Sci-fi lines that just hurt to listen to

[Metahive]

A thread about lines in sci-fi shows and movies that are so absurdly wrong or stupid, it hurts to even listen to them. My example is from a little known german sci-fi show called "Raumpatrouille Orion/Space Patrol Orion" that came out around the same time as ST TOS. It's from the show's second episode, a rogue astronomic body is heading towards Earth (secretly guided by that show's alien antagonists), threatening the planet with destruction. This astronomic body is described thus:

"Im Gebiet der Jagdhunde wurde ein Planet aus seiner Bahn geworfen. Es handelt sich eindeutig um eine Supernova. Dieser Schnellläufer rast auf die Erde zu. Geschätzte Geschwindigkeit etwa 146.000 km/sek. Sein Radius gelangt in den Bereich der Riesensterne. Er hat die physikalischen Eigenschaften einer Sonne und wird die Erde binnen kürzester Frist erreicht haben."

Roughly translated:

"A planet was thrown off its orbit in the constellation of the Canes Venatici. It is without doubt a supernova. This high velocity star is dashing towards Earth. Estimated speed is about 146.000 km/sec. His radius is about that of a giant star, he has the phyiscal properties of a sun and will reach Earth within a short period of time."

Can you spot all the errors?

More examples are appreciated.

[Stofsk]

Something about there being a crack in the event horizon?

[Metahive]

Good pick, I even found a transcription from that episode on-line, so let's list 'em up:

NEELIX: "A singularity is a star that's collapsed in on itself. The event horizon is a very powerful energy field surrounding it."

TORRES: "It might be enough to cut through the event horizon."

TUVOK: "Engaging tractor beam. It's working. Beam is penetrating the event horizon."

PARIS: "I'm picking up something. A slight irregularity. It could be a rupture in the event horizon."

[mr friendly guy]

I would add "reverse the polarity of the neutron flow", however that has just become so old that its either just brushed off or use to self reference and laugh at itself.

[Solauren]

Anything trying to sound smart of technical.

[Eternal_Freedom]

"He would only build a weapon of this magnitude for one reason: he's going after Earth" - the infamous ST Nemesis

[condensed version]let's not build a city, let's break up the population into tiny groups, abandon all our technology and live like primitives[end condensed version] - nBSG

"The Earth's magnetic core...has stopped rotating" - Core

"Your bomb is designed to slide down this shaft, strike a fracture in the Earth's inner surface, and so release the magnetic core of this planet. But the fracture lies near the meeting point of the magnetic influence of the North and South poles. One mistake. One deviation in the aiming of your bomb, and enough magnetic energy will be released to destroy you." - Dr Who, Daleks Invasion Earth 2150AD

[Night_stalker]

Any time in a movie when they state that when something nuclear powered goes critical, it will explode like a thermonuclear bomb! Let's also not forget the meltdown =Chernobyl's big brother in terms of destruction.

[Crossroads Inc.]

How about the part from "Day after Tomorrow"

Satellite readings are showing a temperature drop of 10 degrees per second.

Which means in a minute it would drop by 600 degrees

[Skylon]

"He's got space dementia!" - the Shuttle Commander when Steve Buscemi's character cracks up ("Armageddon")

"We saved the world." - Ripley, as she watches a ship she crashed into Earth explode with what looks like the force of 100 Hiroshima's ("Alien Resurrection")

[Marcus Aurelius]

"We saved the world." - Ripley, as she watches a ship she crashed into Earth explode with what looks like the force of 100 Hiroshima's ("Alien Resurrection")

100 Hiroshimas is just 1.5 Mt, so not a big deal unless it hit a populated area

[Vympel]

"That could just be orbital wobble."

Highlander: The Source, upon one of the Immortals being told that all of the planets of the solar system have shifted out of alignment (and are now larger in the sky than THE MOON)

[Night_stalker]

Given the flick stated that it was aimed for a uninhabitable quadrant, it probably wasn't too big a deal to the people who were still on the planet that was already shit, remember the view of Paris at the end? The ecosystem on the other hand...

[Junghalli]

NEELIX: "A singularity is a star that's collapsed in on itself. The event horizon is a very powerful energy field surrounding it."

I actually find this more hilarious than the "crack" thing. Given all the funky physics in Star Trek I could buy an assymetrical gravity field around a black hole but this is just flat out lol.

I nominate the most recent movie version of The Time Machine (paraphrased cause I'm too lazy to bother actually looking it up):

"The demolition charges for the moon colony knocked the moon out of orbit!"

... talk about sci fi having no sense of scale.

