Uberwank infantry weapons

[tezunegari]

Yesterday evening I watched the third episode of Fringe and they have shown a really nice weapon there. It was a bit larger than a simple gun but when fired there was just a low whop. No overdone energy blast just the target being hit with extreme force.

At a distance of about 5 meters the weapon had enough force to affect a 90-100 kilo guard like a right hook to the face apparently killing him instantly.

At point-blank range it had enough power to through a 70-90 kilogramm man over a distance of estimated 3 to 5 meters without killing him though (poor bastard was still needed for information).

So. Are there other weapons that appear to be uberwank (or just too cool to be true)?

[Vendetta]

The Force:Ground assault rifle.

A significant threat to small starships in orbit.

Presumably other high end 'verses have similar toys. We've discussed Culture personal weapons before, but they really don't bother much with hand weapons when a drone or knife missile could do the job faster and better than any human could manage anyway.

[Samuel]

Little Cricket goes without saying (MIB). Could you be more clear what you are aiming for? Most sci-fi laser weapons would fall into this category- they aren't exceptional in their own universe, but in ours, they are over the top impossible.

[Darth Hoth]

Nuclear-equivalent hand grenades are fairly common in many settings (Star Wars has its thermal detonators, the Mobile Infantry and even Draka have pocket nukes or antimatter charges).

High-powered railguns, rayguns, likewise; the Lensman setting in the '40s already had double-digit megajoule-range pistols, with Skylark being that much worse, and SW, 40k, &c have similar stuff building on the pulp era (how about bolters, essentially fully automatic rocket launchers).

Then of course you have the truly "uberwank" 'verses, with the Culture's sub-atomic-scale nuke-equivalent explosives or Xeelee starbreakers.

That gun does not look all that impressive, methinks.

[TheMuffinKing]

On a lower end of the wank-scale, powerguns (of David Drake's Hammers Slammers fame) come into play. They aren't over-the-top in comparison to what has been mentioned. I love 'em!

[wautd]

The railgun from "Eraser". Insane damage, high rate of fire, no recoil, accurate, long range... Oh yeah, and it could look trough walls.

(not that I'd mind to have one myself though )

[Atlan]

Banks's Lazy Gun. It doesn't just kill you (and its a hundred percent effective if properly aimed) it kills you with a sense of humor. A Looney Tunes sense of humor, to be exact. Anvil on your head, electrodes frying you, flooding a city with a tidal wave in the desert, meteor strikes, fire the gun at someone or something, and that's the stuff you get.

[fusion]

I you need help, look no further than Iain M. Banks who wrote the culture series which includes the multi- megajoules to nearly a gigajoules gun that transforms from a tooth to a wire frame gun...
Spoiler

In her other hand her fist seemed closed around something small
which she was pointing at the Idiran. Xoxarle had to look carefully to see what it was. It resembled a
gun: a gun made mostly of air; a gun of lines, thin wires, hardly solid at all, more like a framework, like a
pencil outline somehow lifted from a page and filled out just enough to grip. Xoxarle laughed and brought
the drone swooping down.
Balveda fired the gun; it sparkled briefly at the end of its spindly barrel, like a small jewel caught in
sunlight, and made the faintest of coughing noises.
Before Unaha-Closp had been moved more than a half-metre through the air towards Horza's head,
Xoxarle's midriff lit up like the sun. The Idiran's lower torso was blown apart, blasted from his hips by a
hundred tiny explosions. His chest, arms and head were blown up and back, hitting the tunnel roof then
tumbling down again through the air, the arms slackening, the hands opening. His belly, keratin plates
ripped open, flooded entrails onto the water-spattered floor of the tunnel as his whole upper body
bounced into the shallow puddles forming under the artificial rain.
...
'This,' she said. She opened her mouth, showing him the hole where a back tooth had
been. 'Memoryform. The gun was part of me; looks like a real tooth.' She tried to smile. She doubted
the man could even see the gun

Which is awesome as heck...

