Showtrial for Norade

Only now, at the end, do you understand.

Moderator: Moderators

User avatar
Thanas
Magister
Magister
Posts: 30085
Joined: 2004-06-26 07:49pm

Showtrial for Norade

Postby Thanas » 2011-07-21 05:04am

There was only one thing to do for the citizens of the Empire at 5 pm on a Friday. And sure enough, soon the vid screens flickered to live, showing the pleasant face of the blonde announcer.

"Good evening, Ladies and Gentlemen. In accordance with the wishes of our benevolent emperor, long may he reign, we present to you: Execution 3000. Live from the planet *beep*, it is the IMPERIAL SECRET COURT".



IMPERIAL SECRET COURT
Somewhere on a forgotten planet


Two figures were sitting at a table. One of them was a human, the other a Bragulan envoy. (Nobody knew how and why the Bragulan was there. However, as he usually just snored through the proceedings nobody much cared. And his habit of devouring the odd accused had proved a hit with the viewers).

Only the worst miscreants were tried in this very courtroom. It was a most dreary task, shifting through the long lists of those his Imperial highness had condemned to trial and execution. Luckily, the process was greatly shortened and made that much more efficient by combining the defence and the prosecution into one person, who coincidentally also was the judge.

And Judge Hang'em never disappointed by delivering a "not guilty" verdict.

At a push of the button, a guardsmen dragged in the next condemned accused. He had proven most stubborn, yelling "Fuck the police" and "I am so tough I am going to kill every one of you with my mad skillz". His toughness had been proven when he had begged the guardsmen for mercy as soon as they had touched him.

"Miscreant #18529 delivered as ordered, Sirs." The guardsmen gave the sobbing subject a shove and the condemned accused fell into a conveniently placed chair.

Judge Hang'em fixed the writhing mess with a cold, contemptous stare. "Subject 18529, you stand accused of being a troll, a general pain in the ass and an idiot. Furthermore, you are also charged with terminal stupidity and short-dickedness. Prosecution will start presenting evidence."

Judge Prosecutor Hang'em then continued. "The evidence is there for all to see. The subject has incurred no fewer than four warnings of trolling in his short existence here. He further has demonstrated his stupidity in the following threads:

viewtopic.php?f=12&t=142277
viewtopic.php?p=3354141#p3354141
viewtopic.php?f=7&t=146677
viewtopic.php?f=5&t=146672


Quite frankly, at this point there would have been enough evidence to ban him. However, a few mods apparently felt pity on him and thought that with time, he could reform and grow out of his feeble mind. Oh, those poor bleeding hearts.
" Hang'em wiped a tear from his eye.

"Yet it has become clear that in recent time his stupidity has increased, not decreased.
Example 1: Bullying
Example 2: Japan wins the world cup = Soccer players are all pussies.

At this point, there is no doubt that he is a net negative to the board. In fact, if we banned him now, the average IQ of this board would rise substantially.
"

The rousing and stirring response by the defence was mercifully short. "Ban him".

Judge Prosecutor Defence Attorney Judge Hang'em wasted no time in delivering the expected verdict. "I pronounce you.....guilty."

*****************
On hundreds of planets, citizens were cheering as Norade emptied his bowels in fear, which woke up the Bragulan. YOGI BRAG promptly proceeded to teach Norade some manners by beating him with his own hands.

The judge was replaced on the screen by the blonde announcer. "An expected verdict and an unexpected treat from our Bragulan guest. Now, let us go to commercial."

*commercial*
YOU SUPPORT THE IMPERIAL TROOPS?
NOW YOU CAN DO MORE.
PURCHASE THE NEW PONYMEAT, FRESH FROM THE FRONTLINES.
WE KILL OUR ENEMIES SO YOU CAN EAT THEM.
EVEN YOGI BRAG LIKES IT.
Disclaimer: only one portion per household. Meat may or may not include a lethal dose of nuclear radiation. The Imperial troops are not responsible for any mutations which you may or may not experience due to consuming the meat.
*commercial*

"Wow, I sure am going to try a Pony sandwich today. Now, back to the courtroom. As expected, several factions have laid claim to the condemned.

- Our allies, the Bragulans, have asked for shortus dickus to be turned over for examination.
- The Imperial Inquisition proposes a vivisection to determine whether his stupidity is so great that he shall be classified as a new subspecies
- Our right loyal and trusty ally, the Germaine O'Pressa, proposes that shortus dickus be made his personal property to oppress for all eternity
- The Sughdians propose he be sprayed with pheremones and then be thrown into a pit of captured and randy bronies.
- And of course, there is always the trusted option of simply eliminating him.

