Alien Covenant

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Alien Covenant

Postby Q99 » 2017-05-13 08:04pm

I'm making this thread even though I haven't seen it because I figure someone's got to make it and I wonder if any of you have seen it?

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Re: Alien Covenant

Postby Sea Skimmer » 2017-05-13 09:59pm

Nope. Did just see this Rick and Morty tie in though
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Re: Alien Covenant

Postby Q99 » 2017-05-13 10:21pm


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Re: Alien Covenant

Postby NecronLord » 2017-05-14 07:11am

Prometheus II: C-, it's better than Prometheus, but the same can be said for genital waxing. I will now spoil the plot massively:

The crew are massively incompetent, and all get fucked up due to a series of terribly incompetent mistakes.

  1. On receiving a signal from an alien world with a human voice in it, they turn their colony ship around to investigate. I'll let this one slide for the most part, as no one wants to go into cryo-sleep again after an accident, which is fair enough.
  2. On landing on an alien world with a breathable atmosphere no one takes any NBC gear, and go hiking in the woods without any skin barriers at all. They get infected with a pathogen and two of them die from sudden explosive alien-formation.
  3. They trust David, the android from Prometheus.
  4. They split up while aware that there are dangerous predatory alien hominids out to kill them. For bathing purposes.
  5. David, obvious murder-bot, has just rejoiced in the murder of one of the crew. Visibly. And protested when the captain shot a Neomorph that tore a human's head off. The captain has a rifle pointed at him, but lets the obvious murder-bot persuade him to come down to the basement and look into a big egg-thing that is obviously alive. You know what happens next.

It's unintentionally funny, because I couldn't take these people's suffering seriously.

The Black Goo works as advertised, and forms an aerosolized weapon that infests anything meaty, including a big crowd of engineers on their homeworld. It persists in the environment in protective spores that infest other animals later. It gestates 'Neomorphs' rather then the familiar aliens.


Neomorphs are contracted by aerial exposure to the crypto-nanotech weapon, and in high densities it can spawn them out of a host in half a minute; exposure to latent black goo in the spores takes something on the order of an hour to gestate an immature neomorph. They are only one form that is spawned, David's lab shows many more that he's seen, both corpses and illustrations; they all have a short lifespan, with all the neomorphs from the original attack being dead ten years later.

David has deployed the bioweapon on the engineer planet, and has been living there in their ruins for ten years, during which time he has experimented and cultured his own personal strain of monsters; the familiar xenomorphs. Which I like, because they never made sense as a biological weapon despite Ridley Scott claiming that loudly, at least as the product of a madbot their failings can be explained as 'he's mad.' Certainly a xenomorph infestation is less dangerous than a neomorph attack.

He's also an insane rape-bot, and it's strongly implied he raped and tortured Elizabeth Shaw from Prometheus to death, which is the only genuinely creepy part of the movie; the Neomorphs are cute and seeing baby neomorphs fuck up humans who are too dumb to live just amuses me.

Fassbender's David is the least pleasant thing in the Alien Movies to date - and the only consolation we get in this movie is that in some future date the space jockey from Alien may meet and hopefully kill him in order to get that hold full of eggs, because he wins in this movie, and escapes with samples of his creation.

Xenomorphs grow up even quicker than usual, there's a lot of biotech magic.

When watching Alien, I always had the impression that the crew were ordinary. After Prometheus and Covenant, I now appreciate that the crew of the Nostromo are the most professional and competent mofos in space.

Best line: "Now you hold it, and I'll do the fingering."
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