[Lord of the Abyss]

The Zen Gun from the ( justifiably ) obscure novel The Zen Gun. In the hands of an untrained user it fires a beam that can arc over the surface of a plant to kill any known target. In the hands of a trained user it blows up stars.

The PANECO from the old Diamond Contessa stories; a pistol that looks like glass filled with electronics, that fires a black beam that can make large aircraft vanish without a trace. There's no defense against it.

The gamma ray laser pistol in The World is Round; I recall a guy easily slicing down stone fortifications with it.

The laser gun in Coils; looked something like a harmonica with a pistol grip. It not only was pretty destructive, it defended it's user by vaporizing any projectiles aimed at him. Including large ones like car engines.

The blaster pistol from The Apocalypse Troll. Not really wankish in-setting, since it's made to kill huge alien war cyborgs.

I’m afraid we call it a ‘blaster,’ ” she said apologetically, and he closed his eyes. He should have known, he told himself. “As for what it is, that’s a bit hard to explain—inevitably.” She met his long-suffering gaze understandingly. “Think of it this way, Dick: it’s a capacitor-fed energy weapon which projects a pulse of plasma at the target. On full auto at full power, it delivers approximately one-point-eight k-tons of energy per second, or just over twenty-one and a half kilotons for the magazine, since it cycles at a pulse a second. Of course,” she added thoughtfully, “if you pump the full mag that fast, you’ll burn out every time.”

< snip >

“Cover your eyes,” she said levelly, and squeezed the trigger again.

The whiplash sound was far worse this time. The crackling roar was more protracted, with sounds like secondary explo­sions, and Aston was devoutly grateful that the tanks carried neither fuel nor ammo. The acrid stench of burning paint and molten metal assailed him, and raw, bitter heat pressed against the hands over his eyes.

Then the noise ended.
“All right,” Ludmilla said, and he lowered his hands.

No one said a word as the two twenty-first-century humans stared in awe at what had been a tank. Waves of heat shimmer danced above it, and the entire frontal plate glowed—white in the center, shading to bright cherry at the sides. The gun quivered, then drooped slowly to full depression, ­hanging on its trunnions, for the pulse from Ludmilla’s weapon had cut the elevation actuator in half, sheared through the hydraulic system, and burned clear through the gun tube just in front of the breech. Aston knew it had, because he could see it through the two-foot hole in the frontal armor.

He circled the smoking tank in silence. The blast of ­energy had torn completely through it—right through the heart of the transmission and the big, 750-horsepower diesel—and then gouged a nine-foot pit in the cavern wall twenty feet beyond it. He turned slowly and saw Jayne staring at the wreckage in shock.

EDIT : And I forgot to mention that the blaster fires through hyperspace; the plasma appears ON the target.

[Modax]

The Krikkit civilization from From Life, the Universe and Everything was pretty wanked out...

...It is also the only explanation for their bewilderingly sudden grasp of all the hypertechnology involved in building their thousands of spaceships, and their millions of lethal white robots. These had really struck terror into the hearts of everyone who had encountered them -- in most cases, however, the terror was extremely short lived, as was the person experiencing the terror. They were savage, single-minded flying battle machines. They wielded formidable multifunctional battleclubs which, brandished one way, would knock down buildings and, brandished another way, fired blistering Omni-Destructo Zap rays and, brandished a third way, launched a hideous arsenal of grenades, ranging from minor incendiary devices to Maxi-Slorta Hypernuclear Devices which could take out a major sun. Simply striking the grenades with the battleclubs simultaneously primed them, and launched them with phenomenal accuracy over distances ranging from mere yards to hundreds of thousands of miles.

[Starglider]

So. Are there other weapons that appear to be uberwank (or just too cool to be true)?