Now, you, the viewer can decide.


For EXECUTION 3000, I am Countess Elizabeth Báthory de Perseus de Ctesiphon.
"
Whoever says "education does not matter" can try ignorance
------------
A decision must be made in the life of every nation at the very moment when the grasp of the enemy is at its throat. Then, it seems that the only way to survive is to use the means of the enemy, to rest survival upon what is expedient, to look the other way. Well, the answer to that is 'survival as what'? A country isn't a rock. It's not an extension of one's self. It's what it stands for. It's what it stands for when standing for something is the most difficult! - Chief Judge Haywood
------------
My LPs

User avatar
Lonestar
Keeper of the Schwartz
Posts: 12942
Joined: 2003-02-13 03:21pm
Location: Tysons Corner Microwave Tower
Contact:

Re: Showtrial for Norade

Postby Lonestar » 2011-07-21 05:06am

This is a wonderful Birfday present

User avatar
Serafina
Sith Acolyte
Posts: 5246
Joined: 2009-01-07 05:37pm
Location: Germany

Re: Showtrial for Norade

Postby Serafina » 2011-07-21 05:17am

Lonestar wrote:This is a wonderful Birfday present
Congratulations ;)
Also, about damn time.

User avatar
Havok
Miscreant
Posts: 13014
Joined: 2005-07-02 10:41pm
Location: Oakland CA
Contact:

Re: Showtrial for Norade

Postby Havok » 2011-07-21 05:39am

If it pleases Judge Hang'em, I say Title... Cop Loving Soccer Fanatic.

KlavoHunter
Jedi Master
Posts: 1401
Joined: 2007-08-26 10:53pm

Re: Showtrial for Norade

Postby KlavoHunter » 2011-07-21 05:41am

transform him into a brony

he will find our friendship.... most tolerable



now who wants cupcakes?

Image

User avatar
Oscar Wilde
Padawan Learner
Posts: 303
Joined: 2008-10-29 07:36pm

Re: Showtrial for Norade

Postby Oscar Wilde » 2011-07-21 06:08am

This would be a wonderful opportunity to find out if one can be loved and tolerated to death.

User avatar
Shroom Man 777
FUCKING DICK-STABBER!
Posts: 20700
Joined: 2003-05-11 08:39am
Location: Bleeding breasts and stabbing dicks since 2003
Contact:

Re: Showtrial for Norade

Postby Shroom Man 777 » 2011-07-21 06:19am

Image

said Lieutenant Shroom.

User avatar
Executor32
Jedi Council Member
Posts: 2077
Joined: 2004-01-31 03:48am
Location: In a Georgia courtroom, watching a spectacle unfold

Re: Showtrial for Norade

Postby Executor32 » 2011-07-21 06:22am

Oscar Wilde wrote:This would be a wonderful opportunity to find out if one can be loved and tolerated to death.


Look at this face. You know it's possible.

My vote should be obvious.

User avatar
Norade
Jedi Council Member
Posts: 2424
Joined: 2005-09-23 11:33pm
Location: Kelowna, BC, Canada
Contact:

Re: Showtrial for Norade

Postby Norade » 2011-07-21 08:52am

Seriously? I back up my claims in all of those threads, and was willing to take the bullying issue to the coliseum where I would have ample time to find support for my claims. I asked for the soccer thread to be split a fair ways in as well so as to not impede the discussion of the game. You'll also notice the near every thread of mine that has been HoS'ed involves Bluewolf, or Coffee. In Scifi, people don't always like me, but I have never once failed to support a claim even if people have claimed I wasn't reading what I quoted right.

Bullying, all I would have to do would show one case where a person killed or maimed an unarmed person and walked to win my point. Soccer is pure opinion and asked for the thread split.

Three one, ended with a good chat with Kamikaze, while I still see most police as fairly worthless and poorly trained, I have reasons for feeling this way that have been made public on these boards. Example two of a warning was one by Edi in which no written rule was violated. Thread three was in poor taste, but never condoned the actions of the Nazi's nor discriminated against the people hurt by them. Thread four I offered up what was an inefficient system and suggested that the world population should be lowered and derelict cities rebuilt even if it has short term costs to human living conditions in the area. None of those four examples broke a single board rule that can be pointed out, I never used anything that I didn't have evidence for. Never did a mod say, hey tone it down before jumping to a formal warning. Fuck, I can find worst posting than mine in the archives from members that are still around. Fuck look at Stark in G&C most of the time.

