If you like MST3K, you'll love 'House of the Dead'

Superman · Post by **Superman** » 2004-02-15 08:48am

This is quite possibly the worst movie I have ever seen. Yes, I have seen "Ninja Cheerleaders," I have seen "Plan 9 From Outer Space" and I have even seen "The Invisible Maniac," but nothing could have prepared me for the tragedy that is "House of the Dead."

Let me give you a little rundown. Have you ever seen that shoot em up arcade game that costs 50 cents per play and gives you about 30 seconds before you die from zombies? That's what this movie is based off of.

See, there is this island where a bunch of ravers are partying... only they don't know about the zombies that are in this house. Anyway, four fashionably late teens arrive after getting a ride from Captain Kirk (don't make fun of him for that name either, he will pull a knife on you) in his fishing boat. They get stuck on the island. Oh, the hijinks that ensue...

Here is my favorite: Ever notice on movies and TV shows, there will be some mini scenes between the main ones scenes? Like on the old Batman show, we see the bat symbol and music play every time it switches between the scenes with Batman and the scenes with the villains. It's sort of like a non-verbal way of saying "meanwhile, over in this part of the city..." or something like that. Well, this movie shows really quick scenes of the video game zombies getting shot. That's right, it shows scenes FROM THE GAME, complete with flashes of missed shots, shooting zombies.

The worst part of this movie is how seriously it takes itself. Good horror often has some self-parody or the ability to realize how ridiculous it all is. Not this one. Uggg…

Superman · Post by **Superman** » 2004-02-15 09:31am

Holy crap, I just read that this movie actually had a theatrical release!?

Jesus H Christ! This movie's special effects were clips from the video game!

Majin Gojira · Post by **Majin Gojira** » 2004-02-15 09:36am

Don't worry, I think it only lasted a week in theaters

Post by **Ghost Rider** » 2004-02-15 10:16am

Truly...it's a funny movie. I've seen it, and thought "If this was even begun to be meant to be serious this would rank with Manos: Hand of Fate." And yes it taking itself serious...truly you just gotta wonder what the fuck was the director smoking.

And as for the game I could go the entire run off of 50...it's basically memory based...which sorta disappointing, but I digress...the game has a better plot

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2004-02-15 01:28pm

Ghost Rider wrote:but I digress...the game has a better plot

And considering how bad light-gun game plots are...

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2004-02-15 02:04pm

Unfortunately, Uwe Boll seems to have gotten his hands on quite a few other video game licenses to make into "movies."

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2004-02-15 02:16pm

Comic

Watch the formating, please ~ Stormbringer

Kurgan · Post by **Kurgan** » 2004-02-16 03:26pm

I saw the trailer...

Fast Zombies (trendy!)
Ravers! (So...)
SEGA plugs! (right...)
"Matrix" style SFX (ok...)
Video game clips (sigh...)

Ho hum, 28 Days Later was okay, Resident Evil was better than average.

Will "Dawn of the Dead: The Remake" be the one? Or will it be another stinking corpse better shot dead (again)? Heh...

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2004-02-16 04:03pm

Dawn of the Dead is supposed to be pretty good.

zombie84 · Post by **zombie84** » 2004-02-16 04:41pm

Superman wrote:Holy crap, I just read that this movie actually had a theatrical release!?

Jesus H Christ! This movie's special effects were clips from the video game!

I saw this in the theatres. Can you believe that? Hey, if its zombies, then i'm there. It was just a cheap dollar cinema because i knew for sure the film would be crap.

It was bad, but not the Troma bad, or the Ed Wood bad, it was Spice World bad.

But it had zombies and brains, so it was watchable. You wouldnt believe the crappy zombie films i've seen (i.e. Chopper Chicks in Zombie Town)

SylasGaunt · Post by **SylasGaunt** » 2004-02-16 05:29pm

Superman wrote:This is quite possibly the worst movie I have ever seen. Yes, I have seen "Ninja Cheerleaders," I have seen "Plan 9 From Outer Space" and I have even seen "The Invisible Maniac," but nothing could have prepared me for the tragedy that is "House of the Dead."

Indeed. I rented it just to see how bad it truly was and I was not prepared in the slightest.

Here is my favorite: Ever notice on movies and TV shows, there will be some mini scenes between the main ones scenes? Like on the old Batman show, we see the bat symbol and music play every time it switches between the scenes with Batman and the scenes with the villains. It's sort of like a non-verbal way of saying "meanwhile, over in this part of the city..." or something like that. Well, this movie shows really quick scenes of the video game zombies getting shot. That's right, it shows scenes FROM THE GAME, complete with flashes of missed shots, shooting zombies.

The worst part was when they quit using these as scene transitions and just sorta started chucking them out at random.. anyway I docked the movie 50 points every time it used that damn transition... ended up losing count by the time the big gun battle came around.

The worst part of this movie is how seriously it takes itself. Good horror often has some self-parody or the ability to realize how ridiculous it all is. Not this one. Uggg…

True that does hurt it a lot.. though one that that really hurts it for me is the complete lack of sense throughout

(like why is a cop toting around a shotgun, an M4, and a patrol boat that looks to have a browning M2 on the front?)

Thag · Post by **Thag** » 2004-02-16 09:58pm

Do the female characters get their clothes ripped off at least? Or is that horror movie staple overlooked?

Post by **Ghost Rider** » 2004-02-16 10:01pm

Thag wrote:Do the female characters get their clothes ripped off at least? Or is that horror movie staple overlooked?

There's some titty...but given the crappiness of the film...it doesn't make up for a tenth of it.

Post by **Kuja** » 2004-02-17 02:34am

The only decent part of that movie was the music video/gun battle and I really only liked it because I thought the music there kicked ass.

Sporkzen · Post by **Sporkzen** » 2004-02-17 08:05am

Thag wrote:Do the female characters get their clothes ripped off at least? Or is that horror movie staple overlooked?

No titty could make up for that movie... well.. almost

nice av kuja, kain kicks ass heh

Coalition · Post by **Coalition** » 2004-02-18 12:19am

I watched the movie, and I laughed so hard at it people stared. Of course, they may have been staring at me so their brains didn't explode from the movie.

Biggest problem I had in the movie:

8 humans, armed with explosives, small arms, and automatic weapons. Only 2 of which have had trainnig in weapons usage. 1 has HtH skills.

vs

lots of zombies (slow)

Mission: cross the graveyard, to fort up in a building (ammo concerns)

Tactic used by the humans: split up and fire in all directions. I'm surprised there were no friendly fire casualties.

But what they would do with each person is a 360 pan around, while in slow motion, showing off how 'tough' each person was. One thing that would have improved that series of pan-arounds is if someone had gotten jumped while it was happening.

They also split up while going across the graveyard, leading to defeat in isolation. (I think they lost 4 people getting across, to slow zombies because they couldn't support each other)

My tactic: Everyone get into a circle, facing outwards, with maybe 1 person in the center, holding ammo. If someone runs out, the one in the center passes a fresh weapon, and reloads. No blind spots, and everyone makes it across.

The 360 pan-around was bad though. I was laughing during that part.

Of course, the times you had someone swimming, and the camera crept up from underwater, like something was coming, I thought was good.

StarDestroyer.Net BBS

If you like MST3K, you'll love 'House of the Dead'

If you like MST3K, you'll love 'House of the Dead'

Re: If you like MST3K, you'll love 'House of the Dead'