For added hilarity he looked right up and saw the moon hanging directly overhead and apparently kissing the Roche Limit as it was already breaking up ... uh, how is New York not underwater with the megatides that would be raising?

Well, aside from "there aren't any oceans anymore because the massive tidal heating turned Earth into a ball of molten rock", but then the question becomes how is he not standing in a sea of lava or at least instantly fried from finding himself in a super-dense water vapor atmosphere?

[Night_stalker]

NEELIX: "A singularity is a star that's collapsed in on itself. The event horizon is a very powerful energy field surrounding it."

"The demolition charges for the moon colony knocked the moon out of orbit!"

... talk about sci fi having no sense of scale.

That line has got to be the single DUMBEST line I've ever heard in a flick. Just out of curiosity, I wonder how powerful said charges would have to be to blow the moon out of orbit without just blowing the moon into pieces?

[adam_grif]

Any time Jeff Goldblum opens his goddamn mouth in Jurassic Park.

[Srelex]

In the book, I think, he had the excuse of literally being high at least.

[Junghalli]

That line has got to be the single DUMBEST line I've ever heard in a flick. Just out of curiosity, I wonder how powerful said charges would have to be to blow the moon out of orbit without just blowing the moon into pieces?

Well for crashing the moon into Earth you could plug the orbital velocity and mass into the KE equation:

1/2(7.3477 X 10^22)(1022^2) = 3.84 X 10^28

About 10 million teratons.

Mind you this is somewhat of an overestimate since you don't need to crash it completely just bring it within the Roche Limit (about 10,000 km above Earth's surface or ~1/20 its present distance) and in fact the film backs this up as there were still fragments hanging around in orbit later, but should be good enough to give an idea of what a ridiculous feat we're talking about.

Incidentally for fun tides scale by r^3 so at the Roche limit the moon would be raising tides about 8000X higher. I'm not actually sure what surface conditions would be like on such a world but I suspect the movie is also lolworthy in the degree to which it underestimates how utterly this would fuck up the world.

[adam_grif]

About 10 million teratons.

The Time Machine can beat Star Wars confirmed.

[Junghalli]

The Time Machine can beat Star Wars confirmed.

lol

Although I'm inclined to think it may actually take place in an alternate universe where the moon is just a largish captured asteroid (or something along those lines) orbiting not very far above the Roche Limit anyway.

The whole thing is more sane that way. Mind you it's probably not a complete fix but at least it doesn't make my SoD scream "oh please stop hurting me!" quite so much.

[Talhe]

From Threshold alone:

"In principle, if you were ever to reach warp 10, you'd be traveling at infinite velocity."
"Infinite velocity, got it. So, that means very fast."

"The mutations we observed are natural."
"Natural?"
"The changes in his DNA are consistent with the evolutionary development of the human genotype over the past 4 million years."
"Are you saying Paris is evolving?"
"That's my theory."

Star Trek is really a goldmine of stupid quotes.

[keen320]

Any time Jeff Goldblum opens his goddamn mouth in Jurassic Park.

I suppose the guy in charge of the park might have had reasons to find a stupid scientist... although he should have realized it doesn't take a genius to figure out a park full of dinosaurs is a recipe for disaster.

[jollyreaper]

Great heavens! That's a laser!
Yes, Dr. Scott. A laser capable of emitting a beam of pure anti-matter.

[Gil Hamilton]

Oh, come on, that's from the Rocky Horror Picture Show. You can't take that seriously. About five minutes later they teleported to the planet Transexual in the galaxy of Transylvania.

[Batman]

Oh, come on, that's from the Rocky Horror Picture Show. You can't take that seriously. About five minutes later they teleported to the planet Transexual in the galaxy of Transylvania.

Doesn't make the line itself any less stupid. Sure, it may or may not be so on purpose (as are the Infinite Improbability Drive, Other People's Problem Field and Bistromatic Drive and any number of other things from HHGTTG) but ignoring the context it is presented in, that line IS bloody freaking dumb.

[jollyreaper]

Oh, come on, that's from the Rocky Horror Picture Show. You can't take that seriously. About five minutes later they teleported to the planet Transexual in the galaxy of Transylvania.

Yes, but it was THAT line that ruined my suspension of disbelief with the movie.

Ok, you want another dumb line? "Ssssh!!! Lisssssooon!"

Ok, you need context for that one. It was Wing Commander the Movie where they reenacted Das Boot with Kilrathi destroyers depth-charging them. And they had to be quiet so the Kilrathi couldn't hear them on their space hydrophones.

See, that's every bit as stupid as the antimatter laser line but you need a context for it. The antimatter laser line is stupid regardless of context.