In the 'too cool to be true' category;

Voila... the ZF1. ...It's light... the handle's adjustable for easy carrying... good for righties and lefties. Breaks down into four parts, undetectable by X-rays.. It's the ideal weapon for quick, discreet interventions. A word on fire power: Titanium recharger. 3000 round clip with bursts of 3 to 300. With the replay button, another Zorg innovation, it's even easier... one shot.... and replay sends every following shot to the same location... 300 round bursts, then there are the Zorg oldies...Rocket launcher. The always efficient flame thrower... that's my favorite... Our famous net launcher, the arrow launcher, with exploding or poisonous gas heads - very practical. And for the grand finale, the all-new ice-cube system!

[Ford Prefect]

Jesus Christ, could you systematically misuse a word harder than 'wank'? Samuel is quite right: just because something is unusually powerful compared to the real world does not necessarily make it 'wank'. Just because it is powerful in a relative sense compared to other sci-fi universes does not make something 'wank', either. It's like comparing the Suncrusher with a Xeelee nightfighter. Both are basically indestuctible starfighters that can destroy stars, but only one of them is wanky.

[CaptainChewbacca]

Indeed, super-weapons are only 'wank' if they don't make sense within the context of their setting.

[Marcus Aurelius]

Indeed, super-weapons are only 'wank' if they don't make sense within the context of their setting.

With that in mind, the rail gun from Eraser is really a significant wank. If I remember correctly it was supposed to fire its projectiles at close to light speed, which is an incredible wank in a story set in present time or at best very near future. Of course the damage seen in the movie does not really correspond to that unless the projectiles are incredibly light. The ability to see through walls is a serious wank as well, although not in the same league as the near-c projectiles.

The Forge:Ground assault rifle is perhaps not too powerful for the Hyperionverse, but it is very weird otherwise. It has something like seven operating modes, which seems quite excessive. Simmons appears to have realized that later, since in "Endymion" it is described in somewhat ironic terms.

[Ford Prefect]

The multirifle is pretty much indicative of everything wrong with FORCE, which has an extremely unflattering presentation in terms of doctrine, organisation and leadership despite its power. FORCE itself is also indicative of the excesses of the Hegemony made because of TechnoCore support. As I recall, Pax troopers do not have Swiss army guns, instead opting for a plasma projector/fletchette launcher combo.

[SAMAS]

I think "Wank" is supposed to mean in the "Absurdly Overpowered" sense, and may not necessarily be a bad thing.

Case in Point: Nearly the entire arsenal of any given Ratchet & Clank game.

[Ford Prefect]

Ratchet & Clank had a great arsenal. The RYNO II is still the best of the RYNOs, though.

[Gil Hamilton]

I would offer the Soft Weapon, from Larry Niven's Known Space, which not only mutated into several different weapons (one of which could blow up a mountain), but was sentient and tricked a Kzin who captured it into triggering the self-destruct mechanism. Of course, it was a tnuctipun weapon, so it doesn't really cound as wank, because they were that absrudly advanced.

[Shadowtraveler]

Ratchet & Clank had a great arsenal. The RYNO II is still the best of the RYNOs, though.

The Gattling Rocket Launcher one? It wasn't as crazy as the screen-cleaning RYNOCIRATOR.

I'd say Sergeant Schlock's BH-209I is overkill, even in the universe it's set in.

[Oskuro]

Can't help but quote Yatzhee on Painkiller:

All you need to know is that there is a gun that shoots shurikens and lightning. I wish I could make that up. It shoots shurikens and lightning! It could only be more awesome if it had tits and was on fire!

Also, the BFG 9000, specially the later laser-shooting-ball-of-doom version, deserves a honorable mention.

And, not to beat on the pile of ash formerly known as a dead horse, but Star Trek's phasers have a severe case of the Wank, sometimes being next to useless, sometimes vaporizing large structures in one hit (I remember Data doing so to an aqueduct in an early TNG episode).