About the only thread you could point to where I could have even come close to a breaking a rule is the near wall of repeated claims in the bullying thread and then only because I didn't have time to find a precedent setting case that would hold up.

In the Soccer thread Thanas and some Europen members were ass hurt when I started by saying that soccer players are pussies for not being able to play overtime. Then I was dog piled so naturally the thread filled up.

In all, if you'd rather have a racist fuck like Bluewolf here than me that's your choice. At least I can defend my claims and warnings and say that I honestly don't have any hate for the people in this thread or on this board. Not even Coffee and Bluewolf with there attempted dick jokes, or D13 who's posting style gets under my skin. I may not have been the most active poster in them, but people like playing beside me in the HoS threads, and the other RP threads, and I have contributed a fair bit in the G&C and Scifi/Fantasy areas of the board.

To sum it up, your call. Always has been.

User avatar
Thanas
Magister
Magister
Posts: 30085
Joined: 2004-06-26 07:49pm

Re: Showtrial for Norade

Postby Thanas » 2011-07-21 09:01am

In all, if you'd rather have a racist fuck like Bluewolf here than me that's your choice.


Stay classy.
Whoever says "education does not matter" can try ignorance
------------
A decision must be made in the life of every nation at the very moment when the grasp of the enemy is at its throat. Then, it seems that the only way to survive is to use the means of the enemy, to rest survival upon what is expedient, to look the other way. Well, the answer to that is 'survival as what'? A country isn't a rock. It's not an extension of one's self. It's what it stands for. It's what it stands for when standing for something is the most difficult! - Chief Judge Haywood
------------
My LPs

User avatar
Norade
Jedi Council Member
Posts: 2424
Joined: 2005-09-23 11:33pm
Location: Kelowna, BC, Canada
Contact:

Re: Showtrial for Norade

Postby Norade » 2011-07-21 09:04am

I still don't hate him, or even really dislike him, I still think he's more racist than I am and more clearly broke a board rule than I have.

User avatar
Mr. Coffee
is an asshole.
Posts: 3258
Joined: 2005-02-26 07:45am
Location: And banging your mom is half the battle... G.I. Joe!

Re: Showtrial for Norade

Postby Mr. Coffee » 2011-07-21 09:50am

Difference is, Blue owned up to his bullshit, apologized for it, and stopped being such a whiny assclown. Meanwhile you're still a giant douchecanoe sailing along the shores of Lake Fuckwit.

User avatar
Norade
Jedi Council Member
Posts: 2424
Joined: 2005-09-23 11:33pm
Location: Kelowna, BC, Canada
Contact:

Re: Showtrial for Norade

Postby Norade » 2011-07-21 10:01am

I even said I didn't hate you Coffee. Honestly, you're not worth apologizing too, but your also not worth hating.

User avatar
Mr. Coffee
is an asshole.
Posts: 3258
Joined: 2005-02-26 07:45am
Location: And banging your mom is half the battle... G.I. Joe!

Re: Showtrial for Norade

Postby Mr. Coffee » 2011-07-21 10:27am

Which is totally why you constantly name drop me whenever you whine about how unfairly you think you're being treated? Seriously, that the sort of "well, they're doing it too!" bullshit excuse I'd expect to hear out of a child when they get caught drawing in crayons on the wall at daycare. Grow the fuck up and stop projecting so hard before someone points you at a wall to show off powerpoint presentations.

It's got nothing to do with hate, though you've obviously managed to burn a lot of bridges with your bullshit. It's got everything to do with you ruining perfectly good threads with your idiotic derails (the Bullying thread and the Japan Wins the Wold Cup threads), or you being a dumbshit and getting put in your place to the point a mod has to step in and tell you flat out to shut the fuck up. Maybe some ban time might force you to sit down and reevaluate how you interact with people. It worked wonders for Bluewolf, it might even work for you.

User avatar
ray245
Sith Acolyte
Posts: 5703
Joined: 2005-06-10 11:30pm

Re: Showtrial for Norade

Postby ray245 » 2011-07-21 10:40am

Norade wrote:In the Soccer thread Thanas and some Europen members were ass hurt when I started by saying that soccer players are pussies for not being able to play overtime. Then I was dog piled so naturally the thread filled up.


Well, trying to agitate a penis waving contest does make you look pretty dumb and idiotic. Trying to stretch the contest for a good four to five page just makes you look even worse.

User avatar
White Haven
Sith Acolyte
Posts: 6292
Joined: 2004-05-17 03:14pm
Location: Richmond, Virginia: The Capitol of Treason
Contact:

Re: Showtrial for Norade

Postby White Haven » 2011-07-21 11:01am

He shall face BEAR JUSTICE!

