gymnasium & olympic pools, a colliseium, and still luxerous staff housing connceting to everything else through underground passages....

this was technically nothing like him, or his state, except that Charles Foster Kane had liked to project and impress on a grand scale. Now when would anyone visit?

---

The scariest folk song lyrics are "My Boy Grew up to be just like me" from cats in the cradle by Harry Chapin

Baernish MinState + Baernish MinFin
Multiple Files

File PC-19

FROM: His Grace Duke James of Baerne
TO: His Imperial Majesty Emperor Shady of the Shadow Empire
Excellent. Your willingness to cooperate is much appreciated, Majesty.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

File BMF-28

His Grace's Government will be willing to support the establishment of a Ducal Aircraft plant in the Shadow Empire, which would surely provide much-needed income and jobs to the Shadow Empire. In addition, what ACV (Cargo)s we can spare will be despatched for Sarajevo as soon as possible.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

File BMS-25

His Grace is also mindful of the dangers inherent in the complete rebuilding of a nation, and therefore wishes to offer a suggestion: that restraint be exercised. While your rage at the recent devastation must be terrible, a complete purge of your nation's officer corps is not the answer. Take the time to ascertain guilt or innocence before an execution. We are willing to maintain a regiment in the Shadow Empire for purposes of security, if you so desire.

---

Conversion Table:

2000 Mockingbirds = 2 Kilomockingbirds
Basic Unit of Laryngitis = 1 Hoarsepower
453.6 Graham Crackers = 1 Pound Cake
1 Kilogram of Falling Figs - 1 Fig Newton
Time Between Slipping on a Banana Peel and Smacking the Pavement = 1 Bananosecond
Half of a Large Intestine = 1 Semicolon

PRAVDA: Dr. Cray Zee arrives in Omsk State University hall to give speech, wave of protests ensue



A gigantic red wave greeted Dr. Zee, shouting slogans like "exploiter" and "bourgeois"



Nonetheless, the Doctor passed the crowds undaunted and proceeded to give his speech. He remarked that poor opressed citizens had no choice but to come out and demonstrate.

However, some people have used a flying penis to attack Dr. Zee's tribune in mid-speech, leading to confusion in the hall until his guards struck it down.

After that, the speech concluded rather rapidly and harshly, with Zee claiming that "this is a nation of lost people with a thoroughly totalitarian mindset" and "a failing state in the making".

The greatest controversy was Dr. Zee's appraisal of the "Libertia miracle" however. When pointing to the lack of any really observable economic miracle, the students were surprised to hear a near extatic Zee shout "THIS IS FREEDOM!!!" right at them.

Also it seemed that Zee's ego was hurt when he heard about the Shadow Empire's sudden turn to socialism after the recent war, which was used as an argument by some students.

- This is a spread of a dangerous virus! - warned Dr.Zee. - It's incredible that in the XXI century we would still be discussing the spread of Technocratic Socialism.

PRAVDA: Red Turn in the Shadow Empire



In the capital of Sarajevo, it seems the political winds have turned. The Emperor Shady has embraced Technocratic Socialist Doctrine, which led to the Supreme Council authorizing an $1 billion aid package to the nation immediately, which is rumored to include heavy military hardware shipments as well as general reconstruction and financial help.



Saddamistani deserts. Remote regions in the Greater Baghdad area.

It was time. Dying from thirst and incredible heat, the man still walked and walked, until the transmitter stopped working. At that very moment, he died with a quiet "puff" sound, as if something cracked inside his head and his body. Blood gushed out of his nose and ears, and his left hand.

[location classified]

- Operation Deadman complete.

- Good. Proceed with removing the evidence.

Saddamistan refugee camp

A huge explosion was heard in the camps. And then another one. Soon the whole camp was engulfed in flames, killing most of the refugees.

Red Technocracy's Supreme Council Communique

The Secretary General today arrived in Atlantis, giving an international press-conference for the media outlets.



- We are positively sure that Saddamistan is hiding biological weapons. Our intelligence has been unambigious on the matter.

---

"I put no stock in religion. By the word religion I have seen the lunacy of fanatics of every denomination be called the will of god. I have seen too much religion in the eyes of too many murderers. Holiness is in right action, and courage on behalf of those who cannot defend themselves, and goodness. "
-Kingdom of Heaven