[Darth Hoth]

Jesus Christ, could you systematically misuse a word harder than 'wank'? Samuel is quite right: just because something is unusually powerful compared to the real world does not necessarily make it 'wank'. Just because it is powerful in a relative sense compared to other sci-fi universes does not make something 'wank', either. It's like comparing the Suncrusher with a Xeelee nightfighter. Both are basically indestuctible starfighters that can destroy stars, but only one of them is wanky.

One does understand that the definition of "wank" in this sense is not an objective fact. When the author writes something with the express purpose of being uber powerful and "lol its beyond HUMAN COMPREHENSION!" I would say arguably you can call it wank even if it is normal in its setting. Under this definition, it probably applies to most AI-wank settings ("Archailects/Minds/whatever are so powerful we can't comprehend their greatness theyre GODS! ROAR!"), for example.

[JointStrikeFighter]

So. Are there other weapons that appear to be uberwank (or just too cool to be true)?

In the 'too cool to be true' category;

Voila... the ZF1. ...It's light... the handle's adjustable for easy carrying... good for righties and lefties. Breaks down into four parts, undetectable by X-rays.. It's the ideal weapon for quick, discreet interventions. A word on fire power: Titanium recharger. 3000 round clip with bursts of 3 to 300. With the replay button, another Zorg innovation, it's even easier... one shot.... and replay sends every following shot to the same location... 300 round bursts, then there are the Zorg oldies...Rocket launcher. The always efficient flame thrower... that's my favorite... Our famous net launcher, the arrow launcher, with exploding or poisonous gas heads - very practical. And for the grand finale, the all-new ice-cube system!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9pxjnl1yuXk

[Ford Prefect]

Gatling Rocket Launcher one? It wasn't as crazy as the screen-cleaning RYNOCIRATOR.

Yeah, the multi-targetting one with the powerful missiles. One gun + twenty targets = twenty corpses in twenty milliseconds. Hilarious!

I'd say Sergeant Schlock's BH-209I is overkill, even in the universe it's set in.

It actually is. It's a running joke that Schlock carries too much firepower, which is why he gets the .50 calibre rotary grenade launcher during the most recently completed arc, because it causes less collateral damage overall (though apparently if Schlock wasn't a total psychopath it could be used like a scalpel). About the only thing more dangerous was his sawn-off multicannons.

Under this definition, it probably applies to most AI-wank settings ("Archailects/Minds/whatever are so powerful we can't comprehend their greatness theyre GODS! ROAR!"), for example.

Equating the Culture series with Orion's Arm makes you look silly.

[Darth Hoth]

Equating the Culture series with Orion's Arm makes you look silly.

Why? Banks said himself (in A Few Notes on the Culture) that he basically subscribes to the same idea - artificial intelligences MUST take over, because they are godlike, and the Culture is written in the over-the-top way it is because he wants to divorce it from the human scale.

The one Culture novel I have read so far, Excession, demonstrates literary standards well above OA, though I did not like it all that much. Doubtless Banks is a better writer (and less pretentious) than their crew. But it has the same basic premise - the machines must be impressive enough to make humanity look insignificant besides.

[Starglider]

Banks said himself (in A Few Notes on the Culture) that he basically subscribes to the same idea - artificial intelligences MUST take over, because they are godlike,

That's not so much an idea, as a blatant fact. Human civilisation is godlike and incomprehensible to chimpanzees, and human brains are only incrementally more complex than chimpanzee brains. It's quite easy for even hard science computing hardware (arguably even contemporary computing hardware, depending on how you compare FLOPs) to do orders of magnitude better and that's before we account for qualitative and software improvements. Really what more do you want?

But it has the same basic premise - the machines must be impressive enough to make humanity look insignificant besides.

Although in fact those AI characters were quite comprehensible, just massively capable, rather like Olympian gods, because they had to be for the story to be attractive to normal readers. The timescales were compressed to microseconds and there were references to processing vast amounts of data casually but really, they were extremely humanised. Not a criticism of Banks but don't expect real AIs to be like that.