User avatar
Edi
Dragonlord
Dragonlord
Posts: 12398
Joined: 2002-07-11 12:27am
Location: Helsinki, Finland

Re: Showtrial for Norade

Postby Edi » 2011-07-21 11:12am

Norade, if you think the examples brought up in this showtrial thread are the only basis for the decision, you're even dimmer than I thought. Those are a representative sample of your behavior, not the sum total.

Your entire history on the board is little more than belligerent trolling and shitting things up and in addition to the four official warnings on your record, there are half a dozen times that mods, including but not limited to me, have told you to shut the fuck up and quit trolling and stinking up threads and they have all amounted to exactly zero visible change.

You've been discussed time and time again over the past two years and probably more and always you have gotten leniency, but that rope has now played out. You fashioned a good enough noose with it, is all I can say.
Warwolf Urban Combat Specialist

Why is it so goddamned hard to get little assholes like you to admit it when you fuck up? Is it pride? What gives you the right to have any pride?
–Darth Wong to vivftp

GOP message? Why don't they just come out of the closet: FASCISTS R' US –Patrick Degan

The GOP has a problem with anyone coming out of the closet. –18-till-I-die

User avatar
Akhlut
Sith Devotee
Posts: 2660
Joined: 2005-09-06 02:23pm
Location: The Burger King Bathroom

Re: Showtrial for Norade

Postby Akhlut » 2011-07-21 11:36am

White Haven wrote:He shall face BEAR JUSTICE!


It's currently looking like he'll see his end by Bronies.

Unfortunately for Norade, he was one of the trolleoisie when the revbrolution of the broletariat led by Broseph Stalin came around.

Bluewolf
Dishonest Fucktard
Posts: 1165
Joined: 2007-04-23 03:35pm
Location: UK

Re: Showtrial for Norade

Postby Bluewolf » 2011-07-21 11:50am

Norade, can I at least expect a an apology for invoking my board pointlessly for three times? I mean given where you're going, you need to learn friendship and tolerance and hey, some way the former is magic.

User avatar
Serafina
Sith Acolyte
Posts: 5246
Joined: 2009-01-07 05:37pm
Location: Germany

Re: Showtrial for Norade

Postby Serafina » 2011-07-21 11:53am

Norade wrote:In all, if you'd rather have a racist fuck like Bluewolf here than me that's your choice.
Hey, look, yet another reason to ban you - Vendettas ARE against the rules, and this certainly carries all the marks of one (bringing up another members behavior without it having any relation to the issue at hand).

User avatar
loomer
Sith Devotee
Posts: 2885
Joined: 2005-11-20 07:57am
Contact:

Re: Showtrial for Norade

Postby loomer » 2011-07-21 12:23pm

Bye bye, Norade, you shitfucker. I'd say I'd miss you, but that would be a lie.

User avatar
Dalton
For Those About to Rock We Salute You
For Those About to Rock We Salute You
Posts: 22373
Joined: 2002-07-03 06:16pm
Location: New York, the Fuck You State
Contact:

Re: Showtrial for Norade

Postby Dalton » 2011-07-21 12:25pm

I am getting really tired of the blame-shifting, backpedaling trolling bullshit, not to mention the childish avoidance of responsibility for one's own actions via the tried-and-true playground-level tu quoque/Pee-Wee Herman gambit. After four warnings, a fifth just won't do. Bye sucka.
Image
Image
To Absent Friends
Dalton | Admin Smash | Knight of the Order of SDN

"y = mx + bro" - Surlethe
"You try THAT shit again, kid, and I will mod you. I will
mod you so hard, you'll wish I were Dalton." - Lagmonster

May the way of the Hero lead to the Triforce.

User avatar
GrandMasterTerwynn
Emperor's Hand
Posts: 6702
Joined: 2002-07-29 06:14pm
Location: Somewhere on Earth.
Contact:

Re: Showtrial for Norade

Postby GrandMasterTerwynn » 2011-07-21 12:34pm

Well, I did my part . . . FOR THE BRAGULANS!

User avatar
J
Kaye Elle Emenopey
Posts: 5640
Joined: 2002-12-14 02:23pm
Location: YHM

Re: Showtrial for Norade

Postby J » 2011-07-21 12:40pm


Bluewolf
Dishonest Fucktard
Posts: 1165
Joined: 2007-04-23 03:35pm
Location: UK

Re: Showtrial for Norade

Postby Bluewolf » 2011-07-21 12:41pm



Return to “Parting Shots”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest